How Much Is Too Much Information During The Dating Phase? (Ep. 10)

[@cashmere109]

I just wanted to say that you both are beautiful, eloquent, and extremely introspective. The content you post is inspiring and a beacon of optimism and realism for Black lesbian women. I am a 27 year-old Black lesbian and to see older Black lesbians who are living in their truth (not conforming to the social pressures of heteronormativity) thriving, full of wisdom, love, emotional awareness, community and positivity is a blessing and lets me know that black lesbians belong and are a part of the future . Sending love and light!

[@TheShellaSpherePodcast]

We truly appreciate these words! Thanks for chiming in!

[@NelciaofTheShellaspherePodcast]

Appreciate you 🙏🏾

[@Bumblebee0819]

Dating is the discovery and get to know you stage. You shouldn’t have to tell everything upfront but as time goes on and you both decide to get serious, full transparency is needed at that point .

[@Rita30rage]

Exactly😊well said

[@allahshas4498]

Yea for me I think it's weighing out the options...

[@kellirai35]

Truth 😅

[@latashajordan2893]

Exactly!🗣💯 as times go on, the more, and more you talk to that person, True colors will start to come out, and you can find out things Without even asking. They can Hide Forever

[@chunter7782]

I’m one of those ppl that HATE to be questioned.. natural chemistry flows conversations.. it is so important to set boundaries and expectations in the beginning while be consistent with what your output is. Don’t show up with a hand full that you can’t keep open.. you give space for woman to fall in love with your wallet instead of your heart.. Time tells all!

[@lovelyval4397]

Damn I like this episode. I love the question about doing to much and having down time. I’m learning how to give my girl space. I want to do a lot, speak to her all day and it’s because I’m clingy lol and we are on a long distance relationship. So now I’m learning to give her space, give her time to miss me, having movie night together without having to ask so much questions and sitting still with her and without her. Learning healthy boundaries and letting go of old habits is hard.

[@amberyoung5192]

Feel you when you said, “We can sit here and breathe for a little bit.” I used to get bad anxiety when that happened, but now, it’s like sit here and hold space and let it be.

[@infinitekharisma]

For me.. I think when you’re really into someone they can never be overly affectionate. You tend to welcome that energy or at least I do. Good conversation once again. Keep glowing and growing ✨💜💜💜✨

[@organizewithlu]

It has been my experience, when the energy is reciprocal, and it is clear you are both into each other to naturally ask if you are talking to or dating multiple people.

[@NoSauceBoss-sm6zx]

I def wouldn't talk about finances on the first date.

[@latashajordan2893]

Yes, there were Plenty of Guys that asked me a Question that turned me off, and that was my last Damn Date. Please do not ask me about my Sex life, or when i first did it, cause i'm gonna call it Quits Real Quick in a Heartbeat. If that Guy Constantly bring Sex up, and it's not other Questions to wanna know me as a person, then that tells me what he is all about, and that he want 1 thing. I only Believe in Intimacy after we have Commited to eachother, cause that is Natural to of Course get Intimate with your Partner after awhile. I'm not a Sex Object, and i do not wanna talk about Sex all Damn day, and everyday. It is very Annoying to me.

[@Twon-ki5kw]

Do one about being too materialistic

[@NelciaofTheShellaspherePodcast]

We will put this on the docket! Thank you 🙏🏾

[@teresamarie7460]

I would think before exchanging numbers it's important to ask if they are dating others and do any of them think y'all are exclusive. I don't want anyone calling or stalking me to fight about why am I "dating" their person.

[@sacredtaropy777]

Transparency is really big for me during dating so I don't have too many topics that I won't discuss as time progresses. But attachment style is something I keep an eye on. Is communication healthy? Are they emotionally mature? A big thing for me is do you cook? Because if you can't or won't put forth the effort then I lose interest eventually. But that's because I'm a foodie.

[@WonderZoneFree]

I definitely needed this episode

[@theselfcenterllc]

Okay so 2 things.. #1, Listen I have no idea how to be surface like, at all. So I'm no help there 😅 Cause during the dating or "getting to know" you stage, out the gate? I need to know about her Spiritual Hygiene. That alone will determine how much energy I'm going to expend towards building with her. #2. I look forward to the uncertainty of first date convo jitters. I'm already awkward when I "like" a woman in general (which is rare), LOL on top of not knowing when women are flirting or "like" me for real.. So how she reacts, and her natural ability or inability to flow with my awkwardness, will also help me gauge how much energy I'm going to put towards a potential intimate-relationship. With this in mind, She will probably be the one to initiate the date tho. Just being real with myself on that part. #2.5 As I write this, I think I want to start dating/vetting for friendships. As I've healed, matured, outgrown my old ways & the environments/people aligned with that version of me, I legit just want to experience love On some platonic-intellectual compatibility type shit. My intellectual-match, platonically speaking? A nigga lowkey starving! 🥴 I know this is about romantic dating tho so I'll stop there. 🙏🏾

[@kellirai35]

I completely understand my intellectual equivalent seems like the hardest thing in the world to find. To me that is the start of true friendship. Love your comment I wish you all the best on finding what you want

[@theselfcenterllc]

@@kellirai35 Likewise. And I appreciate the kind words. 🙏🏾

[@illicitjoy1]

This is my new favorite podcast, I get so much work done now!

[@TheShellaSpherePodcast]

We truly appreciate that!

[@allahshas4498]

I agree let the persons know if they are the only one from the door.

