How Sexual Rejection Hurts Your Marriage

[@melkerner]

Wife decided we will never have sex again, never be intimate again, stated she doesn't see what the big deal is about sex. Withdrawal started 15 years ago, became increasing less and less - no affection, no kissing, no holding, no touching - replaced by dogs, kids and cell phone - add perimenopause and total denial of stated lack of sexual feelings and we are at an impasse. I am going to counseling, but lip from her so far, agrees we will - but no effort from her, insists I need to go to counseling for anger (who wouldn't be frustrated and angry after withholding for years). It's not just the act of sex, there is NO intimacy. She has starved me out. I have expressed all of these associated feelings and just continue to be dismissed and feelings used against me as a defense. Any outburst or display of frustration is used to further reject and distance.

[@toadman5184]

She sounds checked out. If it was me, I'd start making an exit plan. You only get one life, and it's yours to live. First though, you have to work out what you really want in a partner, and make a plan to get it, with or without her. If she's not meeting your needs, let her know this. Do it calmly without talking about her. Tell her what you need in a partner to be happy and satisfied, and that if she is unwilling or unable to provide that then you are going to find it elsewhere. Women are repelled by 'need' in a man - sad as it is. They respond better to rejection and indifference. So give her a taste of her own medicine and have the stones to replace her. Actually, don't even bother talking to her. You're 15 years deep into this. Work on yourself, make a plan for a new life going after what you want. Grey-rock that cold hearted cow, and build the life you actually want. To quote the late, great Steve Jobs: “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

[@MaryJoRapini]

I am so proud of you for going to therapy. I am not sure what she will choose but with therapy I believe you will choose your next step wisely. Good luck!

[@melkerner]

I am so glad I found you.@@MaryJoRapini

[@meeraom2522]

What if person is woman and has no earning

[@CherylSimon-ij2db]

@@ElimEx1 I am so very sorry that is going on in your marriage. I know the excruciating pain and trauma that being sexually rejected does to a person. I understand because I have experienced so much trauma in the past 20 years of our 46 years of marriage. I am now 64 yrs old and he is 65 years old. My husband’s affairs were exposed over 8 years ago. I had no suspicions and something inside prompted me to check his texts and calls. All of his text and calls also came to his iPad that was right next to me. He did not realize that. I would hear notification signals all of the time. I truly believed God wanted him to be caught. For our entire marriage I have been the initiator most of the time. Right before I found out about his affairs, I decided I was not gonna initiate sex again to see how long it would take for him to initiate sex with me. Well when the bomb fell it had been over a year that I had not initiated sex and he never did initiate sex with me. He was getting all of his sexual needs met with other women. He gave away what rightly belonged to me and me alone. He was stuck on that girl he had been having a 2 1/2 year affair with. She was the same age as our youngest daughter and this girl was slutty. In a few weeks 2 additional affairs were revealed. All 3 affairs were over a span of 13 years. My world fell into a million pieces. I would have bet my life that he would ever be unfaithful. He was a fraud. In front of family and friends he was a Godly husband but when he was out in the world on his job, he was NOT a Godly husband. It has been almost 3 years since we have had sex. We did resume our sexual relationship a few months after. It just kept getting further and further apart. About a year ago I questioned him. He said he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. He has told me this several times in our marriage. He then proceeded to tell me HE DOES NOT WANT A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ME!! That was the needle that broke the camel’s back. I can’t take anymore rejection. He actually believes that this is normal for a man of his age does not have a sex drive. He is either believing his own lies or he thinks I’m a fool. I am no fool! Well I’m 64 but I’m not dead! I still have a healthy sex drive. What a waste of what God has created for a man and a woman to become one and enjoy God’s gift to us.

[@iamtheoffenderofall]

Remember ladies....if sex is no big deal, you have zero right to be upset when he cheats.

[@WesTheWizard]

@@iamtheoffenderofall And if it's no big deal you shouldn't have any temptation to sleep with any other guy, period.

[@map3384]

My sister in-law did that to her long ex husband. She had no idea all it did was push him into the bed of his secretary who today is his wife. She still pines for him twelve years after the marriage ended.

[@reyesjoe57]

@@iamtheoffenderofall yea right. They want it both ways. Deprive and forbid..

[@DakotaCoughlin]

Facts

[@MaryJoRapini]

Unfortunately, cheating is about lying, and betrayal of a vow-not sex. You can cheat with money, emotionally and cyber . All of it is based on a flawed , selfish character flaw. If you want to end the marriage be honest and break up.

[@TheLegend-uq1gz]

If you have to go to counseling to get your spouse to sleep with you, trust me, it will be a pity sex & you will need more counseling for each pity sex you get. Solution: decide to accept it as it is or get out. Period.

[@IngerLokke]

@@TheLegend-uq1gz yes you need to leave

[@IngerLokke]

Dont stay like me..find someone who is good to you

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

Uhhh that is soooo true. Learned it on a hard way! And all I thought when I get it, it was a pitysex, or that I raped him!

[@maria83faure]

Fact

[@IngerLokke]

@@TheLegend-uq1gz amen yes not good with shitty sex offfff

[@BalmBeach]

Really caught my attention when you said 'how often they have sex in a week'. I'm measuring in months or years.

[@bigoleon]

Yup

[@WidebodyLotty]

When I was married, we had sex once in a good month. And most months weren’t good. We went as long as six months without sex on more than one occasion. I’ve been divorced nearly 8 years now, and even the thought of being married again feels like a living nightmare prison sentence.

[@JDT454]

Yeah, it’s years now used to be months

[@SuryaAshte]

So true.

[@davea2355]

Dam straight... How many times in a week??? Shit.. 1X I'd be thrilled.. usually I go a year without anything.

