How Do You Get A Rolling Stone to Open Up? [Avoidant Attachment]

[@brandonf24]

I know how to get my needs met...finding someone else. 😂

[@asadahmed3431]

😂

[@theooogirl3495]

"I dont need to make demands of you i know how to get my needs met, thats okay. Just come to me when your ready."i think those are the relieving words my avoidant partner wants to hear, and i think im ready to actually believe that and implement it myself. I think there has been a lot of demands on my end because i cant self soothe i now understand what i need is on me, not him.

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

I tried this. It led to sex becoming even less frequent, maximum once a year and that was an effort from his side.

[@iaraaraujo3869]

You deserve to be loved by a human being capable of connecting and intimacy. Be very careful on giving them everything because they might not have the same return.

[@amirherselman]

How amazing this would be

[@Sky10811]

Did this approach work?

[@asadahmed3431]

Does anyone else think this is messed up? Like if someone doesn't wanna take care of you how can you be in a relationship?

[@Dana-oo9kp]

“I AM love.” The highest, most beautiful and perfect frequency. So spiritual. And brilliantly presented. I’m so profoundly touched. ❤️ Thank you for this.

[@sisters299]

I respect this woman so much the way she breaks down everyone’s attachment styles is so diplomatic and with so much holding and space 🤍🤍🤍it’s wholesome wisdom personified.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

@sisters299 Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!

[@nedalifeable]

I need to write this down. So beautifully said! Thank you, I needed to hear it phrased the way you said it. A good reminder that love should be abundant and freely given without conditional attachment, and still having boundaries in place to be in a secure place of confidence.

[@bouncybutterfly7753]

So basically it’s saying that you will get your needs met somewhere else. This is the same idea of a spouse who doesn’t get her needs met with her DA husband. So she gets her needs met outside of the relationship. It seems that it’s a matter of not being compatible... until the DA is willing to actually connect in a more secure way. It is not fair in any way to expect someone to sit by lonely and discarded and still be giving. F that.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Bouncy Butterfly Thank you for your comment in your reflections. I think you might find this video interesting. If I Can Meet My Own Needs, Why Be in Relationship? + 3 Steps to Release Suffering in Love

[@mariamvictor8242]

How to help open up video is also great in this regard. .I'm advicing everyone watching this beautiful video to check the other one also. . They are complimentary & great. . Do thank you. .❤

[@Nomad.Hawk_87]

I turn this generosity toward myself :) i find tremendous strength and energy in doing so... i remember every single day how free and autonomous i am ! It's quite reassuring in fact. I knew it but facing a partner who's very avoidant and will never do the first step, i was met with the fact that i really have that amount of energy inside me. And i can use it in order to feel good, to feel creative, to feel joyful ! It's when anxiety turns into excitement for life, i guess... :)

[@mariamvictor8242]

Take care everyone watching At minute 3 this how you talk to yourself not to the avoidant other wise you are telling an unsecure person directly that he is having a problem so be ready to get a ton of blame for things you are not responsible for or even know nothing about it.. Great demonstration I do love your videos ❤

[@kokoro9301]

Whoa! This was so so epic! Mind imploded!

[@ariadne6104]

It almost seems like a “haha I’m getting my needs met and you’re not” .. I’m here whenever u want me

[@CapricornSunSagRisingLibraMoon]

Wow Briana! That was beautiful. I wish I could remember how to say it just like that to my ex boyfriend. :)

[@Thedeepsyxxproject]

WOW, I came across this at the right time! REALLY needed this right now. This is perfect!

[@deuxquatresixhuit]

This is beautiful!!! It really resonated, I'll have to come back to this many times! Thank you Briana!

[@alexeiderperezhernandez461]

Holly sh*** the Universe knows my situation and sends me this woman to encourage and advise me exactly what I need

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Alexeider Pérez Hernández Thank you for commenting. I’m glad the content has been helpful!

[@alibertylover]

Wow, you perfectly described the social dynamic in my last relationship. Unfortunately, it was terminated due to lack of acceptable continuity, but I will forever love her.

[@danielaung691]

Did you terminate it or did she?

[@alibertylover]

@@danielaung691 / l walked away after a 15 year on & off again relationship.

