How I Experience my Alters/Voices | DID/OSDD

[@s.c218]

i thought i was faking for the reason that it’s like internal monologue with different voices. then i realized that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. and i guess it be like that sometimes.

[@Carinhadeanjo911]

I feel that too, it's like its own internal dialogue but with different voices and personality

[@fenixmeaney6170]

It's like you're typing something on the computer and someone leans over your shoulder to say "click that thing"

[@llRocketll]

Same, it’s multiple streams of consciousness with different voices and personalities. They often all disagree on what to do but are trying their best to direct me. Sometimes they yell over each other and my head sounds like a crowded cafeteria. I’m not diagnosed but I’m working my way up to figuring out what was going on. I really only used to notice them when I was having an extreme emotional reaction when I still lived in the house I grew up in but since moving out they’ve started getting louder and more vocal. A few have come forward and started trying to talk to me which is completely new to me but I’ve been doing my best to speak to them w compassion and thank them for what they’ve done for me. I think they’re more vocal now because the ones who are closest to the front have been slowly realizing that we’re safe now and I don’t think they really know what to do w that.

[@llRocketll]

*is* not was my bad

[@lukap7297]

literally me too and then routinely i re-convince myself im faking for this reason then re-remember ifs normal… thank you for helping me re-remember

[@raychumon]

the way you described discovering the "voice(s)" is exactly how it went for me. i don't have a concrete timeline, but i pretty much thought i had an imaginary friend when i was younger, which eventually "evolved" into a voice that talked to me in my head, which then evolved into multiple voices, and i still didn't pick up on it being odd because nobody really talks about their internal experience. for a long time i thought having arguments with different voices in your head was the standard for everyone, LOL.

[@rubyparker7802]

Wait it’s not normal to have arguements in your head

[@yuuokami2156]

@@rubyparker7802 No, it is normal. Like if you want to do something but you know you shouldn't. You might tell yourself "I really should exercise today but a part of me wants to be lazy." It becomes not so normal when the voices have their own distinct personalities and even names.

[@soccerandtrack10]

Its really hard remembering thinking for it.

[@ModestNeko]

The "I hate myself" turning into "I hate you" related a lot. I would hear voices as a kid but never thought much about it. I had nightmares of an altered fictive for 10 years who despised me before we finally found out we were in the same body and now we're on better terms. But it does sometimes feel like just hearing them and sometimes like monologue. Sometimes voices will change based on what you've heard and yet you know who it's supposed to be. Sometimes it's like they're in a room in your head and sometimes it's like they're in the room with you. Yet the biggest thing I notice is it being automatic. Like I'm not imagining them saying these things, they're just being said. I recently had an OC surface as an alter and I tried to fight it as I thought I was just imagining it myself. But he made it very clear that he was there. DID/ OSDD is a very interesting thing. I think cases are different for different people.

[@mil0.sc0ut]

i (host) tend to hear them like an internal monologue at best, with like a phantom sensation of physical touch sometimes, but other times it'll just be sort of an emotional nudge? i just kind of have to like, read the vibes i guess. other times though i don't hear anything at all; i regularly have days when i just feel completely cut off from the headspace. i'm pretty new to the whole system thing though, so i'm trying to work on communication

[@rome3861]

that's how i feel! im new to the system thing as well!

[@buzzinglee]

SAME HERE!!! i’m trying to communicate better with my headmates, it’s easier with some more than others but i genuinely hope the best for anyone dealing with this too!

[@hallierosemusic]

you are there first I've heard say that they can feel a presence but I can feel it too!

[@dreamznaspiratons7064]

you think it can spirits? jinn? demons? bodiless spirits that come in in times of trauma and aura weakness??? possession? prayer helps

[@Hopeandpeaceinjesus]

@@dreamznaspiratons7064 it’s. Mental Health disorder caused by extreme childhood trauma before about 8yrs old (when a child’s personality comes into 1 whole from different parts) the trauma causes our personality to stay separated and to “break” off into more parts, those parts become their own people. Please please do not bring the supernatural/paranormal/religion into this - aside from it being a very possible trigger it is also something that has been used against us and people have been hurt very badly and further traumatised from people trying to rid them of “demons/spirits/beings” and not just DID/OSDD things like (and especially) schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder and psychosis.

