How Do You Get Urine Off Of A Nun? | QI

[@ambergris5705]

So how DID they stop? I need to know, that cliffhanger is killing me!

[@Elesario]

As fun as the punchline was, we need facts!

[@youremakingprogress144]

Someone finally fed them.

[@homagetogorto]

Police threatened to whip them.

[@bren106]

Bowls with goldfish in spread about the convent.

[@PowerMadLabRat]

They stationed soldiers outside who threatened to whip the nuns if they did not stop.

[@canoli72]

Many years ago a friend of mine joined a convent. She met the Mother Superior who informed her that this order followed a strict code of silence broken only once every five years. She accepted the vows and entered into service. Five years later she was brought back and was told she could say two words. “Food bad,” she said and left. She returned five years later and said, “Bed hard.” She was ushered out and went about her duties for another five years. She was brought back after another five years and said, “I quit!” The Mother Superior gazed at her disapprovingly and muttered, “You might as well. You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

[@livenotonevil8279]

Outstanding

[@DonoVideoProductions]

Joke good.

[@rachelcookie321]

Did the mother superior in this story not take a vow of silence?

[@DonoVideoProductions]

@@rachelcookie321 Why would you think she did not?

[@rachelcookie321]

@@DonoVideoProductions because it would be weird if she used her once chance to talk in 5 years to talk to this random nun multiple times. You can talk once after 5 years of silence and you chose to talk about a girl complaining?

[@captainboots]

It was soldiers threatening to beat them that made them stop if you're curious, heh.

[@stevesm4]

Oh. My earlier reply was redundant.

[@deaddoll1361]

Men doing what comes naturally then.

[@Shift8YawnsShift8]

Thank you kindly

[@mooselord2838]

​@@deaddoll1361 Sexist

[@tomrowell1558]

Wow that’s a lot darker than I expected

[@stereoroid]

Deirdre’s “they’re great at the laundry” line went over their heads a bit. Have a search for “Magdalene Laundries”, it’s an unpleasant bit of recent Irish history.

[@aussiechris5904]

I just listened to a podcast by a man who helped a number of girls escape from one of those laundries.

[@John.0z]

It passed well over my head!

[@decodolly1535]

If anyone wants to know, the "gravy boat on a ribbon" was actually called a Bourdaloue. Apparently named after a priest who always gave very long sermons.

[@ethan5719]

Sure it wasn't just named after someone particularly bored o' lou?

[@samc2]

That's very close sounding to portaloo isn't it !

[@MRTransportVideos]

I see what you did there - very nice.

[@rachelcookie321]

How the hell are you supposed to use one for those?

[@decodolly1535]

@@rachelcookie321 Carefully!

[@wanderlustwarrior]

Those meowing nuns stopped because they were driving the priest barking mad.

[@charlesb7019]

😂🤣😂🤣😂

[@devlinburgess2463]

The rent-a-nun thing isn't that different to what some nobles would do in the Middle Ages: they'd contribute to the building of monastarires or abbeys, and in return the clergy there would pray for them on the regular.

[@AL-fl4jk]

Ah yes the sponsoring of “guilds”

[@geraldfrost4710]

Like buying indulgences, get out of jail cards for crimes you've yet to commit.

[@NewMessage]

with a scrub brush, and a lot of apologies.

[@TheTiffanyAching]

The oldest historic source for the mewling nuns story is decidedly weak. It's a footnote created by the translator of an 1844 German book called "The Epidemics of the Middle Ages" and may be supposed to refer to an incident from the those times. The translator's name was Babington and he said he'd read about it "in a good medical book" without taking the trouble to mention the book's title or author.

[@medievalist]

If it did happen, it was just folie à deux 🤷

[@faenethlorhalien]

Divine Catheter. Ok, now I have a name for my punk rock band.

[@karencahill4798]

Boy, the amount of shenanigans going on in those Nuneries! I’ll have Nun of that!

[@johnnunn8688]

Heard it, try again.

[@Maya_Pinion]

They did invent hot chocolate...after awhile church forbade it, they were much happier,singing etc. Church couldn't have that!

[@Maya_Pinion]

​@@johnnunn8688 oh excuse us...😮

[@ahseaton8353]

My favorite story about nuns was a dual nunnery and monetary, with an orphanage in between.

[@markwillies7666]

My little bit of Shakespeare knowledge from school.......his nunneries reference were actually brothels

[@Jayfive276]

Hello Houston! We are Divine Catheter! Are you ready to ROCK?

[@zaphod96usa]

Did anyone else imagine those praying nuns as like, streamers reading out donations: "Hey, God, I'd like to send a prayer for Xxbirdsarentreal34xX"

[@john.premose]

Might as well

[@Tao_Tology]

No.

[@jjpower6769]

Subtitles for those of us who are hard of hearing would be helpful.

