How to Build Closer Friendships & Get Rid Of Loneliness

[@jjjjk1241]

I had tons of friends as long as I was the one initiating the conversations and doing the inviting. Once I decided I’m no longer going to have one-sided relationships, I have very few friends. It’s very sad. Guess I haven’t met the right people yet who are willing to give as much as they receive. I will never again chase people and push friendships in which I’m the only one making the effort. It is a two-way street.

[@MargaritaRodriguez-cj2ri]

Uhmm, sounds familiar.

[@LovinLnCottage]

So very accurate.

[@Renee_N]

Same. If I dont do it we don't get together I'm ties of it...where is the two way street

[@jjjjk1241]

@@Renee_N and forget ever leaving the ball in the other person‘s court! It never fails that if I say something like, “let me know when you’re available to get together” without actually pinning them down and setting a date, I won’t hear from them again for six months, when I’m the one that reaches out again.

[@marka2983]

I have experienced the same thing. As I tried to remove emotion & confirmation bias from the situation I realized a few things: 1. People are mostly lazy and don't want to go to the effort to create or host an event - just show up (usually late) 2. If you have a nice house, good food & drink etc, they may think that they can't compare to what you do 3. No one want to throw a party & have no one show up. They would rather avoid risking that embarrassment. 4. Most people only think of themselves. Few (if any) consider other people when they live their lives 5. Just because someone else doesn't appreciate what you have to offer, it makes it no less valuable. 6. You can't force it. People smell desperation. 7. Find something you are passionate about and that will draw the right people in to your orbit.

[@flipphone4755]

Shout out to the introverts who feel pressured to have more and deeper friendships. You’re ok the way you are. You aren’t aloof or cold or shy or any of the other labels people put on you. It’s good to be introverted and accept yourself the way you are built. For those who want more, excellent advice, Mel.

[@quinn-wf3kk]

Thank you! I'm an old gal now and haven't changed at all from my younger introvert days.

[@notbyinit3756]

101%

[@adrianacasillas5321]

❤luv this

[@AdrianaGarcia-hc3rv]

What we all need is a real social media detox and LIVE

[@vickieaguilar8434]

It’s so crazy seeing Mel, a person with a successful podcast, author and speaker, having the same feelings of being on the outside looking in just like me.

[@kayireland4156]

Massive respect to her

[@katybirdlarkin]

I love her for the exactly.that

[@melodyanderson7914]

I haven’t been on social media since 2018. It’s very liberating not knowing what others are up to. If you are not calling me or contacting me on a regular basis, I don’t need to know what you are up to.

[@dhanicollins2448]

Truth!!!

[@Srik_2024]

Same here… since 2016..

[@sarahparry1808]

I deleted Facebook about three years ago. Best thing.

[@Googirly1]

Nope no 4 ams

[@ramonaearnest4709]

I miss the old days before cell phones when friends and neighbors would just drop by randomly and you would be happy to see them and you would ask them to come in and cook for them. If there was a funeral everyone came from all around to attend the funeral and they would bring food and they would stay until they knew you were starting to heal from the loss . Many young people I know nowadays have never even attended a funeral. They feel like it's unnecessary and they don't want to deal with it. Sadly!

[@pensandoenvozalta-carmenol7820]

You´re right! When my sister died two years ago, I discovered that my cousins that were like "sisters" to us, excused themselves from not attending the funeral because they were too busy and it was a difficult season to travel, and bla, bla, bla. Now we don´t have a family, we have a family chat where everybody just send hugs and crying emojis for the people that were pillars in our lives when we were kids. Not eve a phone call, just a small "heart felt message" should suffice.

[@annekathleen4498]

I've left friends behind because I finally accepted that I deserved better. I had enough of being used and ignored. They only remembered me when they needed something. I don't need friends like that

[@genealotech]

I was once invited to a Christmas party where I was told by the host that my parents didn’t raise me correctly because I don’t throw parties and invite my neighbors. In front of a bunch of strangers. It was at that point I decided I wasn’t interested in trying to be friends with them.

[@Simone-tz9lo]

Rather the host wasn’t raised correctly by his or her parents!

[@danadickey4513]

Dum this person. They are not good enough!

[@dalehoward3704]

KEEP BEING YOU ❤

[@down30lbs]

That was only one person's opinion.

[@jackiehemingson915]

Had someone say something similar to me--but eventually came to understand they were just awkwardly expressing their own pain, in always being the only one to invite &/or having parties but then were never being invited or reciprocated in anyway in return. Had to admit to myself I hadn't been reciprocating. Tried asking her to meet for walks & offering to help w/ her parties & turned out to be a pretty good friendship in the end.

[@jennydrozd29]

I'm loving my introvert era. Wish I did it years ago! And luckily my grandma taught me as a teenager to never compare myself to others. I don't look at what others are doing and get jealous. I don't attach my value or life to what others are doing. I'm super confident I'm making the best choice to take myself out of the 'meeting new people' equation right now. When you're off, you attract the wrong people anyway. I've lived a life of people-pleasing. Now, I'm pleasing myself, and that's it! I highly recommend it.

[@ellengarcia4041]

And get out into nature!!!❤

[@christine431]

Lucky you!!

[@DonaldE.Robins]

This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@LymanB.Crosby]

I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back

[@DonaldE.Robins]

Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?

