How I Take Care of My Home (Lasting Effects of Growing Up With a Hoarder Parent)

[@dogzilla8you]

Thank you for being so open and vulnerable in this video. I was searching videos related to children of hoarders because I've come to the realization that I am deeply unhappy with how I keep my space and I want to change that. I live with my brother and its apparent that our parents did not adequately teach either of us good housekeeping habits because we both struggle with mess and organization. Funnily enough I had this video on as I am in the process of deep cleaning our kitchen, as it hasn't been properly cleaned in the 5 years we've both lived here. A lot of the points you said about anger shame really resonated with me so much I had to pause so I could process the sudden rush of emotions I felt hearing someone else verbalize them. I still have a lot of shame about my childhood home and my mother's hoarding and I just recently opened up to my bf about it because he would keep trying to help me tidy and give me pointers when he came over which I felt incredible shame at. I am currently trying to fight depression and anxiety by cleaning for the sake of making my space easier for me to live in, not just for guests. The anxiety induced cleaning you described felt so validating to hear from another person. (the first time my bf came over i panic deep cleaned the entire house for three days straight) Right now I am trying to set myself up to form healthier housekeeping habits. I know a lot of this isnt really relevant to the video but I wanted to share my appreciation for you sharing, and it is reassuring to see other people in the comments sharing their own stories too. The road to self-improvement and better health is long and tedious but worth the effort.

[@kimgreerpuchek1140]

I can relate about cleaning for someone else but not cleaning for me. I’m old enough to be your grandmother, too I’ll do most anything else but clean for myself. I’m impressed that you are doing this deep dive into your own behaviors. The perfectionism is something that I struggle with in myself and beginning to let it go isn’t very easy. At what point do we start thinking that we deserve better just for ourselves? I’m glad you are addressing this issue now and sharing it with others. 😊

[@elisefinder]

I had a kind of emotional breakthrough for myself when I felt distress at always cleaning for Company, someone said something about always being Company Ready and I resented that deeply, I figured out what I really wanted was to be Comfort Ready, to have comfort and accommodations for ME at home by myself getting to enjoy and live in my space! Sometimes my health dips and I only keep a few little oasis areas clean-ish or free of all clutter, but it's helped me emotionally to reframe it and let go of perfectionism and anxiety of others judging. Also having the house nice or nicer and no threat of visitors invading has helped me not associate clean spaces with the anxiety of visitors.

[@rockymom624]

This video is amazing. Thank you. The fear of being "caught" and doing things only when others might see it are things I still deal with and I've been out of that house for almost 30 years. I relate to so much that you said here.

[@gurlycash7394]

I'm so proud of you. You're so brave. I dated a hoarder for 6 months last year because I wanted to help his 8 year old daughter. I cleaned his place, got his water turned back on. Tried to clean his car. He hoarded that too. I'm very codependent because I grew up with an alcoholic mother and had to mother her. It's a struggle trying to not be codependent or anxious.

[@granthropologist3622]

Thanks so much for this. As the child of a garbage-hoarder, I’ve been really struggling with so many of these issues since I started to lose the use of my hands and see my own, carefully curated, adult life fall apart. I have a connective tissue disorder that leads to multiple, non-healing tendonopathies and I grew up crunching through empty maggot casings and sitting on the piles of broken computer components that my father hoarded. Having my hands in splints for 2 years was unbearable. I don’t know if I will ever really be ok with the disfunction that, now, I cannot fix on my own, the awful mess that I can’t help but make. But it does help to feel less alone and to listen to the language you use for the process of figuring it out. Thank you.

[@gaylakay4132]

I so appreciate you taking the time to watch this, and sharing your empathy with me! The feeling of being restricted in your body must have been so difficult, I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm hoping help comes your way, in what ever form would serve you best, and allows you to change your space in a way that you deserve to enjoy. Sending healing vibes your way!

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

hello my name is.... and i am recovering from hoarding & clutter issues....i am so sorry to hear about the physical pain you're experiencing in your hands & emotional pain in your heart. Sending Good Vibrations from the beaches of SandyEggo & Positive Reverberations from my Yoga Faith & Healing Sound Bowl Bath classes in Cali! i would encourage you to watch, pause, rewind, read & watch again the end of this video where GaylaKay reads the oracle cards/ affirmations & PERSONALLY....i Cherish Louise Hay books on healing affirmations declaring things like "i am safe", "i feel excitement/ enthusiasm/ energy surging through my body" [instead of anxiety] Peace My Friend! ~mke~

[@bunnyxsoap]

This exactly is what I'm looking for rn

[@emmadove6803]

