How Sexual Rejection Hurts Your Marriage

[@mulyanti2218]

I’m a wife. And now i always rejected by my husband. Such a hurt feelings😢💔

[@melkerner]

Wife decided we will never have sex again, never be intimate again, stated she doesn't see what the big deal is about sex. Withdrawal started 15 years ago, became increasing less and less - no affection, no kissing, no holding, no touching - replaced by dogs, kids and cell phone - add perimenopause and total denial of stated lack of sexual feelings and we are at an impasse. I am going to counseling, but lip from her so far, agrees we will - but no effort from her, insists I need to go to counseling for anger (who wouldn't be frustrated and angry after withholding for years). It's not just the act of sex, there is NO intimacy. She has starved me out. I have expressed all of these associated feelings and just continue to be dismissed and feelings used against me as a defense. Any outburst or display of frustration is used to further reject and distance.

[@ElimEx1]

Same from my wife but I decided to give up first. It's definitely a dead marriage emotionally as well. Been 6 years. Best decision I have ever made! No more anger, resentment or contempt. I'm free! We even got our own bedrooms and it's peaceful and there's a lot less stress. We can live our lives and take care of our kids. And as a fearful avoidant person, the constant rejection before, during and after intimacy was killing me.

[@toadman5184]

She sounds checked out. If it was me, I'd start making an exit plan. You only get one life, and it's yours to live. First though, you have to work out what you really want in a partner, and make a plan to get it, with or without her. If she's not meeting your needs, let her know this. Do it calmly without talking about her. Tell her what you need in a partner to be happy and satisfied, and that if she is unwilling or unable to provide that then you are going to find it elsewhere. Women are repelled by 'need' in a man - sad as it is. They respond better to rejection and indifference. So give her a taste of her own medicine and have the stones to replace her. Actually, don't even bother talking to her. You're 15 years deep into this. Work on yourself, make a plan for a new life going after what you want. Grey-rock that cold hearted cow, and build the life you actually want. To quote the late, great Steve Jobs: “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

[@MaryJoRapini]

I am so proud of you for going to therapy. I am not sure what she will choose but with therapy I believe you will choose your next step wisely. Good luck!

[@melkerner]

I am so glad I found you.@@MaryJoRapini

[@meeraom2522]

What if person is woman and has no earning

[@TheLegend-uq1gz]

If you have to go to counseling to get your spouse to sleep with you, trust me, it will be a pity sex & you will need more counseling for each pity sex you get. Solution: decide to accept it as it is or get out. Period.

[@IngerLokke]

@@TheLegend-uq1gz yes you need to leave

[@IngerLokke]

Dont stay like me..find someone who is good to you

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

Uhhh that is soooo true. Learned it on a hard way! And all I thought when I get it, it was a pitysex, or that I raped him!

[@maria83faure]

Fact

[@IngerLokke]

@@TheLegend-uq1gz amen yes not good with shitty sex offfff

[@auggies]

Rejected on our wedding night, she relented on night two. She really had no interest till she wanted kids. I made a commitment to the kids, told her im gone once they are adults. That was forty years ago. The second child was born with cromasone damage and need me to there for him. He died last week at age fifty. A week later she reminded me of what i said. I told her its to late to start over, ill stay. How many men have sacrificed themselves in this way.

[@reemasujith9859]

My heart goes out to u..it's an enormous sacrifice which will definitely be honoured and rewarded...especially because you chose to stay..

[@thevloglife5899]

It's so sad

[@EdmondHicksHicks]

Sorry to hear that 😕 but excuse me for saying, that's fucked up, that's the most important night, you express your love for one another, she better pray that that negative attitude is going to back fire in her face, think about yourself and mental wellness, separate for awhile

[@MrModamanReviews]

If your partner doesn't want to be intimate with you, then it's time to divorce. Therapy won't work with a person who doesn't love you. I've seen so many comments from people who have gone years or even decades without having sex with their spouse. Why are they still together? You don't get married to have a roommate.

