How Narcissists Interpret Your Healing

[@sandracaezza7234]

I found a quote to share with this community, “ I would like to be a whole happy human not a human full of holes.” Without the narc I have that opportunity.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

THAT is a great quote to remember. Thank you 😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That made me grin!

[@roxymovie3938]

Good "picture" 👌 And I agree with Dr Carter for I also had to grin and with Amanda that this quote is good to remember. Thanks for sharing 👏

[@evezazzle5974]

❤proud of you and thank you so much for sharing this golden nugget with us! Wishing you a kind and gentle recovery and life 🙏☀️💐🤗

[@deborahcollins1100]

Wow! That’s really a very cool quote 🥰

[@forensicfaithinprofiling]

They hate you when you're weak and hurting, and they hate you when you're strong and healed. I say let them hate us all they want as we're strong and healed. Thanks Dr C!

[@jpp2377]

In other words they hate you because their heart is full of hate

[@Triple_J.1]

@@jpp2377how dare you speak of my mother like that.

[@jpp2377]

@@Triple_J.1 Touché

[@colleenshea2293]

At the core the narc is full of rage.

[@alexpeterson9468]

lol spot on!@@Triple_J.1

[@tombuddy100]

So, narcissist has something like the following mindset: I cannot improve myself, so I will try to control others and make them responsible for my well-being. If they do not cooperate, or they want to go their own way, I will sabotage them and make their life as miserable as I can, while accusing them of doing that to me.

[@sturobertson6791]

I really like your comment....I think many will see their own situation in your words. I'd also had. (for I got told this for years)..."I only get angry and break things because of you...." All the best👍🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You nailed it!

[@tombuddy100]

@@SurvivingNarcissism So, narcissist does not seem to not have any objectivity or sense of justice or fairness at all?

[@i.ehrenfest349]

@@tombuddy100in my view, after watching them for decades: they can’t see beyond their own feelings. It’s not really about being right or wrong, but about whether you can see the other person as someone in their own right, with their own feelings, experiences, needs. And they just can’t see that, they relate everything back to their own feelings. Some kind of developmental shortfall, perhaps. Tragic, also for themselves because I believe they truly cannot see the other’s point of view, they truly cannot feel what you feel. Since only their own feelings matter ‘fairness’ is simply defined by what makes them feel ok. There is no objective morality. “It is what I feel!” as my aunt used to scream after physically assaulting 15 year old me. And that made it ok. There were no other considerations.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

@@sturobertson6791yeah, my aunt assaulted me physically several times a week, usually after a night out drinking. I lived with her at ages 15 through 18. She would completely lose it, keeping slapping my face for easily half an hour at a time. And she’d shout abuse and tell me she would have me locked up in a mental institution because according to her I was insane. “You bring this out in me!” she once yelled. I was shocked thinking I had caused that violence and craziness and spit-flying anger. I thought I must be a bad person, in addition to being insane, and though I wasn’t even religious I thought I would go to hell. I was afraid to mix with people and make friends because I realised I was a very, very bad person so I had no right to be among good people. Then she got a boyfriend and she assaulted him, too. I guess it wasn’t just me bringing this out? He took it, which I’ll never understand. I used to hear the sound of her hitting him carried by the water pipes to my part of the house (a back room looking out onto a wall). Good times!

[@Yarblocosifilitico]

let me guess: as a personal attack tailored against them...

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it!

[@fernandomoreno475]

As a personnal attack but not only, i think. They will feel that they are about to lose the battle they started with you, and you will be tossed away like an old sock.

[@ND-or5so]

Yarblocosifilitico: Guaranteed!

[@ND-or5so]

​@fernandomoreno475 I think, mainly it's a Personal Attack to them. A Covert Narcissist as he is can't deal with the fact he's done anything wrong to me. He can't take accountability for anything.

[@fernandomoreno475]

@@ND-or5so he can't deal with it for sure, but he also perfectly know what game he's playing. And the first rule of any game is to be ready lose. They obviously choose opponents easy to discard at first glance, but as thé healing goes by, they can realize they made a mistake here. So here comes the part when it becomes important to toss you, and choose an other victim. They perfectly know it, so don't get fooled.

[@secondhorizon]

Loss of Control = Threat (simple as that)

[@shenisenicole103]

Period .

[@Rain9Quinn]

✔️

[@Melly16yr10]

Especially financially

[@maryj7950]

Yup! And don't EVER forget...that little dose of JEALOUSY that you inadvertently just jab,jab, jab, them with! Never intentionally of course...but IT IS a SELF INFLICTED emotion that you...BEING your FABULOUS self can IF you allow yourself, actually SEE! Just sayin...the More YOU have to offer the world, the more miserable THEY are. It took me (longer than it should) to actually Realize ALOT of their Distain came directly from their inability to SHARE in my life...as they spent MOST of their time in absolute ENVY OF me & My LIFE. Make NO mistake...jealousy is eating them from the inside out. So KEEP your Beautiful Strong Held HIGH & let them trip ALL over themselves trying to knock u down. You WILL get to a point where you will recognize what's REALLY going on and ONE DAY...when your not in reactive mode, you will actually be able to Laught AT THEM. Because really...how REDICULIOUS it ALL is! P E A C E!

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

They won't see it as "healing". They see it as you having gone mad. My mother told me that she hopes I can grow in to the person I was meant to be. Well I'm trying. But the person she believes I should grow in to is somebody who has no visible reaction to being mocked, labelled, blamed, shamed and excluded. That is the only version of me that my family wants.

[@sturobertson6791]

Hi Susana. Very well said. I completely understand and agree about you saying 'they see it as you having gone mad..' it's so heartbreakingly crazy!...as many of us spent a lot of time believing and feeling :we must be the crazy one'....until we grow and learn...then we know we aren't the crazy one👍🙏

[@blydnhvghn]

Congratulations! Sounds like you have outgrown your mother, keep going❤

[@phoenixrising33]

Yeah, I get you.

[@Yarblocosifilitico]

good news is: no contact (or, rather, minimal contact) will make you that person to them!

[@carolnahigian9518]

I hear you!

[@angelamwatts]

Being in a relationship with a narcissist, is like being in a relationship with a dictator. One little infraction and then you have to put up with the tantrums, disrespect and other nasty things.

[@sula1529]

Yes whether with a partner or a friend. Mind boggling.

[@angelamwatts]

@@sula1529 Coworkers, relatives, etc.

[@marian9410]

tell me about it. My father and sister both top executives in global companies, him overtly and brutally authoritarian, she covert machiavellian (snake!) and I should have let go of them decades ago. I am 59 and didn't get it earlier. the brother is an entitled, vile charming manipulator, grinning grifter, but also shouted me down when he was younger and called me the most vile things. Mother a bit more covertly a narc, says to me: "what did you do wrong to get cancer?". Gone no contact with all after my father passed last year

[@danielkaiser8971]

Exactly correct. A narcissist's expectation of you are like an electric can opener. The moment is does not function as performed, the narcissist injects their rage into the object that is out of their dictatorial control.

[@sula1529]

@@angelamwatts how do you deal with a friend that turned out to be a narc , cut you off via text with no explanation and is blackening your name because you werent available 24/7 ? Now your whole community thinks you are the bad person even though you did nothing wrong !!!

