How Do I Love My Body Anyway?

[@asack2183]

Merlanda sounds like a wonderful person and a friend I’d love to have.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

❤

[@Mn2011-u2p]

Yes, she does.

[@amandasmith3504]

Agreed, she seemed based af

[@fandoms5ever]

Something that’s helped me feel more positive at the gym is reminding myself that I’m lucky to have 2 arms and 2 legs that work and that I get to use. I GET to go to the gym. I don’t HAVE to.

[@eliocosmos]

That’s a good strategy, I’ve done that, too. I also park far away from the store and I’m grateful for legs that work as I walk up to the doors. Thank you thank you. How many people who have lost limbs would give anything for the “inconvenience” to park far away and have to walk.

[@TexasAlabama]

"You can't hate your body into better shape" WOW that really hit home with me.

[@neolithic3]

Your body does incredible things for you: it allows you to see, speak, hear, breathe, walk, hold things, feel the hug of a loved one, move to the sound of your favourite song, keep you warm/cool on hot/cold days, taste amazing foods, and a million other things that we all take for granted. It may not look as you wish it to but keep trying to remember all the good it does for you. You are a team with your body, it's not the enemy. If losing weight is a goal, do so with appreciation and love for your body and health rather than trying to hate yourself thinner.

[@JustBeingAwesome]

Cool, just posted the same with slightly different words 😉

[@Girlgonewise]

I get it…you don’t need to love this body. You have to love yourself enough to get the body that you will love.

[@kirapoodle]

What if you have a physical defect that you can't do anything about?

[@blahblahblah4544]

​​@@silentnot4812eah, plus it's okay to love how you look. (Mental health) while working on your physical health. That's what worked for me. Took a looong time to work off the extra weight after pregnancy. I had to develop a healthy mentality myself. When you focus your attention on Hozho (all encompassing health. Spiritual, mental and physical.) It helps a whole lot. Some people are simply sick. And need that mentality health even if the body is acting up.

[@semosancus5506]

@@kirapoodle very, very rare.

[@semosancus5506]

God commands that you treat your body well.

[@kirapoodle]

​@@SarahConnor562For example deformity in your hands or missing a limb. You can't do much about it, you can hate your body and your life can be miserable. People can tell you that you need to accept yourself but it's easier said than done and most people telling you that can't understand what it feels like.

[@corvidaemoon8744]

As a fat girl myself. Saying sorry is something so painfully real. We are sorry for existing, at least that's how I feel. So saying sorry is as breathing for me.

[@DarthFurie]

This breaks my heart. You have nothing to be sorry for. You deserve to be here and deserve to be seen and heard

[@vr8921]

I’m like that too. One time two other people knocked grocery carts and I was just a bystander and I blurted out “i’m sorry!” Yikes. Made me realize how much I apologize for existing.

[@amandasmith3504]

Exactly.

[@LolaDelMarCaribe]

You can love your body while NOT liking how it looks, out of love you make better choices everyday to get your body to a healthy state. So much pressure in society to “pretend” you love your body even when you feel like crap, feeling like crap doesn’t equal love! Make the small changes, don’t think you have to drastically change everything at once, one thing at a time and you WILL see changes.

[@blahblahblah4544]

I disagree. I started losing weight after I decided to love myself through my journey. Body, flaws and all. Hozho. Spiritual, mental and physical health. Mental health is being to look at yourself and decide you're beautiful regardless societal pressure. I'm glad I grew up in a different culture or else I wouldn't know this. It's like building a foundation for yourself. Hopefully it helps as I age as well :)

[@Michael-vc2cs]

I like this. This kinda describes my journey. Loving yourself would be learning how the small things can affect your state and realizing a baby step in a healthy direction should be celebrated. After that you can take the next baby step.

[@jesspavlichenko5745]

What do you do when you're a healthy weight, people consistently compliment you on your appearance, and you still feel like the ugliest person in the world? There's a reason people are calling John for advice and not you

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

Love is not a feeling, it’s a behavior. You “love” your body by making it healthy.

[@harlenkelly7331]

That is factually incorrect, love is a feeling in the same way that sadness, anger is a feeling and the feeling of love can be observed, measured and quantified with brain scans.

[@jellyrcw12]

Love is a verb as much as it is a noun!

[@Cuntspiracy2.0]

@@harlenkelly7331 So what are "acts of love" then? If love is only a feeling, never something that relates to physical, than what is an act of love? Can you express love without acts? I think it's hard for some people to accept that obesity isn't healthy, and they get their heckles up if ever challenged that they could change or take responsibility for it. I personally think coddling people and withholding truth is the opposite of an act of love.

[@jesspavlichenko5745]

If you would actually listen to the words the caller said, you would know that she was a child when she was bigger. Meaning, she was eating the same foods and was raised with the same lifestyle as her sister, but her sisters body responded differently to it. Yeah yeah we get it, work out, eat healthy, blah blah - it 1) doesn't address the fact that people are genetically predisposed to be under, average, or overweight 2) that for someone suffering with this type of disorder, no amount of weight lost or plastic surgeries or make up or hair styles or dressing well will ever make you change how you see yourself. You will find a new flaw to critique because the problem is in your mind.

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

@@jesspavlichenko5745 Nonsense comment.

[@xbjrrtc]

My dad told me, repeatedly, I was "big as a house" starting when I was around 8. Still working through therapy on that one. I was actually afraid to invite him to my wedding because I didn't know if he'd make negative comments and make me feel ugly on my wedding day. Parents and other caretakers have to realize that shaming children or mocking them doesn't make them thinner or healthier. It teaches them to hate themselves and feel that they (literally) can never measure up.

