How not to be afraid of commitment in your relationship?

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[@JustTheTruth-Please]

My ex, we were childhood sweethearts who got married, left me because he said he felt he could do better. I found a wonderful loving man who raised my child as his own, who is devoted and happy with his family. My ex, after 26 years, is still looking for "better" and wished he had never left. I have chuckles when I bother to think about it.

[@voyagetravel1840]

im pretty sure you didn't tell the whole story lol and what u found was a simp

[@leehalloway8787]

Good on you! I have seen many people gamble and lose when trying to find better.

[@alarakoknar5591]

ur so bitter @@voyagetravel1840

[@crow2989]

@@voyagetravel1840you need a healthier mindset my boy

[@alexanderstark5233]

@@voyagetravel1840what an embarassing thing to say

[@Algo1]

At the end of the day, it's a commitment you make with yourself to commit to someone else.

[@Monochromatification]

Thank you for putting it so neatly. The commitment is with the self on behalf of the other, so it is more rootedin security within the self than in what the other person does or has or lacks.

[@michelleb7911]

Long term relationships are about whether you can accept their flaws for a life time, not whether you like them or not. That is over simplified but very true.

[@samandy24]

Very very true

[@melancholiadementia]

love it

[@violetariesmoon1028]

I had no fear of being exclusive. People thought I had commitment issues because majority of my relationships used to have a 18-24 month life span. It’s during that time, the guys I met were comfortable to drop their masks and reveal their true selves. If they didn’t lie in order to get me interested in them, we would have been spared a lot of time and heartbreak. Finally met someone who didn’t have a mask or lie because they thought it was what I wanted to hear. Been together for 19 years now.

[@nattie911]

100%! Most relationships get out of the honeymoon phase anywhere from 6 months to 2 years, then the automatic feel good chemicals wear off and you have to put effort into the relationship

[@MsJoyce31202]

❤

[@silverlinings3946]

Totally this. Just got of the phone with my friend this morning saying exactly the same. Men put on a mask because they know they are not good enough, and that if women knew their true character, they would never go out with them. Mask drops eventually. The trick is to know straight away when a man is pretending to be someone else, but it's difficult to spot it if a woman is desperate to be in a relationship.

[@angelbulldog4934]

The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed. Nobody has to commit to a relationship early on. Take your time. No rush. Really get to know the other person before you make that commitment.

[@MsJoyce31202]

❤

[@carbine090909]

great metaphor!

[@free2express08]

Such an important reminder to put yourself out there and don't be afraid of the unknown. Fear is not my future.

[@pipedreamtv]

This should be taught in grade school. In the beginning of our lives not at the middle and or end when it might already be too late and or set in. ❤

[@Bettieoaminh]

The truth is we all got childhood wounds and when you get in a relationship it Will trigger both of your wounds , But if the person is commited and trying their best , be patient with them , But if your feel like they start to criticize , gaslight you , manipulate or being to toxic and only complain it Will start to bring you down eventually. its better to set boundaries and if they dont respect it leave its better to be alone in solitude ❤👍🙌 respect your mental wellbeing But at the same time dont think that your partner is responsible for your happiness be patient with people and if the person is not abusive and is a kind person / faithful person you probarbly wont find any better out there to be honest and that’s the truth ! 🙌🤷🏻‍♀️💯

[@LilPoopsie]

Imagine telling that person you think you'd find someone better though. That's fucked up, it'd be like telling them you don't really love them because you're thinking someone will be better smh

[@dcmike27529]

Good take Dr Marks you sought a learn these things as you go thru your relationships in life , that everyone is not going to have all of the qualities you’re looking for but you gotta be on the same page in the things that are important

[@Ozmni11]

Good point.

[@michaelyeary828]

my biggest fear is abandonment it feels like I’m walking on eggshells like what if I say or do the wrong thing and like that they leave not even a chance at communication. I’m a honest person for the most part and my honesty tends to get me in trouble but I rather be honest then to lie about my feelings

[@RR-dh4jh]

Amen

[@Mahteez]

I Can relate definitely does feel like walking on egg shells​@@RR-dh4jh

[@alexviolett]

Someone gave a perfect analogy for this: dating multiple people is like watching multiple movies at the same time - you will see all of them, but will not remember anything. I think the fear of commitment is induced by our modern culture as becoming "limited" in choices, but what it actually does is helps you to focus and give undivided attention to one person. And, if it doesn't work out, you can always break up;) I met people who have an impression that once you're committed, you cannot leave. it's not true. You just cannot leave without ANY emotional repercussions because you will have to take your responsibility for why it didn't work out

[@nattie911]

Online dating has made things such a sad state of affairs. Too much ghosting and sexual harrassment

[@toplyf.]