[@douaa1934]

Its a personal threat to the narcissist after all their effort to keep stuck. Its like a betrayal to the narcissist and their trauma bond plan

[@tbunnyshy1]

Literally 🎯🎯

[@sturobertson6791]

Hi Douaa, and really well said👍

[@cherobinson6371]

I have a family of about 50 people who all acted like they didn’t know each other and all Gaslit me with exactly the same Dialogue. They spent 6 years trying to convince me that I’m worthless and that I should just roll over and play dead? I finally had someone ( A police Officer tell me- Hey by the way those neighbors who are acting like Dbags too U? And calling us with false stories about You etc? They are all related by blood they been doing this for decades too unsuspecting New people in town who aren’t like them. Narcissistic go too shocking lengths. I mean this Klan? Acted! Literally Staged things literally think it’s OK 2 Stalk and gon2 police with false reports…

[@ChildoftheLIGHT]

My narcissistic husband actually thinks that HE is trauma bonded. Talk about yet another twisted delusion. I told him he is dependent and in constant need of validation and suggested he get professional help.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Absolutely 💯

[@naturefleur2062]

They get angry because all their “hard work” to break you down and make you compliant is getting undone. No wonder they get mad! To them, their abuse is necessary and helpful for how they survive and function. How dare someone disassemble what they worked so hard to create! Mental power over another human being takes time and effort to create and they hate seeing their efforts wasted and NOT get the reward that they were expecting and working toward (you, on a platter, giving endlessly so they can drain endlessly). You healing to them is you removing the opportunity they would have gotten through you…they’re like a spoiled child with their toy getting taken away. Now they have to start all over again with someone else and the real insult to injury is THEY weren’t the one in control of this process! THEY weren’t the one to discard you and be finished, what a wound to their ego twice! They have to be faced with the fact they aren’t as powerful as they like to think they are. And they’re lazy, now they have to find another way to extricate to meet their needs. Once this happens, they will always see you as the enemy (to them, you are) and seek to punish and sabotage you.

[@schizorap]

The punishments in my situation are bizarre and constant and I am 45, really soul draining

[@marian9410]

described my sister and in fact all the other narcs in my family (both parents and both siblings) perfectly! The sister sadly believes that she had managed to groom me long enough, but then I claimed my rights when my narc father passed and the sister didn't like it. She ghosted me first she will say because I was unreasonable. I wrote her a few emails after that but she has gone silent. In her mind she dropped me, but I know better and I sure hope she notices that I am not there anymore to give her love and attention. I actually called her out in an email that I knew exactly what she had done over the decades and that I have seen right through her. Whether she read it or not, I don't really care, I needed that in order to feel like it was my choice.

[@macunz111]

Holy buckets 😂 You are spot on! I love your insights about narcissists! A little comic relief on this nightmare journey 👏🤗✊️🎁

[@kemifolabi3307]

😂❤❤ spot on!

[@wayneelliott1180]

When you see what they are and walk away their destructive fury will follow.

[@wendyelliott6828]

I was in charge of damage control. I left. He couldn’t control all of the damage he wreaked. He collapsed. He loved watching me spin in reaction to all of the crazy he created. But he also lost his ability to stay in control of his own life.

[@janaleelee6535]

Quote from "The Secret Garden" book: "Where you tend a rose, a thistle can not grow." Let's tend to our mental health and thrive. Make no room for the narcissistic thistles.

[@Lemana28021989]

As a threat. They cannot control you anymore.

[@tbunnyshy1]

Precisely 🎯

[@SendItForward]

It's like they are addicted to controlling a person and when they cannot anymore they have withdrawal symptoms and are all outta sorts. That's how they appear to me anyway.

[@denisem4575]

If they spent the time appreciating you and trying to make you happy/love you as they’ve spent time trying to control you imagine what a beautiful life you would’ve had😔

[@SendItForward]

@@denisem4575 INDEED!!!

[@Lemana28021989]

​@@denisem4575and they themselves. But they can't. They are not able to. Sad little creatures

[@patricksicard_psy]

After 7 years of living with this twisted and evil person I closed the door. It will be a year on 27 July. The way to outsmart the narcissist is to discard them and maintain no contact. Validate yourself and become whole again.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yep!

[@yourbodyandu]

Yep. I have fewer and fewer bad dreams.

[@elenaruiz73]

Amen to that. May I have the courage to do just as mentioned

[@bindibud23]

12:07: "There's gonna be a certain price that you'll have to pay." This made me smile, because I remembered, thirty years ago, meeting with the divorce lawyer in Paris. I told her the story in ten minutes and she said (rough translation), "You have married an old boar, little one, and you will not escape without losing a few feathers." She may not have known all the narc vocab, but she sure knew the type.

[@ilashankar9031]

Your divorce lawyer's observation made me smile. 😊 ....and thanks for that 'silver lining'!!!❤

[@jennw6809]

I absolutely love her metaphor. Congrats on getting out and finding her help!

[@michiganlighthouse]

It's comforting to be reminded that true wisdom is universal. And timeless. Love her metaphor.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Though I am not a lawyer, but considered it; I hope you've re-grown your feathers!🐦Bonne chance toujours!!

[@bindibud23]

Merci! Et bonne année!@@jackilynpyzocha662

[@gracieambrosio4967]

I think a person can find many strategies to live with a narc BUT it will never be the life you're wanted to live. You'll be just SURVIVING daily.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Exactly.

[@sandrabellerue2836]

You're in a constant case of fight or flight. No contact works but takes time. It's great to get back to your own identity.

[@wheatORweed]

I am hoping for that.

[@rwdchannel2901]

Most of my healing started after I went no contact with my narcissistic parents. I was limited contact with them until I was 35 years old. Now I'm 42 and it's unbelievable how much I healed. I'm a completely different person.

[@marian9410]

Bless you. Well done wish I had done that when I was younger. I went no contact with narc mother brother and sister at 59 a few months ago. Father ( also a narc, surprise surprise) passed last year before I could tell him exactly what I thought of him and go no contact. Stupid me. Thanks for sharing your story. I have hope that I will also be better soon. I get an inkling at times but it has been soul crushing and heartbreaking to be the only empath in that family of origin. My husband is good and his family as well so I will be ok I know!

[@nmc1859]

Ikr. I was low contact before. It was still detrimental. Now no contact and i can feel myself finally beginning to heal 💖

[@rwdchannel2901]

@@nmc1859 I thought low contact would be good for a long time too, but found out it kept me connected to people who wanted to see me fail in life. Weird and bad things happened to me when I was low contact with my narcissistic parents. Right after I went no contact it was akin to a black storm cloud that was over my head going away. All the sudden good things started happening in my life repeatedly. I even went back and fixed bad things that hurt my self image from 20 years ago. Narcissist parents love to hurt your self image. If you can go back and fix bad things that happened in your life it will help a lot.

[@AuditingMass77]

I know exactly what you're talking about hun!!🙏

[@crystalshard5830]

Glad you made it ❤💪🏻 If only I could make it work and catch up as well 😣

[@whistlinfreedom]

From my experience... not well. Not being a doormat makes you a moving target instead.

[@portiamaema8157]

It's about them again. You are doing this to hurt them. You've gone no contact to hurt them. You're doing self development to hurt them. You're with that new guy/girl to hurt them. That last social media post you wrote was about them. Them, them & them. That is how a narcissist interprets your healing!!!😫😭

[@tbunnyshy1]

This right here 👆 sums it all up very well! 🎯🎯🎯 Its like they are saying, “How dare you not be a good, unstable, vulnerable and needy supply anymore!” Ugh 🙉

[@Picca65]

This is spot on!!

