How Narcissists Hide Affairs From You

[@RawMotivations]

Thanks for watching today's video, if you have any topics or questions you want to be addressed feel free to drop a comment, will try my best to respond to all, also I'd like to invite you to our FREE Webinar here www.rawmotivations.com/webinar

[@mitchellvera5262]

I am really really broken and nothing is helping…

[@TammyTurner-h8s]

He is being so loving for awhile and then he's mean and then he's loving again I'm trying so hard to hate him and being a empath it's hard he says I don't matter I I've been struggling so much well help me deal with this situation help me figure this out please help me see what is going on for real please

[@TammyTurner-h8s]

How can u tell his family is hiding stuff for him like cheating on me

[@RawMotivations]

@@mitchellvera5262 then reach out. Www.Rawmotivations.Com/breakthrough

[@atirliag2833]

Loser, to feel as important as you and your narc creatures need to feel, you get some self respect, act like human.

[@OneManJam]

A narcissist will make you feel like a roommate rather than their partner.

[@inninchowdhury8657]

Omg really?? I don’t know if my wife is a narcissist she never wants to sleep with me never lets me have sex. every time I ask her she says no . Then I seee when she goes out she wants other mens to praise her once caught her talking to other men

[@justinsmet]

That's how I feel with my wife is that I'm a roommate

[@brookecoburncoburn8856]

My husband calls me his roommate when he is mad at me or says I am a horrible roommate

[@justinsmet]

@brookecoburncoburn8856 that's horrible

[@SoulCentredAlignment]

Yes that was my experience with my ex narc

[@deavahughes]

Being with a narcissist is the most difficult challenge you'll ever have in your life

[@kath6839]

It was HELL

[@lorihull8467]

Yes, there is no peace in a narcissistic relationship.

[@kath6839]

@@lorihull8467 You are so right 👍 Three and a half years, felt like twenty or more. They are Energy Vampires and steal your Love, Light 🕯️ and Joy and anything else that is yours. He calls himself Wisdom and a Shaman and a Healer. But he's NOT.. 🚫 he even stole all my socks 🧦 and underwear 🩲

[@AS-qj2lx]

So true

[@silviacrawford2154]

I’m just so glad it’s over and I hope I never have another narcissistic partner ever again.

[@momc9274]

You’re not crazy , the moment you suspect cheating… just know, it’s been happening all along.

[@humble.pie.]

Yup once you see one cacaroach, it's too late.

[@cc1k435]

​@@humble.pie.😂That is a great analogy for it. 😂😂

[@rangogato]

exactly

[@bellaluv1070]

I'm on the 4th time with that gut instinct, but it's turned into me being mentally unstable.

[@beavinator420]

The damage is irreparable and severe. I know I must stay away from 99% of people and no women ever!!!! I can't wait to find my pirpose n make career get off streets nhave a car

[@HipHop-vg7cd]

If this can help just one person, it's worth my time. It took me 30 years before I figured out my husband was a covert narcissist. He's incredibly intelligent, workaholic, and the world's best manipulator and liar. He wants the world to think he's the best husband that ever lived from the outside looking in! Generous with money too, bought me expensive gifts, he never cared about what I bought but then again I don't buy much bc I grew up poor and idc about material things unlike him who constantly wants the best of the best. He also spends a lot on his hobbies and likes to gamble too! He wants to come off looking a certain way to the world only bc it was about power and control for him but he did it in a way that you don't even realize he's doing it for years and years! I learned early on that if I didn't take an interest in his hobbies then we would rarely spend any time together. I had to watch his TV shows, he picked the movies, etc. At the same time, he can be charismatic, charming and funny so you don't think Narcissist, esp back in the 90's. Slowly over time, they train you to stop speaking up for yourself or your needs. They mimic your body language, facial expressions, experts at it. Predator vs prey for real bc they know your moods and mind better than you almost bc you'll always be in a fog from the trauma bond and stress of it all. They turn on the charm when you're down and if you're mood is okay, they ignore you. It's crazy making how they manipulate every situation! I've learned that I'm a people pleaser too so I went along to get along, at least I was...but not anymore. He slowly took over paying all the bills. Eventually, I stopped working too which was a mistake even though we could afford it. Intimacy to him was only sex! If he was doing something nice, it was to get sex. You'll feel like you're having sex with a stranger eventually bc they just keep getting worse over time. No hugs, no cuddles, spending time together, they "work" more hours but yet...they expect you to wanna jump their bones, it's ridiculous. It's like we lived seperate lives. He had his work life which he kept completely seperate from me along with all his friends and employees there. I made excuses by saying he works so hard for his family when really he was living a seperate life. Also he was the boss and owner at work so he made everyone else do the majority of the work while he proclaimed he was doing it🙄 I had to fill my time with my family and friends seperate from him bc he refused to do anything with me UNLESS it brought him joy. I took vacations with family and friends while he refused to go except for the 1 or 2 trips we took a year. He might attend an Occasional family function from time to time. Also...Their phone is like a limb attached to their body btw bc they are cheating on the online apps, social media etc...BELIEVE that. Good at covering their tracks, erasing texts, stay logged out of apps, and so on. Over time, you eventually lose yourself and turn into someone you don't even recognize just to make the marriage work. You'll end up with depression and anxiety and start to isolate yourself if he hasn't already isolated you from everyone! Loneliest place in the world, even when he was home!!!! It's the worst thing I can possible describe to you, truly. Please leave as soon as you can and go no contact! We've had the same arguments for 30 years bc they try to blame everything on you, make you feel guilty for things you haven't even done. Moody AF, constantly walking on egg shells. No growth or self reflection either. He used money to make people believe he was a good person. Donated to charities, etc. Treated our dogs far better than he treated me, that's for sure bc he couldn't show emotion to people at all. He made sure others knew he donated to charities and helped others too!!! They live for the victim role, everything is everyone else's fault. What they do to people is a mind Fk, I wish I knew about covert Narcissists 30 years ago back before the internet and KZbin with all the knowledge right at your finger tips. I finally got his password and busted him cheating online and of course it was bc I didn't give him enough sex, even though he's never home and he never chooses to spend any QT with me. He Ignored me mostly when he was at home too. Very hard to write down what they actually do to you, soul suckers for sure! He didn't like to be alone either so I was there at night plus I was his arm candy when needed, personal maid, cook and I took care of everything at home including his parents, etc...He even dodged his family whenever he could get out of it! I worked harder than he did, broke my back and body down for years for that man. Luckily I got proof of his infidelity before I confronted him bc I knew he would try to make me look crazy bc people can't understand it if they haven't lived it or seen it up close for years on end. Hope this helps 🙏🙏🙏

[@deedeeculotta5749]

WOW, so much of what you described was my life also for 52 yrs. We were treated the same way by these men. I can relate to almost everything you said. We always had to watch the T.V. shows and movies that HE wanted to see. If I wanted to choose one, he would not sit there and watch it with me. The lies, the silent treatment, the anger rages and swearing at me definitely lowered my self esteem. He even walked out on me in restaurants several times during a meal if we had a disagreement, leaving me embarrassed and humiliated. He never did anything to help me around the house or with the kids. He thought bringing home a paycheck was his only obligation in the marriage, and he'd withhold that if we were in a fight. I can't believe I stayed in those conditions for so long but I guess a lot of it was mind control and a lack of confidence to survive on my own. I saw many red flags involving betrayal but he always made excuses and lied to me and I ended up doubting my evidence. He passed away 3 yrs. ago and in this time without him, I finally realized after watching these videos, that he was a Narcissist and I never understood who I had married. Now I have so much anger and guilt and no where to focus it. He always said things to me that would make me believe that he would never cheat on me. That was part of the manipulation and mind control. Sounds like you and I had similar lives. Sad.... I would never marry again and let another man treat me like that after spending my whole life with a narcissist. I am pretty bitter. Too bad there isn't a local, small group for wives of Narcissists who could meet and compare notes and get some of the anger out.

[@reflectonthings3008]

@@deedeeculotta5749sad that you had to go through that hell.stay strong !!

[@reflectonthings3008]

They are stupid like 6 year olds.

