HOW TO BECOME GOD - Crusader Kings 3 Royal Court Is A Perfectly Balanced Game With No Exploits

[@thespiffingbrit]

*Become A Knight Of Spifftopia Today! Service Guarantees Power Armor*

[@idontknoq4813]

[@judechauhan6715]

Hey Spiff, how did you get your guy to be immortal please?

[@Mingo_Slickgrin]

I would like to see Big Dave go up against King Arthur and Genghis Khan at the same time. Great video Spiff!

[@mrleisten]

[@killer-ll4pn]

*Doubt*

[@planetbob6703]

An immortal Emperor who creates the Primarchs as his own children to lead the Astartes... you’re gonna get into a civil war when Tiny Tim decides to be a bad boy...

[@thespiffingbrit]

*Tiny Tim Why are you slaying your brothers??*

[@hanswurst7047]

@@thespiffingbrit only if he is Bald... and howls at the Moon

[@debarpandutta6722]

@@thespiffingbrit oh no tim heresy

[@akramgimmini8165]

GLORY TO THE EMPEROR

[@thegoof171]

YOU taught me to Hate, Father

[@dannywatson4253]

I just love how terrified Big Dave looks the entire time. Like he has no idea why everyone is so afraid of him, he just wants to be your friend.

[@espy8406]

poor Big Dave

[@chrisschoenthaler5184]

He’s just too powerful. Tiny Tim is the only person on earth who doesn’t immediately explode if Big Dave pats him on the back.

[@ohuckabee]

The game says "Crusader Kings 3" but the single knight taking out hundreds of foot soldiers says "Dynasty Warriors."

[@angelodewit2197]

Trueeeee

[@KainYusanagi]

Nah, you can only say that when it reaches the thousands. ;P

[@tigerwarrior1787]

*Pulls up Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, and Lu Bu* Someone called?!

[@Grauer1510]

@@KainYusanagi honestly: killing 1000+ enemies in a single battle in DW is more the exception then the rule 😅 Unless u camp spawn points for like 10 minutes 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@KainYusanagi]

@@Grauer1510 In the earliest DWs, yeah, because there you only get so many entities on screen at once; in fact, the counter for kills actually capped out in the early entries at 999, as I recall. Later entries (I think around 4 that the change happened?) had a lot more models on the field, so it was much easier to rack up over a thousand, and the cap was also increased to 9999.

[@Quesadilla_God]

Fun fact: Ancient Viking Elephants didn’t actually have horns on their helmets!

[@____________838]

Indeed. Tusks are not horns.

[@AverageFitnessEnjoyer]

Viking and elephants. Perfectly balanced as always

[@maththegreat2266]

That are makin som moneytoessss

[@dirtycasual3094]

Take out the "and".. 😉😎

[@nikitclaw8763]

So Norscans essentially

[@TheArklyte]

Well, horse can't swim with rider on top. So elephants are far better mount for amphibious landings;)

[@ed-b8045]

*'As it should be' not 'as always'

[@hello_i_exist9909]

Honestly, I would absolutely *love* to see a series where you conquer the world and what wacky shenanigans you can get up to while doing so. I wouldn't even need new exploits in any of the episodes- Just keep on doing this :D

[@m4dm3th0d]

The logical step is to March into Rome, and do what Hannibal's elephants could not

[@skoshman1]

Hannibal's elephants weren't powered by tea.

[@jasonzhou8274]

@@skoshman1 The only good response:

[@foxdavion6865]

Indian-Norse is the most broken hybrid culture in the game; I figured this out day one of the DLC/Update release. Also when you combine the culture's clothing they look like Klingons. Very apt.

[@sephelutis]

At that point you’re just playing divine spirits from Fate you aren’t even human anymore

[@VarangianGuard13]

And now that you've said that, I'm picturing these hypothetical Indo-Norse people chanting like Klingons.. *Sons of Kahless intensifies*

[@lordofspades9222]

21:30 Spiff- "I have never had a crusade called against me before." Me remembering my 40 year defensive crusade as the Norse where I ate ten Popes.

[@gustavo_gamer5177]

What

[@dilavox]

i just kept schemeing every pope and next in line until they stopped, i very nearly ended up losing it close to the end of the holy war on me, but finally managed to hold on long enough to keep my lands and take a little back

[@britishneko3906]

well when you alive... people hates you

[@Darkstar1484]

how did you manage to eat 10 popes?

[@bgcloon]

@@Darkstar1484 Lots of ketchup, of course.

