How the h*** do I unmask? Unmasking autistic traits is hard!

Something that has hit me unexpectedly is that I don't actually know how to unmask because I feel like I have been ignoring my own needs for decades now and I can't tell if I am masking or not. So if I am masking, how do I start to unmask? How can I figure out what me needs are? I can't be alone in this, surely?
Thanks for reading this and watching my badly recorded video, and apologies for the captions, I'm still learning!

[@tracirex]

this is what happens to us when expectations exceed our capabilities and we dont have adequate rest or support. masking adds to the stress. you are right - intuition is a good place to start.

[@Hermitthecog]

In my own unmasking I've found that, rather than politely endure disruptive circumstances, now I just refuse to tolerate what I know from time-tested experience to be intolerable. Usually this means abruptly ending a conversation or walking away from a problematic person or situation. I already know that I have a hard limit or low threshold for those things, but now I *deliberately reject* all the "nice and good" conditioning that we are forced to internalize in exchange for acceptance; instead, I give myself the self-respect and permission to BE my autistic self in those moments. We instinctively know when to walk away, and that's the one impulse that I know I can trust to protect me from meltdown. In short, I reserve the right to preemptive refusal. 😊

[@isabellammusic]

I could understand what you were talking about when it comes to rage, I feel a lot of rage but it doesn't mean I'm always angry or threatening to people. I just have very intense emotions. I'm very calm and happy on the surface and that's part of masking. It's not safe to show all the emotions and I've suppressed them my entire life.

[@TheGreatReveal]

Yes, I have the same experiences in that it hasn't been safe to show all my emotions, and for me that's where the rage comes in because it just bubbles up and out of me - although a lot less since I've had kids because I didn't want them to experience that. This is one of the driving forces for me to address what is going for me.

[@threadripper979]

Sorry, can't help you with any real feedback, except to say you're totally beautiful.