How Do We Stop Financially Supporting Our Family?

[@diresa22]

My mom did the same to me. She wanted me to support my brothers as well. I said no and until today (10 years ago) I'm still the evil one in the family. I stop caring about it. It was painfully at the beginning but now I'm used to.

[@kbanghart]

Ouch that is horrible. Sorry about all that

[@heartSLB]

I’m glad you’re over it. It’s not worth it caring for people who only sees you as an atm machine

[@onicaclahar9847]

@@missmayakenya4302 Once you stop supporting people you become the bad person.

[@brianal7143]

I'm going through this right now. Tired and over it

[@jaredbills72]

Same here. My mom was a kind lady and always tried to help the kids, perhaps too much. When she passed my siblings would come to me for their woes, financial or other. I would help them in the wrong way (giving money for things they don't need, co-signed on a car loan). Now I am going to provide help by educating or directing them ro resources but I'm not going to be the brother or uncle that is seen as a bank.

[@coniccinoc]

Don't give money to people who treat you poorly. Took me decades and THOUSANDS of dollars to learn this.

[@gmarie3053]

They don’t even love you, you just become a cash cow. Sometimes they even live better back home.

[@coniccinoc]

@@gmarie3053 I gave a lot when I had little and it was never enough. Now, after over 2 decades of no contact, I have a lot and have a line in my will that states they have been intentionally excluded, they get nothing.

[@annap8867]

Me too...

[@ameliaandes797]

​​@@gmarie3053yeap!. They created a falsly lifestyle on their own .

[@Roxana_Official]

well family is family. even if they want you only for money, ok what can we do? they raised us. they are in need of our assistance as their children, how can i live happily knowing my dad for example doesnt have enough money to buy things he likes?! would you not expect the same from your children when they grow up? If not then whats the point of having kids if you know when they are gone into their own life they won't support you?!!! ( im not from south america BTW)

[@sunnykindagal]

We announced to all our kids that “The Bank of Dad and Mom “ is closed. This worked for everyone

[@isabelbecerra9258]

😂😂

[@itzelr3514]

And when you are the bank to mom dad and the rest ?

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

While my mom was in the same position sending money back home , I was also in this position when I was trying to help a single mom out . It was never enough . The relationship became about hitting me up for money for the next emergency. It was never ending . So I cut it off and cut her off . Problem solved .

[@Tunechi65]

It's so tough. Especially if you're an immigrant. It's like expected of you to support. Hard to support and also make your own finances in a good position. The guilt trip is unbelievable

[@NoneYa-pg6dk]

@@Tunechi65 yeap, you can only do so much. even if you try to help them fish for their own fishes, they don't want to do it. at that point you just have to let them learn the hard way. i can do it, but my husband is still in the process and i trying my best to be patient.

[@Sheryl777]

@rebeccaoprea9917 Yes it's always one emergency after another....I'm sure you noticed that too.

[@carlosquintanilla4088]

@@Tunechi65 little do they know is that most single young male migrants work 2 or 3 jobs, share a room, eat cheap to save money and it sucks that they are expected to help the entire extended family.

[@raccuia1]

Telling people NO when they ask for money (family or no family) is so cathartic. A succinct NO. Then shut up and watch their reaction. It's fun to watch when they act like petulant, peevish children. Sit back with your popcorn, watch the shit show and laugh in their face.

[@nigelorion]

if you give family money. they will eventually always just want more. it never works. sad but just gotta put up the boundary and move on with your life.

[@xenn4985]

I could never understand this. I literally have to force my family to accept money I give them.

[@coniccinoc]

It is never enough.

[@mikewright2858]

I wouldn't mind helping out a bit if there were an emergency, like someone's house burned down or something, but regular checks in the mail, never happening.

[@Diana_Rocha]

Im from South America and if he was my husband I would definitely tell him this has to stop ✋ if he has to support his mom all the siblings should do it as well, period.

[@JDAfrica]

My paternal grandmother was broke … so her brothers said to the family “everyone should chip in” …. She had 2 brothers, 3 sons and 7 grandchildren. First thing I said - when everyone else has paid in, then ask me… until then, no thanks

[@jojo_rose341]

I agree

[@christinadavis7000]

No is absolutely my favorite word. I’ve conditioned my family to not ask me for money.

[@janelleg597]

🙏

[@christinadavis7000]

@@Quinu12 I’ll think about it 😆

[@THEBIGGESTSCUMBAG]

GREAT WORK, BREAK THE VICTIM MENTALITY 🥇

[@JP-ps1ut]

I have done the same thing many years ago. when a family member would ask for money, I would ask what they are doing with their money - they don't like that because they realize they could have the money if they stop wasting it.

[@celestethomas4495]

"NO." is a complete sentence.

[@adamseidel9780]

Call the mother and the mother only and inform her how much money she can expect to receive going forward and that no additional money will be provided for any other relative or any other reason. Tell her it’s a short call. Tell her if anybody else calls to disagree, you won’t be discussing it with them. That’s it. It’s not a conversation. You’re informing them what the deal is. The discussion is over. Tell them the news and then end the call.

[@zainafyl]

😂🤭 lol

[@changgeorge2411]

This is not how Latino families work.

