How to Cause Change When Nothing Else Is Working

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[@starlingswallow]

8:22 The comment: when stress feels like home to you, I believe it doesn't necessarily feel GOOD, but it's a _familiar_ feeling, it's normal to you, like home. If your home was anxiety ridden, then anxiety in your adulthood is going to feel normal and familiar. I've been here for a long time! Broke out of it 5 years ago ❤

[@sackettfamily4685]

I'm wondering if me and my husband might have a bit of that too. cause we've been through a lot of stress! But we're going to get therapy for it.

[@adriana27100]

Your comment really hit the head on the nail for me! I’m wondering how did you overcome it for 5 years now? Congratulations! 👏🏻👏🏻

[@fabiabonifacio]

@@adriana27100y

[@starlingswallow]

I'm so proud of the first caller. I wish I had had her mind and Dr. John to talk to before I had hitched my life to my first husband. He, too, was selfish and had a very shallow outlook on the future. The night he was going to propose to me, we got in an argument because he wanted me to _promise him_ that I'd love fishing as much as him. 😳 Ummm...what? I was flabbergasted. Why did that matter so much? I *liked* fishing and enjoyed doing it with him, but then felt forced to LOVE it. When you put pressure like that on your SO, it really pulls the joy out of it. THEN he told me the next day why he hadn't proposed the night before! 🤯 It was manipulation. I'm sure if I'd have turned to him and said, "I need you to tell me you'll love family as my much as I do..." he'd have looked at me as if I had two heads and told me: that's ridiculous!! It was double standards. His rules never applied to him. I hope your life is blessed, caller. You deserve better!!❤

[@valfletcher9285]

ME too but I'm sure I wouldn't have listened

[@tinam761]

Heather RUN!! My ex had some lazy tendencies… not working when he should and he QUIT his job and didn’t look for work. We had a 2yr old and I was pregnant on bed rest with twins… we lost our car and lost our house…. He was completely and utterly selfish. Heather … end it. Don’t accept that “he’ll change” he won’t … or for just a short time. YOU WILL ALWAYS FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T MATTER TO HIM. It’s a lonely and heartbreaking to repeatedly be told on actions that you are not important enough to him. You are worth more and he’s never going to grow up. It will hurt to break up… you will get through and you’ll be better for it.

[@apileofrocks5142]

Jay, the path gets much easier once you start with the baseline of going to the gym to take care of yourself rather than punish yourself. I lost about 70 lbs within a few years and have held that weight for about a decade now. I eat what I love , but what I love has changed drastically. I can't tell you when I last had a milkshake, although they are good. Sodas are completely gone and I don't miss them. Whatever your changes need to be, making these changes in your diet will stick best when you avoid these things to "take care of yourself", rather than "abstain in order to punish your urges".

[@KarlDag]

He said he works out 5-7 times a week

[@rosamoreno4794]

Binges come from under eating 🤷🏻‍♀️ Or not enough nutrient dense food 🤷🏻‍♀️ I had to eat just a little more all while freaking about calories to not binge later.

[@frfr202]

Right. This dude sounds like he is super super high control, high stress, and high anxiety. The sugar "addiction" sounds like his body's scream for some release.

[@brightpage1020]

