How Do I Tell My Husband I’m Not Attracted to Him?

How Do I Tell My Husband I’m Not Attracted to Him?
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[@ChristianOne]

I self-sabatoged my first marriage because I felt unworthy of him. What a WASTE!!! Who cares? I should have just decided to focus on GRATITUDE. Whether worthy or not...he was my husband....yay! He wasn't born as a measuring tape of my value. What's super sad is that I kept telling myself that he deserved more so I would set him free to find someone else better. You know who he found? A woman who has abused him for the last 20 years verbally. Turns out, I was a much better partner for him than her but I sabatoged it for both of us. Just be grateful people.

[@Gloriagal78]

Very well said

[@ramonaneyrinck2292]

what an amazing comment!

[@halwo9363]

How did you sabotage it?

[@victoriaporsiempre]

@@halwo9363she pushed him away saying that he deserved better

[@SuperHappyNotMerry]

"he wasn't born as a measuring tape of my value" those words blew my mind. i have always struggled with feeling worthy of my partners and this is so true. your partner is not there to do anything but be with you

[@themachine9366]

This is why complimenting your partner consistently is so important. It builds their self-stem and avoids these insecurities and fears from lack of commitment down the road.

[@rob1016ny]

You can’t help someone build “self-anything”. They have to do that themselves. If you “need” that, that’s called co-dependency.

[@randomlady6899]

I went through a phase when I. wasn’t attracted to my husband but I never told him. Instead I sought individual counselling through my church. Turns out, it’s hard to be attracted to your husband when you’re busy being insecure about your own body.

[@dr_pinna543]

Glad you got help and it was a phase!

[@sarahalderman3126]

Same here…

[@robr268]

That literally makes no sense. I get women want to feel attractive and have insecurities but what does that have to do with your attraction to other people? I'm insecure and feel ugly but I want my spouse! Never understands why she wants me 🤣🤣🤣

[@chocolateprincess2656]

Oh god fir the caller she probably just doesn’t find him sexually attractive…… that’s it. That might of been the reason for you but most women who have body insecurities still know when they find a man attractive or not in fact probably even more

[@robr268]

@Chocolate Princess thank you! Making this a deeper issue is crazy. She clearly states this. And to have most of the comments agree with John is ridiculous. I've learn women are WAY more about looks then men.

[@cathy7824]

I dated a guy who studdered. He was embarrassed by it, I thought it was the sexiest thing ever. We love different things about different people.

[@paulo7507]

what is studdered??????

[@rithvikmuthyalapati9754]

@@paulo7507 Stuttering

[@Raminakai]

I agree that we often try to be " perfect" and lose the sweet unique things that make us special.

[@paulo7507]

@@rithvikmuthyalapati9754 ok i thought as much, just wanted to be sure. I have a stutter also and I dont think women care that much if im being honest as I dont think it has ever affected my interactions with them but then again it is not soo severe

[@zeal4god402]

Woooow a woman who thinks stuttering is sexy. I didn't think it was possible

[@aribbonatatime]

News flash for all the ladies out there. There is always a prettier girl so if that makes you insecure then you will always be insecure. Same goes for guys, there's always a richer funnier taller guy out there so if that makes you insecure you're doomed. You're welcome, I'll be here all day 😂

[@CrystalM1917]

You needed to state bigger manhood instead. That's when men really lose it. Which would be much more equivalent to not being as physically attractive for a woman as another woman.

[@aribbonatatime]

@@CrystalM1917 What does "bigger manhood" mean if not money, height, and personally?

[@CrystalM1917]

@@aribbonatatime the size of his member.

[@aribbonatatime]

@@CrystalM1917 naughty, naughty, you're not meant to be privy to that information until after you're married, then it's too late. Not the case with a woman's appearance. Thus the cause for insecurity. It's always on display for every man to see so "ugly" girls feel insecure. Not an issue with the utensil unless you're going around sampling them in which case you've got bigger problems than insecurity.

[@CrystalM1917]

@@aribbonatatime well when she stated the them being Christians part of things, I sensed her alluding to the fact that they were supposed to be virgins....bc why else would she bring that up in relation to her insecurity...the two had nothing to do with each other particularly except that it sounds like she was a virgin when they married, but HE was not....and I suspect that part is what played into her insecurity with the ex. The reason I picked up on that is bc I remained a virgin until I married as well, and it was very important for me to marry one, otherwise I would have felt insecure about my husband being with someone before we married and wouldn't be able to get it out of my head. Dating someone prettier is one thing but sex is completely another altogether. Now if she had not been one....he likely would have felt that way too, and always questioning was her ex better/larger etc. than he was....and God forbid she had old pics he came across, that would mess with his head in a much more similar way as this has hers...dating in my religion is very benign. you don't kiss, you don't go on dates unchaperoned, and you certainly dont have sex etc. So if my husband had dated a girl more attractive..meh, oh well obviously they broke up..... but if they went to the level of the intimacy that is reserved for husband and wife....yeah I'd struggle with that wholeheartedly.

[@kourtneydouthard-becker1501]

I immediately knew what the issue was. She thinks his ex was more attractive than her..she's dealing with insecurity..I really pray she gets healed and that her marriage will be stronger 🙏🏼

[@liberalmadness7248]

She’s going to destroy her marriage. I feel bad for her husband. He’s the real victim in this. I dated a woman like this, thank god I didn’t marry her, I almost did. This guy is in a bad situation here!!!

[@Consuaser]

When it comes to really bad jealousy the person could even be really unattractive in your opinion and it will stilll make you furious

[@tpeters85]

@@liberalmadness7248she’s also a victim of her mom’s bad parenting. If you think there’s only one victim in this story, you’re missing the point.

[@littlelam3691]

@@tpeters85he’s a troll

[@TomikaKelly]

I wonder if there's more to the story. Like if he perhaps is still friends with his ex, still speaks fondly of her randomly, etc. It doesn't make sense that SHES the one he married, yet she's insecure.

[@rachaelchavez8766]

Women's sexuality and attraction is very much based on how sexy they feel. In other words if you feel unpretty and unattractive and won't be having good sex.

[@purplelove3666]

And if they are not attracted to the person(husband)they are having sex with,that won't go great either

[@KNByam]

​@@purplelove3666Both have to play a part in keeping themselves in shape and in the right frame of mind.

[@sharonkrzyzanowski2283]

That is the truth!!!!

[@venM9]

​@@purplelove3666 and the husband knows that she is not into it , 100 percent. He feels it.

[@cami4CYeshua787]

💯💯💯

[@SwimSweetie100]

There’s something not right if it’s been YEARS and you are still obsessing about his ex partner. Go to a good therapist, you are destroying your marriage about a past he cannot change. This is an insecurity thing.

[@starlingswallow]

I agree but it's amazing the things we believe about ourselves because of what our parents said to us, about us. Therapy, yes. Talking to our spouses, yes. ❤

[@Aubz47]

It’s so strange, in some denominations of Christianity, there are beliefs and teachings that insinuate that if you have premarital sex, you are cheating on your spouse. I’m not sure if this is the case here but it almost sounds like she feels that way. That teaching and way of thought is so damaging. It’s a scare tactic and just causes more shame and trauma. I really hope she can do some therapy to get to the bottom of this insecurity!

