How Long Does it Take a Widower to Fall in Love Again?

[@DatingaWidower]

How long did it take Abel to fall in love with Julianna? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/

[@Eleven-dk4be]

My gf recently passed a few weeks ago and I'm happy these kind of videos exist. Thank you.

[@huemanvoice8991]

Thank you. My bf cannot stop comparing me to his ex.. So I took your advice and ended it.

[@DatingaWidower]

You did the right thing. Stay strong.

[@Wookinpanub235]

Dang thats just wrong to do that to someone. Disrespectful to his late Wife as well.

[@RG-hf4et]

@@Wookinpanub235 Plenty of widowers do it.

[@bmcagent]

Thanks for the great advice. I'm 8 months in and was thinking the same thing, that if nothing advances by a year, I have to let him go and just deal with the heartbreak.

[@Gina-j4n]

This comment was 5 yrs ago. How are u doing? Did u stay together ?

[@bmcagent]

No. Moved on and in a much better long term relationship with someone NOT a widower.@@Gina-j4n

[@Sogetsugal]

I have been dating a widower for 19 months. His wife died 15 months ago. Before anyone gets too critical--he visited her every day in the assisted living where she was living with dementia. She did not know who he was. They were married for 30+ years. I was there when he held her as she died. Shortly after her death, he told me that he pledged to himself not to make any major changes in his life until 2 years after her death. That is still 10 months away. I'm actually happy with this arrangement (we are not living together, but live in the same neighborhood). I'm learning about how he deals with life's issues, and am not sure I want to marry him. We enjoy good times together, but have different political beliefs, so it may be that we won't marry, but will continue to enjoy each other's company. At the age of 75, there probably aren't a lot of men out there for me, and this is a comfortable relationship. I'm interested in knowing if anyone else has experienced anything like this. Thoughts? Suggestions?

[@shirleycolee861]

I'm thinking along your lines as I go forward a year after losing my husband. Unless I find someone who is an excellent fit, I feel it's better to be single.

[@Imlookingover007]

I have a similar relationship. I am now the one who isn't wanting to marry. We enjoy each other's company and see what happens later down the road. No hurry.

[@Wookinpanub235]

As far as different political belief go the best compromise is for you both to realize that both political parties are on the same side and beholden to giant corporations and their handlers and none of them care about us. They make it look good for the cameras and get us all hating eachother and if we ever realized this and we all smartened up the politicians would once again actually fear the people but were too blinded by the BS cult of personality. They all ended up voting for the giant omnibus spending bills and senseless foreign proxy wars. They all suck! And nobody is going to save you, me or anyone else unless you’re connected in their club. See George Carlin. Ive been so much happier since I distanced myself from all politics and I don’t own a TV.

[@Wookinpanub235]

@@shirleycolee861 hows it working after 2 years Shirley?

[@mikebonora2238]

Thank you for your video. I am a widower of three and a half years and this is still very hard for me. I have been taking a close friend out once in a while, we used to work together. I want to have a relationship with her but am scared of cheating on my wife, I know, kinda stupid, but that is how I feel. I have known my wife since kindergarten and we were married in 2005. She died in a fire in our apt in 2016. I never cheated on her, loved her to much for that. I still wear both of our wedding bands to this day, I find it to hard to take them off. I know that we took a vow to death do us part , that's the part that sucks. I may have lost her in death but there are no divorce papers so she will always be my wife, that is why it is really hard for me to find love again..I am 61 yrs old and tired of being alone, but still miss my wife so much. I don't understand how others in my position deal with this, please let me know.

[@DatingaWidower]

Hi Mike, feeling guilty is normal. When it comes to dating, each widower is on his own unique journey and no one had the same timetable on how fast they can open their heart to someone else. Before getting serious with this friend, I suggest doing small things to make yourself more ready to date and for a future relationship. For example, try taking off both wedding bands for a week and see how you feel after that week. If you're doing okay, find something else to do. If you're able to do small things like that, the guilt should become more manageable. Try it and let us know how it goes.

