How I SELF DIAGNOSED my own AUTISM

Bonus Episode - How I made this Mind Map: / bonus-all-tiers-103587309
🐱Join the Autisti-cats: • 🧡 Announcing The Scrat...
Last week, we discussed self-autism diagnosis - and this week, I'm going to show you how mine started. (Clue: It wasn't via a TikTok video).
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Bookclub playlist: • Tea & Tails
🔗 Related Links:
5 Benefits of Adult Autism Diagnosis: • FIVE Benefits of Adult...
5 Downsides of Adult Autism Diagnosis: • FIVE Downsides of Adul...
👥 The Comment Section is OPEN!
I welcome all perspectives! Join the conversation in the comments below and share your experiences and thoughts!
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👨‍⚖️ Disclaimer:
I am not a healthcare professional or psychotherapist. If you are watching this and feel that you need immediate mental health support, please see the list of mental health helplines at [HelpGuide.org](helpguide.org/) here:
www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm
If you have met one autistic (and or ADHD) person, you have met one person. This is a spectrum condition, and many traits may be different, or have alternative explanations for your symptoms. If in doubt, refer to a psychologist, and not a KZbinr.
Self-diagnosis is valid!
- -
Chapters:
00:01: Hold your keyboards
04:50: Am I Autistic?
28:30: Autists generally RESEARCH MODE
31:00: Become an Autisti-cat

[@Autistic_AF]

Hey friends, I've put together a bonus video on Patreon covering how I made and used this mind map to outline my 'binder' in advance of my first diagnosis appointment. The video goes deeper into this mind map and it is personal, perhaps a little too much for KZbin. So it's on Patreon - and you can download a high resolution PNG in The Scratching Post members discord: www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-all-tiers-103587309 Also; This is SimpleMind.

[@nananana-ph6rj]

Another commentor made a great point - have you been checked for fragile x syndrome? Your ears and headshape look typical for that disorder

[@dukenukem8381]

I created a mind map - say no more.

[@Autistic_AF]

The mind map was just the start - I find it a helpful way to throw down ideas and thoughts and wiggle them around until they fit where they belong!

[@Otura76]

😂 thanks

[@QwerAsdf-dx4rd]

exactly XD

[@Kauffy901]

Exactly what I was about to say-- the moment you think "Mindmap!" you have your answer.

[@NeurodivergentMom]

😂😂😂 so true. If you saw my journal and the number of mind maps 😮😊

[@anoukk_]

"now I created this mind-map when I wasn't sure if I was autistic" and I audibly laughed

[@Autistic_AF]

I see it now! 🤣

[@justinwebb3117]

I guffawed! That mind map, it says every thing!! 😂🗺️👍

[@vazzaroth]

Same and same that this is how I approach complex topics as well lol.

[@TheAwesomes2104]

Every autistic person who self-daignosed first: "Here's the entire book I made to figure out if I'm autistic."

[@laneyarcade]

I accidently deleted mine 🎢🕳

[@octiiuwu]

@@TheAwesomes2104 lmao, I made a list with 64 autistic traits I related to 😂

[@paavohirn3728]

I only wrote a couple of pages of notes. Such an underperformer. 😔

[@VerumSpina]

OmG, My book has 20 pages now and I goint to the half of it 😅

[@EsmereldaPea]

"There's something here that isn't a BROKEN thing. It's a different thing." Spot on.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, EsmereldaPea 🧡

[@VirtualTrucker74]

Autistic AF "I created this mind map....." Proceeds to show a map even the most seasoned london tube driver would have nightmares about. Me "Yep, your autistic lol" I was 49 years old when I discovered I was autistic (self diagnosed), when I revealed this to my friends pratically all of them were amazed that I didn't already know this 🤣 yes I'd known I'd always been different to everyone else, I'd just put it down to having a quirky personality.

[@Autistic_AF]

Your comment made me laugh so much I nearly spat my tea out everywhere. Yes - it's funny how people around us can see things that we might miss. Are any of them neurodivergent too?

[@VirtualTrucker74]

@@Autistic_AF Nope, at least as far as I know they aren't, although I do have to force myself to stop secretly analysing them though. I've been doing so much research recently that even my neighbours cat is showing traits lol.

[@tc4327]

omg--i, literally, was just commenting on the autistic nature of his mind map for self diagnosis. So true!

[@thisnthat42]

LOL, I read the video title and saw the thumbnail and I'm no doctor but I feel like the signs may be there. ;)

[@ggad1899]

ADHD do things like the map, too.

[@withyoctopus]

That map! I wrote a 16 page essay (including a table of contents and a page of sources) about my traits and examples from my life. I sorted them by age and type. I took the AQ, CAT-Q, RAADS-R and listened to hours of medical panels about autism as well as autistic people on social media. I needed the official diagnosis because of all the aggression and gaslighting I received as soon as I tried talking about it to ANYONE. I can't understand why people are so ignorant about topics they aren't educated about. Especially, the gatekeeping done by other auDHD women was puzzling to me. And by medical professionals who weren't experts on autism.

[@Autistic_AF]

🧡

[@jaymondo]

You're so not alone, I hope that things change, but my daughter is going through this also.

[@withyoctopus]

@@jaymondo Yes, it did. My diagnosis made it possible for me to talk about my auDHD. Therefore it's easier to communicate about differences. Of course, not everyone is open to it. Some people will be discriminatory without admitting it to themselves. But it's still better.

[@blueviolets2022]

Same here, all the things. 😊

[@lanitagrice7644]

I've realized the novel I've been working on for several years is becoming a document indicating my own autism!

[@arch8ngel0]

Audibly laughed when i saw the title and thumbnail, then watched to take notes on optimal mind mapping. Your design is equally beautiful and functional btw im impressed

[@Autistic_AF]

Awh thank you!! ☺️ 🧡

[@oiytd5wugho]

When they have those additional notes about things that indicate autism, like "person often asks for clarification when filling out an AQ questionnaire," they should add "person came into the office with a colour-coded mind map" to it

[@oiytd5wugho]

3:20 oof, you'd be surprised. You basically had to play a perfect persona they expect in order to be "allowed" to be trans, back when I had my "assessments" (you still have to in most places.) It's really hard for autistic people, because your access to resources can depend on your ability to mask. Being gay is no longer a mental illness, but "you should have that confirmed by a shrink" wasn't an uncommon rebuttal in the olden days when someone came out as gay

[@oiytd5wugho]

Also, I'm stealing your mind map ideas. I was gonna just have notes but this might be more convincing since I might write too concisely for some people

[@woodookitty]

are you reading directly from my psych report LOL

[@Autistic_AF]

😂

[@Autistic_AF]

Take from whatever you need - and thank you for sharing your own experiences; it’s an interesting crossover between trans and autism assessments.