[@heidibonjour]

Ohhh I am so sorry that your parents did that :( I am happy you have therapy. I have also done a lot of therapy etc to heal from eating disorders/ body hatred etc.. I am so much happier now! All the best!

[@lauren4078]

My dad said terrible things to me about my weight AND said extremely vicious things to me about my mother's weight for as long as I can remember until I moved out of the house as an adult. I'm 33 years old, and I still struggle with the effects of this daily. I've measured my self-worth via my weight my entire life. It's horrible. I would never wish it upon anyone. I'm sorry your father treated you that way. I hope you've healed as much as you can. For me, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly leave the effects behind. It sucks. I know for damn sure I will never repeat his mistakes.

[@toscadonna]

@@lauren4078 My father was so incredibly vicious about my mother’s, sister’s, and my weight growing up, and we weren’t even obese. He was. He used to call me a f*cking fat glutton starting at age 7. Then he’d chase me around the neighborhood screaming, “Get the lead out, you fat little girl!” When we’d sit down to watch TV as a family, he’d say, “Its time for fat little girls to exercise!” And he’d sit there on the couch stuffing his face with sandwiches whilst he’d count in military cadence to the exercises we had to do each day. He bought me exercise books by actresses like Raquel Welch. I’m now 47 years old, and every day of my life I’ve woken up wanting to lose weight no matter how thin I’ve been. I always think I’m fat, and my sister is the same way. We are literally insane about our weight and bodies nearly 50 years in. There’s nothing that can erase that tape of him in our heads.

[@heidibonjour]

@@toscadonna SO ABUSIVE! This is not just cruel, it's downright ABUSE ! I'm so sorry that you went through that! I pray you can find good therapy to try to heal from this so that your next 50 years is more peaceful and that you can love your body! All the best to you and your sis!

[@lauren4078]

@@toscadonna That is so terrible. I am so sorry to hear that. I feel for you. No child deserves to be treated that way, let alone by their father who is supposed to be their ultimate protector. It's even more disturbing that he was the one who had weight and nutrition issues, and he totally projected that onto you and your sisters. I really hope you've been able to find some semblance of peace with yourself when it comes to your weight and how you look. Full disclosure, I am soooo much happier since I had liposuction, but I still struggle with eating and body image. After I have children, I plan on getting surgery to "fix up" my postpartum body, and the way I feel about it is if it makes me feel better and helps me feel more at peace with my body, then the cost and recovery are worth it. It's a shame, but as you know -- this mentality and set of worries will very likely never leave us. Hugs.

[@meiwa2020]

I needed this. Thank you merlanda for being brave enough to do this call ❤️ I've hated myself much of my life too. So much of what you said resonated within me. It's so so so hard to confront the fact that you just wish you were someone else and finally feel of worth. I'm highly successful in life: married, beautiful son, amazing job that I was in training for literally over a decade. I accomplished my dreams but even here, I'm still me and deep down I still just don't like me much of the time and it really is so so so exhausting.

[@blahblahblah4544]

My momma told me I was beautiful when I was being bullied. It helps so much. I hope people learn that.

[@lilolmecj]

The best advice I can offer is never trash talk yourself! Any time you are tempted to say anything unkind about yourself, stop. Turn it 180 degrees and find something kind to say instead. Obviously you are a hard working and diligent person to work ten years for training! You should really respect yourself for that, as well as all the really good things about yourself.💕

[@amc3964]

🥰

[@hushingsilence]

Things that helped my Mom a *lot*. We didn't go to the gym. We started exploring Botanical Gardens, Easy hiking trails. We started looking for things like bird feathers or unusual pine cones. That made moving our bodies fun, interesting. Do 15 minutes a day. Every other day. Fall off a few days? No problem, go on another little hike. Learning to love yourself is a process. It's ok to feel bad, but treat yourself as gently as possible. You deserve to occupy your place in life the same as everyone else. You deserve to live your life as happy as you can. It's YOUR life. Do the best you can to make it a good one. Hugs.

[@blueStarKitt7924]

❤❤❤

[@ek5384]

She broke my heart for real. I’ve fulfilled some seriously tough goals in my life, after all I’ve done I still consider weight control number one of my list. The worst part is that unlike other addictions you can’t quit food, you have to indulge but not too much. It’s just a hot mess. I truly feel for what she’s going through.

[@whitney187]

A major first step was saying out loud how she feels about herself and her body. I can't emphasize enough how big of a step in the right direction that is. Merlanda (I hope I spelled your name right 😬), you will do great things, including learning to love yourself while learning to take care of your physical health. I have the highest confidence you have the power to change your self-perception. I have been through the same negative mindset toward myself, until I asked myself some serious questions. It's a long journey, but well worth it. You find out just how extremely strong and tough you are underneath it all. God be with you, love! ❤️

[@grandmasewhappyhomestead187]

I needed to hear this. My family judges me. I had to heal from people telling me that if I was thinner my ex would not of cheated and left me. What a lie I believed for years. I had to learn hoe much the Lord loved me. I had been a Christian my whole life but battled the voices of negativity towards me and weight. I still battle weight but feel better about me than I used too. Dr John thank you for sharing this. I appreciate your wisdom. Looking at this different even today.