[@TP-vu3tc]

Limited thinking

[@stephenyoho148]

Can't afford a divorce

[@ez-g3090]

​@@stephenyoho148learn Spanish and run away to Mexico.

[@IAmTheEggMan111]

Yes. Just leave. Life is too short to tolerate that kind of treatment

[@zeersa4089]

Guys, please don’t beg for sex, no one should ever have to, it’s a very humiliating. If your wife withholds sex even after talking about it, simply LEAVE

[@fallon7616]

What about the wives? 😢

[@soup41]

​@@fallon7616 you too! You should leave too! You want your memories on your deathbed to be "and I left this world feeling like a good, unwanted, unworthy, disrespected, wife. Whose desires didn't deserve a second glance". You deserve better. You're not failing a marriage for leaving it, you're failing yourself for staying.

[@goldknox9629]

Always best to work it out if married. Honor your vows

[@alfredogarcia3190]

You are absolutely right Do not beg for sex , move on There are plenty of ladies willing to be intimate with you.

[@inspire3976]

So true, trying to talk about it still feels like begging,,, mostly the party refusing feels like their cheating on the one they love who is the one their infatuated with,,, leaving them gives them a first hand experience with karma... They find it exciting cause it's illicit and juggling behind your back,,, remove yourself the fun seizes and you get a better responsive partner

[@SantiagoVeraLoor]

When you are starved from sex ofcorse your going to think about it. My wife denies me all the time but before she married she didn't have a problem with sex

[@pistache28]

Great video that explains perfectly what I have experienced with my wife! She stopped being a wife for 6 years and it was extremely difficult to bear. Now, I am distant and I don't want her.

[@teresaorr7991]

My partner literally will get himself off without even involving me. I mean there’s reasons atm why we can’t have sex, but I told him that when he gets off, to let me know so it gets me off etc. he literally is like omg babe I’m so tired from work. I’m just at my wits end and I’m hurting

[@nobodyknows3180]

Looking back on my marriage, my wife didn't want me buying nice clothes for myself (I worked in construction, wore nothing but grubby work clothes, and owned 1 suit for church, that's it), didn't want me focusing on my own hobbies or interests, didn't want me having friends or any social life outside the house, didn't want me focusing on improving my looks or physical fitness - I realized later on in life that she didn't want me to be attractive to any other women - she must have realized that if I realized I had the potential to develop better options ELSEWHERE, I'd be gone.

[@palindrome06]

She seems very insecure. Unfortunately there are so many women like that.

[@urbanart7325]

I never rejected my wife's sexual advances. Honestly, she never made any sexual advances even while dating. After 20 years of no sex- divorce

[@UL789]

Some patience bro😢

[@1111fairy]

I asked him to skip church on our 7th anniversary to be intimate. He lectured and shamed me about how selfish/thirsty i was to make that more important than worship. That was the end of my desire and our relationship died shortly after.

[@ez-g3090]

Good to hear that it's happening to a woman instead of a man. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[@palindrome06]

If my partner rejects me that means I have every right to satisfy my own needs outside. I'd let her know and I would feel no remorse at all.

[@Tony-cy6ug]

Been married 30 years, she said if we never have sex again she's ok with that! She had multiple partners before me...

[@SammifromMiami]

@Tony-cybug, I've heard the same thing come out of my wife's mouth

[@brucek6563]

We haven't been intimate for almost 7 years!!! When I ask her if we'll ever be intimate again she says she doesn't know. That means no!!!

[@Youngone78]

Hey! Woman here. It’s been 9 for me. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too. Just thought I’d share from a woman in the same position. How do you honestly handle it? I’ve never cheated in my life, but this is the first time, I can say it has been on my mind a lot! Can you share how you deal? Again, I’m sorry, and I totally understand.

[@brucek6563]

@@Youngone78 I know she isn't cheating, and neither have I. There's really nothing I can do. I used to take care of myself, but that only works for so long. I guess you can say I just except it. It makes me sad, but what can I do?

