How Do I Stay Attracted to My Aging Spouse?

[@thewatcher4552]

Stop looking at porn, younger women, culture shallow beauty ect...This is a great question IMO. From personally being molested as a child by women and men. I can tell you the enemy looks to exploit our brokenness in any kind of way he can. Look around we are bombarded with a distorted, perverted view of beauty especially women. So thank God for this question!

[@dbrowning75]

Love your comment. 😊

[@Greg_J]

Well said, brother 👍

[@22thinker]

Thank you for your comment! My husband has intimately left me alone for about 15 years because of pornography and his attraction to much younger females. I too was heavily molested as a young child. It’s nice when a man can say what you said here, thank you again. Lord bless you

[@kanizfatima3447]

May god bless u

[@sarahalderman3126]

Love your comment! As a woman who was also molested and raped by both men and women as a small child and ended up marrying a porn addict. It has thoroughly destroyed me for far too long. I have finally come to the conclusion that I must transition to a celibate lifestyle. I don’t want to especially because I am still so young and feel the desire so strongly. However the deep pain that comes from being judged so harshly and found so absolutely deficent, evidenced by the fact that my husband chooses porn over our marriage. He is the father of my children and a good provider so I have much to be thankful for. I want to honor him and give myself to him but I cannot do so if he is unfaithful. He has dishonored me and discarded me already through his choices. I have no choice but to put my own desires to sleep and focus on my children.

[@eva-mariacoughlin9456]

I am so blessed, my husband tells me all the time how beautiful I am and how he loves me. He loves the Lord and is most loyal man all the 41 years we are married. He cried for joy on our wedding day!

[@faithdefender5186]

The longer I'm with my wife, the more I couldn't imagine not having her as my love. Marriage is a blessing.

[@thewatcher4552]

Lord thank you for goodness, true love, marriage, my wife, my daughter, and family your holy word!

[@joehouston2833]

Do you like curvy women?

[@angelomanzi9272]

This is a tough question to ask and I am glad he had the courage to do so. Even though many will find this particular topic both offensive and baffling to the mind... people need to bring their concerns to light no matter how big or small it may be. We live in a fallen world that has warped our minds into seeking after the wrong things. This is the perfect opportunity for God to shine his perfect perspective on the topic through his Holy Word. The first step towards overcoming is always honesty, glad he came clean on this one!

[@22thinker]

@Beth Cavin Love your comment, Lord bless you.

[@edenlifeonearth]

Thank you Pastor John. I'm a female listener and when you said what you said at the end, I felt so touched as my husband never says anything like that to me. Your advice is sound. I guess though, there's still something we CAN do with our physical bodies as we age. We can still exercise and eat well in order to stay healthy and look pleasant to our spouse's eyes. I don't know, just feel we can do what we can, and leave the rest to God.

[@TheAmaraHorton]

The longer I stay married to my husband, the more beautiful I find him. Watching him grow from a young adult to a father to such a strong member of our family and community... My love for him outweighs any growing belly or creaky joint. ❤️

[@LISLOVESTRUTH]

I'd really want to know how their communication is and their friendship. I often find these things have a greater impact on the way we feel physically attracted than we would expect . I'd be more concerned about how well they are connecting in other areas of their marriage based on his question...

[@slr6897]

LISLOVESTRUTH agree

[@nathanprindler]

In a loving committed relationship, the type of love changes over time. The puppy love between a new couple, though strong, is quite different from the powerful depth of love that an old couple share from living life side-by-side.

[@Scarletrevelation]

Really? Men don't forget you are aging too. Real love is more than physical. But Pastor John always has the best answer...

[@michaeldukes4108]

Show some of Pastor John’s grace then and don’t be so reactive.

[@Scarletrevelation]

@@michaeldukes4108 says the man who asked the question... Have a blessed day 🙏😆

[@mightythrong]

Wonderful. Enlightening. Eventhough I'm young woman, these scriptures bring me a message.

