How I came out to my family

In this video I recap how I went about telling my immediate family that I was gay. In other videos I will address how I came out to myself, my friends, my extended family, and eventually the church.
ingaymormonshoe...
NOTE: Recognize that all these videos are snapshots of my journey. They are not intended to represent someone else's. They also don't represent the totality of my own journey. I have grown and discovered a lot more about myself over the years. Take what is useful and never mind the rest.

[@Ted655687653]

Hi Jonathan, I'm so happy you didn't commit suicide and you have loving parents. I can relate to your story. No, I am not Mormon, but I did grow up in a very religious environment. I have to be honest, When you said your parents were very concerned when you told them you had considered suicide, I felt jelous. You see, I came out to my parents about 30 years ago. However, when I came out, my mom told me she wished I was dead and has used those same words a few times after that. My dad's reaction was just as bad. Therefore, I don't keep in contact with my parents at all. It's just too toxic. I gave them many years to come around. But I finally gave up on them and my patience has shifted to disgust. I'm glad your family read the book. That right there says a lot. I remember sending a book to my mother and she agreed to read it. She told me she read it, but it was obvious she did not. I again asked her if she read it and she finally admitted that she had not. I'm glad you have honest parents that will stretch their thinking enough to look at things differently and still love you. Your life is very important and I'm glad you're here to enjoy life and to help others through the experience. Thanks for the inspirational video. Ted

[@frankmarter6845]

You have had a horrible experience with your family. I wish it was unique but if isn’t. It’s too bad they wouldn’t open their minds to new info that would have freed them from their incorrect attitude regarding being gay. You have had to go it alone. That is not fun. I hope you are ok.

[@rkeller8141]

A fine and decent man communicating who he is with dignity and love. Wow, to have a son like you would be a great privilege. And, that you worked yourself through this without continuing to feed the inner disconnect demonstrates the endless possibilities of being true to yourself with courage.

[@Aleksay89]

I was left speechless the first time I saw this video. Then, I watched it again. Your story is, truly, beautiful and inspiring. Your mothers text is one of the things I was the most surprised about. I, actually, cried both of the times whilst you were reading the text message your mother had sent you. To be aware of someone with so much compassion gives hope by itself. Thank you for sharing this video. It proves a lot in terms of how good, caring, compassionate people can be.

[@nikkybryan5363]

You seem to be a good man. Please, continue being nice and keep alive yourself for all the people that care about you, including all us. It was nice to watch your video. ;-)

[@gr8god4u]

I am confident by now that you have encountered others with stories similar to yours. you are brave and a beautiful man inside and out. you are loved.

[@johnbrown3711]

This a "must watch" coming out story. Thanks for sharing!

[@edwelty]

Jonathan, you are brave. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your life is wonderful now. You are a great guy!

[@GoodLifeInSpain]

You are so intelligent and well spoken, I really think you are doing God's work right now by being of assistance to other gay Mormons and families with gay children. On top of that, you're super cute! Talk about the "total package"! Your story is extremely moving, touching, and inspirational. When you read the text response from your mother, I literally wept.

[@fatheroften3730]

So glad that your family reacted in such a loving way. Hopefully the days of family rejection from religious families will be a distant bad memory. Blessings to you.

[@djb6313]

So glad you worked through the suicidal thinking. Hope you’re now living life to the fullest and full of joy.

[@squirtad]

Thank you for sharing your coming out experience with youtube goers. Your mother's words are very touching & they brought tears to my eyes. I have 3 children & my youngest is 17 years old. I don't know if any one of my children is gay but I am going to let the children know that their parents love them very much & will accept them for who they are regardless of their sexual orientation.

[@suvariboy]

Thank you for your coming out story. I'm so glad that your family showed you love and support. I didn't have that. I was estranged from my mother for > 23 years after I came out. Luckily we were able to reconcile 2 years ago. She met my partner for the first time just after we'd celebrated our 20th anniversary. We didn't discuss the past. We built a new future. After a time she would send me texts asking how myself and my partner were doing. She died last Jan. but knew I loved her.

[@esunetdude]

What a powerful and moving video and story. Congrats to you and your courage. Sadly, your story and others from people also dealing with religion being at the core of their fears, and family rejection, has just fortified my belief that religion is really not the wonderful thing some have come to believe it is. In my travels to Thailand I met several Buddhists and Buddhist monks and was amazed at how friendly and warm their religion is. Finally, I can only hope that I meet a life partner as gentle, calm, and rounded as you seem to be.