[@heatherbrasher2590]

I haven't been formally diagnosed but I realized that a lot of my life/experiences would make a hell of a lot more sense if i was autistic after I got with my current fiance. He was diagnosed with Aspergers back when it was kind of a separate thing from autism. Like, i was telling him about how I can't stand bright lights, specific noises and textures, hating getting touched unexpectedly or by someone i don't know well enough etc and he was like, oh I have autism too. I was like "...wait what?"😂

[@Visible.Friend]

Mike, Your MIndMap is as big as your heart. Yup, when you give your doctor a massive binder of research, it's a tad obvious what kind of brain you have. I love your videos, you can see all the work you put into each topic. You have a great way of putting things together for us to easily digest. hUgz, Lee

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Lee. Your support means a lot to me. -Mike

[@fredflintstone904]

Just after I was formally diagnosed, I asked for and got a referral to a counselor to help me better understand possible ramifications, possible issues, possible ameliorations, etc. That counselor's first statement was "You know, you might just be introverted." I figured I was much better off doing my own research rather than trying to find a professional who might be helpful. I'm sure they exist, but...

[@mr_cupcakes1808]

damn that's a very bad counselor... I'd just go "you do know I'm formally diagnosed, right?" and walk away not everyone is ready to deal with autism, some people are even less ready than most (that's why I'm postponing a formal investigation) sorry for your experience

[@VirtualTrucker74]

This is the very reason I'm not currently chasing an official diagnosis. The fact that these so-called professionals practically make up their minds on less than 30 seconds of interactions with you.

[@Autistic_AF]

Hey Fred, I'm so sorry that you didn't get a neuro-affirmative therapist - especially following a formal diagnosis. They are out there, but in relatively short supply -Mike

[@fredflintstone904]

@@Autistic_AF - I wasn't surprised. I've had so many professionals say things like "You can't be ADD, you are a programmer" or "You are too well functioning to have ADD" I knew it would be worse when I brought up autism instead of ADD. I really liked the psychiatrist who asked me if I really wanted to be treated for my ADD because I might get depressed when I found out how screwed up my life was.

[@karenholmes6565]

I sought a diagnosis through an agency that helps people with developmental disorders. They paid for my assessment. Part of why I went that route is that they know all of the shortcuts and can deal with the paperwork around getting services. I don't drive, for example. You might be able to access more support if there is such an organization where you live.

[@rustyscrapper]

I went to google and typed in "symptoms of autism" I have 100% of them as an adult, teenager and child. Self diagnosis complete. The health care system has no way to profit from autism.

[@skelenigma]

So true! And people will talk about all the “treatments” you’re “taking” from diagnosed autistics. Like ?????? wtf you talking about???

[@Shortman5241]

Honestly, the only thing i suggest you do now, if you havent already, is to look at your government's guidelines and criterion for autism. Thats what i did as an undiagnosed (self diagnosed) autistic person (cdc.gov is where i went. I also looked at other countries guidelines and they almost all use the dsm-V

[@tjzambonischwartz]

I didn't have a period of "Self-diagnosis" before I was handed a piece of paper telling me I was autistic, and in a way I'm jealous of those who had that period of self-discovery, because it's something that would have been profoundly useful in my situation.

[@Autistic_AF]

That's actually unusual dude. You've got plenty of time for self-discovery; I don't think this period ever really ends once it's started. It's like a fire, or a flood, or... cleaning Hydra's litter tray. It never ends.

[@Otura76]

I am sorry to hear that it was just handed to you that way.

[@tjzambonischwartz]

@@Otura76it's a tad more complicated than that (suspicions from family members, gaslighting from medical professionals, all sorts of twists on the road getting there) but that's the general gist. I'll probably make a video about it at some point. It's a tragedy of errors.

[@Visible.Friend]

TJ, was a raw deal. Sorry you went thru that.

[@DeviRuto]

@@Autistic_AF I was actually surprised by my diagnosis as well. I always thought I was just naturally obnoxious, my therapist just saw the signs and suggested the diagnosis.

[@yundorphin]

That mindmap is amazing. Yesterday, I worked on revising my own document, and I decided to change the format to a style of communication that is much better for me - paragraphs and narratives. I feel like many of us who are late-diagnosed go through a process of self-expression and self-discovery and it is fascinating to me how we each choose to document it in our own unique ways. I've also saved screenshots and quotes I might try go incorporate into the doc one day. Thanks for inspiring me to keep adding to it and validating my self-reflection.

[@Kamishi845]

I was thinking the same thing. I pretty much formatted my document like a narrative story broken up into the two core DSM components. I can't think visual in this way, it's one areas I'm extremely weak in. It's one reason I hate going to the capitol because it also uses a subway system overlapped with intercity train commuting and bus routes, and I hate trying to make sense of where to go there. But I think I'm at least a half-decent writer/storyteller when it comes to text, I know how to make a text flow, be easy to read and express emotion well, so that's what I stuck with.

[@RebekahAmberClark]

That part about the auristic brain giving equal weight to all the different sights and sounds at a busy train station - how on earth could a brain NOT do it that way?? T_T

[@Autistic_AF]

I KNOW!! Rebekah - I thought everyone was the same, but just “better” at it than me. Like they were newer computers and I was an older model struggling to draw the graphics on the screen fast enough to be usable.

[@karenholmes6565]

I do something a bit different. I get tunnel vision. I ignore almost everything around me except what I am focusing on. My way of filtering things is to just ignore everything. That's why I get startled so easily.

[@moonyfruit]

​@karenholmes6565 I do this as well as have the equal weight, it depends on so much which one it is. Though, I also suspect I am autistic with ADHD.

[@mybirdsofparadise]

Self-diagnosed at 42! So many things I struggled (and struggle) make sense now. So liberating, and yes, a bit sad too, for half of life i couldn’t understand myself or felt ashamed why i am so not like normal people.

[@daffodil614]

I have just got my diagnosis today, NOT after self-diagnosis, and it's all been quite a shock. After 30 years in mental health services, including years being detained in secure hospitals, a new care coordinator told me a couple of months ago she thought I might be autistic. The diagnosis has been confirmed today - as well as removing my personality disorder diagnosis. Still in shock. I think self-identification first would probably have made this a gentler process, but on the other hand I'm glad I didn't have to wait a long time on a waiting list, or have to collate all the information together for someone to diagnose me.

[@Autistic_AF]

CONGRATULATIONS, Daffodil. On multiple fronts. You're not alone. Do something nice for yourself. -Mike

[@karenholmes6565]

I wish I had that happen to me 20 yrs ago. I decided to quit therapy because it wasn't helpful. I am so happy for you! My niece has a bunch of mental health diagnoses. I told her she should tell them about my autism because I feel she should be evaluated. Women often get the wrong diagnosis

[@saintessa]

Yeah, I'm concerned for my mother who's 60. I was diagnosed adhd as an adult - mums seeing a lot of those traits in herself but also autism. But there is the confronting thoughts of "how much of this makes one asd/I have SOME of the traits/I wouldn't tell anyone/what would the benefit of diagnosis be?"

[@withyoctopus]

For a diagnosis of autism, you need at least one trait of each category (social, sensory, repetitive) in each part of your life. (toddlerhood, school, university, early adult, later adult... as much as you can remember). That's actually enough and really easy to collect when you're autistic. I had the same thoughts of "is it enough?" before I knew that.