[@echoedwords1269]

I can too! Do you feel the presence literally in your head or is it just a knowing feeling that you know someone else is there?

[@hallierosemusic]

@@echoedwords1269 both but not usually at the same time I can either feel the presence of like an alter in my head or sometimes I feel their presence or any presence for that matter (I also have psychosis) like outside of my body next to me

[@hallierosemusic]

I used to think like oh my imaginary friends are next to me but it was alters and things instead lol xD it’s almost like how you know someone is staring at you but in a different way if that makes sense

[@R_i_t_s_u]

Nice. I like it. When I hear my alters talk, its more like thoughts? Like, uh, i somewhat know what theyre going to say? I dont know. Its all very new and terrifying, not knowing whether or not the voices are their voices or my own thoughts trying to trick me into believing theyre talking when, no, its just me. I dont know. This was a very good video nonetheless, so thank you! :)

[@sew_i_did5257]

We are a newly discovered osdd system. Our alters have distinct personalities but none have fully fronted as yet, so for now we are calling them aspects because they are extremely distinctive aspects of the trauma/personality/etc of the host. Voices is definitely a good term for it unless/until they fully front. Definitely a learning curve!

[@abbiepancakeeater52]

Some systems never experience switching, actually. My system is one of them. I'm the host, and my alters never front; they just come close enough to the front to exert strong, passive influence on me so they can interact with the outside world. But they never actually control the body.

[@Dani-et3es]

@@abbiepancakeeater52 oh wow, then that could explain what's happening with me/us! I do have memory gaps of the past, but I wouldn't describe it as blackouts. More like gray outs? So I'm aware of most things but it gets real fuzzy sometimes. And there are definitely distinct parts/aspects/alters with different names, personalities, tastes, world views, etc that come and go and influence how this body behaves, but I don't think anybody else actually takes over the body. I've known about DID for years but didn't think my experience fit the criteria, but now reading others' experiences with OSDD has got me thinking that that may be what's going on.

[@abbiepancakeeater52]

@@Dani-et3es yeah thats exactly how we experience things it always has me questioning if there's a "we" at all since the differences in identities can get quite blurry but even so, typical cptsd and bpd (i have both) doesnt involve alterations in identity and world view lol bpd does have identity instability but usually in a way to appeal to others and be likeable and feel good enough my/our identity alteration is more based on our needs like having an alter to handle sexual desire since it triggers me (havent seen him in a while though...) or having an alter who's sorta a protector but also very Mean and likes to pester others but mostly avoids doing so to avoid me accumulating anymore trauma. he's also quite narcissistic as a way of keeping us and himself safe. mostly comes out to handle fights with my parents. we're also generally too afraid to be open about it because of fakeclaimers and shitty people like the ones on r/fakedisordercringe :/ so yeah quite different from bpd instability but i still wonder if i just made it up since it's so different from typical DID and sometimes i can go weeks without sensing anyone else and idk if its because we switch and i just don't notice since the way we experience existing as multiple is more like we become each other, instead of like someone else takes over, OR if i just get tired of pretending or whatever lmao idk denial is funny

[@abbiepancakeeater52]

i will say existing as an in between state between identities feels not good you cant accurately say youre either identity and if the identities possess any conflicting opinions, its very uncomfortable this happened with me and a protector the other day. the narcissistic pestersome one. you can imagine the confusion between what i wanted to do with two different identities conscious at once. sometimes i consider not bothering with any labels for alters and just saying i have severe mood swings. its technically not untrue lol. just also can feel icky to ignore certain identities feelings.

