How Narcissists Psychologically Destabilise People

[@DarrenFMagee]

Transcript available at: darrenfmagee.substack.com/p/how-and-why-narcissistic-people-psychologically

[@clairemcmahon9392]

It is the loneliest form Of Abuse to recover from because unless you’ve experienced it for yourself no one understands or believes you.

[@Groundwater24]

Yup, been there. Do not worry, Claire. The landscape is changing and these evil creatures are starting to stand out like a sore thumb or the undeveloped children that they are.

[@foxiefair123]

All people care about is how that person is treating THEM. They could care less about how they’re treating you or treated you, if they even believe you. I’ve had that experience more times than I care to remember.

[@lyricmelody8162]

well yes they want you to believe that no one will ever understand you but that's bullshit

[@visitorcat9153]

If it had never happened to you; there is no basis of reference to relate to the damage an evil person can do to a trusting soul.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Being exposed to narcistic abuse turns people into emotional and psychological wrecks. No contact is vital for regaining your health. It’s possible to heal from those horrible wounds the narcissists have inflicted. We need to be patient with ourselves and others. Thank you Darren. God bless you ❤

[@kristinmeyer489]

This is sadly and tragically impossible for those targeted with technology. We are condemned and doomed. We can't even pee in privacy.

[@gerrycastlemanwarde5933]

The charming covert narcissist is the most dangerous because they are difficult to identify!

[@amarbyrd2520]

Sometimes for years. Especially when one or both are your parents.

[@AnonAnon1]

I agree it can take years to identify them but they have patterns, which overtime, you can spot

[@mats6504]

I understood something was not right after a couple of years but I had no name for it. It took another 10 years of scratching my head, of enduring belittling, condescending comments, gaslighting etc until I learned about covert narcissism. Everything fell into place. Less than a year later, divorce was finalised. I'm out now, thank God.

[@jacobbaker4545]

I recognize a covert after a month...no one realizes they are a covert narc yet and if they do, they don't care.

[@sararichardson737]

@@mats6504all that time. It’s why I’ll never risk another relationship. Mine was 22 yrs. he died.

[@kingbee9778]

They are fully capable of bullying their target till they are no longer alive and feel good about it, knowing they got away with it. I don't call that a "mental health struggle". I call it a vicious predator.

[@visitorcat9153]

The narc also knows if you get away from them, and go no contact, you will be able to think more clearly, and recognize their deceitful ways. As long as you maintain contact with them you stay in a fog-like state of mind.

[@amberinthemist7912]

​@@visitorcat9153contact with a narc is like getting slowly poisoned

[@randy_cbc8811]

@@visitorcat9153 yes, a fog-like state of mind, and constant trauma that keeps you on edge and weakens your nervous system and ability to cope, reason, and adapt. Narcs are so evil and toxic, they can negatively affect both your emotional and physical health.

[@IsabelleSmith-e2y]

I can't stand how when you are in conversation and everything I say is met with silence. They don't even have any reaction. 😢

[@sugardeep2636]

The ultimate way to detect a narcisist is to openly express your judgement of their narrowmind when they try to push their insulting offence on to you, they will get offended and refuse your opinion on them

[@--Sama-]

One thing I notice a lot about this type of person is that whenever you share something bad that has happened to you, they immediately respond with "Well, that's nothing compared to what happened to me in X situation." As if they're trying to one-up you and outdo you in terms of victimhood as if saying that other people problems beside them are not important and only theirs problems are important. In 99% of times I explain a problem or I just say "I'm tired today of working so many hours." or "My back hurts." they won't let it go. They have to say that their situation is worse than mine. Narcissist can't stand that other people have problems, they live in victimhood Olympics. Because if they are victims they must have privileges and be treated better than others.

[@anonymousprivate6814]

Yes, can relate to your comment. These types of people are very invalidating and competative.

[@neff9184]

Yea I feel this so much. Can remember getting in the car with my mother everyday after school, her interrogating me about how my day was, and if I dared complain about one thing, and her winding up to her “oh you think YOU’RE tired? You don’t know tired. I woke up at 7 this morning to take you….” Etc. And of course now I overwork myself because I hear that rant in my head anytime I think that I’m tired.

[@joseenoel8093]

Gaslighting, waste of time talking to them or they'll bright side of it, you're seeking help to comprehend and they're belittling what you're going through!