[@dreaminofsaturn]

Came here to learn how to handle someone but turns out these were the words I needed to hear myself

[@Revolution-tl5wo]

Anxious--Avoidant relationships are a match made in hell. Not worth it. Not worth the fight to get your needs met, not worth doing all the emotional labor, not worth being disregarded and then, finally, discarded. Nope. Never again.

[@mrsimo7144]

I hope you are happy now?

[@BERESTARA]

Owww, you have beaten all psychologists , you are amazing

[@ericgeorge6564]

What you say resonates very strongly.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Eric George 💛💝✌ glad it resonates!

[@thewallflower7483]

How do your needs get met from other sources when you want your partner to say I love you and hug and kiss you. I definitely don’t want forced affection. What if they never meet that need .. like how long is someone supposed to be patient with a rolling stone to open up?

[@amirherselman]

I wish I could find someone that could be this understanding in this scenario 😅

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

If a rolling stone complains about me wanting to hug them more than once a day in a committed relationship, and if he refuses any kind of intimacy, then these are not needs that can be met elsewhere. I tried for years to give him space. All he said was, don't pressure me. But he refused to talk about things in our relationship at all. When I had reached breaking point, he feared to lose me and THEN he all of a sudden wanted to open up and talk and loved me etc... But then I already had a nervous breakdown that took me a year to recover from. Turns out he had tried to deny the reality of human emotions altogether and tried to repress his. Stonewalling, gaslighting, everything was ok if it meant he wouldn't need to let me in and be in danger of being hurt. Briana, does this still sound like a rolling stone? I'm having difficulties figuring out who he even was. He wouldn't listen to me. The hugs felt in the end platonic,and I had to ask for them. A nightmare.

[@emilyb5557]

Potentially Aspy spectrum, won't change the incompatible but might help you understand and heal and know it wasn't about *you* although whatever it was it wasn't! X

[@janefaceinthewind6260]

@@emilyb5557 That's incredibly kind of you to say. The thing is, it wasn't always like this. The first years he was a completely different person and one day it just flipped. He told me he didn't want intimacy because he was scared of being vulnerable but that sex is connected to emotions with him as well and since he tried to repress them, everything else got repressed as well. Now, he has strong PTSD and I have the impression that it could possibly come from that. He also seems to have rejection sensitivity dysphoria and that may come from PTSD as well. I'm not under the impression that he may have ADHD though, it just doesn't fit at all....

[@sisters299]

I looooooooove the intro!! 👌🏼

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

@sisters299 Glad you liked this video! Thank you for commenting.

[@mrsimo7144]

You have just nailed it. Amazing work and amazing words. Love to you all from the UK ❤️

[@Sky10811]

Great video!

[@Beastius24]

Since I am an anxious attachment person, it's a good training for me. I love her. Will see how it works out. Since I have become cognizant of these dynamics and started facing hell from childhood, it has become easier.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Máté Andrási. Sending you well wishes on your journey.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Máté Andrási. Sending you well wishes on your journey.

[@TheLadyIzabela]

All avoidants should have a group therapy!!! Someone help them!!!! How can you be with a person like this??? Why would I need to meet my needs somewhere else? Why would you have to wait for someone? That’s absolutely ridiculous!!!! They need to understand they need to change!!! Please don’t waste your time waiting for somone who might never ever give you what you need. Reach it somewhere else! My relationship with an avoidant was going backwards all the time. The feeling of abounded is painful and you don’t deserve to feel it because they have issues! Please!!!!

[@hibiscus1688]

I so agree with you. The healthiest response to dealing with someone like that is to RUN THE OTHER WAY FAST. If they want to change, they'll do it on their own. We shouldn't shrink ourselves to accommodate the avoidants, since they don't accommodate anybody. Unless they want to meet you halfway and do their homework... RUN.

[@TheLadyIzabela]

Hibis Cus yess!!! Absolutely! We shouldn’t be hurting ourselves. I have been dating and avoidant and it turned into a trauma bond on my side which I can’t heal till today.

[@mer-ced-es]

YES YES YES

[@CyberPunkBadGuy]

@@mer-ced-es No No No

[@severogarciavelazquez7244]

I think that the best love for no only a partner, but also friends, family is to respect the way they are, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to live without expectations. A gardener that cares for a flower doesn't stop watering the it because he wants it to blossom and wait for its beauty, they don't expect a rose to become something else but try to care the best they can so it becomes the most beautifull rose in the street. Now I think that an advise not to love some one is an act of egoism. It doesn't matter wether it is and abundant, anxious, or secure kind of personality we all deserve the love and if someone want's to keep doing the best for that person no one should be giving advise to give up on them but encorage them and saludate them for their goodness, for sharing their love and try to help them see that they are not alone. Now that's loving yourself because you love to see someone feel they are loved without expectations of getting anything in return.

