Yet there is so much shaming in our US culture around asking for help or at least extremes (people who feel entitled and chronically over dependent while some even claim not to have help yet ignore their family’s contributions with enabling from the family and culture to do so as if it doesn’t count vs. those who feel guilty for asking for anything, feel they must do everything and do it on their own) ; careful not to be a toxic isolationist non giver and blaming people who are in need for asking for help.

Narcissist don’t ask for different reasons than non narcissists; narcissists feel ENTITLED which i didn’t hear in this video though didn’t watch the whole thing. The end of the video has some good points about other reasons people may “Dry beg”.

Thank you so much for teaching us this without flashing lights, screaming bells and whistles. Just calm, straightforward talking. I have subscribed. Thank you xx

Amen brother

I was taught that directly asking is begging, confronting for the person being asked. It is like putting the hard word on a person, making them feel bad, if they say no. If a person knows you need help and they want to help, they will offer, or help without being asked. Asking is direct begging, so which is worse? I don't see that stating something once, is begging at all. If a person tells me their situation, I would ask for more detail, and discuss solutions. This is helping the person, helping them to help themselves. If I do something, or give something, that is based on my own judgement. If someone directly asks me for something they shouldn't, or for something I feel is inappropriate, it will cause me to not trust them. They are direct begging, which is what scammers / criminal minded people do. If I know a person, then I will already know what they are going through, and whether or not they are in genuine need. If they are in genuine need, and I can help, I will. If they directly ask for things they shouldn't, then I will see that they do not respect me, and they are not my friend. For a stranger it will depend on the circumstances, as to whether they are in obvious need or not, I will either see that they may need assistance, and ask, or if they are asking, such as calling out, or waving, I will be able to see they are genuine.

Reside with my 90 yo narc mom. Always wondered why she would say she has “nobody “, how did she get stuck with the family she has…etc. plays victim and martyr. Don’t know how long I’m going to be able to put up with this. I’m 65 and won’t retire until she’s gone. But she’ll probably live to be 100.

Sounds like you need boundaries and not to blame others for what you do willingly.

My favorites are; that’s messed up, I’m sorry to hear that and that’s unfortunate.

All of this is 100 percent correct. My MIL ruined our engagement. For over 20 years i've been dealing with all of the scenarios. Im tired. I think God decided we can't have children because of her abuse. And my partner NEVER takes my side on anything.

👏👏👏Thank you!!! 🫶

I DID NOT read that correctly

As twisted as a a narcissist can be in their treatment of other people and especially to their main supply, this video about subtleties really boils it down. They use inconsistency in every interaction to keep you on the low ground. Even as you take their hook, they are baiting the next. And they have thought this through, every scenario, because they are trying to improve their game to get more for less. I am struck by this thought now; in many ways Humanity at its worst is narcissism.

I should send this to my ex wife

Knowledge is power! 😊😇😊

Im glad that psychs are splitting hi socio economic vs low socioeconomic psychopaths and not doing the media trope of the type 2 seriel killing maniac. Bit of diversity goes a long way. Generally type 1 psychos dont steal ideas - generally because there is no value in immitating other people. Thats a narcissist behaviour to duplicate and steal concepts - type 1 psychos are generally far more calculated long term and patient, think gas station robbery vs bank vault robbery, and the narc says it was their idea but they were busy hobnobbing and complaining at parties about how everyone uses them and they are always such victims. Savage vs Ruthless vs Envious.

How to handle dry begging in one simple step: Step one: Ignore You’re Welcome ☺️

My narcissist ex got me an eye massager. Like, what the f***k? Then he asked me once “did you ever use the eye massager?”Like no. I never wanted something like that to begin with. Meanwhile, my foolish behind got him a Ugg robe and slippers to match because I know how much he loves loungewear and his old robe had holes and his slippers also needed to be replaced. I didn’t just assume his old robe was old, I listened to him talking and knew it would make him so happy. He even bragged to everyone about how nice his new robe was. Meanwhile, I know for a fact that eye massager was less than $15 and was from the same discount store he buys his soap. So he literally got my CHRISTMAS gift when he was just buying himself soaps and lotions. He also brought me conditioner samples. And I’m sure that was just something he got for free from somewhere. My gifts were an afterthought, just like I was to him. And the whole time I tried to be grateful but now that I broke up with him and have had a few months to process I’m realizing how much he sucked as a human. He’s a covert so it took me a while to notice since he was SOOOO nice to everyone else. So nice to everyone in fact that he even brought one of his friends to my birthday dinner after showing up over an hour late, without a heads up that his friend was coming until he pulled up at my house, because “he had a bad day, you don’t mind do you?” So I sat at the bar, dressed up nice and pretty because his friend didn’t want a table. His friend also didn’t couldn’t even afford his meal. I am still trying to get over being upset with myself because I feel so stupid.

Had a neighbor ask to borrow $$, then tell me her daughter would not lend her $50., only sent $15. (+ fee). She complained about it and said: "I just GIVE people i like money; they don't have to pay it back; bc that's the kind of person i am." But i instantly thought: "WoW, she's trying to make me feel guilty about expecting her to pay me back!!" (and that was the end of that potential friendship.) Indirect-begging gets old fast!