[@jeanneadams7635]

OMG... Merlanda you are amazingly courageous for bringing this topic to Dr John. I'm 56 years old and have felt this way my entire life! The horrible part for me is I wasn't overweight as a kid or in high school, I just physically developed earlier that most my age at the time. But I believed my family and siblings calling me fat and I became a closet eater so I could eat in peace without being called horrible names. I still have horrible self talk, which I'm working hard to stop and this episode is helping me tremendously. Thank you, Dr. John you are awesome and I wish I knew about this podcast when it first started in 2020, I just started listening in 2024. 😊

[@gmbiasco]

100% needed - thank you for being open and vulnerable. So many of us struggle with this issue every day and it almost ALWAYS feels like we're alone in the struggle. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and an AMAZING person. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS

[@madeline2995]

This one hits hard. I've spent the last year trying to build better habits. Learning to ignore those voices in my head every time I eat something saying "Are you going to eat that?" "That's unhealthy" I've realized that a lot of my weight fluctuations come from punishing myself. When I'm not punishing myself, I reward myself. That's a difficult habit to break when you see 80 lbs come off within a year doing it. It will come back. I'm constantly fighting with my mind to not just stop eating and drop the weight. The memory of my grandpa saying "So and so was a big girl but she grew out of it." And the times o heard the whispers from other family telling my mom they were concerned about me at the age of 8 while I was running around, being a kid. It sticks forever. For parents, watch how you speak to your children. And protect them from others that don't. Encourage balance and healthy habits. Not punishment via food and self-deprecating thoughts while enjoying a treat.

[@shawnlove4502]

That's so deep. I can agree that weight fluctuations can come from punishing ourselves. I do this alot. I lose a few pounds and feel great. Then I just gorge food, knowing that I'm encouraging those bad habits. It's a terrible cycle.

[@sunside7]

We love you Merlanda ❤️

[@JamesBond-lt5tr]

Reaching out for help is one of the most strongest things a person can do. It’s hard admitting when we can’t do something on our own. I am the worst at accepting help offered by others and have been working on saying yes more than no; it takes practice, one opportunity at a time. Merlanda, you’ve got this! I imagine you have a team of people ready to stand beside you and walk this journey with you😊

[@amiblack8294]

As a sister in Christ, I want to remind you that YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU. I know exactly how you feel, Merlanda. I didn't want to learn to love a sick, bloated, unhealthy, prediabetic body so I took control of it. I was so sick and tired of the constant guilt, self loathing that just fed the cycle of overeating that I did something about it. First month eat NO CARBS, NO SUGAR and do INTERMITTENT FASTING. You don't have to exercise at ALL to lose weight, but once you lose enough you're going to find you have more energy and you'll want to do something even if it's just walking. You can do this-you've done hard things before and you can do THIS. Go and get your life back, girl. You deserve it.

[@nancygamez7087]

Stop comparing yourself. You are enough and worthy of love. Self love is hard to do. You can lose weight but cannot change a nasty personality. You sound like a sweet person. Sending a virtual hug in support.

[@Sylveonny233]

merlanda is me. this felt like you were talking to me dr john and it was very helpful. thankyou to dr john and also to merlanda for sharing her story.

[@ccelms6581]

This conversation was sooooooooooooo helpful for me! Oh my goodness! Thank you Dr. Delony!❤ I’m starting a business as a health coach. (I’ve been in the fitness industry for YEARS, but I wanted to do more.) I want to get into the heads of people who want to lose weight as much as I can so that I can have stronger empathy and insight into their situation. Honestly, my #1 question has always been how to coach people to love THEMSELVES all the way to health because I’ve had many clients who did not e en like themselves and my heart broke for them. But John, duuuuude, you’re brilliant! You hit so many nails on the head! This was helpful for me when I have these clients! I will remember your words, my brother!

[@mariad9126]

John - Please write your next book on this Topic. This was a powerful and amazing call.

[@lauragarcia3510]

John, I love listening to you. You are such a genuine human being. You can relate to your listeners and your advice comes from your experience as well as your knowledge. You are a compassionate and caring person. Keep being you!

[@DoughDashCrew]

THIS!!! ❤

[@DrMuffins354]

You don’t need self love. You need self discipline. Love and respect for yourself will follow

[@doesnotFempute]

As someone who was obese since childhood and has lost 120 lbs on my own, my experience is that "loving myself" first came from improving my health. Watching the scale go down is great. But what made me feel really powerful was getting off blood pressure meds. Improving my A1c from 6.5 to 5.4 in 3 months. Getting off metformin. Watching my TSH level and synthroid dose go down (something doctors told me would never happen). I had to stop obsessing about my appearance and start putting in the work to get results that really mattered - my health. I've lost basically a whole person and still have 20 more to go. I'm still just as insecure with my body. I have saggy skin. My glorious, big round bu++ got up and walked away. It hurts to sit on a hard surface now. No boobs whatsoever. I still automatically classify myself as being the biggest in the room. I don't know if that goes away. I'm always going to think of myself as a big person taking up more space than I deserve. But there comes a point where you just shove those thoughts aside and start living your life.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah the flat boobs are my only gripe… for myself anyway. Thank god for great bra’s!❤

[@doesnotFempute]

​@@SarahConnor562 thanks! I've actually started to do some of those, but I have a lot of core work to do because of a prolapsed bladder (yay) and that part is very time consuming. I've always worked fairly strenuous jobs, so it was kind of surprising how much muscle I lost. I now do PSMF 2 days a week as well.

[@michaelh2282]

Great job! Keep it up! Unlike the garbage popular culture teaches about unconditional self-acceptance, true self-confidence comes from the experience of taking on meaningful challenges and overcoming them, and thus knowing you have the ability to control your own life and future.

[@DNA350ppm]

What about training with Lucy Wyndham-Read and her YT videos? She has no punishing attitude at all, just pick a video and do a few minutes if you can, or try another. A little more every week. At home, just for yourself, but you'll be encouraged and you'll make progress. No judgements, only health in mind. There are videos like: sitting core, 10 min heart and walk, 12 min low impact high intensity, hundreds of others to choose from... Just start with a warming up and a few minutes adapted to what feels good, not overdoing anything. Lucy WR is really devoted - as a young girl she was engaged, but he tragically died, since then she lives to help others improve their health, including mental health, through exercise and life-style - it is all very gentle and often times a lesson just flies.

