How a Group Marriage Went Terribly Wrong

In 1969, two “conventional” married couples met, swapped partners, and lived in a group marriage, hoping to pioneer an alternative to divorce. It didn't work. Read more: www.theatlantic.com/video/ind...
"Quadrangle" was directed by Amy Grappell (www.quadranglefilm.com). It is part of The Atlantic Selects, an online showcase of short documentaries from independent creators, curated by The Atlantic.
Subscribe to The Atlantic on KZbin: bit.ly/subAtlanticYT

[@lildramatic4760]

also “terribly wrong” had me expecting bloodshed tbh

[@laurabowles]

Same. At the end I was like....and?

[@MsDymeOHYES]

Same. Just a bunch of drama.

[@missmgmnt]

Thanks for the warning. Saved me 20 minutes of nothing. LOL

[@myfriendschmeeda]

There was no bloodshed but dammmn, the collateral damage to those kids was extensive

[@christinechesse8777]

Was definitely expecting at least one death and dismemberment

[@samwallaceart288]

You know what I hope, that I figure out this stuff and “find myself” _before_ having kids. Kids deserve a parent who’s actually there.

[@phoenixfire2578]

Something everyone should be doing, or have done. Sadly, for a lot of folks, only hindsight is in 20/20.

[@phoenixfire2578]

@strawberry_shortcake4life I love strawberry shortcake!

[@samwallaceart288]

ThinkAboutWhatYoureSaying - Just a general impression, I admit.

[@johnnybird5466]

@ThinkAboutWhatYoureSaying 6:20. and the regretful look on the mothers face.

[@opalfishsparklequasar8663]

I made so much money babysitting at a very early age during this era, while all tbe parents "found themselves" in the parlance of the era.

[@c-light7624]

Oh ok. ‘Cause I was wondering where the kids were when all of this was going on.

[@scarymonsterzz]

That’s boomers for you. They were called the “me” generation for a reason.

[@patronsaintofpoison]

Excellent anecdote!

[@Elhastezy888]

+opalfish sparklequasar Oh jeez!! :-D the moment I hear or see the word "parlance" I immediately hear "The Dude" sitting in the back of a limo, white russian in hand saying "you know, young trophy wife man, in the parlance of our times ya know" LOL just not something ya hear everyday, thank you for giving me an inadvertent laugh

[@sheriweber6531]

opalfish sparklequasar lol same here.

[@Housewarmin]

The intense zooms are cracking me up. "they went out and ...HAD SEX"

[@joycetam3239]

this entire video is so odd

[@reddogmom3365]

Sincerely Eccentric 😂

[@robind.phillips2129]

😆😆😆😆😆

[@marymary1877]

@@joycetam3239 Its odd because its filmed as if these were important people who did great things, when they are actually nobodies who did nothing, and now they are irrelevant. Old hippies are pathetic.

[@TheLoveweaver]

@@marymary1877 that's harsh & super judgemental. You mean they are just normal people talking about their spicy past and they are no longer young and spicy? It seems just right to me in the context of their age and times they lived through.

[@mandapaige1]

“I was a good woman and wonderful mother.... I was living out the childhood I never had” You can’t say those two things in one sentence. You can’t be a child and a mother. When you have children you put them first not your relationships or your fantasies. That is the number one issue I have with relationships like these. I have had many friends get involved with them and they have never ended well. Their children later went on to resent them.

[@legoqueen2445]

There's a documentary about a 3 person marriage, I think it may have been called "A Post Modern Marriage ". Two men and a woman with the documentary covering an amount of several years. And at first they're all really happy and making it work. But when they had their first child it started to change and fall apart. I think the reality of raising a child created a reality shift where it was no longer 3 people just exploring their lifestyle options but instead having to do the work of nurturing this whole new other person, a baby entirely dependent on them. It didn't work out after that.

[@EyeLean5280]

​@@legoqueen2445 Lots of marriages come apart over kids, not just group marriages. Your experience is limited to watching * one * documentary, so you're not really in a position, are you, to hold an informed opinion about this? Maybe stop judging whole groups of people based on one individual case.

[@legoqueen2445]

@@EyeLean5280 actually the people in the documentary itself said it was when they had the first child that they dynamic of their relationship changed considerably. Given the video in this post is about a group marriage I think it's reasonable to include a comment about another documentary on the same topic. Also a bit condescending of you to assume anything about where my knowledge of group marriages stems from. Maybe stop taking general discussion posts as a personal attack on your values or experiences. Sensitive much?

[@rebekah7062]

Honestly if the whole dynamic didn't involve children it could have maybe worked out itself out in the end with the divorces and what not. But just imagining the confusion and betrayal the kids must have felt is just beyond me. I don't know. I know once kids are in the picture you have to sacrifice your own desires and wants, and I just feel like they (especially the mom) handled it selfishly.

[@hayaglamazonluxe]

I totally agree with this 💯

[@laurabowles]

So much this. Those kids grew up in a broken home.

[@virginiamoss7045]

@@laurabowles - Not necessarily, but I'd like to know how the children fared. They could have had no damage at all or just a little. No one escapes childhood without some negatives. Or they could have suffered a little or a lot. No way to tell.

