How I Knew I Was Transgender | mtf

This video is about how to spot the signs that you might be transgender. I'm also talking about my story from child to adult.
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Hope you liked this video! If you have any other questions, please tell me below!

[@ataliermitchel5603]

I'm really curious how do you handle with dysphoria ?

[@carlosmorris4510]

Well, I've had a falling out recently with a MTF on another channel (her channel) - just over pronouns, kind of, and it was in the sub-thread of someone else's comment; a comment where this individual had asserted that she's a man and always will be... It's like it went from saying that a trans person is "a transgender" is offensive, to simply saying that they're "a trans man/woman" is offensive; even though previously it was suggested that "a trans woman" (in this case) is appropriate, whereas saying "a transgender" isn't... So I've been complying out of respect in calling MTFs 'trans women'. ...But to only get shot down in simply saying that, as an ally! This seems ridiculous to me - almost as if it's offensive to even use the word 'trans' now in reference to a transgender person. It isn't offensive if someone says "a gay man" or "a lesbian" or "a straight/cisgender guy", is it?... But according to this individual it apparently is. In my experience, there seems to be some very thin-skinned (hyper sensitive), reactionary and unnecessarily defensive people within the LGBT community in general... They're not all like this though; some are much more reasonable and open than others. I've since unsubscribed from this individual's channel and moved on... They're like a Jekyll and Hyde - nice and cheerful in their videos; a demon in their comments section - like you're talking to a different person. Too weird for me! I'm a cisgender male and an ally, but it's hard to support someone when they jump the gun and shoot you down so quickly. Anyway, kind of a long rant of sorts... Hopefully you have some insight on this. Have a good day.

[@robinhajek1850]

@@carlosmorris4510 I personally don't have a problem being called a "trans woman" but I can understand why other people might find it offensive, if they only want to be perceived as being a "woman". I think you just need to respect how each individual wants to be described. As for saying "a transgender" I don't like that at all. The word "transgender" should only be used as an adjective, and not as a noun, or as a verb either for that matter. You can say "a transgender person" because in this case you are using the word as an adjective. Anyway, that's what I think. I don't presume to speak for all transgender people.

[@carlosmorris4510]

@@robinhajek1850 That's good... This seems curious to me; in how some trans individuals take it as being objectifying or fetishizing - which I don't see it as being. I would treat a trans woman just the same as a cisgender woman, personally. If someone wouldn't, then that could be seen as sexually objectifying. Hmmm... It's different for each trans person then.

[@carlosmorris4510]

@ιώτα β.ι. I agree; I only use these terms as adjectives... I see them as people, just like anyone else. In recollection, perhaps I had just jumped the gun in my falling out with the trans KZbinr in question - seeing it as them trying to dishonestly garner acceptance through asserting that they wanted to be seen as being cisgender; maybe I was wrong about this...? A learning experience on my part, perhaps, in trying to understand trans people.

[@abeilleb1755]

I knew at 16 in 2013 but I did not start transitionning until I was 21, now I'm 23 .I regret it so much. And I wish I could have transitionned before puberty so I could have lived a normal teenagehood.

I know how you’re feeling, but regretting your choices won’t turn back time. Try to be positive and be happy you finally took the step to be yourself. You can’t change the past, but you can be happy about the future. You’re finally on the right track, remember that ❤️❤️

[@Leonardo-cw1dd]

i wish i knew sooner

[@fingerscrossed2453]

@ you encourage people to mutilate their bodies.

[@bigkj2.027]

Amazing

[@kitty69420]

i transitioned around the same age as you and used to have those same regrets. im 33 now and realize i was very lucky to transition as young as i did.

[@aurilightsong6330]

I didn't know until i was 25. Didn't even know what Transgender Was until that year. (I live in a very small farming town, so there's not alot of us that are lgbt. I only even know TWO other trans people.) But looking back, it should have been obvious to Someone that Something wasn't adding up. Always chose female over male friends. (Lol still do actually, don't trust most men.) Always loved having my hair and makeup done, wearing womens clothing, and just being all around feminine. But like Mathilda, I was a product of my environment, and raised by a single father. (Who I later found out is quite racist and homophobic.) And Now, he is the ONLY person that refuses to even acknowledge me transitioning. 4 years later. Advice for anyone having trouble with people because of your transition, it is YOU that has to live your life. Nobody else. So the main thing is to focus only on YOU, and piss on anybody that slows you down. There WILL be cruel, close-minded people. Ya just gotta learn to tune them out, without rising to their bait. ☺💕💞💖 Yet another awesome amd helpful video!!! You're an absolute treasure Miss Mathilda! ☺😘💖❤

[@petcheetah3213]

I respect your identity, but just wanted to say that hairstyles and makeup don't have gender :( it's kinda offensive to say this, beucause many men enjoy having long hair an makeup done, aswell as many women have short hair and don't do makeup. it's not something that should determine gender

[@veronicagorosito187]

@@petcheetah3213 Gender doesn't ecists in first place, it's a political term, not scientifical. Sexual Identity is in the brain, NOT the mind or ''desires''.... There are so many people who transitioned due to a sexual desire and they claim to be ''transsexual''.

[@suzi_eee]

I am currently at the age of 17 and I know who I am. I am also a mtf but cannot do anything. In India these things are so messed up with social discrimination and uncertainty in career so I don't know what should I do. Gender Dysphoria and depression is killing me everyday.. you are so lucky and brave. I really like your videos. As you experienced this feelings so watching your videos give me a peace having the feeling of relatability

[@UWU-nw4tv]

Yeah, I know. I read about it online. India is one of the most discriminating countries for trans people. I feel bad for you:/

[@Christinasolanaari]

I pray that you find peace and your able to transition to be your authentic self❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@jhanavis515]

Rip, I'm from South India, 16yrs old, wanna transition but.. You know..

[@meera24788]

Hey Sujoy, it's Sarah here do u remember? You're from Kolkata right? I'm facing the same problem, my gender dysphoria, study pressure etc killing me I'll be transitioning most probably from next year, I might take HRT next year. Stay positive and stay focused you will achieve your dreams someday 👍🏻

[@suzi_eee]

@@Christinasolanaari thanks for the good wishes. I'm literally seeing this after a whole year💖. I hope you are doing well too

[@somethinginformative8119]

I'm just a male high school student and I'm really inspired by your story

[@javinthompson1909]

I’ve been needing a video like this. I’ve been questioning my identity for a while now and can’t find the answers I need online.

