How Does Schizophrenia Affect Our Relationship?

[@FrederickDunn]

I don't talk about this much. My wife was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. She had a strong family history of mental illness, but wouldn't share that with me. When she was 24, we had a child and that somehow triggered her first psychotic break. The relationship was always about being very careful about triggers, and delicately reminding her to take her medications. I was always concerned while trying not to stress her out. In the end, because she just became too dangerous to be around our son. She frequently felt that he needed to leave this dimension. We ultimately divorced, and she did much better on her own. I raised our son by myself. Here I am watching your channel and rethinking all of my decisions. I'm frequently thinking about how things would have been different if she had only stayed on her medications. It was an endlessly frustrating cycle of going off her medication, having an episode, ending up in the hospital, and then starting the stressful cycle over and over. She passed away from cancer. I am frequently trying to sort out her behavior. Thank you for sharing here.

[@maniquedix-peek3525]

Gosh.. I think Rob and Lauren are a big exception. To navigate an illness like this can not be understated. I think it can truly be detrimental to relationships in a real way. I don't think you should rethink everything.. you did the best with what you could.

[@loulabelle84]

You did the best you could under difficult circumstances. If they won't take medication or they see you as the enemy it is impossible.

[@deanframe9095]

There’s a big part of the illness that says they are trying to poison me with pills. There is a dependency there. And when the person who has the illness fights and is paranoid about the treatment. My sweet daughter has schizoaffective disorder, and now she ran off with the ADHD drug dealer to a big city instead of in the common country where I live and I can’t really do anything about it. Ultimately she’s in charge of her own mind and I will always be there if she needs me. God gave her life and she has to live it the best way she can. It’s hard to let her go. But freedom belongs to her right now. Until she is unable to function, She has a choice. It sounds like you prioritize your life and took can’t care of things that you could take care of and was responsible for those things that you are responsible for. It sounds like you did the best thing you could so you get an A+ from me. Not many Dads care now days.!

[@anime_chat1261]

I'm currently struggling with the same thing at this very moment. My husband wouldn't commit to his treatment and I always became the collateral damage. He never even told me until after we were married. Actually, I had to pry it out of him because he went int9 a psychosis state after I gave birth. He didn't hurt our daughter but did act out in an aggressive manner and will have flat affect (which is so hard for a toddler). We just separated this month, and I keep struggling because I want to keep my vows. In sickness and health means mental health too! But, at what expense?

[@Comet_Loves]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[@Bland-79]

My wife has Schizophrenia. I have schizoaffective disorder. My mental illness is handled relatively well with medication but my wife's disorder can only be helped enough so it is tolerable for her but it's always there more or less with the voices and the delusions. We understand each other and took our time before getting married and it has helped a lot. The last couple of years have been hard. Our first couple of years where better. I know some years will be better than others and we are having problems but we both love each other and understand.

[@idak7950]

All the best to you both

[@DC-xi6gd]

I love that you and your wife have each other. God Bless you both and your marriage.

[@nuiwai5402]

That is beautiful that you can be together, committed and understand some years are good and some are bad. You are both lucky to have unconditional love xxx

[@tamzar2440]

✝️EAM JESUS ❤ #HealerProviderRedeemerProtectorDeliveror #HOPE 🌈TRUST in the Lord with allllll your heart / lean NOT on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him !& HE will make your paths straight 🎉👏AMEN

[@tamzar2440]

I’m soooooo HAPPY & thankful for you & this story 😇

[@louisepolley9707]

Good! It's both sided. I was so nervous it was going to start with what a burden it is to be with a schizophrenic partner, but right off the bat your talking about what both people bring to the table and that makes me so happy. I watch a few inter-abled couples and find physical disabilities are not even framed in a negative light, but mental disabilities are considered the bad thing in the relationship. Good for you guys. We've all got issues

[@nic_4849]

Rob is the man. Good ass dude. Good relationship right here. Good on both of y'all. Hang in there

[@wayneosullivan5369]

This is healthy, good communication, truth and honesty is the fundamental of a working relationship, you both show maturity

[@nealgoldie5866]

Unfortunately, most of these relationships do not work this way. Especially when the one with the disorder blames you for the disorder. It's hard, and this girl is really self aware. It's almost like this is not real. To live with someone who is always attacking you for the strangest things, and who has no self knowledge, it's so bizar to live this way. Scary, unpredictable....

[@rosebuddud0307]

My partner and I both have schizoaffective disorder and we both have trouble with executive functioning and we both have certain chores we expect each other to do but oftentimes things go undone. He has the majority of the chores as I also have a physical disability that limits what I can do. I'm just realizing now that I don't give him enough praise for the work he's able to accomplish. It's funny how it takes another couple talking about their relationship to see what is wrong with your own. I truly rely on him for too much. My illness has more of the positive symptoms and his has mostly negative symptoms. Often we don't understand how each other suffer 😕 even though we share the same thing. It's great to see you two relating with each other in such a natural way. We can see your struggles and relatee ourselves.

