So you are saying the partner should initiate reaching out to the avoidant partner?

You are a Gem 💎💝Thank you for all you do! 🙏

Okay, what is emotional freedom?

So what do you call it when you see someone suffering and have compassion and only want to offer comfort, not "fix" them like there's something wrong with them?

I don't care what traits she has as long as she has a nice butt

This is me. 😢

Thank you ! Aren’t we supposed to share our boundaries? when do you advise to share vs not sharing ?Would love your thoughts on this 🙏

You're a Gem!!! An Amazing teacher therapist!!!💎💝

I wish I knew about this before I broke up with him. He was loving, caring, thoughtful. He'd get cold and distance and the roller coaster confused the heck out of me, fearing it was just love bombing and manipulation. I know now he was just withdrawing and needing space but couldn't express it. I didn't take to heart when he said, "I love you please never forget that." I believe he knew his behavior could be distant and could hard for me. I broke up a week ago and hoping he can forgive me. I've let him know I understand that he needs space (through a text) and I hope to hear from him. Will he reconsider our relationship? Did I totally break trust? He showed in so many ways that he loves me but my fear got the best of me.😢

From personal life experience you must become the avoider with these avoidant types and avoid them completely. They avoid taking personal responsibility and avoid facing up to themselves and doing anything about it, in fact, more often than not they avoid seeing that anything is wrong due to their strong narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies. They are highly destructive people in relationships so heal what it is that attracts that kind of evil into your life and learn to avoid them in future.

Thank you. This is so helpful

Thank you for making this concept come to life!

Glad to see what I learned from my dating coach years ago it's proving to be true two decades later.

Run 🏃as fast as you can 🏃

I love it thank you

Good to know - my avoidant doesn’t really love me. They never let me stay over (always an excuse at the last minute), never met their family. I now realise I’m just a short term fling and meant nothing to them. I guess I was only good when the pandemic was around and he was feeling bored and didn’t feel great about his appearance (he was obese) and now that is over and he’s lost a huge amount of weight, suddenly I’m no longer important to him anymore (he discarded me) and I’m not good enough for him anymore and wants to continue his life as if I never meant anything to them or existed. I’m trying to detaching myself from them. It’s hard and painful to do so. I need to let hope die. I will need to cut them out of my life forever and never let them back in whatsoever. I shouldn’t have been naive but it got the best of me.

This is so overly complicated. Avoidants should be avoided.

Where is a link to this video??

Thank you Briana, that you have answered my question! So much appreciated!!!! 🙏🏻❤

33:34 Excellent starting point. 👌🏻

I found this particular podcast fascinating. Thank you for committing to answer questions from listeners and for diving in deeply in your answers. It explains a lot about my particular attachment style. Your empathy and total lack of judgement are refreshing. I only wish more therapists had both these traits combined.

Who's emotionel discipline? And what does that look like exactly?

You are sooooooo cool Briana in all three roles!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻Thanks for sharing such an informative video about the strategy with us!!! Thank you!

#facts

everyone is complaining about this type of attachment style.. understanding that two ppl shouldn’t be totally engulfed in each other is fairly mature and having your own goals, interests and motivation to pursue them is also mature lol. PLUS, you can always leave if it’s not right for you. no need to have a savior complex lol

These relationships are very complex

It's not aspirin, it's acetaminophen.

Been following you for years, but THIS is FIRE!!! Also, appreciate your use of the word curriculum -Neem Karoli Baba and Ram Dass are very important teachers for me. In the immediacy of your words, I’m hearing thought in action, no behind the scenes wavering, no limerent thinking as in-this is what i intellectual believe and wish hope pray is true…as if nothing is in the back of your mind. This is living faith, not belief. Thank you.

If I only understood this earlier I could have saved each other from pain and confusion found in disunity and provided clarity and direction towards integration. Thank you for your coaching and distinctions into healing the avoidant/anxious life trap dynamic.

But then they avoid to do the check in and leave it up to you.

it's the typical problem. I love, how you and your man are talking about this.

I made every attempt to soften my approach and took time to think through what I wanted to say to him. I rubbed his hand and he immediately went nuts! Screaming and throwing things.. calling me a psycho and how I ruin his day every time I want to talk about “stupid” stuff.

the actors are so cute. Bro ! love it 😍

fucking avoidants

True!

Pfffff ... why should I. I want to be his girlfriend, not therapist. He should work on his issues, I am not wasting my time running after someone who does not really want a relationship.

Please more of these examples of behavioural tips ..!!! Finally...so helpful! Thank you

I've never felt so understood!!! 😂❤

Is that a problem that we need to work on to fix ? Or it’s just some kind of personality

This popped into my feed for no reason today….. I am kind of dating someone since 4 months but I feel SUUPER hesitant, and yes I am avoiding this person regularly. There is nothing ”wrong” with him. But I just find his enthusiasm for me a turnoff. Why is he still pursuing me after 4 months when I continuously set firm boundaries and acting as basically the most boring person alive. I feel like I don’t make any effort whatsoever and he is still interested. He tries so hard I feel too….. He doesn’t meet some of my requirements for a long term partner, like I wish he was more ”conscious”, and had gone deeper with his own self reflective work. We don’t believe in the same things, spiritually, which is a turnoff for me. He doesn’t know as much about the topics I am passionate about. But at the same time- maybe I this is all defence mechanisms? Or will I find someone more ”perfect fit” for me? Also I almost feel sorry for him why he is pursuing me when my perception is that we are not really very connected….. I doon’t knoooooooow. I only loved one person before in my life. And he was also an avoidant. But we never got to a romantic relationship, just friends. I have no idea if I would have still loved him if he had a romantic interest in me and was clear about it.

OMG at 9 minute mark you describe my anxiety perfectly lol

Just avoid them, I do. Never going down that path again….

fuck that shit

Good topic. But there’s also another side to it: In my experience some people can be so overwhelmingly present in a conversation or discussion that they don’t give the other person enough space to express their thoughts and/or emotions, resulting in almost a monologue. This gets even more difficult when they are also verbal very strong. And when you finally see a little space to jump in, they still grab each moment to react to what you are trying to say even when you’ve not even finished your first sentence. I’ve seen and experienced this in meetings as well as in personal conversations. So I do understand it when the other party seeks other ways to express themselves to be heard, like writing them down and text or mail them. Although there are a lot of pitfalls in communicating via text (it demands a lot of skill), for some people it can also help to express their thoughts in a more organized and clear way (under the condition that that they don’t fall into the same trap of the verbally strong person by using too many words, which makes the core of the messages very cloudy). What is your vision about this ? And how would you handle such a situation ? PS: I could say a lot more about it, but that would make this text too long 😂😉.

Break up with them. Why torment yourself?

Nice in theory. But what to say/do when your avoidant partner wants to feel free by not wanting to plan or schedule things in advance ? Said otherwise: simply wants to feel free to do just what she feels like at the moment itself ?

this video is really brilliant ! ♥ thank you, Briana

Helpful

i am the avoidant, I was fine but we have a huge problem in our relationship right now which was a bad thing i did, now i know how vunerable he is im getting nervous. i wanna be there for him healing is not a straight path though and im so confused

Yeah, it's either that or your presence is making it inconvenient for them to have the side action so they need you to go away for a while otherwise you're toxic lol