[@A_lilBitRatchet]

I really like your earrings. They look Fulani-inspired.

[@simbathecat5789]

I binge all your videos they have helped me immensely x

[@jimmagwojo2718]

Thank you for this, it was amazingly profound and insightful

[@xw6475]

Wow! This is so deep and so informative! So maybe, I am the one who is being selfish and it's time to take a look on myself. Thank you so much ❤️💚👏

[@grendelsmama2302]

Loved every word ❤️ that’s the energy I need to be in. It’s such a freeing feeling

[@Delgado-ot4lq]

Is it possible that we might also have to decide it is best to leave and love them from a distance because keeping contact is just too painful? As an act of self-care in cases where they cant commit or the mixed signals are severely affecting your well-being? I totally understand your point here and it is a very good one. Just hard in certain situations. Love and light🙏 Thank you for sharing your passion and wisdom with us

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Delgado 7777 I think when we believe that love is expressed through physical resources and time, we believe that to express unconditional love means that we have to give someone all of our physical resources and time. But physical resources and time are just one expression of love. And if it becomes apparent that the person you’re with is not a good fit for that expression, then the love needs to express itself in different ways, or you risk abandoning yourself.And that may be loving them from a distance. This is where you have to step into deep dialogue with your boundaries to determine how as a spiritual being you were going to move through this physical experience with this person. And so, unconditional love and regard is actually an intangible thing. It is a felt experience. We over associate it with our time and resources because we are stuck in an over-emphasis on the external world, but really the most loving thing you can offer someone is full authentic presence. And the only way we can achieve that is by dis-associating and un-identifying ourselves from our time and physical resources. It doesn’t mean that we don’t appreciate those things, or value them, or that we shouldn’t be intentional with how we allocate them, we most definitely should be. But we need to recognize them for what they are. And we need to understand love for what it is. And that is, separate from what they are.

[@Delgado-ot4lq]

@@brianamacwilliam.attachment what a beautiful shift in perspective! Thank you for taking the time to read this and offer support in understanding better. It makes sense. 🙏💜🙏

[@WhiskyGravy]

@@brianamacwilliam.attachment Beautifully said, thank you. This is *also* meeting my needs 'outside of him', so that I can give into him unconditionally. Thank you-- from me, and him.😌🙏

[@thewallflower7483]

I feel like if the avoidant isn’t telling you he loves you and gives you affection than it’s being reserved for someone else .. especially if that affection was once there and then stopped

[@denim_ak]

Hey Briana. You touch on something here that’s become relevant to me now. It’s a long story and I still feel weird talking about it but I stumbled onto a sort of long distance empathy ability about a year ago where I realized I could connect to people’s energy on command and it gives me a lot of insight into others, more than just “being an empath” like I was before, it’s like super empathy. Problem is i have to go through life pretending that I can’t do that because it would scare away 99% of people. And none of what I see with that ability is admissible in court for lack of better words so I can know things but can’t admit that I know them. I want to just be honest but feel I can’t which I fear could mean I’m doomed to never be in a truly open honest relationship. Do you have any advice or videos on fostering relationships with people when you have access to insight like that? It’s kind of a burden because I’m capable of knowing whether our vibes mesh in a compatible way pretty much instantly but that doesn’t necessarily mean our minds, values and beliefs are compatible so I get excited when I see a soul I think is beautiful often for our minds to not be in alignment if that makes sense. Never thought I’d find a potential resource to ask about this but you seem pretty open about spirits and energy so I’m guessing this falls into your domain. It’s hard when I want to be completely open but again, 99% of people would either think I’m crazy or just believe me but be afraid of being that vulnerable. The silver lining is by connecting to different peoples energy regardless of distance (like literally several states away and probably anywhere I just haven’t tested that) I’m able to sort of meet my needs on my own by feeling intimacy through those energetic connections. But I’ve always had mixed feelings about the ethics of that. I’m self taught and justified it to myself because by honing the ability I can do a bit of energy work but I don’t know if it’s possible to mess up so I’ve hoped to find a guide at some point. Hope that doesn’t sound too crazy. It was a very interesting year learning how to do it. Thanks.