[@Pattya610]

Thank you so much for posting this, loved hearing your thoughts!

[@freelancecrank]

You are an amazing person with wisdom and insight far beyond your years. Clarity, kindness, and empathy are among your gifts. You will soar--I'm sure of it!

[@souwestriver]

WHAT AN AMAZING FAMILY YOU MUST HAVE AND HOW YOU MUST HAVE FEARED LOSING THEIR LOVE....YOUR MOTHER HAS AN AMAZING COMPASSION....YOU WERE SO BLESSED BY THIS COMING OUT EXPERIENCE!!!!

[@Seatown]

What a great story. You have some wonderful parents. I am sure there are going to be many more chances to educate and help those around you but it looks like you are focused on the important things. I came out so long ago now and live in such an accepting enviornment that we never think too much anymore what young people are still faced with. I am amazed by your courage.

[@jamesgavigan4179]

You are an amazing human being. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts with us. I hope that you will continue to share your thoughts. God bless you

[@1000siam]

your story will be of great benefit to others and you will be blessed for sharing your personal story. Be happy in your present journey.

[@thatoneshyguy20]

Good video, I have came out to 3 of my 5 main family members. My mother does struggle with the thought I'm gay but it seems she is getting better at the process of fully excepting it. My two eldest sisters still don't know and I'm sort of afraid to tell them since they will probably have a worse reactions from the rest of my family. Keep up the good vids.

[@NEWJerz4LIFE]

Your mother is a genuinely good person. This video is so inspirational to us gays that are dealing with a highly religious family

[@MrWatcher63]

Your Mother is a wonderful person, her text message to you gave me a lump in my throat!

[@nafslee]

I like the way you considered your family's reaction and decided how you would tell them based on that. It is a very confronting issue and for the unsuspecting, close-minded individual wont be taken lightly. So good choice for you but won't work for everyone. Its great your family is very accepting and I wish you all the best in your future relationships. You seem like a good guy. Not sexually charged like most gay guys. Thank you for your inspiration and for taking the time to tell your story!

[@eddiegardner8232]

To think that a handsome young man like you would be driven to suicide by church dogma makes me very sad. I can see in your other video that you eventually resolved this problem by eliminating the Mormon church from your life. I am very happy to see that you made that choice to live as a free man who happened to be born gay. I hope you have been able to find happiness and someone to share your life with you. Everyone deserves that.

[@IdBertParks]

So proud of you.

[@kentfountain8847]

Just be proud of who you are and just love yourself. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

[@Ubytsa89]

So nice ^^ I was really afraid of telling people I'm gay, and actually I never told 'em, wasn't that brave to face my own fears, but now they know and things are great. I love your vids. Thanks a lot for 'em

[@MrJason300]

Thank you for sharing your story :)

[@benw9949]

I never felt I could talk with my parents about being gay. I didn't come out until after they were gone. How I wish somehow friends and family could have gotten through to me sooner to support me and let me see I could be OK coming out sooner. I wish if my parents knew I was gay that they could have let me know in some way I could have understood, if they were OK with me. Or if not, so that I could have moved on and gotten support from others. I think they must have known at some point and chose not to see t, not to deal with it, not to accept it or me as gay. So from sometime in my teens, and certainly during college, I felt there was a distance between us, that maybe they did not truly love and accept me, if they had known I was gay. In college, when I finally had to admit to myrtle I really was gay and that wasn't going to change, I had real trouble accepting it and spiraled into depression so bad that I ended up losing a good scholarship and having to leave because my GPA sank too low. I later went to a community college and got an associate's degree that didn't mean much, but I did so with honors. The struggle inside, the confusion and loneliness, I wish no one ever would have to endure. I wish I knew if my family would have accepted me. But I think I'm not unusual in my generation, in what we went through as teens and younger adults in discovering we were gay and coming out (or those who did not come out, still closeted.) I wish so muchch that religious people or anyone would not reject their gay relatives and friends on the basis of being gay, not straight. They do not understand the heartbreak they cause by not accepting gay people, by ignoring them or rejecting them or hating them. All those little remarks and jokes, all the outright bullying that gay youth and adults alike get, is so purposeless, so needless. It still obviously bothers me. I thought I'd made progress, but hearing this coming out story just made me think how my own path was, and wishing it had been better. To all those kids, teens, adults out there struggling with it, please know you matter. You can get through it. Yes, I still struggle with the effects of being in the closet too long. So much to unlearn and relearn, so much that should have been better. But please know that you matter and there are people out there who need you, now and in the future, to help them get through life too, and to help you get through it. I still deal with that, so I do get it. But many people break free of their previous life and live better, happier, fuller lives, and find the friends and loves they need, and sometimes new family. Do not give up. You are needed. Someone out there would miss you. There are friends I miss, because they are no longer here, because I've been around long enough, that just happens, and you have to deal iwht it. So cherish your friends and find the people to support and love you and you love them. If you are not straight, then accept that in yourself, no matter who else knows or accepts you. Once you have that, you can go forward.