[@RealGalaxyGamers]

Like other people have said, love yourself. You don’t need to love your body all the time - no one does. Love yourself enough to get healthy. It’s hard, but realizing you need to love yourself, as a person, and not as just a clump of flesh is hard.

[@wjpugh]

This caller resonates with me and I’m sure a lot of other people

[@SL-pe5fz]

One of the best counseling sessions!

[@AshleyLebedev]

Merlanda, I was 119. I got Lyme disease and it’s MANY complications and found myself go from hot 29 year old to over 120 pounds up. I’m so sorry and understand this immensely. I had partners leave me for not having a working cell, mitochondria or metabolism, and insulin problems. It broke me to see how I was somehow expendable sick by years long partners while I was literally dying. But here’s my feedback, YOU HAVE TO love yourself no matter what. You have to put society down and make peace with your own value. Heal why you aren’t keeping self healthy and what’s hurting you and then heal your relationship with your body and then get healthy for NOONE but you. In my life as a person who did get so sick I would give ANYTHING to be able to move and do cardio again. Many who are sick cannot. My body is sick but yours is in your mind in that you feel you don’t have any value because you are letting others define this. I have had all the same thoughts especially sinec I was so “pretty” for my whole life until the 10 years I got sick. I felt same - people assume it’s lazy, tell you it’s ugly, tell you they don’t want or like you, that you’re a slob. Screw them. Buck society. Help yourself for YOU. Overweight isn’t healthy but you are BEAUTIFUL. And so am I and so are everyone. Accept your body and thank it for housing your soul. Go on the journey that heals what keeps you sick. I hold your hands and send you the most supporting hand hold. And I will continue to. YOU ARE NOT LESS. you didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. Society can be cruel, but you can choose if you are cruel to yourself. I always told myself when I healed I’d get back out of a bed and lose it ALL when my cells and insulin worked again. And I’m so excited for that. Make your beautiful body healthy to match your beautiful insides. I truly know what you’ve gone through and I send love and support to you on your many layered healing journey till the end of time. Take the bull by the horns. Love yourself enough to do this. x

[@JustBeingAwesome]

This is heartbreaking. I want to give her a big hug. You love your body by appreciating what it offers you: it allows you to hug people, kiss them, walk, discover the world, taste things, see things, etc. You are God's incarnation on earth. You are a soul in a body. Start treating it as such: with love, with aw, with wonder, with kindness and tenderness, with patience. Start walking 5000-8000-10.000 steps every day and start FEELING the wonder that you ARE every day. Start looking in the mirror and say "I am lovable, in any shape because I'm divine". Start feeding yourself with high nutrition whole foods. Not because "you have to" but because it FEEDS you high energy and lightness. Start there ❤ Big hug.

[@marlynsantos9677]

Absolutely love this episode. Dr. John hit it on the head, the path to health starts in the mind and with love. That involves emotional, physical, and spiritual. Unfortunately, society places a high value on superficial things but the most important thing is how we view ourselves. The body will follow... with good habits and consistency. We see so many extremes, the crazy fitness influencers that really just had surgery to look a certain way and the other side body positivity with glorifying obesity. Either extremes are not healthy. I'm finally learning and I'm content and hopeful about my future.

[@jennifert2953]

You can be beautiful at any size. And I’m so sorry your mother said those things. I cried with you friend.

[@wonder12374]

Here is the thing about loving your body..you can't love just parts of yourself. You have to love yourself totally inside and out. You know what happens when you truly start to love yourself??? You stop over eating and abusing yourself and start wanting to take care of yourself (exercising, eating right, putting the right things inside and on your body). The work begins with changing your mind about who you are first. Unfortunately, because it takes work to go the road of self love and its not instant many people today fake love and cover up the feelings of self hate by just over eating and starting montras around body Positivity.

[@Inputdonutz]

I feel for this lady! Sending positive vibes. Love yourself enough to make a change and you can't hate your body fit because you'll eventually gain the weight back. Just know that everybody is different and we're not all meant to be then. Not all fat cells are the same from person to person

[@SofiUk0319]

Please trust me, I've had a horrible opiate addiction for years! I'm 305 days clean tday, still carry quite a bit of shame and regret! I look at myself and see the damage done, but you know what they are now my war scars and I have to carry them like a badge, because they are there to remind me of where I've been. Plz do not think thin ppl have it together, because some of us are just barely hanging on!! I love you and want you to love yourself more ❤️ treasure a beautiful smile and a healthy glow!!

[@michaelh2282]

As much as I can't stand Delony's oftentimes obnoxiously gynocentric stances regarding conflicts in male/female marriages, Delony is an absolute master in these self-improvement situations. He handled this beautifully, not by giving the cowardly but popular, "accept and love yourself for who you are," but rather explaining that "you're worth having a life better than what you currently have." I can't imagine any public professional handling this situation any better.

[@pinkchilldivestmentor]

I give her credit for being honest a lot of people who are big like that are not being honest because if you love something you’re gonna take care of it

[@amc3964]

Made me cry. Bless this woman- a sweetheart.

