HOW DID THEY FUCK UP JURASSIC WORLD 3 THIS BADLY??

[@halfmettlealchemist8076]

Imagine being the screenwriters who get to make a Jurassic Park movie where the dinos are unleashed upon modern civilization and then somehow making that concept boring.

[@whodatninja439]

well you have hack Colin Trevorro and a screenwriter for hire hack who wrote Pacific Rim 2 and nothing else... what can possibly go wrong???

[@Seallypoops]

@@whodatninja439 oh now this makes sense, the screenwriters who made the limited Jeager concept and threw it out the window for the worst power rangers Zord battle in history

[@ry_jayy]

Imagine having the chance to write a Jurassic Park movie and making it about locusts

[@halfmettlealchemist8076]

Oh fuck off, the Pacific Rim 2 person made this??? That explains far too much about this movie

[@ginogatash4030]

Even without bad writers studio interference would've absolutely fucked this film, the entire trilogy reeks of studio interferences.

[@aimeewilson4505]

No joke, I had that exact same thought every time Ellie and Alan were on screen. They didn’t feel like actors playing it up, they felt like real characters making logical actions and real conversation. Ellie and Alan talking in the beginning felt like a a real conversation between old friends. Compare that to Chris Pratt’s character literally seeing a man getting his face bitten off by a dinasour and all he does it look away a little annoyed. It’s so comparative to how old movies paced characters versus modern movies which are written to shine their actors fame rather than their talent.

[@245Carol]

men are more interested in things and women are most interested in people. I cared more about the ccharacter's stories than whether or not there was a dinosaur with feathers.

[@Shaddiewolf]

My husband and I laughed so hard at the point in this movie where Claire screams "WHAT?!" after Owen tells her that she needs to get off the plane. I don't know why her line delivery was so insane but it fucking sent me lmao.

[@user-uy1rg8td1v]

Also a beatup old cargo plane would not have an ejection seat system. Fighters who do use an ejection seat system have a danger of suffering injuries because it's stressful on the human body.

[@Shaddiewolf]

@@user-uy1rg8td1v Yes sir! My dad was a Navy pilot so he knew of a few guys who had to do that before - they saved themselves from dying, but it came with a lifelong cost.

[@Jokin_Jake]

Owen Gravy choking the dino by the throat is one of the funniest things ever.

[@halfmettlealchemist8076]

“You’re weak, Sasuke”

[@salt6500]

hes literally worked with dinosaurs of course he can do that

[@eileensnow6153]

I think he’s actually blocking the gland that the dinosaur shoots its goop out of before it eats

[@prathapkutty7407]

It's odd that thing didn't try to scratch and bite him or move around aggressively. There is no way he's that strong to hold it the way he did.

[@Jokin_Jake]

@@prathapkutty7407 the way I think about it is that it works like holding a cat by the neck. Cats become very still when you do that.

[@believelandbrad]

8:03 "Still got it :)" "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU???" that part gets me every time lmao

[@swagwolfgang]

When the gigantasaurus looked directly into the camera and said “we live in a society….a dominion” i fucking cried

[@peterandleestudios2023]

Giganotosaurus, not Gigantasaurus. Giga not a saurus, not gigant a saurus

[@gojigiante]

Ah yes, here we have the wild “Gigantasaurus”.

[@peterandleestudios2023]

@@gojigiante I think we roasted him

[@kores5324]

@@peterandleestudios2023 I think you guys just missed the joke tbh

[@cadelllwellyn6021]

Each of these movies had really interesting premises that they all fail to explore Jurassic World 1: Jurassic Park but the the park actually opens Jurassic World 2: Dinosaurs as part of the illegal wildlife trade Jurassic World 3: Dinosaur running free in the modern world. All these are great premises, but the instead of exploring them the movies try to make Action Heroes. Not every action movie needs a badass bigger than life heroes. We want normal people reacting to extraordinary events.

[@BobJTMarts]

That's very true

[@BraffWaffle]

Exactly on that “action heroes bigger than life”. No one is watching JP to see human controlling and having the upper hand to a fucking dinosaur. I want to see some average everyday joes who aren’t some military trained jacked mf struggling to survive against some dinosaurs

[@ForExampleJon]

@@BraffWaffle they really had to go and have Chris Pratt basically bitch slap one of the most iconic dinosaurs from the first trilogy.

[@iverpagente3391]

I think Purge did it best. They touched on a family first something simple, to what if situations like getting caught out on a purge or being poor, then proceed to go to the political landscape of the purge then the forever purge with a society lenient with violence. Then again these are acceptable action movies but still the newness is accepted with thriller as the main genre. I think furthermore the jurassic series is mainly for the general audience including kids so flashy explosions and stunts appeal more to them

[@danielwisniewski4005]

Like the first one!