[@CallofDutyBlackOps28]

what i love about Spiff; is that he's basically Atilla the Hun in this bit. literally bullying; capturing high ranking people; selling them back to their kin, then using the same money to then build up and army to regrab the area and then some. you just love to see it.

[@chrisschoenthaler5184]

22:20 I love how Spiff called it the “battle of Jaffa”, but the game gave it a far more correct label of the “Slaughter at Jaffa”.

[@bubbasbigblast8563]

I was wondering why you called your knights Space Marines, since, you know, land. But then you apparently went full Thunder Warrior on your prisoners, so...yeah. Understandable.

[@Milanin8]

I went looking for this comment. But only because it was followed by a divorce

[@eddierehe9000]

Only on this channel will you find a Nordic Viking who hails from India, rides elephants and owes his allegiance to Britain. Good lord I love it

[@TheOvervoid]

"Pope we have created a grand army for the crusade. Their army is small and will be crush under the Holy might of our force" *Later* "Pope, ah, we lost. Everyone died. They killed literally everyone."

[@chrishuhn5065]

Damn overconfident zealots. Serves them right. How dare they to go against the lovely elephants?

[@r2020E]

@@chrishuhn5065 nah. Big Dave and Tiny Tim just slaughtering everyone. They're gods. The puny mortals don't stand a chance

[@inzecar5916]

@@r2020E Now that's some heresy

[@setcheck67]

Not really that far from the real crusades tbh. Saladin won because they marched their force into the middle of the desert to die, I'm especially impressed in that regards with the supply line failures in this game also.

[@Cyricist001]

Isn't that what basically happened when the Normans conquered Sicily and the Pope send an army against them, only for the army to annihilated and the Pope taken prisoner?

[@nikkomcgee2565]

I love the quick tab away at 18:48 to hide the mass amount of murdered prisoners

[@Ragetiger1]

Yes, we need to see Big Dave conquer the entire world. It shall be GLORIOUS

[@ecklipz3364]

yes glorious indeed

[@blackmoon7668]

Reanu Keeves is there to stop him though.

[@ecklipz3364]

@@blackmoon7668 oh no I forgot about him, it seems like big Dave will have some competition with a fellow tea drinker

[@wolf2403]

Every. Single. City. Then watch as Tiny Tim stages a revolt.

[@Wizard_Pepsi]

Spiff: Casually creates an army that defeats the entirety of Egypt in a few weeks. Me: Ah yes, perfectly balanced.

[@anon2447]

I mean jesus created a bearded hobo who sort of did the same thing, Egypt are noobs

[@Wizard_Pepsi]

@@anon2447 Are you referring to Moses? Moses was born several decades before Jesus, so listing God would be more time accurate. If you're referring to someone else then good on you for knowing more about christianity than I do.

[@____________838]

@@Wizard_Pepsi decades?

[@Wizard_Pepsi]

@@____________838 Maybe a few millennia. I don't know the exact dates.

[@ComicalRealm]

This game is The Sims for historical strategy games. It reinvents old ideas and also introduces new ones

[@DBT1007]

Hmmm🤔

[@AxxLAfriku]

Me the ALPHA M*LE of this comment section and me command RESPECT. Right now me telling you to NOT observe any of me nice cool sweet videos. Instead just look at me awesome good powerful thumbnails. Thank you, dear rea

[@the_tactician9858]

@@AxxLAfriku Who gave this guy the glue stick? We all said we wouldn't do it...

[@FumblsTheSniper]

One of these days I’ve gotta learn about whatever Viking/pirates they had south of Asia during all the European shit. I can only assume such an effective idea took off everywhere.

[@ophidahlia1464]

Look up Zheng Yi Sao, the pirate queen of the south china sea and biggest badass east of bosphorus

[@Dreckmal01]

Was the immortality a mod, or an edited save file? Excellent video, as always Spiff. Thanks for the upload!

[@Tomlis96]

Must be a mod, just checked, there is sadly no immortality yet :(

[@EATSxBABIES]

Love how Spiff basically made Jedi and never once thought of it

[@Vytautas4Xfiles]

Oh the legends of the Davepocalyps and the adventures of Tiny-proportions are the sagas which have to be told to us as it is prophesized in the great book of the Spiff! "And thou shall behold the time of Yorkshire Tea when rivers will flow hot and Big Dave will take a sip of the water, and thou shall then hear the proclamation 'This be a glorious Teatime!' by the Big Dave." -These have been the words of the Spiff.

[@roykentseyebrows4196]

Paradox: Ok, we've patched out and nerfed all those exploits. Spiff: Hold my tea.

