How the Core Wound of the Fearful Avoidant Ruins their Relationships

[@noneya703]

As a FA, I agree this is probably the most painful attachment style to have. We are normally decent human beings but I can see how FA traits can come off as ugly and ultimately destructive.

[@jaredvaughan1665]

I theorize the fearful avoidant is the most likely to be described as the narcissist. Who pedestalizes (anxious) then discards (avoidant).

[@carrievaleriaalvarez2198]

Or maybe as borderline. It's easy to throw labels around but the FA is actually likely to have cPTSD, with a strong 'fawn' trauma response. Hypervigilance, people-pleasing. Which build up resentment which then boils over as a 'fight' trauma response.

[@Wraith1Alpha]

I wouldn't necessarily say narcissist. FAs bounce back and forth between yes and no, hence disorganized. It may seem like they sometimes display narcissistic behavior, but a lot of this is that flip-flop indecision being triggered by past traumas and patterns, so they look for the easiest root to safety.

[@Chaxbs]

Please, please, please. We are throwing around the narcissist label like nothing... please, let's be informed. A wound is narcissistic in nature. Anyone enacting a wound will show narcissistic behaviour traits!!! But that doesn't mean that the whole character is organised in that way! There are many different theories, but I have also heard anxious attachment being closer to narcissistic acting (jimmy in relationships). Let's inform ourselves before we claim stuff, let's go...

[@joeblack4883]

Wow. That's a lot to take in. But this video resonates with me.

[@vixter28]

My FA has abandonment issues! He broke up with me bc of a stupid reason His perception of me not wanting to be with him NOT TRUE at all ! In his head

[@1micekic]

That's what we do. 😢 If you would like him back you would have to go for him 100 times, 99 times he will reject you (be prepared and don't give up) till that one time he will trust you. But only do it if you love him enough. If you don't it will even deepen his insecurities later. I know we are hard but we have a lot to give when we feel safe.

[@basantidevi2305]

As a kid I never had that language to assume an adult was betraying me. Guess I’m not a FA.

[@carrievaleriaalvarez2198]

A kid does not have language to articulate their situation. That's why it's traumatic and leads to a core wound. It's all subconscious

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

You see it’s videos like this, actually more so others, that make me feel sorry for them so I stick around, hoping for the best. They say the most childish things, no filter. I think they’re stuck in Peter Pan syndrome. Worst of all, they show not one iota of care for you. It’s all about them. Dr. Sarah, is it bc they WON’T or they CAN’T? I just don’t know. I’ve even once gotten the very typical avoidant “We’re not dating or together, we know each other.” And I rarely see them. It’s mostly a texting “relationship.” So they enjoy the connection safely from a distance. It’s said they wouldn’t be around if they didn’t want to be. But I’m approaching my limit. If they can’t see that no one else would be as patient and empathetic as I have been, then it truly is their loss.