[@LisaLisaCJ]

@@Aubz47 yes and that you have a soul tie to them none of which to ME are biblical

[@Nah-ah]

@@Aubz47 I agree! That’s exactly how it sounded like, she feels like she had been hard done by bc he had another woman before her and she holds that against him and she’s probably disgusted by him, couple that with postpartum hormones, and an already unhealthy relationship with her body.

[@josephinenelan4204]

@@Aubz47 this is what I was taught, and then marrying an unbeliever because the men in the church were… extremely lacking… in numbers and character. It can really hurt a relationship! You can never win in some denominations if you’re a woman, and the fact that some of these churches don’t address that is disgusting and hurting. Women are worthless if they’re unmarried and worthless because they weren’t worth waiting for. Wtf kind of messaging is that?

[@findyouralpha]

Subconsciously she is feeling inferior because her husband has dramatically improved his appearance by losing 70 lbs while she obviously gained weight after having a baby. This coupled with her self consciousness from her mother is the crux of her problem.

[@michealjames5459]

Spot on

[@Dan16673]

100%

[@CrystalM1917]

She has also likely has issues surrounding purity/virginity but he not coming from a non virginal background...there's some insecurity around that too.

[@drew2fast489]

@@CrystalM1917 What kind of issue would those be?

[@CrystalM1917]

@drew2fast489 She has issues with him having been with someone else before her. It doesn't matter who the ex was. She would feel the same about anyone bc she saved herself for marriage, she likely views sex to be sacred between two married people only. She shouldn't have married him bc she resents him for not being a virgin when they got married.

[@vivianivey6663]

Physical features are not the only thing that attracts people to you. Pretty packaging obviously grabs attention first, but if you don’t bring character and kindness and personality to back it up you’re not going to sustain a relationship.

[@lala5061]

Yep, cuz when a man is insecure and controlling and disrespectful...u no longer even view him physically attractive either if that was all he had...he's just not attractive as a person in character and that's the type of level of not being attracted that is almost impossible to come back from....might as well move on cuz no matter how long u been together someone or both are going to cheat ...it's almost inevitable!

[@Portia620]

THIS!! Character and soul is EVERYTHING and it keeps and builds true love if both high caliber morals!

[@RobiPerk0125]

Yeah but just have all those stuff u mention , and been ugly things won’t work eather

[@l-train7876]

9:46 “secrets destroy your relationship far more than being honest.” This is exactly what caused the demise of my previous relationship. My ex wasn’t a bad person (quite the opposite), but he just was so afraid of hard conversations or potential conflict, he would lie by omission. Once I realized that, it made me think that I never really knew what the real story was. It completely eroded the integrity of our connection. So heartbreaking.

[@soni05131]

Similar to my situation. We never had hard conversations, he was dismissive.

[@eesynopsis7393]

Literally just went through this. I broke things off. I had to break my own heart to ironically save it in the end.

[@buffalo.blackk]

It’s because you showed him something early on in your relationship that he could not fully trust you. Most modern women can’t actually handle the truth. So, we lie to you. I’ve lied by omission to every woman I’ve been involved w/. It’s just easier. And generally, the women never find out. You’re training your guy how to treat you and how honest he can be w/ you by how you respond to things early on in a relationship.

[@l-train7876]

@@buffalo.blackk if you can’t be honest with your partner then the 2 of you are not compatible. Why waste your time with lies? Honesty and integrity it a core value of mine, as soon as I find out my significant other thinks lying is an option, it’s over.

[@buffalo.blackk]

@@l-train7876 Nah, it’s just modern women. Modern women ask, “Do I look fat in this?” “Were you looking at her cleavage?” “Do you want to have sex w/ other women?” “Why did you like that girl’s picture?” “Do you wanna get married?” “Did you think about me while you were away on your work trip?” “Would you still love me if I gained 30 lbs?” “Why don’t you be more vulnerable w/ me?” Et cetera. Lies keep relationships going w/ modern women. I recommend lies to every man if he wants to just have a pleasant evening or a quiet weekend. Just tell her what she wants to hear. Modern women love lies. As men, we’re designed to manage women’s tidal waves of emotions. We’re the rocks that your waves crash into. One way to manage those waves most effectively is w/ lies of omission. Trust me, you want your bf or husband to lie to you.

[@kristinmoore4624]

I feel this in my soul. My mother, although I don't believe she meant any harm, never complimented us but always complimented the other girls in the neighborhood. I still don't feel attractive and hate when my husband compliments me. I tell my daughter how sweet, smart, sassy and pretty she is every day. And my son's how kind, helpful, smart, and handsome they are. I'm overcompensating but they are confident and feel loved so I'm not going to stop.

[@spaRKLES88604]

Words matter. You are a great mom for telling your daughters and sons how special they are. Those kinds of comments last a lifetime. I’m very happy they have a mom like you

[@jameskozy7254]

Your mother probably didn't like herself and you were an extension of her

[@asyablake]

@RainbowJam you have serious issues. She said she tells her kids they’re loved and kind. Climb off your high horse because you’re trying to diagnose her children with narcissism from a KZbin comment? Unwind the stick from your ass because YOUR comment is nuts.

[@cookster69]

just be careful not to give them too much ego, my parents told me I was a genius and I ended up being allergic to working hard to achieve things (since I believed everything would come easy because I learn fast). you sound very sweet and loving so I hope I didn't sound judgemental, my mother was the very same

[@lepolhart3242]

It was a little cruel of your mother to not compliment you like she did the other girls but you can`t let that carry with you throughout your life, you need to let it go and move on. You can`t let what happened to you in childhood let it affect you now as an adult.

[@virginialangford6257]

My mother was very pretty and she let me know that I was not blessed with her genes…so be it…I was a homely child and years later I am a homely woman…but I am only here for one go around…so the heck with it…I like my life…I am not a man magnet…but I won’t get a second chance to live life, and I will not wast this one simpering about my misfortunes.

[@James_36]

Your mother sounds absolutely vile - forget her thoughts she is a joke

[@michaelfarfan6186]

Good for you🤟 dust yourself off and keep on going👍👍

[@JDAfrica]

That’s a cruel thing to say to a kid - I’m sorry, no child should ever hear that. That is completely her issue, and you have such character to brush it off.

[@gailrobinson3168]

If you think you are homely, you will believe you are. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, and not being a paragon of what magazines or Instagram told you is beautiful ‼️Just be your best version of yourself. Pamper yourself and love yourself. You may find there is someone who thinks you are the most beautiful person they've ever met ❣️🤗

[@zinnia3684]

Get saved in the name of Jesus Christ. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Jesus is the man to seek. You are beautiful to him.

[@pinkkfloydd]

Parents need to stop projecting their self-image insecurities onto their children. It will nearly 100% be a psychological nightmare for the children.