[@ctrawick3]

Lauren - this is so good. I really believe that you don’t begin to understand how strong you truly are. Not invincible, of course, but strong.

[@jacquelineleitch7050]

My sense is that anyone able to put this out gets herself.

[@enchanting_elizabeth]

Love how each of you let the other person finish the sentence before talking. Both actually listen to each other 💕

[@kellymitchell992]

Thank you for doing this channel! My daughter has just gone to the hospital with one of her first psychosis episodes. We are just starting to learn about how to navigate this illness. It's been a long road to this point and she is only 20. Your channel has helped us more than you will ever know. Thank you so much for sharing and opening your life up to others struggling💗

[@ryu7964]

I wish you and your daughter all the best on your journey. Embracing paranoid schizophrenia, the voices and the psychosis is the only way to live with it, I believe. I understood that fighting anything, is only going to work against myself. Because then I fight myself. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2012. I heard voices. And I had a Psychosis in 2012 and 2013. It wasn't going to last beyond that. I mean I have the diagnosis and medication but I don't suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, voices and Psychosis anymore. Except I may put off my medication. But I integrate these elements, that are hidden in my psyche with a loving attitude anyway.

[@nuiwai5402]

All the best to you all x

[@sackstoracks]

@@ryu7964God bless you man. I’ve been on antipsychotics since my first episode back in may. I’m only 24. It’s like my whole life suddenly changed out of no-where. It’s hard to accept, even harder dealing with but we have to fight everyday and look to the lord for strength when we can’t find any in ourselves.

[@SueB42]

So glad you talk through things. You two are great together! Don’t lose that!

[@0oooooo0]

Thank you so much for doing this. My husband whom I love very much was diagnosed late at 32, I really really needed this. He is on medication but things are still hard and I feel traumatised by the hospitalisations. Conflict is hard to resolve, and scary. But knowing you guys are out there trying your best makes me feel more courageous even though it's scary and stressful.

[@chickiebaby20]

I have a similar situation I understand what your going through. I have very calm days and I’m totally fine but some are just not because of the trauma with the hospitalizations so I get that it being hard to resolve! Keep the positive thoughts as much as you can !!! :)

[@ryu7964]

Embracing paranoid schizophrenia, the voices and the psychosis is the only way to live with it, I believe. I understood that fighting anything, is only going to work against myself. Because then I fight myself. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2012. I heard voices. And I had a Psychosis in 2012 and 2013. It wasn't going to last beyond that. I mean I have the diagnosis and medication but I don't suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, voices and Psychosis anymore. Except I may put off my medication. But I integrate these elements, that are hidden in my psyche with a loving attitude anyway.

[@chrfre8742]

My husband was diagnosed at the age of 41. He's on medication but I struggle much as we've got children to rise. Most ist my part

[@melodypanek448]

It made me want to cry when you talked about sometimes feeling paranoid that Rob is holding you back. How frustrating that must be for both of you. You ask for Rob's support for your idea but he frustratingly won't give it bc he may not think you have the capacity and he's probably frustrated bc you try to do it anyway. It somehow just makes me sad to see that dynamic. Good luck to you guys. I hope you guys lovingly work out any issues you might have no matter what! ❤

[@briellabeeable]

The hardest part for me is executive functioning and not realizing my negative symptoms until they're getting out of hand and need to be pointed out to me. I also over achieve in short bursts to try and just keep up with my regular share of my work, parenting, and normal societal human duties and then wonder why my mental health is spiraling when I am just trying maintain what I see other people doing so easily. I really have a challenging time accepting that what I can put out as my very best in a day isn't what I see most people being capable of.

[@Sunnysunshine208]

I wish I could of watched this with my Son.... Thank you for sharing it might help someone else. I didn’t learn my Sons diagnosis til right before he passed. He was diagnosed with schizoaffective.

[@irishdeetalks]

I am so sorry for your loss. My son also is schizophrenic and it’s difficult I won’t lie but I’ll never turn my back on him. I have an overwhelming fear of losing him either to suicide or just due to the fact he’s vulnerable. Hugs Momma 🫶🏼💜

[@psychosislove]

My husband has schizotypal personality disorder and I have schizoaffective depressive type with PTSD. We mesh so well together because of how we both grew up and came to view the world in the same way. When we got together and I told him I essentially have schizophrenia and what it means to have it, he took it in stride and learned who I am as a schizophrenic. I am always symptomatic, I have never once not been symptomatic in my entire life of 32 years. It's because of this that I don't do well on my own. He and I are with each other 24/7 and have no issues whatsoever. If we feel like we wronged each other in some fashion, we will talk it out and communicate because we know the success to a great relationship, like the one we have, is talking to each other, not at each other. He is very astute to my habits and for the most part can figure out when something is wrong. There are times where my behavior might baffle him, especially in the beginning of our relationship. My Mom had to explain to him that whenever I am getting over a major episode, I tend to be completely apathetic to everyone and could care less about emotions. He had to learn that it wasn't anything personal, it is just how my mind copes with the previous trauma driven episode. But, ever since we got married, I haven't needed to see my therapist anymore. He loves me no matter what. My illness isn't going to keep him from seeing me underneath it all and loving me for who I am. We have been together for 11 years now, and our love has only grown stronger.

