How my sexuality changed - real life of a fluid man

PLEASE NOTE THIS VIDEO IS A PERSONAL ACCOUNT OF NATURAL BISEXUAL FLUIDITY. IT IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM ENDORSES A BELIEF THAT SEXUALITY IS A CHOICE OR CAN BE CHANGED FOR MORAL OR RELIGIOUS REASONS. THERE IS AN IMPORTANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO.
Have you ever wondered if your sexuality is changing? Do you feel that your sexuality has changed or might be changing?
This video discusses what changing or fluid sexuality can look like and how it feels. I am a fluid bisexual man and my sexuality has changed a lot over the course of my life.
It’s not something that gets talked about very often but there are so many people who experience questions around it, so I want to broach the subject in a healthy, authentic way.
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[@notdefining]

Please note that this video is a personal account of natural bisexual fluidity and in no way endorses a belief on any level that sexuality is a choice, a mental illness or can be changed for moral or religious reasons. It is important to understand the distinct nuance around this. Please don’t hesitate to ask any questions you may have in the comments. I am be more than happy to answer if helpful. Thanks so much for your understanding.

[@timothycardoso1364]

I love what you said, it's not about being a man, it's about the fact that you are a man, however, just one type of man. That really speaks to me.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for saying. I’m so glad it speaks to you. It’s one of the biggest lessons of my life. Kind of set me free.

[@someonesomeone25]

Sexual.fluidity is a real phenomenon. My sexuality changed in my 40s

[@notdefining]

Hey there. Thank you so much for sharing this? How was this for you? How did it feel?

[@someonesomeone25]

@@notdefining It was unexpected and sudden, though I had lost my sense of gender a couple.months prior. It wasn't an issue for me, just something new to explore. I'm pretty easy going about such stuff.

[@craigfrancisjohnson]

I love the concept you describe of being in a masculine body but the spirit being of no gender ❤

[@danielowen9210]

I discovered your channel last night and everything you talk about resonates with me. We are kindred spirits. I came out as gay long ago and quickly solidified as that. Recently I started exploring the possibility that I am bi and realized my understanding of bisexuality (Kinsey 3) was totally outdated, I do in fact easily fit within the Robyn Ochs definition. And I feel liberated! I'm looking forward to watching all of your content as time permits. Will definitely consider joining.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much. I’m delighted that it resonated with you. You are most welcome here with us. Let me know you’d like any further info at all. Here for you. ❤️

[@DrDelightful]

Thank you for breaking down your journey. I would love to meet a man like you one day ! it’s definitely harder coming from a Caribbean culture . So your video brings me joy for accepting others thank You brother . The#DelightfulRevolution🌈

[@notdefining]

You are so welcome. If you ever want to join me for group video chats or 1:1s check out our Patreon.com/notdefining. You would be so welcome.

[@josebernaolalicetti6751]

Thank you for your honesty, Mark! On such a complex topic that could lead to some missinterpretation, the fact that you choose to share your personal individual story is inspiring and appreciated. And in my case, I relate quite a lot. Best regards!!

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing that you relate. I’m so glad we can relate on these things. Sending so much love.

[@paulhaas7176]

I relate to your experience so damn much. Thanks for sharing.

[@notdefining]

Thank you so much for saying. Every time someone relates to me it helps me too.

[@diamarieful]

I respect your journey, and I think it's beautiful that you've been able to move away from shame and into ways of expressing yourself through sex and gender that are rooted in love and appreciation for yourself (especially the parts of you that society has narrow-mindedly told you aren't welcome). As someone who was raised in a very homophobic environment, I have to confess that videos like this raise alarm bells for me because I have homophobic relatives who I know would literally use this video to argue that same-sex attraction can be changed or that it's the result of psychological issues. Definitely keep speaking your truth and talking about your experience of fluidity, which I'm not trying to diminish. Shifts in attraction and sexual expression are normal, even within the binary orientations... like to use an example I had a gay friend who maintained he wasn't attracted to 'feminine' guys, and then when he'd processed a bunch of internalised homophobia, he realised he was very attracted to them. But I guess I do think it would be wise to throw in a few words to ward off the homophobes about it not being a 'lifestyle choice', psychological issue etc. It's unfair I know but most of the world still thinks that same-sex or same-gender attraction is at best a psychological disorder and at worst a crime against nature.