[@motogp2375]

I agree 💯! I tell people don’t ruin it for your child. Your child is innocent and why not set them up for success by breaking that cycle. Your children deserve to make his/her own decision about themselves. Be honest with yourselves and talk to someone about it. Help is out there. There’s always someone out there willing to listen. Prayers for those who are suffering today.

[@zinnia3684]

My mom was super tough on me too and I finally confronted her. She said she didn’t want me to be conceited about my appearance. She did an incredible job, I had very low self esteem. My mom had the problem, and she caused a huge problem for me. I completely felt compassion for my mom and her situation growing up. She only brought to the table what she had. Give it up to God. This was your mother’s burden that you inherited. So sad.

[@saloninegi7062]

Our mothers really do a number on us! I still can't fathom how much my own mother must hate herself to have been as cruel and narcissistic as she was, and sometimes still is.This poor dear lady. She must have looked very much like her mom, and the mother's self loathing came out.

[@ykonratev]

Stfu your problems aren't your moms fault what are you 8 years old ? You people are pathetic

[@jasxaf]

listen to the compassion you have for her 🩷

[@toscadonna]

It’s really weird how so many people assume that the person they’re with is constantly thinking about an ex and comparing them. I can promise you that the last person I’d ever want to think about is an ex. Anyone who’s my ex worked very hard for that title, and I’m not one to stand in the way of a man’s hard earned glory. The worst thing is when a guy asks you, “Am I the best you’ve ever had?” As if I want to stop in the middle of s3x and think about some other guy that I wish I’d never met to compare him to you.😂 Thinking about an ex always makes me feel nauseous-like how could I have been so stupid? 😂 So why bring him up now? I’m glad to have escaped and want nothing to do with the past.

[@alexdex9439]

Not all relationships and breakups are the same. Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean others don't.

[@audriiguess6441]

not when they became friends after the breakup

[@nickalton]

John is dead on! When a man is lying down with his wife, all he’s thinking of his her! No matter how many women he’s been with in the past.

[@Flash3-22]

Actually this is a sweet comment. One I will keep in mind.

[@tjay816]

Thank you for reaffirming that

[@jjfarm9562]

Someone tell my wife that

[@augiemay8677]

Mmmmmmmm. Nice thought. But idk how honest it is. Maybe you aren't thinking of past women you've actually slept with, but perhaps at times have closed your eyes and thought about women in porn or women you'd like to "try it out" with? Don't mean to accuse just genuinely asking. Not even once?

[@zinnia3684]

What! That’s ridiculous to assume that.

[@giovanapc1]

Dr Delony is such a gift to the world. This is such an important conversation for married couples, with our without kids. Thank you!

[@khrisstake2210]

Gift? He gives awful advice

[@jonyoung6405]

Yaawn...

[@karenhultgren7810]

@@khrisstake2210disagree

[@bluebellcrushedvelvet]

What?? I would have never said "a gift to the world" yuck!!! Fking hell he didn't even listen much to what she was feeling and how deep were her problems!! He just basically did what EVERY man does, listens for half a sentence and just botch the whole thing! Smack some generic advice and a symptom onto her and call it a day!!! And he's the greatest?? Lmfao, woooww😊

[@victoriaporsiempre]

@@bluebellcrushedvelvet so why are you watching his videos? for the gossip?

[@DoritoHunter]

Wow someone who actually gets straight to the point when calling in! Yes!!!

[@ryandeffley7652]

The irony is that she claims she's having difficulty feeling attraction to him based on her fearing he's not attracted to her.

[@Musicienne-DAB1995]

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

[@leslietarter2096]

Indeed

[@chelsea7755]

I feel for this woman. Its really difficult to be super sexually attracted to someone when you're actually numb. I also had a mum that did alot of insecurity projection. Going forward... I think you'd see great benefits from therapy, as well as boosting your self esteem (through physical exercise, mental work and hobbies). Feed your soul, because others didn't when you were younger and you continued that cycle... Destroying yourself. If you don't try to love yourself... And fight for yourself (especially when you have others trying to tear you down), it will haunt you throughout life.

[@JDAfrica]

Seeing an endocrinologist and sorting out any hormonal imbalances, specifically getting her testosterone levels higher would also be a start. There is a supplement called DIM, which clears the estrogen/testosterone imbalance. DIM supports a ‘good’ healthy estrogen metabolism and reduces the less desirable or ‘bad’ estrogen metabolites. Higher testosterone leads to higher sex drive.

[@YASMINOGBU]

I wonder if her husband over shared about he’s past relationships. I’ve had an ex who did that and it absolutely destroyed our relationship. I’ve never been insecure EVER but knowing how amazing and Intelligent he’s ex was ( as he put it) and having used prostitution - he put it in my head and the comparison naturally arose. It’s immature to speak without thinking the effects on your partner . Some times it’s better to not say any thing then to share everything.

[@katiez688]

I am 100% against talking about past relationships. I think its okay to talk generally about things you have learned from prior life experience but there is no reason to get into detail about specific prior relationships.

[@tanyah6184]

Yes, I think that may have happened. I’m a little bit in that situation, but I struggle with a lot of what she’s talking about too

[@yasminogbu8929]

Yes I agree, with that 🥂

[@yasminogbu8929]

Mmm.. it’s really difficult. Sorry to hear your going through it. It’s not easy. Please stay kind to yourself in the mist of it ❤️ Your doing your best. I wasn’t able to recover from hearing everything, so I don’t blame anyone for not able to over come it. I think it’s our partners duty to make us feel secure. So maybe he needs to work on making you feel like the number 1 lady in his life and that you are the best women he’s had. He really shouldn’t be talking about the ex unless you bring it up really. If he wants to talk through certain aspects of that relationship he should be talking to a therapist not you x

[@Whiskey_Jane]

When I saw my ex with a minor after we split. He had said he didnt have a serious girlfriend before and I didnt think about whom he had been with until I had seen it after we had split. Right then he looked like a completely different person. All respect was gone and I was able to get my closure that way. Not values I could live with in a partner honestly. 💔✌

[@janetb3063]

I was not attracted to my ex in the end. It had nothing to do with my confidence. His lovemaking style and mine could not be more opposite and eventually it took it's toll. It is possible that WOMEN can lose attraction and be secure humans.

[@boanddevan4316]

Hope, I hope you read this... You are beautiful, you are worthy, and you didn't deserve the words of your mother. I hope you find healing! You sound like a beauitful person with a sweet soul!!

[@NnoxLupus]

Honestly it doesn’t matter who she is with, it seems like she will have this problem regardless. The issue is her insecurities. Even if she were to be with someone else, she will run into the same problem until she fixes her own problem.

[@sbentsen2714]

Yeah I completely agree, what I thought of when he was saying why is this a war that you feel you have to fight? It reminded me of myself years ago when I was dating a girl, and thinking about her previous partners it was like I'm fighting against a ghost. How do you win against that? I realized it was because my own insecurities about myself, I didn't feel good about myself or that I measured up. So she probably feels she doesn't measure up to his ex. It's all with her, it's all her stuff. If she works on herself, she can feel better about herself and not worry about his ex

[@Nightfighter82]

Yes she projects them on her partner and them blames them for it so she doesn't have to take any personal responsibility because moder women have been taught that they are not responsible for anything it's a man's fault, patriarchy or some other feminist trope.