[@auggies]

Rejected on our wedding night, she relented on night two. She really had no interest till she wanted kids. I made a commitment to the kids, told her im gone once they are adults. That was forty years ago. The second child was born with cromasone damage and need me to there for him. He died last week at age fifty. A week later she reminded me of what i said. I told her its to late to start over, ill stay. How many men have sacrificed themselves in this way.

[@reemasujith9859]

My heart goes out to u..it's an enormous sacrifice which will definitely be honoured and rewarded...especially because you chose to stay..

[@EdmondHicksHicks]

Sorry to hear that 😕 but excuse me for saying, that's fucked up, that's the most important night, you express your love for one another, she better pray that that negative attitude is going to back fire in her face, think about yourself and mental wellness, separate for awhile

[@SnakePliskiin]

Its never too late brother. Do it for your self respect. You deserve peace and true happiness

[@klopcodez]

She’s with you because of your lifestyle and money you bring don’t be a Fool walk away before it’s too late your getting used pal I feel sorry for you she’s just pitting you out of fear is losing her wallet and that’s you but isn’t attracted and probably cheating

[@klopcodez]

Your just an ATM and Piggybank don’t fall for that BS

[@nobodyknows3180]

Looking back on my marriage, my wife didn't want me buying nice clothes for myself (I worked in construction, wore nothing but grubby work clothes, and owned 1 suit for church, that's it), didn't want me focusing on my own hobbies or interests, didn't want me having friends or any social life outside the house, didn't want me focusing on improving my looks or physical fitness - I realized later on in life that she didn't want me to be attractive to any other women - she must have realized that if I realized I had the potential to develop better options ELSEWHERE, I'd be gone.

[@palindrome06]

She seems very insecure. Unfortunately there are so many women like that.

[@JohnWilliams-te9ii]

She was on the money TBF

[@alive4627]

Something as simple as holding hands makes a huge difference.

[@androidphone6880]

Wow, I remember when that was tolerated....

[@chrismoore58]

Tried holding my wife's hand on Christmas. Nope. Nothing. Nada.

[@craigosborne8667]

Ya right !!

[@SantiagoVeraLoor]

When you are starved from sex ofcorse your going to think about it. My wife denies me all the time but before she married she didn't have a problem with sex

[@Jaco3688]

The typical woman will eventually dismiss seggs as unimportant and inconsequential after a period of time of being together. It may take 2 years. In may take 5-7, but sooner or later she WILL pull the plug. Fathers need to be up front about this with their sons.

[@DMRCapitalHill]

It’s because at that time of dating you had the leverage but you got married and LOST your leverage

[@Patrick-xd8jv]

Sounds familiar

[@Amazing_Lee]

Yep, agreed

[@Moshe5573]

You got con my friend. And TRUST you are not alone!

[@rezinatornz]

What you have discussed here in this video is exactly what my wife and I have gone through especially in the last 2 decades of our 4 decade plus marriage.. As a husband and father of children all grown adults now.. Have found the the menopausal stage of life has been hard on us both.. Neither of us not being emotional intelligent enough to deal with it more positively? And now she has left the home and has been gone for months already. I feel she's felt this way for many years! Going back ward's and forwards in and out of our marriage.. I've tryed to tell her my feelings and thing's just go bad! Apart from other issues in our marriage this is where we are right now. I've invited her to come and talk about our situation.. But sadly no response... Thank you for putting this out there i really appreciate it a lot.. With Regards Stephen...

[@daneanderson744]

Hope you are doing better now...but came here to say that not making a decision IS a decision. When she leaves you, believe that she doesn't want to be near you, and move on with the rest of your life.

[@EnemyAce88]

I've had "the talk" several times now. It doesn't help. "It's not you. It's me. I'll do better. I promise." But then nothing changes. I get the dead starfish about once a month if I'm lucky. The rest of the time she's either too tired or has her face buried in her phone. She doesn't care about conversation or connection with me either. If not for my son I would have filed for divorce a long time ago.

[@Billy-the-Kid]

Many men are in the same kids situation like you. Keep going because of kids.

[@Silverset_]

My situation is almost identical to this, but the frequency has now become one every 3 months….. it’s miserable.

[@Billy-the-Kid]

@@Silverset_ Get yourself a side piece.

[@mikelp72]

Same

[@mondomondo508]

Leave her. Staying is showing an unhealthy relationship dynamic to your son.

[@derekrespalje]

"Go to a therapist, go to a therapist" So easy for you to say that. Hard in practice. Therapists cost money I don't have, therefore I continue to suffer in my marriage. Until they make therapy more affordable, people like me who have no money will be screwed

[@MrModamanReviews]

If your partner doesn't want to be intimate with you, then it's time to divorce. Therapy won't work with a person who doesn't love you. I've seen so many comments from people who have gone years or even decades without having sex with their spouse. Why are they still together? You don't get married to have a roommate.

[@TP-vu3tc]

Limited thinking

[@stephenyoho148]

Can't afford a divorce

[@ez-g3090]

​@@stephenyoho148learn Spanish and run away to Mexico.

[@IAmTheEggMan111]

Yes. Just leave. Life is too short to tolerate that kind of treatment

[@jaymylar1726]

Can't afford to waste the one life you're given too... divorce is so expensive bc its sometimes worth it.

[@Timbertrussminifarm]

Even if it’s once a week ..if 1 person is controlling WHEN…it’s deteriorating

[@nonecomformistme932]

Every time your rejection a petal falls off that rose

[@zeersa4089]

Guys, please don’t beg for sex, no one should ever have to, it’s a very humiliating. If your wife withholds sex even after talking about it, simply LEAVE

[@fallon7616]

What about the wives? 😢

[@soup41]

​@@fallon7616 you too! You should leave too! You want your memories on your deathbed to be "and I left this world feeling like a good, unwanted, unworthy, disrespected, wife. Whose desires didn't deserve a second glance". You deserve better. You're not failing a marriage for leaving it, you're failing yourself for staying.