When he drops off it's ghosting, when he is pushful it's sexual harassment 😅

[@aliveslice]

​@@toplyf.Ghosting is when you say nothing. Actually a great grey area between the two

[@70foolio]

So true. Thank you for the reminder. ❤❤❤❤

[@pavla2055]

A neighbour told a late marrying friend of mine years ago ' if you're too fussy you'll end up with nobody' . Good advice I don't know .

[@bubbleopter]

thank you this is exactly what I've been experiencing just recently. The one thing that's bugging me still is that I'm being asked to block friends and cut off connections to people that I consider good friends otherwise I feel like we should be okay.

[@magdragonfly6946]

Wait... Is there out people who fears not to find someone better instead fear to be not enough? 😮😮😮😮😮

[@hollymhood]

Thank you. I think maybe she's thinking this is fear of abandonment rather than fear of commitment?

[@mandipakuchwe4710]

😂yup

[@Ozmni11]

@@hollymhood both

[@mamh18]

I fear bothn🫠

[@joannaquanttumphysics]

Probably both

[@bettycooper369]

This also applies to people thinking you cpuld find a "better fit" when truthfully, both people will gtow and change in a long term relationship.

[@gandoff7840]

Dr. Marks be going harder than an 80's disco.

[@robynalvin2849]

Dr. Marks offers excellent advice.👍

[@warrenmatt5099]

You seem to have some great thoughts. This is the second time I'm seeing one of your shorts I might just described now to be honest

[@robiahcarlos4387]

It’s so hard to believe anything because our minds constantly telling us we not good enough and no one u can trust 😢😢

[@moniequajohnson3094]

But we don’t want settle but we deserve a complete package, and we have high standard lol. Selfish people someone find themselves alone because no one else is good enough.

[@RR-dh4jh]

This is one of the reasons why I've stayed in a almost 4 years relationship with my partner I've preached that finding someone to replace what you really want in that person, is really a waste of time, whereas; you can workout what you want from that person with the person you're currently with by compromising and communication.. a little improvising (depending on the relationship) but they are really all keys to a relationship. Now if the relationship puts you in harms way and that could mean anything from attempted murder, rape, or anything that can really damage you mentally or physically, RUN or walk away in a smart way (involving authorities, loved ones, if you have friends), or anyone you trust. But seeing always the good in that person helps, and realizing you can adjust to their flaws in whatever you can manage of course. Our minds are wired to thinking negativity, especially how we were raised, own beliefs, est. So what may work for you, may not work for me est. But ultimately, positivity outweighs the negativity. Its funny cause my partner asked me in the beginning, what I rather deal with flaws in a relationship or deal with what I wanted in a relationship.. and here we are 😅 P.s. we've known each other from elementary and we're now in our mid 30s

[@oliver7011]

I don’t want to be exclusive because I don’t know them yet! We can’t know someone until 2-3 months of dating.

[@ananse77]

That's reasonable. I think she's talking about after getting to know them quite well.

[@robynalvin2849]

Excellent advice.

[@rsmlinar1720]

Avoid people with traits that you hated most in your parents. But yes, also know that nobody is perfect and that you are also not the good guy as often as you might think

[@PossumMedic]

A way to resolve this conflict is to grow tf up! 😂

[@robynalvin2849]

Preach!!!

[@cubanito48]

Looking for perfection you’ll find loneliness

[@mandyporras07]

I needed this. Thank you.

[@MsJoyce31202]

Good point.

[@Mikisworld2000]

Haha same..the fear of just things not working out, shit happens. Its scary

[@brianwalker1472]

So true

[@Pamalama_DingDong]

Great advice 👌

[@waffle8364]

You actually have no idea how real it is when she says you would spend an eternity trying to find the perfect person. it doesn't exist

[@lgordhamer15]

God this is so real. Especially with the younger generation and social media

[@maamourr8170]

Great advice

[@supersmart671]

The idea that "best is yet to come" ruined my life

[@LadyNikitaShark]

The dating American concept is so weird. Where i live, if you start dating you will not date other people. We consider that cheating.