[@LymanB.Crosby]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being

[@DonaldE.Robins]

Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.

[@TheIdandan]

I'm sorry to learn about your struggle. I've been there too, and it felt like the pain will never go away. Please consider that all bad experiences subside and eventually disappear. It feels so bad because she is occupying a part of your brain (literally), so you need to give your brain tiqme to develop new patterns. Go outside, be socially and physically active, and allow yourself to grieve. It will get better.

[@dawndevilliers225]

I do solo travel, I do solo breakfasts, I do solo beach trips, I do solo everything. As it is easier and hurt less than the rejection. Eventually you give up.

[@michelleg3875]

Agreed 💯

[@bonniebeck4068]

I can’t do it.. I wish I could

[@HH-gv8mx]

I wish I was like that. I haven’t been to the movies in decades because no one ever wants to go. And I don’t go to restaurants or movies or anywhere alone unless I’m working out.

[@sandilang3845]

Me too

[@MelanieM-p4t]

​ @michelleg3875 :( Sending this out to each commenter (commentor sp?. :-)) in hope it might help. In light of the news about the dangers of loneliness that came out today, and since I've been feeling it too, seeing so many others feeling the same on here made me really sad, I'm sending this out to everyone in the comments to see if it'll help. No sales pitch, no nothing, no scam. I just care. This is my life coach's video, it's free, it's great, and I love her (and I like Mel too) but this is really good and it can help. It helped me and still is helping. It's a different approach people may not have thought of. I also messaged Laura tonight and told her about just how many people are feeling this way on here. And that I want to make it better, too! Hope this makes a difference! Here's to connection, inclusion, and friendships for everyone. instagram.com/reels/C68-YUwxF-N/

[@TLZ]

Oh forget hanging out. I cant even get "friends" to answer a text. So i stop trying. And guess what? Those people disappear. At least i know its on them and i just refocus on hanging out with my kids.

[@tinachristensen8484]

Same! It’s unbelievable that everyone has their phone on them yet they dont text back for days!

[@annastone5624]

Yep this 4am friend thing is a terrible terrible example.. who the hell had that?!!

[@annastone5624]

*has

[@ngxoxo]

@@tinachristensen8484 99% of people are so fake these days but there must be good people out there!!! the 1% !!

[@Gypsy218]

I agree. If I had an emergency I would call a family member even though I don't live near any of them. Just to talk? This feels very selfish to me to wake someone up just to talk at 4 am when they have jobs, etc. I believe I could wait till the morning to talk about something. Even then I wouldn't just assume they had free time, it's also important to value other peoples' time.

[@barbaralazier8352]

Friendship is hard work but well worth it.

[@annbanks4592]

I just listened to your video. I find it rather frustrating. I'm nearly 60 years old and single. I work a full-time job. I don't have a lot of friends because I don't have time to make friends. As a single person, I'm busy mowing my lawn, doing my laundry, cleaning my house, working out, and numerous other things that have to be done. It's a huge struggle as a single person to have friends and a social life. Most of the single people I know feel the same way. There just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. I would love to see a podcast about navigating single life. How do I work out, keep up my house, keep up my vehicle, and a dozen other things that I'm not remembering at the moment.

[@jen_81]

How about creating a singles only group (preferably same gender) in your locality?

[@acgeffert]

Finally, someone I understand!!! Absolutely true! I thought it was just me! I can never keep up!

[@heatherbruce1668]

Truth!!

[@Simone-tz9lo]

I completely understand you. A day has only 24 hours and even a week has only 168 hours. I hope that you will find at least one very good friend when you will be retired in a few years.

[@YdnickniL]

Sometimes so other thing in your life has to suffer in order to take care of yourself. Go out and meet people instead of doing the lawn or the dishes occasionally. The dishes and grass will still be there

[@precioushopeatchison]

Probably one of the most important podcasts I have heard in a long time. There are new people I want to get to know. Yet I get stuck thinking about people who feel I have ghosted. I get paralyzed. I am 70. Its time to get out. Thank you for being on the journey with us.

[@susanreinersuedahl]

"Friendship is not a group sport." Good point.

[@focusedfreebird]

No one has friends because everyone is staring into their phone living in a pretend world. Live in real life. Turn off phone. Go meet and talk to real people.

[@bridgetmenham6686]

😆 🤣 😂

[@louisagomez585]

Truth.

[@tammyrueckert]

❤​@@bridgetmenham6686

[@aubrie_morgan]

If it were that simple, more people would be doing it and Mel wouldn’t be talking about it 🤡🤡🤡

[@keith2o9]

yes but those “real people” doesnt wanna be bothered. it will be hard to find those people who do want to

[@sandilang3845]

Mel, you are amazing in so many ways, you are smart, pretty, kind, caring, compassionate, empathetic person that I enjoy your podcasts more than I can ever express.

[@Docinprocess2323]

I have a very small group of friends. They are worth all the effort I have. I lost contact with many for a while bc we all were too exhausted with our kids to have the energy to connect. I deleted all social media- made me feel insecure and unhappy. I spent any extra time I have at the gym (where I made great friends) and actually calling a friend or my family. Never been happier

[@kimousley7625]

I've spent years teaching out and trying to connect. I finally gave up and do things on my own.