[@johnnunn8688]

Eh?

[@KarlBunker]

I think between the varieties of British accent, the audience laughing and people talking over each other, the KZbin subtitle-auto-generating machine just threw down its pencil and stormed out of the studio.

[@davebowman6497]

Is it hard to imagine that someone having impared hearing might get helped by subtitles, or what's that "eh?" about? My hearing is normal. English is not my first language but a strong second. I don't need subtitles for eg recorded drama, science programs or news readouts etc. But for the more "impromptu" and somewhat out of control material like eg QI I sometimes make use of of subtitles to get what is hard to grasp. At about 1:50 Alan says "It's another ? Group". Please help me with the word I don't get.

[@Tao_Tology]

@@davebowman6497 'good'

[@Heronjim]

I'll have the fish please

[@redelfshotthefood8213]

Well. That’s just cruel. We don’t know how the nuns stopped meowing, now do we?

[@fehoobar]

They all clapped. Name of the nun? Albert Einstein.

[@treborg.london]

Police placed a bunch of soldiers with rods at the convent’s entrance and the nuns were told the soldiers would whipp them until they promised not to meow anymore.

[@Z4Zander]

@@treborg.london Yeah,but did they stop the meowing?

[@thegray5730]

No, they hissed at them @@Z4Zander

[@LindaJuffermans]

Man, I wish you would post QI XL episodes

[@MRTransportVideos]

That does explain the taste of Blue Nun wine a bit....

[@fredrich1706]

You mean a “wee” bit.

[@SevCaswell]

So we've basically gone back to the medieval practice of rich people buying salvation by paying for monastics to pray for them. And people say the Catholic church has changed.

[@bigman5125]

So how did they stop meowing?

[@YvonneWilson312]

Apparently the police threatened to whip them!

[@dielaughing73]

​@@YvonneWilson312 that'll usually do it

[@ihcterra4625]

The rent a nun thing reminds me of the electronic monk from Douglas Adams’ book, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.

[@Kalkuv]

how did they stop?!?

[@King_Shoto]

Thanks to Sam O'nella, I know the nun story.

[@peterclarke7240]

Post-menopausal Urine are a great band, too

[@AnnaAnna-uc2ff]

THank you.

[@torsloke]

I think Frank Sinatra sang about the difficulty of holding one’s bladder during a long sermon. “When I’m listening to the liturgy, fighting vainly the old nun wee, I suddenly turn and see, that fabulous vase.”

[@Oligodendrocyte139]

QI. How hard is it to activate subtitles?

[@HeyZeus667]

Within seven days, all other nuns at the convent started meowing and purring: they even organized afternoon meowing sessions that lasted for hours. Since the Catholic theology of the time considered cats to be the Devil’s animals, the nuns were whipped by soldiers employed by the local noblemen and the meowing ceased.

[@davebowman6497]

Rent-a-nun: Reality imitates art! In this case the electric monk(s) in Douglas Adams' "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency". Fabulous!

[@geoffroi-le-Hook]

He would not only pray, he would believe anything for you as well. "Why don't you go shoot off?" "I believe I shall," replied the monk, who then shot someone the next time we see him.

[@lambertbrother1628]

I thought it was Hitchhikers’, but I was thinking exactly the same thing!

[@dandy-lions5788]

The last time a Rent-a-Nun happened, didn't 95 theses get nailed to a door?

[@dielaughing73]

Probably. It sounds like exactly the kind of thing the Catholic church is known for throughout the ages.

[@rebelraccoon9018]

Who is the first lady who spoke? So sophisticated and pretty 😍

[@MINTY_FN]

Deirdre O'Kane

[@rebelraccoon9018]

@@MINTY_FN Thank you 😌

[@MINTY_FN]

@@owinthomas I think he meant Deidre O'Kane, who buzzed in first.

[@livenotonevil8279]

Subbed!

[@GuanoLad]

Wacky coincidence, I was just today rewatching Moone Boy, which stars Deirdre O'Kane.

[@OriginalGriff]

And there was me thinking "With a jet washer?"

[@dmontes133]

Devine catheter! 🤣🤣🤣

[@Imperial-Socialist]

Love listening to the Irish girls

[@MrEarname]

The meowing nuns sounds like Pee-er pressure.

[@martiniv8924]

Brilliant 😂

[@LeornianCyng]

I want QI bingo.

[@davidhill2020]

Every time I watch this clip, I get a sense of nun wee.

[@JoeKoOhNo]

That's funny. I get a sense of ennui.

[@oldfartinthenight9201]

I completely misunderstood the plot and was going to suggest vinegar, bicarb and a stiff scrubbing brush...clearly, Stain Devils would be out of the question.

[@DB-ld8sk]

How do you solve a problem like Miaowing??

