How A Harvard-Trained Etiquette Expert Responds To Five Awkward Scenarios

Have you ever been so shocked by a friend's rude comment that you didn't know how to respond? Have you ever found yourself fishing for the name of a person you've met multiple times? Have you ever been trapped in an awkward conversation at a party and had no idea how to make an exit? Harvard-trained etiquette expert and author, Sara Jane Ho, sat down with CNBC Make It to give her solution to these and other awkward social situations.
Produced by: Zach Green
Managing Producer: Beatriz Bajuelos Castillo
Camera: Raffi Paul
Animator: Gene Kim
Reporter: Aditi Shrikant
Additional Footage: Getty Images
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How A Harvard-Trained Etiquette Expert Responds To Five Awkward Scenarios

[@pkmnan00bis]

*ITT:* How to make awkward social situations worse by not being direct.

[@InspiringOthers242]

Inviting another friend and then canceling on both lol now that's savage!!

[@helo604]

I believe that objectivity and honesty works better. People that cancel last minute drives me crazy!

[@TheMrmoc7]

Yep, I completely agree. if someone invites you to a party that you don't want to go, just say no, eventually they'll get the hint after 3 to 4 no's. If they don't, just keep saying no, but if someone is really trying that hard to get you to hang out with them, maybe you should reconsider and live a little. Just my 2 cents. Life is too short, and we all eventually die anyway.

[@Daily-Affirmations333]

All this advice can be summed up to : never be honest and always shift the topic/narrative because god forbid you’re honest and genuine with people 😮

[@blaquemoonmajesty33]

Don’t you know we’re a small numbered breed. It’s all tactical and manipulative games out here.

[@felixvelo]

If you don't remember someone's name just be honest people already know the tricks when someone has forgotten their name, come on.

[@Idomycar]

Always saying it, just remind me your name, I am hard to remember new people's names, especially if it some unique

[@livex38]

Exactly

[@vanessaandreatta9098]

In my culture saying are you ok? Would immediately start an argument and will make thw other person feel fooleed...

[@biscaynesupercars]

Yes. They make things overly complicated

[@hannah60000]

@@vanessaandreatta9098It depends on “tone”.

[@rdaniel4810]

When I don't want to go out with a coworker, I simply tell them NO. It works remarkable well and takes no time at all.

[@user-zq4fv8sj6v]

“Advice” like this is precisely why Harvard is no longer prestigious. Being evasive and defensive does NOT instill respect and confidence!

[@DrZbo]

Does anyone want to work with someone like this? Why not just be honest and explain yourself

[@carsongossler7350]

This comment section is actually restoring my faith in humanity lol

[@steveninfrance808]

hahaha

[@eyeswideopen7777]

Lying isn't a good thing

[@TheMrmoc7]

Yep. I would think a "Harvard trained" etiquette expert would understand that. Once you break trust you can't have it back. Humans are not built that way. The only person I lie to is someone who has me at gunpoint.

[@eyeswideopen7777]

@@TheMrmoc7 as long you could save yourself from a psycho

[@callmeosho7792]

“Who hurt you”

[@armenstaubach9276]

All these advices are wrong one after the other. Just be honest, polite and straight to people. Do not set up lunch and cancel or do not lie that you have lost your contacts etc. Remember, most of the time people are aware of a lie! Everything is wrong with Harvard nowadays….

[@the_notorious_bas]

So true, we almost never say stuff like that over here in Europe.

[@user-oi5rb3lj3r]

For a narcissist just ignore or tell them to stop being a bish... Are you okay with a laugh might work for me lol

[@schumanndrake9166]

"Are you okay?" I can't imagine saying this to anyone. If someone is rude to me, asking if they are "okay" in return seems passive aggressive. Respond to them by reflecting content and emotion; mirroring and, if appropriate, asking a question back can defuse a situation, and sometimes they didn't even mean it like we may have originally interpreted their statement.

[@TheMrmoc7]

I think that's the point. It's a polite way to push back without stooping to their level. It's basically saying: "Hey, you can't speak to me like that, and if you're doing so you must be messed up, how can I help you out of your miserable existence"? I see nothing wrong with it.