[@danwhite9184]

Totally agreed. Raptors were terrifying in the first Jurassic Park movie, and Colin Trevorrow found a way to neuter them.

[@circa81]

Lost World kind of made them clowns tbh.

[@HyperionFTW]

@@circa81 the raptors in lost world were borderline cartoon characters.

[@ParkRanger2000]

@@HyperionFTW pretty much. But they do have badass colors on them.

[@sagevoyage]

They were scary because you didn't see them running around like dogs. They were sneaky and intelligent. The kitchen scene is flawless

[@aimeewilson4505]

They felt like dogs in this series

[@DustbinFunkbndr]

The “does it feel like we’re in a dream?” Moment was so damn relatable to my experience in the theater. I genuinely felt like I was dissociating but was still vividly aware of everything. I was shocked by how bored I could be during such a loud movie

[@BobJTMarts]

Universal experience apparently

[@booktales1687]

I thought I was the only one. Weirdest feeling I’ve had watching a film in years

[@DustbinFunkbndr]

@@booktales1687 was truly bizarre. I remember feeling acute aware of how the seat felt, the smell of the auditorium, how my phone felt in my pocket, and other details I would normally never focus on or even really pick up while seeing something in theaters. I'm seriously not a hard sell, I fucking love watching movies, but this was bad in a seriously strange way.

[@booktales1687]

@@DustbinFunkbndr I felt a similar way, especially how the chair felt. I was also very hyper aware of the people around me and how the theater looked. Do you think boredom from the film may have caused some of us to hyper fixate on other things such as the theater itself? That’s the only logical conclusion I could think of that would explain this bizarre experience

[@DustbinFunkbndr]

@@booktales1687 I would think so. Probably also trying to compensate for the surreal feeling of being that bored in the theater. Like, this is usually a space where I’m focused on a specific stimulus but what I’m used to isn’t happening so what else could be causing this? Truly an unfortunately memorable experience lol

[@vaultedarchivesinc]

“i’d rather just watch this documentary” that’s what i thought it would be about, i was hoping it would be about the modern world dealing with prehistoric animals attacking

[@juliancaraveo5700]

I legit had so many scenarios planned before the movie came out. Here were a scenarios : A Pachycephalosaurus family nesting at a school , Baryonx attacking an invasive Python, An Ankylosaurus herd alongside a herd of Bison, and a Stegosaurus drinking water near a moose .

[@34r343]

There is prheistoric planet it shows accurate dinosaurs.

[@vaultedarchivesinc]

@@34r343 yes i’ve seen it, it’s a wonderful show

[@paulkem1130]

This movie should have just been about the original trio. They were the only things redeeming about it.

[@BobJTMarts]

Honestly

[@Ryan-fk3oi]

Except for that God awful "Slid into my DMs" line

[@jacksonelh]

you can't make two movies about a group of characters and then have them not even appear in the third movie. honestly just make Jurassic world 3 without the original cast, these nostalgia bait movies are getting old

[@xanimegax]

Yea could've done away with the horrendous writing.

[@alistaircraig7849]

I feel Alan could have had more to do tbh, I felt he was disrespected and treated like a confused old man

[@ceeb420]

Bryce Dallas Howard's "HWHAT!?!" before she gets launched out of the plane is the best part of the movie.

[@RichardApperition]

I wonder if that turned Eric on like when she yells "RUN!!!" in the first one

[@KaMafo28]

The og cast held my attention the most even though they got a shitty plotline. I kept waiting for them to come back on screen. I think it's not only their acting, but their chemistry. It still holds after all these years

[@thejustinsteffan]

Something good holds up today. Thanks einstein.

[@Finamajig]

@@thejustinsteffan Ease up mate

[@thejustinsteffan]

@@Finamajig you and what army?

[@Finamajig]

@@thejustinsteffan I don’t know

[@KaMafo28]

@@thejustinsteffan you're very welcome, glad my genius could bless you on this day 😌

[@alpacalips4887]

I love how the literal dinosaur trainer who worked with dinosaurs for a living decided that a business woman has a better chance of making it through a dinosaur infested valley in order to find their adopted clone daughter.

[@jahleel0077]

Tbf, I'm pretty sure he thought they were going to die. So giving his gf a chance to survive instead of leaving her to die makes sense.