[@clownworld4655]

The key is the DA/FA/AA becoming self aware. I’m AA/FA and since I’m self aware I consciously recognize my behavior and work through it. Currently dealing with another AA/FA who is even more avoidant than me (I have to initiate contact to work through problems) and I’m realizing how difficult I must be to deal with lol.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experience, Clown World. Sending you well wishes on your journey.

[@mer-ced-es]

This only works if you're not already in love with the Rolling Stone :/ I think if you try doing this whilst having deep feelings for them and they don't open up HALF as much as you do... I tried that with endless patience and it traumatized me.

[@Chef8898]

In this case you didnt understand the video as you were still depending on the rolling stone to meet your needs. Your waiting was focused on the rolling stone instead of focused on yourself.

[@ahmedyehia123]

Love this , thanks 🙏🏼

[@jovankrstic250]

Thank you so much on this insight!💐

[@joyjayantichatterjee7940]

This was beautiful, thanks so much

[@killerqueen1974]

my ex and I have been hanging out a few times a week since Dec 2018, after we broke up in april of 2018. We met back in 2011. It was a really bad breakup. I owned my side of it and have humbly asked for forgiveness. Last weekend we went to a hotel with our almost 5 year old daughter. We hooked up after she fell asleep. We have hooked up several times since Dec 2018. After intimate moments, she seems to withdraw some days afterwards. She wont hold hands in public, and french kissing happened just once this summer when we hooked up in July. She has a wall around herself. How can I get through emotionally? I have worked alot on my self, and can controll myself whenever she lashes out. I never get angry or raise my voice anymore. I think I am a little anxious attachment wise, and my ex girlfriend is obviously avoidant. She was alot by herself in childhood, she has told me.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

killerqueen1974 thank you for watching and sharing a bit of your process. I think this video might be useful. How To Achieve Secure Attachment Fast (NOT "Self-Improvement").

[@phatato]

Super insightful, thank you!

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

I am glad you like it. Thanks for commenting!

[@DrummerSi]

Christ. Can I marry you? 😂 More great advice. Thanks for sharing.

[@Nicole-fl8gv]

How about what I need is to know they care an love me an want a relationship why is it conditional? If I give u give 50-50 why is it so difficult that’s healthy communication ! Not shutting down it’s emotional abuse

[@oluwaaluah7853]

Lol. Love this. Something I feel I naturally know..hence why I don't bother in relationships especially in this country, cos There are a lot of healing required all around.

[@apope06]

A lot of videos ask very little accountability for avoidant partners to step up their role in a relationship. And in my opinion this kind of appeasement is not okay.

[@familiamckenziefriend1130]

Wow!! This is amazing ❤🌈

[@retributionangel5078]

Does the Rolling Stone not see that as weakness if you say you will wait for them an not engang in Dateing others? After all they see expresions of feelings as weakness & presure on them. So how is that diffrent?

[@brandonf24]

Completely off topic...but what does a healthy, successful, and longlasting relationship look like? I've reiterated it time and again on your vids about my five year struggle with an avoidant spouse...and I presume that the unfortunate truth is that nothing lasts. Why get emotionally invested at all really? Other than to satisfy a biological imperative from time to time, I don't see the point anymore. 😅 I've been hurt enough and endured my own trauma and hospitalization...now I could care less about being cognizant of their needs or getting too close. I've been depleted and have no desire to give or bend over backwards for someone anymore...or trying to prove my worth to them or myself. Consider my lesson in avoidance as well earned. In hindsight, I wish I had said, "I can get my needs met with many other people. Bye! Now you can be relieved, you broken, controlling, and emotionally abusive waste of time."

[@TheLUCYCAT]

It is too much work, isn't it?

[@brandonf24]

@@TheLUCYCAT YES

[@jordanlevitt1638]

I think you really just have to know what you want and what you're willing to accept. If your partner isn't giving you what you want from the relationship and you can't meet them there because you want more, then move on to someone else. Don't waste your time trying to change them. Secure relationships also have a certain amount of flexibility, still it doesn't mean you have to be happy to receive 10% and give 90%.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Brandon Faun thank you for watching and commenting. You might like this video. Six Signs of a Secure Relationship [Attachment Theory]

[@dmitryisaev5955]

Weird approach, really. Two have needs. Two try to satisfy needs. Good or bad. If you instead go to other people for the needs, you are missing in the relationship. Makes no sense to stay there. I stay in the relationship my needs are not met, I turn for them outside of the relationship, but stay the relationship where my needs are not met. Totally illogic…

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective, @dmitryisaev5955.

