How Borderlines Abuse Themselves (DBT)

[@heidiperez1387]

Frightening accurate!😢 Living with myself is a full time job.

[@Siddha123-b6c]

How do you know the borderline so well ? For example, "apparent competence." It is what I project all the time while really, I am falling apart emotionally inside.. overwhelmed. Your intelligence, perception and insight into these disorders is almost psychic.

[@samvaknin]

It's Marsha Linehan's work, not mine.

[@Siddha123-b6c]

@@samvaknin :) Your work is equally good ( I have watched all of your videos and read your book.)

[@sentaedesa1092]

​@samvaknin Yes, but when you speak about Linehan's work it is clear that you understand it yourself and it becomes alive through you.

[@gailscrypto1536]

This made me cry....this is me, i lost a partner 10 years ago and still grieve, i have abused drugs and alcohol to numb pain which just made me hate myself more, had various relationships all ending with domestic violence against me, been assaulted, accidents, constant illness....now i have become introverted and rarely leave the house. my mother was narcissistic and manic and i was rejected all through childhood by peers. i cut people off when they induce high emotions or push them away by reckless bad behaviour through drinking. I dont think people realise how deep in borderline i am.....

[@johnpaulsawan1990]

I'm a male ad it happened to me too. Few believe.

[@Christophercolumbo1970]

Im crying for you and our stories are so similar

[@RequiemSomnium]

I have never heard anyone described BPD with such compassion. It's always how Wicked and sadistic and self-centered BPD patients are. Thank you for bringing it down to a real level where people can understand.

[@anemptyspace]

​@@faddy24really? In some videos and even replies to other people in his comments he sure seems to be covertly hateful towards BPD patients, especially women and seems to single them out, not in the least understanding (in the compassionate sense, because I am sure he understands it very well cognitively).

[@anemptyspace]

@@faddy24 a backhanded compliment at best, and that's only partly what I'm referring to. I've seen him singling out commenters (specifically women) under his videos, who in their comments admitted they had BPD and he made snide and smug replies only under those comments, not 'correcting' others who had written the exact same thing. If it was a single occurrence it would be understandable, since he probably doesn't see and reply to every single one, but it happening systematically proves my point. Anyways, have a great day and luck in all your endeavors 🙏

[@LeahDyson-kq4bd]

​@@anemptyspaceyou're right compassionate would be Tim Fletcher

[@musiquefrique]

An ocean of grief…. Oh that hits hard

[@sharnwilson6468]

Lost my mother at 4 and my father at 6 and my daughters father at 22 to suicide. I feel this in my soul. Pro longed grief makes so much sense.

[@meganharrington9755]

You lost all 3 of them to suicide? My goodness! I’m so sorry 😢

[@ghadasaid9857]

You are describing my existence.... and it hurts.

[@imchef17]

Same. I thought I was doing quite well in life ... but I'm not.

[@eiffeltower1266]

My mother was/is borderline... wow! my father always said she'll bury us all.... my father and my brother Bipolar disorder. R.I.P. . CPTSD misdiagnosed treated for depression and when he went psychotic... I can't tell you whose hands he landed in, psych meds and institutionalized on and off for years. It was all childhood trauma and lack of familial or friendly support. Nobody... I can say the same. I can testify. Thank you Sam for putting words on all this with all your intelligence. Here's looking at you Sam!🙂

[@debbiee.6333]

The painful realization of who I am. Better late than never.

[@chriskovach1302]

Been having this "realization" for 5+ years now, so I feel you.

[@mountainwoodcamp1638]

Sam Vaknin, I'm so grateful to witness your critically clear, yet compassionate perspective of the person who struggles with BPD. I'm not alone in my gratitude for the way you bridge the gap of our isolation. Your content is an oasis for me in my troubled times. Thank you for your service to humanity.

[@elizabethpina7905]

Everytime I watch your videos Profesor Vaknin, I get to know myself better, you describe me better than I know myself.

[@tiffanylynn8376]

I can’t believe you’re teaching us for free!! 😮😮❤❤❤

[@Riostunning]

Just another great video of yours, I don't think I have ever seen anybody describing BPD like that, understanding it that clearly, Thank you for your effort.

[@LouiseO78]

This has helped me understand my diagnosed borderline ex and have more compassion for him. Thank you Sam.

[@stephenanthony5923]

God bless you, Sam Vaknin. You are saving lives with this information. I attest to that from the heart.