[@schumanndrake9166]

​@@TheMrmoc7totally agree with you! And the best part is we each get to choose what we're comfortable with saying--and not saying. But now I am curious. . . are you okay? 😉

[@user-zq4fv8sj6v]

You can see how well responses like this worked for Claudine.. 😂😂😂😂😂

[@Dingle1234]

I agree. It sounds as though you're calling them nuts, or unhinged, before you've tried to sincerely diffuse the situation which like it or not, requires a little listening.

[@TheMrmoc7]

@@Dingle1234 I am not their therapist, it's not my job to fix their emotions, especially after they've been rude. I think above all else, one must have respect for self and not tolerate rudeness. This has to be established immediately in the next response without delay, how we tactically go about it can differ and obviously, asking "are you ok"? is several levels below a thermonuclear response, which I can live with especially if the "rude" person was a "friend."

[@ipsilonia]

is this a parody? all of this advice is really bad and disingenuous. if a friend/stranger is rude or weird to me, i just simply ask “what do you mean by that?” so they have to break down their motive out loud to themselves.

[@derrickmickle5491]

Not great advice. Be direct, be honest, be concise and be compassionate. "No." is a complete sentence.

[@Blackandblue200]

Most of these advises are absolutely awful. Backing out a lunch with co-worker at the last moment would affect working relationship. “Aditi” would mad at me for using her. Thus person needs to improve her social skills

[@arohacallie]

I think SHE might be the rude friend. 😔

[@0ozmichka0]

Etiquette?! These tips must be there gold standard for toxic anti social passive aggression ugh

[@beachandbluesky1]

Yikes. Lots of bad advice here. Dishonest and manipulative.

[@CA2SD]

Passive aggressive responses never fixes anything.

[@livex38]

I think that it’s alright to admit you forgot their name. Don’t have to go through all that trouble to ask for their name and seem manipulative

[@ajcab819]

1:23 if you do this, Aditi will no longer be friends with you 😂

[@dneiper2630]

😂 😂 😂

[@AbsolutelyNot86]

“Neither a borrower or lender be” is such good advice! I strongly urge people to adhere to it. If it’s something you really want to do, as she said, only lend what you’re willing to lose. In a situation where the friend won’t pay you back, they are no longer your friend so cut all contact and let others in your circle know not to fall victim to them. Lastly, if it was a $100 you lost, that was a $100 lesson you learned well. You won’t make that same mistake again. You’ve gotten rid of a bad friend or toxic family member who could have e cost you much more down the line financially or emotionally. Good riddance. The lesson you learned was “Neither a borrower nor lender be” 😊

[@jarradpuckridge8210]

Aditi will remember that...

[@user-xo7hb6ts7j]

So basically, any time you need to co front anything or anyone, you should lie and/or throw other(s) under the bus.

[@tjones6189]

Exactly. She advising to never be honest about how you truly feel- it's easy to say No, I'm busy can't make it this time. Passive aggression is not the answer.

[@user-eu2me4bp7j]

This woman is ridiculous

[@millennial9252]

Yeah why would anyone take advice from Harvard anymore

[@Fong_Side_of_Life]

Some of these are bad advice.

[@saintstyle]

Always tell the truth, we all can sense the bs

[@mikek545]

How to be socially passive aggressive and have ZERO confidence. 😂

[@maysville3815]

Never let on you can't remember their name. LIE and say your contacts were deleted. Harved trained. How about just saying, "I'm terribly bad with names?" Truth, a novel concept for the Harvard trained.

[@snapman218]

Not accepted because of merit, but because of government mandates. What did you expect?

[@snapman218]

Ivy League is the same as government boot lickers. Nothing special, other than the lack of a soul.

[@nicolebond3992]

All of this sounds like manipulation to me. Best to be tactful and straightforward.

[@zw8984]

Organise lunch and then back out? Really! Just be honest, it might sting for a couple of minutes, but people prefer knowing were they stand! Also if you can, make it about you! Not about the other.

[@Truevitz]

Horrible responses

[@csmiley82]

This is the most British thing I ever ever seen 😂

[@revanthkrishna5791]

I have a rude colleague, the other day I gave a presentation he just called out it is very bad and did not serve the purpose. How do I deal with him? It's not the first time?