Thank you for sharing your insight and experience with these feelings. I found the same after moving out of my grandparents house into my first apartment. Their hoarding and the dirtiness I felt from living in a home with so many mice and clutter really affected how I felt in my own space. I was never satisfied with it as it never felt clean or organized enough, and honestly I always felt like a mess!! Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s helped me to better understand why I found it so difficult to enjoy that space and what I’ll be aware of moving forward. ❤️

[@wordwoman123]

Woah, thank you for sharing. I am 28 & just now exploring how me growing up in a trashed hoarding environment is now affecting me in adulthood, & a lot of what you talked about is what I have felt just never knew how to put to words. So thank you for your vulnerability! ♥️🙏

[@gaylakay4132]

Thank you for meeting my vulnerability with your own. I'm so glad to have found wonderful people like yourself who understand. all my love to you 💕

[@timmychonga4901]

The one that really got me was throwing stuff away is it's own high, nice to know I am not the only one.

[@dmca20]

I have some similar experiences as a child. Growing up with a complete but dysfunctional family, I'm the middle child and only girl and my two brothers didn't learn how to clean or even offer help. I do hate clutter and dirt and even if I'm the only one studying then because my brothers stopped studying for some reason, I still had to make time during days I didn't have school just to do some general cleaning in the apartment my family was renting. My mother was busy making money and I don't remember her gave time to clean the house and was also a hoarder. My father worked abroad and when he gets home, he brought mistresses and was abusive and he's a hoarder too. My family was so fvcked up that when I graduated and started making money, the effects is still here with me and I like fought hard to my mother just to not live with my brothers again after our father left. My two brothers doesn't have a job and the youngest was diagnosed with severe depression. I also do not like the fact that my mother told me it was my responsibility if she's gone so I'll be left taking care of the youngest which sounded to be her favorite child. So I felt more pressure in my life. They were neglectful parents. I live alone now for over 3 years and struggling much worse, I cannot even motivate myself sometimes and there are times I suddenly get a burst of energy and cleaning non-stop and then once done I cannot seem to appreciate it sometimes because I feel like it's still not clean enough but then I'm already feeling exhausted and feeling bad for myself. I'm positive to be traumatized by living in a cluttered and filthy space and was also SA by own male family members and so a psychiatrist assessed I have PTSD. I've been struggling for being a hoarder myself for 3 years now and there are times I wake up and feel anxious about my stuff so I just started decluttering this year but I still get so overwhelmed and exhausted oftentimes (which my younger self didn't have issues with). I haven't gone therapy yet since I'm still in denial of my own situation. Just hope we can all get through this.

[@embr4065]

One thing I have learned recently is how much online influencers really influence. So I switched my KZbin watching tactic from buying and reselling junk to minimal living and cleaning videos. It has helped me so much. I went on a decluttering spree (I am not a hoarder, but my grandparents were, so there is always something in the back of my brain that worries I may turn I to one!). Because of the wonderful videos I was watching, my home is now clean and clutter free and organized. I guess my point is, in conjunction with working with your therapist, watch uplifting cleaning videos that can inspire you and teach you new habits. And keep on making your videos. You are doing a great job!

[@gaylakay4132]

Love this :)

[@SK-jp2ok]

Thank you so much for sharing. One of the channels that has helped me the most is “FlyLady Kat”. She shares her tips and tricks and systems for maintaining a clean and orderly home in a light fun loving way. Dana K White from “A Slob Comes Clean” is the most inspiring decluttering KZbinr and author I’ve found, though I also love Cas from “Clutterbug” and Dawn from “Minimal Mom”. Keeping a home is a journey. A day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute decision to live intentionally, purposefully, with boundaries and home organization. Praying for your continued success and blessings 🙏

[@gaylakay4132]

I will definitely check those out, thanks for sharing these :)

[@MaryEavey-dc3sk]

Yes, a Slob Comes Clean is a really good youtube channel. So is HoardersHeart. She was diagnosed with hoarding disorder and she has made tremendous progress. Her video comes out every Friday

[@MaryEavey-dc3sk]