Heather is so wise! Stick to your goals, Hearher! Those will take your farther with more fun and adventure than this boy will be able to afford at this point in his life. It will be worth it. My old summer camp had a saying: "Hitch your wagon to a star" (we slept in covered wagons). It meant like reach for the stars because you might not reach them but you won't come up with a handful of mud, either. This guy may be a gem in the rough. I'm not saying he's mud, but he hasn't figured out which gemstone or precious metal he's made of yet. Unless and until he figures out how valuable he is and how he will offer value to the world, he may not be able to recognize the full value of your worth, girl. Reflection is on him, not against you. Old fogies like me all know a few too many young women who fell into a trap like this - for the potential of who somebody could be soon or says they want to be, someday, rather than recognizing who somebody actually is in right now's reality. Read the reality. Is there at least 1 goal to figure out what his bigger life goals might be? Is he taking action on anything toward that? Trying out apprenticeships? Classes? Jobs that could lead to management? How does he feel about having children? Because those can come even when you take every precaution. And they will when it's the most inconvenient timing... If you let them. Plenty of mom friends had at least 1-3 of their children on North control. It's not nearly as effective as the reps tell the docs. Trust me. I have worked for an OB/GYN's office... Lots of babies come even with plenty of controls in place against them. So, how would he handle that type of even accidental development in your relationship at this point? If you say to him, "Listen, I don't want to wait away all my brightest baby making years hoping somebody who might not be into that now changes someday. Someday's not on the calendar. I deserve to honor my soul's desire as much as you do. I've been loyal, trustworthy, fun, reliable... And thaf's the future you'd be able to expect with my level of integrity. I'm wondering if you'd be able to watch that in the next 3-6 months and start preparing with me for the type of future that would give us the lifestyle we could dream of together? If not, no love lost, but I'm gonna have to move on, as painful as that would be for me. I wish and hope it I with you, but if you don't get it together soon, then that's a clear message to me. I don't want to feel like I'm not worth it to you. Because you're worth at least this conversation to me. That's just who I am and where I'm at right now. Ya dig?" I bet he would appreciate that level of honesty. Good luck, chicca! Hope he steps up for ya! If not, your goals will get you there or to and around folks who can bring you. Keep following those! See what happens. Keep us posted. Thanks!

[@n.t.495]

Thank you, these are really good points and have helped me too.

[@BG-nm5xt]

There's a whole group of people out there who don't want to work, or have not been employed on a regular basis, or can't / won't hold a job. They usually have a pattern of getting others to take care of them. Take this as a giant red flag because they expect others to support them forever. Substance abuse, abusive behavior and/ or playing video games all the time adds to the problems. These people make bad partners, won't help with meals or chores or the kids and life quickly becomes a nightmare. These people usually don't change so beware! Do not marry these people and get out!

[@britneyog9537]

It's gets easier on the weight loss/exercise journey! I started a gym and it's so much easier to stay motivated and accountable. I WANT to work out now. I WANT to eat clean. Be strict for a week or 2, and you will find you don't miss the junk. Of course, as you hit goals, you can reward yourself!

[@10nurse29]

You need to look that song up!! It was so popular!! What a great show!! That last caller represents so many of us from genX. Our parents were so absent!!

[@barbiesergio7663]

Yes ☝️

[@jcstuart6978]

Try replacing your sugar cravings with greek yogurt + frozen mangos & berries, papaya + raw honey, cantaloupe with cottage cheese, carrots and hummus. Your body might need something sweet, just make sure it's natural.

[@julia190]

Run Heather Run. No future if he is not reliable or responsible. Not your problem. Let go of your transient feeling of love. It will not get better. He is looking for an easy life. You will end up resenting him etc etc.

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

To the first caller, stop trying to adjust yourself to someone else who is not compatible or has anywhere near the same goals and aspirations as you. Find someone who matches you.

[@rebekkakearns3605]

He should know that song!!! He just needs the beats / rhythms

[@Crash_2188]

@45:00 is a simple yet fantastic question and one I too struggle immensely with and put myself through a bunch of negative self talk in failure in the day to day. Instead of mindfulness, I try and frame it as INTENTIONALITY. Double meaning. The first is obviously to be intentional about my actions. But the second is rooted in faith and something that is given up to God. In the Catholic church, before the opening hymn even begins we often say "the intention of this Mass is for (insert person's name here)." The celebration is intended for the well being whoever. Additionally as an offering it acknowledges that doing something uncomfortable might suck, but we're doing it anyways because there's a reason and just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm suffering alone or for no reason. Not saying I don't fail A LOT either, but it's something I've been trying to work with the past couple months.

[@brennanleyen]

Heather- I married that guy- divorcing 6 years later after carrying him financially- now supporting our 2 kids by myself! RUN! RUN! RUN!

[@stitchinginthebarn8307]

I've just started listening to you & Mind Pump Show in the last few weeks. I love Sal. He is a Don! Y'alls honesty and integrity have influenced my life for the better. This is awesome!