[@zala_morning]

Hello Sam, huge fan of your content. I never heard more accurate description of what is going on inside my head and within my interactions with external world. When I tried therapy, they all diagnosed me ADHD on the first session since borderlines are presumably not capable of recognizing and / or admitting to being a borderline. Is that true? There is also a vast shortage of professional therapists in my country, so I stopped trying. I am talking to a chair now. Chairs are good listeners. Your videos on healing an internal dialog are my "go to" videos when I'm desperate for some peace of mind. They should be prescribed to everyone. Thank you for everything you are doing, for helping people understand themselves and others. I wish I had a friend like you to talk and argue about shit. You truly are a gem.

[@digitaldisorder5673]

You must have had very bad therapists. Borderlines are usually extremely self-aware and that tend to add pressure to their internal world. We are perfectly capable of admitting being a borderline. Clearly, they don't have a clue on BPD if that's what they told you.

[@peterbalac1915]

I read your comments I myself have been involved with someone with bpd, if only like you she would have addressed her problems things might have worked out but she never will . Kudos to you for addressing your illness , that in itself is a massive step in the right direction I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve ❤

[@captain8362]

Dear Sam, I would like to thank you. I am suffering after a breakup with BPD girlfrend. Who I was in love with. But now I realise that was an impossible realationship from the beginning. Your videos are helping me to heal myself. God bless you..💙👏

[@thisisme2683]

Hello sam thank you I have learnt so much from you ❤️ I been watching your videos now for 4 years I managed to escape from a narcissistic x I'm self healing no help just educating myself on personality disorders and Co dependency as this what I was I watched a interview of yours with a lady and topic was how to recognise your own inner voice and how to remove other people's I've manged to do this I've took back control of my life I've gone no contact with the x 3 weeks ago I not step out my house only to doctors appointments I was told over and over daily that it was best if I stay in because of my anxiety since going no contact and listening to my own inner voice I've took over the school run I do my own shopping it feels great I have no anxiety 😊 it was there anxiety I'm dyslexic Hope you can understand my point 😊

[@ariela5722]

These videos help so much, more than you know. thank you ❤

[@carolinemorrissey4602]

Thanks sam. You really are a light worker in your own right.....

[@Christophercolumbo1970]

For now thank you and when I stop crying I will comment more.

[@charlesbauer6075]

Thanks for helping me understand the person I care for. It helps me understand that it's not my fault how she feels and she behaves.

[@pandorafixv2.0jane78]

Funny i was thinking about how many times i put myself at risk .....all the things i did to throw myself away...i went to a clinic that specializes in bpd and it truly helped. I am also a recovering addict big surprise right all the drug counciling ive received helped me as well...its all abojt recognizing thoughts and behavior. Admitting you can and want chanfe because theres hope you dont have to feel bad anymore..the dbt works. Just gotta keep doing it to rewire the brain

[@Mima4Him2]

Professor Vaknin… Thank You for the understanding. and insight.

[@MargaretMccafferty-j4s]

Happy , joyful topic as usual Dr Vaknin. Down the dark demon hole we go,no cute rabbits here to follow.

[@helodea]

Professor Vaknin, you have mentioned how the Borderline-Secondary Psychopath is able to be isolated for extended periods of time without being on a relationship nor casual sex intimacy due their dissonant relationship with external objects. Something that the Self-State or Main Borderline type is completely incapable to do because of the constant validation necessity that comes from their identity conflict. That being said I have a great curiosity on how the Borderline-Secondary Psychopath behaves or differentiates from the Self-State or Main Borderline in the Idealization phase. Known to be as the first few weeks or months of romantic courtship. The reason I'm asking is that according to your brilliant description of the Borderline Secondary Psychopath, this individual seems to have some avoidant personality characteristics that makes me think that his/her approach to the Idealization phase could be significantly different as well. Very much looking forward to your insight on this subject. Thanks!!

[@samvaknin]

The secondary psychopathic self-state is transient.

[@CG-lj3zi]

I am friends with a woman who fits this description. I don't want to abandon her but sometimes being around her chaos feels exhausting and impenetrable. How can I support her without losing myself?

[@peterbalac1915]

You cant, she will break you get out it's the best thing I ever did for my own sanity.

[@YAHheistheWEH777]

Please do not try to help a borderline, they will drain you until you are a shell then cry because no one helps. Get out while you can.