[@sturobertson6791]

I really appreciate your post. Such a complete description of how they behave in one paragraph. I second tbunnyshy"s comments too. Brilliant... what you both have said is like super growth food for all of us healthy people👍👍🙏🙏

[@marian9410]

OMG another great contributor who appears to have lived my story. Thank you for this! It is incredible how you speak as if you know me and doubtless most of the other poor people on this channel who have been targeted in that way. In my case for decades by all of my narc family. both parents, both siblings. Insidious. the sister only blew her cover (covert narc, Machiavellian kind, groomed me to believe she was the only one on my side against the other narcs!!), because she lost her control after the passing of the father. They all think that I am the problem because I am the only one in the family who had therapy for the past decades on and off and I work on myself constantly. they didn't 'need' any of that. In fact the mother is scathing against psychologists/counsellors (she is perfect you see) and the brother once said he wrapped one around his little finger when she tried to help him.

[@usernameisunavailable8270]

You can say that again! Facts💯🙌

[@phoenixrising33]

I've stayed away from my family of origin for the past year and 9 months... I gotta say, what a relief it's been! I'm on a journey of healing and I'm very pleased I'm free to be me. God is walking with me on my journey. I deserve to heal everywhere I hurt. Thank you for your message of reassurance and validation. Give Gus a hug. ❤

[@tbunnyshy1]

Congratulations! I hope to accomplish all you have…one day! ❤️

[@josiah5776]

Same here! Already at the 5-year mark. It just gets better and better. Not only am I free of them, I'm also free of fly-bys from their flying monkeys.

[@beentherebefore050]

Took me decades to finally separate from toxic family, including my own son who is a flying monkey; it's difficult and the pain was unbearable at times, but we can endure with God's help and reach such peace of mind that we never had with them

[@josiah5776]

@@beentherebefore050 I can relate. My son is also a flying monkey. He went so far as to try to do the narcissist's dirty work with false legal charges against me. It didn't work, but I won't have him in my life anymore. I won't trust someone who betrays like that, even my own blood.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I wish I could embrace having been excluded even though now, I'm not trying to initiate any communication. I feel so disappointed. I dont really feel relief. Although I am less upset and less angry. I'll come to terms with it eventually

[@blaseapricot]

The covert narcissist I abandoned 8 years ago (yes, 8!) has recently hoovered me with 'love quotes'. One of them was: 'Loyalty is the most attractive thing.' I've healed a long time ago but I still observe, I simply do not absorb. This is what it's all about, 'how dare you move on', just like stated in the video. It's crazy that you could be simply living your life and in narcissists deranged mind they still think they have some kind of 'power' over you. Truth is, they never had any real power over you to begin with but it takes a long time to figure that out, explain it to yourself and eventually, accept it. So please know that these are not healthy people and if you have detached, you have nothing to do with them anymore, seriously. You owe them nothing 🙅‍♀

[@InvisibleWarrior279]

Downright bizarre, isn’t it? My narcissist ex contacted me by e-mail after 20 years during the pandemic, more or less demanding to talk to me. Needless to say I declined. I am not the young, naive cheerleader anymore. Even by e-mail he ALL CAPS yelled at me when I said no, I didn’t want to talk to him. The good news is it made me realize how much I have grown since then 😊

[@blaseapricot]

@@InvisibleWarrior279 sadly not bizarre for a narcissist, as 'the passage of time' means absolutely nothing to them... throughout their whole life they either remain the same or get worse, but their biggest mistake is that they think the same for you - that you will be the same as well, forever! Joke's on them. You did good and I am so proud of you. That's called growth! 👏❤

[@ravenel2]

Ah, these Hoovers where they talk at you. As if their point of view is the only one that exists and you have to go over to that side. Think up a parallel assertion in your mind that represents YOUR point of view. Like, “No one should listen to narcissists when they come up with this crap.”

[@blaseapricot]

@@ravenel2 right? except they don't even come up with this crap, they just copy paste random quotes online 🧐😂so glad I am able to laugh about it and just continue with my day.

[@InvisibleWarrior279]

@@ravenel2 “talk at you” wow. Yes that is exactly what they do!! It is like a monologue of nothingness directed at some kind of emotional reaction. They just want validation for their insanity, I suppose.

[@camillet9883]

I told my mom I was in therapy. She replied “Are you saying I’m a bad mother?” 🙄 I was 50 yrs old at the time.

[@susansheldon2707]

It's always only about them. Only them.

[@schizorap]

Of course she had the need to make it about her 😂

[@marian9410]

mine thinks psychologist are nonsense and told me once: " what did you do wrong to get cancer?" really sensitive and warm and fuzzy thing to say for a mother, isn't it? tells you what my childhood was like. I should have there and then answered" I hung around you all for too long that's why I am constantly ill. Brother, sister and father also narcs by the way. Great stuff. I have gone no contact with them all now after the passing of the authoritarian father created chaos

[@wayneelliott1180]

Mine scoffed, denied, projected, deflected, belittled - then screamed that I must be mentally ill if I'm seeking therapy. The attention-seeking harpy then lamented that the doc and I would be talking about her (outside of her control, of course!)

[@deemaysie6568]

@@marian9410 Hope you managed to kick cancer's butt!. If it's any consolation, I am laughing my head off because those are the exact words my mother would say. Any medical affliction was IMMEDIATELY your fault entirely. "See, I told you eating tofu will give you cancer."

[@Havenforhealing]

Something we now say in our house is, " no leaves a space for a better yes".

[@Lola-mt1ne]

I ended a relationship with a narcissistic boyfriend 5 years ago. What I know is that he has no idea of the maladaptive behaviours that are an integral part of who he is. Walk away is the watch word.

[@mthomas3547]

It's quite the eye-opener when you realize that the most important part of you is being healed and they see those moments of healing as a ploy against them.

[@marian9410]

OMG, YES! the lack of empathy is disturbing! I had cancers, lung clots, pneumonia, pleurisy and ongoing asthma. Long covid after hospitalisation in the first, dangerous phase. And they don't give two hoots. both parents, both siblings narcs of various colouring. Father passed now, completely ignored me being breathless on a Christmas call after coming back from hospital and trying to push his agenda and make me feel guilty. The mother: " what did you do wrong to get cancer?" That was a few years ago, and I now know the exact answer I should have given her: " I hung around for far too long with you all". am 59 now and proud to have gone no contact with all of them more recently. Sadly never got to tell the father what I thought of him, but the others didn't like me calling them out. Finally, I am free. Going through my own hell, but free!!

[@usernameisunavailable8270]

Or when you try to work on healing and your mental health and the person will purposely try to annoy you, trigger you, or bait you to get an emotional response so they know they still have you under their control and grasp.

[@snowbear1877]

I seem to attract narcissists wherever I go. People maltreat me because I have low self-esteem. I am not even aware of it. They puck it up from my body language. I've had many toxic friends and tolerated too much. I am probably toxic myself.

[@KatWoodland]

Great video. I am living proof that the absence of my pathologically narcissistic partner(s) ADDS DAILY JOY. Healing at 60 after finally discovering it was my mother who was the raging narcissist all my life. Yes. All my partners were on the pathologically narcissistic spectrum. All. For such a supposed small percentage of the human population I attracted them 100%. Not anymore. By the way ladies the single men on dating apps are all damaged goods. Stay away. It’s better to be autonomous than with another unhealthy person. Indeed the absence of abusers is a daily joy. I count my blessings. I make be almost broke but I am alive and healthy minded.

[@lynnbrown4364]

"You add to the quality of your life by subtraction." Resonates deeply. Almost 2 years no contact with my narc sister and her flying monkeys which include her children that I tried to protect. Now I protect myself. Dr C, thank you for guiding me to a healthier, reality based mindset. Not fully there, but I feel an "end" in sight. Don't know what that looks like, but I'll know when I get there.