Wasband took offense, wounded and damaged, at anyone's successes. Including mine. It made no sense to me. Coming to realize that while I was blamed and raged upon, I did not cause his behavior.

My favorite response is “That’s unfortunate.”

You counter dry begging by practicing dry giving.....ignoring them.

Wow you are talking about Zionists!

I don’t know man. I don’t think people being anxious about being turned down is indicative that they’re mastermind manipulators- I’m the person usually on the “receiving end” of this, and honestly, I think it’s on me to be assertive when I can’t do something for someone. Otherwise, I don’t really mind if someone is desperate and they ask for help indirectly. It does not bother me. In the cases of people repeatedly expecting favours like I’m reading in the comments, I totally empathize with that but it is something you should at least try to bring up, if you haven’t. I’ve been a “people pleaser” and a “doormat” my whole life, and I’m not without flaw because of that. Sometimes I need to tell people what I Don’t want in the same way they need to tell me what they Do want, instead of projecting onto them all the time. Everyone does subtle emotional manipulation in their speech sometimes. That doesn’t make you evil. What matters is being receptive to change it.

Cults like watchtower use this a lot

My husband hates to shop for clothes and always relied on me to buy clothes for him. Also wanted me to pick out what he should wear. He got so he kept saying he didn’t have anything to wear…it was all out of date…yada yada. So I would order new clothes to be delivered. Then he complained I spent money, he didn’t need new clothes, he had plenty of clothes, and he never asked me to buy new clothes! I just realized what he REALLY wanted was for ME to go upstairs and tell him what to wear. Then he could blame it on me if he looked bad/out of date. Always felt like I had married a 5 yr old instead of an adult!

Her: “Oh I just CAN’T be BOTHERED putting up ALL the Xmas decorations ALL BY MYSELF when it’s just ME here. It was DIFFERENT when their were kids here, but it’s just such a CHORE when no one will be HERE at Xmas” (I was hosting Xmas day at my house) Me: ‘Well everyone has off years and it’s a personal decision, if it doesn’t bring you joy, you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.’

some of us "dry- beg" because we want to remain on good terms with people who might not want to lend that money if asked directly, and to avoid causing the awkwardness that declined request usually brings. It states the need or desire without cornering people. stop reading "narc" into every thing you dont like about someone. this term is really being milked to death now.

I've tried for years, I'm the eternal optimist...It's totally pointless and futile to even think he will change. He just thinks I will continue forgiving him. I won't. I've had enough now. They're so sick, it's heartbreaking x

I’m a pathological liar

I was the oldest and only daughter. Went through lots neglect,foster care etc . What was funny was that other females always would say your mom is so kool,wish my mom was like yours.they had no idea 😮😢

This is the kind of shit I hate. My ex tried this on me all they time, and it got tiring.

tbh i think you're reading too much into things

Im listening to this and thinking about all the characters from The Sopranos and Breaking Bad/Better call Saul 😂

Such a great video. I really appreciate the point at the end of the video. Reminds me of how someone who I don't think at all is a narcissist, complains about their illnesses to get their friends to show how much they care. They are passive and incurious about getting better or avoiding illnesses. They just want their friends to fawn over them. I've learned to say "That's terrible! Let me know when the doctor gives you a diagnosis."

Question, how does that play out with people who have become overly independent due to constantly having needs ignored. They sometimes have difficulty point blank asking. Asking for clarification.

This term makes so much sense to me. It defined the latter part of my relationship with my parents. My parents weren't narcissists, but directly asking for help was just too much of an in indignity.

Do you think i can dry beg Elon a million dollars? He has 200 billion so its like asking him for a dollar and change.

My family is basically all of these traits. Ive been gone 10years they are trying to make a comeback. 😂😂😂 eff them!

It's had to deal with because saying no to a beggar is so rude.

my grandmother is the queen of dry begging. it has gotten to the point that i just tell her Im too busy to pick up her implying nonsense and if she needed help she has to ask outright or i wont bother. created quite the fight and it took a while to stick to my guns and the gaslighting cut back quite a bit. she is still very bad and has dementia so this is on steroids lately

"He seems incapable of having a good time." "Constant state of discontent." These descriptions are spot on. My husband will have a blank stare that's spurred on by being tired. It's much more than tiredness. His exhaustion won't allow him to keep up the the facade of content. When I'm tired I may be irritable or have somewhat of blank look, but it's different than that creepy thousand yard stare I see on him which is inevitable followed by a rage about some petty.

Of course, in order to be a narcissist. You must first be diagnosed with narcissism. Just because an individual disagrees with you doesn't indicate, they're a narcissist. Just because a person, doesn't pay enough attention to you. It doesn't necessarily mean they're a narcissist. Just because another person hurt your feelings.Doesn't necessarily mean they're a narcissist. It's important not to get a tendency mixed up With a disorder...

I’m glad you finally put this into words, for me (us)… I’ve experienced this many times, and it never feels authentic, and eventually I would catch on and distance myself from said people. Manipulation is some people’s only skill, and it’s too bad

But is there a difference between " shy begging" and "dry begging " ?

Excellent insights, thank you!

Oh ofcourse for you God doesn't exist...But He does and it's never pretty ....

Get lost.