[@neisci]

Better he needs to call his mom and inform her of such. African, Asian, Latino families are entitled ( I know it can happen in any family but those groups...) , if you dont put a stop to it will never go away.

[@catherinemitchell6202]

Excellent

[@BlueDauntless]

@@changgeorge2411That’s how boundaries work though.

[@bpaige12]

This happens all the time and majority of the time the family back home as living more luxurious then the person has working themselves into the ground.

[@asmabukhari1948]

Very much true

[@vatoverde9112]

They are not leaving a luxurious lifestyle, but just having the choice to not work and someone else pays all your bills is la luxury in itself

[@teresaontiveros5243]

I’m going through the same exact situation. Sending money back home while my sister and her adult son just sit around waiting for the money to arrive. My sister has a degree and could be working but she doesn’t want to work for someone else, she says that the money is not enough working for an institution. she has few private clients but not enough to pay for their living expenses, she doesn’t asked me directly but she tells me that they don’t have food, electricity, internet or they are about to cut the water service. I forgot to mention that my father also lives with her. When my mother died we decided to let her keep my mother’s house because she always lived with my mother and she was the only one without a house. I drove a truck all the way to Mexico because her car was destroyed after her son crashed it and I wanted her to have a vehicle so she could work but is never enough, she is 52 and continues getting in all kind of trouble. I’m the one always helping her and I’m tired. It was funny that I came across this episode because it is not even two hours from the time I had a conversation with her, I told her I was done. I’m a 60 year old woman that still works like most people, I’m getting closer to retirement and I have to get ready for that. I have helped my siblings since I was a little girl. I had always been a second mother for them but I’m tired. I love them dearly but I’m done .

[@Sheryl777]

Sometimes we have to face the sad fact that some people only care about you because of what you can do for them.

[@BloomfieldMalls]

I learned this the hard way, luckily now I have some friends who are there for me no matter what, but there are lot of users out there

[@Sheryl777]

@@BloomfieldMalls 👍

[@Sheryl777]

@@BloomfieldMalls 👍

[@ca6177]

True!

[@RoyalMind-k2h]

True

[@Taylormademan900]

I feel for the lady especially at the end when she mentioned she even pays for their flights and for them to stay two months. Even if they are appreciative and kind you are still renting family and friends. I'm sure those dinners and any recreational activities are paid for by this lady and her husband. You feel like what it is "You are being used because there is no reciprocating. I guarantee when thst lady visits Colombia she's paying for everything there too.

[@ameliaandes797]

Of course she and the husband will pay because they have been paying for stuff so more family will come with their demands. The couple should never say the date of their arrival or departure.

[@azmv5285]

One thing I've learned throughout the years is to set clear boundaries with family. My husband and I became a bank to our siblings and my mom for years and we would have to hunt people down for repayment on money they borrowed from us. It eventually became "gifts" to them because they would never payback the money or they would say I thought you gave me the money? It got so bad that my mother thought she was entitled to monthly financial help just because she was my mother. I eventually stopped sending her money and thats when I would receive a phone call from her. So now we no longer loan money to anyone and they quickly distanced themselves from us.

[@genxx2724]

“We haven’t been paid back, so now we don’t have the money to lend.”

[@lisadearing5960]

Money sure does bring out people’s true colors!

[@NonchalanceInvasion]

There needs to be a 3 hour special on this topic

[@bellavida8846]

I have seen my dad send money, build a house, and it’s never enough. He is still sending, not taking care of himself here. I no longer say anything because he says, “it’s my money”. Okay, I will never give them any money.

[@paul_domici]

I'm of Brazilian descent and I know the culture well!!! They think all Americans are very Rich and they are very poor! He should have never allowed them to become dependent on him! Now he just has to cut them off!!!

[@MsMockingbird06]

Same in African countries.

[@vickieclark5931]

Yeah, for some reason, many people in other countries think we are all loaded over here. They don't realize that just because America has always been considered a wealthy nation they think that the civilians are. We are no wealthier than any other nation. Sure other nations may make a fraction of what we make, but their bills are a fraction of ours also. It all comes out the same.

[@chrisannmaye9474]

Same in Jamaica

[@jreteeksjreteeks8868]

@@chrisannmaye9474 I am watching this because of my family in Jamaica

[@Roxana_Official]

well thats truth. $500 US can pay and help a lot in somewhere like Venezuela or brazil.

[@YourFunkiness]

When the family's treating you as a villain for not giving them as much money as they want, they always get better at wanting faster than you get better at making, and you'll always stay the villain.

[@NoneYa-pg6dk]

i feel for her. i was in her shoes for over 10 years. this year my husband and I finally came up with a system that keeps me out of his family drama. good luck to her. it's a lot of healing. if she see's this, please know that you are not a bad person and unfortunately, you can't make everyone happy. this don't make them bad people either; however, you are not in a position to be the foundation for their family functions.

[@huss2600]

Whats the system?

[@random-nz7dy]

I think a lot of people in countries like that just kind of have this idea that everybody in America is just super rich with basically an unlimited cash flow. So there's really not this perception of oh they're under financial duress and yet we keep asking them for money. But sometimes you have to make a hard thing and go against what is culturally "normal" and say no more.

