How a genuine Scotsman makes his porridge.

If you asked 100 Scottish people how they make their porridge you would probably get 100 different answers. So the true answer is "Any way you like."
Here's how I make mine, and a look at a commercialised version which basically adds a huge amount of sugar to kickstart your sugar cravings as early as possible in the day.
A link to AvE's channel of Canadian technical shenanigans.
/ arduinoversusevil
If you enjoy these videos you can help support the channel with a dollar for coffee, cookies and random gadgets for disassembly at:-
www.bigclive.co...
This also keeps the channel independent of KZbin's advertising algorithms allowing it to be a bit more dangerous and naughty.

[@JoeRobson]

I’ll be honest, when I saw the video title “how a real Scotsman makes his porridge” I wasn’t expecting “three sweetener tablets and then microwave it into oblivion”.

[@6string42]

I too wanted to see him cook his porridge in a kilt over a fire in a thatch roof hut

[@kevanparker908]

Wife banned me from the Microwave nuclear explosions of porridge?

[@bryanst.martin7134]

@David Parry I worked in an Auto Parts store in Virginia with a Scottish man who went by Scotty. Ok Doug. A couple walks in and start asking for parts, when the woman asks are you from Scotland? And when she found he had learned his trade in Scotland, she asked you have auto parts stores in Scotland? He says "Shit yeah M'am, and we have electricity too!" Her husband nearly wet himself. Me too!

[@plasmodium4220]

Where I'm from we refer to that size of grip seal bags as "half-ounce bags"

[@plasmodium4220]

@David Parry No, actually it's also used widely in the UK along side "keys", "gees" and "nine-bars". After brexit anything could happen!

[@danielwggudan2]

“Oats. -A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people. -Samuel Johnson

[@ecmcd]

‘Aye, and that’s why England has such fine horses, and Scotland such fine people.’ -James Boswell

[@allanfulton7569]

@@ecmcd lol definitely but if you want to try oats similar to what they ate 200 years ago buy Irish cut oats but make sure you cook it to the directions. They take a long time to cook and trust me use a pot on the stove it's going to be less frustrating.

[@williamarthurfenton1496]

@@allanfulton7569 Yea, pinhead and steel cut is another name they go by. They do taste better I think, but it just ain't worth taking 30 minutes just to cook a bloody bowl of porridge.

[@AutumnHaunts]

@@williamarthurfenton1496For some that’s part of what makes it so enjoyable. I love taking my time making my daily bowl of porridge. I sometimes simmer it on very low heat for a full hour after toasting the oats for ten minutes.

[@louis1w2]

That'd be why they're worth less than horses

[@4hodmt]

If you microwave it in a wide flat bowl, it will foam up but not spill, and it will cool down to edible temperature a lot faster.

[@macbaar]

I use a IKEA glas bowl for my porridge like meals... 🥓🥓🥓😜🇨🇭

[@simonhopkins3867]

Like a pasta bowl 💡 I'll be trying that. Thanks

[@mycosys]

My trick is a 'chinese takeaway container' - the rectangle seems to make it boil at the ends and fold in rather than boil over. I add milk &/ Coconut cream after cooking, cools it down.

[@xjet]

Absolutely right. I always make mine in a wide-flat bowl and by the time I've finished eating it, it's become quite cool.

[@ElectraFlarefire]

The red 'rice cooker' type bowls are also good for that sort of thing, keeps the foaming down.

[@peterwatkinson4656]

The Porridge Drawer story is true, my father was at college in Glasgow in the late 40's and remembered them in the tenement lodgings, the porridge was made as thick as cement so it set solid and could be sliced and wrapped in paper. The drawers were metal lined. Very practical really - in those simpler times.

[@BodywiseMustard]

'40s *

[@almac2598]

Great Grandad was a shepherd. Porridge was made and poured into the drawer. Once it had cooled enough not to evaporate the important constituent, whisky was added. When cool, divided into segments. A piece, suitably wrapped, was his lunch when out in the hills.

[@Competitive_Antagonist]

3:02 Brown sugar just has molasses added to or left in it. This makes it taste better. White sugar just taste like one thing, sweet. Brown sugar has a caramel like taste.

[@nintendolife]

"Unfortunately, when you open them, they smell like piss" I think someone's been pissing in your cranberries.

[@raykent3211]

He might have got cause and effect back to front. If he eats cranberries everyday maybe some of the aromatics pass through his kidneys, so it's not that cranberries smell of piss, but that his piss smells of cranberries. But I'm not sure if I've eaten cranberries, so I don't know how they smell. Fresh piss of a healthy person hardly smells at all, after an hour or several it stinks.

[@109268]

@@raykent3211 probably this. If I go on a coffee bender my pee definitely smells like coffee. And occasionally of popcorn strangely enough.

[@danh6079]

Well known food preservative, like farts in pre cooked ham

[@someguy2741]

Lol. That explains it. Next time check the package. No artificial preservatives that cause cancer. We use piss.

[@mikethompson5966]

@@109268 i get this from coffee aswell and crazy as it sounds weed!! i smoke a lot of weed and once in awhile while i urinate it smells like a stinky dubie.

