Yes she is being insecure. Maybe she needs to stop sneaking into another woman’s home and bedding the husband.

#11 - If a widower is willing to date, he never loved his wife and he’s trash.

I married first girl at 19 yrs. unfortunately she drowned and died in few days.I remarried at 23 yrs my second wife.she lived with me for 12 yrs she met with an accident and died.i had 2 kids aged 12 and 6 yrs at age 35 yrs.i made a big mistake of marrying a widow instead of staying widower.i was shamed and most dusgusting experience i endured.mostly it was bad karma of past life .

Never build your house on another person's land

Present, future, pressing forward. Amen.

I worked thru my insecurities of polygny. I believe embracing some of those concepts may help. That's what all these videos remind me of. Two wives

NO TO WIDOWERS! I deserve better!

Is there a ‘ gentle ‘ way to ask your widower to please not discuss or bring up a past memory of his late wife in most conversations? (We have been dating about 9 months-I usually change the subject as quickly as possible). Thank you Abel

Ew. After reading that article, I can't help but think 1) how badly she needed our group and 2) how somewhat sick she was (as she realized later on) for keeping the late wife alive when even her husband didn't seem to need or want to. We talk about W issues? Well, that was definitely a her issue! Is LW still "present" in our home? Somewhat, mostly because her kids still live at home. Is she present in my H's and my day-to-day lives? No. I have a very strong sense that I am not her and do not ever wish to be, and fortunately, I have always gotten the impression from my H that it's one of the things he likes about me.

I am a widow out 17 years from my loss living with a widower who is 5 years out from losing his wife. We have been living together for a year now and he is a wonderful and loving man. I have struggled with tremendous insecurities about living in the shadow of his deceased wife. I live in the house they shared together with his grown children. I see a therapist regularly to work through my pain and insecurities as he and I build a life together in the “now” He cherishes his memories of good times with her but doesnt lord it over me. I do suffer reactive jealousy about her and that is just part of my experience loving and living with a widower. I think men can be much more sentimental about things than women, especially for past loves. It’s not easy but I believe in the “us” that exists today and grant him that “acre in his mind”

What do I do with all the memories, photos, letters, etc etc of his late wife?? He’s not holding on to them just not sure what to do with them.

I know a couple whos new wife is 20 years younger and shes perfectly comfortable with ber Husband talking about his deceased wife. She’s very patient and loving to him and understands his pain. She was in a bad marriage with a alcoholic and her new Husband is very good to her but she has a big heart and would never dare try to keep him from grieving the loss of his wife especially since diabetes ravaged her body and she suffered badly for years. It can be done but it takes a very special and caring person to do this.

I clicked on the link to read the essay but it is a subscription. Disappointing.

Wore her belt?!!!! What?!!!

I’ve been dating a widower for 8 months; we have an amazing relationship; he says he loves me, treats me like he does, introduces me proudly to everyone. Sounds perfect right? He still has all her pictures and things around the house and regularly tells me “I miss my wife”. I’ve recently started to mentioned that the pictures in the bedroom and her belongings in the bedroom really bother me; he says he can understand that but is not ready to get rid of them. I also told him it bothers be when he said he misses his wife. We’ve openly talked about that he will always love her , they were together for 40 yrs. He’s 63 I’m 60. He also says that although he misses her and has pictures doesn’t mean he can’t open his heart for me and love me. Should I believe him, is this part of the journey I need to be patient with or is he fooling himself and me.

My guy had grown kiddos that were absolutely rude to me. These are grown and married older Kids that wouldn’t even speak to me. I bent over backwards to attend their kids’ functions. Made them presents, was kind and classy. My guys son in law even stalked me and my kids and family online. Even accused me of not being a professional , saying I could be a fake. Whatever that’s supposed to mean. Only two cousins were welcoming to me. A year and a half I tried with this guy. Off and on. When do you say no more. I feel like the Romeo and Juliette of this century !! My guy didn’t want or at least wasn’t ready to move away or her our own place ! When do you say NO!! How many times should we try ?

Why would he get involved in a relationship?A week after his wife's death and then I met him.Everything was great, but he was seeing her at the same time.She's 17 years younger than they am.And made a comment that he's a lover, her life.They barely know each other

I would love a video on how to handle money. My late husband died with no insurance. My husband today has money and grow. Children that do not want me to have any of it. I would never take away from them but have express I would like in writing how he will take care of me should he pass first. I have a disability and cannot work. He was made very clear of my situation before with married.

I’m dating a widower whose wife passed 3 years ago. We are in a serious relationship and his kids who are both married age 28 and 32 are aware and have known we’re dating for the past 8 months. He has asked them to meet me however they refuse. He’s told them we are probably moving in together soon and possibly get married one day and he would really like for us to meet. He recently told them he understands their discomfort and they are grieving their mother as he still is as well. He’s told them I’m here to replace their mother. He told them recently that while they don’t want to me that going forward he’s not going to attend family gatherings with out me and they accused him of choosing me over his kids. How do we best deal with this?