[@kentuckylucky5762]

I do that no problem..but just a couple hours a week chatting at a coffee house or event would be nice

[@natashahazlett]

@@kentuckylucky5762that’s why I started Our Gathering Table! We help women find their friends through little gatherings of 6-8 women. Would love for you to join us- there’s no charge!

[@bridgetmenham6686]

Every day make sure you do one positive thing xx

[@meatdog]

I never look at Instagram or ANY other social media. I moved 2 years ago with the intention of getting a life again. I'm still "waiting". My best friend is 700 miles away, I joined a church to meet people and make friends, not happening. So I'm listening.

[@carolannstevens5814]

Ohhh Mel, I love how you are transparent, full of life, hilarious, and how you love us! I love your videos!

[@elizabeths182]

4am friend? Sounds amazing. But I have never had one of those in my life.

[@creativechristiancontent]

Same its a bit unrealistic considering the topic is about not having friends. If I had one to calk a 4am I wouldn't be watching this video.

[@rawgab4439]

Well ..I had 2 for over 40 years ....Then one got a new partner I could not stand ...Haven't heard from him in years ..the other one died

[@elizabeths182]

@@creativechristiancontent I was thinking the same thing.

[@elizabeths182]

@@rawgab4439 so sorry for your loss. Keep the good memories.

[@KelleyKim-y2y]

Me too! Never had a 4am friend too!!!

[@Jcr2446]

I stopped going on social media on my weekends and the freedom has been wonderful. My time is now my own and i am loving it. Forgot how good it felt to do my own stuff. ❤

[@catherinefeeman-fick5054]

OMG this is so me and I have really felt lost, hurt and lonely - making myself feel bad. So thank you!

[@user-vc9or5uc4x]

This is how i feel like everyone has plans all the time and i don’t

[@MelanieM-p4t]

I know how that feels, too. And who are they on their phones with 24/7? Sending this out to each commenter) in hope it might help. With the news about the dangers of loneliness that came out today, and since I've been feeling it too, seeing so many others feeling the same on here made me really sad, I'm sending this out to everyone in the comments to see if it'll help. No sales pitch, no nothing, no scam. It sounds like one to me as I write this. How do you sound sincere on these things? I don't know, I just care about people. If this can help someone, I'm sharing it. This is my life coach's video, it's free, it's great, and I love her (and I like Mel too) but this is really good and it can help. It helped me and still is helping. It's a different approach people may not have thought of. I also messaged Laura tonight and told her about just how many people are feeling this way on here. And that I want to make it better, too! Hope this makes a difference! Here's to connection, inclusion, and friendships for everyone. instagram.com/reels/C68-YUwxF-N/

[@Bdubya38]

You have no idea how much I needed this now. I've been living these lies this past year because as an at home dad I have felt like we are always the ones trying to organize something but never invited to anything. I have been living lie #2 recently feeling like we're giving off some bad vibes or my kids are unbearable to be around, which they are when I'm with them, not others, lol. Thanks for the kick in the butt...as always.

[@MelanieM-p4t]

Sending this out to each commenter in hope it might help. (And in Laura's online group - there are a bunch of men from all walks of life in our group- and it's great for them and for us, but that's a paid online thing. This is free). Sending essentially the same post to everyone on Mel's comments page because it's very time consuming to keep editing this. Lol! But I want to help and I want everyone to have access to it if it helps. I'm a little wordy, so bear with me. With the news about the dangers of loneliness that came out today, and since I've been feeling it too, seeing so many others feeling the same on here made me really sad, I'm sending this out to everyone in the comments to see if it'll help. No sales pitch, no nothing, no scam. It sounds like one to me as I write this. How do you sound sincere on these things? I don't know, I just care about people. If this can help someone, I'm sharing it. This is my life coach's video, it's free, it's great, and I love her (and I like Mel too) but this is really good and it can help. It helped me and still is helping. It's a different approach people may not have thought of. I also messaged Laura tonight and told her about just how many people are feeling this way on here. And that I want to make it better, too! Hope this makes a difference! Here's to connection, inclusion, and friendships for everyone. instagram.com/reels/C68-YUwxF-N/

[@VivianSchiedler]

my husband stay at home dad was saying the same a couple years ago .... that he was always helping other parents with their kids but very few reciprocate or invite our kid over....but it's gotten better after a few years of getting to know the other parents in our class....not sure why it takes Americans so dang long to build true friendships (comparing to Mexico)

[@LolaAileenVanslette]

Spent my entire life without friends. It sucks! I wish I could make new friends, but there's no one nearby to spend time with.

[@sallybyrd3712]

I use to try to have a lot of friends because I had a very isolated childhood. It is easy to have a lot of shallow acquaintances but I would not call them friends. When you talk with or text with a lot of people, it is easy to make the mistake of assuming that everyone that talks to you or text back actually likes you but then they deceive you or talk behind your back. I was told by a counselor that a person is lucky to have "One" good friend in a lifetime, even that is not guaranteed. I think a person has to learn "self-love" and being your own best friend. Go where people celebrate you and not just tolerate you. I have become very neutral about friendships; I don't assume anything, I don't assume that anyone is actually my friend. My motto is "what other people think if me is none of my business". I have found that joining groups to be around people is very good and then you can gradually get to know people.