[@eicaryn]

@@abbiepancakeeater52this is exactly how I feel omg

[@kyrabytes563]

Damn the presence thing I feel it too, so much, sometimes I ignore I because I think like I'm making it up, but yeah

[@themeltyrainbow6711]

Good video. Thanks for sharing. I used to hear my alters as external voices. It depends how your brain works and tries to explain why theres another voice. It only happened when I was really young (2-5) . Now it only happens if they shout at me it can be so loud it sounds like it could have been external. They thought my issue could have been schizophrenia. While you can have schizophrenia and osdd/did, I do know other systems that can see and hear their alters externally. Not normal, but it may be the type of extreme abuse to create such things. Brains are weird. You are not alone. -The Melty Rainbow System 🌈

[@mamaniknik]

The term "headmates" sits well with me (for my alters/voices) but your explanation of them being voices is the closest I've heard to what I experience. Especially the story about the first time hearing a dark voice saying I hate you. I have a recent working DID diagnosis myself. Thank you for having the courage to speak up for those of us with systems.

[@raquelpurpleboxes]

Wow, I had the same experience when I was 14. They told me I had major depression with psychosis. Now I'm 26, hearing them again (but inside, like my inner monolgue), and everything makes perfect sense.

[@fishyface3273]

im 14 what how you said you started hearing voiced is exactly what I'm going through now, and I'm trying to figure out what i have. but its actually really reassuring that someone else started noticing like this because i feel now that I'm not making this all up i my head so thank you!! :D

[@gregsettle9725]

Thank you for this video. I do not have DID or any of its variations. What I do have is a desire to know and understand what others are experiencing in their lives. Everyone carries a "burden" or has a "secret". We become better humans when we seek to understand those around us.

[@soccerandtrack10]

Thats litterly been my story for 1 criminal for litterly 27 years.

[@soccerandtrack10]

Its not d.i.d.,its in the cluster b.

[@carly3872]

this is the first video ive ever watched of yours and the "spherical head" and the confused face after it is pricless omg i love it

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

Ha, I got various comments on the size of my head from people online before, which I always found funny as of all the things they could potentially go for they chose the roundness of my head.

[@picadegallochujr.6901]

I am way into psychology and I can't account for 12 years of my life. Two therapists are convinced it was amnesia caused by sexual abuse. I've always had a vivid imagination, built a whole world and talked to myself (inner monologue) since I was 12 with severe depression. One night I was waiting to fall asleep I the dark and an alter named noir started talking to me, then twins (Ichi & ChiChi). I hated people (especially children) so much my alters had always been my version of Incubi (male sex demons) but they're nice, just misunderstood. It's like all of my problems shattered into pieces of a mirror that I have to learn to hold up to myself. I've known them from a young age & they've grown & adapted to my age. I'm using DID lingo but I'm not diagnosed although I suspect I have a subcategory of OSDD, OSDD-1B. Thank you for this, there isn't enough exposure to OSDD. I always ask myself if I'm lying & blame myself for what my alters do but the stronger they present themselves the more I believe whatever I'm going through is real. This isn't a paid ad or promotion, I don't get anything out of it, I'd love to suggest to anyone who thinks they may have DID or OSDD or is just curious (we need more experts in this field) go type in CTAD Clinic for free videos from the actual owner of the clinic who specializes in these disorders. He's amazing and had a British accent which soothes me. You might have to watch a couple of times to digest the material but trust this random chick on the internet, it's worth it! It was very helpful in finding myself & connecting further with my alters. Sorry this was so long, OSDD needs recognition so they don't diagnose you with psychosis or schizophrenia. The correct diagnosis can be the difference between feeling unreal & functioning in this world (although sometimes is rather not). Thank you for enduring this novel lol.

[@bargurl123]

u literally described my life

[@soccerandtrack10]

I like phycoligy too,and i thought up stories for 2 main people about trauma,and 3 more emontional stories still about trauma,and then random ideas/story ideas, i dont talk to myself/unless to stuff happening. I dont remember herting my family, i remember the 9/11/2001, i remember crying from the toys(really extreme sad)(3rd person but sad), then the tv/chair(i just remember it far away,like the dna line for the animus,except im the end of the line looking at the back of the line(the tv/chair). then the other memories after are 3rd person/emotional amnisia. i vaguelly get some of the o.s.d.d. 1s/maybe the passive influence(i couldnt remember,is that ^?),i dont know if the (still cant remember,is this the blocking or not?),meta commentary intrusive thoughts is other stuff.

