How I learned to love myself as a queer teenager - never before told story

This is part 3 of my life story growing up as a bisexual, fluid, notdefining person in this world.
I’m telling my story so that others can relate and hopefully feel braver to tell their stories.
It’s my coming out story I guess. Though it’s not a traditional coming out story you might have heard.
As bisexual, fluid or non-defining people we often have complex journeys so I’m telling it in parts.
This is part 3. Check out the other parts of my story on my channel.
@notdefining is a support network for anyone who has ever struggled with their orientation, identity, self confidence or gender.
We create content and mentor to help you find a place where you feel confident and fulfilled, whatever your background or identity.
If you like our content please subscribe, like and share. Also you can check @Notdefining out on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.
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#comingout # comingoutstory
#bisexual

[@notdefining]

Please share your stories in the comments, I would love to hear them. Thank you so much for being with us and don't forget to subscribe because the next episode is coming out soon.

[@jsb5607]

What a blessing you are giving people.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much. I really appreciate you tuning in and taking the time to comment. You are giving me a blessing in return!

[@stevendaniel8126]

Your honesty is so powerful. Geeeeezzzzz. You must be a very secure person.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much. I appreciate that. I guess I am actually. Through a life of complete insecurity I now have found it. I really love myself and am proud.

[@Biggest_Luisa_Fan]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! Your channel is seriously underrated. These videos help and inspire AND are GOING to help and inspire so many people so much.

[@notdefining]

Oh my word thank you so so much for these beautifully kind and encouraging words my lovely one. You have absolutely made my day. I'm so proud to hear your story and delighted to hear that you have a supportive Dad. Big hugs to you both. It can be tough and lonely being bi/fluid/not-defining/multisexual can't it? That's why I started this channel. I'm just a regular person like you, with fears, insecurities and doubts. But speaking it out keeps me alive and I'm so proud to connect with people like yourself and hopefully make people feel less alone, as I did. It took me until I was 30 to come out, so you're beating me by a long shot. You're doing great. I'm always here for you and I'm sending you so so much love from our community. Your bi+/mspec community is here for you every day as you go into this world, ok? We're rooting for you and know that you take all the time you need. Do life the way you feel. You're doing great. You're so valid. We love you so so much. Thanks again for commenting and wishing you a fab day. Mark x

[@Biggest_Luisa_Fan]

@@notdefining Wow thank you so much for every word you said!! It means so much! Yeah, it's definitely a bit lonely being bi, sometimes.😟 I've been homeschooled for most of my life, only recently having started college, and I don't have any family members who are openly LGBTQ to relate to, really. So, I definitely get it.😢 A lot of that loneliness has lessened now though, due to finding amazing people like you online and my Dad being so wonderful and supportive!!

[@nickosmond9561]

Hi Mark. I love your videos! Very candid and honest. I'm a Bisexual/Pansexual Non-binary person. I's a very confused teen. I'm a child of the 80s and 90s. As you know Bisexuality wasn't know or talked about back than. Thanks so much. Mark

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for your kind words. I’m basically exactly the same as you then haha. Sending love.

[@sundancercolorado7087]

Hello Mark. Thank you for your story. . I think most of us are unsure as teenagers. We are trying to figure out who we are, and how the whole teenage social world works. . I went though similar feelings, the only difference was I didnt care if I fit in, and I didn't care if I had friends. Maybe that was a way of protecting myself. I am not sure. . I think it must have been terribly hard to move to another place and have to learn the rules of Scotland. . But now, you can say you survived it. You grew up. You became handsome and a great person to know. We are all products of our past, right? I love seeing your videos. To hear you talk, to see your expressions. And I think "look at this amazing man, and how well he is doing now" . Being bisexual can be difficult. Because there isn't a box to put a bisexual person into. If one is straight, OK, if one is gay, OK, but bisexual? there isn't the community that is needed. Its a difficult situation. But now, with the internet, we all can find like minded people. . . I send you love, hugs and good energy. You are strong. You will continue to grow. == Steven

[@notdefining]

Oh man thank you so much as always for your kind, insightful, encouraging and supportive comments. I love reading them. All the love and gratitude back at you Steven. Big hugs x

[@jonnybuckwheat]

I second your comment! True words man. Very true

[@notdefining]

Hi Steven, I hope you're doing well my lovely friend. I remember you had expressed an interest in maybe joining our private members group once before. I just wanted to let you know that it's now live. We have one member so far and a couple of others planning to sign up soon. Once we get a small group I'm going to be planning group zoom calls and I'm also going to be publishing an exclusive intimate podcast on there just for patrons. I'm so glad to call you one of our community here on @notdefining - if at some point you were interested in joining the patreon group I would be delighted to see you but of course there is absolutely no obligation. Just an option if you would like to. It's patreon.com/notdefining. Sending much love to you and all the very best. Mark x

[@bask7580]

Thank you so much for sharing. I really understand the feeling of isolation.