[@jeannfav2921]

0 to 💯 sometimes. What of the person who is sensible in decisions made, emotions, and self-preservation most often, however can get derailed now and again. There's a spectrum?

[@charlest7184]

Would that make border lines almost kind of like a masochist?

[@samvaknin]

No.

[@justjamie7577]

Is "fake it till you make it" good or valid therapeutic advice in your opinion. I was told to do this. After several years of doing this I exclaimed I'm always faking it. My therapist didn't seem to understand what my problem was. She was a CBT therapist and believed that if I followed the program I would get better. She actually said CBT works for everyone.

[@samvaknin]

Horrible advice.

[@aimans5851]

Wow. This was heavy. Thank you for sharing your insights.

[@cdub1991]

Very insightful. Sam, what would you say I should do about a boss who uses active passivity? I am quickly becoming drained by dealing with her problems.

[@erdyerdnusss]

What do you think about the approach of complete passivity or self isolation in borderline. Im a male diagnosed among other things with bpd and even though i have a very strong internalized bad object it is also externalized, i definitely have little drive to achieve anything for my own sake however i have stopped asking for help and go along the characteristic attempts to prevent abandonment by not only abandoning myself but especially the ideal of the functioning member of society, in fact this is why i agree with your persoective on why some mentally ill people should not be told to procreate, my greatest dream and goal infact is to be able to propagate and advise for global antinatalism for all humans no matter their individual functioning

[@erdyerdnusss]

I hate writing such paragraphs, just got rid of another cluster of thought and it doesn't get posted somehow

[@-Siculus-Hort-]

@@erdyerdnusss hmm hmm. you also do that?

[@monicacarvajal7756]

Picasso true masterpiece I mean that thank you.

[@brittanycozart2025]

What if I am in recognition of my feelings of helplessness and I feel stuck in a situation where I need help but I am trying to get to where I don't need anyone to help me and I feel needy but I am trying to fight it while feeling utter despair? What if I take on work but I have bosses who don't respect me and I just feel list and overwhelmed and it just reminds me of past failures. I can acknowledge things I have accomplished but I still feel inadequate. I feel like I'm running out of time in the present. Mt birthday is this month and I just bought my first home but I'm working two jobs and my body hurts. My therapist told me to puck one area of my house to focus on and I'm doing this but my fridge quit working and I work with people who have authority over me, some who are younger and talk to me like garbage and in one job, I can't even go to HR because of favorites....I want things that everyone else seems entitled to like respect and kindness. It makes me feel like I don't count or like I'm defective. It makes every accomplishment feel pointless. I want help but I don't want to feel dependent on anyone else because it just adds to the inadequacy. I try to stay busy and pick tasks at home that exhibit self-love and preservation but then feel like everything I'm doing with work and emotions-all of it is so much and I'm exhausted. I feel like a hamster on a wheel

[@johnpaulsawan1990]

I relate@@XOChristianaNicole

[@-Siculus-Hort-]

hmm hmm. indeed. i feel like i wrote this but i know i didn't. funny that.

[@margaritatsoullou7431]

My husband has bordelain disorder.I am disperate.After 17 years of marriage e two children's the year before he had his first big crisis and went away from house.After a lot of months push and pull now he wants a divorce.I love him i want to safe our marriage.What i can do.He is telling to me that he loves me but he is not anymore in love with me.

[@siciliaitalie6858]

Why we re so hated and understandable u have to know how to deal with us we will offer u the world we're so kind

[@sara.gh.83]

I do make a good choice and make a plan but as you said in subconscious level I accept my abusive mom to not fight with her, some part of me always want to postpone my plan and self’s hitting myself and I don’t know how to stop that part. There’s always really dark part inside me to to want doing shitty things

[@JohnDoe-vy5hh]

This is a scary disease.

[@laurenp1796]

What can be done about it? I want to be normal.

[@samvaknin]

You can search my channel.

[@AmiNa-po9iu]

Thank you ❤

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

I'd love to send this to my ex who has BPD,

[@peterbalac1915]

I think you know the reaction that would come back, I would love to send it to my ex as well but she would just twist it and turn it back on me. The worst relationship I've ever been in it's like they are continuously trying to destroy you, good luck in the future your comment bought a smile to my face !!❤

[@cc-cd1yh]

Spot on

[@brigitte2217]

It's so very very sad 😢 love from Germany ❤

[@weboflies999]

Is it possible that someone with bipolar can exhibit narcissistic tendencies during manic/hypo-manic and borderline during the depressive state? This seems to be what I'm dealing with...