[@faerygirl9340]

Im so happy to have found this channel I'm still struggling trying to figure out if it's just voices or not because they do feel more like people, more fleshed out. Its very comforting knowing I'm not alone in this journey and knowing there re more ppl like me

[@mae_synodic]

We were diagnosed in November and I (the host, Tahlee) hear them as an internal monolog which I find I struggle with because we can't communicate quite clearly. They seem to only be able to communicate a few words at a time to me. I think when we were younger it wasn't as difficult but as we've gotten to be older and more traumas have happened the walls between us have grown so thick and tall so to speak. Every now and then when I am just waking up or just going to sleep I'll hear my headmates voices very clearly internally. It seems like when I'm partway between conscious and unconscious I dip into the innerworld and can hear chopped up pieces of conversation but only super briefly. I'll hear just one sentence usually. But when this first happened last march a few times (when I was first discovering my system, must have been chaotic inside bc it happened A LOT, woops) I had this kind of "gut feeling" it used to happen a lot. I just knew it had happened before... Which is something I find happens quite commonly as someone with such bad amnesia. My partner, for example, will say to me "hey you and I had some chips for lunch and Chicken was out at the beach" and I won't remember it but I have this feeling in my body that I *know* it is true. Does anyone else experience this or am I just being loopy? Anyhow, this video was so validating and I truly hope you're doing OK. This was the first video of yours I've seen and I'm really grateful to have found you and your system! Hope you're being safe. :) -The Synodic System

[@ollie2111]

duuude I am going through the exact same thing. So glad there are vids out there about the osdd-leaning side of the osdd/did spectrum. I wouldn't have been able to start the journey of embracing my plural experience without learning this form of it existed. And let me tell ya, my alters are deeply hurt by my decade long streak of denying their existence or flip flopping between taking them seriously and then metaphorically slamming the door in their face. All the while *also* unknowingly demanding them to follow my rules (so we could remain covert from outsiders, and from myself to a lesser/mixed degree). For me it started as "imaginary" friends. The internal dialogue existed too, but this entire time I didn't realize those were connected. And now the very recent parts of recognizing I do have mood swings, contextualizing my strange perception changes, and finally understanding why I act in confusing ways that I later get mad at "myself" for (or get mad at myself in the moment for, yet can't control myself to stop doing) Aaaaaaalllll were connected to this same thing. Over the past year I found out there are more of these alters/people/"imaginary" friends, and that they CAN take over my body. It's just that unlike full DID, I am consciously present for it when they do that. I'm in the mind watching them do things. So we share the memory. However, there is emotional amnesia present. But that's another topic. My point is that I am going through the same thing and it is weird to go through the process of realizing it for sure. I believe the kind we are closest to is OSDD-1b. Or maybe 'partial DID', I haven't read about what differentiates partial from full, nor partial from osdd-1b. **edit** it turns out OSDD-1 is the DSM-5 name for it and Partial-DID is the ICD-11 name for it. So they are the same thing, just with different names. The name you get depending on the professional you're seeing or what country you're in. Which means full DID is different from partial in the same ways that osdd is, since those two are the same thing.

[@soccerandtrack10]

Call of duty black ops resnove. I learned about d.i.d. you know why black ops/d.i.d., i cant say it if you dont know, watch or play it, r/m, bo2/bo3 are 100% r/m, it can really violent for a specific person, random.