[@lyndaslocs]

Like me, super rich with that never-ending cash flow!😜

[@Taylormademan900]

They don't realize that in the USA money is a necessity. Where in poorer Latin American countries they rely on each other, live with each other, and share everything. They are uneducated because they don't understand how financially the stress over money is in the USA. Just because you live in the USA doesn't mean you are rich.

[@Taylormademan900]

I'm friends with a family from Colombia who moved to Northern California. They either didn't have money or didn't want to spend their money. They became a financial burden especially with cultural differences.

[@blossom6235]

I am in exactly the same situation with my family, they completely drained me, the only time I hear from them is when they want money, when I call they ignore all my calls and messages, I feel used and abused, I feel like cutting them off forever, I feel a lot of resentment towards them, for treating me that way, to think I pay bills for a house I dont even live in, I take care of my mum,brother and his 20 year old son financially, and they dont even appreciate me for It, to be honest I had enough, to them I'm only a money tree, a ATM machine, I feel so upset 😭😭😭😭

[@Diana_Rocha]

Stop giving them money, block them on your phone

[@michelejohnson6459]

Wow! You have made some bad choices. Not to late to change.

[@BlueDauntless]

Tell them no and stop giving them money. You aren’t the bad one here.

[@vaska1999]

Stop giving them money altogether. Just stop! Tell them you made a bad investment, have lost all your money and have gone bankrupt. As a result, you don't have the money to support them any more. Or, that you've lost your old job and the new one pays you only half of what used to make, so you're barely managing to make ends meet and don't have any money to send them any more. And you don't know if and when you'll be able to resume helping them , the economy being what it is. You just don't know if it will ever again be possible. And then stick to your story. If they try to pressure you, play the victim. They'll soon drop out of your life.

[@sehoujay]

Youre a dumbass for taking care of them and letting them treat you like trash. I have no sympathy for you.

[@thegenxgamerr]

The husband has to do it, he cant put his wife in that situation. I mean she knows the deal with the mom but he has to put an end to the nonsense. This woman is in a tough spot, but its on him not her.

[@crzyruskie86]

Exactly. Men are the heads of households there anyway so if it comes from him they know it means business. He needs to stop letting them guilt him into the poor house.

[@summerforever6736]

Same money!

[@COINsimp2024]

Exactly right.

[@alinatamashevich3354]

She picked this clown over many decent guys. Her problem!

[@thegenxgamerr]

@@alinatamashevich3354 I understand your point, I personally dont like women who whine about their married lives which seems to be a theme on the delony show. This is a finance issue though, and its the husbands family, hes got to lay down the law here, not her.

[@aryheen]

You can help the family when you have extra money but when you are struggling YOU COME FIRST, ALWAYS and then you can help with your mother in law groceries, the rest is not your business. You are the one in control of the situation. Stop helping.

[@aissers6840]

In my case my siblings became leeches

[@alexpeters7159]

My wife is from Thailand and her parents need support for food and bills since there is no 401k or Social security benefits. We do send money to help the parents live and eat but helping any of the siblings is out of the question. Things are way different in other countries and really have a bad setup for the elderly especially

[@eurekahope5310]

It makes sense to support Mom in a society without our advantages. Sending expected checks to able bodied siblings is another matter.

[@donaldcornwell1151]

totally get it here. Same situation

[@Evil-Rod-Farva]

Which is why men need to be very suspicious of marrying women from those cultures. Their family view you as a meal ticket, and expect you to bridge the gap for their own failings and that of their society. You need to sniff that out up front. I married an Eastern gal and wouldn’t change a thing, but understand women will take advantage of your good nature.

[@markwhittaker6866]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva Very true.

[@vickieclark5931]

@@Evil-Rod-Farva I agree. Especially if you make really good money. That woman or man that you marry could be marrying you just cause their family overseas needs support. Best to marry someone from your own country and save the hassle.

[@kahlilcalvo9610]

I experienced the same that I have almost forgotten myself & the real ME...did it for 2 decades...I came to a point that you were the 1 adjusting despite you were the 1 supporting BUT thank GOD the REAL ME bursted & cursed them all...No guilt & No regrets... I even THANK GOD for the wake up call...

[@californiadreamer2580]

It's simple exploitation, not generousity, when relatives are demanding that you fund them.

[@murphyville]

Husband is a doormat. He is being manipulated by his family. His family is lazy. Get a job!

[@alinatamashevich3354]

She picked this clown!

[@BusArch42]

@@alinatamashevich3354they had an agreement but he’s not following it

[@alinatamashevich3354]

@@BusArch42 Again, she picked him!

[@BusArch42]

@@alinatamashevich3354 and he can be unpicked

[@georgewagner7787]

Of course they're going to try to guilt him. I have a goddaughter who only calls when she wants money. She wanted cash and not a gift card for her birthday so she blocked me. But I won't send cash to people who smoke dope.

[@davidturk6170]

They made it easy for you by blocking you.

