How Five Simple Words Can Get You What You Want | Janine Driver | TEDxHardingU

[@anandalux4774]

This lecture changed my life. There was something I wanted that I thought I couldn't get; I thought it was written in stone that I WOULD NOT GET IT. It seemed IMPOSSIBLE. Even though it was very important to me, I gave up on it. But then I came across this TED talk, and realized that my NO started with the words “well, typically...” So I pushed, and pushed, and pushed. And...I got it!!!!!! 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾

[@nadiamagdalena2712]

Well what is it?!😮❗❓

[@anandalux4774]

Nadia Magdalena it’s a bit of a long story and very personal. I left this comment to encourage anyone who sees this to apply the lesson of the lecture to anything in their life they want to achieve, but might think it’s impossible. With the right perseverance ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. 🙌🏾

[@purplefunkything7514]

Ananda Lux I’m going to use this like you have - encouraging to read that this has helped others change their life 🦋

[@slimetime7611]

yayy:)) good for u, glad u learned something and glad u got what u wanted!

[@samsara-summermooncomehome5881]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 I hope it made you very happy💗

[@HeritageDrPepper]

For everyone confused, the words are "Decided(ly" and other "ly" words of which she listed 3) and "because". (For people reading this before watching the video, I don't do it justice in the least. If you actually want the empowering effects of these words I suggest you still watch the video and just keep this explanation in mind for a clearer understanding while viewing ☺.) Decidedly Normally Usually Typically (and other like words such as ordinarily, unfortunately, sadly and alternatively) These are the "open door" words. "Because" is the word you use to open that door and get what you want even when people are using the first four words as an excuse to not give you what you want. "Decided(ly) because changes what was" is supposed to mean "decidedly *+* because changes what was" as in using *"because"* against people who use *"decidedly"* *changes* *what* the previous "decision" *was.*

[@earleneh.4457]

YOU absolutely broke it down for me. The light bulb went off when I read your comment. Perhaps seeing it in written form helped. Thank you for getting it, breaking it down and sharing it for the "slow people in the back"- like myself. Lol

[@spirituallyawoke5569]

Thank you so much this helps with note taking

[@Lorant1984]

"Because changes what decidedly was!" Makes more sense to me.

[@adiconstantin4598]

They say: DECIDED/ ... ly word: NORMALLY/ TYPICALLY/ USUALLY/ etc. ==> The door is 2% open 😃 You say: BECAUSE 1...& BECAUSE 2... & ... BECAUSE n... ==> You open the door 100% !!! 👏 PS: for me, your cause must be fair

[@TheCornhusker]

Thank you everyone, very helpful.

[@SoEmmaz1ng]

Just in case someone is in the same boat: I had trouble getting engaged into this Ted talk and almost clicked out. A comment here said that this talk changed their life, so I skipped ahead. I definitely will say the perspective offered here over the "typically, because, changes what was" is brilliant and worth a listen, even if it's just the way you receive insight over how you use or interpret those words. When the speaker gets comfortable with the audience and into her own skin, she's absolutely captivating. Thank you for the insight!

[@nikilee5535]

I found her hard to follow until the end. She mixed a lot of metaphors making her point a bit confusing. However, now I will always listen for 'decided,' the 'l y' words, and 'because.'

[@juliecayer6342]

True she's good at what she does

[@juliecayer6342]

Life always happens !?

[@reginafromrio]

Yep, I'm at 5:08 and already tapping out. Not engaging.. Thank you for your comment!

[@DJK-cq2uy]

​@reginafromrio big deal!!! Who the H cares u 🤪 😂

[@alanmorris7669]

Since no one else has taken the initiative to reveal the five words, here they are: "Decidedly Because Changes What Was."

[@ROB7002]

wat

[@JoeHamilton-ms9qb]

If ur not being honest BECAUSE you DECIDED to CHANGE WHAT WAS said..Ill know too late

[@michellewilson9545]

⁠

[@Krankyism]

Its so funny that those are the words 😂

[@CraziestcatLife]

Huh?

[@SerenityEscapes]

In simple terms: Be Relentless... Sometimes simply being persistent and not giving up, gives you the results you want.

[@TheKhopesh]

Don't be relentless, be tactfully persistent. Relentless implies a confrontational aggressiveness.

[@SerenityEscapes]

@@TheKhopesh Ah yes, well said

[@robyndismon394]

@@TheKhopesh I disagree completely.