[@bumptiousbuffoon7824]

@@virginiamoss7045 Read the article linked in the description. Here's the link: www.theatlantic.com/video/index/606457/quadrangle/ The child who made this mini-doc appears to have suffered trauma at least. She describes the experience as "destabilizing" for the other children. The parents were dishonest and self-serving in how they went about the whole affair. Hard to imagine a child coming out of that unscathed.

[@myfriendschmeeda]

And just that mother’s callous remarks as her daughter asked her questions. She couldn’t be bothered to take her daughters concerns seriously now, some 30 years later. Who can imagine she cared any more about her when she was a child and simply in her way?

[@marcpadilla1094]

It wasn't as spontaneous as Deanna thinks.Robert and Elenour were looking for them. Robert hatched up this entire scheme to groom Paul and Deanna into a foursome.

[@sjane7229]

Eleanor never wanted it.

[@aliciaclifford2765]

She’s a great person.... Just ask her. 🙄 Vanity on full display. If you have to tell people that you were a great mother, you probably weren’t.

[@canadianblackmetal4534]

Lmao when she did it she "made love" when her husband did "had sex"

[@stellamanurung519]

double standart

[@KathleenEdge]

Everyone knows that women make love and men have sex. 😉

[@ScorpioSoul-pe2pm]

I think she’s just an icky narcissist.

[@simoncoco1]

Female psychology 101.

[@kimmoore0427]

OMG I caught that also!

[@jezebel324]

The way I see it, Robert and Dee wanted to sleep together, but the other two weren’t quite as keen...and then Paul felt like he lucked out.

[@sndrb1336]

"I don't remember where the kids were" ffs. This latchkey kid has some choice words.

[@virginiamoss7045]

Yeah, men very often don't make the best parents. Seems like they had children way too young and without the bother of birth control. I would like to see a documentary on how all that affected the children. That is my concern. Adults can do whatever they want as long as the children are 100% taken care of. Children are the first in line to dedicate one's life to; the spouse is second. Children can be perfectly fine if they get all they need, regardless of who it is that gives that need, related or not, male or female or trans or whatever. I can't believe that children never noticed.

[@bumptiousbuffoon7824]

@@virginiamoss7045 "men very often don't make the best parents." Very often? Do you have any data to support that? There are more absent fathers than mothers, for sure. But "not parenting" isn't the same as "bad parenting." Your statement comes across as rather sexist

[@carolinebennett5615]

Virginia Moss Wow lady, that’s some judgement going down there - “....had children too young without the bother of birth control”. And parents who devote themselves to their children can be suffocating and cause damage. It’s easy to listen to these people and make judgements. If you were to tell your story there would be people ready to judge you. We’re all messy humans. Better to turn the volume down on those thoughts and be open to learning from other experiences.

[@alwkw3783]

@@virginiamoss7045 really dumb, broad stroke statement there at the beginning.

[@peluso7483]

@@virginiamoss7045 lol who hurt you, sweetheart?

[@MisplacedTexan]

I am so glad I wasn’t born until 1971. This is so not my scene. 😂

[@jbeannie90]

Me too...another 1971'er here!

[@hellosweetheart3350]

1977 glad it's not me either. Although I have been cheated on alot.

[@noneofyourbusiness302]

1972

[@cl9949]

1974 not my thing either wonder if it’s because our parents are all messed up

[@cathrynserr6888]

Me too. February 1971

[@MariaSmith007]

Deanna is dismissive of her daughter’s feelings. She also makes herself look like the better looking one.

[@LuvLykeHunii]

Sofia S right? “I was very attractive, very sexy”

[@gloriabowie5629]

@@LuvLykeHunii she was trying to justify her behavior.

[@SmallBobby]

She cooked the whole thing up because she wanted Robert. She tried to push the other wife away but his wife wasn’t having it. Of course deanna is going to make it seem like she was innocent when she was really the manipulator the whole time.

[@jenniferh.7219]

I did not have a married family dynamic with my parents so I could not imagine how this could be hurtful to a child other than that, perhaps if the child is approaching pre-teens they are not told the truth. If the parents are still functioning as parents and the kids felt loved, I personally don't seem much wrong to the kids (as the swapping happened at night) other than perhaps social fallout and ostracization of the families & their kids once their 'arrangement' became publicly known. Ideally it would be good to be honest to your kids when they reach a certain age ie mommy likes daddy and also has a relationship with Paul. Daddy likes mommy but also has a relationship with Sara. Realistically I would say each couple should just make up their own mind and stick with one partner alone or leave. But there are some polyamorous couples who stay 'married' where it is two ladies one guy or ladies two men (more rare)

[@dwaynelarose278]

Lol her KIDS ARE INTERVIEWING HER? awkward.....

[@michellerenee5028]

Free wheelin' liberals with no boundaries

[@Laker62282]

Miss Molly I don't think it's that. They had boundaries with the kids by trying to keep them in the dark about it. But this is several decades later, so it's easier to talk about it now with the kids.

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

Miss Molly 100% Bernie approved 🇺🇸

[@uncleg4783]

@@michellerenee5028 As you worship the Golden Calf that is donald trump.

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

Corona Virus Never thought I’d upvote the Corona virus, but here we are

[@keithkirk8697]

13.45 cracks me up when she starts talking about how much more attractive she was than the other woman. Hey, lady, we can see the photos.

[@itsmevivi_]

😂😂😂 this comment almost made me spit out my drink...I was definitely thinking the same thought when she said that.