[@goldknox9629]

Always best to work it out if married. Honor your vows

[@alfredogarcia3190]

You are absolutely right Do not beg for sex , move on There are plenty of ladies willing to be intimate with you.

[@inspire3976]

So true, trying to talk about it still feels like begging,,, mostly the party refusing feels like their cheating on the one they love who is the one their infatuated with,,, leaving them gives them a first hand experience with karma... They find it exciting cause it's illicit and juggling behind your back,,, remove yourself the fun seizes and you get a better responsive partner

[@pistache28]

Great video that explains perfectly what I have experienced with my wife! She stopped being a wife for 6 years and it was extremely difficult to bear. Now, I am distant and I don't want her.

[@Birdfan465]

Married a gal with a 2 year old girl. The day that girl graduated from college intimacy ended. After 3 years of zero encounters of anything i asked her if it would ever happen again she looked me in the eye and said i only married you to help raise my daughter. That daughter qas the best thing that ever happened to me. . But it sure hurts me inside.

[@alive4627]

@@Birdfan465 That was really cold.

[@Joey2Pedals]

I got a vasectomy after my youngest son was born, after that, she slowly tapered off. Lately its happened just to ahut me up. Im so over it.

[@rubenpereal.9906]

11 years in a sexless marriage. Actually I see her as my roommate 😔

[@jeromemorgan4928]

I understand my brother, I am going through the same thing.

[@DMRCapitalHill]

If you’ve been in a sexless marriage for 11 years, that’s your fault

[@Katarzyna-h2z]

So before marriage she was as roomate too?

[@MAte925]

Give her an ultimatum

[@TuerlingsTim]

That is why I divorced my “sister” the cost kept the same but at least I did not have to listen or see that creature anymore

[@georgedegirolamo6947]

Every therapist I ever spoke with before I got divorced told me that when the sex ends, so does the marriage. Boy, were they right. The feeling of rejection is probably one of the worst

[@1111fairy]

I asked him to skip church on our 7th anniversary to be intimate. He lectured and shamed me about how selfish/thirsty i was to make that more important than worship. That was the end of my desire and our relationship died shortly after.

[@ez-g3090]

Good to hear that it's happening to a woman instead of a man. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[@marvinodhiambo8362]

Church should not be skipped for intimacy if God is the foundation of the relationship. You should have gone to worship then get the intimacy after church

[@turkwelsch]

You could’ve done it before or after church why did you have to make it about his commitment to God?

[@mfawls9624]

Yeah. I have to go with the first two comments. What a disrespectful choice. He might have lost desire for you after that.

[@AltruisticWarrior]

F that, if given the opportunity, I'll always get on my knees and worship my wife's altar. Religion might be a very important cornerstone in a marriage but a healthy marriage is also a cornerstone to a couples religion. I'm sure a couple would be forgiven for going to church in a different manner that day. Hopefully you've found peace and comfort OP.

[@elishavickers4638]

“How many times a week“, I wish, how about month, quarter or year. It’s November and we are way less than 10

[@Birdfan465]

Try twice in 3 years.

[@mfawls9624]

Try for my 50th birthday...I'm sixty next month.

[@BlackWhite-tx2kb]

The marital act is meant to be a necessary component of marriage, barring old age or ED or a disfunction to that effect. One must otherwise put out. It doesn't matter if you agree on the mortgage or career paths or whatever. Never withold unless you want to end the marriage. Plain in simple. Never use sex as a bargaining chip.

[@johnhartsock1891]

A woman I dated limited me to two head jobs a week, and she never wanted to French kiss. Needless to say, I moved on

[@d53101]

Too many women do.

[@JoseSerrano-ct2rf]

This is a good video and has me doing some deep soul searching about my 30 year relationship with my wife. She too has ended any form of emotional or physical intimacy, we're communicating about this, but I see no resolution. I am now considering divorce. I can't live in silent anguish, sadness, and loneliness anymore.

[@urbanart7325]

I never rejected my wife's sexual advances. Honestly, she never made any sexual advances even while dating. After 20 years of no sex- divorce

[@UL789]

Some patience bro😢

[@westernstar9121]

After the first 3 months or 6 i wood of being gone

[@iamtheoffenderofall]

You gave her 20 years and half your life, possessions, wealth and finances. She won. You lost.

[@spitfirekid1]

My wife has HSDD due to hormone deficiency and our intimacy crumbled. I told her that she needed medical help and that I could not accept life together without love and intimacy. She has an appointment with a doctor that specializes in women’s sexual health. We’re counting on it to work because our relationship won’t survive the way things have been. I’ll post again in a few months.

[@iamtheoffenderofall]

Just get the papers drawn up. It'll never get better cause she knows you'll buckle

[@spitfirekid1]

@@iamtheoffenderofallrespectfully you can’t say I will buckle because you don’t know me. I’m a two-time prostate cancer survivor and when I fight for something, I fight to win. She’s already had one appointment and is receiving much needed hormone therapy that was never prescribed. The second appointment is this week for further help is this week. My bet is that if we fix the biological issue she’ll feel better and sex will be great again for both of us. The moral of the story is that when something is fun, you want to do more of it. When something isn’t fun, you’d rather do something else. It’s called the human condition. Good luck to you.

[@mfawls9624]

Intimacy should not crumble because of physical issues. Not for women.

[@spitfirekid1]

@ they ran blood tests on my wife. Her testosterone level was way low so she’s now receiving hormone therapy. She’s feeling better and life is getting better for both of us.

[@DakotaCoughlin]

​@@spitfirekid1awsome good for both of you

[@floatingbacon3909]

My husband never ever makes the first move and I feel disgusting. We are in our early 30’s and I’m just wondering what’s going on. We work the same amount of hours and we chip into expenses and household duties…I feel less wanted everyday

[@Katarzyna-h2z]

Mayby he took Red pill

[@floridaoceancurrents]

I'm really sorry to hear that. Especially with you two being so young. I hate to say this, but, as you know, that isn't normal for a man. Usually we crave physical touch as a means of emotional connection. Have you talked with him already about why he won't initiate sex? There are some red flags there on his end.