[@stephenyoho148]

​Maybe you and I could hookup

[@stephenyoho148]

Maybe you and I could hookup ​

[@TheLegend-uq1gz]

You may need to buy yourself a Deal Dough. OR file for divorce.

[@edgarbolden5742]

I was IN RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN WITH KIDS FOR FIVE YEARS AND SHE REJECTED SEX FROM ME. I AM GLAD I DIDN'T MARRIED HER BECAUSE I ALREADY WAS IN SEXLESS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER

[@rezinatornz]

What you have discussed here in this video is exactly what my wife and I have gone through especially in the last 2 decades of our 4 decade plus marriage.. As a husband and father of children all grown adults now.. Have found the the menopausal stage of life has been hard on us both.. Neither of us not being emotional intelligent enough to deal with it more positively? And now she has left the home and has been gone for months already. I feel she's felt this way for many years! Going back ward's and forwards in and out of our marriage.. I've tryed to tell her my feelings and thing's just go bad! Apart from other issues in our marriage this is where we are right now. I've invited her to come and talk about our situation.. But sadly no response... Thank you for putting this out there i really appreciate it a lot.. With Regards Stephen...

[@EnemyAce88]

I've had "the talk" several times now. It doesn't help. "It's not you. It's me. I'll do better. I promise." But then nothing changes. I get the dead starfish about once a month if I'm lucky. The rest of the time she's either too tired or has her face buried in her phone. She doesn't care about conversation or connection with me either. If not for my son I would have filed for divorce a long time ago.

[@elguapo7754]

Such a "marriage" must be ended and a court must be fought to determine the guilt of the person refusing. A marriage without sex is not a marriage and someone decides about that. Write in the comments whether anyone has managed to rebuild sex in a marriage after a break lasting, for example, 5 years. I bet no one. The fact that a man tolerates such behavior is simple information for a woman. I am the one in charge in the marriage and if he tolerates it, he will tolerate anything. Add to that a bit of manipulation... She only feels contempt precisely because you tolerate it. This advice from various "therapists" is worthless.

[@Kittyququmber]

Excellent video…. Well summarized.

[@IngerLokke]

Leave dont stay like me go pack youre things and leave and dont GO BACK

[@BalmBeach]

Really caught my attention when you said 'how often they have sex in a week'. I'm measuring in months or years.

[@vinab7843]

Me and my husband do everything but sex. We hold hands we flirt we do date nights, say I love you everyday. He tells me I'm beautiful/sexy he touches me and I him. I tell him he's handsome or sexy etc. We do everything! But when it comes to intercouse or any sexual act he doesn't want to. I don't know what to do we haven't been married for 3 years yet. Ive asked him and he does have an issue with ED but I feel he's not trying his best to figure out why. He will try something one or 2 times and if it doesn't work he gives up and feels defeated. I'm trying to understand but this I the only issue that he is not willing to get resolved. I'm at a loss!

[@daviddeck8509]

I suspect he may be gay… even if he has ED he can at least give you head etc. Best of luck I hope I’m wrong and things get back on track ❤

[@hennaaaa32]

Same

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

Feel the same way, he rejects me the same way, only thing is that he has premature ejaculation after 2-3 of ins and outs, and he is done.

[@vinab7843]

@@xdxdxdxd4575 I'm so sorry :(

[@vinab7843]

@@hennaaaa32 I'm sorry!💔

[@edwizard62]

Thank you Mary Jo

[@charlessmarr7107]

Thank you for a startling insight. I had forgotten about all the dismissal, avoidance and downright insults that were there long before the total sexual rejection. How do you get back that person who now treats you worse than a stranger. And how do you find the resolve to keep trying?

[@rubenpereal.9906]

11 years in a sexless marriage. Actually I see her as my roommate 😔

[@jeromemorgan4928]

I understand my brother, I am going through the same thing.

[@McD-j5r]

The sexual rejection can hurt one of the partners, and if it were not like that, it would hurt the other pair. Sometimes, sex is essential for the other and not as much for the other. Sometimes, an individual develops through the years to mature as a gray or semi-sexual and becomes a celibate.