[@alfgwahigain5544]

It took me years to realize that my ex is a narcissist. Maybe she'd be considered covert, I don't know, but if you met her you'd think she was the nicest person in the world. But so many of the things mentioned in this video resonate with me, unfortunately. Creating chaos, undermining me (alone and in front of others), overt flirting with others then calling me insecure and jealous, outright lies and gaslighting - oh, and the main theme running through everything: victimhood. Always the victim, always. It's insideous. Our kids (older teens) are currently not speaking to her

[@MT-bc1we]

Opposites attract? I'd swear that the narcissist knows from day one they are not like you or me. They lie about who they are by pretending to be more like us. That is how trust is established, and without that trust the narcissist would never be able to abuse you/me. They want you and claim to love you, but how could someone who loves you do any of the things mentioned in this video. My ex-narcissist ran a smear campaign about me from day one, but when confronted they would claim it to be an honest or innocent mistake. The subtle little putdowns under the pretense of a joke, telling people about my setbacks and failures, lying about me to alter my reputation, discussing personal details about my life...all of this was just "social-capital" to the narcissist, and yes it was destabilizing for sure. How does the song go; "I wish that I know what I know now when I was stronger". Blessing to all my fellow victims of love and trust. There is life after insanity ☮

[@gj5990]

The narc in my life constantly said I wanted control, that I controlled everything….I’m like, you are talking about yourself!

[@nancyparker8363]

Highly disagreeable, their way or the highway, it’s their world and I just live in it🎉🎉 So thankful I stay away from that now!!

[@brendanduffy2710]

Such evil people I'm delighted more information is coming through about these devil's.

[@ormus64]

I would love to have more content on covert narcissists… there are so many people targeted by covert abuse, yet 80% of the narcissist content is about the general term or the overt.

[@DarrenFMagee]

I’ve made various videos on the different aspects of covert narcissism if you’d find those helpful?

[@ormus64]

@@DarrenFMagee they are helpful indeed. Very helpful actually. You are among the most pragmatic and helpful people on that topic. I would love to have more ressources on how to identify covert narcissists though. Especially how it can be, that one can love and live with a covert for years, until they suddenly make a rapid change. I doubt that it is just "falling out of love". The sheer amount of moral-less behavior by my (suspected) covert narc fiance is to similar the definition of a covert narc. It's grotesk to see the parallels that Dr's and coaches describe. From the big signs like inability to say sorry or the constant passive aggressiveness, to the more nuanced attributes like the inabilty to remember names or the "masks" they wear when visiting friends or family. I think a video on how to identify a covert narc, and make sense of past covert narc abuse wouldnt hurt. anyway. thank you for the great, amazing content you provide us for free. I dont know how I wouldve navigated the betrayal I have had to endure by my ex fiance, if it wasnt for people like you providing some order to chaos.

[@joywebster2678]

Many videos on covert narcs. Often they play the victim role, and punish others for not caring for their every need, then given the opportunity, they will degrade their child asking for an opinion on an outfit, or praise for a project. They are skilled in waiting for the moment to strike to undo their partner. In between, they are helpful, or feigning illness. So it's narcissism with a different face. Just as so many " varieties" of narcs have the same core, but have a slightly different face. Sometimes, people wanting to call a partner a narc, the partner is actually a personality disorder like BPD, or an attachment disorder.

[@lyricmelody8162]

overt narcissist: why aren't paying attention! god, you're useless! covert narcissist: silent sulking, pouting, sulking, pouting...silence, more silence.....more pouting...

[@aceanyconcept337]

Great insights. Thanks for explaining this in detail with such calmness and clarity. Learned a great deal about their behaviors.

[@janettemartin4604]

“Highly Disagreeable “, my Mother just YELLED at my FACE whenever I brought up ANY ISSUES! It was so bad I would start THUMBING down the road as a teenager! She was a MONSTER!

[@danae-rain3019]

My mother was the same. I'm 62 and there are days the pain is as intense as when I was 14. These people take everything from you. Self esteem, relationships, your mental health. It's a life long sentence. They ruin lives.

[@northofyou33]

@@danae-rain3019 Yes. My narc mother ruined mine. I married a narcissist because narcissism was so familiar and comfortable to me. And I attracted narcissists as friends. I have spent the last 20 years trying to heal from all of those people, but it's been very, very rough. I will die not having had a healthy love relationship, and that makes me so sad.

[@AnonAnon1]

I have a family member that had been stealing money, personal items, and other property for decades, as well as other things. The sibling even stone money and jewellery at the funerals of both parents 2 years apart. The logics behind it - ‘no one knows who the thief is, so you can’t blame me’ trying to cast doubt, confusion, and as you say, Darren, to destabilise the family whilst taking pleasure in the misery of others. When the sibling was confronted about it, of course, the expect denials, theatrics, crocodile tears and ferocious pseudo anger. The only thing left to do- get rid of the narcissistic sibling. No contact for over 2 years now. The frustration, anger and hurt hasn’t diminished, though, I doubt it ever will.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Well, it won't unless you forgive them. I don't believe there's any other way to actually gain peace

[@NovardNoodle]

Oh look here I am again watching these videos wondering how I got into this mess again... I keep falling for it...