[@shannonh333]

I have been in a relationship for 8 years. Sometimes I look back on how open I was with her in the beginning and I shudder because she could have really taken advantage of me. However, she didn't and our relationship is the best thing to happen to me. Honestly, I don't think we would be where we are now if we did not start off being an open book. With that being said, I get being careful but here's the thing - when you meet your person it is to your benefit to be straight up.

[@latashajordan2893]

Yassssss Girl, if you Discuss what happened in your Pass, that person will take you through the same thing that other person took you through. They will Definitely Pretend to be something they are not by Playing that Role of what others did to you, Which is Childish. I don't know why they do that. They should come into your life to make things better for you, and to show you that they are gonna Treat you better than your X's Instead of doing the same Played out Bullshit they did to you. That is not Cool at all.

[@latashajordan2893]

I'm gonna have to try that XXL Wine 🍷 cause i Love Red Wine 🍷 and i would Love to try other Kinds, like New ones

[@allahshas4498]

Talk and learn as we go

[@latashajordan2893]

Great Topic to talk about. On the 1st Date, i don't think in my Opinion that Sex should be Discussed. Just Focus on getting to know the Important things of a person what their Intentions are, what Potentials they have, what their Goals are in life. The Conversation gotta start somewhere, but don't ask Personal Questions

[@VegMadeEasy]

For a first date , no topic is off limits. But I do agree and I have learned that you can't give people the blue print. Because if so they may fake being the person they know you want until their true colors spill out. I don't feel the need to ask body count ,I feel I'm past the age of caring about that. My concern now and back in the day was that person being STD STI free. But I am open to speak about any subject and I don't feel intimidated at all to ask whatever comes to my mind that I want an answer to. I've not ever been on a multi hundred dollar date I don't think that is necessary especially not right out the gate. And yes too much affection to the point you feel smothered is too much for me and irritating. Example your home with your lady and she kisses you when you are about to walk past her. Then when you leave the room and come back she kisses you again.. then when you sit down she kisses you again.. like some women/people can be a lot with their affection. And that is ok for someone but not for me personally. Yes be affectionate, yes be touchy but don't smoother me. And I'm a home body who enjoys being home so we don't always have to be out doing things. The world moves fast enough I enjoy slowing down and being with my person.

[@Cable796]

I gotta crush on Nelcia ❤

[@AmberTopps]

Dating is dating but once you decide that you’re gonna be exclusive

[@crissyrichy]

Yeah if they start trauma dumping on the first date it’s time for me to head out

[@chunter7782]

First date last date- Being rude, overly generous and aggressive

[@sarahbabyj61988]

I have bipolar ways and I’m a sweetheart!!!!! That person just was fighting something and you were there so they used you to unleash the wrong way I think

[@suavean2647]

Im with Temp we dont ask that on 1st date getting 2 know & vibe 1st 2 c if i want 2 go further b4 asking if they r with some1

[@Zia-c2j]

Don't need to know body count period, let alone during the dating phase

[@justthelpodcast]

If you’re trying to get to know someone you should let them know the basics, lifestyle, religion, upbringing and financial situation. The deep stuff like childhood trauma should come next

[@YondiasHill]

❤❤❤

[@kellirai35]

First date no nos being rude to waiters or other people, asking for opinion on looks or looking for external validation and talk about finances

[@Rita30rage]

❤❤❤❤😊

[@sarahbabyj61988]

I’m a open book I think I talk to much when I get comfortable because I don’t really talk a lot if I’m not comfortable fully. I’m a listener and a responder tho

[@chanell_le3]

❤

[@sarahbabyj61988]

I’ll ask off bucks only because I don’t want to step on no toes. I talk a little different so I’ll be like you seeing someone or do you have a lady friend.

[@whitthelawyer]

I’m definitely asking what do you do on the first date. I’m not asking about your $$ but I want to know you have something going for yourself and your hobbies although helps me get to know you better doesn’t tell me enough. Ppl have hobbies that don’t bring in money and I’m not taking care of you because you want to be a rapper or a goat farmer. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@chunter7782]

Overly affectionate woman give me whining vibes.. Huge turn off!

[@allahshas4498]

My first question is how does she grieve?

[@TheShellaSpherePodcast]

What are you referring to?

[@allahshas4498]

@TheShellaSpherePodcast after a few dates as I'm getting to know her, I might ask how she grieves? Because maybe I might meet her during a time she's lost a loved one. Orrr, maybe she's still grieving(it doesn't expire), and lately, I've come across some women that have lost someone closest to them, and I always say I'm open ears and arms with a mouth shut.

[@hollelegend1740]

So question… since you both are going to start dating again, what are absolute no’s for you? Are there age restrictions? Being in your 40’s, would you do long distance? Having dated women with kids previously, would you again? lol that was a lot but I’m just picking y’all’s brains.

[@TheShellaSpherePodcast]

We’ll add these to our ending questions, or create entire episode to answer them.

[@mitzfitmusic]

Naaa it’s not in your head, I’ve been with people who don’t know how to be still in the moment because they are trying to ‘hide’ what they really are about. It’s easy to be someone you’re not when you’re constantly having “a good time” and doing things.

[@stilltip0517]

No Taurus slander please 😢😂

[@teresamarie7460]

Not talking about things that are important to you long term until later is manipulation. You're trying to get someone to fall in love with you under false pretenses. However, that will NEVER work with me because as soon as you activate your real self I will deactivate our relationship.

[@suavean2647]

Didn't know nikki owned xxl😮i like