[@luzrodriguez1439]

For me is new I

[@rebeccagutierrez1960]

@@christopherchris6123 troll

[@louisesherwood7510]

Dear mike bonora I would like to comment you for being so honest, and I do sympathize with you which I know it is difficult in some days or nights but in due time it will pass to some good days with time ,have you thought of praying to God or even reading a passage each day that would be very comforting and give you happiness to our own being and great satisfaction to love and life. Thank you sincerely Louise Sherwood

[@louisesherwood7510]

@@DatingaWidower 8

[@joycelynszasz5102]

I LOVE your take on things.

[@nicolenelson4598]

My husband died over a year ago and im still furious over his death. Moving on is very difficult. Sometimes I wish my husband could send a man to me that he thinks will be a good fit for me.

[@DatingaWidower]

Sorry to hear about your husband, Nicole. If I can ask, why are you still furious?

[@nicolenelson4598]

@@DatingaWidower Because before his life was cut short we were having serious issues and many shattered dreams

[@DatingaWidower]

@@nicolenelson4598 Sorry to hear that. How awful. Has the anger decreased at all in the year or so since he's been gone?

[@nicolenelson4598]

@@DatingaWidower its up and down. Sometimes my heart just hurts for his family. He was a son, brother, uncle, cousin. I know its selfish to say but when it came to me he was not a good husband. Hints our shattered dreams

[@christopherchris6123]

@@nicolenelson4598 I know of a man who helped me get my ex back, here is his whatapp number [phone]

[@REV.995]

I married my wife less then 30 days after meeting her, went on to be married 42 years before she passed 2 years ago. I was her home nurse for 8 years as she slowly died, I still feel her loss and I am not sure I would ever want to start over. I am not dating and probably won't do it again. I don't feel I have the strength to go through that kind of loss again. Focusing my energy on myself.

[@Intrinsicat509]

Great video, really enjoy the matter of fact, realistic explanations. The only caveat I would throw out is to consider financial pros and cons. It sounded very much like the ring should be on the finger within a year, however college FAFSA status (step-parents must include their income, whereas an ex-spouse does not) and age-related widower pension levels should be considered. Tying the knot too soon could lead to a considerable financial loss. I've been with a widower for 8 years now - for all intents and purposes I consider us "married" but we're waiting until it's not a financial detriment to actually make it legal.

[@Wookinpanub235]

Smart. Hows it gojng after 6 years?

[@Intrinsicat509]

@@Wookinpanub235 Hi just saw this… We tied the knot officially October 2022! We’ve been together since 2010 but waited on the nuptials. There were some significant benefits he would have lost if we married any earlier. I can see where it would sound like an excuse to postpone or never actually commit, but on the flip side it would have been awful insecure of me to cost him those benefits. Anyway we’re happily married now … we will never have any big 50th wedding anniversary but I’m okay with that 😂

[@Wookinpanub235]

@@Intrinsicat509 No it just sound like you were making smart financial decisions. Who cares what other people think about not tying the knot soon enough or even at all. Im in the same boat if I het re married my adopted kids will lose their SS survivor benefits for college. Basically Ill have to remain single for another 10 years or they will lose that. I totally get it.

[@Intrinsicat509]

@@Wookinpanub235 It’s a tough situation to be in no doubt. But if your significant other can’t wait that ten years then they don’t have your best interest at heart. Ten years flies by, here’s hoping you find someone who finds the wait worth it.

[@Wookinpanub235]

@@Intrinsicat509 Thank you. Yeah its not really about the money but Id rather do it this way than to lose what the government owed the kids from stealing it from my wife for all her working years.

[@carmenvljn]

your videos are so helpful!