[@nelesonntagodo]

Roger Kirk agreed, Eleanor was extremely attractive. To me she looks also the more interesting. To call her bitchy and herself more attractive and sexy!!!! Maybe she appeared bitchy to Deanne because, Deanne obviously already then looked down on her. Which her words prove, putting Eleanor‘s attractiveness down.

[@CovidConQuitTheCensorship]

Yes the men were dog ugly. Neither one would have caught my eye

[@swilson5320]

I love how she wave her hands while she said it. No judgement about what she said. I just laughed

[@Claudia-cr2pm]

I wonder how this would look to us if it happened in a much lower socio economic bracket?

[@PHlophe]

Coco, it does already.

[@sammymelgar9191]

Colette colette criminal 😪 @the mass incarceration from the war of drugs

[@evelynwaugh4053]

@@sammymelgar9191 not really. In the 70s there wasn't a war on drugs, there were not yet federal funds dedicated to its detection or eradication. Casual users were sometimes arrested, but generally only detected in the context of the investigation of a different crime.

[@johannachin2921]

That's what Jerry Springer is for.

[@Claudia-cr2pm]

@@johannachin2921 right!!

[@NegatingSilence]

I think the dual screen editing is totally workable, but you've gotta do a bit of work on the timing and the audio so that you can listen to one snippet at a time

[@mlmanville8174]

She did that in early cuts, but found it did not work as well; it was a conscious artistic choice to have this overlap. Search for the interview with her about this at vimeo if you want to hear the reasoning.

[@janjISMYname]

Sounded purposeful done, to me?!

[@StacyPowerhouse]

NegatingSilence yeah definitely. I was listening to this and not watching it and was a bit confused as to what was going on.

[@dragonof10jc63]

I liked it. Made it seem as if you were there listening to their story together. But I am use to this type of conversation.

[@aryebognar6663]

They're not saying anything unique or different or thoughtful. So it's best to get it over with by compressing it all together.

[@alique13]

I thought my paretnts are weird. Sorry mom, sorry dad.

[@rose4490]

I know dat's right! I guess my parents particular brand of crazy wasn't so bad.

[@grumpyoldlady_rants]

Very interesting. Now, please do one on the kids and what their childhood was like.

[@lisachandler9959]

I'm pretty sure that the daughter of one of the featured couples is the filmmaker.

[@caraziegel7652]

this was not what i would call a group marriage, more like an ongoing swap, and it just ended because the original marriages werent strong

[@owmystomachhurts]

Yeah, this.

[@SmallBobby]

With hidden agendas and nonstop manipulation. Robert is manipulative, Deanna is and always was drunk on lust for him so much she couldn't even see his nefarious ways. Paul didn't have any balls, and Eleanor should've bailed long time ago instead of fighting with Deanna as some sort of power play.

[@zanelemofikoe2374]

Have you swapped? You sound experienced

[@sndrb1336]

I thought the point of experimentation is to learn something. But I have yet to see a boomer retrospective that takes that approach. Mostly it's "yeah, we were young we did stupid things" But why. Why did it fail. Was it a good idea to begin with... etc The cynical side of me thinks most of this 'experimentation' was really just selfishness, opportunism or both.

[@janetownley]

sndr b - You’re lumping 72 million people (the number of ‘baby boomers’ in the U.S.) in an 18-year age range, into one big category and thinking you come to serious conclusions about them. That’s ridiculous. This current tendency of dividing everybody into 2 or 3 age groups and then making broad, prejudicial assumptions about them is not very smart and certainly not very civil or friendly

[@moumous87]

you said it right

[@VomitPinata]

Yes. !00% this. The ones who embraced the counterculture's "free love" & "dropping out" of society, anyway. Those kinds of choices come with some heavy psychological and emotional consequences. Nothing is free. Not even love. More like "love on the installment plan". There will be a balance to pay.

[@almounasaddiyeh8685]

Patty J. Ayers she’s not talking about all baby boomers. Only about these 4. I agree with the selfishness and opportunism in them.

[@lorettalynndavis9695]

Selfishness and experimentation to fulfill our lusts is always the motivation. They didn't "learn" anything but how to morally corrupt themselves and lived to tell about it...

[@trishanderson7435]

When you start wanting someone else, you’re marriage is over.

[@cadavher]

@Usa mabaho maybe the first 3 you mistook lust for love? And with your fourth wife you found both with her? It's not uncommon, lots of people cant tell lust from love.

[@virginiamoss7045]

@@cadavher - Correction: It's men who confuse lust for love the most. Women can usually discern the difference. How many times does the man tell the woman he loves her just to get sex? When most men say "love" they totally mean lust. Women want love; men want sex.

[@millions2nette]

@@virginiamoss7045 Yep...Makes sense, for the most part...

[@Music_Lover0612]

*your But agree

[@JulsLittleBeirutAnarchy]

Trish Anderson Marriage is a strange ownership. LoL 😝

[@davidalejandrocc]

Judging by the title, I was expecting a more tragic story

[@c-light7624]

This wasn’t a group marriage. And I’m still waiting for the “terribly wrong”... That being said, this was an interesting story. Need a part 2: did the new couples stay together after the 2nd marriage? Where’s Eleanor and Robert? Want their perspective too. How about the kids. How were they affected? So many questions.