[@jessieprahmmiles6406]

Rrading these comments and questions, it seems that many are coming from a perspective of being anxious - wanting to change the one you're in a relationship with. When you're coming from the secure perspective, you see this more as, "what is my role in this relationship?". And it has no bearing on your own self worth. When my interest is distancing, I view it as an opportunity to focus on myself more whether it be studying something new, increasing my business load, cleaning/organizing, spending time with friends. When my interest is not distancing, I still focus on those things, but also make time for him. I do not sacrifice myself to spend time with him or talk to him. Part of what is so attractive to him in regards to me is that I am not demanding of his time & attention. I've been in a relationship with an anxious-avoidant. Good Lord! I found myself feeling like a ping pong ball going between "give me love" and "give me space". Hell! It stirred those own desires up in myself. I realize now that I became more of an avoidant in that particular relationship because the anxious side of him was suffocating me. I often used the phrase, "I don't *need* you, I *want* you in my life". He couldn't grasp that thought until after we decided to end our 13 year relationship. *Need* can feel like a trap. It breeds codependency in a relationship. *Want* allows you to be free to be yourself. The questions are - Do you want to be trapped or free? Do you want to trap someone or allow them to choose you? When you *need* someone, you're putting a thick iron collar around their neck, but you're also having to carry that thick chain in tow to make sure they don't get away. If you're finding yourself needing things from someone, and you're losing yourself, then you're not with the right person. Each individual is their own person. Not all avoidants are the same. Also, I would do a bit of self reflection to see what your role is in the relationship. If you're secure enough, you're not worried about what they're doing as long as it's not crossing the healthy boundaries you've set. BTW Healthy boundaries are part of being secure. One last thing- I have found that exploring this relationship with someone is quite avoidant similar to "old fashioned" dating. It's spending time to get to really know each other on a more intimate level without rushing things. It's developing a strong foundation for a healthy relationship. It's finally finding someone that totally understands I *want* him in my life, but I don't *need* him in my life. And being an avoidant, that gives him the space to *want* me in his life. It really feels great to be wanted over needed. And it's amazing when you do the self work to be secure in a relationship.

[@jrosine27]

Well I finally grew enough to say the words but the delivery was a little more dramatic lol. Its hard to separate the emotion from it but I am there.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Congratulations on reaching that milestone! It can be tough to find the right balance between emotion and delivery, but it sounds like you made it work. It's like a muscle, the more your exercise it, the easier it gets. Thank you for sharing!

[@raularmas317]

I want her to open up(be expressive of her own thoughts and especially feelings) so that we can relate better. I was willing to be emotionally vulnerable in the space she held for me. But bc of her own DA issue she has chosen to thus far SPIN me as a too weak beta male simp. I have grown a lot mentally, emotionally, and Spiritually since then. I'd like to believe that she likes that she helped me become stronger, more assertive. But, she's not looking close enough-- I am different. We need each other's help to become better...as individuals and as a possible team or couple. This can only come about as she experiences me as a person with higher standards than I had before and can show her that I am just as capable of leaving a situation where she chooses willfully( as a working adult woman) not to express the same kind of emotional vulnerability that I committed to showing as an adult. I know as a human male I am already seen as an inconsistent "flake" by a lot of people's outdated standards. I (as the male) am expected to be impatient, and disloyal showing no regard for my stated DA/love interests' feelings bc I told people I loved her and believed I should/ought to marry her after a reasonable courtship period. After all, just bc I am a Christian is not an acceptable excuse for not knowing about the traits that make her unique. Ultimately, I want to provide the same kind of safe space for her that she so thoughtfully provided for me so she can experience the same kind of relief that comes from expressing too-long denied feelings of resentment and betrayal by members of her family of origin or other "friends" or "family" who betrayed her innocent and ignorant trust and/or knowingly or unknowingly lied to her about emotional intimacy, what a healthy relationship should look like, and how to pick safe people to befriend.