[@christopherchris6123]

I know of a man who helped me get my ex back, here is his whatapp number [phone]

[@paulfrench2115]

My wife passed in jan 18 at 38yrs old, I’m now 37 and carrying a lot of guilt, in recent weeks I’ve been getting a bit of attention from women (who are very attractive) but even the thought of being with someone else is frightening the life out of me...is this normal as I’m really struggling with this...and life in general 😞

[@DatingaWidower]

Sorry to hear about your wife, Paul. Your feelings are completely normal esp. since it's only been 2 months since your wife died. Just take things really slow. You need some time to adjust to this new normal. Just keep taking it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. No need to have a plan or feel like you need to have everything together. Just focus on you. Things will eventually work themselves out.

[@christopherchris6123]

@@DatingaWidower I know of a man who helped me get my ex back, here is his whatapp number [phone]

[@resianemaculate.]

Hey Paul French,I lost my hubby 9years ago. I think I am ready to get married. May the LORD give me a man after his own heart

[@roseb.7104]

I Lost my Husband 1 year and 9 months, it's been hard , all I want is to have friends, someone to make me Laugh Again, and when we are in your 60's , We have to be Careful !

[@robertwilliams450]

Been 5 years for me. All I can say is that those I thought we're my friends have turned their back on me leaving me isolated

[@christopherchris6123]

@@robertwilliams450 I know of a man who helped me get my ex back, here is his whatapp number [phone]

[@RG-hf4et]

@@robertwilliams450 Isolated how? Have you reached out to them for a visit or go out to dinner?

[@robertwilliams450]

@@RG-hf4et I h as very visited those that I know where they lived but when I invited them out it was no answer. Church was the same way. So after some time of putting out the invites the real them showed their faces. The last time I was in church I had told the pastors wife of all people that I had been diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Her reply was dont do that here then she turned around threw one hand up in the air and said bless him as she walked away. Needless to say I kept my mouth shut which took a lot of doing and I had never been back

[@RG-hf4et]

@@robertwilliams450 Then its time to make NEW friends....Join a group, volunteering is a wonderful way to get out and meet new people and get involved. Every organization, hospital, animal shelter, etc. needs volunteers even if it is stuffing envelopes....join a senior club....Things are hard right now with covid...

[@karenrawson4887]

I just started dating a widower a month ago. His wife passed 9 months ago. She was sick 6 years. He and his 2 kids 18&20 are starting to fly again. I’m really supporting him in going slow and I’m very understanding. What are steps I should take at the beginning

[@DatingaWidower]

1. Watch his actions not his words. 2. Don't be afraid to set boundaries. 3. Hold him to the same standards you would a single or divorced man.

[@karenrawson4887]

Abel Keogh this exact video helped me watch more and therefore have more open conversations with him and I fact he was really dishing out his own revelation and boundaries as you stated. Thank you!!!

[@karenrawson4887]

im replying to Sarah Tranchina/Bifulco who commented to me but I can not figure out how to reply to it..... Things are going really really well with my new BF. We have been dating now since June and very slowly....very slowly. Its quite magical and I have a world of respect for what he and his kids are going through. They both are now more accepting of him dating....we arent pushing that yet and I dont expect to meet them for some time. The 1 year will be mid November.

[@RG-hf4et]

Follow AK's advice and don't be too patient once you hit that year marker. A lot of widowers want band aide/" help me feel better girlfriends" and have no intention of being serious with you especially if you are the first or second person the widower is dating.

[@celinedumoulin4485]

Karen Rawson run if you want a life

[@lonelyplanet2021]

The widower and the the widow, is that a good match or its too much, so they get trapped in their previous experiences?

[@charlottemiller9125]

Glad to see you and made this video!

[@lindasewell9095]

ininnopwesome$Oz,

[@NancyYu-dm4ut]

Thank you so much sir i learn a lot from you

[@ronaldfank7187]

It's been almost 4 and a half years since my wife passed from cancer. For me there will never be another. My wife was my one and only. I will not betray my wife's love by trying to be with someone else. I don't see how it helps. So for me it's my wife or bust. I can't betray my wife for personal gain.