[@GayMormonGuy]

Hi Ben. You touch on something pretty important concerning the implications of actually being seen by other people. If we feel compelled to hide parts of ourselves from other people, it puts distance between us. It limits the depth of our relationships with one another. In general, most of us hide aspects of ourselves that we feel ashamed of or have been made to feel don't fit with accepted "norms." Ironically, we do this in order to "fit in" so that we can participate with others. But the consequence is often the opposite effect. We feel isolated, alien, alone, unseen. The person who is welcome to participate isn't the person we really feel ourselves to be. Sexuality is a core piece of our humanity. So when we try and suppress or hide this aspect of our being, it has much greater implication in our life than other things we might suppress (for example, a habit of biting our nails or chewing our food loudly). I'm sorry you didn't have the opportunity to get your parents a chance to consider your truth. Thanks for the support and encouragement you offer those who are processing their sexuality today.

[@cyes5031700]

I feel glad that you have such accepting parents who can shorten your process of struggling after you come out. I'm a gay teen in Asia, and while there isn't a specific religion that tells gays off, the traditional values deeply rooted in the society appear to be a even bigger problem. Someday I really hope I can come out without being afraid, yet the waiting can be so depressing.

[@daddybear1965]

you were strong, stay strong. and your loved by many! god didnt make a mistake. people have closed minds. i'm very happy that your parents accepted you! my parents didnt. i was raised by my grandparents. and, you are a very cute guy! i would love to have you as my BF. hugs! Jeff

[@paysonbiker]

What a GREAT post! I LOVE your mom's response; that's the way I hope it goes for everyone, though I know full well that it doesn't. I run a support group at UVU. I wonder if you could talk a little more about what feelings, specifically, made you consider suicide. If that's too painful for you, I totally understand. I just think you are so great and such an inspiration that you could affect some really positive change in attitudes and understanding, especially in this subculture.

[@robertbarnier45]

Beautifully said. A good story. Best of luck 😊

[@ted1091]

How incredibly troubling that this beautiful young Gay man actually considered taking his life. Completely unacceptable. One thing I notice over and over again is that young Gay\Lesbian people - children - are more concerned with their parents than with their own well being. Children shouldn't feel responsible for their parents at this age. Very touching, but you have to put your own emotional well-being first. Thank you for sharing this.

[@WCaron23001]

Handsome kid with a great future

[@GayMormonGuy]

@LiyLow Aww, thanks. She is an amazing lady for sure. I love her to pieces :)

[@firsteducate]

Thank you for posting this. Ignore the ignorant comments.

[@GayMormonGuy]

@kimmois1 Unfortunately, this seems to happen a lot. Mormon parents are not equipped to handle a situation like this. Sometimes it is much easier for them to ignore or refuse to deal with it. Others simply make a decision between their church and their child. Others try their best to reconcile both aspects of their life.

[@oakpkdude]

To any gay guy who is considering suicide as an option please come visit "Wilton Manors" Florida for a week or two. We are a small town just north of Ft. lauderdale that is about 40% gay. Here straight and gay people all get along and many gay couples own houses or condos here. Even going to the grocery store with your partner here is a totally different experience here. It's so nice to live somewhere where you don't have to feel like an outcast.