[@kaylaschroeder1]

This is beautiful. 🙏🏼

[@texasgoddess323]

Unconditional love!

[@evagabrysova8871]

Wow, that is so great!

[@catherinerice5338]

I am hoping people can see me underneath the illness too. That's what I feel, that I am still a person underneath it all, and want to be appreciated for who I am and the healthy parts of me.

[@nuiwai5402]

How beautiful you both have unconditional love.

[@bluemoon472]

“There’s no good way to sit in this chair.” 🤣 That made my day! You both are exemplary as individuals & as a couple. You’re really listening to each other, thoughtfully considering each other’s perspectives & ideas. Well done!👍

[@mizeriluvscompany2198]

My partner also has schizoaffective disorder and has mentioned that I try to control him by wanting him to communicate his feelings during an episode. I also feel that when we have problems in our relationship that it causes symptoms and vice versa. Thank you soo much for this candid conversation. I want to understand my partner more, and you two convey it in a manner that I am unable to do with him.

[@rsabardoelectrical]

My wife (schizophrenia) and I (bipolar 1) met when we were both ill and full of symptoms. We held on to each other and both went for medical help and have been together for the last 10 years. Wonderful 10 years. We are madly in love and understand and are there for each other. One of the strongest relationships I have ever known. Thank you for the channel, we love it. Rob

[@TTIzzy1]

You two are very brave. You are doing Gods work by sharing your life struggles with the world and helping so many people in the process ♥️ Thank you‼️

[@MariaJimenez-h2y3g]

What a great way to deal with mental Illness. Talking about it instead of avoiding how it affects a relationship. My husband has schizophrenia paranoia and does well with medication, he also told me about his illness when dating. I saw no problem with it. Sometimes I have a hard time separating the Illness/disorder vrs person. I even took classes to better understand and learn from others. I am glad for the good days we have and hope to be able to be there for him during our challenging times.

[@katherinemclean3066]

This was a compassionate and insightful video. I also struggle with executive dysfunction and reduced capacity, and have avoided intimate relationships because I haven't figured out how to manage my own life or how to communicate my capacity to others. I also never really knew you could have this kind of conversation -- I just expected that I would disappoint any partner with my uneven capacity to take care of life stuff, and eventually they'd nope out. Or they'd be as messy as me and I wouldn't have to mental space to work around their stuff as well as mine. All this to say, this realistic and gentle peek into your dynamic is a glimmer of a new way of thinking about this. Thanks for sharing it.

[@sourgummiez]

Love how the two of you look at each other while you’re speaking ❤️ You look so connected to each other like best friends ❤️

[@layotheleprechaun]

I love the honesty that you share Lauren :)

[@toungewithgills1]

I have schizophrenia. I love to Converse with people one day. The next few days later I might not want to be bothered or interacted with. Some days or more I want to be alone with only my TV or Music. If not to sit in silence. Years back I had a psychotic break with catatonic symptoms. It destroyed my marriage. She became scared and terrified of the change in three weeks. Living on SSI and having schizophrenia is difficult sometimes. Finding companionship and friendship over serious relationships is non- understandable for many.

[@kristiwetsel9531]

As someone with mental health issues , Im starting to see how hard it can be on our signifficant others sometimes , as hard as they try to understand .it's very hard to understand something they've never felt.. but it's great the way you both talk about everything

[@lifetogether4782]

I have Dissociative identity disorder and so many of your videos resonate with me. I struggle so much with the capacity question as well. Part of what is difficult is that my capacity is always changing depending on what alter is primarily in control. When I, the adult host, am in charge I think I can do anything a normal adult can, but because I am always switching ages and mental capacity and knowledge, I can’t keep up with the goals and plans I “the adult” have set. For a lot of my life I didn’t even know about my alters and was functioning at a reasonably high level. I too struggle to accept the reality of my illness and the loss of so many dreams I thought would come true. It is so difficult to accept my limits but, I agree, it is much healthier when I accept where I am and instead try to focus on new dreams. It warms my heart how dedicated you both are to facing this challenge together. I am recently divorced after 25 years of marriage. A good part of the reason our marriage failed is that my husband was never motivated to learn about and work with me on managing my mental illness, and instead just found it a burden. You two give me hope that maybe there is someone out there who can love and accept me where I am and can care enough to support me in my challenges. I know it isn’t easy, but as long as you are both willing to work at it, you can manage anything! And if I had one bit of advice it would be not to feel guilty when Rob has to take a bigger share of responsibilities. I waisted so much of my life feeling guilty for that. It never changed how much responsibility my husband had, it just took away from me being able to recoup because I was so busy beating myself up. If I could do it over, I would focus on feeling grateful, not guilty, and I would encourage him to find his own support system and think creatively to get his own down time. ❤️

[@cassiemcleskey3483]

Awesome Advice. Feel Grateful, Not Guilty.