[@lucianne7249]

C-light yes - I’d love a follow-up, and to hear more from the children’s perspectives.

[@josephsvennson5694]

I'm still wait for that too. No-one ended up in hospital so I don't know what was so terrible about something that wasn't even a marriage. I used to trust the Atlantic.

[@evesyriac3372]

What about DzNA for those kids hum!!

[@PrivacyPlease_]

This dual screen editing was so frustrating to watch. I trudged through because I was interested in their story. Ugh.

[@poor_old_goat]

The editing made me care so much less about the story :/ I thought this was going to be slightly objective, rather than two subjective sides of a four sided story :/... very disappointed.

[@LakeshoreChick]

It’s annoying to me too

[@gb11809]

Yeah, I had to pick one person to listen to. I picked her, but it’s very annoying to not be able to have both POVs clearly laid out

[@sashalillian7900]

Yeah. It's very annoying.

[@michaelremer7721]

Nedega Dolma the point was that they both have the same story and say the same stuff

[@kc3318]

One minute in and I would have named her "SOUR peaches." Uggggh. I'd also do a DNA test on all the kids, too.

[@lostinthelookingglas]

I really think they are a bad example of a poly relationship. Seems like both couples were having serious issues to start with and decided that adding more people to the mix would “spice things up”. No wonder it didn’t work out. Also, what kind of a selfish person thinks that having another kid will prevent a divorce???

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

This--having another child would prevent a divorce--was a commonly held belief decades ago. So what kind of person? Plenty of people back then. They thought they were doing what was right for their family. (Sure, today, people know this is not a good idea.) This 20/20 meansight look on a generation doesn't look flattering on you. Polyamory was not well thought out back then. You couldn't read about it on the Internet and swap best practices as people do today. If you have such difficulty looking backward on a different era and understanding how cultural change happens over time, what does the future hold in terms of your understanding the generations that follow you?

[@almounasaddiyeh8685]

lostinthelookingglas well I know at least 3 couples who tried to salvage their marriages with another baby... it never works...

[@heathers432]

I get the idea that they were contemplating a divorce when they found out they were pregnant and then resigned themselves to stay together "for the kids".

[@scarymonsterzz]

There’s a reason boomers were originally called the “me” generation.

[@marymary1877]

They are older then 'boomers'. But growing up at the very edge of the boomers (b. 1965)was traumatizing. hippies and swingers...They were disgusting.

[@ladybug4408]

@@marymary1877 I was a kid in the sixties and hippies were dirty, they didn't bathe much. I can remember the long hair, dirty long jeans, maxi dresses, etc.. There was a movie with Sally Field, I think it was called something like 'Maybe I'll Come Home in the Spring' maybe? That movie really depicts hippies of that time. Great movie!

[@marymary1877]

@@ladybug4408 I grew up in Massapequa. They were everywhere. My father worked as a real estate agent and often had to clean out houses they left behind. And they were disgusting. There is no way to sugar coat it. They were also twisted in the head. I remember one day walking behind two hippies down the street. They didn't notice me, I had to be about 6 or 7. Probably 7 because that's when I wandered off more. Kids were more "free range" then and I was allowed to go anywhere within 2 blocks of my house. They were holding hands and talking about how they would commit suicide together, planning to go to Manhattan and jump off a building holding hands. I didn't realize it was suicide they were talking about till much later, I knew what they were planning was bad. They were talking about it in the same way or tone as people talk about going to a wonderful party. I often wonder if they actually went through with it.

[@christinebuckingham8369]

xConsultingTrickster Isn’t this what is now called polyamory by younger generations? I feel bad for children of any of these relationship situations.

[@whoareyoutoaccuseme]

@@ladybug4408 what's wrong with maxi dresses?! I've always loved them, always tried to dress modestly. Don't understand the criticism. Also, maxi dresses didn't come into style til the 70s. In 1971 women in North America were still in miniskirts.

[@suzystone244]

" Describe yourself in food form ... " DURIAN Fruit.

[@jospeaches8533]

Fruit loops

[@user-wl6bw3jl4n]

garlic

[@mlisaacs4514]

People have always said."kids are resilient...they're young...they'll get over it...they bounce back" Well... Yes they are resilient...& they may be young...No they don't get over it...and they never quite bounce again😞😞😞 Parents are the child's "parental model"... These models wouldn't even make it to the runway!!! Fairly sad...to be honest

[@lindadobberstein2035]

It traumatized the children! Selfish adults!

[@Questinia1]

I really liked the editing. It gave the impression that they were eventually going to run into each other.

[@lorirees4248]

I blame this on youth and ego. Youth when you think desire and sex is the most important thing and ego because you think you need to be desired and can sleep with people just because you want to because you’re restless.

[@adoseofreality8301]

“ I was a very good woman and mother”!!! Bahahaaaa 😂😂😂 ok lady!!!

[@VeryMerryVintage]

Exactly she had her sights on her best friend's husband( the doctor). Funny how one thing fell into place after another. Sounds like someone was manipulating the situation.

[@hayaglamazonluxe]

The mother seems cold and selfish. I feel sorry for the children in this situation. Doesn't sound like they were a priority.

[@mrsjuzziegreen]

I think she's being interviewed by her daughter about her sex life. Maybe detatched was the only way she could cope with it.