[@Doom_Buggy_Nerd]

What I went through for 2 years only. Cookie cutter of what you experienced. His phone was attached to him 24/7. Didn’t know if he was cheating or not nor did I care. Lived in separate homes thank god. I could escape him when I wanted peace

[@HipHop-vg7cd]

@@deedeeculotta5749 I’m truly so sorry, I know how lonely, depressing and isolating it can be. Like I said, we had no idea about these different kind of narcissists years ago, esp before people started talking about it on KZbin, etc. I just thought there was the overt in your face kind of Narc back then 🤦‍♀️ I am still in it myself and just started putting it together the past few years myself so there has been a lot of mourning, anger and blaming myself for being an idiot for believing his lies for decades! When you get to that place that you realize that you’d rather be alone, enough is just enough. I began not even caring if he was cheating or not. I prefer to be home alone too. If I were healthy, I wouldn’t be here but I’m in a bind to say the least. However once I caught him cheating online, I started looking up the way he behaves and that’s when I realized I married a covert narcissist. I literally picked apart our entire life together and I had to get very honest! I then called him out and kicked him out of my bedroom so now we are glorified roommates bc he chooses not to leave 🙄 The sad thing is that you start to act like them in many ways bc you must do so to survive!!! Civil communication is never an option bc they must keep you confused and guilt trip you! Oh…And the amount of times he told me I was remembering things wrong, I thought I was losing it and I started secretly recording conversations!! I remembered it perfectly too, he just kept me stressed out and sleep deprived. I just hated who I was becoming and started working on changing that bc I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I used to be such a strong, independent, Happy person before I met him. He was socially awkward and used me and my personality to fit in. I was 17 going on 18 and just started college when we started dating so I was a baby. He was 21 but incredibly smart and gifted. I’m no dummy either but clearly he made me look like one! They definitely have the same patterns from everything I’ve discovered. It truly is a form of mind control slowly but surely. Even the way they control you by subtle suggestions letting you know what they prefer in such a way that you wouldn’t even think to question the way they went about it! I don’t blame you for not marrying again, not at all. Hopefully you will find peace of mind and surround yourself with true love for the remainder of your life bc you deserve that! Even if that love comes from kids, friends and family…Take it wherever you can get it and be happy 🙏❤️ Even now I’m happy that I don’t participate in his childish games, arguments and his silent treatment, moodiness etc. I ignore him at every turn lol. Best I can do for now until I face some upcoming surgeries. I wish you all the best and I hope you show yourself some grace bc it truly wasn’t your fault 🫶

[@suzannemaroney4579]

It gets to the point where you don’t even ask questions about anything, and that’s exactly where they want you obedient and quiet.

[@Jothan-fe1fv]

That's exactly what I deal with... don't ask questions.. be quiet...obedience... when I leave the house I am a different individual .. but go back home to her knowing she don't care about me or what I deal with or go thru in the world... I know she has other affair with a man out of town.. also affair with someone I've dealt business with.... found loads sex toys.. confronted her.. an she flip the script on me ... I just stop and no contest ... an keep my mouth shut.. an move forward... let her believe she winning....I will dissappear..

[@rachelwashington1774]

True !!

[@beavinator420]

They like the power of punking n mocking u it satisfies their deep inferiority complex because they in fact hate us and envy us. They will leave cum loads on chair, bed,couch, questionable shit in tub, other man's boxers n socks.perfume she never wore around u, leaves right before you get home. Trash talks people 24/7 n talks about how unfair she has it and feel sorry for her (THIS FKN GODDAMN RAGING LUNATIC DELUSIONAL PSYCHO SOCIO TREACHEROUS TRAITOR WORSE N MORE DANGEROUS THAN ANY ENEMY YOULL EVER ENCOUNTER)!!!!! WILL SLEEP W ALL YOUR MALE FAMILY MEMBERS JUST TO SEVER SUPPORT OF THEM AND DO IT WHENEVER SHE SEES YOU HAPPY GO TO YOUR CUZ OR BRO.If she not the source of happines her flying monkeys inform her

[@kmad4peacetv456]

Packing & leaving while they think your sitting waiting on them to respond

[@kmad4peacetv456]

Let them think that while you arrange to walk away. As soon as he went to work, I packed, & paid a security deposit. Called him at his job & told him his stuff was in the garages * me & the children were gone

[@learnteach2learn729]

The most dangerous narcissist are the ones that look like victims and have mastered the art of being victims. They are extremely good at always seeming vulnerable but they are usually masterminds. Their gaslighting method is crying, always blaming their traumas for their lack of production. Watch out!

[@Alexandriaofchicago]

My baby daddy turned my family against me always a victim

[@learnteach2learn729]

@@Alexandriaofchicago that's some skills. Getting your own family to turn against you wow. Dangerous

[@tyironclayton3461]

That’s far from a master mind

[@gracebe235]

Yes, and they will sometimes play stupid, innocently ignorant, just to get your guard down and get you to divulge more info. Don’t fall for it. Keep your cards close to your chest.

[@helenekiskisbatchelder7]

that is the one i am with

[@lucye5752]

The best way to heal is block them and never let them back in again

[@plushie.fans.inc.toy-reviews.]

My ex was already in the process of leaving me when i discovered the cheating and when i confronted him you're right there was zero remorse.... lots of gaslighting...

[@stormi9951]

You will never get the truth 😖

[@plushie.fans.inc.toy-reviews.]

@stormi9951 he said he'd tell me the truth in court lol and of course there was never an instance going to court. He signed the papers and that was that.

[@carryjgful]

@@plushie.fans.inc.toy-reviews. its really odd how they get this by us, even when we've learned to not trust thngs they say designed to bring us momentary comfort or hope. Just like the salesman who rallies pple with promises & reassurance knowing they won't come thru later or they will partially & ull be grateful for that much.

[@flyingturtlemonkeyindatrees]

My Dad was secretly seeing a coworker for 4 years straight behind my mom's back. After mom finally FORCED him to confess, all it's been is gaslighting and somehow pretending like HE is the victim in all this. It's truly disgusting how they can do things like this and not even bat an eye. Edit: oh or my personal favorite: acting like absolutely nothing is wrong.

[@sherriflemming3218]

No one gets away with anything. There are always consequences. Karma always has an address.

[@dragonmom495]

When questions and accusations are met with things like 'where's the proof? Where's the evidence? I didn't do anything wrong!' It doesnt prove innocence, it confirms guilt.

[@kj0179]

That's exactly what mine said.

[@deehyatt5173]

Wow !! I swear they read the same play book. Exactly word for word !!! Always ‘didn’t do anything wrong’😂 On phone with him, saying I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m by myself … ya … drove up while he was still saying how he didn’t do anything wrong, and a ‘thing’ sitting in the passenger seat😂.. they are such pathological liars.

[@dragonmom495]

@@stealthwarrior5768 precisely! Quietly prepare to move on til you can bid them goodbye

[@BBurns22]

@@stealthwarrior5768not true. A narcissist or someone cheating could be the one accusing their partner of infidelity. It happened to me before where I constantly got accused with no evidence or proof that I was cheating just to find out they were the cheater all along.

[@sangel1215]

Yeah, I got I didn't do anything wrong or anything to you, but never let's confront the person who said this, and I will prove my innocence.Finally he sent messages I was never supposed to see saying I got fat after two back surgeries.I am very insecure and have been trying to lose weight the healthy way that comment sent me on a downward spiral of such depression.Maybe he did want me to see it.He still swears he never said it but his third ex wife who sent this nasty message to me lives in another state she doesn't even know what I look like.He is no prize in the looks department but I would never say you got old to him.I don't understand how some people feel the words they say are ok,I guess I don't wanna hurt other people for fun

[@leeboriack8054]

The narc experience is having your mind and reality hijacked and afterwards you are discarded and trying to find yourself in the dark trying to get home to yourself with no map and your compass tampered with. Brutal.

[@itsjustme7487]

💯 % correct.

[@reelfly]

Perfectly stated. 🙌

[@NeonCicada]

The ONLY power they have over us -- is the power that we give them. _(and if narcs could be honest...they need us A LOT more than we need them)_

[@reelfly]

@NeonCicada it's so weird how people who know nothing about narcissism like to make idiotic comments like this. 🙄

[@Jessie-ny9kd]

Perfectly described!!