[@notdefining]

Thank you so much for raising this honest, respectful and completely valid point. I couldn’t agree more. It is such a monumentally difficult topic to address because of all the reasons you rightly mentioned. So it takes me a huge amount of thought to try and couch it in the right way. I tried my very best to caveat it right at the beginning of the video but I also take your suggestions as well and will definitely add them in if I talk about this in the future. I’m actually going to write it right at the start of the text description and maybe in a pinned comment as well. Thanks for suggesting. I absolutely abhor the way that homophobia has destroyed our ability to talk about sexuality in an educated way. The ignorance is beyond ludicrous. The truth is that sexuality and gender are like any trait. They are diverse. They are spectrums. No two gay people have the same “sexuality”. No two men or women are the same “gender”. In the same way as we accept gender fluidity, trans and other gender diverse people, so we must also accept and educate about sexually fluid and multisexual people. Anyone who tries to use this as an excuse to abuse others is lost but we cannot let it stop us from speaking our truth. The bi+ community is suffering monstrously from binary perceptions of sexuality as I see everyday from the people I mentor and coach. Traumatised by their sexuality changing and not knowing what to do. So was I. So it is my duty to speak about it. I’m so grateful that you watched it and took the time to give your feedback. I really appreciate it. I make these videos to speak in the most authentic way possible about my truth. The hope is that it provokes thoughts, healing and inspiration for others. That’s all. So if people relate that’s great and if people have different experiences then that’s even better. I love to have the diversity of experiences reflected in the comments. It’s all part of it. So thank you for raising this and for raising it so kindly. It’s a very sensitive issue (I was a victim of conversion therapy and grew up in a very conservative homophonic environment so I feel it. I really do). There are thousands of people searching these terms into KZbin every day, desperate to find answers. My hope is that they land on my page rather than the toxic, harmful pages out there. Sending so much love. Mark x

[@diamarieful]

@@notdefining I feel churlish responding to such a long, thoughtful comment with such a short reply but I wanted to reply the moment I saw this and I'm late for work... Just wanted to thank you for such a graceful, thoughtful, respectful, compassionate and understanding response. Hopefully I reply more later... but if not... thanks for being a good human and don't stop being you out loud x

[@notdefining]

@diamarieful thank you so much. I appreciate this so much. I’m wishing you a great day at work! 😍

[@shuuheihisagi3148]

So based on what you said, you used to have more platonic attraction towards women and then you found out there was something else that you unconsciously "hid" (idk the right word). Sorry for my bad English. Your videos have helped me a lot to understand myself better

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for saying. Kind of yes. You got it. It’s complicated. But yeah.

[@someonesomeone25]

Sexual fluidity is real. I've changed a lot over my life.

[@notdefining]

Thank you for saying this.

[@christina91ism]

That was a very important discussion, thank you.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for saying.

[@joemarx]

Thank you! So helpful!

[@jonathanmiller9235]

Two things: I need to know if it takes a lot or so much for you to get angry, and if you stay mad at people forever once they piss you off. I published my memoir last week! Although, I have no idea when it'll come out, big bro! Take care and have a great day!

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

Mark, as always, I'm in awe of your beautiful soul and eloquent way of expressing yourself! Thank you for making and sharing this video☺💕 So if I could simplify this, would it be accurate to say that embracing your gender/true self made you much more attracted to women? How old were you when that attraction grew, and was it a subtle or rapid increase? Thanks again!🤗

[@notdefining]

Ah thank you so much for your beautiful words. It means a lot. This stuff is not easy to describe so I’m really glad it is appreciated. Yes what you have said is correct. Though it is so deeply complex that this sentence alone is not sufficient to explain it. It went up and down. It still goes up and down and back and forth. What I have described here is the most immense simplification of something which is utterly incomprehensible and endlessly diverse. But there were key points I think at around the ages of 14, 18, then 22/23, then 26, then more recently in my 30s. Its definitely subtle and not a rapid increase.

[@Nicole-yx8ms]

@@notdefining thanks for getting back to me!! That makes sense. And all the while this was happening, you were also struggling with SOOCD? I relate to how you've felt about yourself and your identity, except that I was born female. I think I am partly woman and partly fluid/nonbinary, but I've also wondered if I maybe just don't feel "enough" of a woman, that my low sense of self-worth is having an effect. I wish that I looked the way the women I'm most attracted to do, but I just feel deficient. Is any of that relatable for you? Thank you always Mark!!