[@MAte925]

Try walking around naked in front of him more

[@iamtheoffenderofall]

You emasculated him. You disrespected him. You wanted be to the man.

[@vira1340]

Welcome to how men have been treated throughout history. Feel bad for you though.

[@ark.0616]

When one person or both of the couple doesn’t get intimate that means they’re not emotionally connected anymore and it also fair not to pretend and force yourself still sleep with them . Physical intimacy can only be done when two people connected emotionally,mentally and spiritually. It’s better not to sleep together if you will just pretend having a good time while he / she is touching you because it’s very unfair for the other partner who is still invested in the relationship sad to say . That is why I don’t understand why people can sell their bodies and able to sleep with other people where love is not there or not present . Sometimes I just pondering how can you even feel the excitement of having a lovemaking to a person who just pay you and love was not even existed to strangers ? or how can you be in a relationship with physical intimacy knowing both of you doesn’t have the chemistry anymore …?

[@ElimEx1]

Because sex and intimacy are not related. It is a historical fallacy to imply that it has always been so. It's actually only in the past 60 years or so that they started to be wrongly coupled together. Sex is sex, love is love.

[@rosyapplekitchen635]

I agree with you. A women can keep having sex at the start of a relationship but unless she feels loved as time goes on she will completely go off sex.

[@lorishu48103]

Or they have a health issue , mental health issue , hormonal issue or a med side effect . Can’t force libido but the rejection is what is hurtful I agree .

[@elguapo7754]

@@rosyapplekitchen635 If I stop having sex, I WILL DEFINITELY stop being loved

[@edwizard62]

Thank you Mary Jo

[@edgarbolden5742]

I was IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN WITH KIDS FOR FIVE YEARS AND SHE REJECTED SEX FROM ME. I AM GLAD I DIDN'T MARRIED HER BECAUSE I ALREADY WAS IN SEXLESS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER

[@vinab7843]

Me and my husband do everything but sex. We hold hands we flirt we do date nights, say I love you everyday. He tells me I'm beautiful/sexy he touches me and I him. I tell him he's handsome or sexy etc. We do everything! But when it comes to intercouse or any sexual act he doesn't want to. I don't know what to do we haven't been married for 3 years yet. Ive asked him and he does have an issue with ED but I feel he's not trying his best to figure out why. He will try something one or 2 times and if it doesn't work he gives up and feels defeated. I'm trying to understand but this I the only issue that he is not willing to get resolved. I'm at a loss!

[@daviddeck8509]

I suspect he may be gay… even if he has ED he can at least give you head etc. Best of luck I hope I’m wrong and things get back on track ❤

[@hennaaaa32]

Same

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

Feel the same way, he rejects me the same way, only thing is that he has premature ejaculation after 2-3 of ins and outs, and he is done.

[@vinab7843]

@@xdxdxdxd4575 I'm so sorry :(

[@vinab7843]

@@hennaaaa32 I'm sorry!💔

[@Kittyququmber]

Excellent video…. Well summarized.

[@mulyanti2218]

I’m a wife. And now i always rejected by my husband. Such a hurt feelings😢💔

[@DMRCapitalHill]

It’s because he’s not attracted to you. That’s the core reason

[@alphabogeyman7462]

​@@DMRCapitalHillthe man has a problem, it's ezther you've become unattractive due to weight, no doing your hair, hygiene, not dressing well etc or he has erectile dysfunction. Even if he was cheating, he will, still bang you, men love variety. There is something about you that doesn't arouse him sexually. The only other possibility is that he is addicted to pornography, hence only extremely graphic sexual acts can arouse him, that is a huge problem.

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

@@mulyanti2218 uhhh, I am in the same boat...

[@iamtheoffenderofall]

I wonder what you did for him to reject you. Bet you always emasculated him, had to be right even when you knew you were wrong. Lets talk to him. I bet you were the cause.

[@alphabogeyman7462]

@@mulyanti2218 there are possibly three major reasons a man would reject his wife in bed. 1. She has been unfaithful in which case the sight of her irritates him. 2. She is no longer paying attention to her looks and hygiene, possibly put on weight, no longer dresses well, no longer uses perfumes and so on. It can be a huge turn off. 3. If she constantly complains about his performance in bed, he may lose the urge to even have sex with her altogether because it usually doesn't have a happy ending.

[@brucek6563]

We haven't been intimate for almost 7 years!!! When I ask her if we'll ever be intimate again she says she doesn't know. That means no!!!

[@Youngone78]

Hey! Woman here. It’s been 9 for me. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too. Just thought I’d share from a woman in the same position. How do you honestly handle it? I’ve never cheated in my life, but this is the first time, I can say it has been on my mind a lot! Can you share how you deal? Again, I’m sorry, and I totally understand.

[@brucek6563]

@@Youngone78 I know she isn't cheating, and neither have I. There's really nothing I can do. I used to take care of myself, but that only works for so long. I guess you can say I just except it. It makes me sad, but what can I do?

[@stephenyoho148]

​Maybe you and I could hookup

[@stephenyoho148]

Maybe you and I could hookup ​

[@TheLegend-uq1gz]

You may need to buy yourself a Deal Dough. OR file for divorce.

[@scottnadrie]

What about when the other partner feels neglected and ignored and takes care of 90% of responsibilities in household, Hubby is bipolar and has a bad back, but I feel, I'm responsible for his health and medicine,.he won't go to chiropractor, or do things with me and kids. When he gets rejected, throws a fit amd threatens to cheat. I'm overwhelmed with everything! He works Graveyard, so he comes home.amd sleeps all day, I work during the day and deal with kids.