[@SerenityEscapes]

@@jacquelinel1618 😅

[@liebejill]

I liked this talk very much but she made it sound like we can even negotiate with science.

[@ZiggyLu-og3zp]

Don’t wait until 50 for things to just magically work out without you being proactive. NOTHING works out without participation. Begin to MOVE! This video has opened my eyes to see that I have been spending life sitting on the side lines. Nothing is written in stone and everything is negotiable. Period.

[@Pessia88]

Yes, this is the right way

[@j.3779]

Even with 50 you can still do things and change stuff!!

[@olir6910]

Why stop at 50? Not written in stone anywhere that you must give up at 50

[@j.3779]

@@olir6910 exactly. Often those big steps are happening after 50. Still going enough to learn, study.. Work. Everything.

[@kosalax]

@@j.3779 Dz

[@evgenyminkevich6587]

I usually do not leave comments for videos. But because it was so awesome I have decided to do one. At first, I thought why spend 24 minutes on just three words. I give it 4 and see where it goes. Turns out it IS NOT an instructional video. It IS a hands on coaching. Thus 24 minutes well spent. Thank you, Janine.

[@kapilcybridge]

Evgeny Minkevich The most important part is after you “Decided “, you actually “Acted on it” ! :)

[@katanyajason3316]

@@kapilcybridge Despite the fact that he "usually" doesn't leave comments :D

[@starlessmystery6429]

I still don’t get it. I am missing the point of this. I never get what I want and wish I could get it, I mean understand it

[@kapilcybridge]

@@starlessmystery6429 He used 2 words that she mentioned in the video. First, "Decided" where Katanya explained that Decided is just in mind but Not Action Taken, so I pointed out that the best thing was that he actually acted on it. Then Katanya pointed out that he used the "Usually" word as well , which means it is something he is ready to compromise with , which he did. He usually do not comment, but he did comment. :D Fun to watch the magic formula working in the comments as well. :)

[@kylaleigh8018]

​@@starlessmystery6429 I don't get what I want in life because I have decided that I never get what I want in life. After deciding that I must be missing something, I typically start wishing for something I usually assume I don't possess. I've decided that there's something wrong with me, and typically this is when I discount myself, and don't give myself any credit. Typically, this is a perfect opportunity to ask the question, what do I want in life and how might I be more open to receiving what life has to offer? Usually it can be helpful to ask - What can I give to life because you're stronger and smarter than you think. The willingness you have to ask the question here is a beautiful window through which you might peer into your limitless potential.

[@JulietKing-s9c]

I am now a FAN of Janine Driver. I will find ways to take the Because Challenge. Thank You Mrs. Driver 💝

[@jesscleary5370]

me too! had not heard of her before today!

[@vilmacordero2974]

This is true. A group of professionals ‘decided’ I had to pay a large amount of money I supposedly owed them. Everyone refused to take my call from that department. All I wanted was for them to listen and understand my situation. I did not accept that decision. I wrote and talked to every politician I could think of to question it. Guess what? They listened and agreed that I did not have to pay that amount. The decision was changed in my favour. It took a lot longer than I expected but I succeeded. Decisions can be changed. It just depends on how much you want it to be changed and what you are prepared to do to get what you want.

[@grace-shantif2073]

BRILLIANT. Inspiring YOU following your Inner Guidance 🙂

[@mugen8studios]

cheap! but smart! =]

[@melissaa9326]

I just used your advice to go from a 2% raise to a 4% raise because I deserved it! Thank you :-)

[@GxsrLuv]

Just go ask

[@laurenragle5228]

Congratulations, that's wonderful!

[@ВикторияВоскресенская-т8ф]

I think I managed to found my own company and lead it only due to this amazing talk that I listened first like 2 years ago! Thank you so much for shaping my way of communicating and getting what I want, not agreeing to first thing I hear ❤

[@KS-ne5mq]

People like her are what Ted Talks are supposed to be where it’s told in a way that entertains while at the same time teaches.

[@DeuceGenius]

should be more about the ideas than entertainment.

[@dawnieb.7394]

@@DeuceGenius not entertainment in the typical sense. It's more about personality and how someone speaks to and interacts with an audience. It's what makes the difference when you take a class with a professor who can teach a difficult subject in a way that gets students enthused and interested, or the way a presenter at a business meeting can keep everyone engaged in a day-long seminar. You don't want the person who speaks in a monotone or hasn't at least taken one public speaking course to be holding you captive in your seat. You need someone with a little personality, a little bit of liveliness, even if the topic is a very serious one. Otherwise people will reach for their phones or doze off.