[@isaiahreno]

I went from straight to bi in about 2 months 😮 I literally watched a South Park episode with Tweek and Craig and that made me start questioning my sexuality 🤣 Of course, there were a bunch of other factors that led to my conclusion that date back to over a year ago, but the serious consideration started about 2 months ago

[@shayneparker1512]

I appreciate this video Mark. I have appreciated your videos for a long time now.... I am still learning to navigate my sexuality as I keep making the mistake of getting into a monogamous relationship with a woman and then having anxiety inside of it with consistent thoughts about homosexuality. I am learning to grow more comfortable in my ability to be sexual with a male as I am a male as well but what scares me the most is losing my attraction to women all together. I believe this is going to take some time to figure out and work on as well as communication but I fear the thought of me being 100% homosexual. I am not homophobic at all and feel very comfortable with fellow queer people but deep down inside of me, being with a woman brings me pleasure and it's been hard to navigate through the anxiety and not hurting anyone.

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks for saying. You are so not alone. If you would like to receive specialised mentoring or 1:1 coaching to support you with this check out Patreon.com/notdefining or notdefining.square.site. We have a whole community of people who totally get what you’re going through. Otherwise I’m just happy to know the video content is helping. I’m always here if you have questions. Sending love. Mark.

[@usskren]

Hey, I believe orientation cannot really change, but on the other hand, your interest towards possible partners and the things that attract you from others DEFINITELY shift throughout time and experiences. I enjoyed your video a lot, sexuality is such a deep and complicated subject. As a heterosexual I can see beauty and attractive in your mixture of masculinity and femininity.❤

[@timonc6302]

He stated in beginning that sexuality does not 'change' but that he's sharing his changes towards sexuality.

[@tolstoy431]

It is great to see you are WAY more happy than before Mark.....The way you explain it really makes your gender fluidity more sence.....Thanx for the insight.....Maybe we all should TRY ( and especially younger kids, to stop this AWEFUL bullying ) to stop molding people into something they are not....We should stop this stereotypical rolemodel, a guy should be like that....a woman should be like that. Accept the man who he is, and accept his uniqueness, authenticity.....Different colours, right!!! People have to get used to this approach of each other, there is a lot of misunderstanding, this needs time unfortunately. But anyway I am glad for you that you found your PRECIOUS SOUL again Mark. It is your greatest gem. Don,t let anybody harm your soul again. Protect it like a pitbull..... hugzz from Hans

[@notdefining]

To connect with me and support my work, click "JOIN" or become part of our private community at patreon.com/notdefining. For 1:1 coaching check out www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. We'd love to welcome you in...

[@ribcribsbest]

This video is 14 min long and I learned so much life changing information in the first minute and 30 seconds

[@boblouis1659]

I love your videos! I have a question on "changing sexuality". I'm a gay man who is a 6 on the Kinsey scale. Is it that one's sexuality changes? Or is it what an individual finds attractive evolves over time? My attraction to men was originally limited to a specific type. As time went by, men who I would not have been attracted to at a younger age I now find to be quite handsome. Do you think this could be the case with bisexuality? Maybe being attracted to women first because that's how society programs us to think, and as time goes on you find more and more individuals attractive. Just a thought.

[@raf5420]

No probably more like, today i like guys more tomorrow i like girls more and it changes al the time

[@moviesreviewandotherstuff467]

I recently started to see some of your video and for the first time in years i felt seen. When i was a teenager (now i'm 26) i was sexually and romantic attracted by boys and girls. So i decided to came out to my family and friend about my bisexuality. In the last year i noticed that my fantasies were directed exclusively to men. I panicked, because the idea of coming out as gay to my family and friend and once again have to rebuilt my identity was terryfing. Then i saw your video on the bi cycle and i felt i bit of relief, because i still have romantic feelings for girls, but sexually i am attracted to guys. It is possible that the cycle can last for more than few days and even for years?

[@notdefining]

Hey thanks so much for sharing. You’re not alone in this. Yes it’s possible that the cycle can last for longer or shorter time periods. Sometimes years yes. In my experience as a specialist coach working with many clients on this, the more you repress or ignore the feelings towards one gender, the more they get stuck. The more you can embrace, acknowledge and integrate all your attractions, whatever they may be, the more likely it is that the cycle will stabilise and become less stark.

