How Do You Find New Life after an Affair?

After an affair, the lives of both the unfaithful and the betrayed are seldom ever the same. It can feel as though that version of themselves is gone forever and their left without any hope of returning to who they were before the affair. Today Samuel offers much needed hope and guidance for those looking to find themselves again.
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- Access 3,000+ Q&A Videos, Articles and Mentor Stories
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- Talk with others in the private Recovery Library Forums
“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida
HEAL with Affair Recovery:
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairrecovery.com/our-blog. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.

[@ToFishTeacher]

Samuel you are so awesome. I love the heart you put into making THIS message of redemption in particular. Just as I was watching, though, I'd be concerned that anyone still in an affair will misconstrue your suggestion that one should "stop trying to live up to an image of what the world says you should be, and be true to yourself" because in the unfaithful's brokenness, the narrative is: the real me IS this racy risk taker who doesn't lead a boring monogamous life! When someone hasn't yet reached a for-real awareness of why they blew up their life, they are deluded into thinking "I'm finally being true to myself! F everybody else who tried to put me into a dutiful husband box!" Could you address that in a future video dovetail to this one?

[@dracekidjr]

Thank you for making these videos. I have a lot of questions for myself and decisions to make and these videos have given me solace and perspective.

[@bloo92]

Good morning from NYC, Sam :) I've been watching your videos for months, ever since my wife discovered my affair. Your videos have helped me find and put the words i needed to describe aspects of my personality, describe my actions and feelings, and a few other things. I want to thank you for this one specifically, because before this new year, i was a bit of a mess of a person (having to deal with stress coming at me from several sources, my infidelity being one of them), and i have been wondering how my wife and I can move further forward in our recovery. People-pleasing has always been a problem for me. As you say in this video, i had abandoned myself over and over again in order to please and appease others. I'm gonna be 31in a few months, so... Better late than never to realize what needs to be worked on, right? 😅 Thank you, Sam. Thank you so much. The birth of my son last May reignited my belief in God, and i try to live my new life by being grateful every day.

[@bloo92]

I wrote that comment before watching the last 2 minutes of the video, and that was a mistake :p Wow! Sent shivers down my spine, made me smile really big, and almost made me cry!! What a way to end the video. Thank you again, Samuel. That's the truth some of us need to hear and have etched into our minds. Change doesn't happen overnight or with minimal effort. Change happens because of effort, because we want to be better and do better. Because they deserve it, and so do we.

[@samshealingpodcast]

so honored I could help in some small way. Look at our free bootcamp on our site to help you both: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp then i would look at the ems online course for you both.

[@AprilWitch3276]

Thanks for your amazing work that help me in this dark time. I pray for my resurrection. Greetings from Italy❣️

[@samshealingpodcast]

hi there. thank you for the kind words. love italy. so great to hear from you.

[@ashleyhunte6293]

Thank you for being consistent with posting videos regularly and weekly.

[@samshealingpodcast]

thank you for the kind words my friend.

[@reginildemasseca6477]

Great reflection. Thanks from Angola

[@lakelady7793]

What is it about that 20 year mark? It seems someone always cheats around 20 something.

[@jackmeikle2018]

On point as always. Thank you.

[@samshealingpodcast]

i wish it was always but thank you so much for the encouragement.

[@JohnDoe-xg6gn]

Always appreciated your videos are helping through the toughest period of my life, along with a wonderful friend who stands by me, doesn't let me down and is bearing the brunt of my sorrow. I have one question though. Do you have videos about the case in which the unfaithful partner stubbornly refuses to acknowledge their betrayal and own their responsibility? I have collected quite some evidence about her affair but am really longing for a spontaneous disclosure, which only could pave the way to forgiveness in my eyes. Even if then we were to separate for good I'd love to forgive her, but cannot with her attitude, made of denial and stonewalling.

[@samshealingpodcast]

sometimes when you do have and present proof, they will accept what they did and humble themselves. unfortunately, sometimes they still will live in denial and say that that is not true, not them etc. it can be very painful and it can seem as though they are really just 'off' mentally. i would gather all the info you can, have it put together and consider approaching them graciously, with proof to let them see you're not living like this anymore and not living in deception or blindness to their choices anymore. i hope that helps.

[@JohnDoe-xg6gn]

@@samshealingpodcast thanks for your wonderful help Sam. If I may ask for more advice since I can't afford to pay for courses at the moment. I expect her to blame me for snooping and prying into her things (that's how I found clear proof to confirm my suspicions and earlier clues) and that may lead her to entrench even more. I know neither of us can leave our current family because of many reasons including financial reasons, as we're interdependent on each other. So I really think she's denying not only out of shame but especially out of self-protection. She wants to live her affair while at the same time having a hole to fall back on. As you said I cannot accept this anymore, unless, as per another video, I take the same route , start cheating and living a covert relationship with another woman. I don't wanna go there. She justifies herself for hiding her affair (overheard a conversation) because I'd not be 'ready for the truth' in her own words. I feel on the other hand I'm all for the truth. It's her who doesn't want the truth 'cause cannot accept the consequences. How do I bring her round to taking a clear stance and decide whether she wants In or out of our relationship/family? Thank you very much for your help since I have no other professional advice I can afford right now. I will let everyone know of your great work for all living this hell. God bless you

[@nataliebetson6330]

My husband of 21 years has moved in with his affair partner…I don’t think there is any hope left for us😢💔

[@BLACKMONGOOSE13]

There is hope. I have heard your story before, and the couple was reconciled. The qualifications for an affair partner are way different than a life partner. Often times when someone moves in with their affair partner, they discover they’re not a good life partner. Especially if they move in during the Limerence phase. You just need to decide how long you’re going to wait. Do your best to live your life as if you were moving on. Working on you is what’s best for both of you.

[@mayettedunevitz4296]

Can you recommend a marriage counselor for me and my husband? We are having infidelity issue. Looking forward for your recommendation

[@angelinacarralez7056]

Hello, question. My husband admits to sleeping with someone unprotected and has not seen her in over a year and was to ashamed to see her after, should I pursue that to make sure there isn’t a child from that situation? I feel the need to “protect” myself from finding that out down the road after we have already started our healing. I guess I am trying to fill cracks in our future foundation.

[@niravshukla6999]

If you can add sub titles it will be easy for some people to understand. I can understand but i am talking about other people

[@samshealingpodcast]

i believe you can turn them on through youtube, no?

[@leannclaypole581]

Requested to join your Instagram page ❤