[@playertherapper]

@@heavypizza True, TEDx has a smaller audience and is local. They also have to be licensed by Ted, and anyone who has a license can host them with speakers who are not necessarily field experts.

[@patriot20000]

@@dawnieb.7394 And a few laughs are always welcome!

[@HappilyAnonymousGirl]

This had me in tears right at the end. What she’s teaching us is amazing! Thank you, for sharing!

[@traceycollins8101]

me too!

[@melfitch2088]

So weird because I teared up when she introduced her 3 sons...

[@sohafontaine136]

If you are watching this talk, make sure you listen to the entire 23 min, she has a valuable lesson by the end. Thank you Jenine.

[@MA7-6585]

i missed it.

[@ajmalali5317]

Soha Fontaine Obrigadoh Grazzie

[@buck4490]

All the boring stories about her infertility problems..... she needs to learn to get to the point.

[@martam518]

Why dont we start watching this ted talk from the end? Thanks fir the clue.

[@jaelthegreat]

Thank you because I'm listening and bless her hear but I'm not getting the point.

[@VivianInTheOC]

I have watched this many times and I get something new from it each time. This is gold!

[@Jayla60]

Brilliant -- it's another way of not taking no for an answer -- but alerting us to the keywords people use to side step our dreams and goals. Thank you, Janine! My ears will be perked up for the "decided" and LY words.... and I'll be ready with my BECAUSE list next time.

[@rickdeckard1075]

not "brilliant" at all, she's representative of exactly whats wrong with 21st century HR practices

[@marblehead2500]

@@rickdeckard1075 can you explain?

[@rickdeckard1075]

@@marblehead2500 my comment is self-explanatory.

[@marblehead2500]

@@rickdeckard1075 not as much as you may believe.

[@rickdeckard1075]

@@marblehead2500 1) watch video 2) collate all information from video 3) this is whats wrong with HR in >2001

[@joewenclawiak9213]

What an outstanding and timely message. I absolutely love Janine Driver’s delivery and style. I wish this message was available 30 years ago, but it’s never too late to apply her wisdom.

[@lynnkupfer7190]

Janine. Love your story. I too struggled with infertility due to age. I used an egg doner + my husband. It was still the early days of the procedure. They are twin boy and girl, Seniors in High School. I gave birth at 46. They are the greatest gift from God.

[@katekate8973]

Blessings for you and your family

[@littledancingfawn]

Awesome! But I feel bad for your children this year. They missed so much or it wasn’t what it was supposed to be like ( prom, senior trip, graduation etc). 😥

[@redwoodrebelgirl3010]

Congratulations! God bless you, your children, & your family, always. 💗

[@nerd9347.]

I like the way she thinks. *sending both prayers, & a hug because parents are awesome*.

[@danishiqbalhashmi]

O my God! This woman was blowing my mind for straight 24 minutes, I have decided to rewatch this again, usually I don't do that, because not everything is this much interesting. You rock Jeanine.

[@JaysonT1]

...you DECIDED to rewatch it, did you?

[@madsubhash]

@@JaysonT1 he's joking he also used the ly word

[@robertdaem2315]

Put the setting speed at 1.5 decidedly less time

[@jillh2186]

Because……😊

[@willstrongnovastar6955]

This is no woman >

[@briterry4961]

I'll *probably* forget most of what she said by next week, but I'm still glad I *decided* to watch this, *because* I found that ketchup cup hack very useful.

[@waking-tokindness5952]

To Bri Terry: --- But now, _because_ of your high-spirited creation of such a neatly summary comment, your previous low-spirited _decision_ (to let yourself forget about most here re this precious life-door-opener) is almost certain-_ly_ being averted, enabling after-all some higher potential future for you & yours to be happening by now.

[@sharlottafalls]

Nah, you learned your lesson🤣🤣🤣

[@dedwinx8040]

Why not take notes on it am implicate the things you learn in Ted Talks into your life, just imagine if all the little things you learned you began adding to ur life instead of learning about it for entertainment then forgetting it.

[@katherinewilson1853]

​@@KENNETHTXMMA Adverbs used correctly are rare. Adverbs are used incorrectly quite often. They are overused in modern English, in order to convey a sense of, "maybe," rather than being more precise. Hence her current ability to gauge others' use of them as a frame of mind.