[@Frank00]

Good for you

[@b_bogg]

I don’t send money to people that eat fast food

[@ameliaandes797]

Hopefully you don't fall for her guilt trap if she doesn't call you. Honestly, to block you because you said, no or refuse.🙄🙄

[@heartSLB]

$400 to be removed from your income every month and give away to perfectly capable of working human beings is tough. It’s a major dent in your budget and it’s getting in the way of reaching your own goals. If the family members were his kids he left behind, that would be understandable and mandatory even. But siblings? Really? The mother, is there a way to bring her to live in the US with you guys? If there was, than I would do it, and kiss the siblings goodbye for good. No one should feel responsible for supporting their siblings, it ain’t natural

[@sehoujay]

Older siblings at that

[@Jane-rh7tc]

pretty common problem everywhere. My mother in law's sister was the same, likes nice brand name stuff, spent a lot of $$ on everyday stuff, and cry to my mother in law said she so poor have no $$ to buy house, my mother in law asked us kids to help, her daughter (my sister in law) said no way, not going to pay for them to buy a new house when their tv is bigger than ours. haha

[@vorhees8208]

My wife is Filipina. I love their culture. We don't send money back to her family but I know some have asked. Her mom is very self sufficient which we love. Not every culture is perfect- two people from different cultures can make it work through compromise.

[@georgewagner7787]

Filipino culture expects it. They see Americans as wealthy

[@codys5727]

This is pretty common for Filipinos. I have a friend who sends much of her income to her family and is gracious to do it but I can't imagine it is easy having the weight and expectation to take care of several family members on your plate

[@nodsib]

Same here, we do send some money monthly, but only a couple hundred because her mom is too old and in too poor health to work, but we won’t support the older siblings other than the occasional gift.

[@Originalman144]

@@codys5727 Your friend is being manipulated, probably by her mother or grandmother. Hopefully she can overcome it and give what she can without compromising her own financial security.

[@pamielicud6304]

Filipinos are mostly successful here in the U.S and in returned we were able to helped our families back home.

[@drewdelaney4166]

Aint that simple John. My father was dating woman from Colombia and she was struggling financially herself but sending her mother back in Colombia $1000 a month to live. When my father suggested maybe that’s a bit excessive because it’s hurting herself here in the USA to much she went ballistic on my father saying how dare he say what she should be sending to her own mother. A lot of these South American families and culture differences will never be easy fix and her husband is caught between rock and a hard place. Price to pay for marrying into a stark cultural difference

[@justinbowman2126]

John said it wasn’t simple. According to the caller her husband wants to stop too.

[@kbanghart]

@@justinbowman2126 yes but is going to be very difficult for the couple to be on the same page, probably

[@shachede6828]

Because the way of life over there is different it’s not like America. In my country not North America it’s same. Life is hard there so supporting a bit is important

[@kbanghart]

@@shachede6828 that's true, a lot of Americans won't even understand what you're talking about.

[@Tunechi65]

@@kbanghart specially if you're an immigrant. It's like expected of you to support. Hard to support and also make your own finances in a good position. The guilt trip is unbelievable

[@tristanrodenhauser5267]

$400-$500 a month is a solid income in most the world The siblings need to work and help out The idea they’d send a equivalent of a mortgage payment each month just starting out is a lot

[@timbmd]

400 - 500 a month is also a lot for most people in the USA!

[@vwalker58]

Family can be the worse,(most)!😡 They can take from you but you can not get anything from them.😒 My family is the worse only my mother will support me!💗

[@ip4157]

Give each person in your family the opportunity to grow up, keep your money in your own pocket.

[@bridgettetraveler658]

I have family members I don't talk to because they always want something! I have in-laws who hate me because my husband & I stopped taking care of them after he retired! I told him I wasn't gonna take care of grown ppl who gamble all their money away & call us for help! Family will break u & move on to the next fool!!!

[@hyzerfl1p]

Smart

[@billmelater6470]

Family should be a possible means to support when in need, but not a source of income.

[@Coryraisa]

Even so, you should not expect family to bail you out even if you're in "need."

[@billmelater6470]

@@Coryraisa Completely agreed. Just to clarify, the "should" also places a huge duty on anyone requesting help.

[@ReefGeek]

It's sad that she doesn't see it that she's enabling them and giving them money that they can't afford to give. Giving money away is a decision you make, no one is forcing you to. Just like spending money, you choose where and what to spend it on.

[@timbmd]

Years of conditioning since childhood and being manipulated in many ways, it's hard to say no. But he has got to pluck up a courage to say NO!

[@princekiki33]

Yeah this is a hard one, as a hispanic first generation American it is just a norm for the kids to take care of their parents its how families survived in their countries. People up till not so long ago still died of starvation so this is long line of generational transition its going to be hard to break

[@hyzerfl1p]

I get that but they don’t realize how expensive it is in the USA. Most immigrants are not make a lot so sending 400 or more home to take care of multiple people is very hard .!it’s even worse when they feel entitled to your money. It’s such a shame

[@joseCalderon1976]

My wife helps my mother in law that's 70+ years old in Nicaragua (that's were we are from originally) with like $240 per month. She's a very humble lady and she helped me save my marriage when I messed up. She was here when I messed up. I love her and she always tells us that if we can't help her, it's ok. I always will. I love my wife too. She's a homemaker and a good woman. But that's a very different story than the one told here on this video. I wouldn't do that! Support people that can work and are young? What? Am I wrong?