[@whitehoose]

Brought the topic up with my mum (88). Her dad was a geordie but his mum and dad were glasgow shipbuilder. He was born 1903. The drawer in their case was a massive cast Iron oven bottom dish. Porridge made Monday morning with water and lots of salt before starting that weeks wash (the big set pot was only boiled on monday!) and by thursday they couldn't afford to use the stove more than once a day if lucky. Covered with Sunday's newspaper and stored on the stone shelf of the larder. Fed 2 adults, 4 kids for 7 days + rats etc. Treat was to fry it up with the goop from a pig's trotter or lard. By Saturday it was getting dry - so eaten with lard, butter or just water. Sugar treacle etc was about (esp on the docks) but not used by adults as much as it was after WW2.

[@thumbsucker29]

Andy White sweet Jesus that is grim.

[@whitehoose]

@@thumbsucker29 It was just how life was. No penicillin, no NHS, average age in many industrial towns was 35-40 and wages were pretty poor. Lung pie, tripe, haggis and pig's trotters, offals were luxury foods usually the working men got the lion's share, dripping and jam sandwiches were staple foods for the rest (if they were lucky). Compared to Glasgow, Newcastle was almost pleasant. Conditions were bad everywhere "up north". The smallest graze could kill you ... but they were as bad everywhere (possibly worse in Glasgow though) Families were big because you had to have spares! (and there was no tv!) ... and the army was short on conscription candidates, 1914 almost 40% of volunteers were refused due to malnutrition. They had to feed them up to get them fit enough to be slaughtered in the trenches. First world problems eh?

[@dorianleakey]

@@whitehoose NO TV! The horror! My mother was given tripe while visiting a friend as a child, she didn't like it but it was during the war and you didn't waste food. She went to the toilet after finishing it and threw up, they kindly gave her a 2nd helping.

[@whitehoose]

@@dorianleakey Indeed, old JLBaird hadn't achieved much by then. We have a market stall in Halifax that sells a wide variety of tripe and a flash new restaurant that serves chicken feet and fancy tripe as well as bulls bollocks on chips. I love liver, kidney and the cuts that take hours to cook ... but I don't like shellfish or anything that is inside out - and that goes for the squishy bits of the lymphatic system of cows too. My grandad used to save fish bones and marrow (which is like greasy butter!) and chew them before lighting a woodbine. Eating at their house was both an adventure and a real pleasure. In 1962 they finally swapped the radio for a telly (I still have their clockwork record layer) but apart from the racing and football results he would sit looking out the window most of the time

[@markfergerson2145]

@@whitehoose Poor Americans typically ate a lot of "squishy bits" and "inside out" stuff too. My mother told me similar tales but never fed me any. On the other hand my German grandmother would make some of the best and some of the weirdest dishes for the same meal.

[@RALPH7109]

I couldn't find the wiring diagram for this one....

[@thomasmcdougall8059]

2 cups of oats to 1 part milk in a cooking pot bring up to a simmer not up to boiling point 1g salt 3g of sugar

[@pluto8404]

Remember it is polarized. Add the milk to the oats, not the other way around.

[@gregbert2]

No wiring diagram, there is however a flow chart. Right out the other end.

[@kennener8446]

"Today on BigClive we're going to make authentic Scottish Haggis... You'll need a sheep, blender, the leftover oats from my last video, and a can of WD40."

[@johnpotter4750]

Aye Dumfries, up the Vennal from White Sands, my goto for Haggis, but there again, I don't boil it.........

[@wroberts1707]

Lmao. You also forgot cooking method. Place jumper cables over the metal clips at each end of the bag and use the unsafe and overpowered usb charger from my last video to gently excite the liquid inside it.

[@TheRealWindlePoons]

My favourite haggis dish (purchased in Inverness) was haggis pakora. A delightful combination of haggis and spicy Indian batter. Yummy.

[@factorylad5071]

I don't think Clive would like theWD40 vinegrait that much.

[@MAGGOT_VOMIT]

AvE screams at his monitor, "Don't forget the Shmoo and Mustard!!"

[@mushypeasplease8872]

A Porridge recipe video that actually uses an engineer's metal ruler. Wow. Love it.

[@grahamrutherford8800]

My father used his to stir his tea.

[@grahamrutherford8800]

@a w Quite so. I missed that.

[@Al-Einstein]

I think you will find it's a steel rule, a ruler has extra material at the edge which would interfere with the measure, hence why it's a rule and not a ruler.

[@ChivJB]

I just watched a 14:06 video of a man making porridge..... 10/10 would recommend. How the hell does Clive make everything so god damn facianating.

[@fargotua13]

good voice does it

[@Deveron4]

14:07 is my favorite part.

[@ArtoPekkanen]

He explains the details so vibrantly :)

[@EthanWinter-]

Pretty sure it's cause he's the best scot around ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

[@Solocat1]

It's his Pleasant Manor voice and sense of humor. Should have been a electronics teacher. His brother has the same gift.

[@ethantaylor5425]

Its 3pm and I'm about to be late to work because I'm watching a dude make porridge....

[@kall399]

Evening shift probably.

[@marshmellominiapple]

no its 3 now

[@frogz]

its 4 am.....ditto...

[@stanervin6108]

@UH OH They don't let you out much, do they?

[@stanervin6108]

@@RaphealAmbriousCostau You stay next door to UH OH ?

[@loukashareangas4420]

"AvE is a lot bigger than I am" --compares sizes-- "On the internet"

[@macbaar]

But AvE has a special accent... 😜🇨🇭

[@Lumibear.]