[@sabrinamarie4380]

You probabLY can remember because you have not executed that decision.

[@andredarin8966]

What a brilliant woman! At first she grated on me "but"--another amazing word that is a light flashing which signals "Ignore everything that came before the word--but...she managed to give a masterclass in persuasion in less than 24 minutes. 🎗

[@sunshinexoxo3052]

Man. I'm not gonna lie the first time I watched this it went completely over my head. Now i've watched it again and it's crystal clear. Thank you!

[@timisaac8121]

The first time I watched this, I might have been a little high: the second time, I was probably drinking, the last two times, I am stone cold sober and finally nailed down the format for me to get back to work from covid non-work. Thank you!! (I'll let you know how it works out)

[@DJK-cq2uy]

Please don't n say u did.😂goofball

[@erinbathie-moore8478]

There have been many times in my life where I have pushed at the wrong times and relented when I should have pushed. Thank you Janine, I’ll keep this in mind

[@MichaelMillman]

I was waiting to find out if the most powerful five word phrase to get your outcome would make an appearance. In the final minute, I smiled and said "Ahh, there it is!" "Would you be willing to?" Bravo!

[@ItsaShortLyfe]

Jeanne Driver is a powerhouse. She provides people with the tools needed to navigate tough situations. Though I cannot promise you that you will WIN every time. I CAN PROMISE that you will be a better version of yourself. More aware, stronger, faster version of whoever you were before Jeanne blessed you!

[@mariclaretpatton9412]

I have been a leader and in leadership my whole life. I will complete a national leadership certification this October on top of all of my other leadership credentials. THIS twenty minutes is icing, cherry, whip cream on top! Love it. I am going to follow Janine, read her books, and never accept or use decided or LY again! What a great name too, "Driver."

[@gigglecheeks123]

I remember a few years ago deciding you don’t have to be “lead” or “controlled” in a negotiation or conflict resolution. The mind set is to not give up your position, get control, and keep it. State your case ultimately convincing others to get what you want. Do the Dog whisperer (calm and assertive) Put your fears and manners aside, go over their heads, make your argument. What have you got to lose.

[@isabelamacavei1333]

Stretching our limits means to become uncomfortable. To work harder for it. To prioritize things in a daily schedule, our relationships including those that I call "vampire relationships" draining you of energy (or loading you with negative fields). Words are the most clear ways a human brain can express in any language though the association with the body language can become a better picture. I walked in the shoes of Janine, and asked many uncomfortable questions that made them uneasy from their regular path of what the doctor decided. I severed relationships that did not deserve my money, and continued to choose what I thought it was best for myself. Cleared the way of all negativity in my life, and finding a focus that worth my attention and precious time. This was a beautiful reminder that we all need to be our own advocate. Nobody knows better than we do in our heart what's best for us and what we really want. Best of luck!

[@tonywilfred5719]

i hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness prosperity love and peace 💞❤️🕊️🕊️ all over the world 🙏🌍 I'm originally from Ireland currently living in Key West Florida☀️☀️☀️☀️and you where are you from if i may ask?💭💭

[@sueelliott4793]

This is so appropriate for these times. Im watching this for the 3rd time in 3 years

[@juliekrol]

I’ve always thought of myself as the exception to every rule and because of that I’ve never stopped pressing. This is a great talk, maybe we should all think we are exceptions all the time and not settle ❤

[@nealmanchester2200]

I happened onto this TEDx talk and all I can say is amazing. Worth every minute of your time!

[@myklmusic]

I get it. I've negotiated for virtually everything I've wanted, and have achieved 100percent. My Parents did a great job with me.

[@dana102083]

There's always more to do..

[@aparnabhatia5072]

@myklmusic how did u negotiate for virtually everything? It's not possible to get everything in life, u have to give in sometimes. Some people are stuck up, stubborn to the core, have OCD, or other mental health issues, u cannot negotiate with them. I have been trying to negotiate with my x-hubby who is egotistical, for the past 7 years and no luck plus I have a sister who suffers from schizophrenia and a brother who is stubborn too. Pls, share your negotiation strategies, they will be helpful for all of us. We wouldn't need the legal system if could negotiate for everything in life.

[@sanne5412]

I watch this vid every two years or so as a reminder. Its so good

[@margheritavittoria9766]

First I dissed this, then I gave it a chance. So glad I did. Thank you J.

