How binge eating ruined my life | My eating disorder story

[@valeriehannan]

What a hard video to share, I have BED and I’ve only said it out loud to 1 very close friend. I’ve not got a magic cure sadly (if there was one we’d all be fine right), but since last year I figured out that it’s a lot less about willpower and control than I thought. Through trecking through a tonne of medical articles and videos I came to realise that my body reacts badly to ANY sugar or carbs and the spikes are what’s causing me to binge, we know it’s not hunger driven so I felt there had to be something else. I decided to try low carb (but not ridiculously low, and definitely enough foods and fats and protein to fill me up), twice a day and nothing else except tea, coffee, water and diet drinks. The night before I started I was actually crying with anxiety and the first 3/4 days were difficult but not as difficult as I thought. After a few weeks it was actually way way easier than trying to restrict myself to little low cal/carb snacks, which always made me want another and another. I’m not ‘cured’ because at Christmas I ate ‘normally’ and binged and then New Year, birthdays, dinner out with friends etc. I’m figuring out that a high carb/cal meal or snack takes about 2 days to get out of my system, which leaves me desperate to binge, and of course if I do, it’s 2/3 days from that day etc I hope that made sense. I’ve just had 2 ‘bad’ days (dinner and a night out on Saturday, led to binging yesterday), so todays day 1 again. I’m just telling you because I NEVER thought eating less, or rather nothing between meals would be easier but it is. Thanks again for sharing, I think you’re super brave. Val X

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you for sharing Valerie, it's always good to tell someone. I personally think that restrictions lead to bingeing so I try to eat everything but in moderation, thats when i feel the best. I know if I would cut carbs I would binge even if i smelled bread haha I think it's mostly mental, it's my first response to deal with stress. i am reading great book now called Food: The Good Girl's Drug: How to Stop Using Food to Control Your Feelings - someone recommended it to me on insta and its soo good so far. Maybe have a look. thank you a lot Val and good luck :)

[@brithomas.]

Food here being both unhealthy AND accessible is 100% by design, and it’s MADDENING. I really could go on, but I digress-you are always so open & vulnerable, girl. Wish I could give you a big hug rn ❤️ this is gonna help so many who need it

[@DariaKropop]

Oh yeah and healthy food is always more expensive.... thank you so much Bri❤️

[@haneefogs]

Apart from gaining weight, what I hate about BEd is that it makes me super lazy and can't think properly. and it really ruined all my life goals, and make me lose motivation to live. Every time I meet my family I feel very embarrassed because I feel like I'm a burden to them, years of struggle always end in relapse, hope this year my problems can be over because next year I have to fight to get into Uni

[@DariaKropop]

I don’t think I have the same experience with laziness but everyone is different.have you tried therapy ?

[@janaue]

You are so unbelievable brave for sharing something so sensitive for you. I am struggling as well with binge eating and hating myself afterwards but watching your video helped me feel less like a loser and more like a human being with problem that I can actually work on. Thank you!!!

[@DariaKropop]

You are not alone 🤍 there are so many of us struggling, it’s such a hard battle but I’m sure we can win!!

[@simplymegan4891]

I wanted to reach through the screen and give you a hug. I feel the same way. I get so mad at myself and I hate feeling so out of control.

[@DariaKropop]

Aww thank you 🥰 I hate the feeling

[@holly3503]

Thank you for sharing your struggles and your pain. I’ve been there, and can completely relate. Being brave and open is crucial and you’re doing a great job. Keep doing what you’re doing and focus on your value as a human being. My overeating was at its worst when I didn’t realize my own value, and I had to work on that little by little over the years. Now I eat very normally and mindfully but I’m also almost 50. Being young is hard, being a woman is hard, living in an image obsessed culture is hard and cutting back on sweet and fries is hard. But you’re a warrior woman and you’ve got this!

[@DariaKropop]

Your comment made me tear up ! Thank you so much. I feel like there is hope for me

[@holly3503]

@@DariaKropop Aw. I totally hear you. I was in that vicious cycle too. But every time we think a positive thought about ourselves, and smash shame to pieces by exposing it, we break that cycle a little bit. You’re such an inspiration to me. I was terrified of doing what I really wanna do which is move from the US to Scotland, and after I watched your video your words became really important to me. And your comment “just sell your furniture and do it” has become like a mantra to me as I’m selling my furniture and doing it right now. You help people. You put content out there that is sincere and based on real experience, which is hard to find on KZbin. You are an amazing woman.