[@alexandraclarke431]

My boyfriend and I are both 28 and he’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia and he’s recently had an episode with me due to his neglect to take his meds and I thought it was ok not knowing how bad it was because we were together a whole 3 months without any issues. He was very open and honest with his diagnosis and I believed we were on the right track until his friend came along and had him doing some unknown drugs and he just flipped the house upside down and ignored me for days talking about he needed space. I tried to help but I was mentally frustrated I had to walk away. While he was going through this phase I felt as if he was back and forth with his thoughts, honest one point and then turned around and saying something else the next. Honestly we’ve been together 4months now and we currently live separately but I’m unsure still how to be apart of his life, and his triggers, but I have so much love for him when we can communicate effectively. I know he loves me too, for now I guess it’s slow and steady.

[@victorianjeri1000]

One year later?

[@charitybartell5708]

I love this channel for the way it normalizes this disorder. I have a couple of loved ones with serious mental illnesses, and it gives me hope.

[@JessicaJoy34]

Listening to this is helpful. I have OCD which is a completely different disorder but it still limits capacity and effects thinking/perceiving. It’s a blessing to have people in your life who get it; but more work to allow people in and help them understand. This video helps me give myself grace.

[@katec9893]

It's so good that your partner responded so positively. I don't have schizophrenia but I have been diagnosed with OCD and CPTSD and when I mentioned it a few times to men I spoke to on dating apps they backed away and lost all interest. I understand it is a lot to take on as sometimes they might need to care for me during my bad times and a lot of people don't want to do that. I guess it's good they ruled themselves out as I definitely need a caring empathetic sort of person as a partner.

[@Frances-wv9xv]

You're so blessed to have a husband who is willing to navigate your MH journey with you.

[@shawnrisley2404]

One of the best discussions I've heard. Intellectual honesty and facility.

[@otiliathiel623]

Thanks so much for sharing this personal experiences ❤ 🙏 💕 I'm proud of both of you willing to work it out continually.....

[@Mx.Knowsmoar]

i love the conversation around capacity and ability to keep up with care tasks. i feel like w folks who have chronic mental health issues, it's not so simple as creating a single system and always sticking to it - it's really hard to find the thing or things that work frequently enough to make day to day manageable. thanks for bringing this to light :)

[@bearclaus2676]

That ending was adorable. An informative video on a beautiful partnership. Thank you both.

[@bridget_6892]

I'm delighted and amazed that you have such a loving support system. Blessings to you and yours💕🙏💕

[@0oooooo0]

A video on codependency would be so helpful. I'd like to see how everything works with couples counselling. I want to go with my husband who has SA but I really don't know where to start.

[@robjohn7295]

I second this, as my soon to be wife who has schizoeffective bipolar type has unleashed her first episode in our over 2 year relationship,, and I am trying my hardest to learn how to work with this disorder and keep us alive,, she has had a rough life and if we lose this I don't see her going on much further,,,,, I would love to make her last 20 or 30 years something worth living but it's going to take alot of hard work and education, I'm honestly curious if you ever figured out exactly where to start.

[@Laugh_73]

The fact that you’re willing to keep on top of your illness makes a difference. My ex has schizoaffective bipolar disorder and didn’t care about maintaining treatment and ultimately I couldn’t handle it anymore. You have an amazing support system in Rob!

[@javierarivera]

Hi, may I please ask for an update as to how you’ve been doing emotionally since then? Thank you in advance

[@Trishbuck94]

My son has schizophrenia your videos are so helpful for me. He's 25 and newly diagnosed.

[@AngelicaReyes-vb9bh]

How did the symptoms start off?

[@tarasalad]

I just gotta say the sitting discussion at the end made me laugh. Thank you! 💗

[@irena6317]

You guys are doing great communicating with eachother. It really takes years for people to truly "learn" their partner, how to help them navigate through a struggle with or without it being related directly to a mental illness. It is also good that you both can clearly identify what may be causing issues. I've been with my husband 16 years and we still run into things that need to work out. And we still take the things from the wrong perspective and misunderstand the situation.

[@theholisticdog3381]

I love you guys as a couple and it's so encouraging and inspiring

[@kavitadeva]

Thank You two for the willingness to come and do this series and be transparent about all the facets that go on not only in just a relationship but in a relationship where it is affected by schizoaffective disorder. I think there's a wonderful feeling between the two of you that you want to understand each other. You don't just want to be understood but you want to understand as well and that really comes across. I'm sure it's quite challenging when symptoms and functioning is low or as you put it Lauren your crumbling I'm sure that's challenging for both of you. But I just think if you both want your Love to continue to grow and get deeper and richer than you're going to continue to want to truly be there for each other and when you can't be there because you're in symptoms Lauren then it's something that Rob learns more about how to be effective in helping you. I'm sure there are so many feelings and words and concepts that a couple that is neurotypical and doesn't struggle with a mental illness would not have to deal with. I think you guys are amazing and I'm really really glad that you have chosen to bring your relationship out into the open and talk about it. Thank you so much to the two of you.