[@pattij2931]

Great story! I "generally" push hard to get what I want. Now I will listen for the LY words, and use "because" to frame my argument. Amazing, super interesting.

[@inplane9970]

I love her casual style of presentation! It sounds like a talk show rather than a formal discussion. Had me engaged throughout.

[@heathercastle383]

This was hands down the best and most life-altering speaker I have ever listened to. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for providing this TED talk

[@melodioushaste]

Sad life, eh?

[@1oolabob]

This is a good talk. I don't *typically* expect much from "power words", but this isn't the typical kind of talk about words to use for persuasion. Instead, Ms. Driver teaches us to challenge the way we hear some words and not let those words be the ends of conversations that could have had more potential...which is of course a person's *own* potential, and the entire trick is to get past the words that might hinder that potential and stop your progress. I think this is something really powerful for anyone who senses that they aren't really typical, usual, average, ordinary, etc. and wants to live genuinely. I'll probably still use -ly words, but I'll try to use them a-typically and keep an eye out for what can be done extraordinarily.

[@migi7787]

I share same your point of view, was just reading through the comments to see if I am wrong...

[@PH_1964]

This is one of THE best Ted's I've ever watched. Thank you so much. It somehow lifts the feeling of oppression. I'm so delighted you have your beautiful family. Much love to you 😍🤗💖

[@TubeNutriDoc]

Keep coming back to hear Janine Driver somehow at a perfect crossroads time when I need to have tools in my vocabulary to close a deal. Thank you Mrs. Driver.😎

[@judahroyal9879]

Clawing to be better equipped to communicate what I want and this talk literally spelled it out for me, THANK YOU!!!!

[@darringross7316]

Just brilliant Janine. I've always prided myself on seeing reality for what it is, but you made my brain feel like an egg being cracked open for the first time.

[@DreamHouse-qh4vc]

Her introduction was 100...and she knew exactly how to get attention. I fall asleep on most of Ted's speakers. This one is full of energy and smart

[@ayeshak6822]

Takes her too long to get to the point. It's freaking pointless.

[@klilly6035]

I have listened to this before and started noticing how this really happens in societies. I am so happy that you are teaching this to the public because these people are not trained to say these things, they just naturally flow to the -ly words!!! how incredible! so i have learned to spot it and talk it through. thank you for creating this and sharing it!!!

[@fishhuntadventure]

True. I was listening and evaluating and realized that “usually” and “typically” either is coming from a non-decision maker or the speaker is holding back a truth whatever that may be.

[@thedirtprincess3293]

This is freaking phenomenal. I would pay to hear her speak or take her classes. No LY words involved.

[@laheil3373]

Definitely watch to the end- my eyes teared up involuntarily at her favorite ketchup cup story. It made me realize how many opportunities I may have missed, but now have the tools to not let that happen again. Thank you for this! Just what I needed to hear today.

[@gyvermc7235]

in a while, i have never been emotionally touched by anything “except” this... harboring one's potential not just because “but” because there is certainly a room for it is one of the most ted talks that inspires.

[@johnreynoldsusa]

Fantastic! I only knew “de-cide” comes from the Latin words “de” away from, and “cido cidere, “ to cut,” so we’re cutting away all possibilities … but this is awesome, you’re totally right that deciding isn’t taking action! Thank you! 🙋‍♂️

[@sidney5436]

Probably the best TED ever because this lady is exceptional.

[@katrinamulberries4567]

Thank you because now i know i am going to get my new home overlooking the water with our 2 loving twin Labrador dogs.. happy to swim in the ocean , with my only Son and Bro coming to visit. Brilliant.

[@alabamajenny8751]

I will never look at a tiny ketchup cup the same again. What an amazing lesson for life. Janine you may have just changed millions of lives. Thank you.

[@mikeqeetus3215]

I normally don't leave comments but I decided I will this time. I am having a hard time understanding why people leave comments bashing things. Some constructive criticism could be helpful but outright slamming somebody doesn't seem helpful to anyone. If you looked at this video you were seeking something if it was only entertainment this is a government interrogator telling you information how to make negotiations go more your way. The bottom line is to be more of a critical thinker and not just accept what somebody is telling you

[@Mrs_Yvonne_Afreh]

Mike Qeetus Excellent

[@TheRealJanineDriver]

Thanks Mike!!! My Mom raised me with the belief that "Hurt people, hurt people." So when I see that someone has taken the time to not only continue watching a talk they don't like, but they then throw away more of their life, putting hate here, I send some love their way. When people say mean things to anyone, it's a way of getting "Significance," which is a basic human need, so I say a silent prayer asking that they learn to walk away from something that doesn't fill them up and get their Significance through finding love and joy.