Just found your channel today and I am struggling!! I grew up with depression era parents who kept everything. The house was always cluttered but not dirty. They were farmers and didnt have the time to tend to the house because the animals and gardens came first. I never was taught how to keep a tidy home. I have never lived in one. I was married for 37 years and had 3 kids. They grew up in a messy home too and never lived in a tidy one. I got divorced 4 years ago and moved everything that belonged to me out of the house into the apartment, which has been like a walkin storage unit. Not dirty but every surface has a pile of "stuff". I am now 65 and I am so tired of living this way!!!!! My friends just say, well , just start in a corner and work 15 minutes a day and it will get better. yeah, right!! Then they see a picture of my "after" and think its the "before" . I have hoarding tendencies and have a hard time of letting go of things. When I try to take a run at getting something done, it is like my mind runs around in circles and I hit a brick wall. It is a very suffocating feeling. I have been in therapy for years because of that emotionally abusive marriage. It just now occured to me that maybe I should change the focus of my counseling to someone who deals with hoarding disorder. I feel bad for my kids because this is not the way I wanted them to grow up. While they were at home I could not get them to pitch in and help. My X sat on his backside and said Go help your mother and they all waited for someone else to get up first. We were very dysfunctional. He had mental illness of some sort; I never figured out what, but after I moved out it REALLY turned into squalor. his landlord evicted him. Put all of his stuff in a dumpster and it went to the landfill. That sounds very callous, but the man had been in the hospital for months, no rent paid, and could physically no longer take care of himself. I am feeling much better being out from under that, but so frustrated with my current situation. I feel a great deal of shame. Like, this cannot be rocket science, but just doing the simplest things seems like a big thing.

[@gaylakay4132]

I am so sorry you are struggling now. I can really understand why, the experiences you wrote sound so painful. I'm just happy you got yourself out of a problematic partnership and now you are turning your attention to bettering your own home. A kind woman in a comment from a past video of mine said "when I look at a cluttered closet I feel like I'm a child again looking at the mess of my childhood home, feeling completely suffocated and not knowing even where to being." This helped me realize that when we are struggling with something we weren't taught as children to do, like clean up our home, that it isn't because we are bad or deserve shame. We may still be the children looking at the mess of our childhood house and just now learning how to acquire one of the most fundamental needs we have as humans, which is a safe home to live in. I wouldn't chastise that child, I wouldn't condemn them! I want to stress that you can be soft with yourself. Soothe your shame into compassion for what you went through, with your childhood and your marriage. Because even after all of that, you want better for yourself, you deserve better for yourself. It is okay if it takes time. I believe in you. All my love to you 💕

[@MaryEavey-dc3sk]

Thank you for your kind words! Yes, it is getting better, bit by bit. I try to have tunnel vision and not look at what I have NOT DONE,but look at what I HAVE DONE and feel joy in that. Someone said it didnt get that way in a month; it wont resolve in a month either. I know that I am making progress and I certainly feel more joy in my life!!@@gaylakay4132

[@freshgreen54]

I appreciate your bravery to share honestly and openly about these topics and create a space of compassion for this discussion. When I listen to your journey it resonates with me & helps me understand myself in ways I would otherwise fail to recognize or connect to experiences I have. More than any of the licensed therapists I listen to, your raw testimony of growth overcoming struggles inspires me. I'm glad you have a therapist who you feel comfortable with and who really helps you. I really don't know how to feel comfortable talking to a therapist even though I like her I can't help but feel like she's just building a case file of my issues. I talk to her about sources of stress and grief I'm currently dealing with but to delve into any type of childhood trauma and connecting that to my present struggle feels like I'm commiting a betrayal, like those are not my issues to confess completely so I try to focus on the specific survival mechanisms I've developed without explaining or even thinking about where they came from usually. Often I may not even view them as survival mechanisms but rather as defects/characteristics in myself while blocking out when/why they started. I'm going to do some journaling and come back to comment on some of the content of this video specifically because it is difficult subject matter and again thank you for having the strength to post this. I wish you were one of my friends to be able to have more indepth discussions with you. The q & a idea is intriguing, maybe you could have an option for people to ask & share with you less publicly, like you could know who was asking but for a response video to only share selective details or remain anonymous (not connected to any account) if requested. I feel like there is so much to be learned about this because people are so reluctant to talk about it. It seems like it's more socially acceptable to openly discuss struggles like drug addiction or alcoholism than with hoarding. I hope your words of acceptance along the path to freedom touch those who need to hear it and that you are blessed for reaching out to others.