[@EC-yd9yv]

🌺🙏🕊️

[@cannibale101]

Oof, I just want to share that i also had to cut contact with my sister and that implied her children who have never asked for anything and certainly don't deserve what they were born into. It's so hard, such a tough move to make. Everyday I doubt myself. Hence why i thought it might make us both a tiny little stronger if we know we're not alone in this. Wish you the best.

[@marian9410]

Good for you!! I have a covert Machiavellian narc sister who learned from the narc father and brother not to be overt narcs. The men had shouting matches and she figured she would play the long control. I tried to stand up for the mother who also is a covert narc and is like the father ( now dead) financially abused by the brother ( a lawyer for inheritance!) out of hundreds of thousands over the decades. He and the sister are trying to walk all over me. The worst thing is when you, as you tried with the children of your sister, do the right thing and stand up for someone ( I must have tried that hundreds of times in that family for one or the other and actually saved the fathers life once) but they have stabbed me in the back over and over. I paid with my physiology. Cancer twice, lung clots, chronic asthma, long Covid and these supposed human beings were still trying to stamp on me. My husband and his family are lovely. A normal bunch of people and without all of them I would never have managed to go no contact with my family of origin. 4 months now. I am 59. Everyone get out before you regret it!!!

[@OICUR12]

"her flying monkeys" HA-larious!

[@lynnbrown4364]

@cannibale101 Thank you and you too!That's why I appreciate this platform...people who have not experienced narcissistic abuse have no clue how insidiously damaging it is. Wishing us more Power!!!

[@karenabrams8986]

They view it as you becoming a bad heartless person when they can’t blow you up using emotions and sensitive information exploitation. Realizing that no one with narcisism is an arbiter of who is good or bad is very liberating.

[@rahrahrobbbieee]

Let us all be thankful for the likes of Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are kind.

[@deborahcollins1100]

After listening to this today I realize that my abusive husband actually gives me a compliment when he states every now and then that I have changed so much and that I’m not anything like I used to be. Of course he doesn’t realize that statement unknowingly really encourages me 😊

[@seameology]

Very nice!

[@MichaiGatlen]

They interpret healing as rejection, a personal attack, and proof of your insanity

[@namedeleted5945]

I got married moved away learned how to stick up for myself was told i was ruined. it's been decades now, i just learned about the smear campaign and why people i thought were good people turned their backs on me. Narcissists are the best at destroying their target.

[@jamesrutter4100]

They were not good people. And they were "fair weather" friends. Do not miss them, they were snakes in the grass all along, and the narc shone a light on them for you too see who they really are

[@DianaIsabel929]

Math metaphor works! Subtracting a negative is adding a positive 😂

[@MusikAddictt]

On my birthday one year, I told my mom that I had just got back from the doctor where I had cancer cells removed from my cervix. She responded "well I've had cancer for awhile and I'm dying." I just walked away thinking to myself "I didnt know this was a competition..." But that's when I realized that everything throughout my life she has always made it a competition. I never want to be like that with my children.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Such a missed opportunity for mother/daughter bonding

[@bluidwon]

I was told “You ‘self-helped’ yourself right out of something great, this is ridiculous…” there was more before and after but that was it, I was 100% done.

[@twowolves888]

Remember, a calamity and a misfortune can be great too

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's the point of this whole video!!

[@100th_monkey]

Yup, I got "all I ever wanted was for you to need me, AND YOU TOOK THAT AWAY FROM ME". Byeeeee.

[@catherinepraus8635]

Huh never heard that one before what they come up with is crazy making 😵‍💫

[@catherinepraus8635]

Aren’t they always in the victim mode” you made me abuse you “ how dare you 🙄

[@Brîndușa_D]

After 43 years - me beeing now 53 yo - i am free from my mother's power.She "is done with me because i am soooo disrespectful " to her.And i am happy that i found this chanell and a wonderful comunity who helped me getting through all the nightmare my whole life was untill three month ago.Thank all of you from south-eastern Europe.

[@marian9410]

hello there! I am 59 and only recently managed to go no contact with the narc mother (covert, dismissive, insensitive," what did you do wrong to get cancer?" she told me), narc brother (malignant entitled, charming BS grifter, fleeced my parents financially) and narc sister (machiavellian, covert, only recently noticed her playing me for decades!),. All of that blew up after the narc father (entitled, top executive, authoritarian, self absorbed) passed away last year. Of course everyone thinks they have ghosted me because I am sooo disrespectful (same as your case, surprise, surprise) but they don't know that I have decided that I am glad I got rid of them all!! It was hell I am not going to lie but I am coming out the other end, seeing the light.

[@Brîndușa_D]

@marian9410 Bravo for cutting them off.

[@cjlbulsara]

It is often said that a "narcissist" is known to look upon others as nothing more than a useful toaster, microwave, or washing machine...a thing, an appliance. When a narcissist junks you and puts you in the garage, storage, or even the trash, and when the "appliance" starts reacting and talking, imagine what that would be like. Imagine a "talking washing machine" or "toaster"...Imagine the narcissist's astonishment that his/her washing machine has cognition and can talk back. It seems to me, that's how they see us...We try to talk, to reason, to love them...and for a narcissist, it is confusing to be loved by a washing machine. To convince them that you're a human being, and not a washing machine, who is healing, doesn't mean much to them. One day, you won't care what the narc thinks or feels. If they want to see you as a washing machine, so what? That's their problem. If a narcissist wants to hunt around for another appliance, and looks for external validation from an appliance, since that's all they see others as being, well...imagine that. So... I hope this helps you walk away from your Narc. God created you as human, not an appliance to be abused.

[@Abundantcreative]

I started working with a shaman to heal my issues with my toxic sisters. Once my sisters could feel the amazing changes I've been making they told me that the shaman I've been seeing has put negative energy in me and I'm "possesed" all because I am no longer taking their crap anymore.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I think that they interpret your healing as independence from them. Then they lose their supply!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on, Amanda.

[@sturobertson6791]

Yes! Well said, and they try every tactic they can to get you to become the supply again....if you stay strong, and stay on the healing path, they will eventually look elsewhere for someone else to be their supply 🙏👍

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@sturobertson6791 Agreed 👍

[@roxymovie3938]

Yes, the more independent you get, the more they feel seperation, which turns to less supply out of you, because they loose control, which leads them to punish you and when they think you are useless, you will get their discard like a final punishment of invalidation. Sending you lots of light from the statue of liberty 🗽❣

[@roxymovie3938]

​@@sturobertson6791They will always look elsewhere because they need lots of options and you will never be the one and only supply! 😉

[@maryellenyork2819]

Healing is slow because narcissists attack your spirit.

[@schizorap]

Energy Vampires

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Yes.

[@Nothingbutlovehere369]

I often wonder… How many of us here think of Dr. C as our surrogate dad? Love this man and the good work he is doing. Thank you, Dr. C. And Gus. ❤️❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Such kind words. Thanks so much.

[@christinemanigian209]

You're right, Dr. Les. He would always say to me, "Everyone knows you're crazy," with a smirk on his face. He's got another permanent victim to gaslight. Let him gaslight her & let her endlessly try to please him. I'm taking care of myself.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're on it!!