[@PikminandOatchi]

You got this king and or queen.

[@javinthompson1909]

@@rockechist Thank you for the laugh!! 😆

[@owenwigs2703]

Did you figure out your identity. I’m a little confused too

[@jantwosleeves5376]

@@rockechist your life is so sad that you came to the comment section of a trans girls video just to talk shit to someone for no reason other than you have nothing better to do which is kind of embarrassing. If anyone needs help it’s you...

[@jantwosleeves5376]

@@rockechist you literally go through all her videos and comment at people like that is honestly so sad you must be lacking something in life

[@MeganOHowe]

I always wished I was a girl, suppressed the part of me for a long time, I used to throw away my girl clothes, wasn't until the past 4-5 years I kept my clothes and stopped living in denial, took me a couple more years dressing in girls clothing almost every day after work then every day the past year and a half. Finally at the start of the year I went to a place to start the process to get HRT. 15 days of HRT now can't wait to live full time and pass more, my beard hair is thick, had to wait for finishing laser because of lockdowns, only had 3 sessions so far

[@LightningFox7]

What are girls clothes?

[@rutvikkapasi9849]

I realised that i am transsexual at 20...I don't have severe dysphoria... But I know that I am a girl... I am a doctor and i have decided that first I will persue my MD first and than I will begin my transition...

[@drnrbnta5547]

I also knew something was not all right with me as far as gender identity went before I realized I was transgender. I didn't know anything about "transgender' HRT' crossdressing" etc. until I was 29 years old. However, I was always envious of girls on how they lived their lifestyle the type of clothes they wore. I was confused in my junior and pre-teen years and I believed I was girl inside. I started "crossdressing" too behind closed doors prior to believing I was girl. I was happy with it when I did. I felt soo relaxed, free, uplifted and overwhelmed with joy! But I was still depressed and confused of why I cross dressed. I finally learned about transgender, hrt and why I crossdressed until I was 29 years old. I am 50 years old now and have yet to start transition with hrt. I wish I had transitioned before puberty.

[@evevening7995]

Hi mathilda, my name is EVE, I knew from the age of 7 that I was one the wrong body, unfortunately I was born 1952 , for years I had to hide due to the fear of being rejected, I finally came out to my mother in 1999, and finally went to see my doctor, then I had years of seeing specialist before I finally got my bottom surgery 14years age, I wish I had been able to come out years ago, I am very happy now living as I should have for years ago, wishing you all the best from EVE in the UK xx

I’m happy you finally became the person you really are. Sending you much love ❤️

[@lyndseygillett6718]

Wow that is a long time, congrats on having a happier, authentic life. God works in mysterious ways. Bless you x

[@hollow.9239]

I'm hoping to come out to my parents this year, I'm hating myself every day for not telling them Ive felt like this since I was 9 and I recently discovered what a transgender person was but I'm too scared to tell them

[@pyellard3013]

Wish u good luck going fwd..

[@chef_boyarceez]

Can we get an update?

[@ForeverJade.D]

“What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.” The Matrix has been such an important metaphor for me in understanding my transness. “being the one is just like being in love. No one needs to tell you you are in love, you just know it, through and through”

[@deivdd8061]

You are so beautiful, I discovered myself 4 months ago that I identify myself as a trans woman, and to see you beautiful, and speaking openly, is very comforting!

[@Mikzalable]

The point about not being trans if the institution rejects you is bs. We have the same system here in Norway and I've talked to multiple people that were rejected for the smallest things which made them either have to live longer in a body they didn't prefer before trying again or get help from someone in the private sector (which costs a lot more) and that gatekeeping is really damaging for a lot of people.

I don't agree. Scandinavia has one of the world's lowest detransition cases and that is due to the system. It exists for a reason and it's here to help people. If people are being rejecting that might be because they're not transexual. They might be non binary, they might suffer from body dysmorphia and so on.

[@Mikzalable]

@ One of the people I've talked to got rejected because her shoes weren't feminine enough. She ended up going the other route and had to pay for her transition herself. She's just as trans as any other trans girl I know. It might stop some people that would've detransitioned, but considering how many actual trans people get rejected it's still too flawed.

[@averyofhousejade1176]

@ That system is absolutely gate-keepy and very transphobic. If you don't identify with the gender you were assigned at birth, you're straight up trans. Transgender covers a number of identities too. Its not just trans male and trans female. Non binary, genderfluid, agender, etc. They all fall under the transgender umbrella. So just FYI saying they might not be trans and might be non binary is kinda contradictory. Also it is absolutely nobody else's damn place to tell you who or what you may or may not be. That is not something any system or government should be allowed to do.

[@pyellard3013]

@ I am not sure what u mean? If all potential 'detransitioners' are weeded out.. Then clearly there will mistakes/rejections the other way.. Genuine trans will be refused help...I am not saying that people should be allowed to transistion on demand but its a more complicated issue then having gate keepers.. Should "detransitioners" be allowed to detransition on demand? Is the testing/gateway to detransistioning as rigoursly checked & delayed as for transistioning? 🤔

[@veronicagorosito187]

@ Sorry but in Spain happens the same and they're not serious, but full of bias & prejudice. I'm from Argentina but spanish friends told me that. The Health Center for transsexual people was full of biased doctors that have a very narrow mindset, arbitrary approach and very intrusive. You don't have to wear something special to be female because sexual identity is in the brain not the mind... But.... in times of Harry Benjamin it was you have dysphoria or you are rejected (not like today everyone ''can be'' transsexual, and not _having transsexualism_ ... those are 2 different things)

[@veronikabystarlight3296]

Hiya, Mathilda! 😊 I hope you and yours are all safe and well. From one of my earliest memories, approx 2.5 - 3 years old, I knew I was in the wrong body. I literally even attempted to remove my genitalia with my old plastic kiddie knife under a bed, immediately after I realised that thing shouldn't have been there. I am now 35 and FINALLY, after over 6 years of being messed around by the GIC in my city, I am imminently about to commence my HRT. Just waiting for the appointment letter coming through the post from my GP, now. Thank you so much for all your hard work in so many of your videos. Since I randomly stumbled by your channel ages ago, the topics you have discussed have helped me immensely. Especially during my social transitional stage. Keep up the awesome work, hun. And fingers crossed, I'll one day get to look even half as beautiful as you! 😍 Have a lovely weekend to you and Christian. x

[@aurilightsong6330]

Hope everything goes well for you!! ☺💓💞💖

[@veronikabystarlight3296]

@@aurilightsong6330 Aww, thank you, hun. 😊x

[@chemicalcretin139]

I spent 16 years thinking that I was just ugly and stuff like that and I hated myself until I saw myself in the mirror in a surgery dress. I literally cried with happiness looking at myself and I just knew what was right for me. I'm so excited a year later on to be starting hrt to finally like what I see in the mirror and be who I want to be.