[@gaylakay4132]

What an absolute gift your comments are freshgreen. Thank you for your continued support and the vulnerability you've expressed. I'm so glad my videos are helpful. You and everyone else who has shared at one point or another, have been incredibly helpful to me so I understand what you mean. To speak on the therapist relationship: I can understand this. I will say that almost all therapist I have had (which have been 5) all sincerely wanted to help and encourage me, despite us not clicking perfectly or them taking notes. I would assume everyone who gets into that profession has a strong desire to heal, and express empathy so what ever note taking you are seeing it is more for your benefit. My therapist takes notes about things I say and I find it so helpful, She can link patterns of my thinking and help illuminate those to me. This allows for me to see my subconscious mind and have the clarity to work on things I may not have noticed on my own. Nevertheless, I understand your hesitance to share more... You feeling guilty for sharing about the specifics of your home is understandable, we were trained to do so. I would encourage you for a moment to consider this: any healing that can come to you (especially from opening up more about specifics of your home, and letting that secret go) will allow you to develop better relationships with EVERYONE in your life including yourself. You will be able to relate to your parent and family from a less reactive place, things will begin to trigger you less and less. Your compassion for yourself will grow, and thus your compassion for others will grow as well. (This was my experience anyway). When you so profoundly say " I try to focus on the specific survival mechanisms I've developed without explaining or even thinking about where they came from usually. Often I may not even view them as survival mechanisms but rather as defects/characteristics in myself while blocking out when/why they started "... you show your INCREDIBLE ability for self reflection and awareness, so I don't think you need ANY of my advice at all, rather I want to express encouragement to you, that when it feels good for you to open up about it, I will be cheering you on :) I love your idea about that Q&A... maybe I'll have people email me questions, and topic ideas and go from there? I'll figure it out and then let everyone know! Sending all my love to you, my dear friend. I'm heading over to your next comment now. 💕

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

Again, opening up to more people and sharing the shame of secrecy can feel like a daunting task , but very tiny BaBY steps on journey toward healing! reminds me of a movie with Bill Murray & his therapist Richard Dreyfuss "What About BoB?" BaBY StepS ~mke~

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

BTWs: love the name Fresh Green

[@elizabethdesousa8290]

I guess you’re not making vlogs any more. I really appreciate what you did. Thank you. 🙏 Hope you’re well. 💖💝❤️

[@jenniferbyrne4567]

I think those fears are healthy! It keeps us from repeated the mistakes we grew up with!

[@addiction2conviction363]

Been watching since your first video.. I had a very (very) similar upbringing. It's been so relieving/therapeutic realizing (through you and others) I'm not alone. Now on to my comment in regards to this vid.. I too have insane anxiety when I'm going to have guests.. I already clean like there's no tomorrow when it's just me and my son, but when I know we're going to have guests, I go into hyperdrive. I'll go so far as to bake cookies or brownies, or simmer cinnamon sage and lemon on the stove. My dark secret is some of my closets and junk drawers are filled with clutter.. its always in the back of my mind and drives me nuts, and everytime I try to clean them, I get overwhelmed and am 8 years old again looking around my parents apartment feeling completely helpless. Lastly about cloths, when I was growing up, I didn't have many and I didn't like most of what I had, and we didn't do laundry often, so I would wear the same smoke filled dirty cloths to school and get made fun of.. now even as a 39 year old, I obsess over my attire, I'll change outfits multiple times a day, constantly do laundry, and am always thinking about the next clothing items I'm going to buy. And I too have a chair in my room that I constantly pile semi-clean cloths on that I had changed my mind about through out the day. Sorry for the long "cluttered" comment lol.. thanks so much for putting yourself out there and being vulnerable! It really helps knowing we're not alone.

[@gaylakay4132]

First off, thank you so much for watching and taking the time to comment and share. There is never a comment that is too long, especially since you shared empathy with me over struggling with specific things I mentioned. I feel seen and heard by you because of it! The attention to smell with baking and shimmer pots... 100% yes. I was on a shimmer pot frenzy haha that is wild that you do the same thing. Wow, feeling like your 8 yrs old again and helpless...that paints such an accurate picture, I can relate to that. It makes me think that when I'm caught in that helpless mindset and then want to belittle or criticize myself for those moments, I am just criticizing and belittling my child-self... what a wonderful discovery that was, thank you. 💕

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

sooooooo sorry you had to wear clothes that were either dirty or stinky. i remember learning how to do my own laundry as soon as i could reach the knobs on the washer & dryer. it's hard to believe that growing up with 2 "collector" parents who were also both workaholics & had EXCESSIVE amounts of clothing - that i would grow up making a career out of TEACHING my clients (who bot my botanical skincare & "seasonal" color coded cosmetic line of products) how to ORGANIZE their closets?!?!? my 1st tip is get ALL matching hangers [i like the clear "crystal cut" ones where the metal hook swivels, so you can GET the blouse, blazer, dress, ON the hanger & off the floor/ chair/ bed & iNTO the closet- the swivel hook is key, cuz then you don't waste time putting on hanger, realizing it's backwards & have to re-do?- but if you like wood or thin velvet ones, U do U!] next after grouping 1) tanks/ sleeveless 2) short sleeve 3) long sleeve tops/ sweaters/ jackets 4) dresses, etc. ALL in rainbow order- then AFTER you wear an item, if you love it& HOW you felt in it, clean & keep! if not? Donate! i could go on, but the main thing is DO NICE things for YOURSELF! like GaylaKay says - if you clean for someone else, you'll be resentful. Be Well & Be Gentle with yourself & your wardrobe! {p.s. i have lost over 40# in the last 2 years, so i am giving away lovely items to a thrift store@ my church *Twice Treasured*- and being charitable can be a self esteem boost too!} ~mke~

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

the key word i like for my clothes/ home/ face, etc. is ....FReSH....!!!!!