Sub envy

[@doublebulbing]

@@macbaar ave also has chickadee and brother bear and the amazing wife laughing in the background and the HAAS cannot forget the HAAS

[@SteveHodge]

I haven't seen AvE with an Explosion Containment Pie Dish though.

[@norvillerodgersspeaks]

Just cook it on the stove, you heathen.

[@MarkSiosal]

The porridge in the drawer thing is very real. My grandmother, who was a farmer, used to do it with sultanas and some flaked almonds mixed in and papped it into a greaseproof paper lined old sideboard drawer. The drawer never lasted more than 2 days. It was like those granola bars you get now or energy bars weightlifters pay a fortune for. It was scoffed in no time. She only died 6 years ago aged 105 and she was an amazing woman. Her teas (5pm as she had her main meal at 12) were legendary. Everything right down to the bread and butter were home made.

[@ASKARIwest]

How to make next level porridge in 5 minutes. 1. Toast oats in a dry pot until it starts to smell nutty, add a pinch of salt. 2. Add boiling water just to cover. 3. Stir with a wooden spoon, cook for 3 minutes until nice and stodgy. 4. Spoon into a bowl. Add golden syrup/honey, mix well. 5. Add full fat fresh milk. 6. Eat. 7. Drink a wee dram of the good stuff, go back to bed.

[@Asdayasman]

Toast the oats first... I like the cut of your jib. I'll try that out tomorrow.

[@corydorastube]

A widnae feed yon to a dog. (Throwing up emiticon needed)

[@charleslambert3368]

Toasting the oats? What are you, Swiss?

[@4shaw724]

Take hot rice pudding add oats Done!

[@justa.american8303]

Great, now I'm hungry!! Have you ever had Black Pudding for Breakfast? I got to try it when in Scotland five years ago, good stuff.

[@loteknomad5032]

Thats all well and good, but a bigclive video without a hand-drawn schematic feels incomplete somehow. We require CliveCAD with each episode. There's gotta be technical symbology for cranberries and oats out there somewhere.

[@ReverendFlatus]

Yes, a nice schematic to show currant flow!

[@HidekiShinichi]

its not clivecad its just cad clive assisted design

[@silverstrings5569]

The moment you think that this is just going to be an amusing little porridge video, and it turns into a full-on breakdown like everything else in this channel. Love it.

[@adamoneale4396]

*pulls out component bag “Hey laddie, aye, you laddie, you wanna buy some porridge?”

[@LazerLord10]

Those porridge packs are great for camping! (just making your own works great too). I'm used to calling this stuff 'oatmeal' here in the States.

[@ChuckD59]

Here, here! Paddled and cycled many, many a mile with those instant things as the morning get-up-and-go. DIY (for more civilized applications) would be Bob's Red Mill with a pinch of salt, a tablespoon of butter, a tablespoon of 100% pure Maple Syrup, small clot of raisins and liquid of 1/2 water and 1/2 milk. And into the thermonuclear at level 4 power and 10 minutes. For a truly stout bowl go with Bob's "Golden Spurtle". edit: urk, I just realized I was here 11 months ago and posted nearly the same thing. Well, it's that good, dammit. And it's American. So there.

[@BobMuir100]

Oatmeal is porridge!! Thanks I have wondered for years!!

[@BobMuir100]

Portrays oats

[@daishi5571]

Having left England 22 years ago to live in the US and I still call it porridge.

[@RC-nj1by]

Ya lost me when you added the saccharin. I flipped the table after the damn coffee mate came out.

[@SeanBZA]

Smell on the cranberries is sulphur dioxide, added to the packaging as a preservative.

[@98dizzard]

Surely that would smell of eggs, not piss

[@FranklinLaserBlog]

SeanBZA 😂No.

[@FranklinLaserBlog]

Daniel I 😂No.

[@alfonssiggler6652]

SO2 doesnt smell like piss or bad eggs 🤷🏻‍♂️ Edit: ammonia (NH3) smells like piss for example 🤓

[@dom1310df]

Does it cause cancer too?

[@psygn0sis]

Tried your recipe but it came out as Oatmeal.

[@GeekyGarden]

That's because you did it in America. I have the same problem. Personally, I go for cinnamon, sugar, and no milk. I go light on the water too to make it nice and thick.

[@krispykush313]

@@GeekyGarden Raisins.

[@PghFlip]

instructions unclear, started fire.

[@rollomartins6224]

PghFlip Rofl

[@Sketteck]

@@GeekyGarden I prefer butter to milk, but to each their own.

[@Pantherman1979]

"Fortunately they don't taste like piss" followed by "Let me just check they don't taste like piss" Big Clive, you almost made me squirt my coffee out my nose in laughter, bravo, this is why I LOVE watching your videos man.

[@isaacstewart3601]

Leave it to clive to clinically document the maths and logic of his morning porridge

[@TheWtfnonamez]

Oats, powdered milk, dried fruit, zip lock bags .... Suddenly I see a survivalist.

[@kensmith5694]

It can be a great thing to take camping if the mornings will be cold. For that, folk tend to make it a bit heavier on the additions.

[@bobhumplick4213]

or more likely a bachelor. a single man cant keep milk. it spoils too quickly

[@kensmith5694]

@@bobhumplick4213 In some caces, they can keep milk in the freezer to make it last. Still powered milk in this case is a good option because it lasts at room temperature.