[@GrimbleBrad]

I'm in the same position. I wish you the best of luck...from Zimbabwe, Africa

[@christiangchrisg3302]

Hello Jonathan., I just seen your coming out experience,fact is you made it....9 years ago, and last one was a year ago, 1st , I really really hope you’re still with us on earth, I would love to hear about you, how or where you are In your life , how’s the black clouds get out of you. I would really like if you can answer me back or making a video like since coming out , what’s new in your life. I had the same thoughts about taking my life, many times like driving so fast to crashes my car... your message helps me , please if you read this , let’s hear from you , thx

[@GayMormonGuy]

Hi Christian. It has been a long time since I've made a video, but I am doing very well. I've made a very good life for myself. All of my experiences have set the stage for me to become the human I am today, even the difficult ones. I'm very grateful for my own journey and am optimistic about the road ahead. Hang in there.

[@cyes5031700]

I know the traditional values can be quite strong in Africa... Best luck to you too.

[@frankmarter6845]

A religion that hems you in so tightly that you are afraid and are contemplating suicide is not a religion. It is a trap. The depression is a result of your churches dogma on gay people. You are just fine!! There is nothing wrong with you. Being gay is no more important than the color of your hair. You were born the way you are. It was not a choice. The only reason people think it’s a choice is because of bisexuals. They change their sexual preferences but not by choice. It just happens. Gay people don’t change. If the want a person of the same sex it’s that way for life. Your path has been a rocky one mainly because of your religion. Your religion is evolving but not fast enough to help you. It will be decades before they will approve gay marriage. You are attractive and appeal to many. Your mothers response was wonderful. She understood your situation and wasn’t looking to blame anyone. That’s the problem with many is they think there has to be someone to blame. There isn’t. No one had anything to do with your being gay. Being gay should not be a problem. People and religion make it a problem. They will eventually evolve but it will be many decades before they do. Please don’t suffer because of your being gay. There is no reason to. You are now free of your own choosing.

[@barakhammond3058]

you are beautiful, and have a b eautiful story about your life, thanks b. j.

[@spectaclereplication]

you have great strength

[@GrimbleBrad]

I'm actually a Irish white dude :D but yes, they are, locally speaking. It's actually illegal to be gay here. I know right?

[@jaydawg34]

Fantastic video!!!

[@swellsqnamuni3457]

YOUR TOO CUTE TO BE GAY :) lol. im a mormon but i hope everything is alright. god works in mysterious ways & everything will fall into places

[@glenm5034]

How can your blog be viewed? You are an honest man confronting a very difficult situation.

[@GayMormonGuy]

Hi there. I started my blog when I was first coming out. I wrote for the years that I was working through all of the issues I was confronting and as I was processing my new normal. You can read at ingaymormonshoes.blogspot.com/ I stopped blogging on those topics when I decided to leave religion. It felt weird to continue blogging under that title when Mormonism was no longer an active part of my life. I will be starting up again soon on another blog.

[@glenm5034]

Thanks for the quick response. Thanks to God your parents were not banishing you.

[@youwho02]

Are you still an depression medication after coming out? Are you more at ease now?

[@Raphaelus13]

If just you and your family hadn't ever been religious, you wouldn't have been through that hell. How counter-intuitive for the religious mind.

[@dboyfff]

Some folks buy food daily and buy it fresh...and don't even keep food in their refrigerators and always look for seals...in all their containers and want everything individually wrapped. Tampering happens frecuently....especially in apartment living...hence why people buy homes etc...competition in the market is not fair.

[@dboyfff]

So we always say, prepare your own foods...inspite or whom or what you are or are not....

[@JeffersonDinedAlone]

Go back in.

[@dboyfff]

In psychiatry I think folks think that when you have problems or insecurities that you don't deal with they can like accounting transpose themselves....or be projected elsewhere...that would include not getting enough sleep.... So the issue was perhaps not being gay but perhaps...someone droped a pill at work repeatedly that throws your brain off...that's done frecuently in the caribean and in particular medical schools...and students become disoriented...chicago too.

[@RamenThief69]

I don't get it :| Over 1500 species exhibit homosexuality. Only 1 species discriminate homosexuals.

[@munarensmith2392]

was he??

[@munarensmith2392]

I did read my ex-roommate's but not too deep , So tell me where in gospels tell you Jesus was a bi. If only you don't mind

[@munarensmith2392]

Not a believer, somehow I believe he was straight.

[@TheShernavaz]

Think about study and get rid of sex.

[@TheShernavaz]

Not a right place to put that thing.