[@alpacalips4887]

@@jahleel0077 yeah it would have made more sense if he just told her to use the parachute instead of saying the whole thing about her having a better chance of making it,it wasn’t needed and didn’t make sense

[@wiker680]

@@alpacalips4887 i don't think it's very crazy to think I've got a better chance of survival being parachute shot out of a plane than staying on said plane till it crashes

[@purpledragon1945]

It would been better if he just gave her the parachute saying something along the lines of "only 1 of us can survive this, I want it to be you". As a sort of loving gesture akin to sacrificing yourself for a loved one

[@wht-rabt-obj]

@@jahleel0077 My thoughts exactly.

[@VinkyDee]

I must say having a little Eric and Zach in my ear made this movie much more enjoyable in theaters. I think the dms line is the first time I audibly groaned in a theater.

[@PrettyMuchIt]

wooooo so glad you enjoyed our in-theater track!

[@jahleel0077]

I took my nephew to the movie and did the same thing! I would have fallen asleep otherwise

[@LostUtopiaFilms]

I could never I’d be laughing too much when I’m not supposed to 😂

[@oliviamorales9406]

I personally groaned out loud in the theater during the reveal that the girl was some clone her own mom gave birth to via lizard DNA and every moment the characters put their hands up to somehow control the dinosaurs

[@Butterfly-ll7mm]

How did Claire outrun a dinosaur with EASE yet Owen ON A MOTORCYCLE couldn’t💀

[@ParkRanger2000]

Mainly because he was going into long pathways, streets, open areas, and Claire had ONE Atrociraptor to deal with.

[@booktales1687]

Owen made the mistake of not wearing heels

[@d3l3tes00n]

We don't ask these questions.

[@H2o3G2a]

Because womans is perfect and stronger than everything in life.. also smarter. I'm so done with this sexist bullshit.

[@Butterfly-ll7mm]

@@H2o3G2a 😐

[@AlecDouglas]

The final dinosaur battle was such an odd choice because it was supposed to feel triumphant or whatever but none of the dinosaurs had been shown to be villainous or anything so when the T. Rex came back to life I was just like “Well alright”

[@whodatninja439]

plus they did the exact same thing in both jw1 and 2. with old vs new

[@karrma8955]

@@whodatninja439 in jw2 rexy didnt fight anything but 2 carnos and she one shotted them off screen she canonically fought a baryonyx whom she also one shotted and blue who she almost killed (jurassic world:blue vr game)

[@somanyfood8088]

It was so weird. The final battle was so cool up until the team up kill. It ends so fast and it genuinely didn’t feel real. It was like getting ready to sneeze but then not sneezing.

[@raccoon2968]

This kzbin.info/www/bejne/bHuzdJqrfst4fpo Is an animatic that did so much better than the shitty ending we got for dominion. Honestly the writers did us Jurassic park fans dirty.

[@EthanCollinsProductions]

Yeah the Giganotosaurus didn`t even do anything wrong, it wasn`t even that evil it was just being an animal doing it`s thing, and then it`s killed and we are supposed to feel relieved and satisfied that it got what it deserved, but it didn`t even deserve to die. Also they presented it as the big bad dinosaur of this movie, and yet we don`t get a good look at it until the end

[@unknownflickz1289]

Simple: they didn't focus on the premise people wanted, dinosaurs living in our world.

[@breakwoodhopper6739]

Yeah its wild 🤣

[@unknownflickz1289]

@@breakwoodhopper6739 it is, the Malta sequence came closest to actually touching upon it with the dino ring stuff but everything else was either a quick montage or dinos in another boring ass facility

[@jaredoviatt2721]

100% lol. I was just trying to see some mf get ripped in half in Times Square

[@dylan3488]

This is exactly what I said walking out of the theater. They brought a super cool premise into the series and said fuck that we doin giant bugs

[@DJosephJourney]

@@dylan3488 And honestly the giant bugs would have been fine as a one off thing. Like “hey they are destroying crops and now we have to learn how to live with them now just like the other dinos”

[@Kyles_Vlog]

Saw this movie with my Dad. This is now our standard of "bad movie." We didn't enjoy Love and Thunder...but we walked out saying "Well at least it was better than Jurassic World Dominion."

[@PrettyMuchIt]

oooof

[@athenajaxon2397]

Omg that's my family with Fantastic beasts the crimes of Grindelwald lmao

[@aeganratheesh]

Love and Thunder is horrible compared to Dominion

[@ParkRanger2000]

Lol, not even close. Love and Thunder was God Awful compared to Dominion.

[@shinndig1293]

@@ParkRanger2000 obvious shill

[@Jaeden_Phoenix]

Honestly surprised that they didn't pull "Somehow the Spinosaurus returned" on us.