[@DeyfanAoki]

Co-dependency is a good topic to share ❤️ Thank you for the informative and life changing videos!

[@tcort]

Thanks!

[@remapears]

What a great couple to listen to and watch. Super funny and relatable and genuine!

[@cristinafrick9773]

Thank you for your honesty Lauren and Rob😀

[@valentinacardona173]

I dated a man with schzophrenia and I learned when he was having allucinations/ episodes by his look,face ,voice, expressions and mood changes . I was always open about asking him what he felt, what he used to see, hear and think and so was he answering me . I wanted to know more about the condition and how could I help to make things better in the bad days . He is a good person and our relationship was very good as well despite that but people judged him a lot and asked me daily how could I be with a mental sick person , they asumed he was dangerous without knowing a thing about the disease and about him , it made me furious

[@irishdeetalks]

Unfortunately they’re very much misunderstood and everyone stigmatises them. My son is the kindest and most polite soul anyone would ever meet. All his nurses, doctors and adults just love him, unfortunately other that have zero awareness of his mental health assume he’s a killer in the making and it’s frustrating. I always say my biggest wish is not for money but for 10 mins just to live inside his mind to better understand his condition 🫶🏼

[@GailMailable]

I love your openness to readily getting therapy, as well as your ability to keep a sense of humor! thank you!!!

[@jhors7777]

Best wishes to you both in your lives and marriage.

[@lovesrunning8296]

Thank you for both putting yourself in such a vulnerable position, and sharing your relationship with others - so that it instills hope in people living with chronic mental illness, that they will find “love.” Yeah it isn’t easy, but love is unconditional.

[@anitahudson985]

My husband has schizophrenia, Bipolar, anxiety and depression and psychosis. Medication’s for the daytime does not work and I have to be the caregiver and the wife so I understand fully how he can hurt a relationship as well as you have to learn about it and adapt with it. It is not easy.

[@EgonSorensen]

I'm single, with a diagnosis - and doing well. Not looking for a relationship, don't need it and luckily my parents have accepted it. Recently I suffered some lower back pain (possible Prolapsed Disc) and I think it may be a relatable way for 'regular' people how schizophrenia is. At first the pain might be barely noticeable, then it becomes all you nearly can deal with (and nothing gets done around the house) altering your mood and how you interact with other people. Medications might give some relief, but it will still take a long time + lots of work(out) to get back to normal. Most people heal from prolapsed discs without chronic pain, some don't. If not relatable, try imagine having a knife in your back - screaming pain when ever you move. Finding rest can be a long series of trying to relax tense muscles, and once relaxed the pain comes back - and the muscle tenses back up. It is 'easy' to recognize back pain, not so much if your mind/belief is 'playing tricks'

[@deloresjackson3384]

I'm single, got a lot of health issues. Not looking for a relationship and I have support, but not with family members. I am happy that Lauren and Rob are doing great in their lives

[@LP-bf9oe]

Is there is a connection between lower back pain and schizophrenia? Because you are the forth person i am noticing having this issue apart from the person that i am dating now

[@EgonSorensen]

​@@LP-bf9oe I am not a doctor, so I am not qualified to investigate + I don't know in general. What I do know is that a pill usually won't cure - it (might) helps the body heal itself. I have become good at feeling my body and relax muscles that tense up. It helps with body pain, and I would say it lowers my stress levels + heart rate as well. Call it meditation, with a portion of yoga, to balance things. Mild and gentle, not contortion and wild exercise, that works wonders with me - and even though most doctors won't suggest yoga (I imagine they want repeat business) most say that exercise is good, in moderate amounts. Why pop a pill, to relax, if your mind can connect and do the same? But, as with all types of skill: Practice makes perfect, I have been interested in yoga+meditation for over 30 years - and I can tell you and everyone that it is a journey that requires time and involvement. That aside, I imagine that the nerves going into the brain (from all over the body) has an affect on the mind, and just as a defective highway causes traffic jams, road rage and other negative effects - it would be the same with the body's energy+signal pathways.

[@ninettehalpin2779]

Excellent!! This show is so necessary and important. Stay well & strong and know that every episode you air makes the lives of those with schizophrenia so much more hopeful thru the understanding and eventual acceptance you're bringing to the subject. Thank you for your bravery and honesty in sharing your life that it may be a blessing to others. Truly grateful 🙏 ❤️

[@Gomorragh]

you did very well to actually bring it up on the 3rd date, a lot of times even approaching the subject can be hard enough to the point that you sidetrack before you know it .... good on you for doing that.