[@ZoeyO20244]

I just found your channel and I just wanted to say when you said you wanted to be those girls, that's exactly how I felt my whole life too, I wanted to be them. I wanted to wear what they wore and it hurt that I couldn't, i didn't want them in a different way, I just wanted to wear what they wore and now I'm trying to tell people again and trying to do it again, I'm 23 and I came out when I was 17 but didn't move forward and I finally met with an LGBT center and I honestly want to transition, thank you for these videos. It feels powerful saying that I am transgender, It feels so right telling people too

[@jazzrodgers]

I remember asking my parents to buy me dolls when I was 4. They bought me one and then kinda pushed me towards toy guns and army play. I remember when I was 8 my mom was half asleep watching some talk show featuring a person who was transsexual and had been surgically changed into a woman. A light went off in my head, "something like that is even possible?!" This was mid-90's. I did some research and soul searching when I was a teen (really difficult growing up in an abusive household). I came out when I was 16 but had a lot of social pressure especially being particularly unpopular in high school so by the time I was 18 I hid back in the closet. When I was 25 I tried coming out again and even beginning transitioning by wearing women's clothes and living as a woman (preemptive to trying to see a gender therapist) and it was difficult because of all my insecurities and trauma. My more conservative family was supportive but I could tell it was hard for them to be supportive. I eventually went back into the closet and tried socially pretending like nothing happened. That was in 2014. Since then I've been I've tried so hard to be happy seeing myself as a cisgender man and still debating and doubting back and forth if my gender dysphoria is valid. Now it's 2021 and over the past few years I've been doing a crap-ton of research as well as reading as many perspectives and stories from trans people online as I can. I can totally relate to so many of these experiences and feelings! I'm still unsure because of 2 failed attempts to come out of the closet. I've discover the egg_irl subreddit and "still cis tho" is now a regular part of my vocabulary. Especially the past 4-5 I feel like I've really discovered more about myself than ever before and am seriously considering trying to come out again and hopefully successfully transition. But there's still a lot of my friends and family that would upset. Even my bisexual girlfriend gave me negative feedback. Plus the fact that a lot of my friends are "dudebros" who hate feminism, voted for trump and believe transgender is a delusional lie of the "liberal media". I'm kinda leaning back away from transitioning at this point, not the least because how big of a commitment it is, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually, financially and in terms of time and resources as well as energy to reorient myself socially to my proper gender and so much more. I'm want to be absolutely certain and absolutely committed and absolutely ready, plus healed from the wounds of the past. I just don't want to turn away again only to turn 40 and my dysphoria become so bad that transition becomes inevitable. I don't want to have regrets about getting too old, having lived most of my adult life in an unhappy lie only to become an ugly unpassable woman as the alternative. I know I can't run away from these issues forever but I'm terrified of truly facing them and standing committed to the change no matter who turns against me in my life :(

[@chef_boyarceez]

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I grew up in the south in the 90s with a conservative family and was in church every Wednesday and twice on Sunday. You can’t let the opinions and beliefs of others keep you from being who you know you are deep down inside. You have to be happy with yourself - not everyone else. It’s your life - not theirs. If your girlfriend isn’t cool with it then she’s not for you. It sounds like you also fear being isolated for your choices. If that does end up happening there’s a whole community of trans people that can be there for you and be more supportive than the people currently around you. It’s scary and uncertain but rewarding. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. You got this!! Also try reaching out to a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria and transitioning. They’re super helpful.

[@jazzrodgers]

@@chef_boyarceez Thank you :) My girlfriend and I have been talking a lot about it lately. She's supportive but it still takes some getting used to thinking of me as a woman in a man's body when she fell in love with me as what she thought was a man. Of course she's known about my feminine side for a LONG time. She's worried what her religious parents would think. Plus her daughter already gets made fun of for not having a dad and thinks about her being made fun of if she had 2 moms. She just needs time to adjust and process but is willing to support me and be with me so long as I would still want to be with her through transitioning I'm just curious based off your username, are you transmasc or eggmode/closet transfem (or enby/genderqueer)? I want to know the right pronouns :)

[@Tenvince]

one problem is people are convinced they have no knowledge themselves and need outside sources. wrong. only you can possibly know what's right for you. search inside and find your feelings. learn to separate outside influence from your own true thoughts. if you feel the opposite gender, if that gives you inner joy, passion and energy, then it is a truth which is resonating inside you. you will know if you believe you CAN know. don't listen to anyone who says you CANT know. goes the same for any truth about you.

[@lenaporcia1927]

I've heard your story about the TV-Show and your coming out many times before. But only this time I realised the parallel to my own story. Of course I needed much more time to come out to my mother after the happening (round about 12 to 15 years^^), but... sometime at the end of the 90s/beginning of the 2000s while my parents were gone night out & my sister was already sleeping, I saw an TV-documentation about patients of Dr. Burou. My immediate thoughts were "That's me!". As you can imagine my second and third thought were less positiv (Keyword internalisied transphobia; and remember: We are talking about 20 years ago, the society was totally different). But although I try to talk me out that thing, it bothered me for weeks. And I never forget it. Years later, when I was finally coming out to myself (and in the further to other people), I always remembered that event...