[@michaelwarren2391]

And here I was thinking the question was going to be about cleaning a nun buoy.

[@Ukie_Hags_World]

Rent-A-Nun -- LOLs 😸

[@ShortBusScotty]

You ask politely.

[@jamesstrawn6087]

A: Just go to a convent and ask for a nun who is willing to visit Urinov.

[@williamjones7163]

How did the Nuns stop meowing? Help! I need to know!

[@aberamagold7509]

A group of soldiers showed up and threatened to _beat/hit_ them with iron rods if they didn't stop meowing. At least that's the answer they gave on the show.

[@marcillioficino4663]

Is this what passes for humor in Britain? Spazzatura.

[@heartshapedisle]

Divine catheter is 😂

[@jakobrygh3793]

Having nuns and monks pray so you don't have too is not a new idea

[@dmontes133]

Some really funny people and then there is Phil Jupitus.

[@aussiechris5904]

I heard once that the only meat priests were allowed to eat on Good Friday was nun. I used to misunderstand how it was spelled.

[@Z4Zander]

I thought they were mistaken 'cause it smelled like fish.

[@dicksonfranssen]

Are these the nuns from Uranus? I saw Uranus just last night, it's HUGE. Sorry, it's late and I'm hungry.

[@eileencollins8799]

OFF OF? Surely all that is needed is OFF?

[@deaddoll1361]

Unless you're American and every opportunity must be taken to talk more! Listen UP, hate ON, from the GET GO etc. AnywayS, it's nauseating.

[@markneedham752]

How do you get urine off a Nun. It is not "get urine off of a nun."

[@kennyn1992]

Light admin seemed a set up for how many nuns does it take to change a light bulb?

[@Oligodendrocyte139]

How do you get the urine off a nun? Surely you just extract St. Michael.

[@joshuamasonseight-bitbasta2451]

HOW DID THEY STOP MEOWING??/?

[@jimprice9703]

Use holy water.😸

[@brianvannorman1465]

Very funny. Hello from San Diego California. Don't want any nun-wi.

[@Nastyswimmer]

"off a nun", not "off of a nun". Sandi may be Danish, but she knows correct English grammar.

[@marknewbold2583]

Both are fine

[@Nastyswimmer]

@@marknewbold2583 "The use of 'off of' rather than 'off' ... is considered incorrect in modern English" OED

[@chuckleberryfinn1992]

"off of" conveys acquiring ? that's contextually correct, eh?

[@martinlewis1015]

This is true, I was behind a mini metro and it was stack full front to back with packets of tampons all over and even over passenger seat and dash, you could hardly see. I then saw the driver...it was a nun driving

[@karenshaw7807]

I doubt they use tampons. Probably forbidden.

[@martinlewis1015]

@@karenshaw7807 perhaps she was a nun on the run

[@movieklump]

Getting Urine of a Nun is easy. It's getting the shit of them that is hard.

[@SoapyWetDish]

"Off of" 😞

[@rachelcookie321]

I feel like paying someone else to pray for you kind of defeats the whole purpose.

[@josephradley3160]

Dressing a nun can be habit forming

[@josephrankin9406]

Ask her politely ?

[@MrFiction80]

HOW DID THEY STOOOOP?!?@?!

[@carolmurphy7572]

If there's a stupid catholic with $500, the church is gonna find a way to try to get it into their coffers. 🙄😒

[@jjpower6769]

We'll even money from Non-Catholics!

[@dielaughing73]

Yeah no real surprise there

[@timl4257]

Is that aisling bea? She has changed a bit, no?

[@renko9067]

The question was: How do you get urine off a nun? Not, Do nuns pee?

[@weswheel4834]

If a "hire a nun" type program was available for a bunch of religions, and if you were rich enough and wanted to hedge your bets...

[@guarddog318]

Leave it to a nun to get "barking mad" all wrong.

[@Your.Uncle.AngMoh]

What's worse than having a colostomy bag? Matching shoes.

[@Rusty-Hinge]

I’m not a church goer, but when are QI and the rest of MSM going to start poking fun at other beliefs for a change?

[@DotBone89]

Why are you pissing on a buoy? (IYKYK)

[@DavidSchroeter]

Of of???

[@grahamstubbs4962]

It's licking, isn't it?

[@Z4Zander]

Ask Sandi.

[@Lance-Stroll]

The police threatened to whip them

[@johnpoo1662]

ffs stop making jokes, let her speak.

[@edwardlane1255]

I was expecting some ecclesiastical e*pis*temology pun

[@boco1951]

If a Nun was on fire then that could explain how it got on a Nun in the first place?

[@brya6270]

Is that dana carvey as toksvig as the original church lady……

[@johnnunn8688]

Who’s the Irish bird?