[@withyoctopus]

My great-uncle had a similar experience. But I didn't think he was ever diagnosed. He lived and died in a home for the criminally insane. I have only seen him once. He very much looked like an auDHD person. But noone seemed to be interested in diagnosing him.

[@wendyheaton1439]

For me the time of self diagnosis and research was a vital part of my acceptance journey. I wouldn't have gone for formal diagnosis without it. I'm still on the journey and keep discovering more about the colours of my spectrum...

[@Autistic_AF]

Wendy, always a pleasure to see you! Yes, me too. I was contemplating - and it was around this time that I put myself on a waiting list. While on the list I went even deeper - more details will be shared in the Autisticat Scratching Post community, it’s a bit too private for general KZbin! -Mike

[@AspieMemoires]

The part that sucks with diagnosis, is that so many ‘official’ places require it to treat you properly. Without it they have zero patience or understanding, the moment you have the diagnosis THEN they go “Oh okay” and are suddenly patient or give you space to do what you have to to manage your condition. Most of us just really want to know the ‘Why’ we do stuff. Understand our roots so we can properly handle them how we need to. So much focus on diagnosis, leaves little room to focus on the really important bits of it. Why we do stuff, how we do it, and what can we do to help manage ourselves to have a healthy life?

[@Autistic_AF]

Why, how and what - Exactly! 🧡☺️

[@Flopsi80]

We ourselves have to understand the why, how and what. Because we know ourselves best.

[@maede3786]

I'm sure others have mentioned this in the comments already - your comparison between getting a formal diagnosis and the process of formalising a relationship through a marriage ceremony is incredibly on point and also puts such a good spotlight on the difficulties still faced by (self- and late-diagnosed) autistic people today. We all should take your words in that part of the video to the effect of "You can be in a committed relationship without being married and having a piece of paper to prove it. Similarly you can be autistic without having gotten a formal autism diagnosis and having that piece of paper to prove it." and post it as a quote in every last place we can.

[@krillin6]

I have autism, but my ADHD tends to mask it, so I was told 'you're borderline' instead of getting an autism diagnosis. Also, half of anyone with autism or ADHD have both. My ADHD stinks, but my autism is what really hurts my relationships.

[@MsHazelie]

Same..I was told I have too good of eye contact and back and forth in conversation to have autism by the diagnostician. She diagnosed me with ADHD innatenive type with avoidant traits and somaticazation. This was after diagnosing my son with Autism. After extensive research and self-examination, I have self diagnosed as AudHD. I was labeled "gifted" in school and did test with a high IQ. I also, I'm certain, have CPTSD from both childhood trauma and two abusive long term relationships. My Mother was diagnosed bipolar and institutionalized every year or so during my childhood. She spent years in therapy and on various medications and is still the same, only better because due to her age, financial and physical limitations, she rarely leaves her house anymore and can tune her environment to suit her. I have always been afraid of acting like her so I hyper focused on appearing as even-keeled, "normal", and functional as possible at all times-in public. And thought of myself as quite the introvert with possible social anxiety since peopling wore me out so much. But now I realize, it's the overwhelm of information and the exhaustion of masking that drains me so much when around people.

[@colbyboucher6391]

I'm curious, do you think you were more obviously autistic when you were quite young? Because I've been wonderif if I've got ADHD recently but when I was a kid I was pretty clasically autistic.

[@Tilly850]

My doc, when I told her I figured out I am AuDHD asked if I can "cope". I said I have for 66 years. She then moved on and it was totally like it didn't matter. There will be no diagnosis for me, but my lists are similar to your map...comprehensive and backed by personal data. I don't have a learning disability, in fact the opposite. So, there's only the self-knowledge and awareness of the various ways I can support and advocate for myself when necessary. Knowing helps me understand my differences and how I need to set boundaries. That I am not "broken" because certain things affect me differently. It's important to know. Not important for ME to be diagnosed unless I CAN get or need supportive help...which I can't. I too thought I was broken or wrong and baffled at why I couldn't do what they did. Thanks for the cool map.

[@EzriKaiRaven]

Most of this is exactly my experience. I'm "introverted" until I'm around people who accept me (or I Believe they accept me). Otherwise I'm by myself learning about something or reading or daydreaming so I'm hopefully off bullies radar. Fawning is suuuuch a big thing too.

[@amberthomson7847]

I never comment but I have decided to today just to say thank you for diving 🐠into such interesting topics around autism which such great care and compassion. Your communication style has help me process my own journey. Thank you and keep up the good work 🐱

[@Autistic_AF]

Hey Amber, thank YOU so much for such a lovely comment. You're going to make me cry, seriously! I'm so, so pleased that I've been able to help you with your self-discovery. It's such an honour. Thank you. -Mike

[@towzone]

You need a professional to tell you what you know, but not enough professionals are available who know ANYTHING about autism, especially when you are 50, and the professionals you have found didn’t even realize that adults can have autism. That’s my experience.

[@papercrowpress]

Omg yes

[@Touay.]

@towzone indeed. the breadth and depth of ignorance and incompetence in the MH community wrt to autism is staggering.

[@Elizabeth-if7pw]

From what I've read online there is no money to be made with adult autism diagnosis. Most of the therapies and things run their course when people are children. I've been trying for years to get my son diagnosed and he's super smart so they dont really seem to care.

[@toomworld]

Late life diagnosis has me flashing back to the thousands of times I was told I was “too sensitive” to “stop overthinking everything” and asked “what drugs are you on”

[@ArtfulRe]

I honestly want an official diagnosis just to hopefully be taken seriously by family members. I'm afraid they just wouldn't believe me.

[@Autistic_AF]

I see you. This was part of my decision making, also.

[@mellyo7262]

I hear you, I feel the same way…

[@resourcedragon]

I want an official diagnosis because I would like more formal workplace accommodation and an automatic medical certificate if I'm asked to do jury duty. The way jury duty works where I live is that a bunch of people is paneled every 6 weeks or so. Then they get assigned to a group, A, B or C (or similar). You don't find out until comparatively late at night whether your group is required the next day. Even if your group is required, you don't know if you will be selected for that day's jury. So if you need routine, or at the very least, some warning, this is _really_ stressful. And if you live alone and you have pets to care for, that is an added stress: if the jury is still deliberating at the end of the day then they like to put them in an hotel, rather than let them go home and so I am stressing about who is going to feed my cats. Even without pets there's the stress of not knowing where you are going to be that evening, what you are going to wear the next day, etc, etc.

[@Idellphany]

My son was just diagnosed, and that process really opened my eyes... I do alot of the things he does.. 😅

[@alyssamonkey714]

Very thorough, thank you! Your map is much cleaner than my random scribbles in a mini notebook. Tho it’s perfect for all those random times I go, “yea that felt autistic of me - add it to the list.”