[@aga1234talom]

Paul : I don’t remember where the kids were..😟

[@yeahiprotest]

Interesting editing choices not sure I’m totally on board with it

[@KabobHope]

You are very diplomatic, yeahi.

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

Kabob Hope 😂 must be a Midwesterner

[@scarlet8078]

Yes, it may be a good story but few people will see it bc it's ruined by the editing, layering 2 interviews to literally speak simultaneously. Nobody wants to listen to a 20min oral story told by 2 people separately & then purposefully edited to interrupt each other every 60 seconds. It's fine to go back & forth, but let a person's segment finish before playing the next one. It's unclear why any video tech would do this, and why The Atlantic doesn't have some quality control or content editor to catch it before publishing. I'm glad they're learning to use "new media" but perhaps they'd benefit from watching some successful KZbin videos to see how editing is properly done.

[@virginiamoss7045]

I found it very distracting. I decided that the total zooming in must have been an effort to get the camera to focus.

[@ChateauShack]

@@scarlet8078 Thank you Scarlet - my thoughts exactly. I found it to be quite distracting to have people talking at the same time.

[@aureliusmarcus1817]

This woman is absolutely awful. A flaming narcissist, incredibly sociopathic, and a disgusting excuse for a parent. I feel bad for Paul. Seems he was essentially dragged into it by her. He could have refused to participate to protect the children of course, so he's not blameless ... but still.

[@williedynamyte]

What happens when you open Pandoras box. “After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true.” - Spock Star Trek, season 2, episode 1 (“Amok Time,” 1968)

[@virginiamoss7045]

Mr. Spoke was always my hero so long ago.

[@IAGaldames]

Unless, of course, you do the kolinahr.

[@ahe79]

Sci if or not, that quote holds much wisdom.

[@bree00osd]

it's really cool that they're willing to talk about it so openly now. Honestly, i have to give them some major props for bravery.

[@LaurenRuby]

It seemed like she was bragging.

[@truthseekeralways7050]

Brit Ferguson I Agree Respect to Their Openness 💞👍🏼

[@slowtony2]

Unhappy when they met, unhappy when it fell apart, unhappy today. These couples were so deeply marked by American middle class values that this was doomed from the start. And The Atlantic, which is focused on an American middle class audience, portrays with gusto a failure that will make their typical readers nod their heads in agreement. The Atlantic thinks of itself as place for social journalists. Where was the research into the foundational principles of polyamory? If Amy Grappel and Chris Krager had done their homework, they could not have filmed this "tale of shame". There is zero analysis of why all this went wrong because they WANTED to document a story of a group marriage that went wrong. I suspect they felt their readers would demand that, probably because they ARE their readers.

[@LaurenRuby]

slowtony Amy is the daughter of the couple she is interviewing. In the article, she stated that she wanted to tell her story for a long time and this is how she decided to approach it. And then they featured it in the Atlantic from what I gather. Also, it said that she is working on a memoir so I’m sure that there will be more insight there. I can see what you mean though for sure.

[@lucindabreeding]

The children of the families did the interview. It's not a documentary on polyamory and their intention was clearly not to present themselves as impartial.

[@slowtony2]

@@lucindabreeding Thanks. I do now understand that. But aren't you validating my comment "they WANTED to document a story of a group marriage that went wrong"? This is a video in the channel of The Atlantic magazine. They supposedly have some editorial responsibility. They promote themselves as providing insightful articles on social issues. In this case, they came across a passionate story of an unhappy family told by an equally unhappy young child victim. My perception is that they ran the story without a shred of social insight, much as those tabloid newspapers at the supermarket checkout line publish any article they think will outrage and attract "their audience". I guess my comment is this video shows that the real audience for The Atlantic magazine is not college educated people with open minds and social science interests.

[@SoulSeeker1996]

Bernie seems happy.

[@coryanntopanga]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@deborahday1786]

😂😂😂

[@madmoiselle007]

😂

[@SoulSeeker1996]

@Marlynne Struwig The Berniest of them all, Bernie Sanders.

[@johnoyewale3333]

The myth: We can live in an 'open marriage' and be 'honest' with one another and just get along. The truth: Jealousy is an ancient, primordial emotion, and any 'experimentation' can ignore its existence to the peril of the 'experimenters'. It all comes, it always will come, as we saw close to the end of the video, to a dead end.

[@DreamLoveLaughLive]

John Oyewale I mean the relationships had already hit a dead end. Paul and Deanna were talking about getting a divorce before they met Robert and Eleanor. The open marriage gave their relationships a last leg to stand on for a little while. But they were doomed regardless of the open marriage bit. The truth is that relationships in general (whether open or not) are highly precarious and honestly that’s ok. If we take it as a given that a relationship doesn’t have to last for it to be meaningful, we can derive a lot of pleasure from fleeting moments that have no pressure to last. It teaches you to seize all the experiences you can get

[@EyeLean5280]

5:28 SO typical of shrinks of that time, to initiate risky conversations like that, to ask people to reveal stuff they might prefer not to share. Always playing shrink, whether they were in the office or not, with clients or friends. It's a power trip, really.

[@corysimek]

Not sure it is just “at that time”

[@EyeLean5280]

@@corysimek Ha! Fair point.

[@Germatti13489]

I think there's always going to be men and women just like that. They push the buttons to see if anything gets started.

[@EyeLean5280]

@@Germatti13489 True.