[@geoffroi-le-Hook]

Deirdre O'Kane ... it's way down in the bottom of the description

[@phoenixinthetrees1446]

'Off of'?? Jesus Christ, QI, you of all people should know better.

[@Tybourne1991]

As a Catholic, I don't mind these jokes about nuns. Like many Jews, we're usually able to appreciate the funny side of our faith. But would the BBC post similar content about Muslim imams or Hindu holy men? If not, why not?

[@custardbaby4]

The Christian Church (Catholic or otherwise) has dominated the Western world culturally, politically and spiritually for literally over 1000 years. It is also responsible, both directly and indirectly, for the brutal repression of the followers of every one of the other religions you name here, and it is also to an extent responsible for the extreme institutionalised prejudice against those minority groups in the West today. Ask yourself this: for the majority white, English-speaking, “culturally Christian” hosts of this program, in turn representing the BBC, the official broadcaster of a nation with a lot to answer for in the above regards, would cracking jokes about ethnic and religious minority groups *really* be as harmless as you suggest, or would it in fact be simply adding unnecessary insult to several centuries’ worth of injury?

[@marknewbold2583]

Tell us a joke and we'll see

[@ryanjohnson3615]

They're more likely to kill other people and/or die themselves over a perceived slight?

[@Tybourne1991]

@@custardbaby4 My friend, you've raised a valid point there! Centuries of oppression and forced conversion are indeed a sad part of our history that cries out for both apologies and restitution. It's a fascinating time we live in, though, as the UK welcomes its first Hindu Prime Minister. Quite the twist, isn't it? Even if I don't see eye-to-eye with his politics, it's an interesting development. Now, when it comes to lumping all Christians together, one must tread carefully. Did you know that until 1829, Catholics couldn't even vote? It took until 1974 to sort out whether a Catholic could become Lord Chancellor. And let's not forget the Act of Settlement, which allows Prince George and future heirs to marry someone of various faiths, except, alas, a Catholic. Does that strike you as fair? It's quite a curious situation, really. Unfortunately, anti-Catholicism is the only form of religious prejudice that still finds support in the statute book here in good old UK. What a peculiar state of affairs!

[@Tybourne1991]

@@marknewbold2583 All right, picture this: A fresh-faced Jesuit novice eagerly attends his very first meal to honour the Feast Day of their beloved Founder, St. Ignatius. And there it is, a table adorned with magnificent delicacies, each dish more tempting than the last. In the midst of this grandeur, our young novice can't help but whisper under his breath, 'If this is poverty, bring on chastity!'

[@MarkLewis...]

Old joke, but funny.... A priest is walking on a downtown street when he is approached by a prostitute. She says: "Hey Father, how about a BJ for 20 bucks?!" The priest, not knowing what a BJ is becomes flustered and heads back to the church. There, he asks the Mother Superior "Mother Superior... what's a BJ?" The Mother Superior immediately shoots back: "20 bucks, same as downtown."

[@brismith2728]

You can’t get anything off of

[@ehombane]

And of course subtitles deactivated. I wonder why? Do you hate non native English, or hearing impaired?

[@StuMas]

Take the piss... off?

[@MrPantss]

I love QI, but wish Alan Davies would move on, he has been there forever and is really not that funny in my opinion.

[@mathewhale3581]

Sounds like a filthy habit

[@fintonmainz7845]

Apart from Deirdre O Kane they all were as dull as dishwater.

[@TMPreRaff]

Once again, Alan Davies confuses shouting with humor.

[@davidgould9431]

Terrible title: Sandi said the perfectly sensible "off a nun" and some spotty, teenaged twat had to Americanise it into the prolix "off of a nun". I'd really appreciate it if a professional grammarian explained how "off of" works. Yes, I know that the descriptive grammarians say "doesn't matter: that's what they say". The question is: why?

[@philroberts7238]

I totally agree - although the purported age and complexion of the title writer is hardly the issue here.

[@marknewbold2583]

Both are fine

[@davidgould9431]

@@philroberts7238 Yes, I was being intemperate and wrote a badly-judged comment (in part - the "spotty..." etc part, for avoidance of doubt). I still think the Americanisation of our culture and language is an interesting phenomenon. But, as post-Brexit Britain is discovering, we aren't that big a deal (or "big *of* a deal as increasingly many Brits say (eg see DrBecky)) and so we are culturally colonized. Serves us right, to be honest.

[@davidgould9431]

@@marknewbold2583 The question was why did that usage develop; also (implied, not stated) what is the grammatical structure? Not 'do people say this?'. We know they do, and that's fine. I was being a Grumpy Old Man in my first post (for which: apologies) but am genuinly curious.

[@WhiteUnicorn82]

Well, she's Woman Cathetalic

[@rjmprod]

How far do you think they would be getting if they were talking about Muslim women I don’t think very far