[@ladygardener100]

@@kensmith5694 If you ar camping, it might be inconvenient to lug the microwave around.

[@ladygardener100]

@@bobhumplick4213 urban myth, modern milk lasts for seven days in a fridge.

[@creepingbert]

I'll bet when Ralfy makes his, the octane rating is a little higher..

[@ReverendFlatus]

Saccharin may or may not cause cancer, but it sure tastes disgusting.

[@ThePonduz]

Sure does! Stevia is awesome tho!

[@joeofloath]

I'm fairly sure that's genetic, like coriander/cilantro. I can't taste artificial sweeteners beyond the obvious sweet flavour.

[@warrenmacdonald1372]

My aunt had two of those fizzy saccharine in her coffee every morning, for 40 years and she died of stomach cancer at the age of 67

[@HuntersMoon78]

ReverendFlatus - Well don't eat it directly then!

[@gordonlawrence4749]

@@GeneCash same here it's bloody awefull stuff and you just cant get rid of the after taste.

[@brucegoatly]

This must be the first in Clive's range of classic Scottish fashion videos - Oat Couture...

[@epicbeardface2981]

To quote my uncle Toby . "That's not how you make porridge"

[@Borals]

KatzRool if you’re gonna troll at least be good at it

[@KatzRool]

What'd I do wrong then?

[@TheRealWindlePoons]

Best porridge I had was at boarding school, huge vat, serves 80.

[@brianborell4469]

6:25, "I've put all manner of stuff in the microwave." ROFLMAO! Later he pulls out bag of instant porridge from Quaker. "Let's take it to bits". Best Big Clive video EVER!!!

[@BP-bx6si]

This reminds me of the story Goldilocks and the one bear.

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

Then the Great Huge Bear said "Someone's been eating *MY* porridge... and it was delicious!"

[@maryannebrown2385]

Yes! I knew that thought had to occur to someone else besides me!

[@Agent24Electronics]

I make mine with sultanas, cinnamon and sometimes banana. There's no need for sugar when you add fruit, in my opinion. As for the milk, I just pour it on top afterwards because I'm absolutely barbaric.

[@bozoc2572]

Pretty much what makes a good porridge.

[@jk9554]

genuine scotsman != fruit...

[@michaelthibault7930]

Maple syrup. The real deal. That it's _so_ expensive makes the experience so much _hotter_ -- so more memorable.

[@raykent3211]

That's what I call a decent recipe!

[@zeeblats]

Sliced porridge has been reinvented as a flapjack

[@Jamal_Tyrone]

i love flapjacks!

[@peglor]

@@andymerrett The good flapjacks use plenty of butter and golden syrup to hold them together.

[@jumbo4billion]

@@peglor making flapjacks with black treacle instead of syrup tastes good.

[@LazerLord10]

I remember seeing those sweeteners in Norway and thought they were pretty neat! I like them a lot more than the paper packets we have here in the US. I'll have to find a place to buy some.

[@vanguard1427]

Norway would use a different type of sweeting agent like xylitol over what we in the UK use

[@kr1886]

As a wee boy growing up in the former shipbuilding town of Greenock, porridge was made with water and a sprinkle of salt. When served up in the bowl I could top it with milk and a sprinkle of sugar. These days it's stirred patiently with my wooden spoon, no spurtle, at a ratio of 2 to 1 oats to milk. Raisins or sultanas plus chopped banana are the regular accoutrements, often supplemented by chopped apple and pear when in season and finished with a drizzle of heather honey. Clive is a heathen, obviously, with the sachcarine and coffeemate. I suspect he sees the sun rise before me in the morning :) , here's a wee link re the porridge drawer- www.scotsman.com/news/a-slice-of-porridge-has-always-been-top-drawer-1-1408827

[@weetecguy97]

Yes with the milk

[@ThePlayerToBeNamedLater]

From Greenock myself here. As a lad some 35 years ago, porridge in the morn and perhaps some slice. Occasional ice cream from the Orangefield cafe at the West station. Havent been back since 92.

[@Moraren]

I sometimes mix some cocoa with it, and add a sliced banana after heating, it delicious. The worst porridge i've had was in the military, Alot of times it was best enjoyed by putting it in a plastic bag, and in a pocket under the jacket. Nothing like a hot bag of "porridge" to warm you up on a cold and dark winter morning in a snowy forest.

[@StapledFish]

A quick tip for faster cooling is to remove 50ml from the initial water you'd add, replace with ice cubes once microwaved and stir till melted.

[@MrMiss-cp9bw]

A quick tip for even faster cooling: Remove 50 ml from initial water and add it afterwards, stir until mixed. Who the fuck has ice cubes anyway? 🙄

[@SirDamned]

Starts adding coffee mate, had to delete my browser history and change my ip address, wtf

[@staxter6]

Very good.

[@DrOneOneOne]

Yep. Utterly revolting.

[@jamesbrown4092]

The former Mrs. Brown once made mac & cheese using coffee whitener because we were out of milk. We ended up giving it to the dog. The dog just looked up at us with a, "Are you mad at me?", expression on her face.

[@raykent3211]

The worst part is that it doesn't get battered and deep fried. Inauthentic.

