How I REALLY Knew I Was Lesbian Not Bisexual || Xanthe van der Gulik

[@XanthevanderGulik]

👀what part of this video could you relate to the most??? 👆subscribe for more videos every week! 💬 comment below! 👇

[@inspiringviolet184]

the getting annoyed when girls that you “think-are-pretty-and-nice-but-only-in-a-friend/sister-way” have boyfriends, and brushing it off as maybe you’re just jealous of her 😂😭✋

[@AmandavanderGulik]

Being there when I told you I was gay! 🙃😆

[@XanthevanderGulik]

😂😂😂

[@abhipsahazra9741]

Definitely the watching lesbian couples on youtube and having crushes on tv show characters

[@fujoshiotaku5832]

Fictional men and the idealistic man in my head is really making me question if I'm bi or a lesbian

[@XanthevanderGulik]

Yes, that can be really confusing… maybe try to think if you would want to be with a real man in a relationship. Would you like to hold hands, go on dates, call him your boyfriend? It might help to think about real life situations 😁

[@DerrickWhite-xe7ij]

I apologize for them.

[@lil_weasel219]

Try to imagine if these fictional men were suddenly real, how would you feel about dating them. To minimise confounders imagine them as non-sexist

[@0neyetmany-0]

same

[@ApersonnamedPon]

FR.

[@abhipsahazra9741]

I have been questioning my sexuality for a year now and am still not sure .I am still confused between bisexual and lesbian...but i feel like 'queer' sounds right for me. And the 'L' word scares me...because i think it's very exclusive.I know that there's no need to label myself one thing or another...but still i feel like i need to...or rather i want to...and i think if i come out to my family then they would probably think that i am just too young to know.They aren't homophobic, but still they would have never though that someone in their family is LGBTQ . I dont feel like i would be coming out to them any time soon. I would probably take years for me to properly figure out...and i can't even go out and experiment in this pandemic 😵

[@cocowavs]

I'm in my late 30s and realized a while back that I'm not ace/bi but actually lesbian, because when I really look back at relationships with the very few males I've dated, I really felt nothing for them. I think I've dated more girls, and actually had crushes on them. My gay awakening shows as a young girl were definitely Sailor Moon (esp Haruka, Michiru and Makoto) and Ready or Not (the 90s coming of age tv show not the movie) I love Busy and Amanda and related to them both, and had a huuuge crush on Chrissy.

[@XanthevanderGulik]

I am so happy that you have come to terms with your sexual orientation and that you feel comfortable in that💕 I love hearing about people who have discovered themselves and feel comfortable in their own skin 💕

[@DerrickWhite-xe7ij]

I'm sorry but I'm Same way. I felt that way. And I'm Gay...

[@aprillynn6221]

Another thing is if you don't have the urge to kiss guys. (Or if you see one and the thought of kissing or sex doesn't even cross your mind.) Or if your female friends are always checking out guys and you think they're exaggerating about "hotness." --That's how I learned I was asexual.

[@em_ma326]

I’m 14 and bi but questioning if I’m les or not I haven’t liked a guy in a while. Still not sure how to tell my parents thx for this video love ur content❤

[@haydenjanes1421]

im a lesbian too! lesbian club!!!!!!!!!

[@SalomeTheGreat]

My big issue is I have had many crushes on guys, but am often disgusted by them (kissing / going down) because I’ll date and have shallow feelings for them. I can fantasize about a man I KNOW I like but once it gets physical in any capacity = disgusted. I have only dated one guy who I found “not gross” and that was the most positive experience I’ve had. I was more turned on by the positions I was in during sex than the guy I was having sex with. Am I gaaaay or is it sexual disgust due to the fact I am autistic? I fear dating a woman because I’m afraid I’ll have the same experience (experiencing disgust).

[@victoriageorgopoulou4292]

Representation (and lack of representation in some places/circumstances) ...i think that you have nailed down some of the important issues here...I agree with the title of your jumper

[@XanthevanderGulik]

Thank you!! 😁

[@angelofnerdz676]

It's always the tomboys!! When I was young I had a crush on a mlp character that's named Rainbow dash and I was OBSESSED with her! And then I watched Kill la Kill and I was attracted to the main character and I still am obsessed with masc or tomboyish girls! When people started to say most of the tomboys I liked were straight, I would get so pissed and frustrated. 😂

[@ryanheart.mp3]

Thank you for sharing your journey! :) 🌈

[@moonlightstargem1006]

When my focus of attraction always goes towards the female in every tv show and song etc…but i push it down & convince myself i like the male. And i never did. It was just infatuation. I love women ❤like i love her. I’m in love with her. I want to love her. I want her in my future! She’s my motivation. Believing i will have a wife someday is my motivation to keep going. I had a crush on hannah montana and my first kiss was with a girl who looked like hannah montana ❤ more like full on make out session!!

[@ismiregalichkochdasjetztso3232]

While I am mostly attracted to women, there were those three or so men in my llife I was actually romantically interested in, one of which I ended having sex with - and liking it. Maybe lesbian leaning, but looking at it honestly, I'm bi.

[@graceb2048]

Same, oh my gosh someone with a similar experience as me!! It took a while to accept that I like girls, but i also struggled because I definitely have had romantic and sexual feelings for guys, about 3 or so just like you. I even came out to my family as a lesbian because I doubted my very real feelings for guys, but then decided I was bi after diving deeper. I guess now I just don’t like labels, if I find someone, I find someone.