[@samwallaceart288]

That’s something I’m aware of in myself. I’m also so caught up in psychoanalysis, and I think I notice stuff about people that flies under the radar, but there’s something really wrong about trying to be a puppet master with other people’s trust. I’m scared of being manipulative and messing with people’s heads without even trying; when I hear about people pushing buttons to get people to do what they want, I can’t help but be repulsed by such brazen selfishness and disregard for human integrity. This Robert guy sounds like a puppet master type, and that’s not a light accusation.

[@HamishDuh2nd]

I used to know a couple in an open relationship, and they seemed happy and I thought "wow they must be very secure with their emotions, I don't think I'd be able to handle the jealousy." Turns out though, one slight against one of them, and it was the same story as this. In a care-free world, maybe this works, but who is living in a care-free world?

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

James Watson Exactly. Sometimes I wonder whether these kind of couples are simply unhappy with each other and have to look outside of the relationship, but are afraid to split up. I know that truly polyamorous people do exist, but since so many open relationships end in disaster, it’s not the lifestyle for everyone. Also, who the heck is Kevin Clarke? What kind of funny business are you Canadians up to now

[@HamishDuh2nd]

@@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim Heh, Kevin is a very interesting Toronto public figure, who ran for Mayor against Rob Ford 10 years ago.

[@rainec2106]

The truth is one person always gives up more security in the relationship than the other person. Eventually things will blow up.

[@deedeewinfrey3181]

Back then it was just sex...but it's never just about sex. They thought they were cool, but they were just nasty.

[@hayaglamazonluxe]

"I had very long hair. I was sexy" She's so insufferable. Girl bye 👋

[@tralala9873]

Haya Glamazon I think it was the time. That was sexy

[@laela6289]

Haya Glamazon she was sexy and she’s confident. Don’t get mad that she knows she was hot

[@danielleanner2887]

As a woman approaching my 50s, I know how I was in my 20s. There's hardly an ego in that statement - it's a way of explaining because it's hard to see now.

[@madamluis2537]

Haya Glamazon 😂😂

[@hayaglamazonluxe]

@@madamluis2537 Lol the egos of these people...chile.

[@ChaosStar16]

I really don't see how this is a statement on group marriage. Cause it was clear that both couples were at there ends.

[@virginiamoss7045]

@Corona Virus - Especially after having children. Everything, EVERYTHING changes when you have children! Nothing, NOTHING stays the same. If you don't like that then NEVER have children.

[@shellbell2272]

Where are there examples of a group marriage that wasn’t made from two original couples? I feel like this is indicative of this arrangement and they end up the same way more often than not.

[@willw6196]

This guy really likes to say "titillated"..

[@kelseymason4795]

😂 he's a perv...

[@MANNYISTHERE]

She is so bitter

[@_S-O-S_]

Selfish, creepy and weird...

[@beckyg.9087]

This went exactly how I thought it would.

[@beckyg.9087]

That woman is atrocious on the inside.

[@summersalix]

It's obvious the women weren't happy with the situation. The jealousy it produced must have been intense. But for the men, of course they loved the arrangement, lol. It's also obvious that their kids were an afterthought and all they cared about was their own pleasure and happiness

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

Veggie Bee How is it obvious that the kids were an afterthought? You think a 7 year old is being damaged if, unbeknownst to him/her, the father sleeps in a different house?

[@hayaglamazonluxe]

@@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim He literally said that one of their sessions they must have made arrangements and didn't know where the kids were. They were a total afterthought for this selfish couple.

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

Haya Glamazon So you’re saying that a father trying to remember which babysitter or family member he left the kids with one weekend FOUR DECADES ago is a bad parent? Question - what did you have for dinner last February 2nd? How many people were at your Christmas dinner twelve years ago? On what weekday did your best friend get engaged? Was it a Friday? A Tuesday? I’ll be waiting for your answers.

[@nemesis9410]

> terribly wrong It's just divorce bro, chill

[@Hdkd62736hd]

“I had very long hair, I was very attractive, very sexy.” Dude THE NERVE

[@Magentacosmicstar]

What an interesting way of filming it, and merging the videos! Well done!

[@tedmich]

A simpler time: lets have 4-6 kids and then find ourselves through solipsistic experimentation!

[@jodieann21]

I heard,picked up a knife, and I’m like...This is it!!!!

[@mareshalite]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@alwkw3783]

I have yet to see an open marriage that works. I'm not saying it never could but I've known a number of ppl through the years, none have been happy and every one of them has little kids stuck in the middle of the situation having to deal with it.

[@TT-ri3dv]

Don’t know how this got on my timeline but having watched it all I have to say is - Deanna is quite self absorbed, she centres herself in everything and comes across as quite selfish. So does Paul, just with less meanness but extra layer of carelessness. I mean dude was so oblivious to everything but his comfort that he thought everything was going okay & everyone was happy🙄. Without hearing their stories personally, Robert seems like he instigated everything and coerced Eleanor into it. Sounds like she may have gone along to keep her husband happy, because it was what he wanted. Which is why she apparently went ‘nuts’ when he asked for a divorce. I suspect Deanna is projecting and she was the one who was jealous of Eleanor. It would be interesting to know if Robert and Deanna are still together.