[@joywebster2678]

Work on boundaries, narcs meet a boundary they leave you alone.

[@dianearena2516]

You're not the only one...

[@justlivinglife465]

Love your videos, you really know exactly what you’re talking about and your explanations and examples are very realistic, instead of waffly or contrived. And factual without totally demonising the narcissist- you actually explain the inner motivations they have as well, instead of implying that they just love to be horrible all the time

[@christianrokicki]

Whatever one says… they ALWAYS respond as if it were entirely mistaken or at least a little off: your view needs to be either corrected or “fine-tuned” by their boundless intelligence. Nothing is ever left alone. Their fingerprints must be on everything.

[@sherrytaylor3738]

Thank you Dr. McGee for covering this topic. I got so much out of it. I was able to make sense of many confusing and destabilizing relationships over the years.

[@DarrenFMagee]

You’re welcome I’m glad you found it helpful, and it’s just Darren 😊

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

​@@DarrenFMagee Oh, HERE's where you say 'it's just Darren.' What if we call you Darlin' Darren?...😍🙃😉😁 (sorry, I couldn't help myself). I have a cabin near Dalen, Norway-- which I always call 'Darlin' Dalen' because there's such gorgeous landscapes there. God does really exquisite work, and a lot of it is in Norway! I just love you're Irish accent and some of your pronunciations. My late husband was from Denmark, and I loved his accent and pronunciations as well. I wish I had been born in Europe so I could have experienced a lot more languages and culture. The countries are so close together there.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

​@@DarrenFMagee This video topic is the main basic one I connect with, based on my recent short marriage to a covert narcissist. This one makes me feel so much better because I can understand from the way you unpacked this that EVERYthing he said and did was ALL made up, ALL lies, and evil twisting of my words, too. Your excellent explanations and examples calmed and re-stabilized me in a very profound way! I literally feel that I received a measure of core healing, as if you were picking up my broken pieces and re-assembling them while you were speaking. Your words are powerful, Darren. I've previously received healing from prayers, and the touch of a hand, and I've experienced great relief wash over me from healing words I've read. I've received many healings from God over the years in response to my prayers. You've said things in some other videos that struck me in a similarly healing way. Your videos have proven to be very valuable! I really wasn't expecting this, and I'm overwhelmed in a really good way! I feel like my heart is smiling! My face certainly is! Thank you! And I Praise God!

[@skip1978]

Why? Why they do this? Why these people bite the hand that feeds them? It is so frustrating and energy consuming.

[@jazzsoul1695]

My son's dad, my older sister, and my landlord. It's not your fault, they're just all over the place. It's our society teaching selfishness.

[@sandrathomas2893]

Prayers for my son, isolated to covert sociopathic narcissistic dad, and alienated from me for 13 yrs. It's what they do! Plato's Cave with torture added! Lord, please help us all !!🙏 ⚔️ 🙌

[@IsabelleSmith-e2y]

I'm so sorry your going through this 😢

[@robynmarler1951]

What a horrific situation, God protect you and your son🕊

[@JosephineArmstrong-l1u]

Hang in there ❤ praying for you 🙏

[@Stormy-k3y]

Praying for you both.

[@purplesprigs]

You didn't mention what narcissistic wives do to mess up honorable husbands - CHEAT...openly. You have not lived until your 5 year old tells you how madly in love Mommy is with her new boyfriend. Then your 10 year old daughter chimes in: "Yeah, everybody knows." It reminds you of the time, years before, when one of her (decent human being) co-workers takes you aside and says, "She has 'lunch' with him at his apartment every day." Ah, good times.

[@moosepatil5946]

That's what your wife did. People are different and their BS varies from one to the next. I'd avoid generalizing your experience so you don't multiply your pain.

[@blackduck9867]

Psychological Destabilization feels as typical push-pull cycle, also known of cycle of narc abuse - hoovering(love bombing)->idealization-> devaluation-> discard. Pull in, Push out. Strategic ambiguity. One moment pull other moment push. Ambiguity, duplicity. Essence of abusive relationships. Pull - hoovering, Push - devaluation, discard. And the guilt trip that it is your fault that they push away. Send message try harder, Fight for relationships dangling in front carrot of hope that there are happens intermittently some bread crumbs of love bombing.