I agree with almost everything he said. I am going through this myself and my reasons for dating is for the practice and experience. It is not that I need the sex or anyone to take care of me but because i want female companionship. That won’t come quickly so it is important to start trying. It is better to be socializing than sitting home licking wounds.

Wow, this was amazingly helpful and helped me gain perspective! Both of you are very lucky to have found each other ❤️ *Btw, do you still have the boxes of items from the late wife? I'm definitely going to sign up for your coaching sessions. The link that is posted doesn't work but, the option is found in your main menu and works great! Looking forward to it! I hope you much success and thank you for providing these insights for all of us that are struggling with this type of relationship 🙌

I'm so thankful to have found this video. My current situation. 😢

If we cannot love someone on a level as if we have never loved anyone else. Make them and treat them as #1 in our heart and life. It is our obligation to let them go so that they may find someone who can and will.

If we cannot love someone on a level as if we have never loved anyone else. Make them and treat them as #1 in our heart and life. It is our obligation to let them go so that they may find someone who can and will.

I have been dating my guy, who lost his fiance about 12 years ago. He has not processed his grief until last year when we had a really bad argument about him still having photos up on his social media of this woman and no photos of us. We have been dating close to 2 years and we have been seeing a couples therapist for the past 6 months who specializes in grief. We have been living primarily in a new place until recently and now are back at his place. He has a few of her things in his house, which makes me feel uneasy, including a wedding ring he got her, which he keeps in his sock drawer. We constantly have arguments about the items he keeps in spaces that we share. He feels that I should deal with it as, she is no longer with us and he stated that he needs to keep it safe. I feel as though my feelings do not matter and that I may never be number one in his life especially, as he hets extremely angry when I'm crying or try to explain why these things make me feel so uncomfortable... I love him, want a healthy relationship with him, and hope that he can heal. How should I cope when I don't feel comfortable in his place? What is a healthy path forward? I am honestly scared of what it will be like once he gets here ashes from the late fiancee's mother in a few months and, I'm not sure how much longer I can cope mentally about all of this on top of some other issues we are working through. PLEASE HELP 🙏💔

Provide Protect Profess…….

My widower tells me I spend 90% of my free time with you.,..10% w my adult children (who hate me)..you are making me choose between you & them,,,,,

My widower and his crazy family needed big time therapy. Ugh. Therapy can never hurt !!

This is very true. From personal experience they might be looking for... essentially someone to help them forget their wife. The widow will always love their late wife and If the new relationship has any issues they will grow resentment and miss their passed wife. This is so accurate it's unbelievable. I believe the new woman must have patience and diligent care. It's really not for everyone in all honesty.

Thank you for sharing this….. I’m in a relationship with a widower for 3 1/2 years…… I have excused his bad behavior and actually at times felt I was his therapist. In the beginning of our relationship he still had all of his late wife’s belongings everywhere including photos. He spoke about her very often and even referred to her as his wife, although she’d passed three years ago. Her passing is now 6 years on 7/30….. and he’s been moody and harsh to me lately. I’m confused and I do know for a fact, I let my boundaries blur because I felt bad for him yet at the sam3 time , we were embarking on a NEW relationship, yet I’ve always sensed that he was always thinking of her. It made me feel as if I were having an affair with a married man. So , after 3 1/2 years, it’s not too much better. I love him, however I do not feel as if I am truly the only woman in his life. Any advice, because I’m thinking of ending this relationship. It’s painful, but I do believe if you are in a committed relationship, that person should be first. He should learn to treat me as an individual, not expect me to fall in line and have essentially a reenactment of his relationship with his late wife. Any advice would be helpful and appreciated. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

Many needed therapy before the spouse died.

I didn't see a therapist immediately it was some months later when I realized I was struggling to figure out how to maintain a house and do things that months earlier I did without being asked by my wife . I felt like I had lost the ability to plan an agency on so many things and I needed an adult to talk through how I begin to start taking ownership of the problem and yes they were emotional aspects of the grief that also needed to be talked about but I was trying to figure out how to get my life on track afterwards because I had two kids I needed to take care of and I was worried about failing them

GriefShare is a great group counseling for anyone that has lost someone. After losing my husband of a little over 35 years together I wasn't suicidal but I didn't know how to even wake up the next morning. I am still grieving very deeply it's only been 16 months, but I learned how to cope through Griefshare. I am still working through my grief but without Griefshare I was slowly dying. I wasn't eating or sleeping and my hair fell out. I had to have biopsy after biopsy. I just went through surgery. I may have more surgery coming up. My husband died without a will. I can't began to tell you the legal woes. I don't know what I would have done without Griefshare.

Never build your house on another persons land

I lost my wife just this past January and started dating again in April. That is, in itself, another story. When I started dating again, I was ready, more or less, for it for I had been grieving since her initial diagnosis. I knew when I started dating that if it were to become serious, I would have to start clearing out my late wife's stuff, something I am doing, a little here and a little there as I can emotionally handle it. You are so correct about the feeling of relief that comes from doing that. My new girlfriend has been very understanding and supportive and makes no demands on me. If anything, she is the one who keeps me from moving too fast forward. I am emotionally, spiritually, and physically in a better place now than six months ago or even two years ago.