[@daneanderson744]

Does withholding sex help your marriage, or harm it? Do you want to be married to the person you are married to?

[@Trucklife-money]

If they use it as a weapon they show you all you need to know they don’t care so just leave don’t let them emasculate you

[@androidphone6880]

When she actively rejects you and has 0 interest in your feelings and 0 interest in fixing things, it's time to demote her to second wife and give first wife status to someone new.

[@WesTheWizard]

So many people in the comments saying "just leave", but don't forget what it means to get and be married. You owe it to her and yourself to try your best to work it out before you finally give up.

[@vira1340]

No she owes it you to provide sex. She has reneged, you have every right to choose your response. Leave or use sex workers etc. You owe your wife nothing if she is not giving you what she owes you.

[@Ty-ranical1]

People need the Lord tbh. Modern days are dark and despairing for most... needing to fulfill the flesh constantly. That signals detachment from God to me. Low vibration behaviors that everyone is affirming and condoning it seems.

[@WesTheWizard]

@@Ty-ranical1 The whole idea of low vibrations and high vibrations never made sense to me. It's not in the Bible. Where did that idea come from?

[@Ty-ranical1]

@WesTheWizard Sinful behavior. I see things more metaphysically, I guess, so it is easier to explain with frequency and energy. Low vibration is dense and in the body. Higher vibration is increased wisdom with a focus on ones spirituality.

[@alive4627]

@@WesTheWizard When there are children it gets more complicated.

[@charlessmarr7107]

Thank you for a startling insight. I had forgotten about all the dismissal, avoidance and downright insults that were there long before the total sexual rejection. How do you get back that person who now treats you worse than a stranger. And how do you find the resolve to keep trying?

[@daneanderson744]

Sometimes you have to believe people when their actions clearly communicate that they do not love you.

[@KJ-pu8dw]

@charlessmarr7107- you dont. Just Leave.

[@johncarlson6472]

The key is, never marry. To sign a contract she'll benefit by breaking gives her the power to pull out all the stops with every sh*tty form of manipulation one could imagine...including withholding sex. Unlike marriage, if you're dating or living together (in a non-commonlaw State), if she starts rationing the poon, you can just walk away with your pride, balls, money and sanity intact. Interestingly, letting her know you're prepared to walk quite often makes them rethink and reverse their B.S. antics at attempting control of the relationship. Caveat Emptor, Gentlemen.

[@johnhartsock1891]

A woman who refuses to give good head can be a real dating challenge, but what about one who refuses to even kiss?

[@Rudy-e3f]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR GENEROSITY OF HEART AND THOUGHT.

[@jackblankenship7743]

Try being told I could care less if I ever touch you again and then she acts like I’m making it up. Rejection does hurt in marriage

[@jwigley3835]

I remember a girlfriend of mine lost interest in sex. I was 24 at the time and that was definitely not acceptable. I didn't cheat on her but I stopped staying with her at night and started hanging out more with friends. The lack of sex got worse. She started complaining about me not spending nights with her and suggested we split up. I agreed and took off. Months later she tried to get me back and apologized for not giving me sex and said she would change that. I rejected her. There is no bargaining in sexual desire. You can't make someone want it when they don't naturally want you. I feel bad for all the married men out there that have to deal with this crap. It sucks because you want to leave but you know that she will steal all of your assets on the way out.

[@Dalf80s]

Always promises that she will do better. Never comes true. Have 2 beautiful kids. 😢 I probably need to suffer still for a long long time. Luckily if i get sex 2 times a year. Can never touch her sexually. Im dying inside.

[@Billy-the-Kid]

Wedding cake kills all men in the end...

[@DakotaCoughlin]

Leave her she ant a wife she a sexless roommate a parasite you mean nothing to her sorry man

[@Tony-cy6ug]

Been married 30 years, she said if we never have sex again she's ok with that! She had multiple partners before me...

[@SammifromMiami]

@Tony-cybug, I've heard the same thing come out of my wife's mouth

[@DMRCapitalHill]

It’s because your the beta male simp

[@chadstevens6605]

Just leave. Your marriage is dead. Stop pretending otherwise.

[@iamtheoffenderofall]

You are the safe simp. You played yourself. Congrats

[@palindrome06]

If my partner rejects me that means I have every right to satisfy my own needs outside. I'd let her know and I would feel no remorse at all.

[@DMRCapitalHill]

Yeah, but if you’re having to step out of that relationship, and you’re still married to them on paper, you by definition as a man are the beta male Simp

[@Steven-oc4ds]

My ex tried that with me early on in our marriage... she said, "What would you say if i said i dont like sex" first words out of my mouth, i want a divorce. I'll be damned if I'll be 23 in a sexless marriage. So it's put out. Get out or im getting a gf. I still ended up getting a gf 4years later cause she made it a chore and something i did to her... not with her.

[@BIG_DUDE82]

My wife doesn’t reject me but she NEVER initiates the sex and that really bothers me because I don’t know what to think. Although I have brought this up a couple times, I don’t want to keep talking about it because at that point, if she does initiate sex, I would think that she’s only doing it to get me to shut up about it and it’s not going to be something that she does “periodically”. That’s all I need is periodically, it doesn’t even have to be regularly.

[@elguapo7754]

Such a "marriage" must be ended and a court must be fought to determine the guilt of the person refusing. A marriage without sex is not a marriage and someone decides about that. Write in the comments whether anyone has managed to rebuild sex in a marriage after a break lasting, for example, 5 years. I bet no one. The fact that a man tolerates such behavior is simple information for a woman. I am the one in charge in the marriage and if he tolerates it, he will tolerate anything. Add to that a bit of manipulation... She only feels contempt precisely because you tolerate it. This advice from various "therapists" is worthless.

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

@@elguapo7754 just a little add.... Not only woman can be a witholder...!