[@dogdonut3]

Its kind of wild to think that our parents felt this same way, and their parents, and their parents...different traumas, differet coping, but it continues.

[@gaylakay4132]

Absolutely ... and what amazes me is through our healing we can break the chain of this and the ones that follow us will heal even more. There may be a chain of trauma, but there can also be a chain of healing!

[@justinfelt748]

Hi, Gayla. Happy Sunday and welcome to the sixth month of June!😊😊😊😊😊😎☀💙💙💙💙💙💙🌷💖💖💖💖💖💖🎇👍. When I looked in the mirror and my heart begins to stand still, I felt strange like I'm alone on the highway with my cassette player in my pocket. Then, I said to myself, "Why the toy dolls are crying? Did they lost someone or passed away from the movie "Top Gun?" So, my tears came down on my face when the instrumental music of Goose's death begins. That scene was so hard to me like...😢a robot that has no heart. So...yeah. And right now, I am stronger and happier with love and determination.😊💙⭐💙⭐💙⭐💙⭐💙🎇👍. Also, the Q and A sounds good. I'm in!⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐👍

[@luciadigerlando3181]

Ehi there! It's been a while! So proud of you!! Thank you for sharing ❤ I imagine this was hard to do, have to deal with fear of judgement, and speak about sensitive personal stuff I'm always so amazed how you work on yourself, how much you understand, you're doing great :) As you said, acknowledgment is so important in overcoming difficult stuff, you'll get better and better and achieve the balance and peace you feel right ❤ this unpleasant, difficult anxiety you feel will go away as soon as you find it, keep up the good work and be patient with yourself "Powerless in that dysfunction" For me the anger is a big part of it (the effects of living with a hoarder), also the feeling of wasting space and objects (having more stuff than you need, therefore it becomes useless) In regard of not really knowing what to do with new space and new rules in your first apartment, the anxiety and obsessions, i really get that, as you said we really weren't taught these things, also my parents were emotionally neglectful, so i never learned to understand emotions, now i have alexithymia (it's really difficult putting words on emotions or expressing them in any way, even noticing them is hard), so anger is amplified, especially on my hoarder parent, they don't even realize they have a problem, the magnitude of it, never understood how much it affected me and other members of the family "I pass no judgement on you" that was powerful to hear, thank you Thank you so much for talking about this, it really helps 🫶 Wishing you the best ❤ Also i really like how you highlight your words using subtitles :) Def gonna check out your friend's podcast q&a would be awesome! There's so little people talking about this

[@gaylakay4132]

Lucia!!! Oh my gosh, I so love seeing you in these comments. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I was def nervous after posting, but so thankful that you and others seem to really understand where I'm coming from. The fact that you share your empathy with me is so helpful and healing. Not having the words to put towards what you're feeling is SO frustrating. I understand you leaning towards anger when confused with how to express other deep emotions you may be feeling. Especially since your hoarder parent can't realize the dysfunction that is happening, and you can see it so clearly. I'm so glad you like the subtitles :) I gotta figure out a way to do a live q & a so it's like a conversation and less like I'm talking to you all ! I'm so happy to hear from you. All my love to you as always 💕

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

i am slightly hard of hearing, so i almost always have the SUBTITLES on my t.v. while watching movies, sitcoms & now KZbin channel videos - so i pause when GaylaKay has her own "reflections" or highlights key phrases on the screen, cuz her style/ font/ accents/ screen color/ background/ graphics are WaaaaY better than my generic subtitles!!!! i also appreciate how insightful and reflective she is. i feel like her words help me understand MY childhood better & now what my teenage dotter maybe experiencing? so grateful for her opening dialog in such a real & transparent way! ~mke~

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

....i think of what i want to say by typing on tiny phone screen, while pausing your video on my 65" smart tv.... then can't recall what i wanted to tell you? YES! i am proud of where you're@ now! Creating NeW Healthy Systems & Habits in your current home? Bring on the paper hats, party horns & confetti cannons!!!! you deserve to treat yourself well for your accomplishments!- AND ANYONE reading this, just by watching GaylaKay 's videos & becoming more self aware/ extending compassion to your sitch & others who mauve suffering? You also are to be commended! Be Well ALL! ~mke~

[@ittybittyADHDcommittee]

I'm literally only 8 minutes in, and I feel so at peace, and like I know, understand so much of why I do what I do as an adult. We have a LOT in common, love. Thank you so much for this video!!!