[@DariaKropop]

@@holly3503 You have no idea how much this comment means to me ! I will remember it forever. I am so excited for you to move to Scotland! Its such a beautiful country! We should grab a coffee when you arrive. let me know if you have any Scotland related questions :)

[@magdalenagrabinska5928]

This Video is so precious! You’ve done a great job sharing It with us! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Love you loads❤️❤️❤️

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you so much ❤️ it means a lot to hear it from someone I actually know in a real life. This was so hard to share as I am super scared of judgement

[@LeaNezz]

so amazing that you were able to share all of this and im sure it will help people with similar eating issues. rooting for you daria!! 🤍

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you so much Lea🥰 I genuinely hope it will help people to feel less alone

[@Joylitta]

Thank you for sharing ❤️ you’re doing amazing! 💪🏼

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you❤️

[@mlxlmewq7733]

Omg thank you for speaking so honestly about your experience. It is so real I really appreciate people like you ❤

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you , that means a lot

[@lucila5466]

❣️❣️❣️im with you. I think it also comes from a perfectionistic mindset and low tolerance to frustration when you 'misstep'. Hugs & stay strong 💕

[@DariaKropop]

100%! Also chasing dopamine

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

Wow! Daria, thank you for your courage to share your eating disorder story. I can relate to a lot of what you said. You are not alone. Most of my life, I have battled both eating compulsively and bulimia. Even though my parents did the best they could, I grew up in a toxic dysfunctional household. Food was the only coping mechanism I knew at the time. It has taken years of support groups, therapy, learning about nutrition, exercise, praying, meditation, etc. to get where I am today. The biggest lesson I have learned and am learning is how to love myself. For years, I tolerated toxic relationships because I thought it was the love I deserved. Over the last couple of years, I have ended toxic relationships. I am still on the journey to be the best version of me. Again you are not alone. I am glad that I found your channel. You are amazing and wonderful. 😊

[@DariaKropop]

I hope you are better now 🤍 It’s so friggin hard, we need to learn how to deal with emotions in other way than eating and it’s difficult after doing it like that for years I have been in therapy for years and I’m slightly getting better but it’s not like a magic wand that you can just use and boom you are healed. I’m proud of you for getting out of toxic relationship , it’s a big win!!! Thank you for such kind words 🤍

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

@@DariaKropop Hi Daria. Thank you for responding. I’m better now. I rarely binge. When I do, I write to figure out the why. You are right. There is no instant cure. It’s a process. Therapy helps. Taking walks in nature is good. Talking to friends. There are options better than eating sugary snacks. We are on a good path. A path that leads to hope and a great future. I hope you are having a great day. 😊🦋🕊️🌈

[@rosangie7041]

Everytime I watch your videos I keep thinking how much I relate to you and this video is no different. My bulimia started after one week of restricting (1 diet coke a day plus water till I almost passed out). That week pretty much defined the following 10 years of my life unfortunately. I also moved countries and started living by myself and that was no good. Scotland, unfortunately, is not a country that promotes healthy eating habits. Supermarkets are full of crap in plastic usually cheaper than fruit and veggies. Gregs, KFCs, Mcdonalds etc are everywhere and then you have Holland and Barret and Real Foods which are a joke for an average wallet. Crappy weather doesn't motivate you to go to workout unless you have a gym nearby. On the plus side, i always lived very close to gyms so I had no excuse in that sense. Keep strong, stay motivated and although I can't promise those thoughts will disappear, hope that they don't cause an obstacle for you to lead a normal life and enjoy it.