[@YASMINOGBU]

I wonder if her husband over shared about he’s past relationships. I’ve had an ex who did that and it absolutely destroyed our relationship. I’ve never been insecure EVER but knowing how amazing and Intelligent he’s ex was - as he put it and having used prostitution - he put it in my head and the comparison naturally arose! It’s immature to speak without thinking of the effects on your partner . Being honest without boundaries is just being a child. Some times it’s better to not say any thing then to share everything.

[@YASMINOGBU]

Also reading this, if you don’t have children yourself and not married. Learn that marriage is certain though and not a walk in the park. If you get married one day you will realise that. As you can’t teach life experience. Life is complex - people have different experiences , different upbringings - learn to have compassion rather then judging and thinking the worst from women or people ask why are people unsure why are people acting that way and humbly meet it with compassion. Life can be hard for people. Learn to put yourself in peoples shoes. A wife and mother writes below said : Man, sex after having a baby is challenging. I remember being exhausted, touched out, frustrated, etc. Especially after the first child- life completely changes and it's a huge adjustment. I remember thinking of how dirty I would feel if I was intimate with my husband and then went back to lay down and nurse my baby. Thankfully my husband is incredibly patient and understanding

[@kellharris2491]

@@Nightfighter82 That's really harsh. Do you know how many women have hang ups about sex? It's like you don't try to understand what she is feeling at all.

[@sarahtucker2874]

This was SO good. And I feel like what she was talking about is a struggle for many people. My heart broke for her. I am not married but have had those same thought...if I were to ever marry someone who had previously been married. Thank you, John. You've encouraged me!

[@YASMINOGBU]

Me too darling ❤️ You have a pure heart. Humans weren’t made to sleep around with loads of people having soul ties everywhere. When two people have had no past relationships to compare it to it’s the best ✨❤️ You will find the best man for you one day, and you won’t feel that way. A lot of the time people can over share and not realise what that does to their partners Xx

[@Okello_kev]

Pathetic....Marriage is about duty not feelings.

[@AC-mp7cx]

Your heart broke for her and not him.... bruhg what??

[@olganova3058]

@@AC-mp7cx she's the one sharing her issues on the call, why would her husband be addressed?

[@Lifeszebarbie]

Man, sex after having a baby is challenging. I remember being exhausted, touched out, frustrated, etc. Especially after the first child- life completely changes and it’s a huge adjustment. I remember thinking of how dirty I would feel if I was intimate with my husband and then went back to lay down and nurse my baby. Thankfully my husband is incredibly patient and understanding ❤

[@LegacyFarmandHomestead]

This is likely due to high prolactin in your blood due to nursing. It completely kills sex drive in females. It's actually pretty normal and it's also pretty sad for your husband because it's not his fault.

[@sarahconner9433]

I'm a random stranger.... And your really wierd mentally...... Your thought would be valid if you were cheating with someone other than your husband.... But your husband is your babies Daddy!! Your completely fucked up mentally... Get counseling before this great husband cheats on you with a little mexican girl who respects what a wonderful responsible man he is!!!! Good Lord I regret reading your comment on KZbin.... And I think this is a first!!! Your a cruel wife..... When you find out he has a mistress your punishment will be too forgive him...

[@daniellem8790]

@@TheThugNasty Maybe she was scared to… Seems like you wouldn’t give her the option to say no. Eeek

[@ryandeffley7652]

A husband shouldn't have to be "understanding" or "patient" about a wife withholding sex. If anything he's being too soft on letting you project your issues onto him. 👎 The irony to me has always been that women are the ones drawn to monogamy and commitment. But they're often not capable of keeping up with a man's sexual needs. When you commit to one man in marriage, it's the wife's responsibility to keep him sexually satisfied.

[@daniellem8790]

@@TheThugNasty Haha! Wrong audience. No, as a married woman I completely understand a man’s needs but I also firmly believe a man to be completely and disgustingly selfish if he puts his sexual needs above the mental and physical well-being of his wife… for an orgasm. It’s a two-way street and if a man can’t have compassion and understanding for the woman he married all because he has “needs” (as if she does not???) then that man is not a man but a boy who can’t control his, “needs”.

[@Nah-ah]

I believe she feels uncomfortable that he lost weight and she’s just had a baby and doesn’t feel confident in herself! “So he must be thinking of his ex when we’re doing it”

[@NnoxLupus]

Yes I think so too.

[@janelleg597]

A lot more complicated, people

[@CrystalM1917]

@@janelleg597 exactly.

[@CrystalM1917]

No, she had issues with him not being a virgin when they married. She shouldn't have married him.

[@josephinenelan4204]

She sounds scared, she is insecure and he’s bettering himself and she knows there’s a difference between them. Her mom did not help, but now she has to be a big girl and get help. Hopefully she learns the power of communication in a relationship, and good (married) female mentors. Those hormones during and after pregnancy are no joke. Same way BC pill makes you crazy. If her husband loves her, he WILL work with her. Men are incredible at working for what they want, and I have little doubt he wants to have a wonderful and spicy marriage with her. Hopefully she 1) finds something outside of him to affirm her worth, and 2) learns to speak her mind instead hoping for him to get mind reading powers.

[@giovanapc1]

Yes! I think she must feel more insecure because he lost weight and she's probably struggling with her own looks post partum. And then all of those past insecurities come to the forefront. So challenging.

[@lt.2992]

If she’s from a very religious background I doubt she finds any experienced and nuanced mentors. She’s was basically brainwashed to believe in purity/virginity. Doesn’t get any “I’m surrounded by religious nuts” than that

[@Rccrdawgs]

She better get it together! Ambitious people don't like boat anchors...psychological or not !

[@thermalreboot]

Something I learned years ago that has served me well is from Sylvan Mind Control. The technique is to cancel any dis-empowering thought that enters your mind. It's a simple technique, any thought or even feeling that should appear I say "cancel cancel" in my inner dialogue. If I'm alone I might even say it out loud. Sometimes you're going through your day canceling everything, but over time the unwanted thoughts go away. I've practiced this so often that I often cancel things without being fully conscious of doing it.

[@cassie372]

Wow thank you!!

[@Nah-ah]

I’ve been using Silva’s meditation techniques for a few months now! Very empowering!

[@BenjaminARosso]

I wish this guy was my therapist, gosh he's good!

[@sarahlund-nt3kw]

He's VERY good. 🙂

[@josephbranch2342]

You did a great job with this caller buddy.

[@rosannarichardson7951]

What if it’s an ex that “got away”. He would’ve chose the ex but she said no? Then what, everyone else gets silver? While he still thinks about her. I’d rather be single then live through that hell.

[@blackbeardgoatjr2434]

This is really great. I must add that every single person must forgive their parents. It is such a relief when you do. It's a hard conversation but if you can do that then you can overcome anything. Nothing will stop you once you forgive.