[@emilydarr5750]

Thank you thank you thank you 🙏🏼

[@TheHawksEyeYT]

Thank you i needed this. I came to that conclusion as well but i started to doubt everything since right now that Person kinda with draws so i have a question: I want to be there for them and give them the time they need without any agenda as you said but i also want to let them know that this dry Phase makes me a Bit uneasy because i think being honest would help more than just not adressing the Problem. So how do i explain that I miss the more frequent communication without seeming like i Force them to fit my needs? I just want to tell them i don't demand that they need to give up their space and stuff

[@TheLUCYCAT]

One would have to be really balanced to accomplish this. But then the relationship would not even exist. I think we connect through our neurosis, more than our state of balance ,unfortunatelly, and we are deep in before we realize it. I am in a relationship with a rolling stone, and even knowing what is happening I still have a knee-jerk reaction when he triggers me. And it's sooooo much work ! I think I am an open heart, but ..............

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

TheLUCYCAT Thank you for watching and for commenting. I think you might appreciate this video. kzbin.info/www/bejne/p5_EnK2qqNRogrc

[@sandipants21]

beautiful!

[@asadahmed3431]

How about goodbye..

[@pskoubo]

I view "being in a relationship to have your needs met" and "over reliance on a partner to meet your needs" as completely different statements. Often times, like this vid you use them interchangeably. You are very smart, but in this case I have a hard time making sense of your theory.

[@nissa111]

Is there anyway to get in contact with you?

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Yes you can contact my team at brianamacwilliam.com.

[@EBM_Worldwide]

hey briana , why do we bother this is all so much work? is difficult love ever worth it?

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Love is only difficult when our egos resist the flow of expansion, and we don't trust "I will be okay no matter what.". You might like this video:kzbin.info/www/bejne/p4qtoYmdi9KgjqM

[@iaraaraujo3869]

The only way to stay with these people is by having an affair. Because there is no connection and emotional intimancy.

[@Risingphoenixx66]

I guess that if you say to someone take the time you need for yourself cime time when you are ready ut would give the other one so much air that sitting by themselves thinking about what is "aloud" to have they woyld gladly return. Pressure and being needed kills all the attraction, I.ve learned my lessons ,

[@gravytruck]

This didn't answer the question though.

[@gregorystinette8271]

Wow, epic

[@veravujovic4685]

I adore you!

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Vera Vujovic Thank you! Much appreciated.

[@jboy4023]

I can’t really go get my sexual needs met. I am married and monogamous. Saying I know how to go get my needs met sounds manipulative and coercive. But I do understand letting her be how she is. That I am starting to get.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Your comment touches on something so many people struggle with-the balance between personal needs and the boundaries of a committed relationship. When we say things like "knowing how to get your needs met," it doesn't necessarily imply manipulation or coercion. It's more about understanding your own needs and then communicating them effectively within the constraints of your relationship, especially one that is monogamous and committed. I hear you on the point about respecting your partner's individuality, 'letting her be how she is.' That's a significant step in relationship growth. Acknowledging that you both are separate individuals with unique needs can relieve a lot of tension. It allows for more authentic conversations about how to find mutual ground, including for things as intimate as sexual needs. In a long-term, monogamous relationship like a marriage, discussing sexual needs can be both sensitive and crucial. It's not just about physical satisfaction but emotional and psychological fulfillment too. These conversations may be uncomfortable but are often necessary for both partners to feel understood and content. Thank you for your thoughtful comment. It really highlights the complexities inherent in monogamous relationships.

[@danitiwa]

Briana with all due respect you oftentimes perpetuate this idea that we need to be patient with avoidant partners, and work to approach them from a place of abundance etc. But you’re encouraging people to basically reach enlightenment in order to be in a relationship and this video in particular comes off as really unrealistic. It’s not weak or selfish to want to receive roughly the amount of time and effort you give to somebody in return, anything else is simply foolish and not economical. I don’t mean that in a monetary sense as much as a ‘I am a human being with limited days on this earth, ostensibly with a ticking reproductive clock, and who starts to feel like shit when giving to someone who barely acknowledges anything I do. That isn’t holy, it’s not transcendent to me, it just seems like a foolish martyrdom for someone who may never in their life change their ways and makes you miserable. The other thing is that you talk so much about pleasing and coddling avoidants, but where exactly on your channel do you talk about how someone can care for and support an anxiously attached partner? It all seems so biased in favor of avoidants, and ironically the cost to their sanity tends to be lower because they rarely risk anything.