[@yaboirezzy]

There's actually a fan animation/animatic of the Spino appearing in the final battle to help Rexy kill the Giga instead of the Theri. And honestly it was much better than the actual final battle! Sure the reasoning behind the Spino's return would've been rushed and forced, but we would get an awesome dino battle like the first Jurassic World

[@jasminecarter9594]

The only thing I liked about this movie was the use of practical dinos at some points. That's all.

[@PrettyMuchIt]

agreed!

[@scatterbrainedreviews]

The ending really does just happen. Like “huh, credits, guess we’re leaving now.”

[@somanyfood8088]

I think I said “wait what” out loud in the theaters when it ended. It genuinely didn’t feel like it was supposed to end there.

[@Finamajig]

The movie felt unbelievably long yet after all that build up still didn’t feel like it was ready to end because It never went anywhere

[@scatterbrainedreviews]

@@somanyfood8088 I actually thought it was the START of the third act. But no, just the actual ending!

[@miss_chelles1338]

@@somanyfood8088 BRO- LOW-KEY ME 💀🤣

[@FrantiC119]

The trex thing pushing the other trex thing onto the kind of trex thing with giant edward scissorhands who just appeared out of nowhere really got me. The complete non-reaction to this by the commentators made it even funnier. Literally crying laughing that that was the ending to a movie that probably cost 200 million dollars.

[@Ledecral]

The locusts could actually have been interesting if they showed us people starving, rioting, store shelves without food. It wouldn’t be the movie we were promised but it would have felt like there were consequences if the heroes failed.

[@MavisVanPoe]

The reason why the raptors and other dinosaurs feel so bad is because they treat them like characters and not animals. In the first movie they made them smart but very animalistic which is what made them so terrifying they felt real like real animals but then at some point they decided to add way too much personality and human characteristics and they just don't feel like dinosaurs anymore and more like secondary characters

[@thatguyseb8824]

"What is with the locusts man, who thought that this was gonna be compelling?" My thoughts summed up in one sentence. A truly awful movie.

[@halfmettlealchemist8076]

Whoever looked at the first draft of the script of this movie and said "You know what would be cooler than literal fucking dinosaurs in the modern day? Big bugs" should have been fired immediately

[@TOM-ro7rt]

It added more horror so idc and they're still technically jurassic creatures

[@joshuabailey9578]

@@TOM-ro7rt you sound young

[@JD-jz5gu]

@@TOM-ro7rt more horror? Did we see the same movie🤣🤣🤣

[@halloweenfriday]

It’s as if Colin Trevorrow watched Exorcist II: The Heretic and said, “Yeah, that can work!”

[@vvdubz]

Jeff Goldblum is a KING, an ICON. If we get to see him sit, so be it. If we get to see him, god forbid, STAND, may we be blessed for such a privilege 🙏

[@athenajaxon2397]

He was legitimately great in this lmao

[@kalo_vera]

The man threw a flaming javelin into a dinosaur's mouth The sheer chadness of that move alone makes him the best character

[@NGRevenant]

he is the pullout king

[@firefly5677]

"I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here: it didn't require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it, you want to sell it!"

[@PrettyMuchIt]

remember good dialogue? lol

[@FairyBogFather]

the irony lmao

[@skibot9974]

@@FairyBogFather well any sense of the franchise having self awareness went out the moment they made any sequels

[@taags]

The people who wrote the script for this should be ashamed of themselves.

[@dizasteroid7]

You just correctly guessed the writer's pronouns.

[@halfmettlealchemist8076]

@@dizasteroid7 What the fuck do pronouns have to do with anything? We're talking about Jurassic World 3, miss me with that homophobic shit Also, I looked it up, the movie was literally co-written by the director Colin Trevorrow, and a woman names Emily Carmichael, so your joke isn't even accurate in context

[@teriyak1]

@@dizasteroid7 lmao

[@era_s]

I think there were genuinely like 15 of them and it SHOWS.

[@wutais]

She wrotes pacific rim uprising lmao

[@loganhurley4764]

Should’ve been called, “Locust World: Dominion”.

[@Finamajig]

Locust World: Da Minions

[@miss_chelles1338]

@@Finamajig 💀😭

[@Finamajig]

@@miss_chelles1338 There was a minion animated bumper before the film when me and my friends went to see it; we all agreed it was the best part of the film

[@mitchell4745]

I’m convinced Owen is a Jedi doing hand mind tricks on the Dino’s to stay alive

[@tortis009]

"Were not the humans your looking for"

[@Angie-uq5wp]

It baffles me that they decided to make this movie about clones and locusts instead of the LITERAL dinosaurs unleashed on the world

[@JonathanGarcia-lg3yb]

Let's be real if if that were to happen the movie was end within 30 minutes all fhe big dinosaurs would be captured or killed plus in this age we have guns the dinosaur would've be that threatening maybe in the beginning but the mess would be over In a few months max

[@itsjustken1109]

The first 5 minutes : Dinosaurs living in the modern world outside of a facility or park : What we wanted The other 2 hours 20 minutes : Big Locust make food crisis go brr

[@treytison1444]

It's like the writers dared each other to come up with a Jurassic Park story that no Jurassic Park fans would want. It's also funny seeing their reaction to the locusts early on saying that they're unnecessary, not knowing that the entire plot is the stupid locusts.