[@DariaKropop]

Oh that's terrible, I hope you are doing better now. I think eating disorders are so hard, harder tahn any addictions because you can't just quit you have to be around food constantly just make better choices. that is exhausting. Yeah you are right , healthy food tends to be more expensive but i think unfortunately that's everywhere now. I have this mantra about living in Scotland - If you are gonna wait for good weather to do something you will never do anything. Thank you for kind words🥰

[@o0JacobFD0o]

Thanks for sharing and being so open about so much of this, I have always had a really complicated and vulnerable relationship with my weight and food and self image, it can really break your brain, and still working on it honestly, I have come really far on that journey and in the process of befriending and taming the monster, being vulnerable enough to share this with friends is honestly no joke a bit inspiring, proud of you! Hope to have some good meadows days with you and everyone this summer

[@DariaKropop]

Food is such a powerful thing, I think it's more complicated than alcohol and drug addiction because you can't just cut it you need to live with it and make better choices. It's mad. Thank you a lot Jacob, I really appreciate it and literally can't wait for meadow days❤️

[@phyliciajoykloes]

Daria, you matter! Thank you so much for talking about this. Opening up about difficult topics helps to give it a place; in addition, I believe you sharing this helps many people to know that binge eating exists. You touched on many different aspects. Labeling food with "good" or "bad" is ridiculous. Food is not good or bad. Some food is like soul food and could be less nutritionally dense; however, that food doesn't need a label, let alone to be judged by others. I believe the entire dieting culture is a capitalistic market scheme where companies shame people into purchasing their plan or product... These companies don't see people for who they are; yet they simple want them to become more thin. Media has made people believe that thin is "healthy" and when your body is simply build up differently, that that is then "unhealthy". Fatfobia and fatshaming is something that people and the media have to talk about more. It is sickening to me to learn how the image of beauty has been shaped by the media. How someone looks says NOTHING about how healthy someone is. The media can grow its diversity by showing many different humans since all humans differ. Growing older also affects how the body processes food, and I notice a lack in a lot of content about this. In addition, food in general affects the body. How often I felt bad about myself for having a puffy stomach after eating delicious food is shameful. I truly believe the lack of inclusive food and body images can be more harmful than many people realize. I think I also can be an emotional eater. People who choose to judge and tell you how to "fix" things often lack empathetic skills to truly understand the core of it all. (Even though you did touch on this in this video). There's so much more media can do to represent people rather than to shame a group of people who don't "fit" the "norm". This "norm" varies from person to person. Generalization can be harmful. Images the media creates can be harmful. I am glad to learn some companies are making changes, but we're not at the finish line yet.

[@DariaKropop]

You are so right! I hate when people say that they are eating shit or crap - this is food you are eating not crap, or the fact that people have been brainwashed to think carbs are bad... Thank you for watching :)

[@phyliciajoykloes]

@@DariaKropop Exactly! You are very welcome. 😊

[@LeaNezz]

also so rude of your friends mom to make that comment...

[@DariaKropop]

I know right?! I also love the comments of the old ladies that say they were so skinny when they were my age lol

[@joannakowalczyk1380]

I love you the way you are !! You are the most important human being to me ❤

[@DariaKropop]

awwwwww❤️ you too, BBF forever

[@christinakriventsi4949]

I am sure you are strong enough to get over it ❤️❤️ Keep trying 😁👍

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you so much Christina ❤️❤️

[@tojunior9423]

I've been there. I had those times that i would eat so much that i couldn't be on foot or even laid down. I would get full for 2 days after a meal but I would eat no matter what! Nowadays i am much and much better but I still struggle with the guilt issue even if I don't eat that much. getting better takes times keep on trying!

[@DariaKropop]

I’m happy that you are getting better :) Yeah the guilt is so bad,I wake up in the middle of night after a binge and I’m crying

[@KaJako]

Good luck Daria! You can do it!:)

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you😍

[@jesslicat]

Proud of you ❤️

[@DariaKropop]

Thank you my accountability partner🥰

[@AbianahAlmeida]

I stopped binge eating two years ago but I didn’t lose any weight. But I’m still way happier not binge eating every week and I’m happy with my body and I feel absolutely beautiful even though I’m the biggest I have ever been. I thank god every day that he got rid of my binge eating disorder because for me it wasn’t about the weight it’s about the out of control nature and the unknown thinking I would become unhealthy and immobile due to my ED.