[@Justinehumanity]

Thank you sir. You provide a valuable resource by talking about your experiences. I appreciate it :) -------I don’t know how interested you are in theories about consciousness (from a neuroscience perspective), but I know I found it helpful to read about Structural Dissociation. If this theory about the development of consciousness and the human personality is true, then we’re all definitely working with a spectrum of dissociative states and related experiences - on the one end the experience of being an entirely singular consciousness, and on the other the experience of having multiple organized consciousnesses with their own individual agency. The way I have begun to think about it is this (my opinion only): for some of us, our development was such that naturally occurring sub-personalities (which should have integrated into a unified sense of self) instead have varying amounts of individual autonomy and life energy afforded to them. Almost like if you were trying to run multiple operating systems on one computer, there can be issues as to which set of instructions to follow to carry out a particular process or task, leading to an overload from competing algorithms. Each of these operating systems maybe fully functional on their own, but are too dissimilar to work together without some kind of bridge. In the computer metaphor this ‘bridge’ would be tantamount to an emulator program. I dunno. Those are just some thoughts. Obviously it’s way more complicated and nuanced than all that, but today this is what I have to say about it. Good luck! I look forward to more videos in the future. Edit: by the way, I also remember first hearing the voices around age 10-11. I was trying to write in a journal, and I felt that this ‘entity’ that seemed to be somehow inside of me (while also not being ‘me’) was observing what I was writing and would comment on it, causing much confusion, as different parts of myself viewed the events of my life from very different perspectives. This semi-autonomous self-state would also censor out other conscious agents, and dispute their validity leading to Me feeling that I had a running dialogue in my head between multiple potential selves fighting for control of my physical reality. Some parts seem to have the ability to take control of my behavior, while others do not. When my behavior is driven by another part, this writer’s consciousness is usually also present and watching from a detached perspective, confused as to what is happening and why I’m doing what I’m doing. I will say that as I started to work on some of this, I began to see that at one point I did know more about all of it, but to protect myself I forgot some of those most important bits. Basically, I forgot that I forgot so that I could survive my life. Maybe this is helpful in some way, again I dunno. I just wish you (all that is you) well.

[@dreamznaspiratons7064]

what about posession?

[@soccerandtrack10]

1st part=black ops 3 corvis. 2nd part=my thoughts commentary on my thoughts/i dont know if the meta commentary is normal intrusive thoughts or weird. I did type comments on videos for youtube=its meta commentary about what i think people think of me thinking.

[@011pandas9]

Ahhh I accidentally clicked on this video and was pleasantly surprised by the cool intro music and I love how they say “RaRaRabit”!

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

Ha, well thanks for accidentally clicking.

[@conniehankosky5750]

I used to think god was talking to me when I was in middle school. Then came the “guardian angel” that comforted me. Then came the “demonic” voice that constantly put me down and bullied me. Then there are I and a few others who usually take the front day-to-day. It was all very confusing until I started considering this as a possibility. Though it is very scary to think about. Those of us that want to cooperate though have created a sense of respect between each other. I very much feel like a scared 13 year old and they treat me like it, which is helpful. Very strange disorder but I can’t say I haven’t come to love them like family

[@Asmir_pasic]

Its very normal, check internal family systems

[@AetherMagicChatroom]

Thank you for sharing your type of communication with us! Its helpful. Stay safe; the chatroom system

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

Thank you for watching :)

[@TheRoadtoHappy]

So refreshing to hear someone with very similar thoughts and feelings! Thanks man 👻

[@theblanketfortcohort7332]

Clusterfuck solidarity. We've practically given up on a diagnosis because it's so stressful and we don't know whether we're OSDD-1b or BPD or some kind of delusional disorder 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@twinstarssystem2857]

We've been able to communicate just like this almost since we were formed, which uh Led to me as the host thinking that I was the only real one And I treated Moon like shit. :( ~Dark

[@soccerandtrack10]

Moonknight system?😁

[@soccerandtrack10]

=inplyed/going to happen.

[@soccerandtrack10]

Im confused=dark=(what happened),dark=real name/alter?