[@bapbirb]

I have body dysmorphia and I really feel heartbroken with her. I know that feeling of having uncontrollable tears come out of you when you're trying to talk about your body. I stayed apathetic for a long time after struggling for a long time because I thought it would be better for me to be emotionless and completely distanced from who I am. I indulged in meaningless distractions like media,youtube, games etc.. I neglected myself even more in the process, and it came to a point where I really did feel and look like a monster when I saw myself in the mirror. I thought I found a way to stop my pain, but reality was that I was just trying to avoid it without treating it. I let it rot inside me. Now I feel so distanced from everything as if I wasn't meant to have a place on this earth. I know it sounds like an excuse, but because my mind was too preoccupied with what my bdd made me think about, I never had the space to think about anything else. I cannot make long term goals.. And that left me friendless, jobless, no hobby.. nothing. The only thing that makes me somewhat happy at the moment is my dog and funny videos on youtube. I feel like the biggest loser because I really am... Now most of my misery comes not from bdd, but from shame, guilt, and worthlessness. Sorry this comment is just all about me.. but I think I know what Miranda feels and she doesn't even need to voice it out to me. I get that exhaustion and moments of utter hopelessness. I also appreciate that Dr. John seems to be emotionally engaged in this call while giving his advice. Alot of people really struggle alot with insecurities and sense of worthlessness because of their appearance, and Im beginning believe its a mental disease caused by society. When we dig deeper, we realise it doesn't necessarily stem from us but from societal pressure and also depression. For a long time, I believed that I had bdd only because I wasnt pretty enough. But after learning about myself, I realised that I have obsessive tendencies and high risk of having anxiety/depression ever since I was very young. Im still unwell and non functional now. But hopefully I'll get better after gaining more insights through learning..

[@Black_Samurai-fish]

Take care of yourself and you’ll be much happier. ❤

[@Nick-ji4se]

Generally, we don't love things that we don't take care of. You don't like your body and few other people do. Change that and your life will be exponentially better

[@IFBBProYeo]

You don't love your body. But you practice living yourself! You know you will be we love the shape you're in.. but you have to LOVE YOURSELF on the way there! You don't have to pretend to love the shape. You don't have to accept it. Bc you know it isn't right! Or healthy! But loving YOU is going to be the steps! It's been too long, and you have never loved it. This is your Everest. We all have one. Please, call a great coach! That is self love! You don't have to do this alone! You can break through this!! You don't need meds, you need a human. 🥰 You are a great person!!! And you know you're SICK of this life!!!! Instead of putting energy into acceptance that you know is not genuine, put that energy into building yourself a new life! You will inspire hundreds of others, And find a new love for yourself that you have wanted all this time! 💛💛💛

[@carolbrasket7119]

As a person overweight my whole life, now 66 and have all the health problems because of my younger days, the big question, is she ready for change , for her health today and her tomorrows, over eating is more than over eating, very complicated as a person who has traveled this road for 50 plus years

[@birdania7]

This was so powerful and encouraging! I’ve had body issues since a teacher gr. 5 asked me if I was too big for the chair I was sitting in ( after I broke it when I leaned back). I was thin, but I became too aware of my body since then. I also developed disordered eating later on. Today I am a healthy eater, a runner but still working on loving my body. Getting better one day at a time. ❤

[@mrhoffame]

Sad, but very common. I think what Melanda (awesome name!!) needs to do if forget about "Loving" your body, and start "HONORING" you body for Christ. Honor the body and health that Christ has given you, because something tells me is she eats a tad healthier, works out a tad bit more, and slowly starts changing her stories ALL to honor God...not only will she look and feel better, but it will happen from a place of power with Christ receiving the glory for the changes in her life and she will become spiritually and physically healthier and stronger.

[@paigenicholespeaks6172]

Being overweight is never the problem. It's a solution to another problem. She needs to figure out what caused the weight gain in the first place. Address the root cause and the weight will go down. The subconscious often views extra weight as a form of protection. When it's getting unsafe, it'll gain weight. Women who have been sexually abused are more likely to be overweight. When we hate bodies, we tend to want to punish it, which will do no good because at that point we'll never love it regardless of our size.

[@ilai7893]

Well executed Dr John, esp. the part about viewing exercise a gift (after the comments to improve her self image). Hope she finds success on her journey to a positive self image and to health without veering off into this day and age's body positivity movement

[@valerieodonnell6764]

You don’t have to be fat to hate your body, lots of thin people do too. It isn’t about weight it’s about self esteem.

Agree!!!

[@Black_Samurai-fish]

That’s true, but being unhealthy and out of shape will bring down your self esteem.

[@cg741graf5]

Thank you!!!!

[@melissam7067]

@@Black_Samurai-fish unhealthy and out of shape are 2 different things. you can be thin and unhealthy and fat and unhealthy.

[@aakk009]

I know what it’s like to hate my body at a higher weight than I wanted. You hear the phrase “love your body,” and it can be hard to live out. The word that moved me was “respect”… “respect my body.” It helped me to eat better, work out consistently and better resist overeating. “Love” and “hate” seemed very loaded to me. So “respect” helped me surrender to what I thought normal weight people did (workout and eat recommended amounts)-I was so desperate to quit and bingeing and the restricting cycle, that I didn’t care what my body ultimately looked like. I lost the weight I wanted to. Anyone who’s reading this -I believe in you, too!

[@trixie9777]

🙏🏼♥️🙏🏼 I like that “respect” my body 👍🏼 thank you.

[@Nicole-dp5ks]

Merlanda! I don’t know you but you sound so sweet and I wish I did. ❤

[@ethxo6734]

Going to the gym and being disciplined about what you eat is hard. But so is being obese. It’s clearly caused you mental anguish for most of you life. When will enough be enough. You know the cause of your suffering. Love your body enough to lose the weight.

[@JerryStevens]

"I can't hate myself into long-term behavioral change." - John Delony. I'm fit but I'm not perfect so I get that.