[@eve36368]

Dating overall started when women entered the workforce & could spend money at bars etc afterwards, instead of having their parents be tinder. -- weirdnesses happen partly because there's a canard of "boys & girls can't be friends" to the point that any M & F relationship whether friendship or whatever gets considered as "dating" by some heteronormative people. // the other part is that some people are polyamorous as in having higher saturation numbers than 1, and can discuss with their dating partners whether various boundaries. -- but this video still applies because it talks about intimacy vs keeping a distance & everyone has limits.

[@cjzanders5430]

@LadtNikitaShark - It’s not cheating because dating is getting to know people by going out and having fun. There is also no love yet between both parties. There is usually no exclusive commitment about that. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship is making yourself exclusively each others in a romantic sense. After a few dates or several months of dating, people usually decided if they want to date exclusively with each other because there is “love.” That’s pretty simple and very reasonable.

[@a-grin6989]

@@cjzanders5430As the dude says, yall mericans are weird af for that

[@EnCroissant427]

The entire concept of dating is to find someone who you click with enough to go exclusive with. Once you are exclusive, if are still seeing other people (screwing other people), then it is at that point that you are cheating, unless both of you agree to an open relationship.

[@cjzanders5430]

@@a-grin6989 no it’s not. Neither did you eloquently explain why it would be weird.

[@RiseUpToYourAbility]

There is no such thing as better just trade offs. If you are always looking for better just ask yourself if you want to date someone with the same mentality

[@elijahstidham7202]

i love your videos

[@samm-co1iz]

"Think" is better

[@joannaquanttumphysics]

Or, realize you're happier not in a "romantic" relationship :)

[@coppersense999]

I just heard Logan Uri talking about the solution to this problem. She works for either Bumble or hinge IDK and she wrote how to not die alone. I'll try to find the clip it's too long to explain.

[@tommygamba170]

Yep

[@MarcKlark]

I like my doctor 🏥

[@eunicenjeru215]

This has spoken to me Dr.

[@ajelder6822]

Amen 🙏 1000% truth

[@Chery869]

My situation currently

[@laurabeach5262]

How do we balance this with deciding whether or not a partner is a good fit?

[@boebender]

I fear I won’t be good enough, or that they’ll eventually leave. So, I don’t put forth any effort whatsoever.

[@Monochromatification]

Which guarantees the outcome you're most afraid of. But at least, you're in control, which supposedly feels better than waiting on the unknown.

[@jackjacky8105]

don't bs , this is an excuse

[@AB608052]

This person actually had to completely dip into the relationship in order to assess it. They seem to be actually completely perfectly unaware of the emotions of others.. So this is IT. I have gotten this quiz on the couch.. The doctor is going to make a funny face, usually an intimidating one, and see how you respond. So he actually got me, I know that serious can't be real if you're having me count backwards by 7, but he did it so well that it put me on my toes. What is this about, they really can't understand others this way.. They do not have empathy? It sounds like a made up thing, how can a person be missing a component of their psyche this large? I have to think about it.. but I guess it IS real. How and why.. I have to think about this.. But I HAVE seen it

[@silver9809]

Be an adult, trust in your own grading requirement, if their really is someone better enough to keep that in the back of your mind that isn't them to start, If you suspect your expectations are too high, do stuff that is anti ADD within 2 weeks check again and they should be normal now.

[@oscarsilva4120]

My God , why didn't I hear this in my early 20s?

[@barbarawentzel6202]

I've never had that happen. I always will be dumped. Never pretty enough, skinny enough, or $

[@mrtequila4505]

Its simple just look at their parents.

[@AB608052]

I think I understand actually. How do we learn? Cortisol UP in response to the stressor, which is part of the pruning process. The doctor makes this intimidating face, my cortisol goes up, but I've been having my cortisol go up in response to that face all my life.. So I can respond to it appropriately no problem.. But what about male specific conduct disorder and male specific antisocial personality. Supposedly they have this problem, their cortisol is not rising in response to this kind of cue? This could be a substantial disability. And then we have drugs, did someone do this to themselves abusing some kind of gym drug or etc. Somehow though the trigger is missing.. which maybe has various possible causes

[@Patrick-jx1yo]

If you’re looking for something better, you’re partner could likely do the same. What makes you so great anyway?