[@gerdau.3276]

How long did it take you from meeting a therapist for the first time and being completely transitioned socially+physically? I think it's a really good video that will help a lot of people who are struggling with these kind of things or just want to be educated. Thanks! You're such a lovely person and it's great to see your channel growing! 💛 🌞

[@jwenting]

Not sure how long it takes in Sweden, but here in the Netherlands the absolute minimum before you can even be put on the waiting list for surgery is over 2 years (which is the minimum period you're required to live as a woman socially before being even considered for surgery, so in reality it's going to be a year or more longer than that most likely unless you're already quite a ways along in your social transition before even meeting that mental health specialist who will be your case overseer). Include the waiting list to even get an appointment with that first mental health specialist and you're realistically talking closer to 3-4 years. And that's if everything goes at the fastest possible pace our national health system allows. Given the massive shortage of medical staff at all levels we're suffering from in this country, I'd not be surprised if the actual duration is several years longer still (a friend who needs counseling for PTSD and ASD related problems has been on a waiting list for her first emergency consult for 6 months already for example...).

[@TheHyenaGalaxy22]

So I’m 13, and I’ve had these thoughts for about a year or so, not going away and constantly in the back of my mind, I’ve thought I was different but when I began to realise I may have ADHD, I thought that was it, but the feeling was still there. My family is supportive of all things like this but I don’t know how to reveal it to them but I feel as I need to soon because it will probably just get more stronger in my mind as life goes on. Just don’t feel myself and after thinking about it and finding videos like these, I was like “holy shit, this is me, I’ve finally realised why I feel the way I feel” Sorry for the long comment, when I rant I rant, thank you for helping me realise who I am and what I think I am going to do with my life when I get older

[@jamessmith6363]

ADHD is highly correlated with being transgender if they’ll be supportive tell them! If you’re not trans oooops! If not let’s goooo

[@QuantumCha4os]

I just realised that I was trans in September and I feel inspired by your story. ❤ 🏳️‍⚧️

[@harrycordell7769]

Thanks for sharing helps me understand some of the reasons why.Also it is so good that your mother was supportive.

[@junyutan9408]

Very sound, reasoned advice and lovely sharing, thank you!

[@monkeykingcrazy]

hey! so i am a transgender female and im going on hrt and doing all of that jazz soon lmao. but just wanted to tell you expenses i had before I even knew I was trans. so I was really depressed and I didn't feel right at all. and ever time i looked in the mirror i would look and just hate myself. and then it came to a point where I just had this wired feeling that I wasn't me like I could not connect myself to me in the mirror and it was scary. once I knew i could become a girl i started thinking about it all the time but I was to afraid to come out so i did nothing. but now I moved and I'm living with my loveing family member and i came out! so yeah haha

[@Phealinbro]

The thing about it being uncomfortable telling one parent and not the other, I had the exact same thing but in reverse, it was my mother that was the hardest to tell, I decided to wait until after my first meeting with the specialist team before I told her. Now it's just the long wait before I can meet the doctor for the first time but at least I'm a few steps closer to finding myself.

[@aurilightsong6330]

You got this!! ☺💕 It won't always be easy, but rarely is anything of great importance ever that way!

[@Vivian_Tia]

I have always known I wanted to be a girl since I was 9, sadly for 26 years I had to keep it a secret and push my feelings down our of fear. Good news though, after years of searching I have finally found a Transgender Therapist over a month ago. My therapist wants me to talk to my primary doctor about starting low dose hormones (since only my doctor can prescribe them), which I am very happy about.

[@UWU-nw4tv]

I’m having a problem. I’m 13 which is a problematic age. So I’m trying to figure out if I’m actually trans, or it’s just some random thought

[@nicholaslj901]

@@UWU-nw4tv I’m 13 and trans too lol

[@danis7541]

Great story Matilda thanks for sharing! One thing is that has your sexuality 'changed' or not before and after transition? Did you know if you were into guys or girls before starting to transition? For me I feel like that being attracted to women has held me back so much from realizing my trans identity. Even the gender dysphoria itself. I just realized how much I really wanted to be a girl instead of guy for my entire life. However the biggest exception is, if I'm imagining being with a girl, romantically & intimately, I don't feel that being a boy is that bad. Although looking back it's probably just that girls who're into girls are a minority also. And I've actually been experiencing things like crushes, relationships, dates, etc. although never to a very... 'Serious' or 'deep' level. But I've heard that for some ppl their sexuality changed completely after transitioning. Specifically, being trans & heterosexual. Like many trans women were into women pre transition but then felt more comfortable with men after transitioning. D like to know what's the case with you Matilda.

[@hayleyh3187]

I’m scared at how my father will react

[@yany2671]

@Incognito Sir u need to mind ur damn business

[@tauon_]

@Incognito Sir you need to stop being an idiot and get outside

[@skryptto6289]

This is so great. One day I hope to study the histories of people. I’m sure we will all Leave traces of who we were in the soil.

[@kaylawassmann8611]

It seems like everything that you have talked about is pretty much the same experiences that I've had. I'm 20 years old and I'm currently getting help with getting my SRS date set. Thank you for being so open and sharing, I know it helps me.

[@DarDarBinks1986]

I knew between the ages of 8 and 14 but didn't tell anybody because I didn't know how to articulate it. I didn't even know until later in life that I could just go on hormone therapy and transition. If I'd known that over 20 years ago, I'd have already done it by now. Now I'm 34 and on titty skittles for 3½ months and counting. I wish I could have gone on puberty blockers followed by HRT earlier in life so I could live my true self earlier.

[@aurilightsong6330]

"Titty skittles" 😂😂😂😂😂 haven't heard that one yet. Hope everything goes smoothly and easily for you!! ☺💓❤

[@lycieae8879]

I've been in a huge hole with my dysphoria for a long time, I always see myself as a lady but a tomboy, so if I come out to my family it's going to sound like a lie because I'm a woman trapped in a man's body who likes masculine things

[@kathrynwhitby9799]

don't let that prevent you seeking peace of mind and happiness. I'm still a petrol-head and comms engineer, and still able to talk to father and brother about all that stuff. It's just who i am. or, as i described myself when i came out, i likened it to "Marathon" becoming "Snickers" as a loose example for my co-workers to aid understanding.

[@pippishortstalking8349]

I am the exact same way. I think it helped me realize that societal norms and gender really aren't the same.