[@gaylakay4132]

Thank you so much for sharing your empathy with me, I feel so seen by you! Sending love to you. (also your user name is SOOOO good 🤭 )

[@kyrannify]

Thank you so so so much for this and for your content. I am feeling intensely validated -- it's literally like you're inside my head. I grew up in a cluttered hoard that was "clean", but I get so much anxiety over the slightest dysfunction in my home (a box I haven't recycled, three dishes in the sink, etc). I end up just dissociating and avoiding all responsibility (especially steps of self care!) instead of moving forward gently to alleviate my anxiety. You're so spot on about cleaning up for other people but not doing it for oneself; my only memories of deep cleaning as a kid were for when we were having company. I had to teach myself and I'm still teaching myself what cleanliness is and what a home can be and how I can take up space in it. Your example of loving yourself and radically accepting yourself as you are right now is touching my heart. Thank you.

[@Johnhamsta]

I really appreciate your bravery on this subject. I try to host frequent game nights for friends and family to keep a motivation for cleaning my apartment. Sunlight is the best disinfectant for my inherited disorganization. I noticed my siblings also do that thing where they don't feel like they can live in their living rooms... huh... We're not alone. Thank you for your bravery

[@Pattiefair]

I have two granddaughters and my son who are both living in hoarder situations and it's very difficult and now I can see where so much of the shame came from that didn't make sense to me that my daughter-in-law was feeling I just didn't get it I'm so glad that you have been sharing things with us it helps me deal with my other family members thank you so much cuz I need to be more helpful and more understanding and more compassionate

[@EvumeimeiDingzai]

I relate to the throwing things out gving a high lmao... I have attributed that to Having those tendencies rather than Not having them though. It is scary to throw things out but its also Good-- like a roller coaster lol. I am glad i found this video because i think i need these tips orz

[@EvumeimeiDingzai]

Some of your habits are things I am relating to so hard but slightly to the left... I have a huge dish struggle. Back with my parents, any clean dish would instantly become dirty and join the Mold. The best way to keep myself from having to sort through rot was to save my dirty bowl outside of the sink and only wash it right before eating. Your story about saving your trash and only throwing your own out, in order to save yourself from burning out cleaning up after everyone reminded me of the dish thing that I am still currently struggling with:(

[@EvumeimeiDingzai]

Seeing that you are talking about overcoming your maladaptive habits and having made so much progress has me really hopeful for once🥺 thank you so much for making this video

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

watching again for the 417th time (like my birthday) reading, rereading & reading for a third time @ how you didn't use "communal space" & didn't really buy produce &/ cook. i sooooooo relate to the idea of "hiding"& waiting till the last minute! wish i could have had access to this info 2O years ago? wanted to let you know if searching for my {comment about sharing the Hope & shining the light of your videos} it's AFTER your reply in my - WoWzErS post - ciao on this 17th day of june! 2months after my bday ~mke~

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

....i am old, i have been around the block & when i grew up in a home with 2 parents who were both "collectors" & "workaholics"- not home mon-fri 7a.m.-6p.m. - people didn't use the terms 'neglect' or 'abuse' to describe my situation in the 80's-90's - i was simply referred to as a "latch key kid"- but now my folks are both in Heaven & i am left to clean out their home alone. the problem is- it's not ALL garbage that can simply be thrown in the trash - it's also very important documents like: fam biz records, wills/ trusts, estate planning details, taxes/ irs info, insurance policies & bank accounts, etc. Thank You GaylaKay for being so Honest & Vulnerable sharing your experiences! We SEE you & HEAR you! We feel SEEN & HEARD by you! i also like the Q&A ideaS! but can relate to instagramLiVE being a scary notion for most of us conditioned to HiDE & Live in SecRecY? today is tues the 6th- but only minutes till midnight in Cali- so almost the 7th & i have read EACH & EVERY comment& your replies to this video so far! Keep in Sharing the Love, Acceptance, permission to be soft and gentle with our fragile selves! ~MicKEy~

[@gaylakay4132]