[@tracieday8661]

You guys have a very good communication flow. That's so important in any relationship.

[@wisteria6656]

thank you SO MUCH! Im feeling so lost on how to handle my s/o psychosis and seeing you two give me so much hope

[@CandyHart-vu1dj]

Should I be worried he’ll hurt one of us?? My partner has recently had what I’d say is an extreme episode, he’s currently sitting in jail 300 miles away. After leaving for work and never showing up, he disappeared for 4 days. Apparently on the third day, early Thanksgiving morning , he ran out of gas, parking his car in the freeway, a semi hit it and smashed it to bits, he wasn’t in the car at the time. The cops took him to hospital and somehow he wound up at a gas station, proceeded to get in a car that was presumably left running and drove over 300 miles from home. From there, he was pulled over for reckless endangerment, I guess he was driving erratically and almost hit a city truck (he claims to not remember any of this, I heard it from the prosecutor in his hearing) there was a gun in the car he took (which he says he was unaware of) so the cops about shot him. He’s been charged with dui, (presumably from the marijuana that lead to this episode cuz I know he has been previously diagnosed with marijuana induced schizophrenia, and refused to take medication the last year we’ve been together), driving without his blow n go (left over from his milder but still awful episode a year ago in which again pot was the dui but the idiots gave him a blow n go not drug tests), reckless endangerment, and unlawful possession of a firearm in the 2nd degree. He’ll probably be charged at some point with theft of a vehicle. After a week or so in psych (a joke cuz they’ve done nothing to help him) he’s in another part of the h jail but isolated. And he’s been himself, so I thought it was just the pot. But yesterday, he was irritated, aggressive, just being a dick on the phone, said he couldn’t sleep and heard voices. Which I’m sure is really hard cuz there are voices everywhere all the time in there, I hear it constantly in calls or video. And he’s different. TodayI saw him on video chat but he looked different acted different and was a jerk and then just left the video after a couple minutes. I noticed he was different before he disappeared, his voice, demeanor, like mean and totally not like him. From the beginning he minimized it, said it was only when he smoked pot, but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s really freaking me out. I’m 5 months pregnant with his child. Am I going to have to worry he’ll hurt one of us. I have a4yr old too and he’s mostly been an awesome dad, but looking back I can see irritability, aggression, bad mood swings. Which is what we always fight about, me reacting to his moods. I feel terrorized. I feel like I was lied to. I feel like his family should have said something. He’s been to jail a few times, much much milder instances but after looking into it, was probably just the beginning (around 25 when it started happening) he’s almost 29. I feel like I’ve been duped and this wasn’t worth it, I hate saying this because I love him so so much and he’s normally such a good dude, but this has been an awful ride. And I thought we were off it, but it seems a hopeful delusion of my own cuz I don’t know that this will ever get better. I have so many unanswered questions not only about the events leading to his arrest but for the future. I can’t sleep, I cry a lot over this. Full of regret. Ugh, thanks for listening.

[@Thora14]

This was an amazing conversation to witness and I can't wait to tune in for these future videos. Thank you, both, for your openness and honesty in navigating these conversations with kindness and tender loving care for each other.

[@quinn1756]

Thank you so much for this information. You have no idea how much it helped, especially about the low capacity and mistaking protection for control.

[@layotheleprechaun]

This is like listening to couples therapy, I enjoy it😅

[@sophcw]

This is so great and relatable even for people dealing with less "severe" illnesses like anxiety, depression or ADHD and histories of trauma in relationships.

[@india1422]

Depression can be a very very severe Illness

[@DjAmaratziOfficial]

@@india1422 adhd can be as well, even as destructive as schizophrenia. Anxiety and depression are common with it too, as well common with schizophrenia. I don’t think any disorder is really worse than another and it all depends on many complex factors.

[@osagejon8972]

Many good things discussed in this video, I am looking forward to the next. Challenging for those who don't have a mental illness to grasp why the proverbial bed isn't made or the dishes aren't done, where if we had a visible illness there would be no questions asked. How i deal with many things that can all to often feel insurmountable is to break them down into smaller and smaller bits until they are manageable... sometimes things must be broken pretty small and I always do something each and every day.

[@MattMedland-fu4ft]

I'm glad you guys have these chats as I'm not a sufferer that lives with a sufferer and this helps thank you

[@jacquelineleitch7050]

Rob it is so good that you use your education to be educated rather than abuse it and lose it to become a better psych bureaucrat. Good on ya. Keep that. Amazing to hear the word “co-dependency” used without ouch and without fear. Lauren - I know that you are well educated and am not downplaying that. It has had to have helped magnums as it has with me. Being able to intellectualize and back up the issues has helped. And in my experience with relationships. I was absolutely expecting people not to take me seriously as a love interest. Who would? I can’t earn a lot of money. I don’t care about status. I am easily hurt and bullied by power trippers. All these things seem to be the norm that people without mental illness can distance from easily. My methodology is to seclude myself and watch people. Don’t get involved. And so I am 24 years into my relationship and still feel that somehow I must have entrapped my partner. Why would he ever want to live/live someone who has had to scrape and struggle with things like employment and that also when I am exhausted it’s over. I can’t move. I can not give equally financially and it has been an aspect of the relationship that I had not expected to have as an issue when I was growing up and as a young adult.