[@ameliaandes797]

Listen to more stories and you will see that some families overseas get corrupted because it is easy money for them to spend to brag of their improve lifestyle. The only way to know for sure is to do a surprise visit to see how they live.

[@scottlaux6934]

$240 isn't $1000. I think that's fine.

[@albertomarin2199]

If we don’t set boundaries on family members when it comes to money, they will have free ride all their life, mom it’s ok help, but not his siblings,they just want a free ride and easy money, they can work. it’s worth the try getting it from him as long as they can, I’m Hispanic so I understand mom needs help, but siblings want free stuff, don’t allow it dude. Don’t let let them make you feel guilty, help them grow up, quit feeding their hunger for money. 🤷‍♂️

[@NoneYa-pg6dk]

yeah, i honor helping parents too, but only when they are old and can't work. i respect some want to support parents before retirement. however, i have trouble with my inlaws. once they know we open our door, they want to swing it wide open. it's so hard to want to help but not get taken advantage of. it happened too many time.

[@pulidobl]

@@NoneYa-pg6dkSame here.

[@Jose_Jimenez]

Your husband needs to understand that you didn't get married to help his family, you got married to have your own family.

[@tracy5721]

Maybe he got married to support his family?

[@batirtzeurkiaga1716]

Wow. That's an interesting call!. There are plenty of sayings in Spanish, and this one goes 'a tradition becomes a law'. All the best to this couple. In this case the ladies back home will have to do something too.

[@gillianessien7417]

Dr. Doloney is soooo good at this stuff 👏🏽👏🏽

[@justinecorrington4106]

I am glad Dr. John mentioned that its also cultural norm.

[@drewbaker5364]

Send money to the Mom and that's it. Plus, phones have a neat feature called decline call or block. It's not like the family is going to show up at their door asking for money.

[@THEBIGGESTSCUMBAG]

SEND MONEY *ONCE* & LET THEM KNOW THAT’S ALL THEY GET. SOMEONE ELSE OUTSIDE OF THE DIRECT FAMILY UNIT IS *NOT* YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

[@karenrowles9788]

😂

[@lyndaslocs]

A lot of times, the folks back home take advantage of family who live abroad.

[@blossom6235]

True, I am going through that

[@aissers6840]

its been years....I need to set boundaries because its too draining and it's unfair to my husband

[@babydoll4698]

@@aissers6840omg im struggling with this too😢 since bc i live in usa for couple years they feels entitled for my money i hardly make,even when i tell them that i need x amount of money just go to the doctor bc everything is expensive here. Meanwhile my mom is asking me to pay for her cruise and other bs when she is in debt herself

[@babydoll4698]

@@aissers6840i could understand if i was in my 30s but i just turned 24 and im sending money since i was 18 and so tired

[@greymatters7039]

This is an AWESOME conversation to have. A lot of families, even in America, always have their hand out. Yes. How do we stop them and maintain family love ❤️?

[@crzyruskie86]

There is no love from them if its simply based on money. They didn't have a problem being dirt poor when their son was there, why is it all of a sudden a problem if he stops sending them money?

[@John3.36]

Cut down the payments over time. 300 a month, then 200, then 100. Give them time to change gradually.

[@heartSLB]

I would be radical and shock them so they could get off their arses faster

[@Aitchotwo1]

Honestly, it’s so simple. Tell family you are struggling mightily due to business/ investments etc tanking and you urgently need a large cash repayment of what you gave them. Watch them scuttle. Tell them all later you just dodged disaster but can’t ever help them again. If they squeal, remind them they never helped when YOU were desperate. Hopefully some might have stepped in to help, but tell them thankx but helping out has stopped forever. You’re not a bank or lending institution.

[@eurekahope5310]

The minute they treat him as a "villain," the money stops. If they paid to get him to the US, he should just reimburse them then only give out of kindness occasionally than obligation.

[@kstar1956]

If he wants to support and send money to his mom then fine, come up with a reasonable monthly number. As far as the siblings he needs to put his foot down. Family or not he can’t afford to support them.

[@MrTmenzo]

You just ignore their phone calls when calling for more money lol

[@THEBIGGESTSCUMBAG]

OR BLOCK*

[@home4life505]

My friend has a large fam in cuba. They have such huge expectations. Incl the lastest phns although they dont have internet (they steal hotel wifi). Her husband put his foot down. I suggested she pay one fam 100 every mnth. Then next mnth another fam and so in (13+ individual families). Mind you, the average salary in cuba is 30/mnth. Her fam told her that 100 is unacceptable.

[@ang9968]

Lol😂 I would say ok then. Zero is so much better!

[@lizard928]

I can understand in some cultures its all about family but they also will take advantage of you once you close that door keep it closed you will have peace about it and if they get upset so be it, you can love family from a distance its not your job to care everyone or their problems, you are obligated to yourself and no one else. I put my foot down and was considered the black sheep because I would not give into my needy family'. I lead the example of hard work pays off and being financially responsible, I'm not rich, I have my own stuff, never asked anyone for anything and I let family know I am not a door mat.