[@jeffreywp]

A question came to my mind almost immediately upon hearing this question: what role has pornography played in this man's life? Pastor John didn't specifically mention this but it was lurking in the shadows in the answers he gave for sure, mainly in the first response about our hyper-sexualized culture. But, the Malachi passage certainly touched on the spirit and lies behind porn. I'm hopeful this man heard this and prayerfully considered his future with his wife.

[@GodempowersMatt]

Jeffrey Phillips I agree. My immediate question was what is he allowing his eyes to see and his ears to listen to that this would be such a problem.

[@michaeldukes4108]

Heck of an assumption for you to make of a brother who is clearly bothered by what’s going on inside him and took it to a knowledgeable man of God. Not everyone struggles with pornography. I wonder, with respect, if you might be projecting a bit.

[@jeffreywp]

@@michaeldukes4108I can appreciate your concern; however, it was an inquiry not an accusation. Additionally, you do not need to necessarily struggle with porn as a man to know the dangers it poses to one's heart or one's perceptions of women. Lastly, he may ask Pastor John, certainly, but I would hope that he has approached his own pastor who will have more of a history with him and be able to provide counselling of a more relevant nature. There may also be pertinent dynamics going on between he and his wife. His pastor may be able to speak directly to that. This forum is very helpful but limited on issues of such a personal nature.

[@slr6897]

Jeffrey Phillips I agree Michael Dukes

[@bygraceonly182]

Beautiful words to your wife Pastor John 💕💕💕💕

[@ondreatorrence4322]

This was a good one. Ita hard to hear as a women but the fact is i will get old and i hope someone will love me for me so that my looks wont be the highlight of my life for them lol

[@joannippins8510]

If a man or women looks at porn and compares their spouse to porn than they don’t deserve their spouse. They should let the deserving spouse find someone who loves them. While they can chase the porn and have a wonderful life doing so.

[@jonathanomara8869]

Wow! I'm lost for words. Thank you

[@AMcDub0708]

None of these comments here are helpful. At all. Good for you all if you and your spouse still are hot for each other. Way to rub it in for the man with the question. The other half of you all want to point out how he is also aging. Again, NOT HELPFUL. Of course he’s aging too and he knows that. But that STILL doesn’t help that he’s struggling to remain physically attracted to his wife.

[@pauls.915]

Love is more than just the outward appearance, it's about the rib.

[@Heatherisfire77]

Pastor John, as a young woman who recently turned 21 and terminated an engagement a year and a half ago because my fiance's affections for me were not what they once were, might I just say that your words about Noël made me cry. These sentiments are beautiful and more moving to me than even those in the Brontë sisters' writing I love to read. Thank you for your Biblical insight into this aspect of marriage. And on behalf of young women everywhere, if it is God's will to give me a spouse, I pray that his sentiments echo yours.

[@angelaf1305]

So much wisdom, thank you pastor John

[@abeautifulfamily8654]

What men don’t understand is women often feel the same we just don’t say or act on it.

[@truthsword8562]

No body is leaving their peers of there time behind as far as aging except in my case. ,I would think it would draw a couple closer and learn how to have GOD in the center of their affection toward each other,THERES NOTHING TO HARD FOR GOD. Refresh

[@amazinggrace4924]

This is such a sad question. It's not like men don't age and become old and wrinkled. It's not like women don't like to look at someone good looking... Do you think you are going to be some hottie to a young woman LOL? You most likely are the kind of man that would have bumper sticker that says "sexy grandpa." lol I would hate to be married to the man that asked this question.

[@Green4peace]

“How should your spouse stay attracted to your aging self?”

[@loriemarshall2655]

Couldnt have said it better myself!

[@ellenalyshia]

😂 I thought the same thing... maybe he has a separate message on this for us girls, lol.