[@DuffyGabi]

I am about to turn 60. My wife of nearly 32 years is 58. I have been fighting for our marriage since 2015. In that year my Dad died and I decided I needed to start living my life. I started taking our four kids on cool trips and I tried hard to detoxify my effect on the family. I don't let politics get me so upset and I try to limit my complaining. Everyone noticed. Anyway, I am currently trying to get us back to a point where we say "I love you." I try to talk more openly about sex. It is all scary. I did have a conversation 20 months ago in which I told my wife that I am the wrong person for her...that this is not working...that we should be done. My wife who never cries burst into tears and fell on her sword. Anyway, things are much better than 2015. We are no longer ships in the night. I don't think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. The only hope for marriage is two people who are committed to making it better. Many marriages have two people committed to not ending the marriage, That is not enough.

[@melkerner]

@elguapo7754 8 years, 5 months, 4 days. We are working on it. Before that mong period it was 17 months, then twice the year before that, 16 months before that, etc.. for almost 16 out of 23 years. Now she is tighter with less elasticity and we are working on "stretching" every week or so. It can be done, but with the desire to do so willingly and eagerly seeking that connection, it won't work

[@teresaorr7991]

My partner literally will get himself off without even involving me. I mean there’s reasons atm why we can’t have sex, but I told him that when he gets off, to let me know so it gets me off etc. he literally is like omg babe I’m so tired from work. I’m just at my wits end and I’m hurting

[@MAte925]

He's selfish

[@DakotaCoughlin]

As a man thats sad cause most men would literly kill for reciprocation and love hope it works out if not you deserve happiness so find another partner

[@incognito-yj4gu]

Whem sex stops the marriage becomes more like a simple acquaintance arrangement.

[@susan9188]

It's then a contractual arrangement only.

[@DakotaCoughlin]

Prostitution essentually without the sex though so just plain theft great job ladies

[@roccomiller2647]

Can anyone help me understand how to find a sex therapist/coach/guide? Ive noticed lots of therapist list it in their skills, but is it a specific title? What should i google to find someone? I feel weird calling placesto ask…. Ya know, sensitive to rejection at the moment

[@Gbolas1989]

Unless u have lived though this no therapist has no idea what your going though...they cant relate to u if they haveñt lived though it!!!

[@stephenyoho148]

Best thing you can do is just leave save yourself a lot of grief move on this is a voice of experience I stayed way to long best not to ever get married it will just break your heart

[@jaytan915]

Thanks for discussing the subject. Basically, husbands and wives have sex. We tend to conflate that with other things like passion, emotional connection, family responsibilities, household chores division etc. I suspect that the grief for the lack of sex in marriage could be related to issues of rejection and abandonment.

[@edgardogonzalez916]

Most women stop the music of life following menopause which leads to loss of intimacy and abandonment To no one surprise this is one of the principal causes of divorce like in my case after 27 years of marriage

[@BobHurls-s3v]

Married forever, but no sex for 17 years, don't even want her to touch me......beyond hope, no response when I bring it up to talk about.......doomed.

[@daneanderson744]

Why are you still married to her?

[@BobHurls-s3v]

@@daneanderson744 I would lose everything, the way the lawyers & courts are here, plus my adult kids would blame me for everything!...

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

I am a woman, and my husband is the witholder. Everything is perfect, but he doesn't want to have sex with me. I tryed to communicate with him , but no response. Everything is good according to him. He wants no therapy, because there is no problem, and if we have, "we can solve it together", no need another person. But when I try to speak, he goes away (as he did it in the last few years), and says, nothing is wrong. I would be into anything, or at least I would try, but he shares nothing, like he would have no desires and needs. But I think premature ejacularion is part of the problem, and majbe he watches corn (I just don't know, he watched before me).

[@Lacuna1122]

He finds porn preferable to sex with you

[@diavolorosso69]

Man here- I know exactly what you're going through & my heart aches for you. Hope you find someone who appreciates you. BTW, if it actually is corn the guy's a loser. I use to watch cause I knew my wife wouldn't be interested but I guarantee it wasn't preferable to my wife but then eventually it became too depressing to even jerk so now I just hope I get prostate cancer and escape this fucking nightmare.

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

@@diavolorosso69 thanks for your empathy and understanding!

[@andyhemmings7363]

Most men check out of an emotional marriage into a platonic one because mainly of the withdrawal of sexual intimacy from the woman. I've heard women say "sex isn't everything" yet the effect on all men after years or even decades of love and marriage, a woman doing that to her partner/husband is utterly devastating on every level to the man. His life crumbles before him and what makes it worse is many men stay loyal because of the vows he made and the engrained love and care he always has for his wife and mother of his children. A man suffering this goes to his grave an empty broken soul and the wife normally has no idea what she's done to him and how she destroyed his life. Take from that what you will. I have limited time upon this earth and don't care anymore.

[@zapszapper9105]

hoarding junk so you can't open doors, getting and then maxing out credit cards, not initiating any touch at all, refused sex with me for 15 years a18 years of marriage Refuses any conciliating or marriage courses What should I do? Don't want to end a 33yr marriage..?

[@klamb9]

I've had none in 44 years and I am at my wits end. Ask her if she won't sleep with you then who does she want you to sleep with?

[@stephenyoho148]

Leave

[@kellyfontes7757]

The problrm is guys.. we will not walk away. She does not want you, most of all she does not respect or appreciate you. I went through it for 15 years and got fat, depressed and did not reach potential at work. My ex still did not work for 20 years and we had 4 kids. Time to show equakity and file divorce, I did. After 15 years of little to no sex she got run through during the divorce. More men in that year than sex with me in years. What we need to admit is they dont want us and we need to move on.