[@NoneYa-pg6dk]

yeah you go girl. i want to be this confident one day soon. I'm in the process and i'm feeling more free everyday i learn how to be myself and stand up for myself. my in-laws will make comments about us. passive ones like, we are the rich one with the big house. the offensive one like, we're greedy. they're not the most horrible people and i am grateful for what they've helped us with so far, even though they made sure we pay them back the favor and make sure we knew they felt burden by it. example, my husband and i worked first shift, and i know it's a lot ask them to babysit, so i eventually moved to second shift, but my husband doesn't get home in time, so i would drop the kids off for them to watch 1-2 hours but that was still too much for them. so i said f-it, one of us needs to do overnight and so glad that we did. It was also normal in my culture for the groom's family to pay for the wedding. his family made it hard and so we saved up the cost and paid it ourselves. i'm glad that people told us no because it pushed us to be self-sufficient. we were young so i held onto a grude longer that i needed, but now i respect it. I will always remember we stand in their lives and so i place them where they place us, bottom of my priority unless it's an emergency.

[@alexfonseca2063]

This is why marrying someone of the same culture is very important.

[@michelemalec7452]

Until another "issue" arises with your husbands family members, same culture or not!

[@alexfonseca2063]

@@michelemalec7452 There are always issues. But, the same culture generally makes it easier. Of course, there are exceptions like always.

[@vorhees8208]

Depends on the person. My wife is Filipina. Love their culture and not too fond of American culture to be fair. To each their own.

[@eurekahope5310]

Marriage is about compromise. Robust premarital counseling would be wise for any couple, but especially those with significant cultural differences. They should have discussed who and how much they would support before marriage. I'm guessing she agreed to Mom but now Mom want her other babies on the gravy train. Maybe they should write mom a check and she can disperse as she sees fit, not constantly ask for more.

[@thekraemer1757]

I have known several men and women over the years that married foreigners and it always the same. Once the honeymoon is over all bets are off. All but one divorced within a few years

[@KnowledgeIsComfort]

Wow. This call really makes me appreciate and love my own family!!!! We get together, have a wonderful time and never discuss money. Btw, we’re all American 😂

[@superior120v5]

They could just say they lost their jobs and stop giving money or at least give less.

[@ethanKirsch-b4n]

This is my life being helping my parents and sisters family 26 year still bothering me for money

[@castilloc1]

There is no way the husband is done with it too

[@jreinel1966]

I'll support my parents,every body else can take a walk...!..😇😁😇..!

[@patriciabrant8037]

Take a walk yourself. You like wearing a halo?

[@vaska1999]

Good for you if you can afford it. Given today's economy, most people can't.

[@smj7916]

As an African, you’ll never stop helping family members. You’ll only reduce the number of people you help. I expected the same when I was there. We pay it forward.

[@ladiibug3318]

You also don’t put your family and needs in a bind to do so. I’m African but I’m also thankful that my family doesn’t come off as needy. I prefer to help when it’s in my heart to do so

[@home4life505]

They are many videos on youtube that say otherwise.

[@gmarie3053]

Speak for yourself 😭 As a Nigerian, we stopped sending money. We’ll do everything in our power to get you out, but we can’t find your life back home. They have jobs in Lagos too.

[@tefidekizildeniz6329]

When i got a good master scholarship in EU, my mom was very upset and she said she can not allow me cause i supposed to finish my BSc and start to earn immediately for supporting my other sister. I was so sad and mad and i told my mom she is not my child. But this conversation broke my heart and my motivation. So i also gave up. But this was not finished. My mom pushed me to buy them a flat, a car and a land and asked support for my other sister after several years later. But all those did not make happy to my family cause now she started to ask for changing flat that was brand new one but she said she wants more luxury...meanwhile i have not anything, even a simple car...so enough is enough and now i am the worse child among my other sisters...so i told my mom, let me sell out everything and ask others to buy you an accommodation. Then she became a bit softer

[@andrewmitchell7850]

The best thing you can do for someone is to let them sweat.

[@kbanghart]

1:20 you can always tell the call is not going to go too well when the caller answers a question by starting out, "Sooo......"

[@PapaOsmubal.OscarBalajadia]

This lady is pitiful. A man married her conditionally- it’s not love at all. Her marriage is treated like a source of income for the husband’s family. This is stupid.

[@blossom6235]

True, It is pure wickedness

[@rahuliyer7456]

My wife and I are both US citizens and Americans... living in Arizona. I am American by birth. My wife is an immigrant from Vietnam. She immigrated after marrying me. That was 20 years ago. When she first came to the USA there was a time... about 7 years...where she did not send a single dime to Vietnam. We were so busy getting out careers going, getting financially stable, getting a house, get savings, and avoiding debt that we didn't have any money to spare. After about 7 years...we got to a point when we were in a place to potentially start. Even then, my wife talked with her mother about how much money. We agreed on an amount and we started. We have since become generous when we could...but it was never an obligation. It was out of kindness. We even politely pushed back when they wanted us to pay for what we viewed as frivolous.