[@annekathleen4498]

You're not missing anything ❤

[@debbiebutchart7222]

You got me, Mel. Inferiority complex. Why would people want to hang out with me, when they have all those other friends and family to do things with? 😢

[@deboraharchuleta9896]

It's been a LONG time since I've had a friend!! Not that I haven't tried! I guess I gave up on it!! And got used to the loneliness!! And this confirms I'm not the only one going through this!! 🙅‍♀️

[@07ikkin]

It's been several years for me, I'd say like 10 years. I've had acquaintances who "got me thru" the years but I truly have not had any friends. I would see and hear from the acquaintances sparingly. It sucks always being alone.

[@kittycatty335]

I’m in the same boat

[@myraparis]

Same on ‘I think people don’t like me or are mad at me!!’ Too much real estate in my head on that one. Love you Mel….

[@maritahartmann591]

I threw a solstice party three days ago.... And it was amazing. First party ive thrown in years. Xoxox everyone. You can do this.

[@jennydrozd29]

What is a solstice party?

[@maritahartmann591]

A celebration of spring becoming summer. June 21. Longest day of the year. In Alaska, this is the longest day of the year. It's light out for over 20 hours or more depending on where in Alaska. Ancient pagans used to think of this time as a fertility party. I think there was a lot of sex rituals during solstice. It's also my birthday on the 20th. So two reasons. ​@@jennydrozd29

[@sghs7473]

This is great but also leaves out some self reflection. I think sometimes its good to self reflect if your always being left out. There are people that are self absorbed and only know how to talk incessantly about themselves and monopolize conversations. Narcissistic behavior turns people off. Maybe there's a reason some people aren't included.

[@S1dranaz]

Self absorption is the worst

[@sixblessingstrumpismypresident]

Hi! I just found you through a friend, and now I'm addicted! I am a wife of 29 yrs, a mom of six (13 - 25), have anxiety/depression/ADHD, so a lot of your podcasts will be so beneficial to me! I love this one on friends. I tend to meet new people, get close really quickly, then things fade out, I now know from you that it's bc I haven't followed up. I just texted two of these amazing women I have drifted apart from, and they BOTH messaged me back within 15 minutes! Thank you so much, Mel! 😉💗

[@Simone-tz9lo]

That‘s awesome!

[@cheryllentz4358]

I’m so glad I heard this today! I’ve been isolated so long due to a toxic relationship and it’s very hard to be vulnerable to others. I’ve been truly trying (baby steps) but everything you said today truly hit home. Thanks again ❤😊

[@Diloveswill]

I’m the person that sometimes need to hide a little bit in my home from friends or acquaintances, I find excuses to not attend a social events or dinners with acquaintances, but I will always be there for my true friends. I’m used to be surrounded by true friends. And to be honest to keep a friendship for as long as I have 20+ years 30+ years is too understand that a friendship is hard, is just a relationship that needs to be growth from both sides, I recognize toxic people right away, and I stay away before I get invested in a new friendship for my own mental health.

[@Jan-uo3so]

Thank you so much, Mel. This is one of the most helpful videos I've seen as I am walking my own journey. Almost a year ago I lost eight people in my life, permanently. They are all living but they are not a part of my life. Since 1989 I have not been alone, so I have been faced with becoming comfortable in the quietness of my home and happy with my own company. Eating out at my favorite restaurants is easy now. Leaning into the grief and feeling is a part of the healing process and I've done some hard work. Now I'm ready to make friends. Thankfully, God blessed me with one new female friend. And surprisingly and unexpectedly, I met a man at a restaurant when I was solo dining. Even though my counselor had advised me I should not go into any relationships at this time, I went ahead and went with the friendship because the man lived a good 4 hours away in another state. So I no longer feel lonely as I have two new friends. Your video revealed so many enlightening truths, it was like you were in my head. Thank you, you are a great help!

[@Tammie-ju8tc]

I dont have anyone anymore. My 4am friend died in 2021. It was my brother. Then 8 months later I lost my wife. That was the 2 people who I could count on. So now I am alone and have nobody around me or to talk to. I am on a few groups on Facebook. I dont feel worthy of anybody. I am handicapped, on government assistance and don't really have money to do a lot of things. Let's not even get me started on how I feel inside.

[@SeaStarGazer1111]

I am sorry for your losses. You are worthy of living a good life, your loved ones would want you to be happy. Reach out to a bereavement group in your area, you’ll find supportive people there to help you. HUGS.

[@MelanieM-p4t]

That sounds really hard. And I'm sorry for your losses. But you're worthy. No one is more valuable or more important. Other people didn't win the 'more important' lottery! I was feeling very isolated after moving, losing family members, and my closest friend lives two states away. My manifesting coach, Laura, has this free week she is offering, if you'd like. She is sincerely kind and insightful. This is not a gimmick; I am in her group after dealing with losses myself. I like Mel, too. With Laura, you can talk to her directly if you want. Here is the link to her free week - and if you e-mail her and tell her your situation, I bet she'd help you out with more. Like her group. The weekly group (I joined, that's not free, but Laura might help you out) is so supportive, too. No one will judge you at all. Every part of this can help you to find confidence and manifest friends online and nearby. www.mindsetclasses.com/p/intro_to_manifesting1 Either way, love yourself more. Choose to give yourself grace. You've been through a lot. Feel worthy of support and friendship. You can do it. The more you do, the more you will attract people to you. Give yourself a chance. Give others a chance to get to know you. And genuinely good people like to offer support, if you're open and allow them to. You don't have to do anything to be worthy. You just are.