[@sometime.somewhere]

Are you talking about a literal conversation with your parents or figuratively with yourself? Because ive always thought of forgivenes as something internal, especially since the parent may still have those behaviours, may not feel there was any error, or be dead, so in my head I didnt see it as something that needed to be relayed to/received by them when choosing to forgive - what do you think? Im not there yet, but how did it go for you exactly?

[@blackbeardgoatjr2434]

@@sometime.somewhere Literal convo. It was easier than I thought, for myself anyways. My dad actually apologized to me first about leading me in a direction that wasn't right for me because he thougth he was doing the right thing, instead of letting me find my own way in life. So forgiveness there was easy. My mom and I are pretty close and I told her that she's ruining everybodys life in the house but it's okay because she can't help herself (forgive them for they know not what they do) and that I forgive her for that. She then started to deflect on to me and stating my own short commings in life and comparing me to her friends successful children. I didn't mind and it didn't phase me. That was over 1.5 years ago and I've been on my own since, moved out of their house to another state and got a job that I like and can wake up to without distain as a wild land firefighter. I made enough money to take a couple of months off and I just live frugally and keep in shape for the upcoming season. There's this guy named Jesse Lee Peterson on YT and one of his main messages is to forgive your parents and anybody else that you hold resentment towards. He is a character and I cannot state that enough. I agree with about 90% of what he says. One main disagreement is he says that "all thoughts are all lies, all the time" I would say that "Some or most of your thoughts could be deceiving/lies but not all" Maybe he's right though. But listening to his podcast helped me overcome A LOT of shortfalls and I feel as if I'm improving daily. Hope this helps!

[@sometime.somewhere]

@@blackbeardgoatjr2434 thanks, will check him out. I think youre out, however it goes, whatever the consequences of being honest are, releasing the emotional baggage is key

[@sometime.somewhere]

@@blackbeardgoatjr2434 also i think the comparison thing is one of the most pernicious to do with a loved one. wild land fire fighter, I dont think ive ever met anyone who does that, what do you like about it? I imagine it feels quite free being out and about outdoors

[@chanson8508]

@@blackbeardgoatjr2434 thanks for the tip! I'll give this rando you suggested a shot 👍🏽

[@jambajoby32]

Dang this guy is on it! I hear crazy talk when they jump to conclusions (women, since I date women) & it further fueled the issues. This guy has a way of hearing thru the words & how they’re said

[@villen2020]

We all have crazy thoughts. Like me, whenever i think i want to date i just watch this channel and i IMMEDIATELY come to my senses. THANK YOU. Have a great day and a pleasant tomorrow.

[@sacredspaceinc]

I don’t think she was using Christianese just nervous, this a sensitive topic. I pray she’ll be healed and their marriage restored.

[@helenellsworth9556]

I can say I've been a better parent than most stories I've seen and heard, my kids were brought up to know they are more than enough, I told them the sky is the limit, and the world is your oyster, I have girls in the near 30's,, highly confident, married and children, in safe partnership with their men, not boys. My kids have always been a reflection on me and who I am, much respect has come my way for people knowing my girls.

[@frankalmanzar3492]

This reminds me of my current situation because I lost weight. You could tell when a girl doesn’t feel attractive around you. I have dated girls that I felt were out of my league too so I know how that feels!

[@Ryan_DeWitt]

So, because you are no longer fat she doesn't find you attractive? If that is the case, it is 100% insecurity, not loss of attraction.

[@emmarose6590]

Yes and a women HAS to feel attractive in order to be physical with a man.

[@joelrobert4053]

@@Ryan_DeWitt What he means is since losing weight, he is more attractive than his girl which will make his girl very insecure since other women and people in general will show him more attention

[@JJ33438]

This is a very good video...Dr. John is very compassionate. and he is good at getting at the real problem and the real solution.

[@marialucchese7579]

Some moms are narcissistic and totally cruel on purpose. And the way you snap out of it is recognize you are beautiful, enough, worthy of a beautiful life.

[@juststoppingby390]

Love that he doesn't rush her. the title is her not being attracted to him not him not being attracted to her

[@avaglynn1]

How horrifying that a mother would say this to her daughter!! My mother had her issues but I'm thankful she never put that on me. I pray I never do this to my daughters. Or sons for that matter.

[@destinyjordan8779]

Dr. Delony had some great advice in this one. His delivery was also kind and clear. ❤

[@MattyG1970]

Geez this kind of stuff makes me feel very fortunate to be single.

[@ViolinfanaticOriginal]

Why do people marry people they are not attracted to? This was something she struggled with prior to marrying him. Terrible to put her husband and family through this.

[@texan903]

She probably married him because he has a good career, comes from a good family that's reputable, and they could provide a life of comfort and security.

[@Penseesmodestes]

a lot of people do that because they fear being forever alone, time is ticking, everybody's getting married, he's nice, has a good job, share the same values, so why would I say no? (the self-convicing process). Years later they realize that they may should have wait for the one. That's my opinion

[@peartfaldo]

financial reasons

[@Penseesmodestes]

@@peartfaldo not necessarily, a lot of people around me did that because of social pressure around mariage, time passing by, fear of loneliness

[@peartfaldo]

@@Penseesmodestes true....but...nothing more lonely than being in a dead relationship....being alone and loneliness are two completely different things. you can be lonely with people around.....THATS the problem....

[@adhisboucha295]

Damn it. I just realized that my mom's words have been subconsciously bouncing around my head creating problems.

[@anared1990]

I remember after having my first baby I was feeling so jealous over every woman that went near my husband. I was still very attractive but I couldn't see that. My husband is a Muslim man and anytime a woman is near, he lowers his gaze. He doesn't talk to females or touch them even for a handshake or hug. And still I struggled, and now years later I can't understand why I behaved that way. That man is very much so still attracted to me but I was being crazy. After my second baby, I still feel like I'm attractive to him, he makes me feel special. He's the only man I've ever been with and I'm the only woman he's ever been with. Now I'm working out to make sure I look good even if I get pregnant again, I want to be the best I can be. He deserves that❤

[@Lesh004]

I can relate to this lady. We have a lot in common. One issue was resolved by letting my husband know my insecurities. We worked through it together. The second was happening this year. We were in a very bad place, I was in a very bad place. I gained 15lbs in one month, getting anxiety and depression. We worked together and with my doctor. I was placed on birth control to “reset” and fix some issues. Turns out it was all hormonal. She should get her hormone levels checked. Also if she’s still within the first year after giving birth she needs to give herself Grace. My body went so much after. At 3 months pp I told my husband I hated the sight of him. 😂 I was sleep deprived and he understood. Being honest and telling him everything I was thinking helped. Yes it was horrible to say and hear. Thankfully he completely understood I wasn’t “myself”. We wouldn’t have made it through had I not been honest. It’s also amazing how much hormones affect us. As someone who’s dealing with this for a second time I know how important it is. Get them checked!