[@ameliarodriguezvisconti3674]

Constructive criticism or no posting. We who appreciate those with courage to speak in front of thousands of people in order to help others live better, do not want to hear negativity.

[@MaryannMarshall]

@@TheRealJanineDriver Thank you for this. It is a great approach.

[@jeanfoley3266]

Janine Driver 👊¡¡¡¡

[@rollandjoeseph]

If people thought they would click on this video because the misleading title gave you hopes of "getting what you want", you're greedy and missing the point of true happiness !! Positively true!

[@aldoagnellini756]

I'm italian and I've just realized how powerful is the word "because" in english. We don't have such a multitool in italian, because we have to use a plethora of words to cover all its possible uses

[@blueclover9918]

And you used "because" already

[@Lcab-bh3wx]

@@blueclover9918 no wonder Italian have so many hang-ups

[@katherinewilson1853]

Interesting. I'm fascinated by the types of words now. Thank you for sharing.

[@othmane-mezian]

Ma perche??

[@Ani-cm4cs]

...pero

[@geraldineportelli3096]

Outstanding message. One of the best I ever listened to. Thank you.

[@eh2179]

Brought tears to my eyes on seeing the family photo. What a wonderful ending. So inspirational! Thank-you!

[@margotmcmaster5660]

Thank you Janine! Exactly what I needed to hear today. You are amazing

[@brianburdett3463]

Normally I don't watch an entire youtube video, because they are typically unstimulating, but because she makes compelling and interesting arguments I decided to watch it through.

[@animationfludYT]

I see what you did there!

[@Corinthians-kjv]

You decided?

[@skipbellon2755]

Very good presentation. I've decided there is absolute-ly no reason doubt her. Because this person is living proof of the results.

[@priscillacarvajal9010]

I asked for a promotion at Job. Boss told me “is not time to approve it until new year” I answered: well, I dont need to work until new year to do my best every day. What I hear: “Let me give you a resolution in two days”.... two days after ¡¡¡Congratulations you have been promoted!!!

[@dshizznitrb3]

if they don't let u in through the door, u get in through the window

[@maiaallman4635]

Well done for making it happen!

[@mycarpenterfl7096]

danger I've always felt that way . Being self employed the only way your getting paid is to complete contracts and make a happy customer . If it doesn't work one way go another.

[@CnithTheOnliestOne]

You must have a nice boss! What I hear from other people is this: If you don't work, you get fired.

[@theselector4733]

What a GREAT comeback. U must've been thinking very "quick on your feet" that day.

[@tammy-lynnstewart5677]

I legit cried (in a good way) at the end of this vid. Thank you Janine for explaining how easy it can be.

[@Pilot_10]

Not me crying like a baby at the end! I felt this and needed this. There is always a way!

[@AnnaMaledonPictureBookAuthor]

What a woman! I loved it! If you really want something, go for it! Don't accept no for an answer BECAUSE you never know... it might just work out if you try hard enough.

[@leslierose7058]

Night sleep dream waves

[@paulmartins6573]

Anna Maledon Children's Author but same time don't try too much .

[@bloodyelbowest]

So no doesnt actually mean no?

[@TGHunter]

"No with a LY" that doesnt mean no, if it is a solid no, then you shouldnt try to insist

[@robertaturk]

GuppinasTH Ok so someone says no. Ask one of these questions in a curious nonjudgmental manner. “Oh, what’s that all about?” Or “What’s the reasoning behind that?” Or “How did you reach that conclusion?” Do not ask “WHY” because it tends to make people feel defensive and your purpose is to continue the conversation in a safe manner and not make it emotionally loaded.”

[@kenmcclellan]

"Is this gonna affect someone else in my life?" Spot on! So often we would let inertia carry us to the next moment without greater effort. But if there's a payoff for someone we care about ... totally changes our motivation!

[@RogueYogiPodcast]

@Ken McCLellan, especially in working with women, I find that considering ourselves is far harder than considering others! It’s all so interesting... and empowering!