[@mirimiriela480]

I think it's so wonderful that you're doing this work together, both privately and publicly. I do just want to caution about the word codependency. Codependency implies an addiction, i.e. an addict, a drug of some sort, and a codependent person or an enabler. It sounds like you're describing dependence, interdependence, maybe hyperdependence, or maybe just a lack of independence, but none of those things are inherently problematic. Where you might run into trouble is if you develop enmeshment with one another and lose the ability to differentiate between your own thoughts and feelings and your partner's.

[@lgk4395]

I’m am struggling with my husband having this disorder on top of my own. You guys are doing a good job and your videos have helped in a big way.

[@LivingWellAfterSchizophrenia]

JOIN OUR ONLINE PEER SUPPORT COMMUNITY Schizophrenia Peer Support Community: www.schizophreniapeersupport.com General Mental Illness Peer Support Community: www.onlinepeersupport.com

[@julielynn86]

Hi Lauren and Rob. Your channel is fascinating and I've watched it for some time now. I don't have any personal experience with schizophrenia or know anyone who has it but I am interested in all psychology and your case is especially riveting. Thank you for sharing your struggles and for helping us understand what this illness is like and how it impacts your lives. Hugs! ❤

[@kimwells7245]

I love the last part the most! I like when you include that stuff too!

[@robdario661]

Just like one can never know what someone’s inner individual struggles are, couples too go through their own unknown struggles. Thanks for your sharing and spreading understanding.

[@animalmini1]

Crying on the inside right now because I’m in public. I have a family member who was recently diagnosed after an extreme episode .. they sought inpatient care which gave their diagnosis .. how she was describing herself made me cry because I’ve literally been through multiple moments of these actions by said family member and for months we could not figure out what was wrong .. for years it would be subtle but this year a few months of not breaking from it lead to an extreme episode .. now this is recent so my family member is not accepting of this diagnosis but then why is this so similar.. we are seeking second opinions but I hope my family members continues care for the sake of their health .. we need this family member so badly.. no even for anything specific we just love them to much for this to happen again .. we get it’s long term but it can get so bad without care

[@jeanie111]

Such a brave and impactful video. Thank you for sharing your journey together.

[@glennwatson]

I was picking up that Rob was a bit tense during the video and that final section of your video was great since it put it on context that he's just a bit unused to being in front of the camera.

[@alicehuguet3765]

Hi Lauren and Rob. Thank you for your outstanding work on Living Well with Schizophrenia. I learn so much from you! Just a practical comment - personally I hate housework and can think of many other things I'd rather do with my time 😄 So eventually I got a cleaning lady once a week for 4 hours. It is expensive but doing this has made a huge difference to my quality of life and genuinely makes me happy 😊 I don't have a mental health difficulty. I have 3 children and still have to do a lot of house work and think that every parent deserves a helping hand in a way that is meaningful to him/her.

[@hayleymacdonald]

you guys have inspired me to start making my own videos on my schizophrenia!! thank you

[@PerksJ]

Thank you for giving me the words to talk to my partner about similar things. When you said “capacity” it just clicked perfectly. I am autistic and my partner has ADHD and we both have differing severities of anxiety and depression at any given time. We are struggling with friction over capacity and rejection sensitivity. I’m hoping to find a couples therapist soon but no one takes Medicaid 😞

[@terryabate9231]

It’s wonderful to see how much you love each other this is good!

[@drea2167]

Thank you for being vulnerable ☺️🙏🏽 Im just learning about this. A loved one just got diagnosed I'm trying to be supportive

[@terryabate9231]

My husband is always giving me reminders of what needs to be done in the house and sometimes he feels like I don’t care but that’s not true

[@NuclearAnomaly0]

Completely understand what you’re going through with that, I’ve been dealing with it from every single person I know for years….

[@cindyhalpern3187]

My second husband had Schizophrenia. But he was a compulsive smoker and I got severe Asthma. After years of marriage, with parenting our daughter, I had to divorce him. He is a nice guy, but his smoking was killing me literally. And there was no way he could quit. He depends upon smoking to anchor him. We are still good friends. But he is actually glad I divorced him. Our marriage gave him too much stimuli. Every case is so different. But I had to save my life with my Asthma. He just couldn't quit smoking. Too much change is impossible for him.

[@candiceowens1991]

She gets worried when I start to have voices or see things. She's always supporting me in going to my therapist and sometimes financially. We both deal with mental illness and for the first year she took care of the things I would forget about. But now she's been in depression and we are both bad at cleaning and putting away laundry except for specific days maybe once a week where we have the energy for these things.