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Alyssa. I'm glad it was helpful :-)

[@karenholmes6565]

I received my diagnosis yesterday. I am officially autistic! I walked into the neurological psychologist's office completely allistic and I emerged a bona fide autistic person! These people who do not believe in self diagnosis are really telling on themselves. I think it is a bit of ableism if I am going to be perfectly honest. It is giving me the vibes of those who question who uses the handicapped parking spaces. As if you can tell by looking at someone if they are disabled. There are plenty of disabilities that cannot be seen or perceived without special tools and skillsets, and the first step in perceiving them is to ask someone what their symptoms are. I wonder if these people go through life completely oblivious to their own state of being. Seeking diagnosis for autism is a bit like seeking a diagnosis for a cold. It can be verified by a doctor but once it is discovered there is little they're gonna do for you other than tell you how to relieve your symptoms. Most of us do not run to the doctor when we get a stuffy nose. For those who might think self diagnosis is problematic, especially other autistic people, unless you were spotted as a kid most of us had to self diagnose before we sought official diagnosis. I read that self diagnosis seems to be hugely accurate if we look at the numbers of people who ask to be diagnosed. I have read in different places it is between 80 and 90%. I haven't seen self diagnosed people talking over diagnosed autistic folks. When I was self diagnosed I was just seeking ways to make my life easier. Why would that be problematic for anyone?

[@Autistic_AF]

Karen - CONGRATULATIONS 🎉🎉 ONE OF US* :-) *Although you always were.

[@amarinegripond1915]

At 70, self diagnosis is both liberating, validating, and something to work with, or allow myself to work less.... and very sad... because I missed out on so much... but then, doesn't anyone, neurotypical, or neurodivergent, have some mourning to do... at 70.

[@coreblaster6809]

❤️

[@jenny_k]

Going through the same process at 74, I sympathise. It's a confused mixture of emotions.

[@amarinegripond1915]

@@jenny_k Thank you so much... I was feeling a bit unique here...

[@Autistic_AF]

🧡

[@Jen-CelticWarrior]

Yes! It helped to explain so much about me and my life.

[@LisaAnnOberbrunner]

Thank you so much for being so supportive.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Lisa for your kind words. You are the kindest! 🧡

[@enolp]

I was self diagnosed for almost a year and a half before just barely being formally diagnosed. At the time of the diagnostic appointment I had a 56-page pdf of lists of my traits, experiences, and research, which I sent to my diagnostician. Self-diagnosis led me to greater personal understanding and to a professional diagnosis, which is why I appreciate it

[@Autistic_AF]

Exactly! We don't come along this path lightly, like choosing a flavour of ice cream (which, realistically we already knew what we wanted well in advance anyway!) -Mike

[@minyakult]

I didn't realize it then but when I first met the father of my 9yr old student, he expressed worries for his son, since the father diagnosed late as an adult. I rly dread talking to most parents but I still remember how I light up chatting with him (mostly introversion as a disadvantage in a classroon with other extroverted kids, noises, etc). Even when I shared the encounter with a close colleague, they didn't seem as excited as I was. I knew all bout ADHD then, but barely on autism, till later the same year I experienced the worst burnout.

[@Autistic_AF]

We seem to have a propensity to find one another; connection runs much more smoothly between neurodivergents than across the ND-NT border. -Mike

[@ewestner]

"Read about topics such as volcanoes, meteorology, and transport systems." I did a project about volcanoes in 4th grade and just finished reading a book about hurricanes three hours ago. I feel seen. 😊

[@Catlily5]

I loved earth science in 8th grade especially volcanos.

[@clicheguevara5282]

I was obsessed with volcanoes as a kid and eventually moved to the Big Island of Hawaii, where we have several. I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years after that though. My attraction to Hawaii was one of many things that suddenly made a lot of sense. Lol

[@ewestner]

​@clicheguevara5282 Man, I want to go to Hawaii sooooooo badly! Hopefully I'll get there soon!

[@clicheguevara5282]

@@ewestner I really hope you can!! It’s a magical place even without the volcano, but seeing that lava is just something else. Every time I go to Kilauea, it’s an intense experience. The Big Island is also very “autistic friendly” because it’s huge and sparsely populated. It’s not overstimulating and crowded like Honolulu. The Big Island has the most diverse environment on earth. We have jungles, deserts, rainforests, deciduous forests, tropical beaches, volcanoes, and snow capped mountains. You can literally go snowboarding and surfing in the same afternoon. It’s a really fascinating place. You’d love it!

[@csmatthew]

thanks for introducing me to this tool, it's a great way to digitally store all those scraps of paper I have lying around into something which is more structured. I may have spent the past five hours setting out my personal configuration.

[@Autistic_AF]

Glad it was helpful!

[@PossumMedic]

Creating the mind map *should be* the diagnosis! 🤣 It's hard if you can't afford a full diagnosis. It feels like my brain is wired to need one to say that I'm autistic😔 It feels like if I don't have a formal diagnosis workplaces won't take my accommodations seriously 😔 It feels like I'm stuck in limbo it's so frustrating 😠 Great vid! Thank you!

[@Autistic_AF]

Hey PossumMedic - it really is difficult - and expensive, and slow. You are not alone. 🧡

[@PossumMedic]

@@Autistic_AF ❤

[@rainbo777]

I would absolutely show up for a video about what to expect when seeking diagnosis as an adult (I am on a waiting list) !!

[@Autistic_AF]

Okay! Definitely.

[@dfragglet]

I have this drive and need to know me and my struggles. I had a ADHD triage assessment that was very dismissive and kept pointing me to autism. I got a triage appointment for autism and resulted in being further dismissed because I have existing conditions and too many ACE's. I'm now looking to get help with my ACE's but a therapist suggested I may have PDA. I'm tired of trying to fight for my self and seeking support. Coming up against apathetic people who don't want to listen. At the moment when relevant I state "I have symptoms consistent with Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, ADHD and Autism" because I only have a diagnosis of half of those conditions. Neurodiverse services and support of adults needs improving significantly in the UK .

[@gregorde]

So much of this is relatable as an adhd person. I get the sense that autism and adhd are more closely related than they may seem.

[@cecil937]

When I self-diagnosed autism, it actually made things easier for me. I started training myself in body language and social queues once I was sure I wasn’t just “weird.” Nowadays, my psychiatrist is getting me an ADHD assessment and an autism assessment!

[@PlanetZhooZhoo]

What an amazing piece of work. Mind maps weren't a thing when I was at school and I was only introduced to the concept during my doctorate. I never really gelled with them though, I still do lists!

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you!