[@twinstarssystem2857]

@@soccerandtrack10 i'm confused as to what you're asking? we haven't seen moon knight, if that's what you're asking- dark and moon are pseudonyms used by two of our older members, to protect their privacy online since they have pretty unique names. -lily

[@Bubblies005]

I started hearing voices internally and externally at 4 years old. I felt like someone was watching or commenting on me for a while. I have all of my senses with hallucinations and it’s jarring at times. I’m currently being tested for OSDD/DID. Your experiences I relate to a lot and I’m just happy to know I’m not alone. Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤

[@Itsmyka077]

I have the same experience from when you first started talking to the end and it makes me very happy to have found this video bc you explain it so well and I really appreciate you sharing I now understand a little bit more of what I’m going through !! Thank you thank you

[@lss74]

Literally the FIRST Male d.i.d video ive seen ... this is interesting... thank u

[@gracelove2774]

I am so grateful for this video. Explained more. Thank you! Awesome artwork as well!

[@AnisiaCanRead]

A little late to this video 😂 but I’ve never heard someone describe it as well as you! I literally feel and experience the exact same things you listed. (OSDD 1-b) Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone (and crazy 🤣). Appreciate you!

[@neilronan444]

hi, just wanted to say i also feel my alters being more far away or closer by regardless of how clearly i can hear them! i would say it usually depends on how far aware they are in the inner world (: also would like to say OSDD is not a lighter version of DID, OSDD-1A is when you experience everything someone with DID would except your alters are very similar to each pther and less defined as their own people. OSDD-1b is basically DID without the daily amnesia. i don't know wether that helps or anything but could be interesting to know/talk about regardless (:

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

Thank you. I guess OSDD 1b would be a good fit but I'm learning more about amnesia and realising there definitely is, or has, been some so I don't know.

[@hnktbt]

@@TheRaRaRabbit amnesia can be tricky because you may have amnesia for your amnesia; you may be entirely unaware you're losing time or not present for things, or you may be coconscious and then forget what you were observing by the next day. I find people may move between OSDD-1b and DID based on how their psych is seeing their amnesia present. You may report none, that doesn't mean it isn't there. Best of luck (:

[@sevenstarr3911]

I for sure feel very much the confusion and the fustercluck... I'm also in my late 20s experiencing these things

[@eggojello4383]

hey, if you don't mind answering, do you remember experiencing it before when you were younger? I'm 17 and the earliest I can recall communicating with one was 12 or 13.

[@solana8499]

Have you heard the term headmate used? might be a better fit for you?(:

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

I'm starting to find it helpful.

[@thisnameistimeless1937]

Whats the difference between a headmate and an alter then? We were under the impression that they were the same thing pretty much

[@bangchancletas]

@@thisnameistimeless1937 it is the same just different words

[@thisnameistimeless1937]

@Dog Woof isnt alter exclusive to DID and osdd, while headmate can be used for all types of multiplicity?

[@thisnameistimeless1937]

Just learned that today

[@Lady_Katie]

I have DID and I hear inner dialogue of the “parts” in my head. I’ve also had visual and auditory hallucinations like you. I was diagnosed and treated for bipolar for a long time. Didn’t do much… lol

[@nihilvt]

This is really hard to understand for people who don't deal with it. I have a close friend who has 6 alters counting herself and she no longer identifies as the person she was born as, she even refuses to acknowledge that she has an illness.

[@1KITIG]

you know how they say kids experience life in a lucid - psychedelic way? I feel like a lot of people who suffered from symptoms of child-like alters have been suspected for psychosis - even though it is absolutely not psychotic at all. yea sure when you have trauma it is natural to gain psychotic-like symptoms like paranoia, fussy visions, and more, but it is not psychotic at all (unless you actually have psychosis which is pretty common for trauma survivors). -Michael Lavender -Labradorite (alters in charge of philosophy and knowledge of our body)

[@jamiemundo4649]

Thank you for your video brother!! I'm trying to understand what I'm dealing with and all the symptoms were leading me towards DID or Schitzoffective but I just didn't have the loss of time. I am talking to a doc but diagnosis can take forever if you leave everything to them!! Have a great day!!