[@alexkatsanos8475]

Agree therapy is good. I’ve read enough stories on both sides his and hers. These things may seem obvious…The man may not give her the safety a woman needs in different ways and the woman begins to lose respect. Children can change things too. Openness and communication will give you a better chance. Most guys won’t and then they are caught by surprise later. They just ignored the signs.

[@rosyapplekitchen635]

So true

[@jaytan915]

Thanks for discussing the subject. Basically, husbands and wives have sex. We tend to conflate that with other things like passion, emotional connection, family responsibilities, household chores division etc. I suspect that the grief for the lack of sex in marriage could be related to issues of rejection and abandonment.

[@Tony-cy6ug]

We've never discussed it!!

[@stephenyoho148]

If you did it would be your fault

[@GeorgeChildress-p5c]

Truth be told exactly

[@ark.0616]

When one person or both of the couple doesn’t get intimate that means they’re not emotionally connected anymore and it also fair not to pretend and force yourself still sleep with them . Physical intimacy can only be done when two people connected emotionally,mentally and spiritually. It’s better not to sleep together if you will just pretend having a good time while he / she is touching you because it’s very unfair for the other partner who is still invested in the relationship sad to say . That is why I don’t understand why people can sell their bodies and able to sleep with other people where love is not there or not present . Sometimes I just pondering how can you even feel the excitement of having a lovemaking to a person who just pay you and love was not even existed to strangers ? or how can you be in a relationship with physical intimacy knowing both of you doesn’t have the chemistry anymore …?

[@ElimEx1]

Because sex and intimacy are not related. It is a historical fallacy to imply that it has always been so. It's actually only in the past 60 years or so that they started to be wrongly coupled together. Sex is sex, love is love.

[@rosyapplekitchen635]

I agree with you. A women can keep having sex at the start of a relationship but unless she feels loved as time goes on she will completely go off sex.

[@lorishu48103]

Or they have a health issue , mental health issue , hormonal issue or a med side effect . Can’t force libido but the rejection is what is hurtful I agree .

[@elguapo7754]

@@rosyapplekitchen635 If I stop having sex, I WILL DEFINITELY stop being loved

[@scottnadrie]

What about when the other partner feels neglected and ignored and takes care of 90% of responsibilities in household, Hubby is bipolar and has a bad back, but I feel, I'm responsible for his health and medicine,.he won't go to chiropractor, or do things with me and kids. When he gets rejected, throws a fit amd threatens to cheat. I'm overwhelmed with everything! He works Graveyard, so he comes home.amd sleeps all day, I work during the day and deal with kids.

[@stephanielov5828]

Mine is the opposite, my husband does not want sexual intimacy with Me! We don't have any type of intimacy really anymore. I seem to be too 'vanilla' for him. So he would rather not have it at all than to have it with me. I have tried soooo many different things he wants and I'm still not what he wants. Then I am compromising who I am. I just don't get it. We had the best "friendship" and got along awesome.. and that's what's killing me!!! We do not have sex at all, now we don't even talk, as she said just pass in the night. I am so hurt! Devastated! and feel completely rejected all the time. He still wants to stay married and does all types of things for me all them time. I am so confused!! Well not really he just keeps me there as to not go through with a divorce! Which seems like my only option to have a loving marriage the I want! Any advice is truly appreciated. Thank you.

[@Lacuna1122]

You can get a divorce, not smart though, as women hit the dating scene, find a lot of men that will pump and dump you.

[@Tony-cy6ug]

I feel like I've been compared to to her passed lover's, guess I'm not good enough!

[@xdxdxdxd4575]

I am a woman, and my husband is the witholder. Everything is perfect, but he doesn't want to have sex with me. I tryed to communicate with him , but no response. Everything is good according to him. He wants no therapy, because there is no problem, and if we have, "we can solve it together", no need another person. But when I try to speak, he goes away (as he did it in the last few years), and says, nothing is wrong. I would be into anything, or at least I would try, but he shares nothing, like he would have no desires and needs. But I think premature ejacularion is part of the problem, and majbe he watches corn (I just don't know, he watched before me).