[@AboutTha]

It always is a illusion, it is only what each of them tells themselves about it. Living a lie in the end. Kids will be affected in the end since your story is known to them, no matter the age. They were not living their truest selves. Not healthy!!!Collectively, they didn’t like the examples their parents had shown, as in what a married couple is, and were so desperate for ANYTHING different! This is sad.

[@PHlophe]

girl its not that dramatic. my parents were with other people and i was well aware of it at age 7. my parents did a good job explaining to me what was up. i grew up just fine and i a dad myself. y'all need to chill.

[@lizlee6290]

@@PHlophe But the parents didn't explain, they snuck around. Obviously it affected the kids, and not in a good way.

[@lekkki1]

Okay, so Robert initiated the whole thing but was unhappy with the end results. Ellie appointed herself director and made sure everyone was doing what she thought they should be doing. Sounds really strained and awkward from the get-go. Everyone sounds kind of selfish, and I don't sense any level of commitment from the people involved. Commitment to a foursome.

[@Dal1333]

I get grey gardens vibes

[@justatexasgirl5583]

DALÍ G That is exactly what I thought! Haha!

[@sherryviera5696]

The lady's voice!

[@sndrb1336]

This could be a bojack horseman episode.

[@alarcon99]

Wherever You Go, There You Are...

[@daniesza]

This Long Island housewife ....goes to show you never know people.

[@PHlophe]

we been knew! don't worry

[@aveson5149]

This is a brilliant documentary. The story is full of intricacies and will bring thoughts to most people. The storytelling is creative, giving you enough information while leaving questions to ask. Very well done

[@gh1Mikie]

Hey Boomers! We millennials are lazy and irresponsible huh???

[@apriljohnson1067]

Yeah, you guys got a b wrap but these boomers are my parents’ age and they had Gen X and left us in the house alone while they did all of this crap.

[@bethroesch2156]

I'd be interested in hearing the other couples perspective. I'd never do this, I'm jealous, possessive but honest about it lol

[@nouseforaname5378]

I bet those kids were spoiled rotten, Christmas musta been awesome

[@SolaceEasy]

The implication from the title is that it's better to stay married to someone you don't love.

[@HISBestLifeCoach]

Actually, I viewed it as DON'T marry if you DON'T truly love them! That said, the lesson should have been for anyone who is contemplating MARRIAGE should KNOW who they are marrying and that it takes more than love/LUST to make a marriage work for TWO people, let alone for 3 or more.

[@mlwalston1]

Bryce Thompson exactly

[@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim]

Bryce Thompson But, Bryce, are you implying that these two couples married just for kicks? That they weren’t truly in love on their wedding day? Do you really believe that all it takes is love, that people don’t change and grow in different directions after, ten, fifteen, twenty years of marriage? A bit naive...

[@HISBestLifeCoach]

@@PutinsMommyNeverHuggedHim "A bit naive..." As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I would say not the least bit! I would suggest you read my comment with comprehension before replying again.

[@SolaceEasy]

@@HISBestLifeCoach You seem very bound by your beliefs. Inflexible. You don't sound like marriage material to me.

[@richardnunez3474]

The Atlantic always finds great stories that are rare, unique and fascinating. I never pass up or scroll by the Atlantic without a look see. Thank y'all.

[@mytruth3777]

Thank you for making this video, sharing a part of your history, and giving hurt people a place to share here in the comments section too

[@cristinaaristizabal9882]

Can’t stand de dual screen, it distracted me a lot.

[@jenniferh.7219]

I love it! To each his own

[@sadieblankenship6688]

This was very emotionally raw, beautifully done and jus a delight to watch.. Thank you for sharing!

[@matthewsimmons3831]

Content aside, this is just beautifully shot and put together. Bravo to the team!

[@markloren2133]

People do this kind of thing, and then call me queer. Ain't that a kick?

[@Noanns]

Loved the editing

[@Trund27]

This was so well done. Like The Ice Storm.

[@1superstar855]

Very interested to see & hear both sides. Thanks for the Videos 😊

[@MarkCexplorer]

Fascinating! Nice work Amy.

[@abeer3169]

Am I the only who really like the editing?

[@Questinia1]

I liked it as well. I guess it was a way for the child to have her parents "together" in a way.

[@queenofthebutterflies5212]

Oh, this was magic. At the end when I realised that you, Amy, (one of their daughters) produced this - it had a few lil tears in my eyes. I wondered, maybe as a psyc grad myself, was this you trying to work through this for yourself and maybe also for your parents too in a way. They seem like really great people. Also, I just adored the cinematography combined with the beautiful black and white photographs

[@moover123]

they lived their dream for a while. I hope they can appreciate that. personally, I won't have such a chance and even if I would, I might not take it. Also there are so many issues about our laws about relationships nowadays, there are other priorities.

[@virginiamoss7045]

Yes, there are, like all those children.

[@cavelleardiel]

Interesting how he said he liked that he had someone who had more resources to help him feel more seucure. Possibly if each couple had worked on their own individual selves along with their relationships they would not have had to seek each other our. Life is very interesting.

[@eafortson]

Cavelle Ardiel this is what stood out to me as well. It sounds like the couple being interviewed had relationship issues related to his income level. Seems that everyone had selfish motivations in this situation. They deluded themselves into thinking they were experimenting. In reality they were justifying their own selfish interests. Of course Eleanor had the most issues with the situation as it seems she had the least to gain and the most to lose in that situation.