[@mazzalnx]

I'm so glad that junk like Coffee Mate or Miracle Whip don't even exist in my country. If you offer to pour anything other than milk in someone's coffee you're either going to get a punch or a slap to your face. Also I don't get the appeal of sugar. I was definitely addicted to it as a kid (EVERYTHING sold to kids is loaded with it, I was trained to add a spoonful of sugar to already-sweetened choc milk), but as the years passed, I just started enjoying coffee black. Lemonade, no sugar. Passion fruit juice, no sugar. These fruits taste awesome and tangy on their own... Contrast is the spice of life.

[@worldofameiso5491]

God’s teeth man, are you sure you’re Scottish?

[@MetalheadAndNerd]

You mean a real Scotsman wouldn't add a second sweetener pill?

[@stu0things0and0stuff]

i'm only part scotish and this poridge debarkle leaves me thinking of un subbing !!!

[@TheRealWindlePoons]

@@stu0things0and0stuff I'm totally English but brought up (in the 1960s) in Glasgow and have a daughter with strong links to Inverness. I find the unconventional (but practical) aspects of this recipe an absolute delight.

[@stu0things0and0stuff]

@@TheRealWindlePoons :)

[@ebaab9913]

Well my father had a Scottish surname and my mother also, and I have never been even near Scotland, but this sounds more like New Britain oats to me. I only eat raw oats with whole milk a half teaspoon of brown sugar and a splash of Golden syrup. Also add Bran flakes with sultanas because oats, even whole grain oats, have very little flavor. Oats is just far too messy to cook, you may as well be cooking glue in your pot.

[@JoshuaBlanchard]

As someone from grits country, I can confirm that grits require some butter--plus some salt and black pepper. Hope you enjoy!

[@rimmersbryggeri]

Oats. "A grain that in england is generally given to horses but in scotland supports the people." Dr. Johnson LOL

[@simpleminded1uk]

Hence the excellence of their horses and our people.

[@rimmersbryggeri]

@Sassy The Sasquatch This was written in the Regency Period. Maybe before.

[@capnskiddies]

@Sassy The Sasquatch I don't dislike them, I just can't be fuckin arsed. I'd've three eggs boiled, with some salmon and spinach eaten and washing up done by the time I could scald the face off myself with porridge.

[@602Sean]

Maybe us Scots are hung like those sasenact horses too?

[@jonc4403]

@Sassy The Sasquatch Americans really don't eat oatmeal (what we call it here) that much. And as a Southerner, I'd almost be more likely to have grits.

[@jackhudson4510]

I use oats and milk. Microwave for 3 minutes and cut a banana on top. I like honey and cinnamon too. I don't measure anything though, I like to live life on the edge.

[@bluegod1695]

Absolute mad lad

[@SPARKY832010]

sounds like my type of brekkie haha

[@kennmossman8701]

cut a banana on top........why would you put a banana on top and cut it?

[@RomanoPRODUCTION]

Awesome with cinnamon :)

[@shroom588]

Water Salt and Porridge on a stove and a Spurtle to stir

[@KennethPaul]

All the way

[@markiangooley]

In Canada you can get a spurtle at Lee Valley Tools, or at least you could for a while.

[@blackduck5054]

yep thats the way we do it

[@Solocat1]

add some peas...

[@Farlig69]

The only way.... this video is a disgrace and should be taken down, by AvE, hacking....

[@pabond008]

My dad was recently recovering from open heart surgery, so I was making his meals for him, including oatmeal/porridge. I had never made it before, so I didn't realize it foamed up in the microwave until the timer went off and I opened the door to find it had gone everywhere... I did it on the stove top after that.

[@LordoftheJamesClan]

I wanted to write a paper on all the bad things artificial sweeteners cause. I did hear all the rumors after all. I dug through the scholarly database available at the college library and found out of 500 international studies, only one found any "evidence" of negative effects from the sweeteners. Of course the one study was also the one always sited in the rumor mills. My paper ended up being on the negative stereotypes of artificial sweeteners, and my hippy professor gave me a pretty low grade.

[@Suzyboo73]

That would be likely because you didn't learn to dig deeper

[@xijinpingsfavoritehemorrho1328]

I feel like shit when ive accidentally eaten splenda, ace k, etc. I go back to check cause i feel shite and there it is.

[@crackedemerald4930]

Anything: *exists* California: *_THIS PRODUCT CAUSES CANCER_*

[@adamswenson1093]

California would know. It's a very cancerous state.

[@kylelee1911]

I think it's just anything that exists in California causes cancer

[@dekjet]

@@andymerrett Theres a website that tracks which products cause or cure cancer according to Daily Mail. kill-or-cure.herokuapp.com/

[@LatitudeSky]

Technically, life is fatal. It also causes cancer, heart disease, gout, bad breath and dandruff. We should ban life.

[@matthew3p]

Power cord : *exists* California: *CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER!*

[@dennis8196]

No one is bigger than bigclivedotcom, even a Canadian can't claim that!

[@JOSEPHZZ123]

Dennis Smith I got his address if you want to give him felatio in person. (pretend this comment is a

[@dennis8196]

@@JOSEPHZZ123 almost lol

[@vitya404uk]

Clive, can you make this a series, and go through the day? Bacon rolls next?

[@macbaar]

No, a bacon porridge please... 🥓🥓🥓🥓😜🇨🇭

[@markmillett6540]

He has done a few other things in the past, such as a quick microwave cake.

[@lawdelpus]

Or how to hunt and kill a haggis

[@crazygeorgelincoln]

Microwaving bacon can melt microwave safe Tupperware.