[@evelyn9835]

I am her.

[@jesusismyking3434]

Same

[@cjlive5182]

Great call. May I suggest reformer pilates to start with exercise-wise. I started in Dec and love it. It’s very relaxing yet you’re doing core work and stretching. All ages, shapes, and sizes- just modify to your level. It has helped me meet me where I am instead of ignoring the weight issue or hating myself. It’s worth it!

[@SeanGunz]

I strongly believe physical and mental health are intertwined

[@thehonesthiker]

I see this in two ways. First and foremost, NO ONE is "less than" because of the way they look. We're all made of the same decaying matter and we're all human beings. That said, most of the time, weight is a choice. There's a lot of beating around the bush when it comes to weight and Dr. John hit the nail on the head with liking yourself and the results will follow. I won’t touch on that because he already said the right things. However, from experience on the other end of the spectrum, I hated my body 6 months ago. I've always been a tall, skinny dude. Went through the workout phase in college and got big, then lost it all after college and got skinny again. For whatever reason, recently I got bombarded with comments of how I was going to blow away with the wind, nobody would want to choose me to protect them in a fight, how I needed to eat more, basically every comment that digs into the core of what being a man is. For some reason it's acceptable to make fun of people to their face for their weight if they're skinny but not if they're fat, but I digress. That said, I made a conscious decision after the 823rd comment that maybe they were right. I knew I was skinny, I didn’t like the way I felt, I felt weak around people, and they were right, I probably couldn’t protect them if something happened. I also realized that lying to myself by saying "oh yeah I want to be this weight because it's easier to do backpacking trips at this weight” or whatever else I tried to say was just that, a lie. So, I researched like a mad man and went grocery shopping that day and joined a gym that day. Now, 4 months later, I’m getting all sorts of positive comments of how I obviously go to the gym and I feel a million times better mentally. I want this lady to fix her mental problems that are the underlying cause of the initial weight gain, but also don’t listen to society saying “hey, your body is ok just the way it is!” because you know deep down it’s not. We all want to be healthy and look good, and “good” isn’t as subjective as the 21st century has made it out to be. You can do this, one day at a time.

[@olgasuner999]

There is nothing wrong to not liking how you look it can be your body, your features etc.. that’s why gastric bypass exists so do other plastic surgeries. You are not a victim you are a Victor which means you have to take steps day by day to achieve the body you desire. If you need to start with gastric bypass I personally seen it with few of the people I used to work with and the results are incredible. Not only they look happy but feel good about the body they’re in. Get on a healthy diet start walking , exercising and slow by slow you will see the results. Don’t expect results overnight give yourself a grace and with consistency you will get to your end goals. Keep your spirit strong never let anyone break it and that’s the secret to anyone’s success.

[@cathyosullivan718]

I notice the treadmill is very helpful in dropping weight. You don’t have to run on it, just start off slowly and raise the intensity a little each day. You can eventually power walk on it. It’s not hard. You can even watch tv on it so it’s not boring and the work out is over before you know it. I know people who ride their bikes too and it seems like a fun way to keep off weight.

[@reesercliff]

I remember when I was in highschool my history teacher lost like 100 lbs over summer break lol, his secret he played Halo on his treadmill every day all day long lol😂

[@themarkus6472]

i always thought that i could eventually get in shape. but I wasted alot of time lieing to myself. I would sometimes watch weight loss videos but not act on anything. i agreed with with my therapist that i would use reliable sources to lose weight. it helps more. I still struggle but the reality for me is that I need to eat whole foods and to control my urges for fast food.

[@blahblahblah4544]

As someone whose been athletic, fat and bedridden. It's important to only focus on health. Not vanity. So that means learning how to love and appreciate yourself regardless what state you're in. In my culture we call it Hozho. Spiritual, mental and physical health. All encompassing health. That includes looking in the mirror and appreciating, having joy of how you look. Flaws and all. If you're the kind of person that is kind to others in that manner, transfer that kindness to yourself. If you live in a vain society, go study other societies that aren't as vain. It's important to try to eat healthy and workout where you can. Not because of bad mentality. (I'm a hideous fat gremlin..personal experience) but more because of the objective health benefits. Serotonin. Balanced hormones. Etc. Our doctors in the healthcare system aren't taught about nutrition. Maybe go to your local organic store and study what they eat. Or go watch KZbin videos that use food as a means of becoming healthy. All these things are lifestyle changes. Just take one step at a time. Loving and appreciating yourself. And there seems to be an exercise for all people. Just takes some time to discover it. One day you'll look back, realizing you're a whole new person ♥️

[@DNA350ppm]

Every woman needs to learn to take good care of her own body and mind - life happens to us and we will not have the faintest chance to look like an 18 year old model how ever much money we would spend on that futile goal in vain. That's not the meaning of life. Now this grandma is going to look up Hozho and learn from that. Thanks for the tip! Life is very interesting, always, if we gently and kindly remind us of that, keepin' eyes and ears and minds open. And off I go!

[@blahblahblah4544]

@@DNA350ppm I don't know if you'll find it on the internet. Hopefully you do. Hozho has been used very loosely for a while. (Like for healthcare or sports centers.) But much of what Navajos did people do all over the world. Cold therapy. Hot therapy. Probiotics. Sunshine. Moving every day. Plus looking at yourself and being thankful is our own choice. Currently I'm afraid of aging but I think it's something I'll accept. I always find people's healthy attitude towards life and if they are loving and gentle. People who do that are more attractive to me then people who are mean. Doesn't matter how they look.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@blahblahblah4544 Walk in harmony and beauty. That's what I found. There truly is beauty everywhere, still. Harmony can be a personal goal to share. That's beautiful!