[@notdefining]

Hey you're not isolated anymore okay? You're part of our family.

[@allanprimeau7864]

I can so relate to your story. I was born and raised in the mainly French-speaking Canadian province of Quebec of a French Canadian father and a German mother who met in Germany. I lived through linguistic tensions prior to the first secession Referendum in 1980. Families were torn apart. One was either federalist or separatist, French or English. I grew up in a household learning three languages, speaking English, French and German. I did not fit in. Now 54, while growing up nearly all my male classmates played hockey and some other sport. I loved school and was not very athletic, and I was told by some parents in my neighbourhood not to play with their sons around 1976, when I was eight up to the early 1980s when I was 12-13 because I looked lanky, effeminate and "gay." One father even asked me why I didn't play hockey, and said that boys should not be reading "too much" and like school so much, that was gay. I was then 8 years old. I later discovered volleyball and basketball. I am today 194 cm or 6ft4 and 3 quarters and weigh 97 kilos (about 210 pounds). It left scars and bad memories I shall never forget. In highschool I didn't have many friends and did not involve myself in extracurricular activities very much. I did study, and study some more. Going to college and university, things improved. Even though my 20s, 30s and my 40s, the sense of wanting to feel I belonged never waned. I was very unhappy. I did meet many people over the years, some long-term relationships and short-lived relationships . My life was turned upside down when I received a cancer diagnosis at 47, 4 years later a recurrence. Surrounding myself with people who truly love me and care about me, not only locally but overseas, - a support network has saved me, helped me to finally accept myself for who I am. Now at 54. I feel that I have lost so much time. I have never been so happy, though. I sometimes wish I could turn back the clock and be 30 again. I of course have professional support, including a Reiki Master. My medical team who closely monitors my health has been very supportive. You just need to reach out. It's your life.

[@notdefining]

Wow thank you so very much for sharing your beautiful and unique story. This is what I make videos for. So that we can all be promoted to share. Lots of people will read this and find encouragement so thank you.

[@chestercharlie6750]

Told a mate in college im gay he accepted me, same for someobs who thought was a friend, family not nice, had a friend thought wss a guy but a girk, think i was into her, then met a girl so figurex im bi, ca tell longet but maybe on twitter uf you really wanna know

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for sharing your story. How are you feeling about things now? And of course let us know on Twitter @notdefining. Sending so much love to you and thanks again for being visible 🙂

[@chestercharlie6750]

@@notdefining You ok if i message on twitter? easier to explain then youtube short txt

[@notdefining]

@@chestercharlie6750 You are more than welcome my friend.

[@sarangdeepsingh]

I have always identified as a gay man and but came out as bi last year but now i dont like men anymore and its scaring ne

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you for sharing this. This is actually more common that you might think, so don't worry. Tell me, you said it's scaring you. What are you scared of about it? I'm here to listen. Sending much love, Mark x

[@sarangdeepsingh]

@@notdefining Because i was a delicate boy, he used to make fun of me and you know call me gay and stuff, but then i told this to his mom, he apologised and we became friends. Over the course of years, we became best friends and i catched feelings for him. Back in 7th grade, i promised myself not to tell Sehaj i ever liked him till our school’s last year because i didn’t wanted to ruin our friendship, so i kept on poisoning myself for 7 years, cared for him deeply, but things never got off the ground and in fact our distance grew much after grade 8 because we didnt share the same class sections anymore.

[@sarangdeepsingh]

@@notdefining I could never understand his behaviour and whether he truly liked me so i started watching tarot on youtube, and that gave me a lot of insight to his behaviour cuz my reader was a psychologist but it also gave me false hope. And i started to believe our love will happen. It didn’t. And i used to cry for hours when i used to see his girlfriend and him on Instagram. Very badly. I was deeply hurt . I was hurt since grade 6 though it just kept getting worse over the years.

[@notdefining]

@@sarangdeepsingh Hey thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story my friend. My heart. How are you feeling about things now?

[@sarangdeepsingh]

@@notdefining i feel numb, i dont feel anything, it almost feels like that love didnt even happen, that i never loved him or cared about him. Im just, he looks like a random guy to me now. I used to be obsessed and love him dearly and now it feels all fake i dont know how. When i see two men kissing, i get numb i feel nothing, sometimes weirded out too. My heart doesnt flutters like it used to when i used to see men kiss or have sex. Its all numb in my brain