Widower since July 30, 2023. I will always wear my wedding ring. I have absolutely no intention or interest in dating or its equivalent (spending time with another woman, even in a casual setting). The ring is a circle. A circle never ends. Therefore, the love and commitment a ring represents never ends.

You are spot on…..same things happening to me. Only time we argue is over his adult children who has told him “we won’t nothing to do with you and her”. So he lives 2 separate lives. Me when they don’t want him……I feel like a mistress. I feel bad! 😢

I am a widower from a 31 year marriage. I would not want to get married again. This video makes some wonderful points that I would love to hear women counter. But I have not been able to hear a woman counter either argument. The truth is this, and this is a hard truth. As much as I loved my wife, and I did love my wife, there were times I wanted it out. There were some events that happened in our marriage that were pretty much intolerable. However, had I left the marriage. My wife would’ve taken half of everything I owned and my kids. My kids would hate my guts. Kids almost always take the mother side. This was something I never realized until I was in it. My wife got a horrible form of cancer and died. I am not glad she died at all. It was horrible. I was her caretaker and stayed with her till her very last day. But there is no way I would sign up for that again. I will not sign away my freedoms and agency. I will not give another woman the ability to take half of everything I own. I know they have prenup agreements. Ask most women if they would be happy to sign one. if this is all about love, shouldn’t you want to make sure that I am protected as well? No thank you. I way way way the girlfriend experience. This keeps everybody at their best. Because if they want to end up like a jerk, we simply terminate the relationship. I can’t take away anything from you and you can’t take away anything from me. You live in your own house which is decorated and cleaned to your exact standards. And I live in my own home which is decorated and cleaned to exact standards. Come on ladies, tell me why I should get married . Tell me what I would get from marriage that I could not get from a girlfriend.

I dated a widower 6 months after his wife died and married him within 9 months. He was perfect for me and I for him. 38 years later, I am now the widow.

If a reminder from the past is such a "gut punch" then perhaps getting into a serious relationship, let alone married, less than a year later (1st Mother's Day) was too soon for this individual. Don't blame the reminder or well-intentioned friends when the problem was him rushing to move on.

It seems then, after watching this video, I have done everything right. I haven't let my adult children dictate my life choices, I have a will in place, and I have tried to keep the lines of communications open.

So it is okay for you to force your children to choose but it is unfair for them to ask you the inverse? Your kids should take precidents you cant replace them. You dont care that having to watch your relationship is physically and psychologically painful for them. My bet is with your first time you had 1 on 1 time with your kids, but now this new woman is around you are unwilling to? So the kids get to lose a mother and then be bumped down your priority list when you decide to replace the first wife. Your kids our your future. While some of the stories work out you should share the ones where children never speak to their parent again so people know the risks that come with your advice to.

Apparently you can replace a spouse, good luck replacing one of your kids. Even adult kids should be your number 1 priority, they are your future. You can require that your partner not go without you to see the grandkidskids and trust me no one wins. If you want to see your partner hurting go ahead and make that requirement. You demanding he pick you over his children makes you worse than the adult kids. You may have a place in the widows life, but you dont have a place in his childrens lives. Allow him to go be with his children/grandchildren without you is my advice. You dont have to be disrespected, he gets to have both in his life, and the kids dont have to be reminded that their mother is dead everytime they look at you.

I always feel good about my relationship until I watch these videos. Lol

I need to ask all some advice as I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive. Scenario: my past boyfriend of 1.5 years was post wife’s death over 2 years. During the 1.5 years I was his girl he had 6-7 functions with his grown 40 year old kids in secret . Dinner and church events with relatives, ceremonies where they’d bring stuffed animals made out of her old clothes , outdoor adventures with ceremonies for her, for her birthday, Christmas, death day , Mother’s Day, etc. My issue is he lied about it or covered it up. This was after he asked me to marry him. I’ve been widowed twice and I assure you that I simply send a group text out to all the adult kids . Needless to say to say I broke up with him because to lie to me about it was disrespectful and I never figured it would stop. Going forward I am trying to learn from This and want to ask you all if I’m being too sensitive ?

Note to all the ladies out there: don’t be the First Lady a guy dates after his wife’s passing. Be the second girl or etc after the death after years have gone by. My guy had so many kinks to work out. It’s been hell. He’s gotten a bit better but I say possibly 3 years after death is best???

"my wife used to...." Another version of "My mother used to..."

This is so true. Whether divorced or widowed. Kids can dictate the future or you can choose to move forward

I may give up for a bit. And take a break. Csnt seem to find a good man. They all are dysfunctional, selfish, hooked on porn, controlled by grown kids, want you to bend to their life and do everything their way. It’s ridiculous. I may just get a dog. lol 😂

I disagree. The guy could’ve just been making a statement that he believes the grief has no time. For instance, many people think that one year is the magic number for grief to end, which is total bullshit. I think the guy is a realist and he may not be absolutely, stuck on his wife with grief. Everything is not so black-and-white maybe you should talk to the guy yourself and find out what he meant by that before jumping to conclusions.