[@loriemarshall2655]

Hate to tell you that might be what psychology says but most women i know feel same way about unattractive men. Sorry to burst yalls bubble :)

[@justonetime6179]

Romans 12:2 women are visually attracted too

[@michaeldukes4108]

Show a little grace, ladies. I’m sure none of you have immature concerns you need to give to the Lord. 🙄

[@brockbiller805]

You grow up and realize you aren’t perfect I’d say

[@petripat5979]

Looks like some of our comments where deleted

[@ethendixon4612]

Lol agreed. That'd be a pretty short video tho

[@davids7476]

Simple, you treat her like the queen of your world you put in the work and she will shine. Older women are already more attractive than younger women in many ways. They are like classic cars they take a little extra tlc but are quite the sight when polished up.

[@ModelJames13]

🙄

[@Soulful_Chaos]

This is GOOD.

[@AdventureSMBW]

Fortunately, I think women are usually most beautiful in their 40s. Im 29 and my wife is 25, so I've got nothing but uphill for quite a long time lol.

[@MsBeloved89]

Single lady here and I turned 30 this year , this is very encouraging lol!

[@ethendixon4612]

Lol enjoy the wife of your youth

[@ModelJames13]

If you really felt that way you would be marrying a 40 something woman. 😎

[@1301Marko]

Well what am i supposed to do with these sexual feeling then? Why are they even in our bodies? What's the purpose of feeling "horny" ?????

[@ModelJames13]

Torment. 😎

[@jimwilliams3517]

So many shallow, unBiblical responses here. They obviously didn't listen to Pastor John's message. People, this isn't anything a few simple words can answer. Listen. Learn.

[@imppyify]

How shallow can somebody be to even ask such a question? If you married your wife because of her physical attributes then you've married for the wrong reasons.

[@angelaf1305]

I think it was probably a teenager that asked such question

[@blaziec8209]

Are we ever going to have a conversation about women who leave their partners ? Its strikes me a as strange when over 50% of marriages are ended by women for money and yet not a word from the church.

[@justonetime6179]

Blazie C is that stat referring to christian women or non-christian women?

[@justonetime6179]

Lawman can you show me where I can view these stats?

[@michaeldukes4108]

Hear, hear.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+Blazie C..My husband left me For a Women with Money! But you are Right..Most women look for a man with money. I feel bad for them. I never cared about a lot of money..but the men in my life..my brother..xhusband and three sons all like the women who want money! There is no accounting here..for what people do! Ideally..if we all repented of our pride..lust and greed..As Jesus Said..our lives Woud be Better!

[@samueljoseph9710]

Easy, look in the mirror as you age.

[@Yesica1993]

Right? Sheesh!

[@Beth-ju7nb]

Yes, who does this guy think he is? Rambo? Wrinkly old men aren’t all that sexy either......

[@nightjar8898]

@@Beth-ju7nb thank you

[@Throggy]

LOL. As a younger guy this made me laugh

[@anjithjames3120]

Thank you 🙏🏾 😊

[@AmericanConcrete]

"1 Therefore, since you have been raised with Christ, strive for the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.…" (Col. 3:1-3)

[@SaanichtonMinistries]

Any what I never hear Baptists mention... physical fitness. There is no excuse for us to be idle, get out of shape and get fat. That is a sin. We must counter this. I try and jog 3-5 KM every other day, and do regular pushups and critical leg lifts to prevent serious medical ailments. It makes your life more enjoyable and you are more useful. I learned this principle in the Military reserves very quickly. Going for a walk or a bike ride is not enough. You need to be totally winded in order to get any sort of fitness. Piper Jogs too. discover the joy, but talk to the doctor. If you are heavy, do not just start running. Make sure your legs and knees are strong enough to take the impacts or you can do even more damages. My Doctor instructed me to to the leg lift up to 80 lbs. I believe that "war with the flesh..." in part means we are at war with out bodies which are prone to get fat, decay, get out of shape, deteriorate prematurely because we are prone to be lazy, seek out the closest parking spot, and other lazy non physical activities which the devil wants us to do. This idleness can turn your joints into jello and cause pain unspeakable. No wonder people cant sleep and are stressed out. NO exercise. The point in context with this? I can assure you that you will have a better sex life if you are physically fit ( can run at least a 3-5KM without walk breaks) and you will need no medication. Man I got to do a video on this topic.