[@JessicaKelly-by4fj]

It is such a terrible thing especially in the end when you realize everything because you want them so bad to be who they have been pretending to be and then the fact that it's not real and there's nothing you can do to fix it or change it it is a bad feeling

[@ladyvirgo013]

Very difficult to grasp

[@bellafantousi6480]

it's more than a bad feeling.....it's devastating....a pain that never goes away....

[@TruthBeTold0914]

​@@bellafantousi6480 💯

[@RadiantSunshine1003]

This part!

[@deavahughes]

💯💯

[@lorihull8467]

I never experienced much peace in my marriage with a narcissist. I was always waiting for the next lie and I was loyal to my detriment. Peace is found on the other side of the relationship. For me that meant divorce.

[@flyingturtlemonkeyindatrees]

My mother is going through a divorce currently with my narcissistic father. He has put us through the wringer and without us even knowing it as he is a covert narcissist. I'm glad you found peace.. I pray for the same for my mom. I am very optimistic things will be much much better on the other side.

[@sandblackbondchickcruz462]

They keep Their lies straight because they avoid the person that they live with! They avoid questions and they avoid you by pretending they are really busy and they will block You when they are with their sleazy mistress! Facts!!

[@lorihull8467]

@@flyingturtlemonkeyindatrees Thank you for your reply. I definitely understand .Love and prayers for your mother and that she will experience the peace that she deserves. It is such a difficult situation to be in but never insurmountable!!

[@lauracatherine9925]

I'm also loyal to a fault...to my own detriment is fair too

[@CraftCraver1]

Same girl same. Did it for 28 years

[@efthimios]

Lack of empathy huge sign they don’t care

[@kimvannote5024]

That's what makes them dangerous, because they wouldn't be doing to people what they do, if they had it.

[@TyUrshew]

I disagree with all this talk bout narcissism and empathy it gives them the upper hand. Narcissists are in the closet all this info on empathy gives them more ammo for manipulation...

[@staciesykes2908]

It literally puts you off relationships…. Trust yourself…. Fall in love with you… take yourself on a date…

[@jerrika27]

Self respect is sexy❤

[@SuprEmpth]

It absolutely does. Its a eye opener. Really scary that there are people out there who think like this. Self worth. Self love. I’m on a journey to that now. ❤️❤️

[@veral2274]

Same here

[@HomelessPolitically]

I was wondering what percentage out there are of them? I don't know if I will ever trust anyone again. 😢

[@NatzTalk]

So this!💛 where I am right now.

[@cindiraethayn4809]

I'm divorcing a covert. I finally told him at the end of the day, EVEN IF he had an instant epiphany, instant healing and realized it all, I STILL wouldn't trust him because I have too much history with him and his lies. Without trust, there is nothing.

[@lynjames4306]

Once a Covert Narcissistic vile creature that will never change 👹👹👹👹👹👍

[@cc1k435]

Amen to that. ❤

[@AlanCornett-vm7bd]

I restrict one today after 4 months... Cheat lied almost drove me nuts ...ill block her in 48 hrs

[@NatzTalk]

So this!!! 💛 mine and I were friends first, (if you could even call it that, now that ik better) and then the dynamic changed to romantic ( its hard to believe he didn't manipulate me into it ) but he wanted to be friends after he betrayed me with cheating but THING IS WE WERE ( he was future faking me into working towards a relationship telling his friends we were but telling me we werent) and I'm like who needs enemies with friends like you?!if you can treat a friend like this, I'd hate to see how'd you treat me when we are a couple. If I can't trust you, I can't have you in my life. Ik too much and I can't unsee or forget and I don't want to nor do I want to forgive him. Just myself and ONLY myself.

[@sparkle3000]

They just start fights. That gives them a couple weeks. Then they start fights with the other person. Once they get you on schedule you're in for a bumpy ride. Thank you for posting this. 📚

[@kimgordon3695]

Lather Rinse Repeat Love bomb devalue discard... Cycle of abuse. It's textbook

[@Tina-ez4xi]

So so true!!

[@christineredhagstrom2757]

Yes! They start fights just to go and do what they want

[@SarinaValentinaxo]

That is so true.

[@OneNOnly_baby]

Wow !!! Yes it all maked sense, one small thing i ask or do turns into this big dramatic argument & i am to blame for & he distance himself & goes days without talking, it’s convenient for him because its his time when he goes on to talk to other females

[@flaco0526]

Some narcs get overwhelmed and start a fight. That's a red flag

[@Stephchang-d3l]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@mahaliawilson-ik4gl]

That too bad..😢i wouldnt went for the shit

[@JamesDean-j8v]

We should hook up I'm very sexual and my wife acts like Pooh but leaves me hanging unoticed for weeks I want sex few times a day if i could

[@DanielWilder-mq7nc]

It took me 14 years to catch my narcissistic wife. Of course, I didn’t know she was a narcissist back then. I didn’t even know what narcissism was. A part of me always knew that she wasn’t faithful to me. It was just that whenever I voiced my concerns or asked for some reassurance, there was hell to pay. She put me through a mental gauntlet of feigned outrage, moral indignation, gaslighting, and flipping reality on its head in order to make me the bad guy. She repeatedly set what little progress I had made in trying to have a good relationship with her, back to square one. She exploited my deepest desires-to have a good marriage and to keep our family together, by always keeping one foot out the door and threatening to leave. So, I learned to carefully pick my battles…. and worse. I learned to put the blinders on and to pretend that she wasn’t up to no good. I also learned to convince myself that I was the problem. And then one day, while she was at work, I decided to clean out the car. She had a nasty habit of treating the backseat like a dumpster. As I stuffed empty wrappers, bottles, and cups into a trash bag, I found an envelope with her name on it. Thinking it might be important, I decided to look at its contents before I threw it away. It was a letter from some guy who was clearly in love with her. He expressed how he wanted more from her than their secret rendezvous. There was no mistaking what he meant. Even though my heart was crushed, I regained my power in the very next moment. I drove to where she worked, and I angrily approached her. Her eyes fell on the letter in my hand, and her shoulders slumped in silent defeat. She quietly said, “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll be home in an hour.” “Good!” I replied. “I’ll be waiting!” Then I turned on my heel and stormed out the door. Now that the cat was out of the bag, she admitted the entire affair-including all the places where they would meet up. As difficult as that was to hear, I stood by, ready to forgive her. I was well-practiced in starting over from square one, and I eagerly waited for the opportunity to roll up my sleeves and to get to work. But she played the wounded victim as convincingly as Amber Heard, and she asked me to wait for two days while she decided what she should do. Of course, I said yes. Even though I had been married to her for 14 years, I still had no idea what I was dealing with. In the midst of that painful discussion, she was plotting her next move. It turned out that she needed two days to think because that’s when her boyfriend would return from his business trip. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, but when he refused to leave his wife for her, she decided to stay married to me. Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time. I only knew that after two days, she decided to stay. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I saw this as an opportunity for a brand new start, and I convinced myself that we were finally going to have a good marriage. But she didn’t share my optimism, and it was obvious that her heart wasn’t in her decision to stay. We suffered together for another 2 weeks when she blamed me for her affair. That’s when I finally threw in the towel. We divorced on friendly terms, and we made all our own arrangements for custody and child support. We only needed a lawyer to draft and file the appropriate documents. The laws have changed since those days, and you can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. Anyway, during our many conversations to dissolve our marriage, she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about-including the fact that she was never faithful to me. If I had understood narcissism back then, I would have handled things differently. I wouldn’t have put up with her mental abuse, and I would have left her years earlier. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com.

[@virginiahash6487]

Only empathy they have is for their self leaving you confused and wondering what makes them happy. Sometimes you realize they are happy hurting the hell out of you

[@Ace7of7Cups]

its more like their ego

[@veral2274]

I also was the target of that cruelty. Purposefully making me jealous of an ex so that he could distract me from the woman/ new supply he was cheating on me with.

[@TrustintheLord860]

I doubt if they are really happy.

[@windysmith7367]

@@veral2274 that’s one strategy they use.

[@fab3laundry]

They ring you and pretend they are checking up on you because you can't be trusted, BUT while you are on your way home from work he is working out how much time he has to get the woman out of your bed.