[@starrjohnson1327]

I definitely understand the hormone thing. I am working through my estrogen dominance. Weight creeps up during hormonal imbalances. There may be a thyroid issue as well.

[@ReginaMcNeish]

@@starrjohnson1327 it’s most def thyroid. Lugol’s iodine works miracles…

[@starrjohnson1327]

@@ReginaMcNeish yes it does. I'm taking it.

[@genxis6097]

Yes, hormones. Dr. Leah Gordon is a great resource.

[@YASMINOGBU]

Yoh are super women ❤️❤️❤️😘 so inspiring reading how much you over came . Thank you for sharing x

[@crowmedicine3890]

This is definitely about how she's feeling about herself. I feel for her, especially after having a baby so recently. I think it's wild that she's obsessing and the woman he had sex with prior to her. Pretty much everyone has had sex with other people. We would all go mad! But again, this is about how she feels about herself. I wish her healing.

[@oregoncoastmama3004]

😫💔How could her mom talk to her like that?!? My mom always told me I was beautiful and that she loved me every day that i was with her. But she also left us when I was 5, I have a pretty bad self esteem and abandonment fears at almost 43. I have daughters I try to tell them daily they are beautiful, strong and smart. ❤❤

[@donnieweeks8690]

Sounds like a very horrible mother. My late wife's mom always made my wife feel like she wasn't enough period. Its such a disgusting thing for parent to do.

[@CompleteInJesus]

I wonder how she would have responded if he would have asked "Do you feel special to your husband?" It is a real mood killer when a wife believes that her husband would desire any naked woman.

[@tasteyfisher9273]

This is great advice, honestly a very similar issue (among others) was part of the downfall of my marriage. Communication is vital, if youre partner is gaslighting you, ignoring you. Etc. its a sign they are dis engaging from the marriage. I highly suggest if you are married and notice your partner do this. To take measures to protect yourself. Yes, try to talk with them, do anything you can to save the marriage. If they don’t however, it’s time for you to move on, because they are about to with you anyways, likely with someone else. But hey that’s just my story! I’m out here and going to make a new story to replace this one. Best regards

[@caronadams4486]

Nice job with this!! Felt like I a just had the best therapy session ever.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Her struggle will drive a wedge between them , not his ex .

[@uploadingjoy9120]

When I was a new mom, my baby took everything out of my body all day and I didn't want to be touched at all at night. I just wanted space!!! That could be a little of what's happening with this caller.

[@danboozled]

I've never been married, so I dont know the commitment involved with that from experience. This being said, I've always been communicating clearly with my partner. I've learned that they are just as scared as you are to talk about it. At a time you are both in good moods, just casually bring it up. No accusing, just thoughts and feels. If it's meant to be, you'll be alright.

[@MMC-jp1gl]

There is NO REASON ANYONE should tell their spouse ""I'm not attracted to you anymore." NONE. Love is not about some tenuous physical attraction...it's about willing the GOOD of the beloved...an act of the will. There will be times when you aren't attracted to your spouse...and when they aren't attracted to you...but love walks through those times and continues the vows and commitments made regardless of a passing feeling or thought. God bless~

[@lwedel3361]

well put.

[@purplelove3666]

No attraction matters, or else you would be with anyone whom you have a good connection with

[@MMC-jp1gl]

@@purplelove3666 I agree that attraction matters in the beginning when you first form the relationship. But over time it will wane into a deeper connection than mere physical attraction. I watched a video recently on love and dating and they stated the three step process of love: lust, attraction, attachment. Different hormones are in play at each level. God bless~

[@proudatheist2042]

​​@@MMC-jp1glnot every relationship progresses as you described. Also, things get to a point where people can't fool themselves out of hard facts. Marriage and dating is a totally different kind of relationship compared to anything else. If one person doesn't like looking at their partner, then that sets the stage for resentment, denial, avoidance, disgust, all sorts of caustic emotions. I disagree with you. People to have valid reasons to tell their partner the hard truth if they are no longer attracted to the other person.

[@MMC-jp1gl]

@@proudatheist2042 If you break off a lifelong promise just b/c you don't get the emo or hormone "feelz" on a regular basis anymore, then you are immature and shouldn't be entering into a lifelong union. God bless~

[@billlohan5079]

This man is an excellent counsellor

[@Dhuxul9]

He is not

[@chosenone2666]

You're hitting home with the dish story. It took me years to not take it personally.

[@k2tal38]

Wow that is horrible what her mom said ! My father did a number on me and it’s taken years to try to get over it and I am 59 years old. It is really hard to get that out of your head.

[@imenehaddad2860]

Don't do this to anyone. If you're not attracted to someone leave them alone. You'll destroy them

[@danielrubio5623]

I agree, dont marry someone you are not attracted to. And it will be ok, looks arent everything, but they are part of attraction

[@anjaxtv]

Agree. So many people stuck in sexless marriages. One life don't waste it on another person who doesn't make you feel good.

[@keylacmckemp1309]

Actually, attraction comes and goes. The majority of marriages would end because at one point we were not attracted to our spouses. It's during those times you remember the great qualities that person had, what initially attracted you to them. You also seek, counseling, communicate, or work on loving yourself.

[@imenehaddad2860]

@@keylacmckemp1309 you have to be attracted to them initially

[@lindseysrouji5229]

This is a great, honest conversation!

[@DaleEarnhardt4ever]

This is great, but feel he missed a couple things. Postpartum depression can cause hormonal issues, which could effect her this way. On top of that, he didn’t ask if she is on a medication for her postpartum depression such as an SSRI. The medications used to help with the hormonal imbalance can have an unfortunate side effect on your libido as well. However all the advice he gave still is very helpful.

[@olganova3058]

Omg thank you for mentioning PD treatment! Great point!

[@JDAfrica]

It could be something as simple as increasing folate levels. Which fluctuate and drop in pregnancy. Several studies have identified a link between low folate levels and depression. Folic acid is required for the formation of the neurotransmitters serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, which are known to be deficient in depression.

[@katemiller7874]

Do not express this to your spouse they will always remember this it will change your relationship. Be kind to your partner. Always.

[@victorblock3421]

I have true love, loyalty, affection and wonderful companionship. I have a dog.

[@Pass12380]

Something I've learned during my marriage of 35 years, not telling everything and being honest to..., I rather be quiet and dealing with things by myself and sort things out with my higher self😢

[@jonathanbenevides1359]

man, he hit the nail on the head

[@maryarigho5868]

Your mind looking for a story to back up how you feel.........very insightful.

[@tayahhubbard-carter2675]

I’m struggling w the same thing but I’m 21 and married and I just think I was rushed because this is not something I really want I’m literally miserable

[@daniellem8790]

Childhood trauma from her mother mixed with a lot of religious ideologies about marrying equally yoked or another virgin (I was raised this way) can be so damaging to a woman. Her insecurities about not only herself but knowing her husband has done a very intimate act with another woman mixed with postpartum is a recipe for disaster. She has to want to change her mind about his ex. He was a different man then, different circumstances and without those things happening she would have never met or gotten to where she is now. It’s a part of his story and if she can’t learn to accept that and know that she “won”, she’s got the man and he chose her! If she can’t do that, their relationship will suffer.