[@hannna7722]

🌷

[@burningguitarsoul]

the answer is - Love her today.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

If You Do as Jesus Tells You..And Overcome Your Pride..Lust..and Greed. You will See the Beauty Within the Person and not be so concerned about the superficial Outside. This person asking obviously does not Understand Spiritual things..to even ask such a question. But..it gives Piper opportunity to Blow his own horn..so all is good!

[@kelliemurphy1454]

kathleen Wharton I don't know what you were listening to but I heard nothing but humility, kindness and wisdom in John Pipers words.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+Kellie Murphy.. I cannot stand watching mr pipers theatrics and phony self-righteousness. But I am glad you enjoy him.

[@HearGodsWord]

The guy asking the question should read Song of Solomon.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+Marty Blackman.. Solomon liked very sexy babes! And LOTS of Them! I don't know that he is very good example Here. Or King David either!

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+Marty Blackman.. The Song of Solomon is about Solomon's unadulterated Lust for a Shulamite woman! Is This Pauls "God-breathed" bible version of OT Porn?!

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+Marty Blackman.. I am so condemned on this site because I question Paul's "God-breathed" bible. Have you Read the OT? What do you think Gods purpose Was? In telling us that an army commander collected all the foreskins of the enemy and presented them to the King? Do you suppose he gift-wrapped them? Why did I need to know there was a woman in some town who liked men with genatalia the size of a donkey? Why was Lots wife turned to salt for looking back? But David lusted..Took another's mans wife..had her husband killed..David Says..I'm Sorry! Kept the wife..the husbands still dead..and David still gets to be King?! and THE Most Righteous man on Earth..Gets Saved..Then docks the boat..plants a vineyard..gets drunk and has sex with both of his daughters!? And Solomon..supposedly the wisest man on earth..everybody quotes?? With his pomp and splendor and wives and mistresses? I have Read the WHOLE Bible. What is this "God-breathed" Stuff..all about?

[@HearGodsWord]

What's Paul got to do with Song of Solomon?

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+Marty Blackman.. People on this site continually tell me..Paul Said.."Every Word in the bible is "God-breathed.". And I am not to question one word.

[@Beth-ju7nb]

Has it ever entered this questioner’s head that HE is ageing too and his wife will be struggling to find HIM attractive too? The very tone and angle of his question suggests he sees his wife as an object whose purpose in life is to gratify him.... he needs a whole attitude renewal.

[@justonetime6179]

Lawman true, people should take care of themselves. Just curious... what would you say if a wife was losing attraction/respect for her husband because he no longer made enough money?

[@justonetime6179]

Lawman ok so you’d be annoyed on hearing that a wife loses respect for her husband if he doesn’t have enough money. It’s interesting that you’re not annoyed on hearing that a husband loses attraction for his wife who doesn’t maintain her image.

[@grintrap4455]

If you ask that, you don't deserve your partner.

[@joannippins8510]

If man finds another women more desirable than his wife and wants to move on because she is not attractive like she use to be than he should move and let her go. Letting her go allows her to find someone who truly wants to be with her and loves her body mind and soul. The man who moves onto another women can now be awarded his new throphy wife. There everyone is happy. No manlipulation on any ones part. Everyone gets what they deserve. Plain and simple.

[@ModelJames13]

That kind of divorce is not acceptable.

[@staryeyez4853]

Wow.

[@burnsport1]

The "passing of time" does not usher in in wrinkles, age spots, cellulite. Identifiable physiological processes do.

[@maryanncrody4867]

how can she stay attractive to you her aging spouse

[@maryanncrody4867]

give her a lot of money to get work done.