[@Zeddyboi86]

The only time I even cracked a smile in this movie was when Malcolm said, "You made a promise..... to a dinosaur?"

[@carlosboozer6017]

After the second movie I was honestly really interested in this one since I thought it would mainly deal with how people and nature are dealing with dinosaurs after them being released around the world. Yet 99% of this movie is about insects and a cloned kid instead of dinosaurs.

[@RiseOfTheKumquat67]

7:58 In the theater I remember really badly wanting the Mosessaur to jump out of the water and catch the raptor/motorcycle in mid-air just to perfectly cap off the Fast and Furious feel of that whole scene

[@CoalBee01]

Because of the beginning of the video, when Goldblum says "not only do we lack dominion" all I could hear was "not only do we lack da minion" and I couldn't not laugh

[@PandaHug11]

The worst part is that they got me to go watch this in the theaters just by waving the original cast in my face 😔 And I fell for it 😞

[@athenajaxon2397]

The trailers were so good too like they really sold the idea of dinosaurs living in our world and then nuked it

[@johnlime1469]

@@athenajaxon2397 The short film was good.

[@athenajaxon2397]

@@johnlime1469 literally better than the entirety of Jurassic world Dominion

[@Whimsy3692]

I hope others take this as a valuable lesson to stop giving Hollywood their money to keep doing this to people...

[@bigorange2082]

The original cast was the best part of the movie.

[@theshadow5200]

I think IF they make another one it should either be about dinosaurs in our everyday life or make it horror themed as you could get lots of horror and tension from the dinosaurs

[@aktenskapsmaklerskan7664]

no please. no more jurassic dogshit

[@theshadow5200]

@@aktenskapsmaklerskan7664 if there’s money to be made then they don’t care

[@supersizesenpai]

"I think IF they make another one it should either be about dinosaurs in our everyday life " Me: Sooooo a modern day The Flintstones? 🤣

[@theshadow5200]

@@supersizesenpai or horror themed but yes

[@kennonat8494]

And kill characters, make me fear for them, when I watch these movies I don't feel afraid for Chris Pratt because I know they're not gonna kill him so they can bring him back in an even shittier trilogy.

[@xoltd69]

I think a big part that this movie trilogy doesn’t get that the original gets is that the dinosaurs are these huge creatures of a time past and are looked at was beautiful history brought to life that breaks free as natural animals would. Jurassic Park is not an action series it’s a thriller, a horror movie where the humans are simply trying to survive outside of their element.

[@ryshow9118]

The sound of Eric not giving a single shit about a movie is straight up incredible to me

[@indiecinemaster4699]

Wu's redemption makes no fucking sense, considering everything he did to the kids in Camp Cretaceous...

[@sparkyzt]

thank you!!! i feel the exact same way, i see no point in his redemption ESPECIALLY after camp cretaceous😭

[@araani8740]

yes!!

[@skibot9974]

Not everybody has seen that show

[@indiecinemaster4699]

@@skibot9974 They should. It's the best thing to happen to Jurassic Park since the first movie...

[@skibot9974]

@@indiecinemaster4699 My point is that I feel its a mistake to consider spin offs in the judgment of mainline stuff

[@clareflattery8720]

I have not watched any of the Jurassic Worlds, so when Eric said "Is that the little clone girl?" I burst out laughing. WTH!?!

[@olidadinoman9637]

Lool

[@eggmork]

"is that lori from shark tank?" when I tell you I SCREAMED

[@strawberrylime33]

Hahaha, she's actually the leader of the Grounders in The 100 season 1.

[@sharksNstuff2029]

"who do you got your money on? I just don't give a fuck" Lol and there it is

[@Fizzbuzzbizzfuzz2]

"it literally feels like I'm watching the mandalorian right now" "never seen it" "me neither"

[@PrettyMuchIt]

Reading this back made me laugh out loud at a bar in Austin, TX

[@Fizzbuzzbizzfuzz2]

@@PrettyMuchIt you and zach have excellent chemistry, I would love to see him more often

[@antisora13]

Colin Trevorrow really said “screw you guys I’ll make my own Star Wars” and then made a worse movie.