[@Retro_Disco]

when she said there are lots of friends in emergenies I rolled my eyes. She has the life.

[@ChaneldelarosaNel]

There is light 💡 I pray that a person of light comes into your life.

[@seagirl1100]

Loss is painful. I pray you find contentment and 1 good 4am friend. My life is similar and sometimes having people in your life that does not care seems hard for me. After years of giving to them, when I became health-wise in need they are not helpful or care. (That hurts bad to have friends who really are not friends?)

[@Sunshine77746]

This is soo relatable. Got out of a 9 year relationship and need to make more friends as most of my friends were from my ex. I need to take baby steps.

[@teresafraser3049]

Funny how I've never experienced all of what Mel is describing regarding friendships, stalking them on social media that causes feeling left out. I've never engaged in this crazy drama and so thankful that I have never been on any social media 🙏 My life is filled with soulmate friendships whom i call my tribe.... We vibrate at the same frequency which only enhances my life of joy!!! If you're experiencing all of what Mel is saying.... Get out of the false illusion of the matrix which is made up of conditional love and step into your true authentic self which you will then draw to youself your tribe and truly THRIVE!!!

[@SL-bo7ui]

This was so encouraging and helpful! I haven’t been on SM since Mothers Day because I’m tired of how it tends to be everyone showing off and also no real personal interaction. I’m going to be more intentional with cultivating and maintaining friendships now. Ty!

[@margaretvanhull1810]

Hi, Mel. I'm your friend, Peg. As I hear and read the words of you and many of your listeners, I'm pretty sad. I'm also glad that you will have much needed answers and ideas to relieve so much loneliness and insecurity. We are social animals, especially if more extroverted. As an introverted 80 year old, I enjoy the company of others and a small number of friends, but value solo time the most. Can't wait to hear your solutions in this podcast. Bet it's a "wake up call."!👍

[@heartofartichoke4340]

Did you listen? There's no solutions. I'm holding out for the retirement apartment, maybe get more local hangouts then! I hope you're doing well 🤗

[@qwertyu30]

Friends "is" hard work when it shouldn't be. Most often they are merely superficial acquaintances. I even had a friend for 20 years as we both changed there was falling out and reuniting. I really felt though she didn't truly know me (that probably was my fault) but knew me as she thought I was. Finally we lost contact. That was the closest I've been to having a true friend. But honestly it felt pretty nice.

[@bubbleculture]

hi to all my friends, especially Mel thank you so much for sharing this. I’m 53 years of age and for the last 10 years I have felt a real disconnect to the world. I’ve suffered a lot of abuse in the past and I think I doubt myself way too much recently. I started another job and just like every other job, I feel like nobody likes me I contemplated quitting this job the other day when this arrived in my inbox. I watched it and I have felt so good since I can’t express how much this meant to me!!!

[@bubbleculture]

And they let me go… so now I need extra encouragement xxo

[@raesunshine2643]

I agree, i feel like people don't like me and i always think I'm upsetting them.. i route this back to my older sister being a very jealous person and making it clear she didn't like me or want me around!

[@margaretvanhull1810]

Don't let your sister define you. You are likely a "ray of sunshine" for real.When your self esteem improves, so will your confidence. Then it won't matter much what others think. 😊

[@raesunshine2643]

@@margaretvanhull1810 🥰🥰

[@donielleradoslovich4347]

This video was so needed... thank you for the inspiration, Mel! And thank YOU for being YOU❤

[@mihaelamars]

I needed this today. I've been moving around a lot as an adult and I recently started over in a new country again, so I'm right back where I started... friendless.

[@agentscarlett8341]

I really relate to this. I have moved about a lot in my life too. It's so rewarding but it can be very difficult in the friendship dept. Sending a hug to you 😊

[@beccamorse8482]

Thank you for all you do Mel! I have bi polar 2/mania, borderline personality, anxiety, ADHD, chronic depression, Agoraphobia, with a life style of an only child alone 24/7. Drug and alcohol abuse from age 12 on to 27. I'm 35, clean, drink sometimes and have strong faith...two children that help that. I work in nursing and do well at it. Life of the party that never joins do to these lies!!! I have addressed my child hood trauma recently and talked with my kids. I'm ready to start having friends and advance my career further and be all I can be....You are helping so much with this! 🙏💕💕💕 Thank you!

[@seanarthur8392]

I understand where you come from, but so what? Accept who you are and move on. The correction or cure of anything is its opposite. Your brain is chemically unhealthy and you also need help rewiring it. Time for deep meditation, life style changes, bio-feedback training, seriously adept and experienced professional assistance in making changes, and maybe chemicals. You are lonely? Befriend those who need companionship. You're disorganized and distractable? Work on rewiring your brain and living a life that minimizes organization and uses the advantages of being ADHD. I did. Life sometimes feels like jumping into the void, nothing but fear and emptiness? DO IT. Jump. Live in the fear. Don't be a victim to your condition. Yes accept that is who you are and know your limitations and how to keep healthy, but after that, stop being so selfish! Allow no negative thoughts to exist in your brain, of any kind. With every thought and action, turn your consciousness and actions outward. Service. I'm ADHD, have a significant physical deformity that limits me and keeps me in constant pain, plus poor eyesight. I'm a true super empathic person easily abused and manipulated by others, and am prone to alcohol abuse. Do I even think about these things? Rarely. My main goal every day is: how can I make a positive difference in someone else's life today, no matter how small? All the other crap in life pales in importance when I know I am a positive force with everything I do. Is that where your mind is at every day? It should be.