[@Lifeislife6989]

I regularly give financial support to my parents and my dad wanted more, so sad. He said to me don't you ever brag about your support which is too small

[@rraaiiyyaann]

don't lie to yourself. Set a percentage aside if you can. for me its about 15%. Send it to your family, if they ask for more, say No cause you already decided that is the amount you can setup. setting a percentage aside from your money to help others (specially your family) would make you feel happy and in peace spending the rest in things you like or saving it. If my family get somehow self sufficient, I would still find a good cause to give this money for.. I do it mostly for myself to feel better than for them

[@wyattjames540]

Smoothest end of call I’ve ever seen by Mr. Delony

[@MrPokemon248]

It will never EVER be enough money. They will always need more.

[@LifeandLifeMoreAbundantly]

Good call, would have loved to hear what George had to say.

[@Jannjari]

Daughter-in-law changing the chemistry in the family.

[@maximusthemerciful9452]

He’s married to her not them. She’s his main priority not them. He has to spend the rest of his life with her and the family they create.

[@vaska1999]

Ooh, aren't you entitled!

[@NipItInTheBud100]

oh hell no. If they disrespect me so much as to make me feel guilty for not supporting their asses, then they get cut off cold turkey. Lets see how they make it on their own with nothing coming from me!

[@theveggiegardener]

I am as well. Ever since I kindly told my mother a year ago that I cant continue to support them financially or my older brother then my mom started giving me the silent treatment in the way of not calling me anymore or ask how I am doing. She only will text if she needs to. And still after I told her that I can't afford to help out the family, she still expects me to host every holiday and birthday, make/buy the food and expects me to buy everyone presents. She never does this to my 2 brothers. My oldest brother is living with my parents because he only wants to work part time and not grow up and they give him money and help him but could care less how I am doing financially or mentally. So cruel. She texted me this week and asked "are you going to do anthing for your daddy for Father's day on Sunday?" So always wanting something from me.

[@andiclemenza6476]

I feel this to my core 🥺🥺🥺

[@Mrs.Silversmith]

Helping a parent as they get older, especially if they live somewhere that doesn't really have much in the way of programs or benefits for the elderly, makes sense. However, his siblings should be supporting themselves unless they are disabled or something.

[@hyzerfl1p]

I agree. Imo they feel entitled to their money

[@weaselton]

It’s called block the number.

[@Fishouta]

Dang it. We only got to hear the first part of how much is being sent. Dr. D sure has a knack for cutting people off when they are talking

[@patrickchilds5486]

My wife is from Peru. They are better off but still some expected my wife helping pay their way. Finally stopped but it’s normal there to expect help.

[@xyz987123abc]

My family helped me here but they wanted a detailed description of my plan for independence.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

Just stop giving them. It's not that hard. Just send it to his mom. Which you agreed to before marriage.

[@KS-cl8br]

Yes 100%

[@alinatamashevich3354]

And there it is, the stupidity of Jimmy/Saul shines through. She picked this clown

[@jimroscovius]

Just stop doing it. Stop giving them money. Ignore what they say. It's not hard. They are choosing to be beggars. Just stop.

[@hyzerfl1p]

I have a friend from Kenya. He moved here from a small village. He would have people outside his family even calling him asking for iPhones and money for their business ideas . I get that they are poor and probably don’t realize that rent is 2 or 3 k in Boston where he lives. But this is so common with immigrants who are from poor countries.

[@jojo_rose341]

as the baby sibling I can attest that the older siblings will always see you as someone to control if its not a healthy family and they fall into abusing the influence they have over you, they dont see you as an adult but they def see your adult money 😂

[@katiejon17]

The “stark differences” are NOT about birth order, or the caller being an only child. It’s about her husband’s family treating adult kids as cash-cows, and her family not.

[@mrcrowleyoz]

If mom and dad don’t save for retirement, that’s their fault. If your family in a foreign country asks you for money just because you live here in the US that’s called being a freeloader. If people can survive there so can your folks. I once loaned a family member $600 bucks a couple years ago, and I have no idea when I will be paid back . Lesson, focus on your life and help those who are struggling to become self sufficient, but don’t become someone’s babysitter.

[@sakamotothecat17]

Coming from similar culture like the husband's caller, we are expected to support our parents. That's just how it is. I understand because the retirement plan is bad here. Almost nothing, unless you work for the government or big companies. Supoorting sibling is different. They are still young and able body, should've work.

[@vaska1999]

In some countries, people are so poor that they can't save for retirement because they're barely making it for one month to another, year after year. Even in the US, the majority of people are living from one paycheck to another.

[@Virtues162]

Excellent Advice!!!!

[@coffeewiththeunknown8302]

My ex was Eastern European and would do this. I saw the narcissism along with other things and decided to dip.

[@godspeedrr5790]

Too late mama. You’re stuck. You married the family lol 😂

[@KS-cl8br]

No she only agreed to the MIL embicile not the others

[@gidmanone]

J 336 In 3rd world countries the family unit is the only way to survive. There is no individuality there when it comes to finances. Your family keeps your alive. Their mentality is one of survival. They all pool their money together go into debt and send their smartest one to a rich country then expect that person to send the money back and repay the debt as well as make their life easier. They view family as a group, not an individual like we do here. That is the misunderstanding. J 336

[@vickieclark5931]

I agree, which is why it's best to be careful who you are marrying. You never know if you could get suckered into paying for a family 5,000 miles away every month. Goes to show that there aren't just leaches in America, they are all over the world.