[@alexanderjosephross]

You have to maintain her as well- take her to the gym, get her hair done, make her eat properly, love her as Christ loved the church, wash her in the water of the Word

[@alexanderjosephross]

Tell her what you want and invite the same from her

[@rosieredrocks96]

The Bible says physical fitness is of “some value”. The woman described in this question does not need to go to the gym, get her hair done, or be MADE to eat “properly” (which means a hundred different things to a hundred different people). These things you mentioned aren’t in the Bible, especially under what women are called to be. “Do not let your adorning be external...” from 1 Peter 3:3-4 is one he mentions that I think shows in complete clarity that women are not solely for beauty and should not spend their time putting on ornate items or doing their hair in intricate, time-consuming ways. They are to cultivate a spirit of gentleness which is beautiful in God’s sight. Your last two points are biblical, the former points are superficial. I hope that you can come to see that women are precious life- givers, home-keepers, and crowns to their husbands (prov 12:4) without any necessity to try to maintain the world’s, and some men’s, expectations of how women should beautify their outward appearance (which is dying like men’s) and spend precious hours and thoughts on how they can look better instead of how they can deliver the gospel and serve a hurting world better.

[@alexanderjosephross]

@@rosieredrocks96 Why do we shower and wash our clothes? To neglect such things would be bad stewardship. God gave you a body to tend and keep, and if God gives you a spouse you are supposed to tend and keep your spouse too. This is basic wisdom that would be foolish to avoid. And taking care of your body doesn't mean you sacrifice your relationship with God or cultivating the inner beauty of godly virtues. They're not mutually exclusive. I don't know the woman being referred to in the video but if she's as fat as a whale with a hairy chin and a man's haircut who wears tracksuit pants all the time, there are issues there that are easily taken care of... unless she's a stubborn ass who insists that outward beauty is just "superficial" and "worldly".

[@MsBeloved89]

I agree with Alex 100% here. You can age gracefully if your're taking care of yourself. That includes taking care of your body. Letting yourself go is actually unloving to your spouse.

[@AMcDub0708]

MAKE her eat properly….TAKE her to the gym and get her hair done…are we talking about your pet dog or your wife (who is perfectly capable of taking herself where she wants to go and choosing whatever food she wants to eat)

[@ChatteNoireBlanche]

So the person who ask this kind of feel entitle to an ever-young spouse when he is also an aging spouse...

[@justonetime6179]

spoo man do old men really think they can compete with young energetic men when it comes to sex? Placing high value on sex as an old man is just folly.

[@michaeldukes4108]

Beth Cavin ... The same could be said of the quality of sex offered by women. Where do you get off making such a statement?

[@justonetime6179]

MICHAEL DUKES but why do men value it so much more than women do if it’s such bad quality?

[@petripat5979]

What a lame question But I'll tell you how even if I don't have a girlfriend Never stop having fun with her in all aspect of your life

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+petri pat..I Agree! What a Lame question! Maybe the Doofus..could Look in the Mirror!

[@michaeldukes4108]

kathleen Wharton ... Lot of Christian grace and understanding in your answer, sister. I’m sure you don’t struggle with immature concerns or superficialities.

[@kathleenwharton2139]

+MICHEAL DUKES.. Quite the opposite! I learned the hard way! You have no idea the suffering I have gone through because of My Pride!

[@maryanncrody4867]

yes the voice of sex is still very loud and it makes men horrible and even since i still hear that voice but i have decided to embrace solitude and celebacy to avoid men and finally have peace and an end to the greats pains of my life. and i think you have one foot out the door

[@Yesica1993]

What a rude premise! YOU'RE also getting older, so she could say the same about you! Good grief, I am glad I am not married to this guy.

[@bygraceonly182]

Yesica1993 he didn’t say he expected anything from her in return. I’m sure he has a mirror.

[@febamethystocanas9282]

Yesica1993 I was thinking the same thing.

[@zachdavenport8509]

I don't think its a rude premise at all. He clearly desires to be attracted to the woman he is committed to, he is just struggling with bring that into reality. He is not expecting her to stop aging and I doubt he is unaware of the fact that he is not what he used to be either. He is seeking a way to reconcile something in his life which he knows is a problem. If he had asked what he can do to make his wife more attractive, then you would be right, but he is looking to change himself. Why should that be ridiculed?