[@django8888]

I would love to see this series conquer the whole map!!

[@roebenjaminpeled2705]

Knights are super op from the new royal courts update. Just ask gangis khan (or temujin khan, to be precise) how he's invasions for my anglo-norse-han viking colony in china went.

[@PeterTeal77]

"Temujin Khan" is like saying "Octavius Princeps". Temüjin was his name and Genghis Khan his title.

[@roebenjaminpeled2705]

@@PeterTeal77 I forgot he's family name

[@RobertOSheaGameDev]

Ya know, I was adamant I was not going to press the like button today but clearly that bait and switch *chef's kiss* beautiful lol

[@rael7298]

To add to your knight build, have the monasticism tenent (and optionally Monastic Communities tradition), than just pump out heaps of kids. Sons that you don't want to inherit can take the vows, but can still serve as knights if you have warmonger/armed pilgrims. Hopefully, a few of these warrior monks do well in their martial training. Matrinilial marry your daughters to unlanded guys with high prowess.

[@embreis2257]

is polygamy a thing? you become a breeding machine and matchmaker. instant superarmy^^

[@hexmech1893]

So basically a space marine

[@mikeb8674]

I saw Marching Stompy Boys open for Soundgarden back in ‘96, just after they released “Unkillable.” Really underrated show.

[@Stevonicus]

If you culturally merge with the Mongols could your elephants get even stronger from the cav bonuses?

[@cottoncandy3577]

No. As Paradox changed MaA types. Elephants are no longer "Heavy Cavalry" but "Elephant Cavalry". Meaning the only building that will boost the stats of the Elephants is the elephantry building (which can only be build in Jungles). Also meaning that culture boni that boost Archer Cav (which is also new because Horse Archers being classified as Skirmishers was stupidly overpowered too), Light Cav and Heavy Cav don't effect elephants anymore since the release of Royal Court. So the only Culture boni that could possibly help your elephants are: "Lords of the Elephant" and the other indian Elephant culture trait that I forgot the name of. ^^ But the MaA are still broken. So don't worry, Paradox trying to fix it literally did nothing. Well in Singleplayer at least. Tho, if you don't prepare for a MaA Doomstack in Multiplayer, it will be impossible for you to win. Even with preparation, it would cost you a LOT of gold to build up an MaA counter army, and the corresponding Buildings in your domain to even stand a chance. (Probably around 20-30k Gold depending on what MaA you need. And most people won't have that lying around in Multiplayer anyways.)

[@barriath8841]

@@cottoncandy3577 The stupid thing about horse lords is that they don't even give you a bonus to your own fucking horse bow units xD The game is kinda weird like that. Some units are just plain and simply useless and don't need to be brought at all. Hell, you can clearly see it here that as long as your knight effectiveness is high enough and you got a lot of knights with decent prowess (culture tradition talent search is OP in that regard), it's GG.

[@lorenzmaut3708]

This remembers me of that game called "total war: three kingdoms" were there were warriors that could kill the entire enemy army, like in seconds 5 dudes on horses eliminated 200 archers and there was no way to stop that because they had a lot of health and did area damage that means the enemy is dead before they can hit the horse. compleatly broken, i don't want to imagine PVP in this game because of this.

[@clericofchaos1]

I still can't get over the squirrel. I swear i've seen him before...Wait! Could it be!? Yes, it's Sir Admiral Hammy Ham the 14th! No, it can't be, when last we left Sir Admiral Hammy Ham he was leading the queen's military on an intergalactic conquest. Perhaps this wonderful being, riding the elephant and holding an axe is an ancestor of the legendary admiral!? Hammy Ham the first perhaps!? Ah yes, the birth of an epic military heritage that will overcome the challenge of time of space itself!

[@thespiffingbrit]

Only true fans remember sir admiral hammy ham :D

[@TrueChaoSclx]

Wow, that's a throwback. I'd completely forgotten about that video, time to rewatch it

[@clericofchaos1]

@@thespiffingbrit Thank you for saying so Spiff. Sir Admiral Hammy Ham and Glitterhoof (immortal ambassador to the moon gods) are basically my two favorite characters of all time.

[@TheRealGamada]

Can I have a link to the video please ?

[@clericofchaos1]

@@TheRealGamada KZbin doesn't like people posting links, but it's his galactic civilization 3 video.

[@OrgangeJus]

WTF Hahahahahaha the game play is insane but the narration is just a freaking perfect cherry on top and that's a massive cherry I am talking about! Great video!