[@JR-ej9up]

I'd say Threats. Narcissist view everything productive as threats. Because the world revolves around them. Forcefully so. I myself have narcissist parents. Older sisters. And an older brother in law. I probably am a bit of a narcissist myself. Overcoming these issues has been a focus and a challenge to Not become so overly focused on these issues. As narcissist want to be the bane of your existence. They want you to feel like crap. Have pain and hurt. And definitely sadness on account of them. They want to control others thru their words and emotions. And it's all for them to feel love. Crazy to think that someone with mental health issues such as a narcissist or sociopath wants to hurt you so that they can feel connection. But that's what they offer. Lies are normal and regular behavior. Truth is exposure, and they never ever want to be exposed. Will say anything to keep the momentum coming their way in the form of, All thoughts are about them. Gaslighting is normal behavior as well. Alignment is far from regular behavior, as they trash everyone behind their backs. And to their faces very abruptly. I have been laughed in my face by these people who hurt me, Because they feel laughing is an upperhanded maneuver, rather than listening to their faults and responsibility. All of this is hard. But to take a step back, My family is no different than lots of families and friends out their. Mine, others. It's just the way of the world. Looking for the good people is hard for me these days. But I don't give up. Maybe even my own family will learn to chill out. But those come in moments. And they are fleeting. Feeling trapped with these people can make me feel angry, but again, who cares what they feel or think. Most Narcissist want slaves. People they own control bully push around and question why you think for yourself. Sometimes physically trapping you to control you thru fear. Sad sad people. Dangerous people. And life is way important thah wasting ones time trying to interact with them. I just Don't. They cry and talk. But they so that with each other anyway. And whatever image they project I don't pay attention either. If everything a narcissist brings to the tabke is bashing people, and i get bashed for being me and being a value and a good person. Then I already know I'm on the right track. I don't need some jerk giving me any affirmation.

[@secondhorizon]

They only *perceive* (not "interpret" ~ a word which implies discernment) your healing/recovery/personal growth as an act/performance/pretense demonstrating or perhaps revealing your cloaked (secretive) intentions of harming them. So essentially ~ as a Threat ~ (agreed).

[@notmymonkeynotmycircus]

You're so right. I'm going thru it this second. It's awful and I've had enough. I just am in the worst possible position for getting out. I am losing my mind here. There are a gang of them . I don't understand

[@cherobinson6371]

They hate seeing others progress or grow spiritually. They have no inner connection sontheybLoath people who are able 2 Grow as they age. They actually get more Demonic with age. Most End up Dementia.

[@Nursegurl82]

THE NARC EX DID EXACTLY EVERYTHING THAT YOU SPOKE ABOUT. It’s scary how accurate you are. He even used several of the exact words and phases you mentioned. Calling me things like “loser”, saying I went “against him”, and that “everyone knows I’m a liar”. They are pathetic and will try their absolute best to tear you completely down if you allow them to.

[@NehaSharma-777]

Woww

[@Sexy-Chocolate23]

Yes!!! My ex Narc has said the same things to me! It’s scary, I now see he used triangulation with me and his mom when we first started dating, by calling HER the narc, and now I see him doing the same thing with his new supply by triangulating with her and I. If that makes any sense lol. And I see he’s done this from the start, but I had no clue. And now I am seeing why his relationships before me never worked

[@Hatbox948]

I think they view our healing as a threat. I'm embroiled in trying to extract myself from my current situation. Now I'm getting comments like "he's not needed" and "all I want is for him to commit suicide", blah, blah. I was doing okay, but have gotten a little depressed and stressed from this. Plus, every time I walk by he'll say "I've got a question for you". Trying to converse in response to that statement is an exercise in futility. I'm thankful I can vent here, and thankful for Dr. Carter's tips on how to deal with these difficult people.

[@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFS]

Uhoh! The threats of suicide are text book emotional blackmail! Answer calm and direct that you would hope nobody would ever do that but you can not and will not be responsible for anyone else's actions but ur own. Like, ur not jumping in front of a bus to stop anyone else from doing it!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFSWell said 👍

[@rosieE121]

Forcing others you love to go along with their narrative against you.

[@rosieE121]

The narcissist forces others to go along with narrative against you.

[@josiah5776]

100% accurate! I've discovered, through several narcs, that the punishment is lessened by cutting them out of your life completely. With this last one, I never introduced him to my circle of friends, so he slandered away to a bunch of flying monkeys who I didn't want in my life anyway.

[@macunz111]

Good one😅

[@kennethlapointesongwriter3330]

Imo 'calm confidence' is everything. Who can shake you, upset you, rattle you, confuse you, hurt you, etc. if you are knowing and secure and calm at your core? Know what you know, know if/when you don't know something (and find out about it). There's only 8 billion other people walking around...you can forego a narcissist!

[@elainesmith5313]

Have discovered in the last 3 months that laughter is truly healing.Reunited with my youngest sister after 10 yrs. We have found so much to laugh about over the fact we both were married to a narcissist. We both went NO CONTACT with the Narcissist families we married into. What was not funny at the time rings funny now. We are both healing and moving forward with life. God has been good to us both and we both have ALOT of gratitude . Leaving the Narc's behind! Thanks Dr. C. Your wisdom is worth Gold!! Envy Guss's nap taking!!

[@SendItForward]

I agree, I look back and see things that happened very comical. Like their very childish antics and behaviors trying to manipulate me and others and ESPECIALLY when they get the bad end of the stick turned on to them. I even laugh at myself how I stupidly just walked right in to the fire and didn't expect to be burned!!! And even now, when I see these narcissist still trying to use their same old bag of tricks, I kinda giggle inside and say to myself ICU and I ain't falling for it this time. I would rather laugh than hate, either them or myself. Laughing is not to belittle another's pain nor experience but rather a "been there done that" response. I have learned much having walked through this and allow myself some grace and acceptance for both mistakes and failures. I no longer HAVE to be perfect, I just want to do the best I can with what I have and keep learning and this channel is helpful.

[@aaronkwolfe]

“You’ve changed.” “You are not the man I married.” The first statement allowed her to assign all the blame in relationship difficulties on to me. The second allowed her to justify whatever she wanted, because she didn’t agree to be married to what I’d “become,” so any (meaning hers) marital vows were nullified.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You've been through the wringer, Aaron. Keep up the forward leaning efforts!!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I had. " You're not the girl I married " because I disagreed. You see, he didn't want to argue with me, but if I disagreed with him, then I was the one causing an argument 😱

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Wow.

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@thecraftytailor Dr. C knows enough of my story (as well as the character I've demonstrated here, among the Team Healthy he has created) to "take sides." He knows that accusations are typically confessions for a narcissist.

[@aaronkwolfe]

My changes were 1) an attempt (in vain) to return to the fun-loving, carefree guy I was when we met. She did not like the somber “noticer” of her attempts to get me to react. Nor did she like that I was no longer trying to soothe her every hurt (because I began to notice that her hurts were becoming more and more fanciful and unrealistic). She also knew me well enough that I would never point out the changes in her that I had also noticed.

[@doubleshot9]

You don't have to work at someone treating you nice. Set a boundary. Block, move on. Heal. Trauma bond kept us from setting boundaries, because we saw that treatment as normal.

[@douaa1934]

Your healing is your LIGHT and your POWER is is enlightening 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@jannawalters232]

I've not been a victim of Narcissism, but know people who have that are close to me. I see Narcs as weak, small bugs!

[@upclosesneakers6875]

Yup, mine scoffed when I was talking to her about self development.. that alone shows how little they respect you

[@mikegump3766]

"Being attached to a narcissist hurts & takes you away from who you can be." Yes, thanks for sharing your knowledge with us...❤

[@michelekurlan2580]

"adding to one's life by subtraction" very good mantra when it comes to pruning the "dead wood."