Mickey... your generous flow of encouragement and understanding is so heartwarming, I so deeply thank you for all of these comments. I feel so seen by you, and the fact that you can bare witness to my openness and return with your own is such a beautiful thing. I've read all of your comments, including one I can't find on my channel about sharing my video with people who struggle with clutter and home upkeep, and had to brush away my tears to respond here and now. (Happy tears) I'm so sorry you have to be responsible for cleaning up your parents home, a task I know all too well is emotionally draining and can at times be painful. To hear that you're going through that, dealing with your health concerns and STILL carve out time to watch my videos and share empathic and encouraging messages with me is a real gift. I'm so grateful you've connected to my videos. Sending you all of my love 💕

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

since each of your videos that have chapters or segments - it seems like you could do 2O minutes or more on EACH topic? you are the ONLY person i have found that is actually DOiNG what al-anon & cod-a suggest: keeping the FOCUS on yourself & not attacking another human for their mistreatment of you or blaming your circumstances on your inability to cope- probably because you really have put so much time into healing & invested your energy into growing & moving forward! personally (& i maybe the only one?) would be THRiLLED to see a video on....if you grew up with pets, how you ended up with your FlufferNutter Keybooo? and how you manage his/ her/ their food/ toys/ treats/ litter box/ is keybooo strictly indoors or in/ out? do they have a harness/ leash? go for walks???? inquiring minds want to know! Be Well & a Gentle Woman! ~mke~

[@amanda5889]

I did not grow up in the level of hoard you did but I grew up with TOOO much stuff in the house. Now that I have a baby girl I am ashamed of how I have some of the traits. I am piler. I pile till I get upset then frantically clean it in one day the best I can. Oh and don't get me started about people showing up. Id rather die. Since my daughter has been born we have kept the main areas shes in clutter free and clean. But things like my basement and our bedroom make me depressed. I am just beating myself up over it. I feel like a failure. I have a loving husband but to be honest I was the one doing all the cleaning before the baby. With postpartum then the depression from the loss of my grandma I just stopped really trying. My daughter isn't in danger and it isn't unhealthy but I don't want her to learn these bad habits. And honestly I am too embarrassed to ask for help on learning better habits.

[@gaylakay4132]

Amanda, thank you for taking the time out of your day to watch this video and share your experience with me. I can really relate to the shame your feeling. While I can't even imagine the weight of postpartum depression, I can understand the loss of a grandparent or parent. My parent who struggles with hoarding really began to have a hard time after the loss of their mother, so I think (even though not many talk about it), it is common for people to turn to this coping mechanism after experiencing loss. Being left with the responsibility to take care of the home, while raising what seems to be your first child, WHILE feeling postpartum depression is TOO much. I would start to loose motivation to clean if I was in your shoes! Maybe it isn't that you need help with your habits, its more that you need the physical help with the labor of cleaning and doing what you need for the home you want? If its possible to get either a nanny, or a cleaning lady in there (I'm not sure about your homes income) it will take that responsibility off of you totally. To put it into perspective, it sounds like you are in charge of keeping a home clean for yourself, another fully grown adult, and an infant child, while raising said child, and feeding you and your child and at times I'm sure your husband....while dealing with depression and loss... by yourself.... Now I'm sure some people on instagram can make it look easy or maybe some really have the mentality for it... BUT GIRL couldn't be me, and it sounds like it isn't what you want to handle right now alone. There is no shame in asking for assistance with home upkeep when you're already juggling so much. I'm sending you all my love, and support. 💕

[@amanda5889]

​@@gaylakay4132 You make a lot of good valid points. My husband is there for me but he is on disability so house chores usually fall on me. Since he isn't working and I am the sole provider a nanny/cleaner really isn't in our budget. Maybe a one time thing. But to be honest I am so ashamed and embarrassed I couldn't let someone in outside of my circle. I just feel like my house shouldn't looked lived in. I know that isn't how people live but its the mindset I have. Like I said my daughters areas are ALWAYS cleaned and with a toddler you can't leave anything out or you will be going to the er lol. But my quiet safe places like my bedroom is awful. Its not full of garbage just piles of junk I didn't know what to do with and set down. Honestly I cant even believe I am admitting it here. Its like I don't have the brain space to make decisions on where to put stuff or what to get rid of.

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

Dear Mamma Amanda! GaylaKay is a genius! in EACH of her videos she says to be gentle with yourself. Be kind & compassionate as you are a wife, bread winner, caring for your home & nurturing a tiny human! Peace in your house & Grace over your family! ~mke~

[@amanda5889]

@@tiffanyplaza1950 Thank you.

[@juliaevans9521]

Found this video really helpful as an adult with hoarding tendencies (not caused by parents). I have an unusual anxiety - during one of many moves my parents have got rid of irreplaceable photos and keepsakes without consulting us 3 children. I can't help but sometimes resent them not having the 'hoarder tendency' and so trying to hold onto them!