[@veral2274]

Mine couldn’t wait for me to get on a plane to bring his new supply to his bed. He'd also have his ex come around for a shag on a normal basis, I'm sure of it.

[@nervotica7991]

Wow!

[@YagirlM]

This 💯

[@cc1k435]

No doubt about it.

[@marvelmay2900]

I have all these signs. I find it interesting to note narcissist was not part of the post but most of the replies do mention it. How true!

[@RawMotivations]

Let’s help you heal. Https://www.rawmotivations.com/breakthrough

[@healthadvisor464]

So what happens when you finally give your naive partner who wants to believe you, an STD? Do you have guilt then now that you've jeopardized her health? She may never feel she can move on because she has to much dignity to pass on the mess the narc has given her. Truthfully, cheating should be criminal. Narcissists put people's health at risk, and that ain't right.

[@chanel82593]

100%

[@SuprEmpth]

Agreed

[@deanarjones9114]

It used to be criminal but powers that be changed that. Probably because they were doing it regularly and wanted to avoid consequences

[@dee8076]

If you’re a narc then no…there is no guilt. You would say something like “if you had sex with me more I wouldn’t have had to go elsewhere and you wouldn’t have an STD”.

[@StormyCraig-m2i]

@@dee8076and you say I was available every day and you chose not to have sexual with me that is on you not on me.

[@KatherineGrey-pz9on]

The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@Freethnkr]

My narc ex-husband cheated on a consistent basis before marriage, during and even when we were going through the separation/divorce period... He finally admitted after we separated that " there was always a woman around" and I believe him!!! Spoke to several of them, they all told on him, says he was always the initiator, but now that he's married his 2nd victim, he lies to our oldest son and has him thinking that he's done a whole 180, and everything he did while we were together was because of "immaturity"...Claiming he's a changed man now, no more cheating, side chics, old exes, hibitual lying, abuse, outburst, rage, control, intimidation, manipulative behavior abuse of the finances, IT'S JUST MORE LIES & MANIPULATION, I DO NOT BELIEVE A NARC CAN CHANGE THAT QUICKLY OR EASILY, BUT THEY CAN BECOME BETTER AT HIDING THE TRUTH...I PRAY FOR THE NEW WIFE, HOPES SHE CONTINUES TO SEE THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I EXPERIENCED FOR 11+ YRS...IT WAS A NIGHTMARE I COULDN'T SEEM TO WAKE UP FROM UNTIL I DECIDED TO LEAVE

[@delf5724]

Omg ..did we marry the same guy???

[@keithreese3941]

He told you the truth: he IS immature. That personality (the narcissistic personality) is a rotten, spoiled, insecure, scared, little brat of temper tantrum having kid (did you ever see him pouting?); selfish like no other, and absolutely refuses to LOOK at itself. The world ITSELF is wrong, never them. It has ulterior motive 98-99% of the time, because it must be in control... HAVE control. It will OBSERVE you / STUDY you not only to see how to manipulate you; but it must elevate itself ABOVE you. So (whether right or wrong) it will hurry and draw CONCLUSIONS on what it THINKS you are, and then treat you according to it's CONCLUSIONS. The conclusions it draws of you are just that: pictures in their minds of you; ideas; opinions; and you are a living being fluctuating from moment to moment to various states of being, which clashes with their conclusions of you. They don't have to assign care, consideration, courtesy, communication skills to the pictures of you in their minds, so they treat you the same way. They cannot separate the two. They want you to act according to how they see you mentally. Their minds are static, fixed, rigid (non flexible), so they miss the subtle things that you do; the gentle moments; and intimacy to them is nothing more than sex (which, honestly, they just want to get off and move onto something else. They're usually selfish sexually as well). But they would rather be alone for days, quiet, by themselves, and then show back up when THEY are ready to without explanation. Damn I could go on and on...whew! But he told you the truth: he is immature (don't know if that's how he meant it, but we can lay it out step by step). Blessings

[@gailspaw5521]

He Blamed me for Everything

[@pureheartsinlove6177]

Me too

[@jillybean0220]

@@pureheartsinlove6177Damn! Me too! Nothing was EVER his fault! Ever.

[@caralee2617]

Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

[@abbeyrose7062]

Be sure to get a Physical. They never believe they'll contract anything, they rarely protect *any intimate partner (over pleasing themselves), and can give you permanent STDs. They're considered one of the highest risk partners out there. I treated many women some yrs ago- crying in my office over a trusted partner who'd given them a "permanent" virus, add cervical cancer risk. Herpes and HPV..... Ruined them. Take care of yourself, protect yourself 💜

[@terriblue68]

You got that right. Very well written explanation. 👏

[@Portia620]

Yes!!!😂😂😂😂. Yes!!! We need to mourn the fake person that never existed! These people are shells!!! Shells and fakes that once you find out the truth, and you have solid hard-core proof, it is so easy to walk away, and never look back. The hardest part is trying to figure out how this even happened to us and you need to take time to dissect that figure it out, mourn the death of a person that never existed.!!! It is so worth it.🙏❤️ thankful to God every day I found out who I was sleeping next to, and it was evil!! I’m thrilled. He cheated on me with the brother-in-law’s sister, who moved on well not just her quite a few girls. She just didn’t know if she was in the loop of the others, and then moved on to Miss Texas and got married.😂😂 I don’t understand why anybody wants to warn the next woman I mean my ex is still hanging out with my parents in immersing himself in the life of my family and friends. These people are so pathetic they don’t know boundaries and I don’t know how to let go.

[@sandragriffiths9692]

Your the winner. He will never be happy, but you will. Bless you

[@robertmorgan4015]

Spot on

[@janicebutz2344]

One thing is if you expect nothing and get nothing, you can't be disappointed.

[@Gigi-lk9pl]

As soon as the words “ she’s just emotional support and we talk” came out of my husband’s mouth… I’d kick him out of the house. We would be done. I don’t want a husband who has to talk to other women for support or even fun. Nah, not me. I wouldn’t put up with that for a second! I’m rolling my eyes lol.

[@sherriflemming3218]

That's a 🚩of supply.

[@awwwshit1293]

Exactly!!! Cause if you did/said the same to him all hell would break loose. I definitely ain’t got time for that mess

[@Dansyoung]

When you understand what you are dealing with, let them run away with the affair partner. In my case it was the best thing I ever did, let the person go - they jump from person to person and then get mad you don’t want them anymore. My ex expected us to still be friends 🤷‍♂️ she treated me worse than I’d treat my worst enemy, why would I want even a friend like that? I can’t keep a straight face at her yet alone do I want to spend a second of my time with her - that’s one of the new guys problems 🤣🤣🤣

[@carlogambino1979]

I hear you there. Exact same thing happened to me. Brutal experience. She called me up a week after I left to tell me she had another man in our bed. Then she followed that up with a two-page email explaining how it was all my fault...... fast forward three months; she sent another email asking how I was. It was at that point I knew she was crazy. But it still broke my heart. 7 years no contact. (She still hoovers once a year)

[@frebrd78]

The best gift is when the trash takes itself out... Goodbye, Good riddance...

[@la.mu.sa10]

They literally get mad cuz you don't want them in your life after all that disrespect 😂

[@itsjustme7487]

@carlogambino1979 I had to change jobs, change addresses and phone numbers because he was always calling me at work.

[@carlogambino1979]

@@itsjustme7487 yep. They stalk you the rest of their miserable lives.

[@catalday7878]

Just be alone don't need these kinds of people,my mental health is very important.

[@RawMotivations]

Very true. If it was only that easy.

[@catalday7878]

@@RawMotivations you just need to train yourself

[@RawMotivations]

@@catalday7878 very true. Which is what I am doing. Learning and growing daily!

[@f.frederickskitty2910]

If I ever escape from this I'll never have another relationship again. I will never allow another person to control me. If I get away I will choose for me, not someone else.

[@RawMotivations]

Join this free webinar www.rawmotivations.com/webinar

[@KarenFlynn-k4p]

In a healthy relationship they don't try and control you, I know. There are good people out there. Best of luck❤

[@Sunnysideup01]

Even when you have proof they deny and gaslight 😂

[@rosalindr4975]

Right? I had a photo of the fiancé & my engagement ring on her finger. He still won’t talk, 3 years later.