[@valiantknight6364]

I hate grits so much even tho I'm from America Apparently porridge like you just made is the same as oatmeal here in the states. And I'm so glad I'm not the only one that uses creamer lol. I should start making those little packages for myself

[@mrdovie47]

My mother went to Scotland as a young girl on a steamship to Edinburgh. She said the homes were cold and drafty and everyone wore bathrobes over their regular clothes to keep warm. So porridge might be OK left in a drawer. We may have to wear bathrobes this winter due to our planned "fuel crisis".

[@countesscable]

I remember back in the late 50’s/60’s ladies wore ‘housecoats indoors over their clothes to keep warm. At night we wore ‘bed jackets’

[@mrdovie47]

@@countesscable I remember "Smoking Jackets" also.

[@jasonbucy]

For the people that are in the US. I recommend Bob’s Red Mill Rolled Oats. Very good quality.

[@CommodoreFan64]

They are, but can be a bit pricey for some budgets, and have a few kids to feed lol!

[@Sashazur]

I second this. And they make a quick version that you can nuke and they’re done in 2 minutes. But they are definitely more spendy than other oats.

[@McSynth]

I can recommednd the Achray House Hotel on Lochearnhead (Scotland...). Their breakfast porridge has the option of being served with double cream and/or 18 year old malt. I sometimes have managed three breakfasts, before the fried stuff /newspaper time.

[@hairfritz2667]

Most of the Scots I know are already far too pissed by breakfast time to need whisky in their porridge.

[@LKD70]

Those premade packs are so sickly sweet. It's horrific.

[@scottjgray83]

Scots oats premades are ok. Theres no sugar just oats if that helps. I know its 2 year ago but hey.

[@LKD70]

@@scottjgray83 I have those too, as long as it's the plain ones and not the syrup ones they're good.

[@scottjgray83]

@@LKD70 tell me about it. I accidentally picked up the syrup Quaker ones. It was exactly how you put it, horrific.

[@eLJaybud]

You're meant to make your porridge with water and salt! Anyone would think you mean to enjoy your porridge. 😂

[@harrisonh9558]

Wow, I had a great time watching this man make his porridge. Yep it’s 2am

[@My_wife_left_me]

I feel you

[@stephenswift9868]

Only 2am?

[@sismofytter]

In Denmark we are more effective so we just eat raw oats with cold milk and sugar and/or raisins on top 🙂 no cool down time and takes two minutes to get in the bowl ⏩✅ Clive try it with your raw oats 🙂

[@rosen9425]

Scandinavia for the win. haven't had that in 15 years or so, for a reason :D

[@kevind6645]

Isn't that called Muesli?

[@f123raptor]

sismofytter My mother is Danish. I make my oats every evening with water (I can’t have milk) and let it soften in the fridge overnight. Im 35 and it was just the other day that she found out and gave me a nod of approval and said “That’s how we made it at home when I was a girl“.

[@sismofytter]

@@f123raptor cooking it with water and eat it with butter and sugar are fairly common too but it's eaten hot.

[@FroggyMosh]

@@kevind6645 I think it is. I generally buy it as Meusli. I eat it raw or nuked into a porridge state. Dutch guy by the way. :D

[@LadyLexyStarwatcher]

KZbin: Here watch this video. Me: Fine...now I want oatmeal...

[@PaulSteMarie]

You left out the most important question: rolled or steel cut oats? In answer to your grits question: yes, usually savory. Butter is required, cheese is a common addition, but I've seen jelly or preserves added. That assume you're eating once-cooked grits. There's also fried mush, where the grits are allowed to cool into a solid mass and sliced about 1/2" thick. The slices are then fried in butter and served with maple syrup or honey.

[@markfisher7962]

He answered this @ :55. It's milled oats.

[@neilf1059]

@@markfisher7962 Yes, what I would call rolled oats. I don't think I have ever seen 'steel cut' oats here in Sydney, or Brisbane

[@TheRealWindlePoons]

"...I guess the houses were quite cold..." The Glasgow tenement where I lived in the 1960s would fit that description...

[@lisawinter4597]

"Local bear revolutionizes the entire pre-made porridge business."

[@koezkoez1939]

Hmmm .my Scottish family is I think the normal Scott way.Cook in a pan with salt and water ,then pour milk on after boiled . Add brown sugar to taste .Its good because it cools the porridge fast and tastes great. I can't eat it without salt.I miss my mother.

[@Blakehx]

Thanks for the recipe! I like porridge better than grits! It's good with pretty much any dried fruit but I like a mix of cranberries and currants... I usually use honey after it comes out of the microwave! You should be OK with the sacharin though, it only causes cancer in California😁

[@michaelstephens360]

For your grits, sir, I recommend butter with sugar actually instead of just butter. Or some shredded cheese as an alternative. My dad even mixes up a fried egg after the grits are prepared. Just a suggestion. You’ll either love them or hate them

[@glassramen]

Here in the states for oatmeal, at least growing up, we'd just make it with water brown sugar and a bit of butter. That was about it. Never ate it very frequently, but it was always something nice to eat on a rainy morning.

[@philipwells2793]

After the saccharin, I was expecting Iron Bru to somehow make its way into the recipe

[@sqike001ton]

I though a real Scotsman porridge had whiskey in it

[@alastair852]

spike001ton absolutely not! It has whisky in it.