[@cheryljune1603]

How do you meet someone

[@stefaniewarwel]

Thanks Abel for your thoughts on this! Anyone some insight as to how this might be different for someone with minor kids (under twelve) and in a long distance relationship?

[@richricogranada9647]

Who knows that answer as it is very relative?

[@gmoreno2020]

I recently have been dating a man that lost his wife last October we've been dating for 10 months for the holidays he went to go spend three days with his mother-in-law and his ex-sister-in-law, for the Christmas holidays this is our first Christmas and he is not here he says it's for his son to spend time with his grandma and their family I'm really trying to be supportive I'm not upset that he is spending time with them but I'm upset because he lied and said that he was only going to be there for a couple of hours to exchange gifts now it's becoming 3 days I am worried once we do get serious that he is going to exclude me from these vacations with me and my daughters is this something I should be concerned about I love him and he has not once yet said he loves me I know he cares about me and he's an amazing man I feel left out and I'm really trying to watch these videos to understand how he feels I don't want him to feel like I am jealous because I am not I just feel left out am I wrong for feeling this way?

[@DatingaWidower]

You're not wrong to feel the way you do. You've been dating for 10 months and got kicked to the curb for the holidays. Not cool. What's your next step?

[@RG-hf4et]

@Gmoreno2020 Been in your situation....... Update?

[@aaronhersey8466]

My wife died in 2013. It took me 3 years before I was able to take off my wedding ring. I started dating someone 4 months after that. It lasted 6 months. Oh well not even upset about that. At this point I'm no longer interested in dating. I'd rather focus on myself now. Dating no longer interests me.

[@KidCity1985]

I feel the same way, I divorced 7 years ago. Dated here and there but tired of it, but I kind of feel like I'm cheating myself.

[@RG-hf4et]

The following may sound harsh but I am just being straightforward with all of you: Widowed people/ladies/gentlemen: Please don't date anyone until you are really, really sure you are ready to go out there and date and you are truly ready to move FORWARD. Please don't date to make yourself feel better or to mend your broken heart. If you are still grieving, if you can't take the wedding ring off or the thought of it is painful to take off, if you are just lonely, if you are sad and crying, if the thought of taking down pictures for a new relationship rips your heart out, redecorating your house will make you upset, if the deceased personal items/clothes are still in your house, if your kids & family are giving you a hard time about dating, etc. you are NOT, NOT, NOT READY to date. Too many unsuspecting/naive women are VERY hurt by widowers dating women who think the widower has good intentions but they are just really wanting to are looking for a human band aide & all you want is a "friend" or "company" & with all the benefits of a gf/bf relationship..........If you need "company" or a "friend", may I suggest volunteering somewhere to get yourself out of the house, to interact with others, make new friends, join a MeetUp Group (google it) & you can find plenty of people looking to join similar activities. Don't get involved in a ROMANTIC situation then say, "Oh, gee, I thought I was ready but I am not" and hurt other people in the process because trust me, you will. I was one of them.

[@phalynwilliams4119]

@@RG-hf4et, Exactly! Some of these widowers are just wolves 🐺 in sheep’s 🐑 clothing. Who are using their late wife’s death 💀 as an excuse to mistreat other women. Sorry 😞 but this is the truth.

[@amberisaac55]

My husband passed in 2014 , I think I'm ready to talk to someone but wondering if another widower would be a better idea then someone who doesn't understand , any thoughts ?

[@DatingaWidower]

amber isaac What do you mean by talk to someone?

[@margaretbolton9499]

Help, I'm so confused. I'm dating a guy I dated 30 years ago & he got ahold of me about 6 months after his wife died, which I was afraid was too soon. Everything was going great, we spent a lot of time together and enjoyed each other's company. All of a sudden he pulled back and says he's still in love with his late wife & is not ready for a relationship. Ok, he says he still wants to see me & go out so my question is should I end this or wait him out? Thanks!

[@DatingaWidower]

Margaret Bolton End it. Let him know that if he’s willing to get serious then he can have the benefit of your company.