[@samvaknin]

Search the comorbidities playlist.

[@ghostplaymakers3681]

Is it likely for an untreated borderline personality disorder to outgrow the symptom and/or criteria without professional intervention?

[@samvaknin]

Search the BPD playlist.

[@AviweZathu]

😂The Borderline : I am not in the world Prof. you're the best at what you do ♡

[@idiomaxiom]

Are the physiological differences in borderlines treatable? Do they come right with treatment?

[@samvaknin]

No.

[@idiomaxiom]

@@samvaknin so the trauma can be treated, learn to manage emotions, be in their body, etc but they will always be an emotional burn victim?

[@sara.gh.83]

Are borderline capable of living alone and taking responsibilities for her life?

[@samvaknin]

When s/he has grown older and more experienced.

[@Melissa0774]

Do you consider eating disorders a variation of borderline?

[@samvaknin]

No. www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq65.html

[@Александра_1_1]

Thank u, Sam❤️ Agree with all of the above. but I have a question, if the borderline person only seems outwardly satisfactory so as not to alienate people from himself, and that this is just a "mask game", then what is the borderline person's sense of humor connected with? (maybe with partially developed empathy, I don't know). After all, humor is a positive inner experience, empathy

[@sara.gh.83]

Do you recommend to immigrate to another country for borderline to keep away from toxic family? Are they capable of study and find job and start new life by their own?

[@UtesFinnhütte]

Herzlichen Dank 👍

[@aeliades1344]

Ive been having bad splitting episodes. Goin back to my dbt skills.

[@Rachelscats]

It is exhausting being BPD, but been diagnosed with bipolar as well. I see bpd being demonized by some channels here, but I think that is for partners who have been hurt by us to make them feel better. And the engulfment anxiety is very true. Is there any hope for us to change? My gut says no, unfortunately. Unfortunately, I think people think of Amber Heard when they see BPD now, but that is more of a caricature. We are all not so bad. I promise!😔It is simply a result of early childhood abuse in most cases..it isn't our fault.. thank goodness for Sam's channel has been very helpful to learn from.

[@tea.t.95]

​@@countessnicoleb5060Amber is Bpd/histrionic

[@AnimosityIncarnate]

I agree, but also as a male with this disorder I think the symptoms can lead to violence being IMPULSIVE and hella easier.

[@imchef17]

Well ... when you think you've got a hold of something and doing well, you're actually not and it's all been just manipulation. What a realisation.

[@JinJinDoe]

Do you become borderline from childhood or can you become it when older?

[@samvaknin]

Typically, around age 12. But no later than 15-16.

[@JinJinDoe]

@@samvaknin Thank you.

[@lovelv1278]

Why 12 ?? This is so Interesting . My mom is a malignant narcissist. BpD I'm pretty sure as well . She is a very SICK WOMAN . I've been no contact w her for over 2 wks now. I realized i had fallen back into the FANTASY and how this trauma bond was killing me . I live w her . Good thing it's a BIG house ! Lol

[@melyssaExplainsItAll]

@samvaknin at around 11min you state BPD and NPD she is empty just like the Narc “nobody is there” is this also true for the Histrionic when he decompensated? How is it different for him bc he doesn’t have a false self correct? Does he have an internal or external bad object or none at all? I have listen to every video you have on histrionics and I catch snippets u say in other videos where u quickly mention them.. I would love for you to do more on male histrionic presentation. It is so poorly understood and understudied and under represented. I truly feel we have an epidemic of histrionic males in our current climate. These are the Sex Addicts the chronic cheaters the duplicites and true conartist of the bunch. They are rampant with the sexual attention fantasy porn and escort services onlyfans etc it is giving the histrionic male a tangible outlet. The literature states that 9/10 people with sex addiction have a concurrent PD.. and 9/10 sex addicts are male.. This leads me to believe that most of these Sex Addicts are histrionic males. They are the true wolves in sheep’s clothing.. what do you think?

[@samvaknin]

It is a bad idea to rely on TikTok as “literature”. Your numbers are wrong. People with HPD have no false self, are not empty inside, though, in some limited respects, they are prone to fantasy.