[@girlsdrinkfeck]

scotch actually

[@Solocat1]

His brothers recipe has Single malt in it :-)

[@Nilguiri]

whisky *

[@mazzalnx]

Isn't that an Ireland thing...?

[@roderickwhitehead]

Can you make it on a 1" thick slab of steel on your gas grill?

[@johncochran8497]

Bit of an AvE fan?

[@SeanBZA]

Yes, and it does come out nicely browned as well. Did that this weekend with the Cadac camping, everything tasted better.

[@ThetaReactor]

Let it cool all the way, shape into patties, fry up on a hot piece of metal. Also works for grits.

[@museonfilm8919]

Nairn's Oatcakes are fab. Plus you can get them in savoury & sweet. But the plain ones, with a bit of butter, are the best!

[@mcomiskey7]

Great with cheese too.

[@sheendex]

There's a choc chip version that's gorgeous

[@ozwhistles]

I do my porridge savory. Rolled-oats, Add garlic cracked black pepper, dry chicken stock, dried noodles, fresh parsley, fresh basil. Toss in a pot, add water and boil till thick enough to eat with a fork. Eat hot. (the noodles improve the mouth-feel).

[@porkdemon]

ozwhistles madness...pure madness...

[@ozwhistles]

@@porkdemon Glad to be of service ;)

[@straingedays]

Guaranteed my grandpa never had porridge made this way, he was born 1910 in Paisley. He only told us his dad would eat a hot soft boiled egg for breakfast and after he'd leave for work all three kids who watched him eat it would race to eat the cold top of the egg left on the table. That's all they had till dinner.

[@vadimsky]

@3:01 auto-generated subtities: "when i was young woman" lol

[@mazzalnx]

... subtitties? Calm down, chief!

[@frazzlejacks]

Proud lowlander here from Ayr. Holy Carp! seriously.... your say u are a Genuine Scotsman???? Never in my 41 almost 42 years have I ever seen anything as monstrous as this concoction. Please move to England immediately... for your own safety! I can forgive the use of a microwave we all have busy lives. But! sweeteners and coffee mate WTF?

[@SpeccyMan]

I'm an Englishman of 15 more years on you (meaning more experienced porridge-eater lol) and even I found the sweetener and coffee mate idea completely yuck.

[@isladurrant2015]

I agree, but it was fun anyway.

[@raykent3211]

He was expelled from Scotland years ago, possibly for this reason. He fled to the Isle of Man.

[@gmo4250]

I’m English. I would not even dream of making porridge with sweeteners and coffee mate. Look at the ingredients on coffee mate, what is in that stuff? It sounds like a chemical factory leak. I just use oats, water and a pinch of salt.

[@weetecguy97]

Aye he fucked it lads

[@dustinsmith8341]

This sounds like microwaving in milk with extra steps.

[@TheScarvig]

my thoughts... i could understand if he was using this recipe for porridge "on the go" where all thats available is boiling or hot water from a thermos or hot water dispenser, but for breakfast i would skip on the creamer and use actual milk.

[@dragade101]

I opt for sausage, ginger and flax to help balance how many carbs I take while getting more kcals, for the same mass of food.

[@natgrant1364]

Oddly enough, I'm now craving some oatmeal. I wonder why...

[@El_Grincho]

Water, rolled oats and salt - that's all. (well, lingonberryjam (cowberries for some) + milk aswell)

[@mattiaskestiostergren190]

Found the Swede 😜

[@Hotkife]

For me it has to be "Scott's Oats". Double the water to the volume of oats. Example: 1/2 cup porridge oats - 1 cup water Pinch of salt Bring to the boil on the stove, reduce heat and simmer until it resembles bubbling lava. (this is how that simulated lava in old movies) Finish with milk. Only sweetness I ever add is maybe a chopped banana.

[@johnbelli9390]

My microwave recipe is similar. You need a dish deep enough so it doesn't boil over. I put the steel-cut oats in with an equivalent amount of water and microwave for 2 minutes the night before. Let it cool a bit then put in the fridge. Next morning, add a measure of water again, stir it up, then m/w for 1-2 minutes at a time until done.

[@johncodling9805]

I've never understood people who say I only use Scotts or Quaker oats. They all come out of the same fucking field/mill and put in the packaging of the various customers.

[@Hotkife]

@@johncodling9805 agreed oats are oats but there is further grading and processes involved that improve the final product. Uniformity and the removal of bad oats and crushed oats that make it overly stodgy.

[@johncodling9805]

@@Hotkife Rab thank you for that info, I am living here in Thailand so only Quaker here so have it every morning, my wife who is from Tbilisi Georgia has just knocked up some damson jam tastes great so tomorrow I will try it in my porridge.

[@Eremon1]

Sugar industry is also responsible for the current views on fats, which are not as unhealthy as we've been led to believe.

[@JessicaFEREM]

Brown sugar is just white sugar with molasses. both molasses and white sugar are both shelf stable (but not when combined) so you can just keep them separate until you want "brown sugar" where you just add a little dab in.

[@GpD79]

So, essentially, porridge in Scotland is simply known as oatmeal in the US. The more you know...

[@singeslayer8367]

Those are weird electronics, not sure if I have ever seen this kind before...

[@adamswenson1093]

Maybe it's a new form of biological circuitry?