[@biblejournaling66]

I loved you presentation, it was very enlightening. I cried when you reached the end and you spoke about your children. God Bless.

[@SN-sz7kw]

Excellent. I am now retired but can see clearly 2-3 major turning points in my professional life that could have turned significantly in my favor had I heard this advice. Will most certainly be passing this on to my daughters. And keeping it in mind for my own future. Excellent talk.

[@souleymanediarra4842]

I Love TEDx Talks because I'm always learning life changing Talks. God Bless Us and TEDx Talks

[@RogueYogiPodcast]

@Janine Driver, this could be a life-Masterclass, especially for empathic women! We’re actually used to deciding everything-even deeply personal or wholly irrelevant decisions-by presuming the opinions of others. No wonder we quickly run out of steam and find ourselves resentful at those who aren’t even aware of this distorted dynamic. IMO, you’ve just mapped out the way to true SELF-love, by describing how to make fearlessly authentic decisions (and forever scrap martyrdom!) 🙏🏼🙌🏼💖

[@deepalkilewala2754]

Beautiful way of making people understand. Really appreciate the time and efforts.

[@BethBurns68]

What a fabulous talk and at God's perfect timing. Thank you, Janine and bless you and your family.

[@lesjf8832]

"God's perfect timing". LOL. OMG, you sad little sacks.

[@ninclosernin]

Your god you worship is actually Satan, that’s the master deception….. or….. maybe don’t just take the word of fictional characters

[@1stdomco]

She said God created the earth in 7 days. It was 6 the way I remember it.

[@louisaisthankful4603]

@@1stdomco Relax. He did create the seventh day for rest.

[@ProTechSecurityInc]

He typically decided on six days but for purposes unbeknownst he changed his mind to add the seventh day for rest on this occasion.

[@gracetallar3468]

Fantastic observation! Great metaphor! I agree with Mike Qeetus, we should more often to use ctitical and independent thinking, especially at the doctor's offices. Too many people agree with an authority! I am alive because I decided how to battle the cancer my way!

[@tovahromanov7414]

Mazel Tov! Masters Nurse and I can’t tell you how many times I legally have to shut my mouth and I want to scream RUN! There ARE OTHER SOLUTIONS THAT WONT KILL YOU BEFORE CANCER DOES! I’m so very very very happy for you!♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@chinita505]

Y

[@littledancingfawn]

Tovah Romanov why won’t they tell people all the options? Smh. I believe most all doctors start out as really great people/doctors, but somewhere down the line they start caring less about people. What happened to that oath? Sheesh.

[@bonitainthekitchen6032]

Same here, the doctor put me in medicine and I asked for the minimum dose, kept going with my natural herbs and meditation, then he asked What I was doing because it was shrinking and I told the doctor I was just doing my herbal medicine and meditation and no medicine so he wasn’t shocked to know that I haven’t been taking the chemo medicine for a year but my tumor is shrinking. I am Sooo happy, the only side effects is some pain

[@tonygosbee3390]

@@bonitainthekitchen6032 God bless u. I will rather die than to take chemo. CHemo kills 96%. There is a wealth of info on Google, nowadays. Don't blindly listen to authority. Doctors can only tell u what they are taught in med. school. They will lose their licenses if they tell u otherwise even if they knew it will cure u.

[@gaillewis5472]

I keep telling my family, when they make plans that involve me without my consent, or when they use my property without permission, "...I decided that we..." "...I decided that your..." are not acceptable options.

[@asc_missions3080]

This is a lot more constructive than the 5 words most people use (or imply): "My way or you're dead."

[@glassartscollective]

WOW, this was very compelling! I really appreciated Janine's talk and I know I'll listen to it again. Thank you!

[@maarit.gneleah]

Brilliant!!! What a smart, driven, creative woman. Bravo🙏

[@motv-independentthinkingfo3817]

Janine Driver is an unstoppable force, just riveting with intensity and charisma WOW I Love Her TEDx

[@amg9163]

If this kind of great content was available 30 years ago, I am *certain* that my life would have been *so much better!!* Better late than never, but to anyone who's in their 20s and 30s, use these strategies to improve the trajectory of your life.

[@regalchic]

Thanks we will

[@robinswanson9309]

I was raised with this type of thinking. When I was young, I remember people getting frustrated with me when I didn’t take no for an answer. Someone once tried to be cleaver and asked me, “What don’t you understand about the word NO?” I thought for a second and said, “I don’t understand the ‘N’ or the ‘O’ but I can see you do!” She was speechless and never challenged me again...damn it!