[@bbjoyce-je1vx]

Thank You Dr. Carter 😃 I have been no contact now with my entire family of origin for a year. My mom & sister are the most ruthless, heartless people I have ever encountered in my life. I always knew it was motivated by their own selfishness. But they stalked me after I went no contact. They work together to plot, scheme and lie in a smear campaign. Sibling stalked by parking down the street watching my house. The mother / daughter team have influenced all of my siblings to turn away from me. I am getting stronger again. I know that's what they are afraid of. That's why this team was so cruel & insulting. The smirks the looks in these 2 individuals faces as they abused me, tells me I made the right decision to go no contact.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you get to find your new freedom!!

[@bbjoyce-je1vx]

Thank You 😁 my mother hoovered for 7 months when I went no contact last year. Many years ago, they drove me to my lowest point with all of their rivalries directed at me. Then I recovered, I didn't know about narcissism back then. During those years mother & sister started hoovering me & stalking. I thought they were sorry. But no, they just doubled down on their abuse. Last year is when I FINALLY went no contact after watching your videos. Thank You with all my heart for helping me get free of these 2 and their supporters. They have caused a lot of pain. Sibling imitated everything about me for years. She told people she IS me. She still imitates me today. The rivalry she & mother displayed towards me was painful. They wanted to be the center of attention and they wanted to rip my self esteem away through plotting & scheming.

[@sturobertson6791]

Hi everyone. This title really got me thinking in many healthy ways.....we CAN heal,...they CAN'T, healing means growing and learning, healthy self care...looking inside ourselves and identifying stuff we need to work on...and we DO....and when we learn how to, we feel free and genuinely content. All unknown concepts to the N's and the toxics, so they feel fear. And, as always, because we are NEVER allowed to do anything by and for ourselves, they :hate" us for it, triggering their rage and craziness etc. Cheers all, gratitude as always🙏🙏🌞🌞

[@SendItForward]

So observant Stu and correct. My projects were considered stupid and a waste of my time and $ UNLESS "he" got to lay some claim on it. If another liked it and "he" didn't get any credit "he" would find all kinds of fault with it. If he couldn't be The King (dictator) in charge and have "his" blessing (approval) over ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, then it was crapola!! Now "he" is king of nothing and his demeanor has changed to poor me, whoa is me, until he can get some pity then it's back to same ole same old.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I really like the way you put this Stu 👍❣️

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@SendItForward I've known many people like this, unfortunately. Take care ❣️

[@SendItForward]

@@amandaliverpool3374 hey 👋 good to hear from you!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@SendItForward How have you been?

[@jeffreymurray4855]

The trauma bond is so powerful when you have ideals and values that cause you to put your own mental and emotional health on the back burner from hoping, wishing and praying for something that will never happen because there is no type of accountability on the behalf of the N and goes to another level when you have to brace yourself to be the bad guy for the entire responsibility of a marriage that is over…YOU are the reason we are in this place and yet you say it’s not healthy (mentally and emotionally) “you’re the reason why it’s like this!”…that’s when I have to remind myself to choose mind (logic and reason ) over emotional CHAOS…

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You get it.

[@KatWoodland]

Ugh. All too familiar. My marriage to a narcissist ended and we raised two kids together. But the kids were well informed it was all due to their mother. Of course.

[@spacegirl226]

Imprisoned by their own dysfunction is absolutely true. I've found as I've tried to heal from a lifetime of abuse, no one in my family (the abusers) has been on my side or even given me a high five that I'm TRYING to do better. All they do is sling mud and insults about how I've "changed" because I don't play these stupid games anymore. No one has listened to me when I've asked them to understand how I ended up the way I did; they take no responsibility for their roles. I have to be sympathetic to them because their lives were hard, but they show me none of that respect in return. It's madness. I can tell that I have changed and I am healing just by how hard they're coming at me when I set a boundary, stick up for myself, or say no. So that's fine, that's fine. I can't go no contact now, but as soon as I can, it's over. I don't need this in my life anymore, nor do I want it. Thank you, Dr. C.

[@marian9410]

totally totally same story here. both siblings, both parents narcs in various shades. Small family, they were coming after my kids as well. I went no contact with them a few months ago last year after the passing of the super-narc authoritarian father, but now my daughter has turned 18 and the malignant slime ball brother has sent his stepson out to congratulate her when he has never done that before. the narc mother hasn't said a word on my birthday or that of my daughter, her grandchild. But the brother is fishing around to influence my daughter, now that she is of age and can make her own decisions. Snakes all of them

[@traxikscifi8105]

I used to be sad with happy moments, now im happy with sad moments ❤

[@austinsalt7705]

What's shocking is her sheer stamina with all of these attacks, she just doesn't get tired of being a bully. The poison keeps coming and coming and coming... There's no change in behavior whatsoever. (we are going through a divorce). Even as she started working on husband #2 I thought there would be a let up, but no, there hasn't been. But I'm soooooo extraordinary thankful to be separated. What I'm going through now is nothing compared to the slavery and mental torture I went through while married. Thank you for your video's!!! They've been a BIG help.

[@marian9410]

its relentless. narcs spend all day every day working on how to best manipulate, subvert, dismiss, ignore, pull down others whilst staying on top. They are addicts, relentless in pursuit of their next fix and don't care who the next one comes from. I am currently going through no contact for the past months with narc mother, narc sister, narc brother after the passing of the narc father. I am 59 and it took me decades to get to this point. That is how much I loved my family of origin. And they just kept going and going. My mother: ' what did you do wrong to get cancer?" I wasn't fast enough but should have said: "hung around all of you for far too long"

[@WisconsinWanderer]

The ex-narc viewed my healing as some kinda weakness! So glad I purged that individual from my healing and growing life!😊

[@marian9410]

oh yes. My narc mother thinks psychologists are nonsense and the narc brother once after threatening suicide has said afterwards that he wrapped the psychologist who tried to help him around his little finger. Both father and sister also narcs by the way. Gone no contact with all of them now, after the authoritarian narc father passed away and the covert machiavellian sister tried to take 'over' the position of the boss. DIdn't like that I called her out and told her I knew who she was!!

[@palalechat]

Radical acceptance, calm confidence. I need this right now, thank you!!

[@janicefalls8950]

It's all happening to me because I'm trying to heal while divorcing him and trying to keep a roof over my head. He says all those horrible things While he spends thousands on his new supply and moved her into our house.

[@scrapeteel1999]

🤢🤮You'll be better off.Keep your head up.

[@SurvivorC]

Healing takes time. When I filed for divorce it was the worst day of my life. (Now I see it as one of the best!) But it was a long hard road & he lied & came after me financially etc., I was desperately trying to hold on to my home etc., but now that it's been several years I can say it's so much better. I gave up my home & lived in an apartment for a while & honestly was so healing. I would encourage you to: 1) build support around yourself. Therapist, church synagogue, friends if you don't have that try Alanon or get in touch with abuse support. 2) see #1 😉 3) make sure you have a lawyer who understands the situation & will fight for you. (I had to get a new lawyer) 4) Breathe ❤️‍🩹

[@lillianbarker4292]

As soon as I got wise to my narcissistic mom and started healing, all her tactics and anger just seemed like proof that I was on the right path. She couldn’t hurt me anymore. I did feel sad to have to accept the full truth that she never loved me and never would. After her rage, like any bully she just went her own way.

[@susankeith326]

They aren't even capable of truly loving themselves, sadly. A person can only love another as much as they love themselves.

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

So true. He was very punishing. No more. I feel freedom even facing all that happened. Healing daily.