[@sofiabravo1994]

Being taught to save our virginity for marriage to isn’t damaging, promiscuity in society has had way more destructive effects than being pure. Her traumatic experiences are exclusively caused by her cold mother. She didn’t mention being Christian as a child or anything religious. Many people like myself become believers as adults.

[@daniellem8790]

@@sofiabravo1994 I didn’t say anything negative about teaching children to save themselves until marriage. I wholeheartedly believe it to be better than the alternative. However, what I did or was trying to say is, that I believe it is or can be damaging to try and teach your child(ren) that the person you marry HAS to be a virgin also or else you’re not a good match. Do I think it could make things a bit easier? Absolutely! Is it wrong to marry someone who isn’t a virgin? Absolutely not! But with many religious circles or generally strict parents, marrying someone unequally yoked is a “no, no” and I simply do not agree with it.

[@daniellem8790]

** because what this ideology can fester is extreme guilt on - in this case the wife’s part - for being unequally yoked because how she was raised said not to do xyz. and a sense of inadequacy because she was an inexperienced virgin and her husband was not. Which then creates insecurities.

[@CrystalM1917]

That's why it is better to be equally yoked though. Studies even show that virgins are the happiest pairings amongst all groups of people. It's not something that someone else made you feel. It's an inherent value. A tenet of christianity and something that the Bible emphasizes as important. Lots of woes came about due to not following the law in the old testament for many men who were promiscuous with women. God calls both men and women to remain chaste until marriage. When that doesn't happen, Consequences of sin come about in different ways. Now they are both suffering bc his wife is insecure about him not being a virgin in their marriage and while it's something that she will have to overcome att his point, she would have served herself better by not marrying him in the first place.

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

There is no shame in being equally yoked to someone, nor is there any shame in remaining a virgin or valuing righteous sexual integrity in a marital/covenantal relationship. It’s societal shaming of these things that superimposes an ungodly reproach over such ideologies that does not come from the Lord. It is also possible that her husband still has a soul tie to his previous sexual partners and his wife can feel that in the spirit. It is a real thing. Ppl who have “become one” with multiple people, usually have soul ties to those people and have not been delivered of them and it can be perceived. Their wife/husband can still feel that “someone else” is in the bed/relationship with them and that needs to be dealt with. This is a real thing. It also happens thru pornography. So, it is quite possible that her issue goes much deeper than just her mom making her feel ugly. That’s just real talk.

[@emptysoul5057]

Sex after the baby is so hard. Especially since as the girl you kinda don't look the same and you wonder if he's doing his part just to be nice. You feel like shutting the lights out so he can't see you very well. And he'll say something that probably won't be bad to him but it'll make you cry. And physically it takes awhile for your bits to even resume function let alone pleasure. That being said once you push through the recovery and your relationship makes it through all that child making rough stuff if you really are a mutually loving couple you will see how strong your husband was to provide and care for you while you could not and he will look like a super man to you and you will love him more. Her Mom probably brainwashed her into a life time of insecurity but postpartum brings out the worst in us all. Now that my kid it nearly a year we have more sex than before the kid and a closer relationship with less tip toeing around conflict. Post partum is a test if you can get through it there's so much joy in the other side.

[@sb2017.]

Same thing happened to me. It requires daily effort to be kind yo one self, putting self care in priority, and constant communication with spouse to be extra loving. Yes and delete any temptation to look at social media

[@stevis78]

If you quit allowing him to have sex with you, or resist him even touching you, you've probably already told him.

[@V31lCl0ud]

Lift heavy weights. Eat real food and 500 calories above maintenance. Sleep 8 hours. Watch your hormone issues go away… It’s amazing what doing just this will do to not only your body, but your mind and self talk.

[@zeal4god402]

"Ya'll can go to a hotel and cause the wallpaper to come off." -John Delony 🤣

[@billykidman1879]

Why did she marry him if she's not attracted to him

[@lotusgsxr750]

Dang, this call taught me a few things.

[@terrencewilliams2939]

I might be mistaken but this phone call SOUNDS legit. If not, she made a perfect act on the call. I can feel the strugle

[@lifeisbeautiful9455]

My father verbally and physically abused his whole family. I can’t even say thing things he said to my mother or us. The man whose supposed to love and protect is being a bully and saying awful things daily, day and night.

[@Musicienne-DAB1995]

Same here.

[@lav7161]

Look at the comment section. No wonder relationships don't last nowadays. At any time of hardships, people just want to throw the relationship away. Couples don't want to work on problems anymore. They want fast food instead

[@anneshirley9560]

That's what was thinking. Geez. Everyone just says tells everyone to get divorced. Its crazy.

[@emmarose6590]

Exactly

[@tempjones3155]

At what point should we walk away and leave? I struggle with not knowing where the line is and I end up in really bad relationships for longer than I should have.

[@lav7161]

@@tempjones3155 The point should be what be what you had in mind BEFORE you got into the relationship in the first place. Don't extend to a point you originally didn't agree with

[@hollystiener16]

@@tempjones3155 That is when yu go to therapy to see why, so you can attract the right people.

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

I used to notice the anxiety voice suggesting worries just because I was hungry.

[@juliaperri6528]

I have never related to something more lmfao

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

@@juliaperri6528 Yeah. Good to notice though. Saves a lot of fretting. 🙂

[@Tbh-ww3vm]

If the husband brought up She’s sexier etc better looking That’s different than the wife’s feeling of being insecure Parents can be brutal And screw up kids throughout life

[@KitCatForever777]

I hate to say this but she is one or two compliments away from cheating, IMHO. How does her insecurities cause her to not be attracted to her husband?

[@johnsmith-kt7ef]

Agreed glad she's looking into this now, but she needs a good therapist to work this stuff out, bc this is a slippery slope. She also needs to be 100% honest with her husband, bc I'm guessing it was more of a passing statement then a "we need to talk about this and what I'm dealing with". To answer your question, I'm guessing she was a virgin and he was not, and now she is having the "what if" thoughts, bc modern society does not align with Christian views.

[@GardenerEarthGuy]

Hope he doesn't have a gardener doing work- I have a collection of panties I've taken from these types...

[@rustyshackleford6637]

she's close to engaging in penile behavior

[@starlingswallow]

She might think it's about him but it's about her. She doesn't feel pretty or worthy. That can and does affect your attraction to someone else. 😢

[@rustyshackleford6637]

@@starlingswallow it is about her slovenly ass

[@bloo22ca]

I can relate to some degree. Ive never dated anyone due to insecurity. And when i found out i that there was someone who was possibly into me... My first thought was "why?" There will always be a more handsome, taller, smarter, wealthier, or beautiful person than you. Just accept yourself and love youself becuase you are unique.

[@lizaw.7313]

Gosh poor girl, my heart breaks for her.

[@TheGoldenBone]

Poor darling. You are enough. You need to learn to leave that in the past and enjoy your marriage and your husband. You are more than enough.