[@voodoodrug]

If I don’t like someone , one tactic I’ve used is make it $ and time consuming to hang with me…. Yes it’s waisting my time & $ but they will avoid it next time😂

[@MahmudYuldashev]

Too many assumptions on these technics. Like I have always someone beside me to use as the card.

[@fincat707]

is the presenter okay? seems like all bad advice

[@user-mw4nm2di7p]

Many wealthy individuals maintain their wealth by adopting frugal spending habits similar to those of the less affluent. They also prioritize continuous investment, whereas some poorer individuals tend to spend extravagantly without focusing on long-term investments, often attempting to impress those who are already wealthy.

[@Macdonald12]

You're absolutely right! Many people tend to lean towards spending money on things that don't generate income, like liabilities, rather than investing in assets that can bring in profits. It's important to understand the long-term benefits of investing in assets and making wise financial decisions.

[@AngelaWalters-ep7be]

very true, a huge part of my portfolio growth has come during this bear market. I've been able to scale from $180K to $572K in a short period of time.

[@AngelaWalters-ep7be]

you probably should make your research properly before venturing into it or reach out to an advis0r who understands the market

[@AngelaWalters-ep7be]

My adviser is Everett Gary Oliver She was recommended by my colleague. She has years of financial market experience and She is also FINRA & SEC verifiable.

[@garryguan7115]

Depends what you mean by wealthy. This is more a habit of rich people than wealthy, where wealthy is defined by being rich over multiple generations. The way wealthy people stay wealthy is through power and control. Rigging elections, lobbying, building monopolies, etc. It's a perfect setting for psychopaths and narcissists.

[@hannah60000]

Is this the American version of RP? 😅Interesting.

[@TheBlackManMythLegend]

The thing is I am smart so I will read all of that straight up but I won't be offended but I will be like Well they are a coward to not say thing directly to me. Yeah they are classy but . Meh.. not direct so they can be used to do classy things but not to go to war with. Unless I know that they are actually courageous people ( I have receipt ) . Then it's okay. Its just the "I act in a way that means I am smarter than you" assuming that is not very cool. lol. Especially when it's not the case. You can have no Harvard on your resume and be socially smart enough to pick on a lot of things.

[@dalbianco]

Toxic

[@leporellothegoldfinch]

All the Americans in the comments losing it over what is pretty much standard practice in Europe...

[@EDH784]

Do you have to take on that pompous British royal accent?

[@sidn515]

Very smooth, I like this better than the usual tactless American way that passes for honesty

[@galaxy1234]

Who else thinks youtube recommendations are all garbage nowadays? Or is it just me?

[@SnakeDoc455]

This video was awkward...

[@Audreylin29]

I don’t like this advice! Don’t think id follow it

[@narieee2543]

Looks like her advice is not well received 🤔 maybe for a reason?

[@ceciliaw1065]

she has crazy disturbing eyes, very fake vibe

[@catarinak2543]

These tips are not helpful or realistic.

[@holycrudscones123]

This is terrible advice. Can we focus on experts who actually give good advice and not the school behind their name?

[@h2_]

Alright, this channels content has reached a new low water mark. I'm gonna unsub here instead of watch it continue to get even worse, good luck.

[@chrisjohnston7403]

Do you think it is rude to plagiarize other people's work and pass it off as your own? Asking as the etiquette person was trained at Harvard.

[@waleeed_]

Horrible advice lol

[@luisibrambila]

This definitely has to be click bait and controversial just for the algorithm, right?

[@dr_flunks]

i just say racist things. it blows everyone's mind and is kindof hilarious to watch them.

[@HostileTakeover555]

How do you politely tell someone - no, I will not use your ridiculous made up pronouns

[@TheMediacoach]

“Oh my goodness! No thank you” in your kindest voice. This condition is to be pitied, not with hostility. Pray for healing.

[@the_notorious_bas]

Typical female response, haha

[@JasonLee-df4vc]

Definitely need subtitles.

[@RhymesWithSpark]

It's @thejoelwood 2:35