[@sidarthur8706]

one of the GPs in a long series of them refused to refer me to a specialist because he thought that at my stage in life a diagnosis would be unhelpful and if i wasn't diagnosed in childhood then i'm barking up the wrong tree anyway (i've never understood this pun but that's by the by). two years later i was subjected to ten months of continuous ableist abuse from a 'support' worker who had a so called duty of care towards me. when people don't follow my clear and precise instructions it creates serious problems for me and i can never get this through to anyone. anyway with my moaning over i wanted to say that this is an impressive piece of work and is obviously going to be of great use to anyone who studies it

[@Ninsidhe]

Australia and NZ are those two countries, not sure about the rest of the world. Here in Oz it was the process of supporting my offspring that eventually led me to realising that I too was Autistic- I knew it for my _offspring_ , I just didn’t realise it for myself because of the sheer amount of masking parenting required of me. Ironically, I’m actually the first in the family to be formally diagnosed, which only happened last year at 58- I’m still working through what it all means; years of struggle framed in a different lens now. Funnily enough, it was supporting my trans and nonbinary offspring that led me to realising that I too, as an agender individual, am trans…. 😂

[@Autistic_AF]

Congratulations, Ninsídhe - and you are a fantastic parent for supporting your family. I just need to say that. 🧡

[@oiytd5wugho]

question: How do they find out about your diagnoses? My country doesn't have mandatory centralized health records and you can't demand doctors' notes saying you *don't* have every single possible disability, it's just not physically possible to do so. So, how do they make sure someone isn't just lying?

[@joannmarie1971]

i am self diagnosed... i looked into a professional assessment a couple of times but the prices quoted me for the evaluations were way out of my budget. You have a nice way of describing and articulating things. Glad to have discovered your channel. I think your mind map is cool!

[@BelieveTruthDisbelieveFallacy]

The fact that you made a mind map should in and of itself be an indicator ;)

[@Autistic_AF]

😅

[@angeladyson7367]

I'm sure I have autism but I'm also pretty sure I have ADHD. Some of my ADHD symptoms make it so hard to keep time, plan and organisation but yet if I'm not organised it can lead to panic, anxiety etc etc. I have so many symptoms of both that it's freaky.

[@tasenova2717]

the way I self-diagnosed myself is I had talked to more and more people that were autistic and diagnosed, and that helped me see that they are my best friends now with bottom up thinking and detailed honesty shared between us

[@registromalplena2514]

I live in a large town/ small city in the Midwest of the United States. I have suspected that I have been, what I used to call 'Autism Light' since October 20th 1978. That's 16,641 days I've had to think about what I have, to self- diagnosis, to learn and reflect. Nobody here, is doing ASD assessments anymore! Every place I have tried calling says they stopped because their waiting list WAS 2 years long or was 2½ years long. So they decided to stop testing. An area with 4 hospitals and more clinics than I can count. All will in 15 to 20 minutes drive. For now I just keep documenting. Maybe this will not be something that I am ever able to take to get an official diagnosis. But I might have a book to publish. And maybe that will help someone else. The way KZbin videos and books on Autism, Asperger's, Masking and other subjects have helped me.

[@moonyfruit]

Early on, when you said it's like going through a 2nd puberty, that's the perfect descriptor. A few months ago, I hit my breaking point. I can't say whether it was something specific or not, but I'd had enough, and I not only wanted to know why I am the way I am, but how to cope better. I've struggled my entire life with everything. Literally everything. I'm a woman that's 33 years old and is tired of being tired. One of the things prompting me to look into autism and ADHD (I suspect I have both) was that, about 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Throughout my life, and not having access to proper mental healthcare, I've related a decent amount to mental conditions like bipolar, BPD, etc., but there was always a lot to those conditions that I just didn't relate to. I know I deal with anxiety and depression. Though I've only been formally diagnosed with depression. I never looked into autism or ADHD because, well, I couldn't possibly be either, right? I took one self-assessment and I scored in the middle of the autistic range. 38/50 on the AQ. I went back, thinking "maybe I just made some of my answers too extreme," and took it again trying to normalize some of my answers. 41/50 on the AQ. This incorrect thought that I'd thought I was normalizing my answers prompted me to take others. 144 on the Cat-Q. 161 on the Raads-R. 27 on the EQ. So I began watching and listening to other autistic and ADHD creators. I've never felt so not alone. The next closest time I've ever felt not alone, was when I was feeling very alone about my fibromyalgia pain, so I looked up and found a teacher that Vlogs about her fibro. Hearing someone else describe the exact pain I feel, how I feel it... that's the only other time in my life I've not felt hopelessly alone. Now, I've started following tips and suggestions from other autistic and ADHD creators, and in just those few short months I've been seeing a difference in myself. In how I cope. It really does kind of feel like that whole turn in life. Even without an official diagnosis.

[@NotInMYName_AntiZionistJew]

I definitely relate to that. I usually score, having a moderate to strong chance of autistic but I definitely have ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia and dysgraphia as well.

[@spotterofgold]

To me, this is such a generous and compassionate gift...thank you! I keep taking screenshots of the various sections, in case I need to explain things to a family member or two in the future. The MindMap is beautiful...unfortunately I have to watch the last 13 minutes later because I urgently need to make myself a protein snack right now. 😂

[@Autistic_AF]

I hope your protein snack was good! It was vulnerable to show this eeek but it’s helpful, I’m sure - I hope it helps you with your own thoughts and explanations. -Mike

[@Flopsi80]

I self diagnosed my ADHD before I got the diagnose. And I of course I was right. I never took meds for it because I have no reason to do this. I have better ways to cope and train myself. I self diagnosed my ASD 6 months ago. In Germany you have to wait 4 years to get an appointment if you don't pay for the diagnostic in private. So of course there is no need to wait until you have a diagnose to work with this knowledge and make your life better with knowing it. I am an academic who has a special interest in mental health and psychology. So for me it's normal to read scientific papers and to do professional research. I even know a lot of things better than the so called specialists in psychology. I don't need their absolution to know what is best for me.

[@Frxmfire]

i've been questioned by friends about me self diagnosing, when as a teen i was told by a licensed therapist that she thought i was autistic but since having autism would mean my family "would view me differently", I "wouldn't get a job" and if i managed to get one i "would be fired for my autistic traits", she decided to not formally diagnose me. I already struggle to get a job, having it on a little paper and in my medical records won't make it worse lol. its already happening. if i hadn't self diagnosed, i wouldn't have ever been able to understand myself as much as i do now. the infantilization of autistic adults by medical professionals is insane.

[@BadNessie]

For myself I can say: I want to know for so many different reasons. The human mind is an interesting topic to begin with. Understanding more about it helps preventing burnouts and other negative aspects of life. Knowledge is power. In this case it's the power to be at peace and happy in life.