[@McD-j5r]

The sexual rejection can hurt one of the partners, and if it were not like that, it would hurt the other pair. Sometimes, sex is essential for the other and not as much for the other. Sometimes, an individual develops through the years to mature as a gray or semi-sexual and becomes a celibate.

[@floridaoceancurrents]

Amazing that many women will use any excuse or no excuse at all in routinely rejecting their husbands, but if the shoe were on the other foot regarding her emotional needs, she would label you as a jerk and would accuse you of being emotionally abusive. Here's what I mean: go a month telling your sexless marriage wife that you don't want to listen to her because you're too tired, had a hard day at work, or just can't get into talking with her and can't force yourself into wanting to have a conversation. If she doesn't get your point, the relationship can't be saved because it means she's selfish or indifferent at the core.

[@ericholmes8208]

A relationship without sex is a friendship

[@hightechinspector2280]

Marriage is a joke these days. Stay single and enjoy your sovereignty.

[@Tony-cy6ug]

We've never discussed it!!

[@stephenyoho148]

If you did it would be your fault

[@GeorgeChildress-p5c]

Truth be told exactly

[@saralee4thewin]

It's hard to explain, if I get sex once a month I'm happy and won't try everyday, if I'm not getting any I'll probably try everyday, it doesn't mean I need it everyday.

[@bobdobalina8910]

Part THREE Now here we are, going on close to four years, No contact with her family, I made it very clear after the Feminist Activist for a Counsellor that if her family was ever to come to my HOUSE, that our relationship would be Dead in the Water, that I allowed my son to continue to see his grandparents was because of my generosity, kindness and understanding. At my explicit indulgence. You ask what did the Feminist Activist, not a Counsellor, do? I walked into a mine field. Right off the get go, she wasn't interested in my side, or getting the facts, or how it happened, it was attack, attack, attack, she gas light, lied, spoke innuendos, attempted to use red herring and straw man arguments, belittled, denigrated, besmirched, gaslit some more, played victim, was verbally abusive towards me and gave me ultimatums, while my wife listened to it all. I used Facts, Logic, Common Sense and Critical Thinking to counter her insanity. It proved futile and was in vain. I wasn't going to allow my son to see his grandparents over this. However, I did agree to a gesture of "Good" Will, while we continued "Counselling" which would allow my son to continue to see his grandparents while we worked through this. I think we made it a third "Counselling" session, when I had had enough, the Activist, and my wife, wanted me to not just bend the knee, but grovel, plead and beg for forgiveness, not just with the Activist, but my wife, and her parents as well, that I was 100% in the wrong, that it was 100% entirely my fault, and that the only way to "Fix" it was to grovel and beg (my summation of what they thought I was going to do), pleading forgiveness, where they may or may not accept it, but with terms and conditions. I thought to myself PARDON ME? However, I kept my mouth shut, and asked for one small contrition, a "Good" Will gesture on their part. What was this Good Will gesture? Rather than have me meet at their (parents) house, knock on their door, while my vehicle was kept running, so that when they opened it, I could beg and plead forgiveness, where they would then decide and get back to me, I could then hop into my vehicle had head back off to home or a friends house that live in the area, I simply asked to meet at a local coffee shop, to talk and all of us could offer up apologies, although I was the aggrieved person in all of this, I was the one disrespected by the four of them, I was the one shouted and screamed at, I was willing to go first in offering up an apology. Pretty simple, pretty straight forward you would think. NOT a Big ask. I asked it, because I wanted to see my wife's and their reaction. It turned out, that was a HUGE NO GO. NEGATIVE. NOT going to happen. It was going to be how the Activist and my wife wanted it or NOTHING. It was rejected outright. I said nothing of that sort will happen on my watch. I gave an Extremely Generous Good Faith gesture, in allowing my son back to visit, while we worked things out, what I was asking for in return wasn't much. Look for Part FOUR

[@normanfreytag3262]

These are very real truths .... men and women are different, true. But withholding sex is just cruel. I pray a lot ... that's all that's keeping me together. As a Christian, I know that masturbating and watching impure things is wrong, but my spouse (32 years) wants no part of me. It's just super sad .... I heard from someone once that the distinction is: 'for WOMEN. Intimacy leads to sex, and for MEN, sex leads to intimacy.' I think I understand both sides, but in my case my wife thinks I (alone) need counseling ... not counseling together. She's fine with us living like Charlie Brown and Snoopy. So I cry a lot ... and pray. But I'm hopeful, because God is in the business of restoring relationships.

[@WidebodyLotty]

When I was married, we would have sex once in a good month. And most months weren’t good. We went as long as six months without sex on more than one occasion. I’ve been divorced nearly 8 years now, and even the thought of being married again feels like a living nightmare prison sentence.

[@Thomas-hr6ng]

I don’t beg for sex, ever. She is dreadfully bad at sex anyhow. I no longer associate my wife with anything even remotely intimate. Regardless as to what she does or doesn’t want I shall never have sex with her again, ever.

[@checkmate9111]

99.9% the wife stops.

[@silkcitysocialist420]

Definitely not true.

[@ravindrabh2664]

​@@silkcitysocialist420i agree with you. he is not correct. it is actually more than 99.99999%

[@davidkanalos6710]

Man i can't make it two weeks without sex if i do im very moody 😒

[@diavolorosso69]

Me too but my wife either doesn't get the fucking obvious connection or she just doesn't give a sweet flying fuck.

[@Whipcream1974]

Thank u and it can for sure

[@IngerLokke]

Leave dont stay like me go pack youre things and leave and dont GO BACK

[@ericfreshcorn3590]

Hi

[@bla2220]

The final straw for me and my 20 plus years of marriage. Was when I tried to have a discussion with my wife about the lack of sex. She told me to go find a mistress. And she meant it.