[@namecomingsoon9517]

All i wanted was Owen on a plane and i got that. But i also wanted him to dream Blue saying “Owen”

[@mariaharrington8101]

Also loved watching this in the theater with Eric and Zach was literally the best part of the movie there are parts that I dont even remember but remember the commentary that was happening

[@Bayuuk]

“I’m only interested in this because it’s [the original cast] Chris Pratt is gonna show up and I’m gonna get bored” This is EXACTLY how i felt watching this

[@mariaharrington8101]

The opening statement has been what I’ve told ever person who asks me about this movie. I would much rather watch the fake doc then this movie lol

[@liv8388]

“This feels like a Super Bowl commercial.” Perfectly describes how I feel about all the new Jurassic world movies lmao

[@theflickchick9850]

My dad and I were cackling silently when Owen jumped the motorcycle onto the plane. That was some "Con Air" shit. I love when Eric says "Who's this?" every time a new dinosaur shows up bc I say "hello" every time one shows up. Even though it was TERRIBLE, I love dinosaurs and were a lot of things I came to see and I got to see them and so therefore, I had a very good time. And I was stoked when the OG trio got so much to do. And I'm one of the few who liked the locust stuff.

[@GwenShep]

Ngl the world seems incredibly calm for dinosaurs now living among them? At least you guys made this movie enjoyable lmao

[@williamdinkel2304]

I sarcastically love how the Pterydactyl or whatever they call it, just attacks a larger, extremely loud flying plane without hesitation. Its an animal bro, it would be terrified of the plane.

[@johnjimako7391]

BD Wong at the end there looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the weird transitional part of Looper where they try and convince you he and Bruce Willis are actually the same character

[@PrettyMuchIt]

zach said the same thing in the full track! 😂

[@johnjimako7391]

@@PrettyMuchIt my man knows what's up then

[@SewerxGator]

the funniest thing about this movie is that they hype this up as the grand finale, bringing all the pieces together all of the movies finally coming together to make this, showing the world ruled by dinosaurs on the mainland, all the animals you have seen over the years taking over the earth, think of all the iconic designs of the animals, everything you have witnessed, you ready to see it affect the world as we know it? well too bad, lets make new generic dinosaurs, and lets make a new island! and you can spend the rest of the movie on that island after barely seeing what we have teased over this trilogy

[@Dustin314]

I genuinely couldn’t even finish this movie. Tried watching it the other day and got about halfway through before tapping out.

[@timedfoot1020]

The second half is significantly better than the first I loved it

[@packsw9243]

@@timedfoot1020 how

[@dabalma]

Ellie: what is this? Alan: biggest carnivore the world has ever seen Spino: and I took that personally

[@Tabi-Kun]

Well camp Cretaceous shows that spino was no bigger than Little Eatie and big Eatie, and Rexy is confirmed to be the biggest T. rex in the franchise, meaning she’s bigger than Little and Big Eatie and even the spino, and giga is bigger than Rexy proving that Giga really could have been the biggest carnivore in the franchise (I’m aware that fully inaccurate irl but this is Jurassic world, they made everything get bigger and bigger and just labeled it as “real” in that universe)

[@TheLovelyLadybug]

Seeing Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler get back together is like seeing your divorced parents get back together.

[@thatfishguy4991]

I hate how every time a dinosaur shows up in a Jurassic Park movie a character says the dinosaur name and a random fact. “Quetzalcoatlus.” “giganotosaurus the biggest dinosaur that’s ever lived.” “atrociraptors.”

[@PrettyMuchIt]

HAHA TRUE

[@Morostoricoson10]

The absolute unimpressed silence when the final dino stab happened 💀

[@thingusbingus8181]

Quick question, how did a handful of individual dinosaurs manage to repopulate the entire PLANET with dinosaurs.

[@Vaul.]

The best dinosaur orgy this side of the Mesozoic

[@halfmettlealchemist8076]

Life, uhhhh, finds a way

[@tubeuser2222]

by dinofucking

[@Tores444]

frogs

[@pedro-ty4rt]

Some of em were probably bread but you know life finds a way

[@Butterfly-ll7mm]

Imo they didn’t show enough of Blue and her daughter, a dinosaur caring for their baby is such an awesome concept

[@athenajaxon2397]

Besides the OG characters Blue is legitimately the best character in these movies lmao

[@ksoundkaiju9256]

They should have had blue trying to get her baby back to Would have been cool to see her reaction to seeing other raptors considering her pack was killed

[@Kami74159]

They aren't even relevant to the story. Blue and her baby could've been completely cut out of the storyline and it would've made no impact whatsoever to the overall plot.