[@Autistic_AF]

YES. Understanding myself - I haven't burned out, shut down, or otherwise, since. In nearly a whole year. It DOES make such a difference. -Mike

[@neurobytes-fw3sj]

I love Coggle! I'm so glad to see a fellow mind-map lover

[@whereslaska]

Dude, you are so cute! You had me at "mindmap"....just the sight of that chart is convincing. So validating too. Thx 4 all u do ❤

[@jasminewynne]

"I created an incredibly detailed and organized mind map to decide if I'm autistic or not" is so autism-coded. This is my first video of yours and I subscribed quickly! Can't wait to check out more :)

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you ☺️

[@andymiles5156]

Coming from a scientific background I was careful on research so that the assessment wasn’t biased. In particular keeping away from anything around the tests they do during the assessment. I was glad I did as a lot of it feels like pattern matching which led me doubt myself until they did the tests. It blew my mind when I did them and then saw my wife do them who attended with me. I waited two years for my NHS assessment, in my 50s and got my answer end March. It explained so much in my life.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thanks Andy, I do believe it’s important to be aware of cognitive biases; but this entire exploration is unfortunately prone to them - and that’s where a professional opinion can help - but unfortunately here are issues there too, so we have to do the best that we can with what we have. Thanks. Andy ☺️

[@andymiles5156]

It is, and you have to be aware of the traits to know what to highlight at the assessment, or the 18 page word document I handed them 😂 I initially became aware through the assessment of a family member. Fortunately my clinical psychologist assessor was also a late diagnosed autistic and couldn’t have been better. I really like the channel and your presentation style. Being in IT myself (unfortunately not self employed), I would love to see a video on how you cope with the need to do stakeholder management and win business as a self employed person. Often that can heavily revolve around networking.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Andy. I appreciate your feedback - and sharing your own thoughts. Yes, business development… I thought that I could hide and code all day but boy, was I wrong. I’ve added your suggestion to my todo list, thank you!

[@izzieasreading]

my sister saw this video, heard the "I made a mind map" talk and send it to me saying "this you?" (I don't have mind maps, but I do have several spreadsheets)

[@Autistic_AF]

Spreadsheets work!

[@julialaynemcclain1562]

Mike- Thx for reply I’ll try that tomorrow. Had 2 melt downs in public trying to do returns where the tech was not working and it was 105 degrees out and I just ended up crying and barely being able to talk or stand still. the ladies at the store were really really nice and just got on my phone and figured it out for me. I just said - I’m sorry I’m autistic and I’m just getting g overwhelmed. They were so kind and so even tho I was mortified I am happy that I just was clear what was going on and I didn’t feel like I was overstating to say it even though I am still in the queue for formal eval. I have a lyric that says. “ the truth has a certain ring” and it does. When I told them I was autistic we all just sort of heard that ring of truth in it and they didn’t act like I was making an excuse. They just got it. That was amazing. I live in a town w one staples and one (decent) women’s clothes store so it’s not like I won’t be in those stores again. I used to think other people were just really unreasonable. Now I can see I’m just overwhelmed and they are happy to help me and not punitive about me getting overly emotional or having a self control (masking) challenge once I disclose my actual predicament. Thx for all your videos they are very fun and helpful.

[@wilhelmschmidt7240]

16:35 This is my exact experience as well, always completely on my own or conversing with adults and standing in a room all by myself, just spinning away.

[@briannah1915]

Your mind map and sources are fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed and related to this video. Thank you for sharing. Subscribed.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Brianna! 🧡

[@SenSamaShoran]

Whatever you used to make that mindmap, looks so mesmerizing and calming and helpful to me, I feel at ease just looking at it. I am still struggling to find ways to organize things. Always found colors to be very helpful, and a post-it style. So for whatever project I start, I always start by finding the perfect tool to visualize my thoughts. And visualizing has always been a big part of my struggles, because I didn't know I needed it. This insight into your mindmap was really interesting and fascinating and resonated with me on so many levels, it was satisfying to watch.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you ☺️

[@historymajor26]

This video was super reassuring! It actually inspired me to create a mind map of my own traits. Thank you ☺

[@NeuroSpicySheri]

Love the mind map. I’m working on one similar. Just started. Please do more videos on this. I think it’s really helpful for us to understand ourselves through the lens of autism.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Sheri! I will!

[@blueviolets2022]

I have been studying, researching this for almost 7 years now. It took me a couple years to "diagnose" myself. I researched other "causes" of some of the traits or characteristics I had, such as trauma, OCD, depression, different things it could be, but in the end, given my social issues, sensitivities, quirks, what I now recognize as stims, yeah, I have/am ASD. What surprised me, was the number of other family members who had traits. Not diagnosing them, but both my children, out of 3 grands, at least 2, 1 was diagnosed as ADHD, very similar, the other was told " most likely". Sincerely, nothing else fits all the criteria and traits/symptoms I have. Im not of working, age (61)or school age, and theres no real reason to go spend time and money, with a doctor who 1. Does not know me, 2. May not be as astutely trained in diagnoses of Autism, 3. Have no insurance to pay, 4. Not going to get disability for it, none possibly available. So, for me, im autistic. If someone doesnt believe me? So what, i know, now, whats been wrong with me all these years, why I am the way I am, and thats what I personally wanted to know. Great video, love the mind map. I confuse myself with things like that, lol too many details i get overwhelmed. (This phone keyboard is driving me insane, sorry for typos!)

[@kyleethekelt]

Kia ora Mike. I like the idea of a mindmap; not because it would be useful for me (I'm blind and such a thing would be about as useful as a computer mouse) but because the sighted assessor, and also my Therapist who happens to be autistic and was the one who first raised this possibility, might find it helpful. Self-awareness opens up a whole new vista of learning about one's fellow human being as wellas the self. Your content is thorough, listenable and very helpful. Ngā mihi nui.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you. I’m sorry to hear about your blindness - I am glad your therapist has been helpful. Neuro-affirming therapists are hard to find. I appreciate your kind comments. Take care, Kia Ora. -Mike

[@wilhelmschmidt7240]

20:18 I have done a fair amount of volunteer work with special needs children, and I do find that I tend to be able to intuit the needs of children with low functioning autism more easily than a NT aid might have been able to. Specifically with tegard to sensory overload situations, I can gague if certain things such as lighting, clothing, or something being played with is causing an issue i.e. slime being slimy, an electronic toy being too loud, clay getting hair in it or stacking blocks not arranged by color or size properly. I think it is an important thing that anyone who is able to do should do, as we can have a great impact on society and especially for those who need the most advocacy.

[@ilTHfeaa]

the fact that i relate to 99.9% of this is just furthering my feelings that i probably am autistic . but i can’t get a diagnosis bc doctors here are impossible to find and im broke and the place that does adult diagnosis in my city doesn’t even show the prices on their website, which means it’s probably thousands of dollars.

[@macaronibear]

Hi, as an autistic person, this is really pleasing to look at!

[@Elizabeth-if7pw]

I love this map so much reminds me of the research papers we used to write in school

[@QuantumAwakening0]

I would recommend looking deeper into the costs section. You can do tricks with negative implied costs for example. You can add the third dimension in your color scheme and have a connected sphere. Colors are just wavelengths.

[@Autistic_AF]

Join the Discord! ==> www.patreon.com/autisticaf (our Discord community is available on all tiers).

[@zorauzumaki6907]

Would love to hear more about your experience with fawning and mimicry/camouflaging if they overlap for you (at least for me I camouflage as a way to people-please). It's one of the areas I struggle with the most in life.

[@emschlef]

This was great, thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm so glad you mentioned smells and lights because they seem to be talked about less. For the longest time I was convinced I couldn't be autistic because my sensory profile doesn't match what I usually see online. I know it's a spectrum, but seeing others share similarities helps me with self acceptance. And I appreciate you saying autism =|= introversion. I'm an ambivert, and I do enjoy socializing quite a bit when it's related to my special interests.