[@nt3833]

I was really hoping this call was going to go in a different direction because what she brought up initially is actually something I have struggled with before. I don’t focus on it hardly, but it is hurtful to think about him being with other partners before me. It’s not because I’m insecure. It’s because I think sex is so special and intimate. I believe only husband and wife should know each other so intimately. I choose not to focus on that fact because I love him and know he loves me. But would I rather us have only been with each other? Yes!

[@aileenkrauchi6553]

Then you need to remember you chose him despite those details. That is on you and not him. You have to learn to let that go,because his past didn’t involve you and he didn’t do things before knowing you,to hurt you. That past you can’t fairly judge him for because it doesn’t involve you. God chooses us daily despite our past. Even when we have sinned against God and he has reason to. This is not your husband sinning against you. My husband in the reverse has felt this way towards me. I felt helpless , like I wronged him,even though I had done nothing wrong. Pray and ask God to let that go,because it’s not your husbands fault.

[@nt3833]

@@aileenkrauchi6553 you make some good points. Thank you.

[@skdjirrrdjdm3926]

I agree, I think he took the easy way and put everything on her being postpartum and things her mom said. Maybe he just didnt know how to address the very real emotion of her knowing something so intimate and special was shared with another woman? Not everyone can handle that. She's not wrong to be disturbed by knowing her husband had sex with another in the past, although I'll bet if she were told or believed that the other woman was "lame" or "disappointing" compared to her she wouldnt struggle as much.

[@CompleteInJesus]

God did design one man and one woman to be intimate in the covenant of marriage. When we step out of that, even in singleness, there are consequences. I don't like how the host and most of these comments are putting all the blame on the wife. Sure, her husband and your husband didn't intend to hurt you and her specifically. However, sexual sin in singleness hurts your future spouse. I wish the host would have asked her if she feels special to him. She said it has bothered her for their whole relationship, so I really don't think this has to do with their appearances. A spouse needs to know that they are the only person on the planet that their spouse wants to be intimate with. That can be difficult to believe when there is past sexual sin, without counseling. Before I knew who my husband was, I told an ex boyfriend that we dishonored God and our future spouse. Yes, Christ forgives us but we still have to deal with the consequences of our sin, such as it hurting the one we marry.

[@skdjirrrdjdm3926]

@@CompleteInJesus very well said!

[@thereisnopandemic]

I think it’s more about being territorial than feeling inadequate. It is for us men.

[@michaelwoods4495]

This kind of thing happens sometimes. So let's ask a different question, "How do I relearn to love my husband?" You can do it. You made promises and that matters. Whom can you ask? Are there local John Deloneys who could counsel you two? Please give it a go. My mother was somewhat hateful too. Interestingly, when I could cut loose from her nonsense and accept that she was a real dope with her own history, I was also able to care for her in her old age without resentment. Who would have guessed?

[@katemiller7874]

Great job. When we mature we realize our parents are people too. Not perfect. None of us are

[@timtresch4848]

When a woman losses her desire for a man its over. This dude needs to get away from this insecure woman asap, let her sort her problems out before she destroys him emotionally.

[@littlelam3691]

@@timtresch4848what a shallow, simplistic outlook

[@timtresch4848]

@@littlelam3691 ok but im right

[@amyteurlife9408]

My husband has 2 toes that are switched. The longer toe is where a shorter toe should be. I finally saw it after 22 years of marriage.

[@nt3833]

Holy cow, some of these comments are very harsh toward the caller. Did you even listen to the full conversation?!

[@tentrickspony8925]

She just doesn't wanna fudge him anymore.

[@starlingswallow]

Read: The Great Sex Rescue! It's an amazing book, especially regarding sexual baggage. My hubby and I are reading it now ❤

[@ruthirwin8222]

My mum often said, your not wearing that, but never told me i wasnt beautiful im not that beautiful, but i do the best i can

[@amosiren]

Honestly, not sure how any Christian enjoys intimacy and sex. You don't go your whole childhood thinking/being told you're a dirtbag for having natural sexual urges and thoughts to suddenly being a sexual adept partner- doesn't matter if you were a virgin or had multiple sexual partners.

[@istandwithgod2011]

Yip, the shame taught in especially American purity culture churches in relation to ones sexual being and self image is actually truly disturbing. Also Many of them may not be having sex, but masturbate and watch porn that by the time marriage is an option they also can have a very distorted world view on and about sex. I knew on gal who was told to avoid ever even being alone in a room with a boys. Like even having a guy friend was seem as shameful. This purity culture in the USA and very superficial ways they teach women in Christian books disturbs me and is truly nothing more than spiritual abuse in many cases.

[@joimonae4090]

@@istandwithgod2011 most Christians are having sex outside of marriage so I don’t know what you are referring to this isn’t the 1800s the Bible says not to celebrate Christmas yet many Christians do so again I don’t see your point people end up doing what they want America is filled with sex culture my body my choice sexual liberation even Christians support abortions so keep the Bible out of this people do what the heck they want to wether they call themselves Christian’s or not

[@amiramahgoub]

There's always something wrong with the parents, whatever they have beloved child or not chosen one! I struggled with insecurity and low self-esteem and it's not getting better whatever they tells me how lovely I am.

[@gsquared2394]

Man, parents can really mess their kids up if they’re not careful. This lady’s mom sounds like quite a witch, and misery loves company.

[@ilsevdg1194]

indeed

[@David-wo9un]

She’s not attracted to him because she thinks he compares her to a woman he was involved with PRIOR to their getting together?

[@josephinenelan4204]

There’s plenty of stories of people cheating with past partners and anonymous stories online of people venting they miss or preferred their past partners. It’s not “unbelievable”. But it sounds like she feels insecure, from different directions, so she gets stuck on that and probably stays on the subject and doesn’t know how to break the thought cycle. Possibly looking at those stories online fueling the fire. She said he lost weight recently, and possibly now in better shape than her so she’s scared he’ll see that and act on it. She needs help, and to be honest with her husband, to get personal counseling and calmly and clearly ask for reassurance from him, even if it’s an effort he just kiss her a little more often now that work/kids are in the way.

[@emmarose6590]

Yes David that is what she said. People being intimate with other people does bother some people. It shows you’ve connected and been intimate with someone else. Comparison is a major thing that can affect your spouse.

[@texan903]

@@emmarose6590 she'll need to get over it or file for a divorce. Everyone's life experiences can differ vastly from person to person. This woman honestly seems immature. She knew her husband had a past, so if it was a deal breaker for her, she should've left him, and not married him.

[@noone-dv1jo]

@@emmarose6590 Yeah I agree with the original comment, this is such a dumb thing to be insecure about

[@CrystalM1917]

Yes, she should have never married him. I think she thought she could get over it, but then new barriers to intimacy crop up, making it even harder to want to be with him so that's where the baby being a catalyst comes into the equation. In her eyes, she lost attraction to him bc of him being with someone else, so virginity was a core value for her. Her only choices now are to somehow get over it, which would take lots of work on her part or leave.