[@vootamu1]

Coming across this timely video is a serendipitous moment for me🍀

[@robbehr8806]

Excellent analysis and useful information! At 5:24 he talks about stabilizing groups. This is a huge issue with organizations.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for your kind support I really appreciate it 👍

[@lucyLou-dt7do]

Trying to deny indiscretions even though they know they are guilty..::I have been set up against people I don’t know. The power they have to brain wash empathic people is quite frightening.

[@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753]

Thanks!

[@DarrenFMagee]

@@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 you’re welcome and thank you for your support, you’re very kind

[@symbolsandsystems]

to the narcissist others are territory to the psychopath others are food to the sadist others are toys

[@mtc-j9i]

lol I never understood the logic behind rejecting every idea and then having none of their own. I used to point this out and tell his highness how nice it must be to not have to offer anything of value but to simply swat down the ideas of others. Such an ugly hobby of theirs. This is the one tactic I stopped playing into before I left. But I really didn’t realize I was working with a narcissist until the divorce when the mask fell. His sneakiness and two-facedness had me so confused and second guessing myself all the time. I just knew I was losing my mind and health and couldn’t take it anymore. Take what? I didn’t know lol. He definitely wormed his way into my family and alienated me from them. I had to leave them behind when I divorced him. Insidiously manipulative. He did it all behind my back for years before I left him, and I had no idea.

[@belladonna3249]

Great video and not too long. Thanks

[@remaxintegrityrealty]

Can you speak on what causes people to become narcissistic? I would love to know that side and perhaps gain another perspective. Thank you for your videos! Love them!

[@robynmarler1951]

it isn't fully understood. Some of them are born like it.

[@anothercat9600]

Very important video thank you!

[@JosephineArmstrong-l1u]

The narcissists have so many tricks to make you feel bad. They love to act like you said something else so they can react in a shocked or annoyed manner. They love to put words in your mouth and say something like 'we know you struggle to remember sometimes' 😢 I used to work with 4 people on the narcissist spectrum. It was hell. Working with them for 2 years taught me so much about how they operate 😮 how I lasted that long is a total flex 😂

[@mores5780]

Great video, only one I've seen addressing this fine point. A huge part of my experience, finally a way to understand this constant diminishing security/safety I felt. Thank you.

[@isobelangeli2053]

Mine showed up to my graduation uninvited with “ a witness “ I did not bother attending bc of him

[@michaelgarrow3239]

They damage the unconscious mind.

[@michellebeatty7619]

I have been a victim of this

[@reneec2583]

I really love your videos and learn a lot from them. That's why I'm giving you a heads up that the Thumbs Up icon is missing. All there is for people to automatically click onto is the Thumbs Down. Yikes! Please recover the Thumbs Up so we can give favorable reviews!

[@reneec2583]

AHA! I rebooted my machine. The Thumbs Up has now come back!

[@joseenoel8093]

They're pros, craziness from them is the worst king, they spew at you how they see or want/demand things, yuck!

[@Bwahzehdezooner]

I see you've met my soon-to-be-ex-wife.

[@bigbear8645]

Let’s hope she meets my ex husband.

[@H-youtube7]

​@@bigbear8645😂

[@alfgwahigain5544]

Must we we're divorcing the same person.

[@theodorawohler2213]

My ex just remarried, I am waiting for the honeymoon to be over. The first time he abuses her, I have a large frying pan ready.

[@margarethollis5620]

She should meet my ex husband. Sounds like they might deserve each other!

[@damo9961]

Is post natal depression and narcissism linked?

[@Time2Smile74]

Will anything break through a narcissist’s goal of destabilizing their victim psychologically? I had to let my narcissistic soon to be ex wife know of the death of a family member. Someone she had known and liked for over 30 years. Her response was to just walk away without a word. I can only assume her intention when behaving like this was somehow to try to hurt me. Is this just typical and to be expected or is it an extreme example of narcissistic behavior?

[@diane5593]

My husband narcissist doesn't do lots of these things. Doesn't ruin things for me, just expects me to be quiet. So no this video I don't relate to. Do better Darren to target and explain oter types.

[@tmking7483]

I'm everyone's punchy 🛍️ It's hilarious Barf barf barf barf barf barf Have a great weekend Barf barf barf Befy barf

[@470ParkAvenue]

You have a very harsh view of narcissists -- don't you feel any empathy for them? Is it possible that non-narcissists are the real losers? It's a mean world out there.

[@caroleminke6116]

Fear Rage Envy Revenge Denial ❤️‍🩹 rinse & repeat this strategy forever