[@zachdavenport8509]

@Beth Cavin If he never loved her, why has he remained faithful despite his lack of attraction?

[@DynamicGracer]

I hear when you're 70, your eyes are still 20. Quite scary. I always thought people grew up when they grew up

[@tanyaratti]

Don’t wear your glasses 🤓

[@ethendixon4612]

😂

[@jessethomas3979]

Welcome to the atheists in the comment section. 🙋

[@Dragontron20]

A paper bag 😂 im sorry

[@scotthorton7786]

This is a foul question

[@michaeldukes4108]

Scott Horton ... Get over yourself and give the brother grace. He has room to grow and is asking for help from Pastor John.

[@DynamicGracer]

Jesus Christ himself was ugly (Isaiah 53:2) It's all good; Who cares about beauty.

[@Scarletrevelation]

not beautiful nor majestic. I would take that as plain... not ugly lol

[@DynamicGracer]

To each their own Sara, but If one is not good looking, then they are obviously ugly *or* plain like you said, let's explore The problem with the guess that he was an average looking dude, is that girls, even back then, would lust after average looking people. *I think* there is a greater than %51 chance he was below or significantly below average in his looks, as it's absurd to think a girl ever lusted after him. I wish to change your mind on this, regardless of your many 'likes' (haaaa) I purposely didn't quite the Bible in my original comment. I made a statement and referenced where the Word of God supported the claim The verse, if you read it through, clearly states (in my opinion) that the reason for his unattractiveness was to be undesirable outwardly. Tl;dr- after the semi colon in Isaiah 53:2, we see that Jesus was without beauty in looks, and to say he was plain in looks is more of a stretch than to say he was below average looking

[@Scarletrevelation]

@@DynamicGracer He blended into crowds easily. If there was something very distinct about his looks the bible would have said that at some point in the gospels. It would have been pointed out if it was hard to look upon him. His eyes were gentle and compassionate. We see that in scripture. (Not yes compassionate but I was distracted by his hideous nose). I am not sure where girls lusting after him has anything to do with this verse. Look at the culture in which this was written. I really dont think that was a concern. They were drawn to him for other reasons.

[@DynamicGracer]

@@Scarletrevelation I guess what I'm saying is that it's speculation I don't think ugly was more likely than below average, but I think below average is much more likely than average looking The difference between being in the bottom %40 or the bottom %10 of looks is irrelevant though at the end of the day, let's be honest The point I was making with my comment was that temporal beauty isn't important, as Jesus himself lacked it

[@sofiabravo1994]

@@DynamicGracer Jesus is now glorified so is it safe to assume that He’s “gorgeous”.

[@S.Ladd67]

Why do people think they need the Bible to understand what love is? And who doesn't think about sex? straight up! And if he really made us! than it's not our faults we have a naturally sexual instinct, just like animals. Because everyone that lives knows this is true! And whoever says they don't believe in sexual attraction, or, I don't think about it!! those people are lying through their own teeth! You didn't make us like this, and I didn't make us like this, but this is what it is, and all natural. C'mon, can anyone give me an estimate of how many people live on Earth now? Uh! that means reproduction of human beings, hello. And how do we keep reproducing? intimacy of course! SEX! and if anyone thinks that everyone was married first, well that's just crazy! why do you think the world has billions and billions of people!

[@benjones621]

Women need to focus on value added. Most women in the current Western culture offer nothing more than looks. The church is to blame for shaming men into marriages that are wrong. Sex is amazing but so is a feminine woman who has so many gifts. You're video is incorrect in saying sex is overrated. Sex is the glue that keeps a marriage together. This is not biblical at all and out of touch with human nature and biology. You do a disservice to your followers with this video. After all, Luther said if your wife won't have sex with you then you should lay with the maid.

[@anasam8014]

⚘