[@sharonkelly5437]

Working with Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin has helped me tremendously to get to WHY I am eating to cope without dieting. She has taught us new ways to cope.

[@Hillside-Hive]

Mindfulness ~ conscious actions❤ You are "constantly acting". Its a continual thing, never stops. We have to actively think through our actions and thoughts.

[@sorshae.elsbernd]

Bright Line Eating is a program that approaches sugar and flour as addictive substances. It was founded by Dr. Susan Pierce Thomas who was a tenured professor in cognitive brain sciences AFTER she became sober from hard-core drugs. She's open about her journey. She approaches this from a science standpoint. For some people, sugar is a hard addiction to overcome and she lays out a program that is fully supportive and practically holds our hands as we walk through this. I've been doing BLE since 2017 and so many people DO lose weight and keep it off long term with this program. Please, Dr. John and team, look into it.

[@susaneyeo9419]

Thank you for this info!

[@ashleyb6525]

Thank you for this episode! I needed to hear this!

[@kathigratton2286]

The guy with the milkshake just have a protein milkshake

[@Andrea_k86]

Awee I love Sal! He gives great advice on the Mind pump podcast 💗

[@eecneihappy]

Thank you SO MUCH for Sal! I absolutely 💯 agree better to add than take away!

[@debbieanderson6740]

This is in response to the tragedy in Tennessee school that John mentioned at the beginning of this broadcast. And now these little children had to experience such a violent, unsafe, mind altering nightmare. Even the adults don't know how to process it. It keeps happening. This event will be in their minds and hearts forever. All the while adults in power are arguing of what to do next. Between mental health and gun control. I heard a news story from a Mom of a little child that asked her about if there would be guns in his/her school today. That in its self is a tragedy. I would like to hear John Ds take on it.

[@valfletcher9285]

I am concerned about the comment - is this Nashville at the Presbyterian DaY School

[@debbieanderson6740]

@@valfletcher9285 I believe John was referring to the event three weeks ago.

[@valfletcher9285]

@@debbieanderson6740 thank youm

[@kasanchz]

Got me in the feels! ❤❤❤

[@tomnohmy1273]

Big John is the man

[@nathaliebasile6168]

Heather … you are brave ! It is the right thing to do !

[@Joshuarcade]

I love that this show is open to listen, unfortunately it’s not a common virtue that’s taught in my circle 😢

[@jamiegriffin5692]

To answer John’s question - mindfulness = being present, vs in their anxiety/fear/pick your favorite negative emotion.

[@lotusfire9429]

Just gonna say, the cost of housing in Reno has gone off the rails. It's out of reach for most young people.

[@darlar.9043]

LOL😂 I sang that song as you read it. Lol😂😂😂

[@kathigratton2286]

What happened is they made boxed food !!! Our house is if you want food you need to make it !! Not open a bag of chips

[@brightpage1020]

To the guy who claims to be a sugar addict: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15-13, I think?

[@AbidingHopeMentalHealthCoach]

My struggle is not so much that I don’t like how I look; I don’t look so bad. Especially with the right outfit. But I don’t like how I feel. My calves get in the way when I try to kneel on them; my range of motion is more limited. I am not comfortable with my thighs rubbing together or with the extra padding on my sides under my arms. It’s just not comfortable to move like it used to be. I want to be able to do handstands again (against a wall, at least), and to feel agile. It’s not really about how I look.

[@kathleenapperson2114]

be intentional

[@mariealmon4137]

They or more great men out there just see

[@larryrichins7887]

To the first caller that boy has a lot of quit in him!

[@eecneihappy]

#2 I'd love to know who he drank milkshakes 🥛when he was little...after game celebration with Dad? Treat with Mom? Probably was a comfort food & happy times, maybe not. Very curious. Yes milkshakes are delicious 😋 for sure at any rate.

[@brightpage1020]

Another shooting? Holy... Heartbreak. I'm so sorry 💔 🙏 with you for the families in terror and for each of us in grief over this.

[@mariealmon4137]

I keep sugar in 30 days it was very. Hard

[@helenmcinerney1058]

Caller one, he's looking for a housekeeper. End of.