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

WoWzA! just when i was starting to feel "down in the dumps"- you REPLY to my comments AND POST a NEW video!!!! God Bless You! Mother Earth Bless You! May the food you eat NouRisH your body! & May the places in your home you declare are SacreD - continue to be cleaned by yourself & your partner as you both LovingLY Create an Environment that SUPPORTS your Healing & Well Being!!!! ~MicKEy~ {i used to manage an apartment complex called Tiffany Plaza & one of my fave flickers *films/ movies* is BreakfastAtTiffanys w/ Audrey Hepburn}

[@gaylakay4132]

We got that divine timing Mickey !!! I'm so glad this video came at the right time :) hope you're feeling better now! 💕

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

i previously mentioned i have been going to a support group for clutter since 2oo7. i recently called some of my "de- clutter buddies"& told them about your KZbin channel & what a breath of Fresh Air you are!!!! i have noticed the past few weeks as i have been out & about running errands/ grocery shopping/ paying bills - really focusing on my EMOTIONS when handling money & REALLY being iNTENTiONAL about buying QUALITY over quantity (like really reading ingredients in my cat food & not just getting the cheapest or 'best deal'- as this is a tool a wise therapist using Cog.Behv.Thpy taught me years ago when i was diagnosed with O.C. Personality D.- different than OCD- one of the flagships for ocPd is difficulty passing up a bargain) so i am CHOOSING to treat myself/ my critters & my home with DiGNiTY & ReSPeCT by selecting scented candles, incredibly beautiful lavender color geraniums that smell like LeMoN! aromatic GroWinG herbs like *orange mint* & basil, eco friendly cat litter made from walnut shells or corn cobs, etc. it is a PROCESS for me to LearN new patterns & practice new behaviors - i just have to remember i am constantly learning new things, growing in new directions & healing what was once trauma & using positive energy to TransforM my life! thank you GaylaKay for being such an inspiration! ~mke~

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

.... just another MiCRO comment on .... wheezing/ anxiety/ much needed dance break? would to LoVe 2 know what coping mechanisms/ techniques you use when feeling "vaklempft" {a Yiddish term} ???? when you pause recording to get grounded - what does that time look like for you? going outside? petting keybooo? journaling? etc. whatever you are doing is VALID because it's WORKING 4 you! ~mke~

[@Beingnessing]

Maybe you could start a gentle declutter and a capsule wardrobe cuts down on decision fatigue,amount of clothes(especially ones you dont wear).best to you.meditatiin and ir relaxation tapes are goid to.

[@gaylakay4132]

Love this!

[@budlong335]

Reading Bible for self with understanding changed my life and healed my broken heart is a lamp to my eyes and light to my path

[@davmatheophilus159]

You bear a strong resemblance to Ava Gardner (she was gorgeous).

[@gaylakay4132]

This brought a HUGE smile to my face. I always dreamed of playing her in a film about her life and her relationship with Frank Sinatra. Thank you for such a generous comment, she was so beautiful!

[@epd0126]

i get inspiration from watching cleaning and decluttering videos. i believing in residing in a healing and comfortable environment. i stopped watching videos about the dysfunction of hoarding and prefer to focus my time and energy on the comfort of cleanliness and an orderly environment. please focus on the way you want to live and not the way you use to live.

[@budlong335]

Love don't judge

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

when you say a simple thing like dusting.... for a NoN clutterER / NoN child of a hoarder.... doesn't seem like a "daunting or condemning activity" -(but CaN trigger those of us who maybe more sensitive) & almost accept shame/ hiding/ embarrassment as 'NormaL'. Again? How are you so Young & sooooooo Wise? ~mke~

[@tiffanyplaza1950]

i am touched by the amount of energy and encouragement you continue to Lavish on Each and Every person who messages you! i think we ALL DESERVE to hire professional cleaning service peeps/ MollyMaid?etc. when i was working 4 jobs 20yrs. ago, i hired a gal who came 1x week to clean ALL my floors (mostly oak hardwood & vinyl in kit/ laundry & bathroom). i was able bodied then & enjoyed washing dishes & clothes - as it was something i learned from my first college roommate@ age 18. Now that i have been diagnosed w/ Lupus/ labeled 'handicapped'7 years ago- i deserve a regular cleaning person more than ever! but alas, as i am not a Rockstar like Selena Gomez or Lady Gaga {they both have Lupus}- i somehow diminish or minimalize my NeedS are much more significant NOW than ever before? ~MicKEy~