[@qualinseler]

Not everyone is looking for a long-term monogamous relationship. Every form of human interaction has its place. It's not like a long-term relationship is a 'win' and everything else is a 'fail'

[@Em-id4xn]

Its diffcult as a women because often being in a relationship means a lot more scarifice on our end... For example, being pregant is very demanding on the body and can lead to sickness for 9+ months for some women .. That not something men have to worry about. Being a mother can often put womens careers on hold for this reason... If you have an unstable partner with a unstable career then having a baby can be something very stressful.... Picking the right partner is very important and can lead to very bad consquences in bot taken seriously

[@jamese5936]

I get what you mean, but you also have to remember women's career being on hold as a mother means the man has to work more to cover the gap. I don't know if you know, but if society didn't shame men, we would have absolutely no problem working less and spending time with our children. It always surprises me when I hear women complain about not working as much because they have children now. I would give my career up if I could mantain my lifestyle and be with my children more. To me atleast, no career could ever replace time with children. So from my point of view, men are sacrificing more when it comes to that aspect.

[@eeaotly]

Well, this reasoning doesn't work if you think that the wrong person is yourself.

[@serwaahdorcas9369]

Someone help me please..im scared of being in a relationship with the fear of being hurt..😢

[@flaviamia2848]

Help me doc

[@appleheaddefender]

What if im not attracted to them

[@CircmcisionIsChi1dAbus3]

wow- within the first five seconds this video is already unrelatable. I gave up that search in high school.

[@divathedivinegoddess8001]

This is a Libra’s problem 😆😂

[@aken6285]

😂

[@deanagallatin6974]

I found the perfect guy! But he is bipolar 1. The kicker will be if he sticks to his meds. I know what I am getting into, I am an RN. This is the condition. But I do feel hesitant.

[@ijeoma5891]

You should read 'How to spot a dangerous man before you get involved'

[@zzzcocopepe]

What even is "better" ? Someone more attractive or something? Someone rich? It doesn't even make sense. It's a completely false dilemma. I bet it's tied to some kind of introverted bullying. Where you feel like you're being judged based on your partner.

[@sunny100294]

I find myself wanting „better“ sometimes. To me better is someone that is a better match. Someone with whom I have less conflict and better conversations. Someone who loves me for me and for my flaws and the other way around. I don’t know maybe my expectations are too high. I have a great partner, I love him, he’s a great person and he’s so cute. But sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to him like I can to other people. Our interests don’t align as much as I would like. Or he gets super annoyed at some of my characteristics and I in turn get annoyed at him for getting annoyed at me. Also he smokes too much weed which I also dislike… idk man, on the other hand he’s so sweet and good to me…

[@top_hat_walrus1860]

“Always gonna be a bitch badder out there in the tours but you ain’t ever gonna be happy till you love yours” J cole

[@danielavirginia13]

Don't call me ot like that

[@manthanmehta8724]

You meet someone and you start dating. Correction: you meet someone and they start dating

[@ingaju88]

❤

[@dreamerdoes_is_love8986]

What if you're polyamourous though? What do yoh mean by "commitmented"? Cause i don't only want to be with one person but i do want to commit and have deep relationships

[@lucid_lucas4509]

Polyamory=degeneracy

[@KO-771]

I pushed aside 5 great women during my 20s as a result of this specific error I made. Good thing I still havent reached my peak. 👍😎😂 I joke about it, although...I was a very confused and scared younger man...

[@rosemarietolentino3218]

People don’t know how to become one in looking for marriage.

[@toplyf.]

Only wise women reason this realistically. And that's rare.

[@miriam4235]

Euhm, no! If you have that mindset, you do not get in a relationship. You are definitely not ready for a relationship. It's cruel to your partner to step in a relationship as long as you think that way.

[@Scott-vl8gy]

And always remember, you may not be all that and a bag of chips either. 😂🥳🤗🤣

[@magicstix0r]

Lol what if you're afraid of committment because you dont want to lose half your stuff and have to pay child support?