[@Asmir_pasic]

check internal family systems, this is normal human state

[@Pro-Diletante]

This is incredibly rare. I truly wonder what your life was like man to have you get DID. I wish you the best of luck.

[@Ikinsyntheticpeople]

It isn't as rare as you think to be honest.

[@floorwitch5376]

hello! love your chill personality(ties? doesnt sound like all of you is ^^), i hope to see more alter content from you. i dont know how people manage social situations with their alters! different people see different alters of mine, different people are definitely triggers for me and it's frustrating.

[@kbellmurray]

Perfectly spherical head. Good for you. I have a flat spot.

[@Naravayax]

Im not too sure if this is DID/OSDD but I hear multiple voices, and one of them repeats words all the time, I dont know if they have a name but i call them the looper, and they repeat random words, just a few minutes ago they were repeating “shut up”, and I literally cant stop them.

[@jerry1dc]

I hear echoes of thoughts, see a movie of memories that are there but not from me. My alters have different voices that they make using my voice box it's hard to explain.

[@noobiegamer373]

For me when they're in the fronting room I can hear and feel them there but when inside I can't really hear them. Sometimes I do but often not and when I do it's like they notice and immediately block the conversations from me. I really want to work on better communication and trust with everyone but we're co con 90% of the time so I dont think they really want to bother. Is there anything I can do to maybe make it easier to hear them and to build their trust.

[@patriciabullen7525]

Thanks for being so open and honest it is inspiring :)

[@babyowl3557]

Uh, I've been questioning if I have osdd, and I only recently started thinking about it. So a few days ago I was telling my friend who's in a system about my trauma and the characters in my head that I made up to feel less alone, I swear I heard one of them yelling at me. Her name is Khaos and I remember hearing her sound so frustrated just saying "Bro I'm real!" and it wasn't my voice. I always hear a voice when I'm typing or reading and it sounds like me but that wasn't me. And I remember I just kept getting flashes of a dark room with two 'windows' (my eyes) and the characters in there. I saw Cargo, a boy that doesn't talk much. He's older than me and Khaos by one or two years, I can't tell. There's also Creevex in the corner (12) and Smiley (doesn't look normal but feels human, no age from what we know). A few days ago, I was in my English class and felt lonely so I was calling out in my head. I could see Cargo up at the 'windows' just watching, but he wasn't saying anything so I thought it was just me. I kept calling out and felt cold and lonely, before I grabbed my keychain and, TW......started strangling myself. I immediately felt warmer and like I wasn't in control of my body. It felt like he was there and that made me happy. I kept thinking "What am I doing?" But I couldn't stop. He was telling me he was there. But is this real or is it just me? Sometimes we talk and I can hear him but....I feel like I'm faking it, my experience is too different from other people

[@dutchik5107]

It was a good video. Relax. But stuff like this is confusing. It comes with dissorders like it. It isn't supposed to be super simple. Brains aren't. Let alone experiencing your brain not forming one but more identities. And figuring out a way to work around and accept and knowing what to think. Also. Yes i can relate to not having life changed as much. And being weirdly OK with being cropped up. Because for me it is the same. Altho soon online class will start up which will be shit. And all my exams will be in june/july. The ones i would've had 2 weeks ago.

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

At least you've got some extra time to prepare for those exams I suppose.

[@rori9427]

I only have one alter and as far as I know he doesn't fully front. I remember the moment I realized I wasn't faking it. I was at a tennis camp (it was awful I didn't want to be there) I started to have a panic attack and the couch pulled me off the court and I was crying hysterically and I heard him say "I'm right here its ok" and I immediately stopped crying and felt perfectly calm and safe. I realized if I had imagined that it wouldn't literally switch my emotions entirely. I am not sure what I have but my therapist believes that I have DID but I have not gotten an official diagnosis yet. ok that's all lol omg I said couch that's so funny I meant coach help

[@CRYSTALNOODLES]

thank you so much for sharing this experience of yours - i can relate a lot with the audible but not audible thing... i have an intake appointment on thursday with a neuropsychologist - i'm so flippin nervous, not sure how much i should share with them and how much i should just relax and let thier questions "discover" the diagnosis on it's own...