[@CyberlightFG]

That's solar stuff

[@two_tier_gary_rumain]

Oats = breadboard Raisins = resistors Saccharin = capacitors Cream = LEDs Not that hard to comprehend.

[@nvmyutube]

the teardown had a reasonable level of detail however i did expect a schematic .... bigclivecookingchannel next ?

[@mistakay9019]

Coffee mate clive. absolute genius thats been staring me in the face for YEARS

[@grahamrutherford8800]

Made with water only. Top of the milk added before serving. Alas homogenisation killed that!

[@zimbag]

Coffee mate has a lot of fat....mainly palm oil. Not the healthy option.

[@TWS001]

@@zimbag whats the alternative?

[@JulieWallis1963]

My darling husband loves porridge (and his surname is Wallis but he won’t wear a kilt) it’s such a nice food, quick, easy, healthy and tasty. I make it with hot milk then we add the extras when it’s in the bowl. Extras can include, maple syrup, cream, berries, banana, golden syrup, mango. I will try it this way next time.

[@peckelhaze6934]

My daily version is, one cup (no, I am not American) of Scott's Porridge Oats, fill plastic bowl with milk. Then microwave for 3 minutes and add honey, it's at perfect temperature. Done this for years.

[@mclaren3722]

Next time on 'Cooking with Clive', deep fried Mars bar.

[@stonent]

It's ok, he's a professional Scottsman.

[@bullhornzz]

I prefer my oats to have been fermented and sat in an oak barrel for a few years before eating them 😁

[@FireAngelOfLondon]

I am a lover of facts and I thought you might appreciate these: Saccharin was first produced in 1879 and in spite of attempts by the sugar industry to smear it there is absolutely no evidence that it causes any health problems in humans right up to this day. Large doses cause bladder cancer in rats but that has been traced to a difference in their metabolism that means that saccharin causes problems in a rat's bladder that it does not cause in humans. Sugar on the other hand... In 2016 these are the official UK figures for the three substances that cause the most premature deaths: 3rd: Alcohol with 22,000 deaths per year (the BMA states that this is wrong and it is more like 80,000 but whatever, it is still third). 2nd Smoking with 120,000 deaths per year. 1st Sugar at 184,000 deaths per year. Saccharin? a long way down the table at joint last with an average of 0 deaths per year. EDITED for spelling errors.

[@jondonnelly4831]

1 in 4 people who drink water die of cancer.

[@mrj.o4556]

FireAngel Londoner I am not trying to argue with you but there might be less deaths for Sacharin because less people eat it

[@crackedemerald4930]

Does drinking water cause more cancer (by making you live more) than not ever drinking water? Does eating plutonium cause more cancer than just living? Is this very dumb? (Yes)

[@FireAngelOfLondon]

@@mrj.o4556 If every human being on Earth ate saccharin every day there would probably still be no deaths from eating it. OK, maybe a few people would prove to be allergic to it, but that is much more likely with large molecular structures and saccharin is quite a small structure by biochemical standards. Sugar kills far more people in a week than saccharin has over the entire 140 years since its discovery.

[@PeterWasted]

@@crackedemerald4930 Plutonium is, I believe, poisonous as well as radioactive so it would likely kill you by radiation poisoning or more conventional poisoning before you developed cancer.

[@alexandersimpson3638]

However the coffee mate is mainly sugar.. Try sucralose instead of saccharine, it survives higher temps and is devoid of the bitterness associated with saccharin.. 👍

[@billcook4768]

Scotsman: Invariably shoot out at very high speed American: Hears something very different

[@peckelhaze6934]

Oats, milk 3 min in microwave followed by honey. Englishman with Scottish grandparents.

[@meagrebones]

Nice, please show us how you make coffee in the Aeropress. Everyone has a different method.

[@DasIllu]

Tried to replicate. Got a typo on my shopping list. Anyone wanna buy 55 goats?

[@brianterrill9587]

I go 50/50 milk & cream in the nuker w/ a pinch of salt. Then add walnuts and brown sugar. Yumm!

[@tyronemixx]

I’m so glad I discovered your channel a few weeks ago. Your sense of humor is absolutely fantastic!

[@horatiopugwash9183]

Oats Salt Water Anything else is blasphemy. ☺

[@tncorgi92]

@Alec Hemy ewwww

[@LakshmananLM]

@@tncorgi92 I second that!

[@captainpugwash4100]

And I thought that Scots lived entirely on deep fried Mars bars. Breakfast stored pre made in ziplock bags is a sure sign of a terminal pedantic.

[@chubyali]

This whole video was an excuse for possessing seally bags and gram scales....great alibi dude..

[@Ivy_Panda]

People in midwest and northeast of the United States eat porridge, but we call it oatmeal. Usually it's the south that eats corn grits. They're quite good with butter.

[@PatSprayNativeLife]

And in the US north? Grits are with cream & butter and a sweetener of some sort (sugar & cinnamon or maple syrup or honey)... basically served like cream of wheat (grits are made from hominy corn).

[@pausenrewind6598]

Yorkshire lad here, I have 4 X that amount, semi skimmed milk, squeazy honey nutmeg, cinnamon & raisen's or dried Apricots, it fills a bowl to the top, best in MW on half power for longer 4 - 5 mins then it doesn't bubble over, then I'm set up until about 3 or 4 pm, best thing out for starting the day. You can now get Mylar press seal bags just the right size for preparing batches to keep fresh.