[@simplypositiveme]

I have 1 friend and a kitty. He's a 4am friend. He's actially my second X husband. We get along alot better as friends. We can live separately and have our own space.I'm hopeful, but not yet. I need more healing.

[@funkymunky1238]

Honestly I’m getting to know myself right now. I had many friends but they all revolve their gatherings around getting drunk and gossiping about each other and I just have no interest in that. There is too much out there in the world that brings much more substance. If I meet a true friend someday I will cherish them!

[@Betterasablonde]

This is such a great video, it makes me feel better that even Mel Robbins feels like an outcast. I had a hard friend break up almost a year ago and it rocked me to the core. She was my only real friend and I walked away because of how toxic the friendship became. I’ve been really isolated since, but it’s gotten better as I’ve eased into my “hermit era” lol

[@LovinLnCottage]

I am about to lose my last long term (43 years) friend. As an introvert, I had 5 long-term close friends. You can’t replace those. Shallow people don’t interest me. They can’t be trusted and are often BORING! Many things interest me. I have discovered the value of real solitude in being able to deeply experience and investigate the non-physical Universe. You are much more than the meat suit you are wearing, your thinking mind (ego mind), emotions. In solitude every mystic, saint, monk has discovered this truth. You will never find the GRACE of having this personal experience of Universal Consciousness by focusing outward. At 78, I am grateful that I have been given this gift. Once I processed the grief of my husband’s passing, I found the value of solitude. NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. ALL-THAT-IS is LOVE. LOVE is all that is!

[@Powerskaty]

I'm often #uninvited and it's mostly because I'm not a drinker. I go places alone and am okay with it.

[@sallybyrd3712]

You definitely have to associate with people who have the same interests and values. People who drink or smoke prefer to be with other people who do the same. We like to be open to all people but it does not work. We have to decide what our values are and only associate with people who have the same values; it makes life so much easier.

[@orenlewis8679]

I hate that it has become rude to just pop in and see someone unannounced and unplanned. I am old enough to remember doing this as a kid and young adult. The isolation was a lot less then. Now I only dare pop in unannounced on old people cause the young are offended by it.

[@MargaritaRodriguez-cj2ri]

Hi, Mel. Amazing video! At times I felt you were telling my current life story... Good to know I'm not alone. Thank you for the inspiring tips! I also feel that, as we are in a planetary shift at this very moment, many of us are in tune with that shift and our lives are changing and moving so fast that sometimes we can't cope with it. So we think that phase is gonna last for ever, but it won't. As we are on the making, others are too. Many blessings to you and everyone watching/reading!

[@mylife5237]

Hi, Mel. I am 44 and am going through a phase of life where I am trying to define what I want my life in next five years is going to be. I find your podcast incredibly wonderful and helpful as I navigate through this unknown territory.

[@gailbrown3118]

Thanks Mel ❤, today was better because of you. Messaged a friend that I haven't contacted in a while. She called with in a minute of my voice message, and we spoke for 40 minutes. Ended with a plan to get together for lunch and a possible bike ride. Had a wonderful day biking for over 2 hours with another new friend I met recently. It was wonderful! You are a true angle helping many people move forward in a positive direction. Big hugs and thanks ❤.

[@djakric]

You Mel are an incredible person! Thanks a lot for your video. I really love the way you clearly explain all these precious realities to us. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Mel!

[@Jen.X.65]

I had a group of friends that I hung out with for close to 15 years. One by one the group started splitting up and people falling off. I found out on a cruise boat in Greece that my friends of 15 years that they would talk about me behind my back and they weren't real friends. Hence to say, we are no longer friends. And these are women in their 40s and 50s. I am so much more happier with a small group of friends.

[@melissadalrymple7476]

I love how spot on you are! I’ve been feeling this way the past year. I compare myself to social media and these situations. Thank you for the inspiring message and wisdom!

[@CynthiaBazin]

Thank you so much for this Mel!

[@schoenesfeines6859]

Riple effect is reaching Switzerland. Thank you sooo much 🙏🏻

[@angelakyriacou]

Your amazing Mel , thank you for a kick up the bum. It’s my birthday next month and I was contemplating doing nothing. Sod that. I have organized afternoon tea from my friends, up to 8 people now , and looking forward to it. I have text a few friends and we’re having get together befor my birthday. I am making a effort cause I got lazy. In truth I have been on a strict budget. Now seeing my friends is in the budget 😂🎉 It stops now, xxx 🎉 ❤

[@JoleenSharrock]

I love this. Thank you Mel. I am so inspired to reach out and get off my introvert couch 😅❤

[@vixter28]

Starting after this video I have people that are fading out of my life that used to be my best friend. I’m tired of me, trying to keep up the friendship. I’m out growing some of my old friends so that’s how I have to look at it I’m starting to make new friends now - I just met a new girlfriend and she matches more of my energy, which is awesome! Thank you Mel ❤ friend Love listening to you !