[@dreamznaspiratons7064]

updates??

[@kathryntolle7822]

Diagnosed with schizoaffective but have alters... I was wrongly diagnosed

[@PavementRyan]

Hey mate, I know this is late and all, but were you professionally diagnosed with having a dissociative disorder? Because I’m finding out things like alters telling me they exists but I’m still not sure whether I made it up or not. And if you weren’t diagnosed, how did you figure they were real?

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

I have a "working diagnosis" which means it's not officially on my records but at that time that was the closest diagnosis they could find for what I was experiencing, but they weren't confident enough to state it officially. I had been hearing my alters for a few years before that diagnosis. I thought of them as hallucinations as that was the only term I knew that described the experience. There are plenty of times where I questioned if they are "real" of if I'm just making it all up somehow but after 15+ years I feel it would have stopped by now. I think the nature of dissociation makes it hard to feel like anything is real. All I know is I have these experiences, and regardless of what name you want to give it, I'm still experiencing it.

[@dreamznaspiratons7064]

a mix of ocd and paranoia and cptsd too

[@dreamznaspiratons7064]

ppl are often misdiagnosed with psychosis. its ossd with ocd with cptsd/ trauma uncertainty and stress

[@user-ht4ii1wi6u]

Like you have a crying baby, I have a voice that interjects during touching moments to ruin the mood. I dont know what to call him or her yet

[@sp5457]

Funny i always heard about something called multiple personality disorder long back but never remotely thought of it as something that i was experiencing although an undergrad friend of mine also said that i might have it. I didn't take her seriously though or even asked her why she said that.. may be i was too scared to confront those issues or i was confused myself. there has always been a separate thread running in my head, conversations that i have with some folks internally. Thanks to KZbin and my psychotherapist that i have come to know that i might be dealing with DID or OSDD or parts. How did you know the names of your parts? When i asked internally i did get a name and then 2 next morning but it is so weird that I am an Indian and those are American names. That really made me think may be I am making these up. This is so confusing!

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

Mine came with their own names (apart from two who had no name so we agreed on a name together). One of mine is American whilst I'm English so I understand the confusion ☺️

[@gothboithick]

that doesn’t mean you’re making it up, don’t worry. that’s really common.

[@dreamznaspiratons7064]

thank you. god bless you

[@evanfers]

I have a bf with DID but still confused, because his alter is also inlove with me, my confusion is that ,is it really possible that he and his alter can communicate with me at the same time using messenger or chat, cause its like I am in a a gc with him and his alter, or he just prentending and playing with me, please help

[@campos4769]

does it hapen to you that before sleeping they get louder?

[@zayanaya8957]

Why the music

[@LeopoldCyril-v5p]

Perez Robert Martinez Betty Wilson Carol

[@FindingClassic-s5k]

Thomas Laura Robinson Carol Young Margaret

[@KWhite-f5e]

Brown Frank Anderson Deborah Clark Ruth

[@FirstnameLastname-cx6go]

Wait you are lucid dreamer too?

[@jenna3320]

I like your videos, but I have a really hard time focusing on a lot of what your saying, due to the music you play in the background....it’s very distracting. Could you please make some videos without background music also? Thank you!!

[@TheRaRaRabbit]

I might choose some more ambient tracks in future so it doesn't distract.

[@Scream_Kuromilover7037]

I’m new to this video and I’m just trying to find some answers, basically I want to know if it’s normal to feel like there’s someone else internally, like a person. Yesterday was the second time that I’ve felt them being there, and the first time that it happened I thought it was depersonalization, but since it happened again, I feel like it’s DP, Idrk, I just want answers on what I’m experiencing.

[@dreamznaspiratons7064]

schizophrenia and the dsm aren't perfect concepts. empaths and highly sensitive ppl are affected. it's a spirtual concept