[@lindawalker1937]

At the time of my marriage, there was no KZbin information readily available on narcissist behavior. I left the marriage just in the nick of time to save my life. I felt like I was hollow inside. Black hole. Rotted out inside. It has taken years to become whole-ish inside again.

[@charlotteclark6061]

..Good luck!

[@KJxxoo]

I believe my ex was a narcissist. He cheated, strung me along for 6 years, and the last 10 months of that he was seeing someone else. My gut kept telling me something wasn’t right but when I questioned him he gaslit me. It all came out in the end, the lies, the deception, the cheating. When I confronted him he blamed me for it. I cut contact immediately and moved on. It was a weight off the shoulders to finally know and close that chapter.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Your intuition is 💯

[@yvonnemagliocco8507]

Omg same exact story as mine. Same length of time. Hopefully we can heal. I’m in therapy now. 🙏🏼

[@1711-n2r]

How did you find out?

[@andreadaugherty9079]

@@sherriflemming3218❤

[@leeboriack8054]

My former narc partner said “Empathy can be used as a weapon.” And he did!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Yes they will weaponize

[@ruffraff1059]

Never listen to a narcissist trying to explain themselves

[@cc1k435]

It often ends in blaming you and showing contempt for you anyway, so....yeah. 😢

[@AlexisMeyer-y9c]

I don’t think people can really understand how hard it is to overcome the trauma of a narcissistic abuser. Thank you for sharing honestly about your true authentic self to help others!!!!

[@DeborahMzDivine]

I did 8 years hard time with EVIL...they will only try to break you down, blame-shame games...I appreciate you for coming out to help us...I'm sure it's hard living with that title.

[@seameology]

Apparently they know they're doing wrong to know to hide it.

[@mollysimmons2960]

Yes they know it’s wrong they don’t care… if you learn the truth they will laugh in your face. No heart at all… not one nano speck

[@TammyMadden-rx1lf]

Amen sister you said it right.

[@54321Lola]

Which also in my opinion and experience, they have no empathy. They know what they are doing, they don't care that it's going to hurt you. When they get caught....they flip that shit around and blame you.

[@Gotoworkkk]

Of course

[@emmarae4322]

They know it's wrong. They dont care.

[@alanhealth8132]

Thats why they get so confused and the lies start coming out as they forget to who and what they said, its so easy to catch them out, you just have to keep quiet and they tell you it all in error m, because they already forgot what they told you yesterday.

[@valeriealexander1855]

Selfish. Prideful. Control. Manipulate. All of it is a product of sin. The narcissist is cunning, conniving, full of deceit. They need deliverance. They need God.

[@Irina-uv1tv]

Probably a porn addict too. Demon possessed.

[@Portia620]

Even within working over 40 hours and even work after work and still have an affair! They find time.

[@RawMotivations]

If there's a will, there's a way

[@hopeinhumanity.]

Justification can be a powerful force that can completely blind a person to their harmful behaviors.

[@rivkaruthgolan]

They enjoy lying. They rationalize it because it’s the other person’s fault. They have techniques like calling everyone using terms of endearment.

[@sherriflemming3218]

We are not responsible for someone's behavior.

[@missyv9581]

Mine told me I was the type of person you had to lie too. It was ridiculous but he believed it.

[@irisrose4732]

SMH 🤨🤭🤪🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀@@missyv9581

[@charmee4045]

I said to him once, "I watch the feet, not the tongue" he had a look of horror on his face, he knew the gig was up. The mask had slipped and I was onto him, it all changed then.

[@Andthereyouhaveit]

I think that I will use that quote!

[@angiehayes7397]

I don't get it...I like the sound of it but I don't understand the meaning. Could you elaborate?

[@keithfishburn825]

@@angiehayes7397 Actions speak louder than words

[@angiehayes7397]

@@keithfishburn825 ahhh, got ya. Thank you

[@littlecaesars4860]

Same thing happened to me. He showed his real face

[@lorijones513]

It seems like there’s so many Narcs now !!! I’m literally scared to be in a relationship! Mine is smearing me on Facebook

[@NoName-zb1gm]

Mental health is a real problem these days. Politics has made people crazy. Trump haters, vaccine lovers, stay home, wear a mask, a new social justice movement every week where people are forced to take sides and argue their side.

[@beedido439]

Literally scared to death to be in a relationship now.

[@irisrose4732]

😨😰😱😭

[@envogue2004]

Yes lots female friends 2...mines making I hate you cutting up raw meat videos.

[@artbygilik]

For real. And I keep running into them in friendships and business relationships too and they drive me crazy. Cut off and block once I realize who I’m dealing with. Once you know how to spot one already they show you signs you can’t ignore.

[@captaingamer8886]

As a Retired combat Marine I want to tell you that as what you are doing is just as important as any warrior on the battlefield. You are waging warfare against cheater on the digital battlefield. You are defending and protecting the most vulnerable of our

[@rosalindr4975]

My retired army husband is this guy, I’m devastated. So many lies. Chronic cheating, the whole 9 yards

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

It is nice to hear from self aware narcissists. You are a rare breed but you help us understand.

[@RawMotivations]

I appreciate the comment!

[@rosalindr4975]

Ditto

[@aaronhuskey8581]

This sounds exactly like my wife. Soon to be ex. She says to me…why don’t you give me affirmations ? Why don’t you open up to me? Why don’t you have an opinion? What’s wrong with you? This after years of defamation,being told what a piece of shit I am. Isolation from family and friends. Mental and physical abuse. I’m not saying I’m innocent. My outburst was from reacting to non stop abuse. Thank you for your truth and honesty. Facing our demons is one of the hardest things we can ever do.

[@Jane-rc2rk]

Tell me why, if they’re hiding affairs, why do they do it? Betrayals are devastating not just for spouses, but for children and wider family members.

[@Dansyoung]

They authentically don’t care about ANYONE except for themselves. They wanted the affair it made them feel good at that time. Pathetic isn’t it?

[@Jane-rc2rk]

@@Dansyoung yes.

[@flyingturtlemonkeyindatrees]

@@Dansyoung Yep. That's literally the extent of it. It goes no further.

[@vichardman61]

I didn’t know there is so many people that has been through what I have I just want to know why he’s done it we have been married 43 years and 12 women later I’m still saying why I don’t understand why I have loved him over and over and over again and just don’t know why his words it feels to god dam good well I want to feel what that to god dam good too sorry I still have a lot of hurt and pain that I’m finding hard to let go of I can’t seem to get past this last woman

[@kimgordon3695]

Self absorbed; inexhaustible hole

[@mariaananunez5681]

When I think of my narcissistic ex, I do chuckle. The greatest irony is that he married a woman with the same condition. Given what she did to her ex- husband, I know that she is more powerful than my ex. He will one day learn the meaning of hell on earth.

[@ruthray3899]

My x, who was a narcissist , compartmentalized his entire life. There was a whole group of people who didn't even know he was married. There was a group he just worked with. There was a group that included family. They groups never interacted with each other. And he didn't let them interact. It was exhausting to live with that.

[@SH-wt2dw]

I so understand every word you said!! So true

[@luzreaves7842]

My X the narcissist actually told me he compartmentalized everything in his life!!!

[@debraannedimezza8075]

Same here I was a dark dirty little secret for years not until I moved in with him and we were going out constantly together and it when from the occasional seeing us together to constantly together people would say to me we didn’t even know he was in a relationship it was humiliating at the very least they thought I was an occasional booty call

[@caseteamcouture8633]

This is sooo accurate!!

[@veral2274]

Same here. The dynamics was mind blogging. We'd hold hands in public when it was the two of us. Never mingled with his friends, even in events where I was with my friends and he was with his. Never mentioned me to anyone.

[@lanierogers3315]

I was so blind throughout our relationship and really just did not see what was happening around me. I believed him and was head over heels in love, or atleast I thought I was. Once I started to see things clearly and confront things, after yrs of blindly going about things, the rose color glasses came off. He left to be with the new supply and I've spent 5 yrs healing my heart and mind. But I'm happy in my life now, sometimes there's sadness but mainly relief that I got out of that toxicity.

[@Lw316swoosh]

I had my own time with my own narc. Sometimes there is sadness for me, too. What helped me is reminding myself there's no sadness in missing a person who never existed. And when I look back and think there was good times, I realize that there were. But those good times was when I was by myself doing what made me happy trying to pull myself out of a world enshrouded in darkness.