[@divarose2017]

So, is this normal that you have been on 6 amazing dates but in between you do not hear from him and sometimes does not respond to a text. Sometimes I will send a heart emoji, but get no response, then I get confused if he is really interested? or is he sorting out his feelings? Its been a year since he lost his wife. The chemistry is through the roof :-))

[@DatingaWidower]

Not normal.

[@lauriansa3784]

The widower I'm seeing I met when I was in high school but he recently contacted me after his wife passed away last year. We have this strong connection and his already talking about settling down. Is this too soon?

[@DatingaWidower]

Depends. What do his actions say?

[@lauriansa3784]

@@DatingaWidower His acting the same way when we were teenagers can't stop smiling and looking at me. His very affectionate

[@RG-hf4et]

@@lauriansa3784 He is comfortable with you. Take it slow. You don't want to be the band aide girlfriend that mends his broken heart then moves on. And yes you can date, get involved, etc. & he could still put you in the "friend zone".

[@Garland67]

Oh dear.....my boyfriend and I have been dating 6 months and he's not in love with me yet. It's been 5 years since his fiance's death. I have a bad feeling.......Even though he says I'm very special and he's lucky to have me. I'm not sure if it will happen.

[@DatingaWidower]

Trust your gut. If you have a bad feeling, there's a reason for it.

[@RG-hf4et]

A guy feels it or he doesn't. Sounds like you are in the "forever friend zone". He's just not into you.....Hopefully, you have moved in from this guy. .

[@kathleencoleclough]

Lets call it a Respect Thing

[@janac2881]

Men & women are very different So leave it as is!! A girl thing Or a boy thing

[@RG-hf4et]

Wish I had this advice years ago. I wasted 5 years with a widower. Never again. I will never get those years back. I was the band aide girlfriend that helped him get over the late wife. Stupid me.

[@christopherchris6123]

I know of a man who helped me get my ex back, here is his whatapp number [phone]

[@Wookinpanub235]

Shame. Wonder why he was so apprehensive. My wife encouraged me to remarry and be happy. Of course the next woman would gave some pretty big shoes to fill in order for me to even consider another woman but if this woman just wasn’t right for me i would not let it drag out just cause I wanted to get laid.

[@RG-hf4et]

@@Wookinpanub235 There are plenty of widowers out there that will coast along for as long as they can in a relationship for companionship, love, attention, etc. & have no intention of living together or getting married. They are quietly very happy stringing someone along. Why rock the boat? Most women will get fed up & throw in the towel.

[@Wookinpanub235]

@@RG-hf4et Yeah thats pretty creepy to do to someone.

[@johnkeith2450]

@@Wookinpanub235 Or she could just fill her own shoes

[@christineplaton3048]

Ok it's me again. I'm dating another widower lol. He said anyone that marries him will be marrying his wife too because she's a part of who he is...and he wants his urn beside hers in a vault when he passes on. So.

[@annamariehewitt3173]

Walk Away.....

[@christineplaton3048]

@Harrison Joe greetings from WNY. They are gone. You can love a memory, but do you really want a new love relationship is the question. We arent just for one thing.

[@christineplaton3048]

Harrison Joe I'm from WNY and still single ;) . Hope you have been able to find someone you can open your heart to. It's a difficult world.

[@mavisdemas9087]

What is Episoketren System? We have noticed many awesome things about this popular training course.

[@jfishization]

My 80 y/o therapist said 1 year. Young little blonde con came into my life within weeks. Ran off with $200k of dead wide's jewelry....whoops, did not really care but she did other things which forced me to engage law enforcement. Should have a charge in two weeks. I have two women frustrated with me because I will not date them. I decided to listen to my therapist. Been married over 41 years, dated before then in HS. 63 y/o now, hitting gym regular, uninterrupted. I have three dogs. Okay for now.

[@roseb.7104]

Thank you !