[@johnwesterfield-moses2823]

Thanks so much for this I actually discovered you yesterday on Insta & today you were on my tl here. I have known I was attracted to men since the summer I turned 3 I discovered hairy chests. I was a very different kid not like other boys at all I was very much like a girl & i really thought my life would be easier as a girl as a kid. Luckily it was the 70’s & there was no stigma about playing with dolls or girl toys I was a mix of both & my fam treated me as such not as a negative but as a protection for me. I was okay just being me & I was outed in hs & I came out a an angry queer boy. I realized that it was okay to be girly or like girl stuff I didn’t 13:47 13:47 I did not want to change my gender. When I was 25 in Seattle I discovered gender queer & it was perfect for me I am happy being me nonbinary & I prefer folks to use my name not use pronouns. I have been solidly queer in my sexuality I did have 2 sexual encounters with women it just wasn’t my thing. In the last few years I realized I am Pansexual I am really attracted to trans men my sexuality shifted & changed & expanded. Thank-you for discussing this.

[@notdefining]

Hey thank you so much for sharing and for your kind words. Every time we share our unique experience, it helps someone else feel more seen. So thank you, and welcome aboard! I'm so glad you're here x

[@Jess-wk5jo]

I have question for you over lgbtq. I have always wonder if fancy girls i starting questioning myself back in high school when start to fancy singer call jessie j i didn't want stay to myself that i did then see tv show like eastenders and coronation street that lesbians storyline in it then one coronation street Storyline two girls call sian and Sophie where lesbians then i start having crush on sacha parkson who plays sian powers on coronation street then i start fancy vanessa hudgens who in high school musical i fancy peter andre and zac efron and corbin bleu but only can see myself dating boys not girls i can't face coming out as bisexual because how much i love my love of my life stephen who i know from college and but i fancy my mum friend sue son jack and then i have feelings my ex friend morgan who harssed me last year on WhatsApp and Pinterest and normal text messages but then i starting having crush girl who was on 90 days fiance call Erika Owens please can you answer my question. But turth is i what be with boys then girls but I don't know how stop thinking about it

[@notdefining]

This is perfectly natural and sadly it’s common that we can’t stop thinking about it. Check out the videos on my channel about HOCD and obsessive thoughts. Then try my meditations. These can hopefully get you informed and feeling much stronger and more calm about things. If you’d like personal support from me and to meet others who really understand and can relate, check out Patreon.com/notdefining or notdefining.square.site. I am a specialised coach in this area and would be more than happy to support you. Take it easy and let me know if you have any more questions. You’re not alone with this.

[@jeffreyerickson6766]

Yeah when I went from nerd to good looking, women like me which boosted mt confidence, but realized I wasnt attracted to them!

[@Mr26muel]

I came out at 29 after a bad experience ruring quarantine.

[@h.k8063]

not by means to offend, but how tall are you?

[@notdefining]

I’m just over 2 metres.

[@user-dm1xh6bz3i]

Im just like you except I finally decided I want to be Asexual

[@sgtK0420]

I am a man who enjoys sex with other men a lot. But I don't feel emotional, romantic feelings towards men. I've only felt that towards women. So I am having some issues with this conflicting situation..

[@raf5420]

Yes

[@cradica]

I do wonder about this because some say sexuality can't change or it's genetic.

[@notdefining]

Sexuality is complex and like anything has some genetic pre determinants. However to say it can’t change or is 100% genetic is categorically impossible. It’s not scientifically possible for that to be accurate. Because sex and gender are continuums. So there is no set determinant. It’s physically impossible.

[@cradica]

@@notdefining that struck me as odd too. Like I remember a video saying "genes play a greater role in determining sexual orientation than they do in determining whether you are right handed or left handed "

[@notdefining]

@cradica you will find a lot of people saying a lot of things about this.

[@raf5420]

​@@notdefining so can then gay be straight again ?

[@notdefining]

@@raf5420 yes that happens

[@KenWoods-kp1fc]

6 ft

[@jeffreyerickson6766]

Marry me!

[@veganjotaro]

Bi/pan enbys for the win! ✊️😁🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