[@sherriflemming3218]

It's a relief and a blessing indeed! High five!

[@JohnnyAdz.]

It took my wife to discard me after being together for 12½ years, married 4½ years before I could step back and look back into the "relationship" and talk to friends, family and therapists before I realised who she was. She was/is this person being described in this video. It's amazing what it takes for you to actually "see"

[@user-fp8pr6lm6l]

When you figure him out, and you get out, he gets extremely mad and threatens you, tells people you started it.

[@willowclay5406]

It's one of the hardest things to get rid of because of trauma bonds or soul ties.

[@irisrose4732]

Dealing with it right now, and it was a short-lived thing. I guess I dodged a bullet, but realize that I need to go back to the drawing board with my healing past trauma. It scares me how I fell for the old narc tricks with this last guy, I was sure I had the necessary foresight. Now I feel I can't trust my own judgment, but see that I never established firm boundaries. Yup, gotta stop dating for a minute and keep working on myself some more. I may have blindly gotten involved, but at least I did start waking up to the truth of his facade soon after, which made me pull back on the supply, which he did not like, and it ended soon after.

[@willowclay5406]

@@irisrose4732 It's great that you were able to escape the abuse early! I'm still dealing with the ex narc and his flying monkeys! He's angry because I'm not giving him attention or supply anymore! He's a malignant so they're the worse kind! I'm going to have to file a legal document.

[@fifilafleur5555]

Yes... I had to get away from my ex husband and 2 men I dated after my divorce. All 3 were narcs along the spectrum. At least one of them was malignant with antisocial traits. After learning all I could I realized my dad is a narcissist and I was raised to become a people pleaser & “whooping girl”. I’m also the scapegoat in my family. I attract these creeps. The best advice I can give is get away from these monsters... male or female. They can be either. I come from a “nest” of them and they will turn others against you and speak poorly of you behind your back. Often they will tell blatant lies about you to garner attention for themselves and to isolate you, leaving you with no love or support. They are horrible human beings. Just get out. They will destroy your life. I developed life threatening high blood pressure and now have stage 4 cancer. I stayed in the game far too long.

[@TriniStarr3527]

I have had a similar life to yours. I first figured out my (ex) husband is a narcissist, with the help of a psychiatrist whom insisted on seing my ex husband. Later on... I realized my father is a huge malignant narcissist. And then my brother, etc. etc. No need to go into further details... really... my life path has been very similar to yours. Warm saludos from Switzerland. My usual language is French.

[@fifilafleur5555]

@@TriniStarr3527, hello Trini!

[@chanel82593]

I’m so sorry, I hope you live the rest of your life in peace.

[@TriniStarr3527]

@@fifilafleur5555 I just came accross another message and just saw your saludos! I think KZbin doesn't always notify the comments to me. I wish you the best possible 😊🥰

[@bernieoconnell5515]

Ah come on. Not everyone around you is a narcissist. This carry on is getting old. Maybe you are the narc since the common denominator is you.

[@RubiPequeno]

The worst pain was the hurt from a narcissist that I didn’t know was one at the time… then after I got hurt and chose to give him a second chance that’s when I started seeing his true self…

[@jeanniecosgrove9448]

Had a narcissist in my live from 2016 till 2022,He was so good at his lies he believed them,he had so many "friends with benefits."When I was out with him,I was his girlfriend,when he was out (with whoever,they were his girlfriend).Yes,I was told all those things,Now he's married to a woman who lied about being a nurse,her step-father sexually abusing her,been married 5 times,her daughter being in a bad car accident,and being in ICU,and her being in the hospital for COVID,and did I mention also a alcoholic,Thank God He's out of my life,No More Drama...

[@JustMe-uu3bh]

when you are a manipulator, funny how you also are vulnerable to being manipulated. it's karma.

[@brinselyseven5530]

Chances are she may have Borderline Personality Disorder. NPD men and BPD women are drawn to each other. It's a match made in hell. BPD's are often abused as a child, go in and out of relationships, have substance abuse and anger issues. Stay clear of that couple.

[@GallantlyEverAfter]

Makes so much sense my husband compartmentalizes everything he has even told me in the past that I don’t compartmentalize enough and he would shame me for feeling emotions and tell me that I’m not cut out for the real world end. I will never make it because I go to therapy I talk about my emotions I work through things and process it. I don’t push it all to the back of my head and ignore it.. I’ve been going to therapy a lot recently and have discussed wanting a separation from my husband. It has been two years of everything always being my fault him gaslighting me and stonewalling me constantly whenever there’s a problem, he ignores me and will go on the computer and do whatever he wants and he will never come back to me and apologize or try to rectify the situation, he just pretend it never happened. It feels more like I have a bad roommate than a husband and I can’t even talk about things that I’m feeling because he will immediately get nasty with me. We’ve actually gotten in arguments before where he will be yelling at me and then all of a sudden someone from work will call and he’ll answer and he’ll be calm. It was actually my therapist who mentioned the narcissistic tendencies, and how she obviously can’t diagnose it because he isn’t trying to get help. He isn’t seeing her but she’s helping me come up with a plan to process and move on from the situation so far whenever I bring up a separation, he just walks away from me, and then pretends that I never said anything

[@dwayneneal9977]

Wow my story every word

[@dmbmamas3880]

Yep. I'm right there with you!!!❤

[@dmbmamas3880]

We must all connect and be a tour de force to be teckoned with!!💥💪❤

[@AHaffejee]

Where do they learn this?

[@miss_whipps]

"It feels more like I have a bad roommate than a husband..." PREACH! You couldn't have said it better! 🎯🎯🎯

[@MancWitch]

Mine accused me of everything he was doing- like living with a hologram in the end- I never knew who I was living with- that’s so scary. This was five years ago- he’s had thirteen “live together “ relationships since me- he last tried to hoover me via a relative a month ago- it’d be laughable if it wasn’t so unsettling. My life is better in every way without him. x

[@sherriflemming3218]

Projections and accusations can be confessions. Actions are confessions. Concrete evidence.

[@ericshepard2878]

My ex was absolutely terrible. She was the worst I've ever met. I see so many red flags now when trying to date that I'm just giving up. I never want to go through that pain and manipulation again.

[@paintermomm]

EXACTLY TRUE. 100%. it’s very difficult to get others to believe me (family& friends) regarding these matters. Lost many many friends and family just trying to express the real person I married. So sad and frustrating. I went through years of depression and anxiety etc. no one was there. So incredibly hurtful. Thanks for sharing. Respect.

[@lauriegross5177]

You know how to win with a narcissist person cut them off complete and that means if you see them in person don't even speak!! That's how I did it I see the person in public I completely ignore them even if they run into me face to face I keep my composure and walk by as if they didn't ever exist!! Win win!!

[@sherriflemming3218]

💯

[@debraannedimezza8075]

I dread that day when I’m going to have to do that I avoid him like the plague

[@chichiasagwara5457]

Not when you share a child with them

[@sherriflemming3218]

@@chichiasagwara5457 Yes. It's a high conflict contentious co parenting situation especially when it's shared custody. Children learn from modelling. Are influenced and affected.. Attached by Amir Levine.

[@sherriflemming3218]

7 Characteristics Of A Love Avoidant podcast ----Kenny Weiss They're mistaken for narcissists

[@annadogoryeva7840]

From experience, being with a narcissist is hell on earth. Takes a long time to realise it and takes a lot of strength to leave that relationship. If only I knew earlier would never waste my precious life on that crap. My advice get yourself together and leave them ASAP to have a healthy happy life. People never change.