[@hunterhudgins4473]

I've been watching Spiffing brit since 2019. I listen to this content as a Semi driver. Just listening to the content; is all I need for entertainment!

[@sebbes333]

1:29 Mongolian Elephant Vikings... :D

[@how_arya]

Why get a trophy wife when you can have a stewardship yeeter?

[@thespiffingbrit]

The Perfect Waifu Material

[@yickett]

I appreciate the effort you took to inform which part of the video corresponds to what is happening

[@serl3zykn1ght71]

13:20 That dude died of a heart attack from being so OP

[@jackielinde7568]

Spiffing: I believe the phrase used to describe your standard (the banner) is "Axe Wielding Squirrel astride a rampaging war elephant across Mr. Peterson's Yard". That's either the descriptive phrase or the headline in tomorrow's paper.

[@sanctus864]

You ought to do a video on longbows. With the right duchy buildings and camps you can get their attack up to 150 or more. Add that to their stupid cheap maintenance and it's an easy gg for the welsh or english.

[@CobraRoyality]

Pope: We have an army! Big Dave: And we have Tiny Tim

[@kazegaijin]

Your CK3 content is hands down some of my all time favorite things to watch on KZbin!!! Please do more streams and videos!!! 🙏🙏🙏

[@perizzasalem4994]

Wow spiff had telepathic or what....3 days after i installed this game and boom, this video enter my recomendation youtube👍👍

[@jamiecopland6317]

Please keep this series going! I need more ck3 and Yorkshire tea in my life

[@dylanhecker6686]

I imagine your kingdom has discovered shardblades and shardplate. You are the embodiment of the Stormlight Archive.

[@thetruegoldenknight]

I already became my OWN God in Royal Court. Even posted my review on Steam, if it's visible. It's quite lengthy, but the short of it is, I'm very disappointed my sword could not for the life of me get a legendary reputation for carving through both Britain AND France! And I was playing as an Irish viking dude.

[@Epicgirl368]

He isn’t making space marines he’s making adeptus custodies

[@AKidWithNoAttitude]

You did it Spiff. You beat the game. You really are the warhammer 40k.

[@zerrierslizer1]

after watching Spiff for almost 3 years i have become so powerful that the Like Button clicks itself everytime i hop on one of these videos that he makes.

[@mightyhaegr9362]

The combined might of elephants and spacemarines. That line almost cost me the last of my tea 😂😂

[@Zorgdub]

Yes, I would love to see Big Dave conquer the entire world.

[@davidburton9690]

Even unoptimized, I was able to keep a treasury of around 20K while only holding the Empire of Scandinavia and a couple of extra kingdoms. I am certain they will nerf that pick into oblivion.

[@ragenorock7346]

Try using Lenkas and Mubarizun MAA. They have insane stats and counter : spearmen/light cav + spearmen+heavy infantry. Combine with Elephants and everything dies. The only real counter to elephants becomes cold weather+mountains (or paiks - which no one outside india can have).

[@Mortemeternum]

Spif: "how are we going to make money?" Me: "Tea? Probably tea."

[@calwal6960]

Pray the viking elephant riders of House British find victory. May the Yorkshire Tea Schism be healed by the greatness of Emperor Big Dave and his massive nose 👃 🙏

[@ronakrajput2738]

Listening to spiff trying to pronounce Hindi names reminds me why Indians rebelled against the Brits.

[@mrpenguin6025]

I love when this guy uploads he’s a legend keep on going (also love big dave)

[@DBT1007]

Imagine villager from Minecraft.. 😂

[@thespiffingbrit]

who doesnt love big dave

[@mrpenguin6025]

@@thespiffingbrit yooooo he replied I’m starstruck

[@danielelkadi3499]

That was so fun to watch. Please make more stories using the same broken system.

[@d4r4mg-74]

This video was a lot more fun for me than for anyone else, since people actually call me big dave at school

[@Mr_Haddles]

I really want to see a Big Dave Conquers the Whole World video, I reckon it would have a lot of potential, and maybe even some spicy civil wars!

[@doctordonutdude]

PLEASE continue this! It's no 100-Statman, but I want more of Big Dave's adventures!

[@Valcadus]

I would love to see a completion of this playthrough, seeing the whole world claimed would be amazing

[@0mn0mable]

Oh hey, a spiff vid that isn't a twitch stream re-upload w an uncut 'start of stream intro' - good job spiff.

[@norymmk1352]

spiff does twitch :O ?? whats the name?