[@virtualathlete]

Loved this. So similar to my experience with kids, etc. And I love flowers too! 🌸 We could scroll our lives away. Gotta be proactive. I like your 3 tips. Especially #1. I remember things also started changing when we moved to the Iphone/smart phone. We used to call each other, then we’d email, then text came & social media. In many ways…there are more ways to connect … but also more ways to hide. As a result, we are more disconnected than ever. Time to make a change. Thanks for keeping it real. 💗⭐️

[@yvonnesnow]

Thank you so much Mel I simply love listening to your podcasts. Your volunerable honesty, insights & advice, really hits the sweet spot.

[@MelissaMiller-yk7lf]

I used to worry about this topic until I realized worry did me no good. So I just say, “oh well.” I don’t want to worry myself and give me a headache.

[@CitizenVids]

This was really good, Mel. Thank you! The part that I resonated most with is the holding on to old friendships that no longer work! My God, we all need to do this with no looking back! LOL For real....

[@exotixzyro9755]

You crack me up lady! 😂I love you!! This is SO relatable!! Especially now that my kids are 20 & 16.

[@bonniebeck4068]

Yes..everybody’s pictures on Facebook are only the best ..wish I looked behind closed doors

[@janettemccallum9862]

Bless you for sharing this video & your friends video to you. Needed to hear your message.

[@mommadramapreps8668]

Prior to watching... this is my response. I'm too deep in my head. I'm years past I have been hurt. Forgotten. Left out. Ignored. In one way or another. I think I was thinking I had a friend and they weren't really a friend. They were a friend at the moment until someone better comes along. So you know what I do? I make myself an island. I don't NEED anybody to be happy. Honestly, no you don't. But, I think life is more enjoyable with people but only your people. As of yet, I haven't found many. Never had a "best friend" the friend that comes over all the time unnanounced unapologetically as she is and as i am like a sister...and I do want one. I long for one. At 40 It feels impossible.

[@elizabeths182]

Same

[@Mhie-c9j]

I can relate to this topic and i know now what to do next.😊 Grateful for this reminder Mel!.God Bless! 🤗❤

[@heathermjordan-durant8684]

I cannot imagine you could be excluded! Look how much good you are doing for so many people. 🎉❤ You're Solid GOLD Mama❤

[@diannedelle5086]

I started laughing the minute you started talking when everything you said I was guilty of! You are my new go to person when I need a reality check. If we were in close proximity I would want you for my BEST friend. I love your personality! And I have learned so much from the great conversations and subjects you talk about. Loved the interview with Evi the SS woman too!

[@jessimimo]

It's amazing when i go back to Spain, where i was born and people aren't on the phones 24/7!

[@ilonaandlivia]

Friends aren't forever. We change, they change, they had a new significant other and you do not like them. You grew, they standing still, unfortunately happens.

[@bridgetmenham6686]

WE have new friends generally We don't have same mates we had when we were 2 years old We should think like that xx

[@darryljones6781]

Wow that was a aha moment. Thank you for that. When you said stop being mad at people for not who you want them to be right now . One thing I realized the older I get it just turned 50 on July 4 but I was the king of that I think because I see peoples potential and I want them to reach their full potential because I care for them, but that goes back to my trauma that I realized, that has nothing to do with them that’s about me so thank you for that reminder because I have to always remember that I think you’re amazing. I love your podcast just wonderful so nice to have people like you in the world giving us such beautiful important information during this journey we call life.

[@rohiniwinters1949]

I love flowers too! I grow roses and I have met a few people who stop to ask about them!

[@EvaMariposa]

With age I find I don't need those constant plans. I have a selected group of friends that I keep contact with & meet up every few months & that's more than enough for me. I don't have energy for these regular group gatherings. I prefer my me-time. And rather see family on my free time.

[@DAClub-uf3br]

I have only one friend for 40 years. I spend an afternoon with him once a week. The stress and anxiety from this is as much as i can handle. I can't imagine trying to get to know new people let alone inviting them over.

[@juliebee61]

i loved Glo's message at the end. i needed to hear it too.❤

[@clairenevans6877]

I get so torn between the advice to ‘be myself’ and feeling like people find me boring so I can’t ‘be myself’ and have people like me, so I not only don’t try to make new friends, I have withdrawn from most of the friends I did have to do them the favour of not having to spend time with me.

[@lazynani]

I’m an introvert and I have been starting to do this and my extrovert friend has so many friends and she seemed to stop liking me but this helped so much! Thank you Mel 🙏

[@carolannstevens5814]

Hi Mel, I am the same about people pleasing with emojis too. I too was raised with a narcissist mom. I believe it that is the reason. I love your shows! Thank you!

[@virginiag5580]

😊YT is my 4am friend! Grew up with a very small group of friends but as you get older those friends change over the years. However there comes a time when you realize you are the one always reaching out to them. I had a painful reminder of that last year when suddenly and unexpectedly I lost my husband. I expected at the very least that small group of friends to be my group support, to my surprise - they all left! My small group turned into zero friends, luckily I gave social media many years ago so I don't see what anyone is up. I do solo things, when my kids are available I do things with them BUT I do crave community and adult conversations. I've been attending a grief support group so I'm hopeful perhaps I will meet my future friends there! Fingers crossed 🤞 I have to add that I do have hope I will find a small group of friends again, I'm in my 40''s so it won't be easy but it's possible!