[@burgundymustard3811]

All of this is SO true!!!! Get out ladies. It never changes!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Narcissist - Trust Your Gut - Dr Sam Vaknin podcast Narcissist Pornography As Real Life - Dr Sam Vaknin podcast How Your Childhood Traumas Effects Your Love Choices - Jonathon Aslay and Sabrina Risling podcast👍 Is Lovebombing A Process Of Grooming? Dr Ramani podcast Why Men Avoid Counselling - Jonathon Aslay podcast 5 Shocking Behaviors You Should Never Tolerate In A Man - Jonathon Aslay podcast 👍 7 Signs He's A Safe Man And That You Can Trust Him - Jonathon Aslay podcast ♥️ Is He Using You Or Wasting Your Time? 3 Types Of Men - Jonathon Aslay podcast 👍 How Men Test Your Boundaries - Jonathon Aslay podcast Boundaries You Must Set With Men - Jonathon Aslay podcast The Four Attachment Styles You Need To Know - Mel Robbins and Dr Ramani podcast The DARVO METHOD - Dr Ramani podcast Love Addiction Craving Infatuation And Limerance - Dr Ramani podcast The Real Reasons You Attract Narcissists - Kenny Weiss podcast 7 Characteristics Of A Love Avoidant - Kenny Weiss podcast Why You Attract Certain People - Kenny Weiss podcast The Relationship Between Trauma And High Achievement - Kenny Weiss podcast 7 Reasons Why It's Impossible To Have A Relationship With An Addict - Kenny Weiss podcast Are They A Narcissist Or A Codependent? Kenny Weiss podcast Confessions Of A Love Avoidant - Kenny Weiss podcast Sex Addiction 101- Dr Robert Weiss podcast Diagnosing Sex And Porn Addiction In The Modern.Age- Dr Robert Weiss podcast Seek Good Character A Reminder To Us All - David Tian PhD The Masculine Psychology Project podcast Why Smart Men Fail At Dating And Relationships - David Tian PhD The Masculine Psychology Project. Be Careful Who You Build With--Natalie Clarice podcast It's Impossible To Have A Texting Relationship ---Natalie Clarice podcast The Difference Between Being Intelligent And Relationship Smart-Natalie Lue There is specific criteria to be met to diagnose NPD by a licensed clinician in repeated sessions Narcissism has traits. NPD is the disorder. There is no unicorn or perfect person. Why most relationships fail is due to emotional maturity and relationship skills. . Attraction chemistry and romance does not create relationship success. Looks fade with age. Good character lasts. We are all a common denominator in our relationships. Accepting ownership is emotional.maturity Victor conscious ! The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. Do the introspective and healing work. Disrespect and abuse is closure. Wisdom is not connected to IQ -Sam Vaknin If you need to call a doctor, an attorney or a policeman, then it's time to exit a relationship. Personality and character is fixed. Behavior can be modified. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. Personal development is empowering! The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer- the relationship with yourself. What The Heck Is Self Love? Jonathon Aslay ♥️ Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman Non Violent Communication by Marshall B Rosenberg PhD- conflict resolution skills Attached by Amir Levine Toxic Parents by Susan Forward Facing Codependency - Pia Mellody Men Who Can't Love by Steven A Carter Women Who Love Too Much - Robin Norwood

[@Ms.Tee65]

I’m definitely getting out. I’m too old for games.

[@Icecat21]

It’s not just men My soon-to-be-X wife is a narc and oner our 15 year marriage checked every narc behavior box. She got cocky and sloppy and I caught her. Now I just wonder how many affairs she had over that time. My gut tells me a few.

[@burgundymustard3811]

No one ever said it’s just men, guys. Wishing you all the best as well. Of course I’m not saying men should stay 🤦🏽‍♀️ I just happened to be addressing the ladies at that time. Stay focused, be blessed and do what’s best for you no matter what anyone on YT comments says 😊🫶🏽

[@irisrose4732]

Very true. According to THE expert on the topic, Dr. Sam Vaknin, the rates of female narcs has skyrocketed.@@Icecat21

[@MissChelle857]

My ex narcissist was too caught up in being “in character” to try and be smart enough to hide from me the fact that he was carrying on an affair with his supposed ex, who he NEVER was short on talking shit about to me. I asked him to come clean and talk to me about it face to face like a grown up. He refused, ignored me for two days following, and gave me the opportunity to walk away from our 18 year history. Now, he’s resorting to telling his faithful social media followers that he dumped me. Liars are gonna lie. Always.

[@windysmith7367]

They just can’t let go of their exes and seem to always want to have sneaky affairs with them.

[@BrNolife]

It looks like narcissists create several personalities/self identities and they keep switching among them. Therefore once they leave one identity they deny any misbehavior. More I learn about these people clearer is my own life. Thank you, Ben. You are growing into a great specialist who is helping so many people. I wish you don’t have to deal with this yourself anymore. Good luck, thank you!

[@L.RaeHoldt]

They compartmentalize

[@ForeverXO]

Why cheat? Break up first. Unfaithfulness begins in the mind which has always been cause enough for me not to trust, and also why I've avoided relationships and getting attached. Temptation lurking everywhere and you can't keep your partner from seeing it and lusting over it, also easy access to cheat in many ways. No thank you. Sure being alone can hurt but being betrayed hurts more.

[@RawMotivations]

For a narcissist often it is a high of getting away with it

[@ForeverXO]

@@RawMotivations , Anyone can change if they ask Christ to help.

[@DeborahMzDivine]

RUN 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️

[@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788]

They thrive in chaos and danger.

[@moxyangel]

“Don’t defend yourself over things that aren’t true.” That struck a huge chord! In the triangulation process this is key. I hear from my good friend all the shyt the ex/narcissist is saying about me, and being the good friend with a mind of their own, of course are laughing with me over the accusations and false judgements. At first, I was like of course it’s not true and would respond. I finally told my friend not to tell me what my ex was saying anymore. Especially because it was getting to the point where messages were being passed from both of us thru him. Meanwhile, we both had blocked each other. My ex said not a damn thing to me about any of these crazy complaints he apparently had in our relationship, pre or post breakup. I blocked him and resisted the urge to be like, hey, why did you tell our friend this and that about me?! I realized that he was attempting to get a reaction out of me, a reason for me to unblock him and say something about his lies. The fact I have given him zero attention about it speaks volumes to my current level of sanity and maturity. 100% over it, and never happier!!! 🎉❤😊

[@RawMotivations]

Great job! You got great support around you, I wish you the best

[@christinemunoz962]

And what they do is they start arguments and fights too. So you can leave the house or so they can leave the house. And it gives them an excuse to cheat. Because they don't use the word cheating. They use the word stepping out which to them is not as bad. Because you separated for a little bit. It's still disgusting and cheating no matter what it's called

[@curtriedel5036]

Start a fight over something completely ridiculous and storm out of the house,,be gone always about 3 hours,,immediately take a piss and jump in the shower even though she'd just showered that morning,,after me calling 5 times with no answer,,saying her phone was dead (it wasn't) ,,didn't have her car charger (she did),,same shit every time

[@sisid6295]

I felt replaced cheated on used one of the biggest pain in my life ..

[@CasandraLiving]

Cant keep anynthing hidden from someone, who the Lords shows everything.

[@jesussaves4262]

NO ONE can ever hide ANYTHING from God. And He WILL judge them at day of Judgment. NO ONE can get out of hell once there. 🙏

[@clintonnagy1662]

That's what worries me. Never again will I be untruthful in any relationship

[@leetos.4915]

Hell is actually a cemetery from the Biblical perspective

[@clintonnagy1662]

@leetos.4915 I believe it's more then that. Pretty sure it's an endless loop of misery, sadness, despair and regret. Tortured endlessly by demons that rip your limbs off, while they grow back, and the same horrific act repeats itself endlessly. Not a place anyone wants to end up. Jesus would die a million times on the cross to prevent that from happening for one person...truth is...he already has for all the souls he saved.

[@russellbarton7565]

I have had my suspicions with my wife that she is a narcissist and also that she has been cheating on me. She recently started treating me like trash as usual but then escalated it to telling me she cheated on me and she was pregnant with another man. Then told me it was just a prank. I said to her that is not a prank. That is sick disgusting behavior and I will be filing a divorce because now I know for a fact that my wife is a narcissist if she can be so cold about treating me like garbage

[@Fitnesshealthpositivity]

She cheated,divorce her asap

[@nilidancherkaoui8353]

You explained in the simplest way where there was no confusion. Thanks

[@RawMotivations]

appreciate the feedback!

[@MeltedButterPrincess]

15 years with a covert narcissist. Took me 15 years to figure it out. The whole time I couldn't understand why he did what he did, why he hurt me on purpose.