[@gidmanone]

@@vickieclark5931 Vickie, sadly, you do not understand my comment.

[@nleem3361]

Have some conversations with them to help them set up a plan for jobs, business, education or trainings that will lead that person to be self sufficient? I know the lady and her husband and many other people with relatives in poverty in other countries are just taking care of the basics, but there needs to be a bigger plan everyone is working towards. Have one person give something for nothing indefinitely is not a good plan. The people in those countries are likely in panic mode and it's hard to think clearly and come up with alternative plans while in panic especially when they have a cash cow and easy solution to get them through the thing.

[@paulmarshall7092]

Family gets together once a week, normally for weekend day out and lunch. Parents, brothers and sister. sometimes not all at the same time. My siblings all have their own families but we get together on a regular basis. Problem is that myself or my Parents pay for these weekends. Recently we all managed to meet on the same weekend which was great. I paid the bill, was just happy that my parents were happy. Found out my sister in law put in a complaint to the restaurant about the food and service (nobody complained at the time and i tipped well).My sister in law receive a voucher for £120 from her complaint and when i asked why she just said so she could take her friends out. I paid that bill and there was no issues, it was my name on the reservation and now i feel i can no longer booked a restaurant i really liked. This has cause friction because my sister in law just complained in the hope of getting something but i feel she has damaged my reputation in doing so.

[@scott4825]

So go find the manager/owner, give them the 120, and then tell your brother and sister in law that you will never pay for their meal again.

[@paulmarshall7092]

@@scott4825 Actually done that in the past but not anymore. Apologized and hope to enjoy their services again. Family can be so toxic sometimes but Mum is 86 and my main concern is keeping Mum happy which plays against me. Mum's happy, i'm happy but hate the vultures who pretend to enjoy family interaction then complain. Just hope her friends had a wonderful time without the attitude.

[@scott4825]

@@paulmarshall7092 My family is mostly crazy, but no garbage like that. Sorry you have to deal with it, but total respect for putting mom first.

[@tiffanydrouin2622]

A lot of people in third world countries view Americans as people who will just freely give their money away because that's what a lot of charities and church ministries do to them to "help with out." Frequently the dollar amounts are so unfathomably large in the eyes of locals that they get overwhelmed and end up mismanaging the funds. Kind of like the typical person who wins the jackpot in the lottery and 5 years later ends up broke.

[@joeriveracomedy]

Reminds me of a brazilian chick on 90 day fiance who didn't invite fam to her posh wedding. They would not have understood why a mil was spent on the ceremony when that money could be sent home to the slums.

[@vaska1999]

I don't understand it either. Disgusting.

[@Elizabeth_lowkeyluxuries]

Send $ to mom if they have it after all bills are paid and that's it. Not that hard.

[@Lucas259]

Hello Elizabeth

[@hgjjkhghjk]

i can not .i will lose every thing .

[@marziamartignoni5585]

Late reply, but, as a foreigner myself, I see that supporting one's family abroad is the biggest stereotype upon us and, unfortunately, true. Americans, make things clear with your spouses from other country before getting in such a sticky situation!

[@sav3316]

How do I say no if i still live at home, the money my mom asks me, is the money i should save up to move out and get a drivers license. I feel trapped. Do I lie about my income?

[@simplyme922]

Wife will never fully understand the weight of husband's culture. He needs to decide how much of that culture he's willing to carry, what is sustainable for him, deal with what his wife is willing to tolerate, and how his decisions will affect his circle of relationships. He needs to be the caller because in the end, it's the thoughts in His head he needs to lie with when his mother no longer needs support.

[@donaldcornwell1151]

you are 100% right on that. My wife and I are in a similar situation and this is no joke, the mental image people in her native country have of Americans was forged by the TV show "Dallas". Im seriously not joking. They don't know the reality here.

[@mikewright2858]

@@Quinu12 It's not a matter of right or wrong - they can have whatever 'culture' they want. To me the issue is that they should have handled this before being married. She signed up for this, and I bet she knew beforehand he sent money back to his family. Personally, I wouldn't marry someone in that position, just as I wouldn't have married someone with $200k in student loans. My wallet, my choice.

[@gehmangang8006]

The obstacles of marriage from different cultures. It matters more than you think. I'm thinking you should definitely think about those things before you tie the knot.

[@jeannet7443]

Definitely agree.

[@andriartayudianto8918]

Most cultures and support systems are still products of the middle ages. Parents have kids mainly for support in their old age. Pretty selfish in my view. In this day and age, you can compound your wealth & grow passive incomes. People should brake this unhealthy cycle of the young supporting the old. Parents should never rely on their kids for financial support. Parents should be responsible of their own finances. Don't expect anything from your kids. Don't add burden to their hard life. If I ever have kids, they will never owe me a dime, because it's solely my own decision to have them.