[@myfairlahey5738]

Fun fact: I've had a beautiful body for years. Lucky me. Now I'm aging and I don't care. In fact I could be fitter but I'm more concerned about the things that matter in life: career; family; happiness about other things. I'm a little too lax about my body now.

[@DoughDashCrew]

Man you’re GOOD at this!!

[@toscadonna]

Pretend that you love your body. Feed and exercise your body as if you’re one of the people that loves their body. Do this long enough, and eventually, you will love your body. Love is also a verb-not just a feeling.

[@princessl.d.g.]

I'm considered skinny by many people. I eat healthily and stay active, but I still suffer from body insecurities.

[@brendamoon2660]

If this lady looses 130 pounds she is not going to feel better. There is always something to compare yourself to if that's what you want to do.

[@brendamoon2660]

@juicysmoolietssubwaysammich it will no doubt make her feel better physically but it won't stop her self hatred. That will roll right over to the next thing. She will be like all the ex smokers who pick up another bad habit

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

I disagree. She’ll be much healthier when she loses the weight. You’re talking about appearance.

[@christinahek]

You’re totally right. This isn’t about appearance at this point. That could change, but if she feels less than and compares herself, being thin isn’t going to change that.

[@kamarwashington]

This is slightly misguided. A person is worthy of love because they’re made in the image of God. Not because of the things that they do or provide. Our cultural idea of self love is toxic and based on superficial things. Is a person suddenly not worthy of love once they stop being good leaders and serving their church? We’ve got to be rooted in non-fleeting things

[@IAMNArtGirl]

How does lying to myself help me? If you’re telling me to look back to a moment where I initially thought I was ugly, examining myself even more closely in the moment is NOT going to change my mind. Lying to myself about something that is actually a reality is not going to help me like myself any better. How can I do that?

[@louprevost1467]

this guy is a fucking angel

[@emmawilkins5755]

Your body type doesn't define the person you are. You can be honest, hard working, kind, generous, loving etc at any size. Also if you can see, hear, walk, feel the sun on your face, enjoy music, read, talk etc your body is amazing! Also and very importantly, size doesn't necessarily equal happiness. There are plenty of unhappy slim people. Im fat and it took me a while to realise. You sound like a pretty cool person to me!

[@andreanease4215]

People think losing weight is as simple as calorie restriction and exercise. They blame the fat person as being gluttonous or lazy. From personal experience I can say most of us are overweight because of an inflammatory response. I went from obese class 1 to normal bmi after removing the foods that were inflammatory to my body and at the same time killing off hidden chronic infections in my body. (I had done all the other advice on diet and exercise before to no avail). I lost 90 pounds eating six ribeyes a day (more calories than before) and zero exercise (the most I got was pushing a shopping cart full of meat at the store). I was in a good place for several years. Then, I contracted another illness that almost killed me also damaged my body in a way that effected my hormones. Now I’m overweight again, and absolutely nothing I’m doing is working. I am confident it’s not because of a lack of self control or effort on my part, because I know what I’m doing. There’s something wrong in my body that I’m unable to fix (unless the right expert doctor fell into my lap). I live in an area where there no good doctors. They are in the bigger cities and travel and cost are unrealistic. So I’m stuck again after learning to love my body the first time, and being big again is harder than it was originally because I know now what I lost. I was also abused as a child and my abuser used to tease me about being chubby. So that certainly doesn’t help either.

[@jojokeane]

You would never treat anyone badly for having an imperfect body, Merlanda, so why are you treating yourself so poorly? Stop. You're already on the path to get healthier because here we are.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Hmm… I feel very much this way but not for the same reasons. I appear “normal” to those around me, but I am not. I was sexually abused for years as a young child. I learned from around 4-5 that my worth as a person revolved around sex appeal. If I wasn’t sexy I wasn’t worth anything. Abused by 4 different males 15-40’s beginning around 4 until 12/13. Somehow I managed to stuff that self disgust and self hatred down so tightly. Clinging to my fractured sense of faith and morality so tightly it tortured me. My husband is only now decades later only beginning to know the person I really am underneath all the guises. Not because I hid it from him but rather that I hid from myself. I’m left with scares of a lifetime of self hatred but they will not take any more of my life. They are lies and lies will not own me anymore.❤

[@SaystheTruth3]

I'm sooo proud of you! ♥️ You sound like an amazing person and will rise above everything you've been through. Best of luck to you ! 🙂

[@carissaprice4373]

There may be some trauma to deal with here. Eating is a form of medication. Like using substances. And so getting trauma counselling would probably be super beneficial. Also the pressure to be thin is always present no matter your size. Always present.

[@jaimepersons]

Dr Delony team, can you folks do the intro without Dave Ramsey intro song?

[@DNA350ppm]

One of the cruellest things is to be punished by being sentenced to feel hungry "all the time", because you've "deserved punishment" by "causing your overweight yourself, stupid"! That is what my beloved friend, let's call her Eliza, was bogged down with. I tried to help her, but I apparently had no influence in the long run (only as long as we studied in the same town and country) - we lost track of each other. Life happened for both of us. Probably she really didn't believe me, but I did love her, I opened up to her, was vulnerable with her, and she was incredible cute and charming, and when she looked at me it was like "full connection". She withdrew from me not interested in a long distance connection over letters and telephone. We could never sort it out.

[@melissam7067]

Caller pls consider listening to maintenance phase podcast in addition to Dr. John.