[@sandragriffiths9692]

Me too. It was worse in front of his friends. It was like he needed to humiliate me and he did over and over. He also cheated, chose where we went, when and who with. He never showed any humility or weakness. He wanted total adoration, but it was like he found it annoying too.When he went too far one day and I walked out in him, he couldn't believe it and said I was easily led by others, but I had finally had enough. I hadn't heard of narcissism then, but now I can see clearly that he was one.

[@sandragriffiths9692]

@user-el3sh1xh3t What do you mean please?

[@jackpaterson8556]

My ex had no control over any girl or women!He would lose control every time he came in contact with any girl!

[@emmarae4322]

They have no remorse. You will never get them to admit the pain they cause. No empathy.

[@lisalanfranchi5188]

I became the investigator. I had more than enough new proof every day. I never asked a question that I didn't already know the answer to. He only knew a fraction of what I knew. I never showed him my full hand. But none of this mattered to him. His excuses and lies were laughable. He's a master lar and he wasn't even trying. He just didn't care. He even told me to not believe what I see with my eyes but believe what he tells me!! And every time I would confront him he beat me to near death. I would ask him if he's stopped and he'd say yes he doesn't even have the desire to do it anymore. The next day, there it was. As smart as I thought I was, I still focused all my energy on betrayal recovery for us both. This all long before I realized he's a narcissist. Pure hell! I'm beginning my healing now. It's been utterly debilitating and I've lost everything and everyone in my life. It's criminal. Speaking of criminal, he was arrested and charged for DV about 6 times in 2 years and I persuaded the judge to dismiss every single charge. So he has no DV criminal record. That's a hard pill to swallow. 💜

[@californiaantkeeper]

Jeez. Could have wrote this about my wife.

[@sweett1471]

He doesn't happen to be from New Orleans does he? Sounds all to familiar.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Our self-betrayals give them so much supply. The parasitism has no boundaries -- nothing to stop them draining us of all our resources until we put a stop to it.

[@lisalanfranchi5188]

@@sweett1471 no

[@angiethomas663]

I didn’t realize the extent of the abuse till I got out and away from him. Things I would see with my own eyes, he would tell me I was wrong that I was crazy when I knew what I saw. I knew what happened. Getting out of the marriage I look back and think how in the world did I put up with that so long.

[@RawMotivations]

Im glad to hear you are out of that! You are strong and deserving of love. Healing is a process...

[@celestemcmillan2006]

He abused me , knew he was cheating and we never had sex and the intimacy that we did have was only about him , i was never satisfied, he was emotionless

[@jbh5294]

😢❤

[@cherylkingsbury1788]

It's more than a challenge. It's a deadly toxic insanity torment u struggle to breathe. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE please hugs n prayers. I will never b the same my blessings r I can spot them now OMG.

[@cherylkingsbury1788]

They r everywhere.

[@MitchellAdair-dm4vl]

It starts now there's a place to really talk about this it just recently ended again I wish I could tell the whole story because I' half kip up with the story I keep journals dates I look back through my journals all the time she left me as far back as two Christmases back it is the same thing right in these books over and over again. It's so sad she keeps me away from the ones I it's always always accusing me of things horrible things

[@MitchellAdair-dm4vl]

😢 in some weird way I'm still waiting for her to come back around God help me

[@leahrosemondberry3514]

I'm finally seeing ALL of my husbands manipulative tactics that I have been making excuses for. For almost 10yrs I have been seeing the poor behavior, but if I wasn't blaming myself, I was blaming his PTSD or his upbringing. It might be some of those, but it should have never been okay to KNOWINGLY treat someone this way WITHOUT changing.

[@leonidasguzman5701]

I loved it for over 30 years. Had no idea of what a narcissist was.

[@ginadean5696]

What you says makes sense. I am out of the relationships marriage now 10 years, no contact now that the kids are grown. Lots of grieving what I lost and what was stolen from me and the kids. In the end , grateful and stronger to get through this. I can spot a narcissist quite quickly now. Get support and help on your healing journey would be my advice.

[@emmarae4322]

I knew his ex was back in his life when he started talking about her more and telling me things about her like they were having recent conversations.

[@terriblue68]

My last 2 relationships were with narcs. Grown men, in their 60s. Both had failed marriages, kids. I have my own story so I wasn't about to judge anyone. I don't hold that much power. I tried to end both relationships and one talked me out of it. The other just contacted me out of the blue after I told him to piss off. We weren't hanging at this time. One hadn't found his new supply yet, the other was grooming me for the future need. Tonight I'm doing dishes, the thought popped into my head to contact that last guy to see how he's doing. NOT happening. I'm glad I caught myself. He doesn't want to hear from me. He is doing his thing, not giving me a 2nd thought. He's moved on and doing exactly what he did with me. Drives tractor trailer, so he's got nothing but time on his hands to troll women. I'm thankful I talked myself out of making contact. I would have regretted it. Probably be told to eff off. I'm busy with my new woman, don't call me again. And I'd open up all the wounds again. Mine is still fairly fresh. June 25, 2023 was our last contact. Zero contact since. Plan to keep it that way. Thank you for your videos and reassuring us trying to heal that we are doing the right thing. Peace & love to all.

[@shannenanderson9666]

My husband of 9 years (together 14 & separated 2) also drives tractor trailer for a living. The way he went about taking on his new career about 6/7 years ago out of the blue with our youngest child only a couple months old and 4 more children 2 to 12 was just crazy. No talking to me about it, no asking what I thought etc. Told me he was doing it because "it's something he always wanted to do, he doesn't care if it ends in divorce, that he would send his daughter (that I raised for years) back to her druggie mother" etc. And then told people that I wasn't supportive. 😑

[@terriblue68]

@shannenanderson9666 I believe it gives them the freedom to troll for women. All those hours alone in the trucks. Doing whatever they want to do. Whenever they want to do it. 100% in control. My ex is Canadian and divorced from a few American women. What does that tell you? Creepy if you want my opinion on that. I only found out about these divorces because I was cleaning out his pick up truck (he paid me to do this) and found the divorce certificates to women I'd never heard of before. So grateful I am where I am today. 🙏 ❤️ He will go on living his sick and twisted life. Running from and running to, absolutely nothing! I'll pray for you to find strength & courage to do what you need to do to be happy in your life and your children's lives! You're not alone my friend.

[@terriblue68]

@@shannenanderson9666 and he accused me constantly of being unfaithful. Told him that's actually a reflection of his behavior, not mine. The accuser is the guilty party.

[@brittanygoodine2726]

This video was so truthful and honest… I couldn’t finish it… not today. It’s too much, too painful.

[@proazoo150xlol2]

Having someone like you whos not only a great innovator but also pulls his best to get the work done so beautifully needs nothing but appreciation. *Tuskhacking* thanks for the well off work your consistency bring your all and I truly appreciate that. Th

[@saintejeannedarc9460]

Yes, they will deflect and throw every road block in your path to avoid accountability for their actions. you have to approach w/ energy and focus and be unrelenting in your focus. I had to learn this over time. Better yet that I learned is it's too exhausting and they wear you down every time. Eventually I just got out. In terms of this relationship, he's hopeless and I'm out of time and energy for it. Hope he gets help someday.

[@m.o.s.h.1836]

For God will bring every deed into judgment, includinhg every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. ( Ecc.12:14) For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into open. ( Luke 8:17)

[@shawrmachicken3382]

I wish I have had someone telling me all this before I got married. My husband of 25 years used to behave like a dictator and all the red flags were there. Emotional abuse is a serious problem in a relationship. From emotional abuse, cheating started.*THA

[@idid138]

Someone told me, but I was young and dumb and had his baby. I didn't fathom the next 17 years could be this hard. I thought he would grow up.

[@willowclay5406]

It's three cycles: love bombing, devalue, and discard. Then hoovering, you go back and start the cycle again! This is boomerang hoover! I didn't fall for it!

[@corrinpaglieri8465]

It’s all so exhausting to even try to figure out who,what,when,how. I let it all go I figured it would be hard to go through the process but I could only grow from breaking away. So far so good 😊

[@MissesDepp]

I spent 10 years with a narcissist before finally being able to escape. I hadn't seen or heard from him in 2 years and unfortunately a little more than a month ago he was killed in a motorcycle accident.