[@really2426]

Tbh yall are so wholesome & sweet to each other.

[@Mindofaschizophrenic]

I have paranoid schizophrenia and I told my mom how much you make it easier to cope with it

[@aprylsaurusrexx]

The ending is my favorite. You guys deciding which sitting options is the best 🤣

[@gis4giraffe]

Wow you guys do really well hearing each other out. I think it would be hard for Lauren to feel that Rob isn’t taking the upper hand in conflict by using her illness and she really doesn’t seem to.

[@mikuchuuu]

I’m a 19 year old girl who just got diagnosed w paranoid schizophrenia 1 week ago, living w it is like hell but I push through it but one issue I have is I’m in love w someone, they feel the same way and they r trying to understand my illness and help me but I’m so scared to live and love someone w schizophrenia, I don’t know what to do I feel like I will lose the person or I’m setting up a trap for them w my illness and I’m very scared but seeing other schizophrenic ppl having someone makes me feel like it’s not impossible!

[@DC-xi6gd]

I relate to all of this too. I don't have either diagnosis, but started experiencing what I now know as paranoia of my husbands behavior toward me. I also was experiencing a major burnout and finally got some basic medications for seratonin. Thank God the meds have helped so much for me to the point where I wish I hadn't waited so long to try it.

[@sarahs7524]

😃 Hahaha I love those outtakes! I can totally see if I was making videos this would come up as well. Lol Great video!

[@nathaliemalouf7801]

Wow! Such generosity and authenticity delivered in a sensitive and intelligent way by sharing, between you two and for our benefit..... just wow!

[@coastaf]

World changing - luck on your friendships and connecting with more safe folks and groups that help you each feel fulfilled as individuals, partners, friends, parents, children and citzs!

[@libbyisakitteh]

Thank you so much for your work and your channel. You are doing important things. Please keep posting. 💕

[@manicantsettleonausername6789]

Thank you for this open and honest conversation!

[@markhughes7028]

Bless you both, she is so nervous listening to you. MUCH LOVE!!!

[@markhughes7028]

I cant help but watch the progression in this video and wish I could chat to Rob about my lady friend. She is so much a beautiful person and denies her condition. I know it is real due to chatting with her sister. I wonder whether she knows "THAT I KNOW" i want to learn so much because she is simply beautiful. I tell her all the time.

[@Pinkcandy777]

Im best friends 2 yrs now with a lovely kind guy. Hes got scitzophrenia x

[@MPG-ub5ke]

Love how you guys tackle vulnerable, sensitive subjects head on 💪🏼 I gather is you guys struggle to navigate where Lauren ends & where the illness begins & vice versa.

[@JesusSaves77799]

Wow. I am so impressed with how honest you both were. Thank you so much for sharing. If I may offer some advice, I completely agree that you both need some separate time. Does Rob have to be a huge part of making the videos, or can he just participate in certain awesome series like this one? Maybe a little space on this front may help him to forge some additional pursuits as well? Another passion of his, perhaps? Also, can you get a cleaning woman or a nanny for a few hours a day or week to give Lauren some help with those tasks that seem daunting to her at times? Also, maybe you can get a babysitter for you both so you can both have a break and also have some time to go out together go out together and have some fun together? Also, maybe attending a Church together might be inspiring? I give you both a lot of credit. You went through CoVid together as newlyweds and had a baby together during that time. It was a tough time for so many people, but that is especially challenging. Just try to give yourselves some “me” time and “couple” time. Please don’t take it out on each other because the circumstances of CoVid and a new marriage, blended family and baby are a huge challenge for most people! And Lauren, even though you have some struggles, just remember all of the amazing things you can do. This channel for one. How you can run. And how you are so open and also so rational about your situation. God bless you both, your marriage and family (and extended family) in Jesus’s Holy Name, Amen!! [Also, Lauren, would be be able to describe in a video (if you haven’t already) what it feels like when it is hard for you to clean or keep up with certain tasks at times? I would love to know how you experience that if possible so that I can be more aware. Thank you so much!! Xoxo] Love to you both!!

[@Ali-yu2pv]

Thank you so much for sharing these conversations, they're very important and are a step forward beside therapy in handling these situations; in relationship with others and with our selves, to hear and share experiences and find a safe community that understands is priceless, it saves a lot of time, suffering, struggles, misunderstandings and self-loathing; honestly it's life saving, litterally and by quality. Wish you both and your whoe family all the happiness, you deserve it and again thank you so much for these precious things you share with us :)

[@SnaptrixGaming]

I wish me and my ex wife could have talked like this. I am going to see someone about getting diagnosed. But I think it pushed us towards separation. And neither of us could talk about it

[@terryabate9231]

Just keep on keeping on and do what you’re doing because you’re helping a lot of people in essence it will help you in your relationship with your husband

[@sunnydawn7682]

Thank-you so much for sharing this. My partner of 10 years has schizophrenia and I can relate to so much of what you are saying. Thanks for sharing your example. 😊