[@zzzcocopepe]

Maybe you could try dating guys 🤷‍♂️ less of a gender war

[@user-sgr456u4eg]

Yeah please go date guys

[@robynalvin2849]

If, during marriage, you acquire property and then want out, you split property half and half. If you don’t wanna pay child support, either have no children or if you do don’t ever break up. Why would you not want to pay child support for your child to get the care they need? I can’t help but believe you’re a relatively young person. Who goes around saying they’ll never get involved because they’re afraid of losing half their stuff. You don’t lose your half you lose their half. Before you broke up, you owned all of it, together. If you want to break up, then you forfeit their half. Got it?

[@rebeccahare897]

Or become polyamorous...

[@MyPrayingmantis]

One word- Hypergamy

[@ejayanxiamentality3666]

Depressed me read the titile as “How not to be afraid to commit suicide”

[@leaellas8400]

Take a 30 mins walk daily. Soak in some sun and moderate exercise will help your mind. If you don't have anyone you can confide in, get therapy/counseling or journal. ... Maybe try praying or meditating too 🙏✨🌻Start with Psalm 23 or The Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6. Take care of yourself 💕!

[@ejayanxiamentality3666]

@@leaellas8400 thank you for your advice ! I’ve been trying all sorts of techniques like riding a bike to school and perhaps doing stuff that doesn’t require a lot of work, I do have to admit, I’m still in the midst of self-harming behaviours like vaping and self-sabotaging myself ripping off my good qualities and always reflecting on the negative sides of my life. But when I’m sane enough to get my head clear I can indeed make a difference and work on my academics and my interests. I hope you are also in good shape, God Bless You !

[@leaellas8400]

@@ejayanxiamentality3666 You are enough (perhaps you can remind yourself of that ever so often if you believe your concerns stem from self esteem or a poor view of your current self) 💕 I'm very happy that you find solace in working on your academic assignments/projects and interests 😉 Learning goes beyond the classroom. So, instead of engaging in harmful habits, you can delve into various aspects of what you learned or topics you are interested in by reading or watching documentaries about those topics. For example, we may learn about different vitamins in a health class, and they often end at what is water-soluble or fat-soluble. But when you are home, you could find out what vitamins and trace minerals compliment others to be taken together for better bioavailability within the body. I hope you continue to grow and take care of your needs (spiritual, emotional, mental, physical) so you can be able to contribute your unique gifts/strengths/talents to others (and also self-actualize) as time goes on! And yes, I'm quite alright myself, thank you! I understand, as I have gone through stages of being blue. My mom also suffered from depression moreso than me. Thankfully I was there for her before she died of other unrelated causes. Continue to take care of yourself 😇 Those that are closest to you and the extended world needs you more than you already know 🙏💝✨

[@carol-us4xn]

A very stupid idea😂😂😂😂 with who??? Robert???

[@judithperez9212]

Good night Dr Tracey what is your email address

[@voca-voca9469]

Or else you learn what you really want and need in life and aknoweldge a lot of human being are actually what you need/connect to and knows that the one that meet this expectation in your road is the good I'd and i don't talk about fantasy like lot of money ect but about reality and what you really need means you know what are your strong and weak point in life and also what kind of life could you make you happy. That is reality, there is no such thing as luck, we can see if we know enough of human nature what will happen in a relationship, there is a always flags and it's up to you to learn how to recognize them That psychiatrist is very weird by telling you there is only one way as accepting the unknown, there will be always a part of unknown but not that much when you have experience enough ofrelationship How come someone with a diplome in psychology is not aware of that.... That litterally the experience of reality

[@eschwarz1003]

Yep

[@voca-voca9469]

Or else you learn what you really want and need in life and aknoweldge a lot of human being are actually what you need/connect to and knows that the one that meet this expectation in your road is the good I'd and i don't talk about fantasy like lot of money ect but about reality and what you really need means you know what are your strong and weak point in life and also what kind of life could you make you happy. That is reality, there is no such thing as luck, we can see if we know enough of human nature what will happen in a relationship, there is a always flags and it's up to you to learn how to recognize them That psychiatrist is very weird by telling you there is only one way as accepting the unknown, there will be always a part of unknown but not that much when you have experience enough ofrelationship How come someone with a diplome in psychology is not aware of that.... That litterally the experience of reality