[@kanienkehakaka]

I grew up thinking pickiness is wrong. I dont enjoy the typical western diet. My mouth and tastebuds and gut feel better with plant focused foods, with strong flavours, that aren't just a tongue trick of salt and sugar and msg. Understanding I am now an adult, and able to choose what I should eat has been amazing. Changed my relationship with food. I'm worth making the good food I want, even if it's not "normal."

[@denisemueller1754]

Intention

[@valfletcher9285]

Is this new as of April 21?

[@tinam761]

They record them ahead of time. I’m sure the recording schedule also has to fall in line with his travel schedule.

[@valfletcher9285]

@@tinam761 thank you

[@cashway0420]

Did Delony get another new tat? Update: I just did an in depth investigation and yes he does have a new one

[@joycritchell885]

😂

[@therealsandraweise]

Sugar addict anonymous is real and there is online meetings every day.

[@Onehottherapist]

Sugar addiction need a 6-10 session colonic..parasite cleanse.

[@girlygirl1890]

Aaaaaabsolutely. I'm so glad somebody said it! Thank you. The problem is mostly inside the physical body. John thinks most every problem is related to something that "happened" stemming from our childhood. That's not always the case. Most people need to research information stating that our bodies need an INTERNAL CLEANSE. That's where the sugar addiction comes from. He needs to make a habit , at least try every day to eat GREEN things from the ground. Starting with things like Collard Greens, Spinich, Kale, any of those. Then throw some fresh chopped garlic with it. Maybe sprinkle some crushed red pepper flakes from the shaker bottle. Add some Kosher salt for taste, sauteing that in Olive Oil, and If he does that on a regular basis, I bet you that it will help most of his problem. THE GARLIC and greens is key. Can't do it once...needs to be on a regular basis. Minimum every other day, preferably every day. Things from the ground serve as cleansers for our bodies. Our bodies have so called "pipes" on the inside of us. And if we do not clean those pipes, things turn to "sludge". The sludge causes pure addictions to all of these bad foods and mostly sugar. That's where all the problems start. The beginning of a nightmare....and most people don't even realize how it started in the first place. So everything is not ALWAYS childhood issues or problems in life. Plenty of people out here with Sugar addictions and Food Addictions who have always had good lives.

[@djpuplex]

Must be a good looking guy with alot of options. Unfortunately a lot of good men are invisible to her. Wow if the genders were switched wonder what the advice would be?

[@-KMA-]

Men do this all of the time. If a woman’s not pretty, have a hit body, they can’t see themselves with you or they leave you so it’s the same for both.

[@djpuplex]

@@-KMA- Women monkey branch way more then the "average" guy. Most average to below average men settle and date down. I think that's what going on with the caller. She's got a good looking guy with options she doesn't have a better option.

[@kimmontenegro2258]

​@@-KMA- I actually take that as a positive; boys who self eliminate themselves from my dating pool because they're superficial assholes. I consider myself a highly attractive, successful, and extremely intelligent woman. I can out hike and lift people half my size and half my age. I seriously feel like I keep the weight on because I feel more attractive this way and can enjoy life more with less men trying to distract me. And if I ever start to feel 'unattractive', I'm only an international flight away to various countries where women with realistic body types are highly valued. And/or where there are real men vs boys. Biggest epidemic here in the States isn't obesity but men with Peter Pan Syndrome.

[@diggernash1]

Most women that are going to get married are going to have to settle going forward. The majority of "eligible" men no longer have any interest in marriage. It is too risky financially and the women don't bring enough to the table to balance that risk.

[@dabd8175]

Submit to your husband Heather.

[@valfletcher9285]

They're not married yet?

[@tinam761]

They are not married!!! And no woman should stay with a man that won’t work. Says something about that in the Bible. If a man will not work - he shall not eat.

[@-KMA-]

Submit to being poor and she being the sole provider the rest of her life?

[@your_mommy_issues_are_show4060]

Suggestion- hearing less from your producer.

[@mariealmon4137]

They or more great men out there just see