[@IAmYourHuckleberry]

The beauty of it all is I am finally cured of the awful, and thankfully short-lived, disease to please and am firmly replanted back inside the familiar comfort of abiding joy and cheerfully optimistic nature I was born with; to which the writings in my 63yo baby book, as well as my enduring relationships, can attest. I am happy to be excited about the future again now that I've re-focused my energy and reclaimed my power through a series of critical choices. For the past two weeks and for the first time ever, I've been the recipient of the classic 'punishment' of the narcissist: The Silent Treatment. There have been occasions to pass one another in the dining room. I surprised even myself when, two days in and without a thought, I spontaneously offered her a sincere smile and genuinely cheerful 'good morning'. This unexpected, subconscious reaction lies largely on the gift she unwittingly gave; space to examine my options and add up the length and breadth of my control over ~ and responsibility for ~ her and others like her. After doing the math, it repeatedly came up zero. That was truly liberating. It's become clear to see who is 'losing' when my DIL responds with her usual icy grunt and perpetual scowl, while I am, once again, a happy human of calm demeanor and peaceful spirit, enjoying another wonderful day on earth. Who's winning here? 🤗

[@druchampion-payne1489]

They feel threatened by your healing

[@MP-fk9em]

My sister and I were raised on a small ranch in the middle of the woods. My dad was a firefighter and was as gone a lot of the time. My mother is a full-blown narcissist. I was always the black sheep and my sister was the Golden child. A few years ago my sister and I stopped talking for a year-and-a-half. It was a time in my life when I grew more than ever as I only was dealing with one narcissist instead of two. She came back into my life because our mother is suffering from dementia and my sister wants her piece of the pie. They are so alike.... it's creepy!! My mother flat out told me that she thinks I am a piece of shit. I have had lots of success in my life and have a deep happiness within me because of all of the healing that I have done. My mother is filled with so much hate because of the light that I have from inside. I see her as a very vicious, vindictive hateful old woman who will go out of this world exactly the way that she lives her life. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be full of such hatred for people. I can assure you that both my narcissistic mother and sister can not stand that I am no longer nor will I ever be again their whipping post.

[@carleey9513]

This gentleman is such a gem. For over 20 years I have been dealing with a daughter in law whom, I now have realized is a narcissist? For years I tried to please her, hoping she would like me. I cannot tell how my life was filled with fear at losing my son. The information here is a life saver. It has taken me years but I feel I am on the right track. I no longer go to their house with stomach cramps. I do feel my son has changed. I see the manipulations. It has been a long road but I need to let go. In a way, I feel I need to thank her (inwardly). She has been instrumental in my gaining inner strength, in accepting myself. Her girlfriends ignore me, are really so unfriendly towards me. I wonder why? But that also has helped me gain strength. I need to be ok with me and they can talk or think whatever they wish. I try to love her but I am starting with full acceptance that this will never change. She must feel so desperate inside. Love to everyone❤️

[@lancelotdufrane]

I spoke to the X Narc considering my daughters wedding. “Can we behave as old friends, for our daughter.” Response was… yeah! Too bad you couldn’t see this earlier! You’ve been so disagreeable!”.. here we go. I survived by avoiding. Wedding was beautiful.

[@100th_monkey]

When the now ex/friend realised all the work I'd done on healing worked and I was doing great these days, he started describing in detail all the ways I was wrong headed and really quite fragile (nope), every time we spoke. When I called him on it, he actually said (out loud!) "all I ever wanted was for you to need me and you took that away from me." He's no longer in my life. If you're willing to try to undermine me just so I'll collapse into needing you, there's the door, don't come back.

[@c.mareeharris4615]

'YES!...working on this [being a person of peace] for the rest of my life' - Thank You! Dr. C

[@EC-yd9yv]

Congrats... I too am on that journey, best to you. 🌺🕊️

[@sula1529]

Yes that's really nice and I want that too 😊

[@nicholecornes1915]

Our guts have been screaming the whole dam time

[@mattlehnardt783]

holy cow! Dr. Carter so nails it with how this insanity works and what it feels like, when nobody in normal world would even begin to get what this is about.

[@crina193]

Yes, my healing is about myself.

[@thebigh9635]

Narcissists will ALWAYS see you and your life as a bit of a joke , so your healing will just be ridiculed too ! Every time a narcissist laughs WITH you , they are really laughing AT YOU !! It's always about making themselves feel better ,..better than EVERYONE else ! More great content once again , and always appreciated ! Big appreciation from all your enlightened UK followers from across the Pond ! 🙏👍❤️

[@karendovey3538]

I'd like to thank YOU, Dr. C, for helping us with our healing journeys 🙏. I've been watching your videos for a few years now and, for the first time in my life, at nearly 53, I'm actually becoming assertive & not silently tolerating bad behaviour. I'm so thankful for you & all you do ☺️❤️

[@aloniutube]

I pondered this issue and like to share with others: what if the narcissist was given an ecstasy pill to raise his empathy levels. So quickly I found out there was a controlled test in Germany on this and the conclusions were- they didn’t show any improvement on top what they already have, which is a 2 year old empathy level. Actually the emotions that were enhanced are those of a 2 year old- jealousy and other negative stuff. My personal conclusion is that narcissism is a disability of the brain and you simply cannot give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they will change. Can feel sorry for them but be smart and do not show them that because they will use it against you. I believe They are jealous of people with empathy so they find ways to use that empathy against them and that makes them feel they are superior and in control even though they are inferior and insecure.

[@marian9410]

very interesting that research thank you for sharing. that sounds about right for my mother, father, sister and brother. Not an inch of movement in their development for decades. And stupid me was caught in the middle. I had years of therapy because I didn't know what was going on with me and that I was being abused by all of them. Gone no contact now with them. A relief. Its honestly like having had yourself controlled by 4 toddlers and trying to reason with them. sickening.

[@aloniutube]

@@marian9410 I totally understand you and where you’re coming from. They simply are wicked children in adult bodies

[@patrickwalsh2361]

My goal is to find the inner peace that Gus has! Your videos are helping me to slowly close in. Thanks much!

[@suzannahardman207]

😅

[@suzannahardman207]

I think you´re on to something there!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Be zen like Gus!

[@EstherH85]

I’ve upgraded my Core Content from “broken and needs fixing” to “work in progress” 🙌 thank you Dr C!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's progress!

[@marian9410]

I recognise that. I also passed via a 'they are broken and need fixing. Definitely.' phase. helped me to feel better about myself! 😂

[@ktrayn78]

My narcissists response? I "have illusions of grandeur" and I am "being all high and mighty." He really resents my healing. Now we live in separate homes and that has made my life so happy, so peaceful, so positive! He tells people I walked out on him, which isn't true. I'm still here, just a couple blocks away, but now I just have a buffer against the abuse!

[@mariaawake4502]

The narcissist "blames" my healing on the therapist. 🤫🤔😊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Let's give you some credit!!

[@mariaawake4502]

@@SurvivingNarcissism , yes, I feel I can do that.

[@sturobertson6791]

Hi Maria awake keep healing! Keep growing! 👍🙏

[@SendItForward]

@Maria for some reason I find that funny 🤔. Mine told me a lady at church was "Giving you ideas!" so he didn't like her. I found THAT funny too. Maybe because he noticed a difference and he had me trained to give only certain "approved" responses 😂. Maybe I can laugh because I'm looking back now and can see his pattern and "obstacle course" that I'm not participating in anymore but can see him in it and turn about is kind of funny. But I do wish you well and thank you for sharing, God bless.