[@samsara-summermooncomehome5881]

THIS IS MY BEST KETCHUP CUP STORY! I loved this! I wish I'd have heard this year's ago. Maybe my life would have been so different. This woman is my hero!🙂❣

[@Latoree33]

Wow, it's like I discovered this in my old age. Learning words that really work. I'm needing this now. What you learned as a child isn't true. Thank you, I so look forward to my next life.

[@ConsultingjoeOnline]

Next life... Don't rush things, enjoy life now. :)

[@cedricerleward]

Dee Godfrey Just about EVERYTHING you learned in your childhood was NOT true.

[@clairmeade1103]

​@@cedricerlewardoh!

[@lindalove7193]

She opened my mind to require my company that I need to be compensated fairly.

[@diyangeluk]

Golly gosh you have me crying tears of joy for you!! Thank you for making me think 'outside of the box'!

[@kaylalovestosleep]

Wow... thank you so much Janine for this talk. It literally changed the way I think about those words now and about how I'm going to respond/act to those words, and also changed the way I think about achieving my goals and getting the things that I want

[@TheRealJanineDriver]

Thank you Kayla, you go this girl! xo, Janine

[@roxanemcdaniel9797]

I loved her story. I got it right away. The ketchup cup tied right in. I learned something about negotiating and that's what I was looking to do. That's why I clicked the video. Thanks!

[@colleenanne4032]

Super helpful. Unfortunately Friday my employer said 'we have decided To let you go because the business has taken a hit financially with covid". No wiggle room there.

[@gusgrizzel8397]

That's a time to use the 3 words.

[@Mscaligyrl72]

All I can say right now is "WOW" and Thank you!!!!

[@Gamesake2]

It boils down to how badly do I want something. If I don't care that much, I'll let it go. If it's critical to my happiness or wellbeing, I keep going until I get whatever IT is.

[@riobrasilsambashowssambist1453]

Versus how much pain or suffering u might have to endure. U might want it bad enough, but not enough to endure suffering

[@SUNAEJUNG]

i freaking love her!!! she just changed my life... and that is an understatement

[@onimiste6446]

This speech is a really hard to follow organized mess, but I do not regret any second of it. There is a lot to learn from it !

[@Susan17578]

Wow, that was powerful and opened up so many avenues in my thought processes. This is practical knowledge that can be put into practice immediately.

[@tonywilfred5719]

i hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness prosperity love and peace 💞❤️🕊️🕊️ all over the world 🙏🌍 I'm originally from Ireland currently living in Key West Florida☀️☀️☀️☀️and you where are you from if i may ask?💭💭

[@sotoodeht6752]

Fascinating ... I love her talks. Amazing stage presence, great interaction with the audience to keep them engage and interested, and great pieces of information

[@candysade]

That was so moving it brought me to tears because there is something I want so bad that I was about to give up fighting for, but now I won't.

[@anandalux4774]

Amanda Sutherland Keep pushing!! Don’t give up!! 👍🏾👍🏾🙏🏾

[@empressironbladder8942]

Did you keep pushing? Don’t give up, I’m rooting for you!

[@justicebeginstoshine8069]

Thank you for this I am going to watch this several times to make sure I remember to act when I hear the words ......

[@miladorotea2338]

I’ve been very persistent in many areas in my life and I “practically” always got what I wanted “because” I negotiated till I was told yes

[@KaterinaUniversal]

Wonderful speech. It feels like she knows what she talks about! Unfortunately so many people are -caught up- in their indecisiveness and fears and make themselves stopped after a modest attempt to get something they might want... but give up too fast without even respecting their own wishes, feelings, rights. But the tricky thing about such people who do know to go ahead and advance with their wants is that they become too grounded believing we can control this life... which is so false!

[@tonywilfred5719]

i hope you're safe over there? I hope this year brings happiness prosperity love and peace 💞❤️🕊️🕊️ all over the world 🙏🌍 I'm originally from Ireland currently living in Key West Florida☀️☀️☀️☀️and you where are you from if i may ask?💭💭

[@florydory]

that was a TOUGH CROWD!!! Good talk, Janine!

[@naomiking2442]

Because I didn't have anything to do I decided to watch this video... and I loved it!

[@100vg]

Very enlightening! Thanks, Janine. I think "Driver" is an excellent last name for you!