[@Lacuna1122]

He finds porn preferable to sex with you

[@zapszapper9105]

hoarding junk so you can't open doors, getting and then maxing out credit cards, not initiating any touch at all, refused sex with me for 15 years a18 years of marriage Refuses any conciliating or marriage courses What should I do? Don't want to end a 33yr marriage..?

[@klamb9]

I've had none in 44 years and I am at my wits end. Ask her if she won't sleep with you then who does she want you to sleep with?

[@stephenyoho148]

Leave

[@lizzylee3875]

I think my bf is selfish when he complains about frequency. he is pressuring me all the time. Ive brought up how Important emotional intimacy is in a relationship and he thinks it's me asking to much. Always about his satisfaction not about mine.

[@MaryJoRapini]

Liszt, please see a counselor. It will help so much; a feeling of rejection will be minimized and understanding increased.

[@tachannel4497]

Hes not giving you emotional because youre being stiff and boring in the bedroom

[@IngerLokke]

Then you need to leave

[@checkmate9111]

99.9% the wife stops.

[@EdmondHicksHicks]

I was told it was over nothing to save, so I'm not going to kiss ass time to think about me

[@roccomiller2647]

Can anyone help me understand how to find a sex therapist/coach/guide? Ive noticed lots of therapist list it in their skills, but is it a specific title? What should i google to find someone? I feel weird calling placesto ask…. Ya know, sensitive to rejection at the moment

[@Gbolas1989]

Unless u have lived though this no therapist has no idea what your going though...they cant relate to u if they haveñt lived though it!!!

[@stephenyoho148]

Best thing you can do is just leave save yourself a lot of grief move on this is a voice of experience I stayed way to long best not to ever get married it will just break your heart

[@lauraboyes6345]

What if I have repeatedly explained to my partner that there is a lack of emotional connection - Am I still the selfish one? Not to mention the "guilt" of not feeling sexual interest. Don't attack the low interest partner - the reason they have low or no interest is because of abuse of one type or another from the male partner demanding/wanting sex!!

[@MaryJoRapini]

Laura, it is much deeper than that. Most partner’s that don’t want sex are struggling with personal intimacy issues, hormonal changes, resentment or anger. You can’t blame your partner. Each of you have to look in the mirror and deal with your emotional and physical issues causing a loss of libido . It takes two to reconnect emotional intimacy.

[@lucylo818]

Exactly…

[@Yoshiecatattck]

You’re both selfish

[@goldknox9629]

Yes,you are selfish. Sometimes we do things for people we love. I'm sure your husband doesn't like doing many chores or work. You can give him a hand job or sec if you love him and aren't selfish

[@dogdude2457]

I would ask you how often he is asking and how often you are rejecting him? Imagine being told by your man, on a consistent basis... " I'm tired, I don't want too, is that all you think about?" Makes a man feel very unattractive and unwanted by the person he has chosen to be with for the rest of his life.

[@TP-vu3tc]

Deal with it

[@persephonemaeve2704]

Sorry but I’m so grossed out by men wanting sex all the time. So glad I’m single at this age and not being pestered.

[@ReyesRP]

The male brain has 2.5X more space devoted to sex than the female brain and 25 to 100X more testosterone. That is normal. The error is thinking that our brains are the same and that men are just hairy women behaving badly.

[@laughteraddict1003]

Let whoever you date know this and save them the heart ache and yourself the disappointed.

[@persephonemaeve2704]

@@laughteraddict1003 I don’t date at all.

[@stephanie7572]

You haven't met the right person. It's like someone saying they hate dogs barking and jumping on them...when they see the right puppy in the window they forget about that.

[@Tim-AlexPowell]

​@@persephonemaeve2704good

[@stevestephens1673]

Stay single men hit it and move on women only want your money do not get emotionally involved you will be better off

[@mjaybee]

Sound advice