[@ksoundkaiju9256]

@@Kami74159 which is sad

[@Twulfbynight]

@@Kami74159 for real. Which is sad because I think a spinoff of Blue being tracked by Owen as time passes, like modern conservationists tag and track bears and such would have been better than this hot mess.

[@captainmarvelous7678]

I was cracking up when the locusts that had been lit on fire were still flying across the island like 15 minutes later. It reminded me of Shrek. "I'm not just a giant flying locust, I'm a FLAMING giant flying locust!"

[@JaceDiehl]

It was so great listening to this commentary in the theater. Laughed so many times that the audience probably thought I was crazy 😆

[@PrettyMuchIt]

glad you enjoyed, jace! hope you’re doin well!

[@ironcladnomad5639]

If dinosaurs are running amok in your immediate vicinity and you're still just puttering along on your scooter, you *deserve* to be eaten alive.

[@AnthonyHirsch]

the first jurassic park was so good (that whole trilogy bangs a bit), we gotta stop with the sequels and reboots man lmao Let the old ideas go out with glory there's new shit to make

[@TheMirksta]

Why take risks making a new thing when you can just pump out garbage nostalgia bait that makes as much if not more money

[@AnthonyHirsch]

@@TheMirksta disney in a nutshell

[@fruitfullyfeminine7560]

Absolutely captured every thought I had. How could they have made such a fantastic premise so painful to sit through? Why was it Star Wars for like an hour 😫 Quick request, if you take them! You *must* do a commentary on Black Phone. It is literally one of the best/most well-done horror movies I’ve ever seen. The kids actors blew me away and it is genuinely so creepy even though we know so little of the baddie or what he is actually going to do. The first 30 minutes are like a coming of age with some sweet and heartfelt moments and it actually blew me away. I can’t stop thinking about it and I NEED the only KZbin commentary channel I follow to react 😍

[@dylan3488]

The problem with this movie is the same problem I’ve had with all the JW movies. They introduce a legitimately cool premise and then sidestep it completely with something incredibly dumb. With JW it was a functioning park but instead we got evil hybrid With FK it was dinosaurs removal and the twist which should have ended the movie instead military hybrid dino. (I’ll admit I didn’t mind the black market) And this it’s dinosaurs interacting with humans and different ecosystems instead we get giant bugs. Colin Trevorrow is basically a bad fan fiction writer who got lucky once

[@dilltro133]

Ngl I actually liked the hybrid in the first movie.

[@34r343]

Agreed especially the ending fight, that SCREAMS a really bad fanatic. But it also reminds me of how a little kid would make a jurassic movie. Collin trevorrow has ruined this franchise.

[@ClockworkMan13]

Don't forget the "save the baby raptor" and "human clone" plots they shoe horned in.

[@shinndig1293]

Agreed, Colin is an inept bait & switch hack who just got lucky with the first Jurassic World and all the success for it just went to his head.

[@gojigiante]

The evil hybrid works far better then a working park situation would.

[@kennonat8494]

I think what makes this movie bad is that it has good moments like with the original trio and the practical dinos, then it rips you back to reality with some philosophy bullshit and gives you a lackluster dinosaur fight at the end.

[@basementdwellercosplay]

The only good thing to come out of this film is that they released some new dinosaur plushies and I'm always for that

[@athenajaxon2397]

Legitimately Target had some really cool Jurassic World inspired clothes. Like not just tshirts that say Jurassic Park but like a whole line it was so cool

[@stovesofa]

My sister worked on the first Jurassic World movie and said everyone loved working with Colin Trevorrow; that he was really nice and professional. But holy shit, I never wanna see anything else he’s attached to. Nothing about these Jurassic World movies has worked for me.

[@Quzga]

He's a terribly writer, idk how he landed any of these gigs.

[@TheG_Boy]

>dinosaurs are now out in society >make movie about some facility with dinosaurs for the 99999th time

[@GoodSirMori]

The directors of the movie said the Giga was the "Joker" of the Jurassic Park&World franchise. It legit had less than 3 minutes of screen time

[@harrisontwyman1451]

The logo bit completely took the suspense away like a god damn 4th wall break

[@MrRizeAG]

Original JP trilogy shot dinosaurs as animals. JW trilogy shoots them as monsters. There's a reason it all feels so tiresome and plastic.

[@Tabi-Kun]

Besides the giga, it had a monster design but it’s actions were clearly pure carnivorous animal being an animal that wanted food, the rest just got turned into blood thirsty killers

[@d7whatever]

I love how the existence of the Jurassic World franchise directly/stupidly contradicts the themes of the first (best) jurrassic park

[@poniesatemypencils]

Just watching this shortened and edited version makes me not want to watch the entire movie. But I loved your commentary, that's what made it interesting.