[@carriebarragan1330]

I'm so sorry you grew up with this pain . From the moment I was born my mom never gave me a chance . She said as I was growing up and got older . Oh I thought if you were a girl you would never measure up to your sister .when I was young I was skinny and I think I was cute . But my mother has always said in some way that she was better than me. She said I didn't like school because the teachers would compare to my sister . They never day Did . My mom a d my grandmother would say my sister was so beautiful and smart even if I was the only one there a d then look at me and oh she is too. Thing is she has modified herself many times , and basically lives on diet pills even though she is super skinny . I am no longer skinny . My mom is elderly now a d o am the one to take care of her . She has told so many people my medical issues a d that's why I keep gaining weight . Ther last time - she told my son Can you believe your mother would so big . My sister was also totally spoiled. One example my parents bought her a brand new car - that she picked out . I got a family car and would have been happy just to have the air fixed and a paint job I had to pay for that. Ofcourse we grew stuff a d silent. We put it to the side . Ky mom said you dealt so could with it all . So I am so sorry . I know how it feels .

[@aarich119]

Merlanda I'm with you 💝🩷🙏🏾

[@Jill4200]

I feel her I’m in the same boat rn

[@joebriggs5781]

There's a middle ground of feeling empathy for her and really letting her know she's gotta do what it takes to lose the weight. But I get it, it's hard. I don't eat super healthy, I also don't eat junk constantly but i exercise and play sports a lot so I'm still in good shape. If I only exercised the amount a regular person does, I'd probably be pretty fat because my diet isn't great. So I can understand the struggle with food, I haven't really conquered that, I just get enough exercise to cancel it out. She needs to create some momentum. A sedentary lifestyle makes your body want to be sedentary even more. If you start a regime of exercising every day, your body will want for you to do it everyday. Taking that first step is the hardest thing though.

[@chereeburtner4659]

Talk to medical professionals. They have new injections for weight loss that might help you. Weight is sometimes a brain disorder. Please see a doctor and talk about options. It's not always the same metabolic process for everyone.

[@Mral236d]

Love yourself enough to lose the weight and get healthier. You should feel shame if you get super overweight. That’s literally the motivation to lose it.

[@justinzurita3811]

This was a profound to watch....this person is me. This advice is going to change my world for the better.

[@LDrosophila]

I lost 150lbs and I still hate my body

[@marrietvisser6195]

I have never been so stupid on anxiety medicine. It ruined my memory.

[@ares7187]

She shouldn’t like her body at 160lbs overweight. It’s so dangerous and so unhealthy. Instead of this woke culture saying it’s acceptable. Make better choices. And this is from someone who has also struggled but made the change.

[@franackerman2994]

Most of this crap comes from childhood trauma, addiction to dopamine, self soothing because no one was there to soothe us as children, abuse she learned that she was less than, sometimes we use the weight/food addiction as a smoke screen to avoid deep, deep hurts

[@gorgeousprincess332]

Absolutely.

[@sugar-free-2centz]

You have a food addiction. You shouldn't learn to love a body that is that overweight. Deal with your food addiction and maladaptive eating patterns, lose the weight. Treat yourself like you're worth it!

[@katerina1558]

You can't love your self and killing it from the inside! You have to love your self enough to want what is the best for you! Not what is convenient and easy!

[@chippedcup]

If she’s obese, isn’t it okay to hate the weight and strive be healthier? Is she asking to reprogram the rational part of her brain to love the fat?

[@nikkita1688]

I didnt hear that at all. It's a mind over matter thing. Constantly going back and forth in your mind with trying to be positive when you don't believe it. She needs the pressure taken off so she can handle the physical stuff. There may be many contributing factors like genes, the suddenly very common thyroid problems, etc. Keeping her stuck

[@deventayal7680]

The real thing is to not love it lol and get walking or in the gym my self included lol

[@Loljjkb]

Whatever excuse you tell yourself the calories coming from somewhere. Go see a doctor and start doing something. Everyone loves to eat yummy food but some of us have to put it down for better health.

[@phyllis9750]

Same dad?

[@jaypal3815]

Peace? No. You have to be furious

[@erikq9788]

As an ex obese person the only way to be happy with your body is to not be obese. Everything else is a cope. No one finds you attractive if you’re overweight, people respect you less, and you hate yourself. You’ll never find happiness being overweight. The positive side is that it’s totally doable. You just have to do it.

[@karahvasquez9735]

But how? Low fat,low carb, low sugar, low calories?

[@erikq9788]

@@karahvasquez9735 everyone’s body is different. Some people might be better eating higher fat some people eating higher carb. For me I track my calories and eat a low fat diet. Look up Greg Doucette I follow his diet for years and it’s worked for me. But at the end of the day is calories in calories out. You have to find a diet that can sustain you for the long term. No crash diets. I tried keto, vegan, low carb, high carb, everything. I finally found a diet that worked for me and I stuck to it. Anyone that’s obese and think it can’t be done is only lying to themselves.

[@erikq9788]

@@karahvasquez9735 it’s not easy but anyone can do it. You just have to have determination. And contrary to Deloney’s advice you shouldn’t hate your body but you should absolutely hate how you feel. The fatigue, the constant knee and back pain, the clothes not fitting, no one finding you attractive. It’s impossible to deny being overweight is detrimental to you no amount of self love will cure that. Nothing is wrong with being a little overweight but no one who is morbidly obese is genuinely happy with themselves and they never will be.

[@thejakelegion]

I'm severely overweight and I hate my body. I don't WANT to love my body this way. STOP with body positivity.

[@santafilipina9020]

As a boxer, I train for strength and speed and NOT to lose weight (I must admit I never had a body weight issue). The weight loss and recomp will come naturally if do have some pounds to shed. I hope that this mindset helps.

[@oksanam3663]

Those onion-cutting ninjas!