[@TheSoloCodGamer]

When you said about being jealous with what girls look like and also wanting to be them I thought about it same. I'm just thinking maybe when I go to university to start trying to see if that's what I want

[@rogervossen3883]

Great video! Good and clear and honest story and explanation, with great advices. And your transition worked well: you are a beautiful natural woman...✨🙏✨😊

[@nicolemichellenewman4699]

OMG i love your videos so much! I wish you would do more videos that showed who you are. What you care about, the movies you love, what you read the real you.

Thank you ❤️❤️

[@michaelcaple6550]

I just commented on another vid i kinda watch them randomly but I felt the same when I looked in mirror I wanted to cut my face off with the depression I didn't realise I was having dysphoria I just thought I was depressed its been abig help watching your videos and the other girls so now im starting my journey im seeing a therapist just started so again thanks hun

[@evilron944]

Excellent video, Mathilda. I think you ( and other trans people of KZbin) are saving the lives of kids who are isolated and think there is no one else who feels like they do. You speak to them and let them know there is a process, a way, to become the person they were meant to be. Thank you.

[@tompisowicz3606]

Hello Mathilda I love watching your videos I am transgender and will be starting my journey soon I am a very happy person now my friends are very supportive for me and my doctors are very supportive with me I had been struggling with this for years and I finally got to meet the right people and doctors to come clean about my feelings and it had lifted a lot of weight off my me so now after talking to the doctors and counseling they are going to start working with me and get me started on the right medication to begin my journey

[@rickjackson6278]

There were transgender people around during Caitlyn Jenner’s youth. They weren’t as accepted & this topic wasn’t as widely discussed. There was Tula, a “Bond girl.” Also, the Rock Musician Lou Reed famously had a trans girlfriend back in the 70s

[@averyofhousejade1176]

There have been trans folks since ancient Greece times at the very earliest. There are statues of people with boobs and a penis.

[@averyofhousejade1176]

@ιώτα β.ι. And? Your point is what? We are not a new thing. We've been around just as long as cis folks.

[@averyofhousejade1176]

@ιώτα β.ι. Agreed. Not sure why you're making an issue out of this but intersex people are fully valid in who they are too.

[@averyofhousejade1176]

@ιώτα β.ι. Ah, I think I get it now. My apologies and fair enough ❤

[@rickjackson6278]

@@averyofhousejade1176 I suspect transgenderism has been around since the beginning of life.

[@donaldhollingsworth3875]

I completely understand from your point of view. I have had almost you have gone through.

[@kaseydunaway1488]

I love your videos I just found out this year and it took me awhile I was always sad and new something wasn’t right because I couldn’t love myself so I became Transgender I’m a girl now and I just can’t stop smiling I’m always happy now I’m excited a lot of my depression as left me I can love myself now I just started and I’m taking it slow and I’m hoping to get surgery in the future

[@leisasreallyreal8815]

BRAVO Mathilda. Good Info. On point.

[@akosichixboy8398]

Hi Mathilda! I would like to ask if it's really late for me to take HRT since right now I'm 32 years old now. But first of all I have a hormonal imbalance wherein I was born as male but I look like feminine without taking hormones. My voice is also feminine it doesn't change ever like normal teenage boy experience puberty. I don't have facial hairs on my face, legs and other hairs that is suitable for a man. Just to tell you the truth I'm experiencing Gender Dysporia for a very long time and it really stresses me out because I feel that I'm not belong. And I really want to be whole woman. Actually the reason why I always back out on taking HRT is because I'm fat and is it okay to take HRT even I'm fat. So my question is, Is it too late for me to take HRT since I'm fat due to a eating disorder.

[@7GSC251]

When my parents put their noses in my business they found out and are mean to me. They wont get any help for me and Soon i can move out. ADIOS Muchachos

[@darkpaw1522]

I knew for years but didn’t start exploring my sexuality till after my super religious phase. Started with polyamory, pansexual Ian, then finally all clicked when I tried on women’s clothing. I feel I still have a long ways to go, but glad I’m making taking those steps.

[@coltonpelfrey2272]

1241 I tried telling my mom so that she could help me. She just said that she didn’t support me and would never support me and now she’s been passive-aggressive for about a week. It’s also just really awkward around her now. But I just can’t wait until I’m an adult. Also I know that it seems like a parent not accepting you would suck. But so far it has honestly been better than being in the closet and having to hide it from everybody!

[@animalcrossingnerd8142]

Just the feeling of looking like my dad when i was younger grossed me out

[@RoughStoneRollingLapidary]

10:34 Mathilda, you are looking so gorg!! I wish the US would go back to a system like you have in Sweden. This self ID is rampant with kids especially and young adults. My friend’s daughter’s school, somewhere near 3/4 of her school identify as some form of LGBT. She’s in 4th grade! Her school is K-5. It is mind blowing.

[@JasonFisk]

You’re an awesome human being. Just saying.

[@kencoleman5007]

I saw an interview in which Jenner explained her unease about the Olympics win and the Wheaties box and all because it was cementing in the world seeing her as "Bruce". I had no idea that my therapist had experience in helping trans inmates. For many years, it was a recurring gag with us how my feminine side was so strong and how she and I have a similar taste in clothes and accessories. On a break from therapy (for income and insurance reasons), I started manifesting myself as female on Second Life, adding more color to my wardrobe, indulging inshore shopping... it was like rocks being removed from the middle of a creek. I started wondering if physical appearance is a form of communication and that I had been miscommunicating myself to others. My therapist said that I was notably happier when we next saw eachother. I had started adopting tights into my wardrobe, and she asked about undergarments. I thought "Why not try?", and started ordering some online. That led to more panties, some bras, loungewear, pajamas, sweaters, and some rompers and mid-lengtgs that I only wear in private. I've been growing my hair longer, and have started wearing my usual workplace button ups almost like a blouse with the top 2 or 3 buttons undone and the collar flared. ... I'm starting to make connections between myself now, and myself back in the 90's and 80's.

[@johnwalker1058]

There seems to be a very powerful positive influence that comes from getting to enjoy the freedom to more fully and extensively express oneself without having to be repressed. Good for you!