[@AmandavanderGulik]

Your new membership sounds AMAZING!!! Can't wait to join! Loved the stories you shared, even as you mom, i learned new things about you kiddo. I love you so much and I'm so proud of the loving support you give everyone everyday of your life! I have a name idea for your membership "Xanthe's Safe Space" 💖🤗

[@XanthevanderGulik]

I love that idea! 🥰

[@AmandavanderGulik]

😘

[@DerrickWhite-xe7ij]

What helped me was just wondering about it then doing it that Nite. Felt no shame.

[@butterballarts8715]

Well now I know for sure I’m not straight but I’m still not exactly sure if I’m ether bi or gay

[@XanthevanderGulik]

I’m so glad you could find out that one piece! Just take time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. It’s okay to not know right away🥰

[@lil_weasel219]

For me it was easy, i felt nothing for male people in that way, and any fantasy was a fantasy of social prestige and nothing else. figuring out the “gray ace vs allo with sensory issues” thing was much harder. it took figuring out im autistic with bipolar II, to realise allo with some sex repulsion (due to sensory issues) might be a better fit. That was real hard to figure out, and took observing my feelings over a period of more than a decade.

[@aaashrae]

I would like to see some tips on how to find lgbtqia community after you are out of highschool

[@XanthevanderGulik]

I can definitely do that! Thanks for the suggestion! 😁

[@tarynriver]

It’s funny had to pause when you were talking about tv shows cause I went the opposite path with that and was like oh well they look like lesbians but they are dating guys I guess you’re just supposed to like guys also I dressed more girly cause I wanted to fit in but was just as happy wearing non feminine clothes actually probably preferred it I feel like most people saw me as pretty fem because of that but I felt like I more related to the Tom boy girls inside just didn’t want to be bullied like I had been I tried everything I could to not stand out cause I didn’t wanna be bullied or seen as weird

[@XanthevanderGulik]

I’m sorry you felt that you couldn’t be yourself. I hope that now you dress how you want to dress and you feel more comfortable in yourself

[@tarynriver]

@@XanthevanderGulik definitely a lot more myself now as an adult coming out later I’m working on breaking those habits tik tok and fb have definitely helped great communities on there

[@XanthevanderGulik]

So happy to hear that! You deserve to feel comfortable and happy with who you are🥰

[@littlemintleaf]

once i realized loving a woman was an option, was life changing. compulsory heteronormativity is such a hard thing to overcome. it permeates every facet of your life in the most subtle of ways and even every conversation you’ve ever had that remotely involves romance. i always thought there was something wrong with me, why couldn’t i just be normal and be attracted to men (of course wanting their attention but not wanting to be involved with them as a means of feeling validated

[@XanthevanderGulik]

This is amazing 💕 thank you for sharing this. I am so very happy that you have found yourself 💕you are a beautiful human no matter what.

[@DerrickWhite-xe7ij]

Exactly like with Guys that I have been with.

[@DerrickWhite-xe7ij]

Same And me needed to and I know about who i was. Buti am from a Small Southern Town. Ju😂I trying Survive... and I knew cause I Having a look see Mwah Derrick

[@juliexx21]

Glad to find this channel.. N I really love how you explain through your experience. Your voice is so calming. Keep it up. You got a new subscriber ❤️🌈

[@XanthevanderGulik]

Awwwww thank you so very much🥰 you are so sweet! Happy I could make you happy!

[@stevie_M]

Hi I’m so interested in your new program your starting Xanthe.🥰

[@XanthevanderGulik]

Thank Stephen!!!! I’m so excited to be able to share it with you! (I’m also so excited for you to get your beautiful human shirt!)🙃😁🥰 have a lovely evening!

[@stevie_M]

Thanks 🙏

[@sophiaprincess3552]

It helped so much thx-pretty sure im lesbian now tho-

[@aprilfn5745]

thanks ive been wondering if i was les or bi and helped me

[@XanthevanderGulik]

I’m so so happy to hear that!!! 🥰🤗

[@canofworms7603]

This helped alot thanks!

[@XanthevanderGulik]

So happy it did!🤗

[@Scott39395]

Did you kick your shoes off like some people do

[@firerain2230]

How u knew you accepted it?

[@XanthevanderGulik]

Honeslty it took me a long time to except it, but I found some other friends who were in the LGBT+ community and it helped me accept myself 😁

[@0x1steffi]

I don’t get the title of this video tho, you obviously never questioned if you liked guys.

[@virgilmcclendon5072]

😎😃😊😜😍😘💖

[@beckheorshepls5397]

Your life sounds like a lesbian TV show

[@AleesatheIsraeli]

I get you on the Tomboy part but just dont assume a girl like you ie=crushes and leave Straight or Allies alone 😢. I remember liking a girl and being called a Dyke etc. Every girl deserves respect straight or lgbtq its just those..girls. Alot of girls are open to lgbtq...and dont mind my sexuality. My and/or my wifes sexuality doesnt define us its funny people dont know we are a couple. How can you have intimacy without sex as a teen? How to have your GF over night without alerting your parents your dating a girl?.....

[@XanthevanderGulik]

I’m not sure what you mean by this comment, but I definitely want to clarify that I don’t assume every girl who is tomboyish is gay, I just had crushes on more masculine girls at that time. Hope that makes sense🙃 sorry if I offended you in any way!

[@deanm9652]

You walked by a fish market and got wet?

[@cupcake5854]

As a (possibly) gay woman, you are going to hell 😂😂😂

[@BokunoRico]

​@@cupcake5854I agree XD

[@rachelschendel2476]

👃Good morning ladies