[@cavelleardiel]

@@eafortson Agreed!

[@aaronchristopher71]

Super well done.

[@DavidNunezPNW]

THIS WAS FASCINATING

[@tonybalony1811]

I loooove the way this is edited.

[@moonlightlady4789]

I was a child of parents in this era who decided it would be a good idea to swap partners for the summer. Almost the same scenario, all involved in theatre, music, the arts, protests, anti government, self sustainability, a little wine, a little pot, hug rainbows, save whales etc. There were 3 couples in total, 9 children. The result: 3 broken marriages + 9 broken children = hurt, anger, blame, emotional blackmail, insecurity, abandonment and rejection. Most of the children went onto become well rounded adults who learnt what not to expose their own children to. Sadly a few of the children were broken so badly they grew up and became totally alienated from their entire families while others suffered addiction and death. It was too high a price to pay for 6 peoples random selfish decision to Turn on, Tune in and ultimately Drop out.

[@gracieshepardtothemax1743]

The editing makes this so hard to watch!

[@PHlophe]

its easier if you just listen, actually

[@virginiamoss7045]

@@PHlophe - No it's not. I cannot make out two voices at the same time.

[@samwallaceart288]

The split screen is literally how I experience life normally; it’s strangely personal an experience, a stream of thought type feel. I know this is not normal but the split screen works for me.

[@virginiamoss7045]

@@samwallaceart288 - I find this very interesting. Would you feel free to share more of your experience with us here? Is your split screen sort of an inner life versus your outer life? How is it divided? You may not want to be so personal.

[@samwallaceart288]

Virginia Moss - I don’t literally have double vision or anything (misused “literal” there, sorry), but I do tune out a lot or think about rather complex or emotional things when I should be paying attention. Maladaptive daydreaming, I suppose, though I don’t know if I qualify for that. My point being, the split screen, constant overlap where your attention is divided is a feeling I’m used to and can tolerate better I suppose. Describing it, I’m sure it’s fairly common and I’m just bad at managing it in real life.

[@raiderzilla3882]

so the story of the kids?

[@virginiamoss7045]

That's what I'm more interested in.

[@erinthesystem9608]

Very well-done. I was left wanting to know more, but it was also enough. The "more" is the rest of your lives, I suppose, but I did feel emotionally invested somehow in the well-being of the people in those pictures after a mere twenty minutes of hearing some of their own reflections on that confused time when their marriage was dissolving. The difference in attitudes between Paul and Deanna regarding this situation- whether it could ever work, given the "right" circumstances- certainly seems to qualify as an irreconcilable difference.

[@education4spectrum]

Wow Amy. Amazing work.

[@tjm8128]

Ellie was the beautiful one. I think this woman was deluded in thinking she was the hot one. Poor thing

[@sarahparis8691]

Neither of them were physically attractive. And, Deanna sure isn't beautiful on the inside ..who knows about Ellie?

[@diazrigau]

I'm from that time, not all people did what she claimed she did. Give me a break. It's not "the time", is the brain.

[@diazrigau]

Is he Bernie? He was propably was unfaithfail in Russia.

[@TheAerozot]

Ok. Let me start by saying that indeed the editing is horrible. On paper it might have seemed good - like "Hey let's get both sides of the coin at the same time" but in reality it crashed and burned. Now the story - it's ok i guess. Nothing to write home about. The biggest issue for me with this documentary (i don't know if i should be calling it that) are the characters. I can't empathize with either of them. I can see why she left captain flaccid. But the woman seems to be way worse :D Narcissistic and hateful. Bet she could nag you to death. Anyway. I got nothing positive out of this. All it did for me at the end was the urge to vent in the comments.

[@pattykins886]

Exactly. I was trying to emphatize multiple times, but it was just frustratingly difficult. Also, the title of this video made me think that there was gonna be a murder at the end or smthg. So I stuck around. Turns out "terribly wrong" is just getting double divorced because of clashing personalities. ... as if it wasn't the path both marriages were heading to in the first place.

[@madamluis2537]

Loooool

[@almounasaddiyeh8685]

The woman is full of anger even today. She’s not accepting any responsibility with her children she doesn’t want to remember and she says doesn’t know. I think the manipulative other woman won her over and she’s disgusted by it. Crazy, irresponsible people in my view

[@zahuntah]

"I was a very good woman, now, I'll tell you that, and a good mother--and very loving." - When someone tells their child that they were a good parent, that means that on some level, they know or strongly suspect that they were not. In this case, it sounds like all of the parents were selfishly focused on their romantic and sexual melodrama and weren't paying enough attention to their children's needs beyond the immediate and tangible. Whether she realized that at the time or not, Donna is aware of it on some level now. She can't admit this to her daughter (or to the audience) without first accepting it herself, which would threaten her self-image and cause more emotional discomfort than she's willing to feel. That's why Donna is getting defensive, as if her daughter has accused her of something, when she's really done no more than make a gentle implication.

[@CaitlynAmanda]

Is this NY? (I loved it, by the way & thought the overlapping dual edits were interesting- I definitely understood their artistic purpose)

[@tracy9610]

I got the feeling they’re from Long Island

[@equationat0r263]

who signed off on the dual screen thing? stahp that

[@vsanchez7158]

Those poor kids. Their parents are selfish.