[@VortexKiller2]

Indian Viking Hybrids? Sounds awesome. I can picture a scene similar to The Fields of Pelennor for Lord of The Rings.

[@wardoge924]

Found this just now. You gave me inspiration to start as Viking again. Thanks

[@Nuked8915]

Welcome ladies and gentlemen, I’m the spiffing Brit and today you’ll join me in the fantastic world of Elden Ring

[@chrislaws4785]

You know, I had always wished that the Norse Viking traditions and way of life had actually spread much further then it did and had survived to this day. if only the Vikings had won and taken over Great Britain rather then assimilating into it, then maybe even America would be more Viking to this very day. lol

[@aglazeddoughnut5250]

Did... Did spiff just become the god emperor of mankind.

[@thomasechols8834]

Spiff, You should see the pantry that Colin Furze is using for the tunnel entrance to his home, completely full of Yorkshire Tea.

[@darthbob1656]

We need to see Big Dave take over the entire world. I'd like to see if he even needs the elephants or if knights with 500% effectiveness is enough.

[@procrastinationpanda3911]

20:08 "Warriors of chaos"? *HERACY*

[@1ButteryButters1]

I am glad I am not the only one that really enjoys playing as one character throughout all of history xD

[@BrahmaDBA]

Spiff raiding Mecca with an Elephant Army but winning. He's basically Abrahah without the hell birds flinging brimstones.

[@bitzangubbinzondaleft]

The Spacewolf chapter, riding elephants under the watchful eye of god emperor Big Dave. IDK too historically accurate for me.

[@adamion1993]

Love the timestamps! The video was gloriously JaZzY naturally.

[@Vaderman011]

Spiff- "If your wife isn't yeeting your stewardship up into the skies what's the point of even having her?"

[@EEEEEEEE]

E

[@ruanmaree8378]

E

[@walter9426]

E

[@good_of_pvp]

WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMMWMWMWMWM

[@KamiRecca]

E

[@thedje4407]

big dave was literally my nickname in school- i’m glad i became an immortal god

[@jmp_jayperproductions]

Spiff 2069: HOW TO BECOME IMMORTAL - Life is a perfectly balanced existence with no exploits

[@IIToneAII]

So not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but I play absolutely NONE of these games, but just love the energy you bring to breaking them... though, you actually could just be playing them well and I'd have no clue... 🤔

[@vidhanp482]

as a person from the oriya culture, its nice to feel like a viking as well

[@devin201df]

Would like to see spiff take the whole world

[@Dontgankmeplx]

I love the way Tiny Tim went from being the runt of the litter to being a one man army. Must have had quite the childhood

[@gahngis8158]

at the 15 min mark. thought, man this reminds me of the god emperor and the reunification wars... 20 secs later he talks about space marines.

[@outcast170]

Nice... Big Dave's army is so skilled, one of them shot theirself in the foot, before even the invention of the gun, and died fighting thin air. That takes some serious talent.

[@francesca5295]

- what era is this? - it's the viking era! - that explains the elephant

[@Merajito20k]

oh man, please continue this. This is godly glorious, even Kratos the literal god of war would be impressed

[@ryandwerlkotte1352]

By the gods do I love you Sir Spiff!! If only there were more perfectly balanced beings like ourselves in this universe.

[@MrJacques23]

Spiff in any video: "Anyway, it's time to go to war with France"

[@danielhale1]

Please do continue this series! Seeing the crusades crushed was fantastic. Maybe the Mongol hoards can be next!

[@mrmargen3911]

Watching Spiffing Brit while spiffing my tea is the best

[@TheOriginalDJarbiter]

For the battle against no one, where he lost one soldier, Im picturing one of his foot soldiers walking into a house and just getting stabbed by a peasant or something.

[@blessed2365]

I have been waiting for these types videos for so long thank you my fellow brit ☕

[@professorarbiter5367]

18:49 idk why thought it was so funny seeing all those executed prisoners

[@Clasteau]

LET'S GO DAVE!!!!!! I think you should just spiral around outward growing in every direction, LOL

[@AfaqueAhmed_]

Never underestimate the power of the tea drinkers .

[@Mysterialic]

That house crest is unironically sweet lol

[@sarchlalaith8836]

Also yes for more bug dave, call a crusade against the pope

[@mattjackson7950]

I just ordered my first box of Yorkshire tea and Yorkshire Gold and they should be in soon. I'm glad to be able to join the cause.

[@KapuAdam]

Spiff's favorite ways to make money (in order): Cultivating/selling tea Enslavement Gratuitous murder