[@mariaawake4502]

@@SendItForward , yes, it is funny , but shows how little confidence the narcissists have in us.

[@bobsanderz3005]

Your gonna get accused of “psychoanalysis them” “using terms against them” and all manner of gaslighting in order to frame themselves as the victim to the threat of you growing stronger.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Their accusations become meaningless once you understand how clueless they are.

[@jenn_jean_kent_artist]

Yes. I’m seeking healing and not everyone like it, for sure.

[@lisabaginski9155]

My malignant narcissist sister would get angry when people called her out for stealing, calling them, “judgemental” and “holier than thou”.

[@nicolemctavish9089]

You are a treasure, Dr. Carter. Thank you so much for your insight and compassion.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome

[@caroleminke6116]

He told me that nobody ever loved me as much as he did & I replied that it never felt like ❤ just hurt 🤦‍♀️ he’s truly clueless about love…

[@Cat-oj4oz]

One phrase you said really (finally) helped me... you will be on this healing path "for the rest of your life"... I've been impatient with myself on this path and your phrase gave me permission to keep on going forward no matter how slow and daunting the journey. This helps when I slip into the mindset to "get over it already". I moved away 20 years ago (and haven't seen her since) and this July marks a year since I've spoken to her. I'm still writing "gray rock" letters since my brothers live with her, but even that is slowing to a crawl. I'm tired, Dr. C., but your words gave me the push I needed. Thank you...

[@LarryA-w4j]

I am 74 years old starting all over again divorce last year didn't give myself time to heal got into another toxic relationship with a narcissist now I have to move on I am learning how to love myself with Jesus Christ in my life I am healing from physical and mental abuse never think you are to old or to young to move I don't want anyone to go through the hell I allowed my self to go through sign Cynthia Smith Jesus Christ is the only one that heal the person going through abuse and he is the only one that can help the abuser sign Cynthia Smith

[@marian9410]

I can't even bring myself to grey rock anymore. I am done with them all after the passing of my narc father. Both narc siblings and narc mother are just...well vile narcs. The mother: " what did you do wrong to get cancer?", the sister groomed me in a covert machiavellian way pretending she cared and was on my side against the other narcs (she was not as I only recently found out) and the brother is a malignant, grinning, self-absorbed grifter lawyer who hasn't had to work because his parents have paid him everything to the tune of hundreds of thousands (cars, rent, mobile phones for himself and his family. Lives for free in my parents house for the past 15 years as they had to rent their accommodation and care home).Sickening. Still everyone thinks it's me the problem?!? I had therapy for decades. 59 now and a few months now no contact. Long shall it last!

[@lillianbarker4292]

I’ve spent my entire life dealing with and healing from a narcissistic mother. She lived to be 99! All I can say is be proud of yourself and live fully and joyfully.

[@kellymackie4836]

I know there are many who cannot leave, but I knew the only way to heal and find myself again was get away from him and all the flying monkeys. My life went from night to day immediately. I watch as many of these as I can so I never forget and continue to be my most healthy self. No contact is so needed and I feel so sorry for those who cannot do that 😢

[@vickiwells7290]

Well they get one thing right ... I am rejecting their way of processing life. So be it....Thank you once again Dr. Carter.🤗

[@mararamitchpeace]

When I healed in that relationship before I left. I changed completely. I no longer reacted to his triggering words and actions. He was completely convinced that I was acting until he met my real estate and escrow agents 😉

[@madibuschman8507]

"addition via subtraction". love that. thank you!

[@norfolkenchants8090]

A narcissist will never apologise or say sorry. In their eyes it’s always others who are in the wrong. A narcissist will never ever change so it’s you and your approach that has to change. When speaking to a narcissist, before responding to one of their verbal attacks just pause a moment and consider your reply. Instead of taking their bait to have an argument, say something positive and cheerful instead. It blows their mind. It’s like a robot that can’t compute. For example your reply could be “Oh well that’s life” or “It’s a shame you feel like that but I like to look on the bright side” or “each to their own”. When you don’t take their bait, when you don’t give a reply they want the narcissist is thrown off track. They realise you’re no longer playing their game. When they tell you how wonderful someone else is (compared to you) say to them that you agree and aren’t you/we lucky to have them in our lives. Ultimately what you’re doing is demonstrating that you no longer need their approval. Don’t let the narcissist spoil your lovely self 😍

[@SuzannaLiessa]

Today is exactly 8 months since i caught on. Fortunately, i was able to leave two weeks later. Those two weeks, and the absolutely surreal week that led to me catching on were torture, & im disabled because of the mental damage. BUT. I do a lot of very deliberate work on emotional growth. Looking back, this video sounds very familiar. Im really proud of myself, because i eventually outgrew his ability to control me. I have a lot of healing to do, and this is one of the hardest things ive ever done. But i realized almost immediately how squeezed i had been and how many possibilities i have now. I want to heal enough to go back to work, but im also welcoming this as a time to rest and reevaluate.

[@marian9410]

you keep going, it does get better. I had a few bad narc relationships, it's tough but through your message I get the impression you are tapping into your strength, even if it still feels like you are having to work hard. I am currently going no contact with the narc mother, brother and sister after the passing of the narc father. I was so stupid to fall for my family of origin for so long. No wonder my choice in men was so bad when I was younger. I am 59 now and my husband of 20 years is the best thing ever happened to me. It has helped my healing to look for people who are kind and compassionate and gentle

[@SuzannaLiessa]

@marian9410 Thank you so much. This is hard, but it’s not the only hard thing I've done in my life. Just the hardest. I can survive hard, and I know how to use it to help me grow. Besides, things were hard before I caught on. I just didn't know how deeply unhappy I was. At least now "hard" is taking me somewhere, "hard" isn't going to last forever, and no matter hard this is, that deep unhappiness has changed into pain, which is a very different thing. I was open about why I was leaving a marriage of 33 years. My friends have swarmed me with love, validation, and kindness. I will never forget the way I felt when a friend reacted with unconscious kindness to a situation I was accustomed to being shamed for. I felt so very loved, even though all she’d done was run an errand without me because I was tired. My friends don't expect me to be unbreakable. I might never regain full function - I continue to see returning to work as the most likely possibility, but that's not a guarantee. I _will_ heal. I will take disabled but healed over fully-abled but unconsciously badly wounded. I have a gift for you. You weren’t "stupid" because you failed to catch on to your family. What we grow up with is "normal" to us until something happens to open our eyes. You were plenty smart enough to act when you realized what was happening to you.

[@Bellatrixie]

My dad: “You’re abandoning me”. No, I am finally freeing myself. Thank you Dr.C!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

The two of you have very different interpretations. Listen to yourself!

[@stretch34318]

"no one can take initiative for me except me" wow, step mom used to always offer up my services to their friends and family without my knowledge or consent and when she'd ask me to do it, she would ask me to do it for her. As if I would only be willing do a favor for her friend on her behalf. So controlling and entitled, so boundary violating and abusive. I went along with it for a long time as a kid but as I got older it would enfuriate me. I'm willing to help anyone in need, I don't have to do it on her behalf. Such rubbbish. Egomaniac, she wanted to take credit for it all.

[@deemaysie6568]

My mother-in-law (joyfully now deceased) used to do this to my husband ALL THE TIME. She would offer out his services to fix her neighbour's geyser, pick up strangers from train stations in dangerous and dodgy areas etc. etc., so she could bask in the gratitude of what a wonderful person she was!!

[@sannajohanna5579]

”They want you to collaps in your healing process…” Indeed! That is what they are waiting for! It is such a disgusting game!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Don't let that happen!!