[@PieraB]

This! was one of the BEST podcast episodes I got to enjoy this year! So many great gems of wisdom and very implementable actions I am taking now. It's REALLY hard to believe that you Ms Mel don't have plans, or don't have close friends. With such an amazing personality, wisdom that never ends, and creative nature, I can't wrap my head around how you had a hard time making friends or being with friends. I guess we are all human and can experience this true reality. Im going to take some bold actions now and get uncomfortable and make new friends. AND Im going to remain FLEXIBLE in my relating and friendship circles. Love this wisdom! Thank you again and again!

[@daisychahal9011]

What a wonderful episode. I really needed to hear this. Thank you for reminding us of these truths. Love you Mel

[@bridgetmenham6686]

Glastonbury festival on tv made me feel strange yesterday Made me think of the friends I used ti have watching it with me xx

[@floraboraamor]

I love the video which encourages me to try again to connect with people. I do not have a 4 am. person to call or someone to text. I have tried to connect with coworkers to hopefully do something outside work but they ate not interested. Yes I'm lonely it does affect me daily but I hope one day to connect with people.

[@Ladidasana]

Just want to say THANK YOU! 🙏 for this episode! ❤

[@irfanmuhammad7002]

Hi Im Irfan from Indonesia . Just want to say thank you, this session you talk about are perfectly what im going through. Like a warm soup this really warming my hearth and brain. Thanks again

[@SunnyMed1]

Appreciate such rarely spoken but much much needed topic! Great job Mel, first time ever commenting on KZbin

[@DilshodaSultonboyeva]

Mel Robbins I really admire you. Although I am Uzbek, I wanna look like you. Especially your American accent and perspectives make me impressed

[@MelanieM-p4t]

Sorry, I'm not the same Mel :-) I'm a different Mel. But it's cool to see someone who is Uzbek on here. We were just reading about an Uzbek restaurant (American version) in our area and we were interested because we don't know about your culture and this is a good chance for us to learn about it. It's interesting, too, as Americans - or at least some of us, we're always admiring others' accents around the world. So to hear someone say they like an American accent - that's new to us. Or to me, at least!

[@07ikkin]

18:17 no, I don't reach out because I've reached out countless times to countless people and it's never reciprocated. Apparently people don't enjoy my company as much as they do others 🤷‍♀️

[@lizfountain2067]

Thank you Mel.🥰 You've given me the answers I needed.... it's about me, not them.. it's my responsibility to stretch myself; to reach out and, to stop assuming the negative..

[@alyross2850]

The problem with disconnecting from social media is that everyone just assumes you know things you don’t. People spend so much time and energy on SM that they don’t consider that there are people who don’t. I didn’t know you were sick, that your cat died, that you moved (?), are divorcing, had your first grandchild. And it’s so prevalent that they think I am the one who is in the wrong for not knowing. I just can’t do it. I can’t fall into the materialistic trap of posting only what I want other people to think of me. I saw the SM comparison swamp from a mile away and never fell in. And I know for fact that this is a big part of the reason I lose contact with so many people.

[@VivianSchiedler]

so the trick is how to find others who also don't want to use SM...hmmm

[@MsLinda165]

I had to dump all my 'friends' except for two. I found I was excluded, I was dis respected; they'd tell me all about the thing they went to but didn't see fit to include me. Am I so horrible to be around? I dropped them, and none of them have tried to reconnect, so obviously I was delusional. Maybe I'm the problem. So I'm trying to come at this from the angle that I'm the loser. I'm the problem.

[@MelanieM-p4t]

That hurts. But if only people could be open with each other :( If you could ask them for their honest feedback and sincerely tell them how their actions made you feel in a non-defensive way, as you just want to understand what happened. Maybe something could be mended. Or not, but then at least you'll know their reasons. Sometimes people don't have the b**s to be honest... But if you ask sincerely, they might. Either way, you're not a problem. You're human. And in this day and age, people think they can ghost all they want. If you want to self-reflect though, if there was something maybe that rubbed them the wrong way... My mom talks and talks and talks and doesn't really ask others a lot of questions about themselves. She's a good person, but I don't think she realizes she does that and my mom isn't always an 'open to feedback' kind of gal.... :-) From her boss, yes, but her daughter not so much. But maybe ask those people or others for feedback -- and just self-reflect a little bit. A lot of people have done things before that have lost friends. But, you know, sometimes people are just shitty friends.. That could be them... So you could try to talk with them and see or just move forward knowing that there are 7 (8?) billion others out there to choose from!!

[@annekathleen4498]

You are most definitely not the problem ❤🎉

[@seagirl1100]

I feel the same way most of the time. I’m trying to be comfortable alone.

[@nonnieTerri]

I would bet it’s not you who is the problem but the people you singled out to be a so-called friend. Hang in there for a quality friend.

[@rosieE121]

Great advice. I also don't try to fit in because I need the time for those where I do fit in. I like meeting other friends of friends. It helps me get to know them better and I don’t want to be someone’s only friend. Occasionally I suspect someone may not like me because they prejudge me, and I don't let that derail what I do because I find many more people who do like me. Lastly, I believe there are fake friends who act like friends to get something from you but they aren't actually friends. You'll know if you don’t go along with their agenda. They disappear soon after.