[@kencoleman5007]

@@johnwalker1058 Thank you. Though it isn't without a share of repression. Bras, inserts, rompers, and dresses, are for when nobody else is around. While at work, having my hair in a bun (and people are starting to stop calling it a man bun, and saying "COVID haircut" instead."), ... The bun is a more professional option after my hair has dried, and days when my unit requires N95's, A high bun is practical in anchoring the top strap so that it's secure without nearly cutting into my ears. Around my family and some co-workers, I'm generally seen as a guy with long hair. Reminding people want their inner rock star out, or reminding my mom and sister to bother me about getting a "men's regular" so that I look more professional. On Thanksgiving (granted that I was wearing a sweater from the women's department of Uniqlo (with a pair of 501's, and Dr. Martens, it was like mid-femme lesbian Parisian style.And I didn't get the opportunity to let my hair down until after dessert. Sometimes, I get less harassment from family when I use my sunglasses as a hairband, but then I'm asked why I have my sunglasses when the weather's overcast and rainy.

[@kencoleman5007]

@@johnwalker1058 It gets more tricky when you have an invasive parent with little respect for your personal boundaries. Hair elastics are easy to explain, and maybe plastic hair clamps. But it can be difficult hiding all the clothing, and worrying that any moment, they could nose around. Kristen Beck had a houseboat to herself, and (still) had to purge any women's clothing before missions.

[@izzymaedavidson1974]

It’s so funny that to me that you say that you had to go through this year long process to get on hrt in Sweden . I’m an American that lives in one of the worst states to be transgender here and I was able to just go to place just for transgender people and just had to be on a waiting list for a couple of months and after my first appointment I started hrt the next day. I was so dysphoric and desperate to get on hrt I couldn’t imagine having to wait that long to start but I understand that approach they take in Sweden . Sorry for any run on sentences lol. Love your videos btw .

[@Ivdeath]

Hi mathilda i am 15 and for almost 2 years now i have felt different and after a few months i relived that i felt like i was transgender and i am just to scared to tell my parents that i want to go transgender because i don’t know how they will act or what they will say do you have any advice for me?

[@Helfirehydra]

I didn’t know I could transition until I was about 17 and I already had it in my head that it’s too late but now I’m 25 and trying to work up the confidence to ask my doctor about it

[@daniobrien1049]

It is interesting how media can bring definitions and identities to people. I knew what my feelings were when the bathroom bills were appearing in the United States. My identity sadly has followed sad times, probably due to me being very stubborn and fighting back against what is hateful. Mine was not as clear for the longest time. I knew I did not like the sexual parts of my body since I was at least 4 (don’t remember much of anything the first three years). I always hung around my sister and did girly things so I never felt the societal pressures. I am also a bit different as I have the same kind of gender dysphoria for many things, however I have both euphoria and dysphoria for many parts of my body. I am however gender fluid, in my case my gender flops and gender dysphoria shifts around. I have consistent dysphoria for my genitals, however my chest, face, and figure vary from time to time. Fortunately my figure isn’t painful in terms of my dysphoria. My chest is but binders and lose fitting outfits reduce the issues enough that I am not conscious about it. Today I am finally on my way to help with my dysphoria towards my genitals, consultation day!! For my identity I am about 10% masc, 40% femme, and 50% angro. Gender fluidity is very weird but no matter what you identity you can make it through.

[@aurora4407]

God im so early. I just wanna say that i admire u so so so much😍😍😍😍❤❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you! ❤️❤️

[@doci6139]

Her experience: 1 Felt something wrong with her. 2 More confident with girls 3 Puberty and body 4 Gender dysphoria (every T feel that): mind not connected with body

[@josephgardiner9866]

Thank you so much for this very helpful video. I am transgender M T F and I have not came out yet.

[@Stellar_Neoma]

I keep trying different labels and even tried to go with no labels at all (never tried trans), but as someone who comes from a transphobic family I can't help but feel like I have internal transphobia. I even use a female name, and i always feel more comfortable with other females and using female avatars in games. I'm starting to think that I am indeed trans with internal transphobia.

[@Niaxx178]

I’m not sure that being comfortable with the opposite gender or playing with opposite gender makes you trans! I also feel comfortable with males and mostly play with male characters, I even have male nickname. My entire teenage hood I hated my changing body and periods. And I can’t vibe with girls even if my life depends on it. I’m glad I didn’t hear about trans because now that I’ve moved on to the next stage in life and got away from my toxic environment I FINALLY found myself and started loving my personality and body. My advise to you is to find out what exactly makes you feel uncomfortable and try to eliminate it before you damage your body.

[@CountCarbsNotCals]

So proud of you. Just had my SRS 2 days ago.

[@projectsanctuary7944]

will my hair get better? please tell me the hair gets better :c It's my absolute #1 dysphoria trigger, 2 months on HRT and i already have slightly visible breasts, but my hair is still horrible :c

[@matteboy_2780]

What was the tv show that you saw?

[@RyannJoyRule]

Thank you Mathilda! You are a wonder

[@Myaw-mrow]

2 minutes of this video is enough for me... i have decided that i need it, thanks!

[@riyajain7991]

I'm 33, have been mighty interested in crossdressing since puberty, but the first complete (kinda complete) makeover eight years ago has awakened the woman in me. I have been craving more makeovers because in girl mode, I feel happy, satisfied, complete. Seeing myself en femme feels liberating, empowering and just... Everything feels so right! I just want to write "happy and satisfied" a hundred times over. I've got to have proper makeovers only two more times after the first experience eight years ago. Crossdressing is not a sexual fetish for me. (When I had first started at the age of 12, then it was, but not anymore.) I hate my body hair. I hate the fact that I can't get my eyebrows shaped. I envy women for readily availing of all this grooming. I wish I could indulge in manicure-pedicure, facial etc. I don't want to just dress up by myself. I want to dress up with gal pals, go out, enjoy my time as a girl, really soak in that wonderful, feminine feeling. So far, have got to dress up only within four walls. The girl in me is aching to step out and breathe fresh air. So while technically I am a crossdresser, does not all this mean I might be a transgender? Like you said, the gender spectrum is a confusing space and I ought to see a therapist. I have been trying free online counselling in my country (India) but these counsellors merely mirror what I say and tell me I need to dress up more to better understand my desire. I wish I had a support system who'd help me with makeovers. I'm studying for an MBA right now. Will seriously look for therapy when I start earning the big bucks. Your videos are so helpful to me since I've been questioning my gender for quite some time now and no friend I try to talk to about it engages in this conversation with me.