[@DariaKropop]

i think getting out of binge eating doesn't really mean loosing weight because in most cases trying to lose weight got you to that place. i'm happy you are now healthy. What did you do that helped?

[@joeygirl_]

I can 1000% relate. So unbelievably discouraging.

[@DariaKropop]

I know right

[@Horsefaire]

I’m all in, totally feel your pain. Life long binge eater here

[@DariaKropop]

I'm sorry you have to struggle with this as well

[@monopolybillionaire5027]

I was skinny until I learnt just eat delivered. Now I can't stop, I won't go shopping I'll just have food delivered. I know this is a problem, but I'm definitely addicted

[@DariaKropop]

Haha you have to much money 😝

[@liam.7149]

I totally get the trash can reference 😅. Have you tried intermittent fasting? It's been a revelation to me. I'm still at the beginning of my journey but it's giving me hope that I can have more control over my body. Whatever you decide to do, I'll cheer you on ❤

[@DariaKropop]

Intermittent fasting is not that good for women because of hormones but also it’s horrible for ED because of restriction

[@sunflaree5092]

watching this video after severe binge. I want to stop

[@DariaKropop]

you and me both :)

[@morgenfangichan]

❤

[@DariaKropop]

🥰

[@hasos5577]

Inspirational Words❤

[@DariaKropop]

thank you

[@maryamsaghafi5993]

I totally understand 😰

[@DariaKropop]

daily battle :/

[@Lotte.Macchiato]

For what it's worth, you're really not that overweight, because when I clicked this video and saw you talking, I thought you were going to talk about your past with BED (binge eating disorder) and your recovery. Because you're not obese and you don't seem to be very far from being a healthy weight. Nowadays most people are overweight or obese. I don't think you're that overweight. Don't know if this is any comfort, but it's just my thoughts.

[@DariaKropop]

I am obese, this video is quite old I have gained weight since but also I was obese back then. I’m uk size 20 which is US 16. My BMI would say I am obese :/ but I am quite active so that helps

[@annalee4894]

I cringed at the beginning segment because it reminded me of Amberlynn Reid who did something similar on tiktok and I find her disingenuously manipulative into making everyone feel sorry for her (she does it all the time). However, it is a REAL thing we do (bingeing), it just seems so fake when we try to portray it for some reason (probably because we do it in secrecy). Also, just want to make a correction that 120lbs is 54kg. In East/South East Asia, that weight is seen as actually "fat" (there are many videos on yt about this). I was always envious that white people could weigh so much more than me and have the same bodytype because Asian people generally store more fat the more we weigh which makes us look significantly fatter. I remember when I was 14 and weighed 45kg/100lbs which was mortifying to me as I had gained 10kg that year (didn't realize back then that I had an ED) and during gym class when they were weighing us, a girl who was the same height and had a similar bodytype as mine weighed 65kg/143lbs and that shocked me because my dad had told me I weighed too much. Meanwhile, this girl did not think it was such a big deal. I envy people who are okay with their body and weight. I'm not overweight but I have the negative traits of an overweight/obese person such as being lazy and constantly craving and snacking on junk food throughout the day. And I hate exercising. Your video also confirmed my suspicions that my ED is ruining my life too as I think about food almost all the time. I even dream about it too... I think my eating disorder is different than many in that I don't eat based on emotion but boredom and just wanting to snack on junk food because I crave it so much, it's embarrassing. I don't eat it fast, and I mean it when I say I am doing this almost all day every day. I wish I could stop. It's actually ruining me...

[@DariaKropop]

Oh yeah I saw pictures of plus size shops in Asia called “I love calories “, can’t imagine that kinda pressure. Not all fat people are lazy and hate exercising, I for example go to gym multiple times a week and love it.

[@kevinmcdonogh7750]

Hi from South Africa. I think you are beautiful.

[@DariaKropop]

🤪 thanks

[@ang3lgutz_]

i have ana-b/p and binging is such a difficult thing to go through and talk about. the feeling of not being able to stop, and my “all or nothing” mindset is so awful but so confusing to explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. im sorry beautiful, i hope things can get better 🫂💗

[@DariaKropop]

it's horrible right? ive read all the books, been in therapy for years and I don't think I will ever be 100% binge free