[@armanirza]

Am I a bad person for being this? After the death of my brother & 2 best friends I lost myself. Then I had a kid and the mother kept me away for years. I feel worthless a lot: I hate myself. But I stay alone bc I don’t want to be around people so they won’t feel my pain 😢

[@emilywilliams6776]

I love you

[@KarinnaZarate]

How do you know all of this tho

[@jeslin3]

No wonder am so drawn to your smart brain and handsome face Sam. I think i might be a boarderline bcoz i keep getting attracted to narcisist. 🎉❤

[@samvaknin]

Borderline.

[@poojachoudhary7534]

Why all intelligent male npd wants to correct grammar and spelling ?May be all suffers from OCD.

[@bangeru1]

Isn't the greatest victims their children?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

[@joannaayres6555]

Does everyone is the word have contextual competence they are good at some things and bad at others?

[@samvaknin]

Try English.

[@mephisto212]

Wow. Grieving the idealized version of the past. I do that to an utterly absurd degree, and I'm about 90% positive my mom was BPD. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on that scale.

[@peterbalac1915]

The last sentence summed up my ex girlfriend perfectly, she used to drive 3 hours to see me within the hour she would start a massive row getting violent and aggressive and i would end up throwing her out. Although she had made her mind up she was going she had to have the last childish outbursts. I used to plead with her to stay but she said it was her homing device, she blames it on the menopause and she is on medication for that. She said from the beginning i would hand her back cunning trick just made me want to succeed even more, her behaviour gradually wore me down i actually shut down because it was futile goings head to head with her. Stress,anxiety, walking on eggshells her toxicity was absolutely vile coupled with her promiscuous behaviour became intolerable. Dont ever think there can be a civil ending to finishing the relationship she was a pathological liar to the very end but i got to read her mannerisms, she would swear on her child's life she was telling the truth i have facts to prove otherwise. Im glad im out of it if only i had discovered this channel two years ago, now ive got to try and get to being me i never imagined it would be so tough.

[@Prashant131090]

Emotional dysregulation is the scariest. Indeed, bpd people pay a huge price in the long run. Can God help with it? I am turning into a non-believer. So, please help us all, dear almighty 'Prof. Dr. Vaknin'.

[@bradleyraath114]

I'm not sure if watching all these Sam Vaknin videos is a journey of self discovery, or some kind of masochism.. I'm 47 now, and feel it's probably a bit late for all these deep realisations.

[@birdgangrydaman]

I think she is more appropriate

[@ReadyToGoHome777]

God this is me to a T

[@arbez101]

OH my gaaawd!

[@enagoswamichatterjee8936]

BPD are not wicked...we have been hurt ..we are in pain ...and scared and scarred and traumatised, whenever we feel we can be brought out of the darkness..a little hope...we believe...we are then disregarded blaming us for our rage ...I wont victimize us but we have been treated badly as well...we have immense rage but we are the best of lovers, immense empathy...nobody sees that...all we are reduced to is just an abusive individual....what about how we are abused...we know how it feels to crave love , cry and hurt to numb the immense pain, trying to let go but never being able to...maybe we are not the best of humans...we have flaws , everyone does....but it's a disorder...u don't tell a cancer or a diabetic patient to just get themself together , it's all in our head...or stuff like that...the immense lack of knowledge and understanding for basic human need is nerve wrecking. Thanks sir for finally showing a bit of compassion. Bcoz all we hear even from the closest of our people are how we failed to be a Human. We are scared of more pain , we sense it , we observe , the reason behind we push them away before they hurt us...even though we are considered to be the ' abusers'...the overwhelming no. Of abuses we have gone through cannot be even described or brought to word. Even after begging to not be left we are indeed always abandoned. We are often stuck in the past, in reality we just don't want the same feel again and again.

[@Annele2810]

I could Fall in love with you😍😍😍😂😂

[@miself]

what its like to b me.

[@j_u_ss_y]

That's how my wrists look. I have a pretty wrist and an ugly wrist. A good wrist and a bad wrist.

[@charlesbromberick4247]

Marsha L. and her mom are both borderlines.

[@alvildasophiaalegria800]

Is this a plus for her to write?

[@charlesbromberick4247]

@@alvildasophiaalegria800 It no doubt gives her a certain understanding.

[@Deepintent]

NPD, BPD are innpbent victims of their own choices.