[@ik1437]

Jfc, everything you described is simply personality and personal interests. Womanhood isn’t about manicures, shopping, giggling with gal pals. Nothing is stopping you from doing any of those things as a MAN.

[@riyajain7991]

@@ik1437 You took only a small part of what I wrote. Mani-pedi, shopping etc. isn't the be all and end all of what I want. I want to present myself as a woman, head to toe. Mani-pedi, threading, facial etc. are just a small part of the experiences I want. I want to go out and about just as one of the girls. Wish you'd care to read the whole thing and understand before offering your two cents.

[@bbfnonyoutube4006]

I knew I had a strong feminine side from birth but spent years repressing it because I thought it wasn't normal, biologically natural or morally right. I officially started hiding it at 12 years old in 2006. Fast forward to 2019 and I see Emma Ross in Jessie on Disney Channel and I just knew that Emma's appearance was the image of how I saw myself. I came out two weeks later despite strong self hatred. I'm still not passed the self hatred even though I've been on hormones for two years and am getting surgery. (Questions are welcome)

[@jeanettewest]

I was in the bathtub when I was roughly five years old, with my 8 yo sister taking a bath (this was in a farmhouse in Maine with limited water), when I noticed we were different "down there". I was so disappointed! I repeatedly told my mom I wanted to "be like (insert sisters name)". Years later, when I was 14, I told my mom I wanted to be a girl. I have always wanted to be a girl, and very soon that will be a reality. :) Good, informative video.

❤️❤️❤️

[@aurilightsong6330]

Hope it all goes as smoothly and easily as possible!! ☺💓💞

[@silver4831]

@Miss Cute Jeez, sex education is important in more ways than one it seems.

[@alexe5]

I ever look at the girl dreaming to look pretty as her, from child, but I start to feel very bad to be a guy when I quit the house, I'm sure essentially because I was becomed "free" but, alone to deal with those feeling. I waited to have enough maturity to truly plan to go ahead . Tbh, I'm a bit sad to wait so much time, more the time that transitioning takes. I really did have fear, and I still have apprehension to tell to most of people, who deal with me as guy. I know now there is no other way, to be fine with my body, then It definitely my next way, and my personal priority.

[@Bethany1989]

Please take this as a compliment. You more than pass as female. Honestly had you never said anything I would have taken you as female. Thanks for telling your story. I myself have been trying to change using subliminals. Because I feel like you did in many ways. Subliminals are all about belief so if you believe they work they do, but I do acknowledge the traditional way to change is rather scientific. Sublliminals are often seen as pseudoscience. Anyway, for me, unless I am FULLY female, I would not be satisfied that is why I am looking at reality changes and using the Law of Attraction to achieve it.

[@jakehoot8811]

Ive been pretty sure that im transgender for awhile now but i only dysphoria for my physical self so sometimes i am confused and unsure because i dont care about makeup or girly clothes but i always imagine myself as a girl because i feel i fit bettre in a female form

[@bobinmissouri]

I'm 64 and live almost 59 or 60 years as a man but i always wore a bra and panties but about 3 years ago i let my hai start to grow before i always have very short hair started wearing dresses and skirts about 2 years now and this year started wearing makeup and keeping my nails I go every were dress as a woman my doctors call me by my female name Bobbie hoping to start hrt before the end of the year I just found your channel and sub to it wish I would have started when I was a teenager or in my 20's you look awesome wish that here in the USA they had the same program as you have there the pic next to this is of me

[@TheeeDanielR]

Thank you 🙏 Needed this.

[@clarissanavarro2762]

Girl tell all your swedish Trans friends to move to NYC... In NYC the process is basically... you go to your doctor, tell them you are transgender, they reccomend therapy, an give you a Blood test, if it says you are good to go... you go on HRT. Gender clinics are good if you are not 100 % certain, and I highly reccomend anyone that thinks they may be transgender to go to therapy...but here, it's not demanded.

[@RispGD]

1:50 i was literally the same but i didnt know if i was trans because i didnt even find out about the term "transgender" until i was around 14. still in school so i cant transition because of my parents but im hoping one day i can 4:15 also i did the same thing lmaoo i wish i could come out but my parents are huge Catholics so they would never believe or even care that i have extreme dysphoria, so sadly i'm going to have to wait till i'm an adult

[@TheeeDanielR]

🦋

[@jeffhazuka1946]

Exactly how I feel also couldn't have said all that better. Thanks

[@IDM011]

Is a way of being dysphoric like thinking your straight when you’ve come out as a gay young man but straight just seems to fit more because I’m into men and when I would be in “gay” for some odd reason i would be attracted to women

[@TheGummisko]

dina videos hjäper mig massor!!... 1år och 10månader i utrednig, och idag fick jag min diagnos!!! wohoo! bara att vänta på tid till endo nu... /Jonna

[@ms.aelanwyr.ilaicos]

A weird dysphoric experience I've had: I experienced a deep resentment toward how testosterone effected my brain and behaviour. That is, the part of my body that I was dysphic about was my endocrine and central nervous systems.

[@loensss]

I am feeling this aswell :'( i want to transition but im scared i wouldnt be passable because im already 24 years old... :((

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

I think there is more in being a transgender than just assuming another gender role and acting like it . Many transgenders are stressed by society ( cisgender) stereotypes of what female and male roles are and the standards of masculinity and feminism.. It can b stressful for some transgender ppl like me to fit into society expectations of what a female is supposed to look like or act like ….