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for your comments and sharing your experience. Please know that I understand this confusion you’re describing here and I’m going to offer this gently because usually when we are ready to hear it is when it makes sense. I think what you’re expressing here is a common misinterpretation when I try to explain the difference between conditional and unconditional forms of love. Our relationship is made up of two elements, conditional and unconditional aspects of a relationship. Tangible and intangible. Love and regard are not the same thing as “reciprocity“ of tangible material things like time, effort, and the routine activities of day-to-day life. What you’re describing here is is an assigning of intangible regard to tangible exchanges. Part of letting go of the habit of abandoning yourself or letting yourself be “walked all over“ by someone who isn’t respecting your needs or priorities as highly as their own, is recognizing when you are becoming too attached the idea that you “need“ whatever it is you are wanting from them in order to be whole. Once you realize that you were a whole with or without those “needs“ and that you are loved does not need to extend from that type of “reciprocity“ then you can actually make better decisions about whether or not the reciprocity’s that you do seek in a long-term scenario or actually available with this person. Or if the broader attachment need requires a different partner. This is about structuring your life, and that is a separate thing from the love and regard you carry for someone. Though, they can intertwine, and when they do, in a healthy way it can be very fun. In this video I try to articulate that with the reframe. Where I talk about “you are welcome to be where you are in your process and I can Acknowledge and be present with that, but if you’re not able to show up in the ways that I need to make a long-term commitment to you, then I will have to Move on And explore that with other people.” Maybe you missed that part at the end. The point is the statement expresses an ability to remain in a state of loving regard without necessarily having to commit yourself to something that isn’t actually aligned for you anymore. So it’s not really the behavior. It’s not if you stay or go. It is the energetic vibe that you carry in either circumstance. I think you might like my playlist on “conscious relationships.” I talk more about this in there.

[@MamaKat40203]

I LOVE this! Thank you! 💕

[@uniquedavenport7232]

Hates off to anyone who can make it HAPPALLY and FULFILLED with an avoidant they seem to be sweet people make good friends but when it comes to anything deeper they just cant seem to do it, that's when the other side comes out, it's strange because avoidants want exactly what they dont give to their partners lol their Idea of a perfect partner is often one sided thinking and treatment,its unrealistic thinking you can build a solid strong bond with no intimate connection, they think it's ok and normal because they were forced to build a bond with their care takers who never met their emotional needs as a child, baby, or young adult in relationships, and in their mind they turned out fine, so what's the big deal if they do it to their partners?..everyone is responsible for self,because they had to be,and unfortunately they use this logic in their relationships and dont understand why that logic is a recipe for disaster they dont see the importance or the impact of being emotionally connected to people,they think it is some form of strength and almost a badge of honor to keep it all in never show feelings,wear a mask and act like everything is ok they dont need nothing or nobody, in reality it takes more strength to walk in your truth it takes more strength to face your fears it takes strength to heal and be vulnerable and open it takes strength to stop being in denial...there is no strength in self sabotaging your own happiness keeping your feelings all to yourself and avoiding the healing process but most avoidants think and feel the opposite unless they heal and become self conscious its really sad I feel for them because I know most dont want to be like that it's all fear based and suppressed trauma that makes them this way they are not evil like narcissist even though they can display narcissistic behavior and traits most avoidants and kind people and good friends even if they push you away lol

[@grayhalf1854]

A common dating trope is that women don't want an emotional man - especially if they themselves are inclined to over-emotionality. As I've heard it said, women want their man to be the rock in their stormy emotional sea. Women frequently complain about emotionally unavailable men but unfortunately I think the increased understanding that comes through healthy emotional communication can come at the cost of attraction. Some of the most dysfunctional couples I know are also the most passionate...

[@happy583xox]

Couldn’t disagree more

[@degraham9198]

I will open my heart to you. Our nest will be cozy and satisfying. And privately exciting. You will seek it with love, as the bee seeks the flower. You will know how much I love you every day.

[@Magnoliasdiary]

WOW 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

[@Losermachine35]

Lol person asks a question and gets scolded and judged 🤣

[@brianamacwilliam.attachment]

Thank you for commenting and sharing your perspective, @hotrodZack1948.

[@gwendolynn7314]

Or how about we just want healthy communication!! Instead attaching the other person. Smh.

[@Centori88]

Just avoid avoidants.

[@majakodzoman4924]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