[@iheartsharks333]

im using your mind map as a base for my own ! thank you so much!!

[@rhyanreid3523]

I think this is possibly the very first time I have commented on a KZbin video, but this really just explains me almost as well as it does yourself. I feel like you just made a presentation about my life and I appreciate the clarity and methodology of your approach. Thank you so much for making this video.

[@Autistic_AF]

Hey Rhyan, thank you so much! That’s a very kind thing to say - and I hope this helps you with your own thoughts! -Mike

[@fahrenheit2101]

"Now, I created this mindmap" - yep, I'm convinced, lol.

[@Rick.Sanchez]

thank you for the detailed walk though your process!

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank YOU, Rick! More to come 🙂

[@PoliticaV]

Dude I love how you map out your mind. Like who does that? You have an interesting mind.

[@50m3th1n]

Love how much sense this makes/you make. Thank you!

[@Autistic_AF]

Aww thank YOU! 🙏

[@clicheguevara5282]

Thank you so much for making this video. It's such an important topic right now. I have a 140 IQ, my "special interest" is research, I'm painfully self aware, and I've been very interested in psychology since childhood. ...so I was more than capable of diagnosing myself. I'm honestly just embarrassed that it took so long. Lol I was told so many times as a kid that I couldn't be autistic. I guess I just eventually believed it. (Turns out I was just really good at masking and doctors didn't even know what masking was) I did about two years of *heavy* daily research before officially deciding that I was autistic (because I also have C-PTSD, which is a common comorbidity of autism, but also shares A LOT of symptoms with autism.) It was really important to me to be absolutely sure that I wasn't just mistaking my C-PTSD symptoms for autism. ...but it became very apparent that I wasn't. I mean, I didn't even develop PTSD until my late 20s. I've _always_ been autistic though - and C-PTSD only explained _some_ of my sensory issues. I'm a 90s kid from America, so unsurprisingly, all of my doctors repeatedly misdiagnosed me, put me on heavy (and unnecessary) drugs, and sent me away to group homes for "troubled teens". ...so I don't put too much stock in an "official diagnosis" anyway. Those dummies put me through a lot of trauma and drastically altered my life path. If it wasn't for self diagnosis, I'd still have no idea what's "wrong" with me. I've always half-joked that if _anyone_ is capable of self diagnosis, it's low support needs or "high functioning" autistic people. The way we absolutely obsess over topics makes us well suited to it. ...and it's not like it's rocket science or brain surgery. At the end of the day, you either fit the list of criteria or you don't. I don't need an eXpErT to tell me how to read a research paper and decide whether or not it applies to my lived experience. That's incredibly easy to do. At this point, I don't even see the point of getting officially diagnosed by a doctor other than the fact that I'm a psychology nerd, so it'll be a fun process for me. Lol ...but I already know what the answer will be. I even know what my specific sub profiles are - like having Pathological Demand Avoidance, etc. At this point, I'm literally teaching my therapist about autism because by his own admission, I know more about the subject than he does. I actually just taught him about "echolalia" today. Haha People need to understand the difference between legitimate self diagnosis and Tik Tok diagnosis. They are NOT even remotely the same thing at all.

[@amandab7101]

Hi, thanks for sharing this! I've only recently tried mind-mapping, and it seems pretty helpful. Your kitties are so cute!

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Amanda! 🐈 💜

[@Jen-CelticWarrior]

I did something similar to a mind map, but I took a notebook and labeled several pages with main autism symptoms/topics. Then I listed everything I have that fits under each category. Much of my lists matches yours.

[@YiSLGaming]

Loved this, thank you!

[@yoni-in-BHAM]

The cat at the end tho! 😆😆😆 Since the time that I was a child, I liked to take things apart then put them back together to see how they worked - pretty much anything! Not so much anymore, but the curiosity is still there! 😅 And books! The feel of them, the smell, the texture! And the words between the cover opening up a whole new world and points of view! 🥹 Books and animals! Oh! And a great cup of coffee, tea, or occasionally wine...a hot bubble bath! 🛁 Aaaah, the best things in the world! 🌍

[@Autistic_AF]

Captain Polly! 🐈 🌊 Yes! The smell of books is so comforting isn’t it?

[@tracik1277]

This was SO interesting Mike, thanks for sharing! I am really struggling with trying to put together a documentation of my profiles. It’s put me off getting a formal diagnosis at this point, even though I have been signposted to a particular place and it’s the right place and cost. I’m finding it so difficult, exhausting and distressing because I have significant trauma in my past from a young age and after my brain haemorrhage in 2022 I find I can’t focus for long or remember things properly the way I used to. I fear that these things and the fact that I have nobody else who knows me well enough to vouch or advocate for me or provide information about me would scupper my chances of getting diagnosed because it all muddies the waters too much. This is making me sad right now.

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Traci - I'm glad it was useful to you in your own documentation process. A good, neuro-afffirmative practitioner should be able to help you tease those things apart and are used to dealing with trauma. Don't feel sad; you're not alone. -Mike

[@_xone]

"Kept notebooks on military equipment(!) and vehicles" and "Obsession with computers" made me smile. I merged those things together in writing a database application on my Acorn Electron and filling it with details of Russian military aircraft 😅

[@Autistic_AF]

Archimedes A3000 here after a BBC Micro B (The Electron was at school though!), but only around first Gulf War. I was born in Rinteln on a British Military Base - so I got very obsessive over all the various pamphlets and memos. I'm a Cold War nerd. Sounds like we'd have been friends at school :-)

[@_xone]

@@Autistic_AF Ah, interesting! I grew up near the Woodbridge and Bentwaters USAF bases (part of which is now the Bentwaters Cold War Museum), I guess military aircraft as a special interest was an inevitability 😂 Coincidentally, I bought my Electron second-hand from my friend when they got an A3000! I am certain we would have been childhood friends 😁

[@Autistic_AF]

I don’t know the names of those (I could look them up!) - but I’ve lived in Rinteln, Hannover, briefly Hildesheim - so mostly in the north-ish! But yes we probably would have been childhood friends! Haha.

[@clairedark]

I made a wakallet collection of all the different test I took and traits I have. A mind map sounds like a fun thing to do too!