[@kathleencoleclough]

That is the first time I've heard of a Boy Thing Girl Thing on time out of Respect for The Death of someone you Love

[@Dani84409]

So I met a guy. He's 34 & him and his wife has an 8 year old daughter together. Unfortunately, the wife passed away. It's been 6 months since her passing. He and I have been friends for 3 months. I want more, but his family was very very close to his wife and always reminds him if he brings anyone else around they will not be nice. Now I've been around his family bc he asked me to keep his daughter and I agreed, but they don't know I'm the "friend" they just think I'm the babysitter. So he feels that's the best way to do it bc I'll already be around and when we get serious they will already have been around me. He loves his family dearly and he just doesn't want to hurt or disappoint them, but at this point they know he's going to start dating at some point. I just think its selfish of them. Widowers, what do you suggest I do or handle the situation and to the ladies out there have you all ever had to deal with a widowers family not liking you and if so how did you handle it?

[@RG-hf4et]

Don't ever let this guy pass you off as the babysitter. This ticks me off just hearing this. ....I am sorry to say but you will not win in this situation. First, it is too early for this guy to be dating. And he is tooooo close to his family. There is a young child involved that is extremely close to the grandparents, etc. Obviously, the wife was young and the family/both sides are grieving terribly. They probably see the child all the time. Right now, you are a "friend". You are a human band aide. I was in your same situation where the the in-laws told him AT THE BURIAL SERVICE IN THE CEMETERY that he shouldn't even think about dating for at least 2 years. They were nothing but trouble, a constant thorn in my side and trouble in our relationship, lived on the other side of town, went to his same church. You two may be compatible on many levels but he is not relationship material RIGHT NOW unless you want to be at the bottom of his list and want to accept breadcrumbs. Don't do it. A man who cares about you will be proud of you and not hide you or pass you off as a babysitter. I hope by now you have figured this out on your own. Personally, I would tell this guy I like you but you and I are at different stages. I want a relationship. You still have to deal with the newness of bring a widow, your family can't deal with this, you can't proudly be with me, your family is too involved in your personal life, etc.......I have been through this. Walk away. Find a guy who is EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE FOR YOU. DON'T TAKE HIS BREADCRUMBS. You are better off with your cat or dog on a Friday night watching a good movie than putting up with this nonsense. You will never get back the time you are investing in this person. He has to date MANY people before the family will accept anyone into their herd. You never want to be a widower's first girlfriend. Trust me on this. You are a companion, a "friend", a diversion, a band aide for his broken heart.........Run from this situation.

[@rebeccagutierrez1960]

Run, girl!!!

[@mojavebohemian814]

2 years? Nope. Just like an engagement, 1 year...max.

[@christineplaton3048]

Some cannot. They have a closed heart. They had a love relationship and feel they remain connected to her. They will never let go of the memory, and any other woman can never live up to the now pedestalized memory of the one he lost.. If he cannot put himself willingly in a new relationship you have no chance. It's his personal choice to be happy as a couple or remain single. Some men blatantly say there will never be anyone he will allow into his heart ever again. That said, his other needs he's willing to get satiated. Just won't let his heart love again. Listen to Abel. There is loneliness, need...does he care about YOU as a person? There needs to be an emotional healing from the loss. You can't have him expect you to be the physical replacement, while staying in an imaginary love relationship with his now deceased wife. You can't live in the same house, or he's just conflicted. It's a new start or isn't. This is a very great crisis in a man's life. They need to be willing to meet you, and have the intention of full commitment. You can be involved with someone who is still keeping the candle burning in their heart for a lost love. Can he love again is Abel's point. Also, every couple has strengths, weaknesses. There are always some things that were less than ideal. There is No perfect couple. So there will be some area that's old baggage...we all have it after any relationship. Find out what was an area they struggled with. Try to not be the new problem... Work through both positive and negative aspects...

[@annamariehewitt3173]

Life is for the Living...Not for the Dead....

[@modestav.d.b4797]

Stutter too much

[@phalynwilliams4119]

Abel is doing great. You leave him alone.