[@EdmondHicksHicks]

I was told it was over nothing to save, so I'm not going to kiss ass time to think about me

[@lizzylee3875]

I think my bf is selfish when he complains about frequency. he is pressuring me all the time. Ive brought up how Important emotional intimacy is in a relationship and he thinks it's me asking to much. Always about his satisfaction not about mine.

[@MaryJoRapini]

Liszt, please see a counselor. It will help so much; a feeling of rejection will be minimized and understanding increased.

[@tachannel4497]

Hes not giving you emotional because youre being stiff and boring in the bedroom

[@Tony-cy6ug]

I feel like I've been compared to to her passed lover's, guess I'm not good enough!

[@stephanielov5828]

Mine is the opposite, my husband does not want sexual intimacy with Me! We don't have any type of intimacy really anymore. I seem to be too 'vanilla' for him. So he would rather not have it at all than to have it with me. I have tried soooo many different things he wants and I'm still not what he wants. Then I am compromising who I am. I just don't get it. We had the best "friendship" and got along awesome.. and that's what's killing me!!! We do not have sex at all, now we don't even talk, as she said just pass in the night. I am so hurt! Devastated! and feel completely rejected all the time. He still wants to stay married and does all types of things for me all them time. I am so confused!! Well not really he just keeps me there as to not go through with a divorce! Which seems like my only option to have a loving marriage the I want! Any advice is truly appreciated. Thank you.

[@Lacuna1122]

You can get a divorce, not smart though, as women hit the dating scene, find a lot of men that will pump and dump you.

[@ElimEx1]

If he hasn't divorced you, it's because he loves you. If he didn't, he'd leave. If it means that much to you, force the conversation. Put your foot down, find a good couple's counselor or sex therapist and force him there. Just, be prepared for a very difficult conversation and to be hurt if he does decide to open up.

[@Billy-the-Kid]

Does he suffer any medical condition? Did you go overweight? Do you ever initiate intimacy or only do the starfish?

[@michaelb2279]

He probably just doesn't want to lose 60% of his sh*t and have to pay you outrageous alimony forever while he has to live out of his car. Ask me how I know...

[@808Motorrad]

You don't hit a dog with a steak. Sex should never be used as a weapon. If you aren't giving someone the sex they need; they'll find it somewhere else.

[@SuryaAshte]

Just waiting for my kid to grow up after that I will separate and moveon to fulfill my dreams of travel and help animals cause Im done with toxic humans.

[@wLBlue]

Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp...the women have no issues in the beginning and or with new partners...but the 1 that commits and has kids with her...major issues...women do better...please

[@americanpatriot4080]

10 plus years in a sexless marriage, we are roommates only.

[@trevordaviesable]

Just don’t see each other too often.

[@Goat67]

I haven't had any affection from my wife in over 24 years.

[@Painnazzautorepair]

If she dont want me...bye life to short marriage to waste time plus everyone has desires an if not witb u then chances r its elsewhere...

[@leebroyles7654]

Had to stop at the part where you said couples argue about how much sex to have in a week!😂 how about once a month if you are lucky

[@frankroy9423]

If i ever get into another relationship and get cut off. The next day there will be someone new in my bed. It won't happen again.

[@vira1340]

Sexual rejection should not lead to lower self esteem. It just means your partner is a piece of S***t who has reneged on their marriage vows. You have every reason to get sex outside the relationship without any guilt or shame. It is not your problem it is your partner's problem.

[@nea273]

So, sex isn't hard science?

[@herculesespanta296]

It means you've been cheated

[@jimwhalen9984]

I told my wife before we got married, if you stop giving me sex, I WILL get it somewhere else! I mean what I say..

[@RadenVijaya]

If you want sex, don't get married. If you want to lost your right, get married 😂

[@alexkatsanos8475]

Agree therapy is good. I’ve read enough stories on both sides his and hers. These things may seem obvious…The man may not give her the safety a woman needs in different ways and the woman begins to lose respect. Children can change things too. Openness and communication will give you a better chance. Most guys won’t and then they are caught by surprise later. They just ignored the signs.

[@rosyapplekitchen635]

So true

[@susan9188]

There are plenty of room mate marriages, and mostly when the man brings the subject up the woman closes down the conversation, so they give up. You get one, short life. Kids are more resilient than you think. So either divorce or stay in a marriage with no affection or physical closeness. So the wives shouldn't be surprised if their husbands have an affair!

[@IngerLokke]

Then you need to leave

[@IngerLokke]

And he had other womans too i find in his computer nasty..

[@IngerLokke]

Im happy I finally packed his things and take it out of my home..and move on in life..

[@IngerLokke]

So please leave if youre spouse not want sex with you...then they are unfaithful or have extreme problems in the head bec THIS IS NOT NORMAL

[@erikn54]

My wife has rejected me so many times I have lost interest in having sex with her. I dont want to feel she is mercyfu…cking so I rather keep her out of my sexlife nowadays. The only time I get turned on is when it is impossible to have sex like when we are in a hurry. Then it it safe to want her because we cant have sex anyway.

[@spitfirekid1]

Don’t settle for an unhappy life. Do everything you can to save your marriage, but if it doesn’t work out start over and look for someone who appreciates you.

[@Hhbdr]

Therapists are not possible for the majority of us anymore. Have ya looked at your prices?

[@MXZFreek]

Stop saying one person doesn’t want sex……. ITS ALWAYS THE WOMAN!!!!!!!! For F sakes

[@AMC-Challenge]

No it's not!

[@AfterLife-t8c]

Rip off the band aide. It is going to happen anyway, so you might as well get a divorce lawyer and get it over right away.

[@OldSmellerFeller]

Best way for a wife to feel disconnected, is to disconnect. Eventually, you will be ignored replaced by beer, the game,the bar or another. Yes, he will withdraw, for sure. Oh , the grass is never greener if you arr the problem ladies.

[@richardcranium5839]

if you need a therapist to know how to feel what to say you need more than a therapist. therapists prey on the weak to make a living move on