[@esmenaylor4786]

"still got it" "WHO ARE YOU?" killed me

[@bifieri]

"its always dern o'clock somewhere" is a quote i will be using every day from now on thank you boys

[@Ostnizdasht206]

Actors from the past actually had charisma and personality, where modern actors are wooden and lifeless.

[@taxidermyrat2768]

I think an actor can only be as good as the material they are given. Like most of these actors have been good in other things with stronger writing

[@coveherbert6035]

I love how the words “Among Us” were capitalized in the captions at 0:30

[@dab0t221]

Saw this in theaters, never have I been so bored watching dinosaurs on the big screen

[@fredbearchannel976]

When I heard the among us word being mention in my theater I legit tried not to laugh but in the back some kids started yelling sus and I bursts out of laughter we have heard among us so many times it a name that is in everything I wouldn’t be surprised if scream 6 makes a among us joke

[@booktales1687]

“Still got it.” *”Who the fuck are you?”*

[@tylerrose3633]

Pitch meeting for the movie. Executives: So, what do you have? Colin Trevorrow: Let's take Jurassic Park, remove the fun and terror of it, and include the clone girl for plot. I call it "Jurassic World: Dominion." It's gonna be the greatest film to hit theaters since Morbius.

[@shinndig1293]

Yeah, Lost World, JP3, and Jurassic World are all looking pretty good now... This also just proves that Colin's version of Star Wars episode 9 would've actually been worse.

[@katiesbothers]

What we wanted: Basically Battle at Big Rock but longer and with a bigger storyline What we got: Locusts on fire and a plotline I'm convinced they made up as they went along like children putting on a show for their parents on a random Tuesday night

[@Laurenjoinsyoutube]

This movie was contradicting itself so much I couldn’t keep up. I kept questioning things and eventually gave in

[@milesknightestrada3286]

4:31: 'FOURTH?!?'

[@Thecatdrums3]

Haven’t seen this movie but after watching this video I’m glad I didn’t literally Alan, Sam Neil after making this movie went on so many different interviews saying how Jurassic Park three is really good so this movie just made him appreciate being in real movies

[@connorl9546]

The thing with the first and second movies is that the practical effects of the time had restraint baked in. The opening scene where the raptor bumps the cage back and eats the guy works because you don't see him get eaten. The same thing with the tall grass scene. From the third movie onward they tried to show as much of the raptors and other predators as possible and by doing that robbed them of their mystical properties and made them less scary or interesting. Sometimes less is more.

[@tonybippitykaye]

I saw some kind of concept or fan animation where instead of the herbivore joining the fight, it was the spinosaurus from 3. I don’t think it would’ve made it any better, but given the nostalgia factor they were going for, it would’ve maybe worked. But in all honesty, this movie was DOA when Fallen Kingdom got released.

[@angelam9738]

7:18 I believe that the dinosaurs, specifically the raptors, don’t seem like dinosaurs anymore is because Jurassic world series had them written to be more human like if that makes sense. Like they aren’t untamable badass beasts anymore they’re just zoo animals following masters orders. As if Blue wouldn’t just rip off Owens hand when he holds them up for the millionth time.

[@Matty002]

even watching the condensed movie through this was exhausting

[@ninaeve9580]

Love the cheeky lil wink at 9:22😂

[@notrelatable4183]

I've never seen any Jurassic Park film. So when I had nothing better to do I went to the theater to see this movie. Watching this movie was a literal nightmare, but the utter shock that filled my body when Chris Pratt fucking choked out the dinosaur is indescribable. I just burst out laughing. Ironically the funniest thing that happened in this film.

[@notrelatable4183]

@xtrmst_01 I mean, I don't know why you're upset? I thought the movie was awful, even though I've never seen the other films. Never said the series was bad lol. Though, I don't really know how much I respect your take considering you berate anyone who has a differing opinion than you and the only insult you can seem to come up with is the one where you call someone a zoomer. Kinda cringe ngl.

[@Twulfbynight]

@@notrelatable4183 I think it has more to do with the fact that this series has had fans for decades and now some random who's never seen the originals is chiming in.

[@notrelatable4183]

@@Twulfbynight I mean that doesn't exactly change that the movie is bad? Doesn't exactly mean I can't comment on it. Plus if you check this person's other comments, you can see they're just insulting people who enjoyed the movie and have been fans for years so...

[@alessiopiano4778]

That scene was the only good part XD

[@cameronstuart3239]

When you guys said the the Jurassic World films were like the Star Wars sequels it blew my mind because of how true that statement is. Now I know why I dislike the new Jurassic films.