[@marisa5359]

This mind map is fascinating and much to relate on.The visual is most helpful and, it may sound odd, but it appeals to the artist in me as well. Thanks ! 😊

[@Autistic_AF]

Hey Marissa! Thank you :) ☺️

[@ryanjamesloyd6733]

Thank you for this. I'm interested in any bit of this you care to go into, trying to figure all this out as a 48 year old. I knew all my oddities and difficulties, but I had come to the conclusion that I must just be a literal Changeling or something. Trying to refigure where the hell all these bits fit in the story of myself is quite the challenge, so your input (as well as others) is appreciated- the reframing and learning about other people's strategies in coping with this weirdness has been helpful in wrapping my head around it. Sidenote: on the white cis boys thing- we also need to add type-A personality, and structure/organization focused. The "Artsy Dreamer" type is a Very different manifestation even within the white cis boy demographic. I personally suspect that it will eventually be found that autism is a thing that is layered onto the full range of human expression of personality. Like, there is the neurotypical version then there's what happens when you add Autism Sauce (or adhd, or whatever ND)- where people Within these different broad variations share tendencies. I think that's why it's been so difficult to figure out for so long. It's the Whole Range of Human Psychology, that manifests differently when it gets run through the Autism operating system, or perhaps hardware, and I think we have the same level of similar tendency (and difference) between each other in the community that the NT's do between each other. And weirdly we collectively Recognize this is a thing, as they wind up as side character tropes in all sorts of stories. We Know these people are there (we Are these people) and there are Several beyond just the iterations of "scientist"- if you can see what I'm pointing at there. This is one of those things- I can see/feel it, but speaking it is tricky, and I wish I knew how to get the notion through to researchers. *sigh*

[@littlebuttons]

Great video, I've also done many of these things, thanks for sharing with us. Also, I watched all of your previous video, I thought it was interesting too. :)

[@adacougdirector]

I have been hesitantly calling myself autistic to people I trust for about 6 months now after spending the last two or three years trying to argue with myself as to why I am or why I am not autistic and I'm glad that you've made this video. It makes me feel less bad for feeling how I do, and for feeling I can self diagnose. So many people have told me that what I'm doing is irresponsible, or that i'm being trendy or that I really shouldn't say that if I don't have an official diagnoses. I'll be 30 this year btw. The most common reaction I get from people is that I can't be autistic because I don't look autistic, or that I'm not [pejorative for people with mental handicaps]. I can't be autistic because I'm so "normal" and I "know" how to talk to people. I'm too social to be autistic. It's taken a long long time, and a lot of practice, to get to the point where I feel like I can blend in so well into society and apparently I'm doing a good job if people really don't think I could be autistic. But the reality is, I struggle a lot, both in the present, but especially in the past. I couldn't figure out for the longest time why I had such difficulty with things that other people just seemed to be able to do. My childhood was filled with questions and mystery as to why certain things happened the way they did, and looking at my life through the lens of me having autism has answered so many questions and given me such a peace of mind in my life. I know now that, i wasn't broken, I didn't do anything wrong. So many weird outcomes, when I assume I have autism, now make perfect sense, and all my actions and reactions fall into place and make sense as an autistic individual. I appreciate you for the video and for helping me validate my feelings as to calling myself autistic, even though I can't afford to pay some doctor $5000 to tell me what I already know.

[@Paint_The_Future]

Please explain "Bruises with no known cause." I have bruises and I don't know where they came from. I didn't know that was an autistic thing?

[@tripstrickstickstips4442]

It's a part of sensory sensitivities as far as I can tell. Some people are hyposensitive to pain and don't notice they have bruised themselves. Some people struggle with proprioception and tend to bump into things as well.

[@Autistic_AF]

@@tripstrickstickstips4442 Thank you for explaining, well :) -Mike

[@sokawai5]

Lol you did all that😂 reminds me of when i did a big math equation. It was out of nowhere too! I was thinking and then i got the pencil and went crazy.

[@Autistic_AF]

Yep and at a time when I didn’t tell anyone what I was thinking.

[@witchykittyy]

Light touch drives me insane!! It feels me with a sense of rage and disgust that just doesn’t seem rational, yet I never thought about it too hard until I finally got into my first relationship in my late 20’s.

[@Autistic_AF]

My skin is itchy just thinking about it!

[@rebeccaburnell9319]

I've never heard about mind maps before but the second you put yours up on screen I instantly just... *knew* what it was and that it's exactly what I've unknowingly been trying to figure out how to put together. I have 64 pages (+counting) of handwritten notes and journalling in a binder documenting why I believe myself to be autistic and which I bring with me to my 2x a month sessions with my therapist & to my 4x a year psychiatrist appointments (on Disability "for bipolar II" - I don't dispute that diagnosis at all but I'm *also* autistic). I keep a Table of Contents for the binder as I add new conclusions and memories, because all that documentation is useless at my appointments if I can't easily put my finger on where I've noted something that I might need to refer to re: good wording/useful framing etc... everything carefully secured with extra binder reinforcement rings on the pages, and the Table of Contents and other important reference material safely secured in my favourite page protectors (I order a new box of them every time it looks like I'm getting down to my last 15-ish; I have 10 years of keeping binders of vegetable breeding/gardening/ecology notes that are phenomenally important to me plus it was my preferred method of working with my character sheet for playing D&D). The binder is necessary for me as... like, a running list; I think of something, I jump up, I flip to the last thing I wrote, I add what I've just thought of, then I note the topic and its page number in the Table of Contents. But it hasn't been adequate for dealing with my appointments. I was sure the Table of Contents would fix the problem. But I try to talk about something, and I get interrupted or distracted or derailed part way through, and before I can finish explaining WHY this plays into why I'm autistic, I've been moved on to a different topic the therapist/psychiatrist wants us to talk about instead (and I'm terrible at confrontations/forcing an issue... me trying to talk about whatever it is IS already me trying to force the issue). It's the interconnectedness of it all, and how each element plays into and amplifies other elements, that I can't seem to get at with them. But I haven't found a way of explaining that to them because they move us on to a new topic before I can explain how it's connected to other things. I think if I synthesize the contents of my binder into a mind map, it could help. Obviously the situation is that neither believes that I'm autistic (psychiatrist told me I couldn't be autistic because I've had friends/been married, got excellent grades, and played in orchestra/sang in choir in school; the therapist is much more willing to let me explore the idea but I think she thinks it's not the best use of our sessions). I don't really expect to convince my psychiatrist, but I don't worry too much about it so long as we don't come to a point where he thinks I need to increase the dose of my mood stabilizer to deal with bits of my life that I now know are my *autistic* self having problems interacting with life/the non-autistic world. The therapist, I think will start to see what I'm on about, if I can more usefully explain the web of interconnection. And she's far more important in my day to day ability to navigate life. Anyway, thank you for sharing this!!! Edit: when my psychiatrist tells me I can't be autistic because I got good grades in school/had friends/played French horn etc, I call that "using my mask against me."

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you, Rebecca! We do seem to go above and beyond when researching and thinking, don’t we? 🧡

[@rebeccaburnell9319]

@@Autistic_AF ha, yes, definitely! 🙃

[@ghosteeniesmith6219]

Love your mind map and comparing it to a D&D character sheet. Game on! I applaud your bravery!

[@Autistic_AF]

Thank you ☺️ - the more I think about it, the closer to D&D it gets. Spell slots instead of spoons and short and long rests to replenish them. 🧙‍♂️

[@Akab]

What Software do you use for the mindmap? Looks really cool! Also love the colors and how some lines vary in their thickness, it's pretty neatly ordered, although I do dislike that lines disappear behind the smaller textboxes as if the text is surrounded by a gray box