[@Leonardo-cw1dd]

i can agree with connecting with girls in school. i hung out with both boys and girls but ive somehow always flocked more towards hanging out with girls more than boys

[@kaseydunaway1488]

I always hang out with girls more and I felt the same way you felt I hated myself now I found myself and I’m so happy

[@darth_autie_117]

I've always hung out way more often with girls than with boys. And I've always felt like something about me was off. I accidentally figured it out at 13 but then proceeded to deny and ignore it until months ago

[@mxdahliabelle]

I felt broken since before starting school. I was permitted to engage in feminine activities and like feminine things, but being born in 1981, I just had to suck it up and deal with it. Starting in high school, the alienation and loneliness became sufficiently overwhelming for me to force myself to play the role of a boy. I tried to be a gay man in college, but still hung out with other women and never related to gay men. I eventually got married and had a kid. I love my son, but my marriage was miserable for both me and my wife. I attempted to address the issue in counseling, after my divorce, at the age of 32, but no one would listen or take me seriously until age 36. Even then, I held off for another year because I didn’t know how it might affect my son, but my life gradually fell apart until I finally reached the point where I could either transition or end my life. Most days, I'm glad I chose to transition, but there are still days in which dysphoria makes it virtually impossible for me to function - especially with the aggressive transphobia happening in America right now. I don’t want to be transgender. I want to be a woman. I want to be seen and accepted as a woman. I want to be an "adult human female," but that will never be possible for me, which is why I will always need treatment for depression and anxiety in addition to dysphoria.

[@thisgurl7479]

My significant other has always felt as a woman and has always been more feminine, and she wants to start hormone therapy but she is not sure, so I've been searching and doing research all day (she came out to me today)

[@lesleygarvs4640]

I love your accent so much! 🤗❤️🎶😁🌷

[@ElSpadeDiablo]

Can I just personally thank you? Cuz honestly I can relate heavily, this video is legit me. I was just watching to see if anyone else felt the same way and now as a very pre op trans woman I definitely see I’m not the only one

[@GIRLRAZR]

SIS I SO PROUD OF YOU! OK? =)

[@raulmarceldepoter7170]

Hello i like also your video are very interesting so i need to do my transition MTF, i want to start my HRT but in my country africa where i m living is impossible to do a transition because are not hormone, not doctor or other who can follow m or advice me so i nedd really your help and your advice because i m very hopless.

[@davgyyou1554]

Omggg i'm earlyy hiiii mathildaaa cX 💖💖✨✨

Hiii ❤️

[@davgyyou1554]

@ helloo im watching your viid haha, love you so muuch✨

[@cakestealer5983]

Dang I wish things were that clear for me I’ve been thinking I might be trans for around five years now and not knowing if I am or not really sucks

[@huemul4586]

now that i realized i'm actually a girl, i think i have never loved myself, i have never seen the person i am in the mirror, and i hope one day i can be actually happy

[@somethingmc1631]

I don’t know what to do if my mom is not supportive what should I do

[@bungiesnowflake]

Money talks. I live in Canada. Guy I know wanted to transition for 5 years. Had mild dysphoria by his own admission. Just decided that he'd "gone as far as he was going to as a man". Long story short, he makes a really good living day trading, went to Bangkok, talked to a Doctor and team. Took all of 3 days to be approved because of the money he offered them. Reminded me of movies where a murderer gets off only because he paid his lawyers a lot. That was 2 years ago, now he is she, and I've never see her so happy and content.

[@mina22200]

What does mtf stand for behind all the videos of yours?

[@astrallitwick5490]

Male to Female

[@mina22200]

@@astrallitwick5490 ah okay, thank you!

[@royalukas8144]

Don’t be afraid to find out and take the right path for you.

[@tornado4588]

I feel similar but not as extreme like I don’t hate my current self but I’m not happy as my current self but when I think of being a girl I get very happy so maybe I have gender dysphoria

[@Caitlin_TheGreat]

I feel like I'm super late to it, but I've come to acknowledge that I am _at least_ non-binary if not trans MtF. And thinking back, if it hadn't been a hidden "option" in my youth (back in the 90's!) I think I would have known I was some degree of trans back in 4th grade. Because that's when I realized that I liked being around the girls and felt bad when I was excluded because of being a boy and that I had a tendency to copy the mannerisms of the girls. And of course I was never thrilled about being a boy -- I don't hate it, exactly, but I don't like it either. Up until I acknowledge that trans was an option I just _accepted_ being male as though it was a disability or illness I was born with. I would still mostly be interested romantically in women. Right now I'm in the position of thinking about what I want to do about it. If transitioning was quick and easy (and free) I'd do it in a heartbeat. Even with the social challenges... I'm pretty sure job-wise I'd be okay. And _probably_ most if not all of my friends would be good about it -- a couple might have a hard time adjusting. Family is something else entirely. I think my mom would be cool. My sister probably not (unfortunately) and my stepdad would certainly not. Extended family... I don't expect much from them. And public interactions I would dread if/until I got to a point where I was passing. I don't think I could afford some of the more necessary things. Laser hair removal I would definitely need. Other surgeries I would have to consider a luxury, though facial harmonization would really, really help eventually. So mostly, if I were to decide to go through with a transition I think just HRT would be it (I live in the US so I'd need to get my insurance to cover stuff and I am doubtful it would). Though that might be enough, maybe. Affording enough new clothes and getting a decent make-up collection would also be challenges. Clothing especially as I've developed a pickiness for natural fibers which have become harder to find without some sort of plastic mix and more expensive. Right now, actually, I'm just focusing on trying to find a decent therapist as I already suffer from depression, anxiety, etc., and this additional realization has crystalized it all a bit as I think some of my issues may stem from being trans but not transitioning. Now I'd like to be able to work through some of these things to figure out how much that is the case (and maybe see if there's any sort of medication I might need for mental health stuff). Is this really the path I should be looking at going down? I've been thinking on it for several months now and I keep coming back to considering that the few times I've been able to forget about my gender it felt a bit like losing some internal tension. And the even fewer times I had a moment to feel like I *could* identify as a woman was accompanied by a happy almost-giddy feeling. Like, through some happenstance slip ups here and there where I've been "misgendered" as female and I thought "oh... oh wait, that's nice, I liked that." ------------------------------------------------- I don't know, right now, if I'm going to commit to it. But while I try to figure it out, I do want to make sure I do what I can to be supportive of others.

[@randychancemusic]

Thank you so much!!

[@petercaughran8767]

What is the difference between transsexual and transgender?

[@corn9555]

I’m not transgender nor do I have any of the signs pointing towards being transgender. However, I want to know how transgender people feel when transitioning, as well as how it effected them. This is because I want to write a story from a transgender persons perspective. Can anybody who is transgender tell me how they felt throughout these events in the comments?