How to Be Less Emotionally Reactive: Black and White Thinking

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Improve your mental health with the free course, courses.therapyinanutshell.com/grounding-skills-for-anxiety-stress-and-ptsd

[@imALWAYSrightbitch]

Regarding the husband saying to the wife that she never does the dishes...if I ever have to wash a single dish, my wife will be divorced fast af. She doesn't pay a single bill or buy any groceries. Therefore she MUST do ALL of the house work. OR she can do the house work and have a job to pay her own bills. That's her only two options. Do the house work for me and you, or just for you.

[@roshaanghiasi952]

“Believing that your boss is terrible is a mental habit to excuse yourself from work” ok you didn’t have to call me out like that

[@dirtydirtyshisno7284]

But also to be fair a lot of the time bosses are genuinely terrible 😂

[@jasminealva370]

@@dirtydirtyshisno7284 true, thankfully my work lets us wear headphones so ill just put them in after they lecture me and ignore what they say if its not constructive

[@Tweakkkkkk]

OK "boss" 😂

[@mikep7744]

What if your boss is the consummate emotionally reactive black and white thinker?

[@dreamangelsgarden5078]

Something to think about... After 17 years in a position, I realized my boss is only needed to handle the money (paying leases on machines and keeping payroll straight), and buying of materials. Me and the other actual workers that get the jobs out know what we're doing and don't need him to get the jobs done. We never miss deadlines, and we work great as a team. So my coworkers are my real bosses, after myself being my own boss, because we know what's going on with the jobs more than our boss. So, to me, it doesn't matter what he thinks of me unless he's giving me a raise. 😂

[@lulumarie7]

This literally popped up in my notifications while I was fully raging about something. My feelings were definitely justified, but I'm tired of reacting in ways that feel harmful to my inner well-being. I've gotten much better, but I clearly have work to do. Thank you for all that you provide to those who are struggling, yet trying to do better. 💛

[@graydonwilkinson1458]

Stay strong I do the same

[@Scoupe400]

Noticing it. Then wanting to change. For your benefit. Definitely a good path.

[@jchinckley]

@@Scoupe400 Nice poem!

[@iamfiguringoutwhoiam]

I had an aha moment recently about emotions, specifically anger in my case. The emotion is just a signal telling you something is wrong, like a boundary is being crossed. If you can understand what the emotion is trying to convey to you, it becomes pretty easy to deal with the issue and not get carried away with the emotion.

[@Rob_A13]

My toddlers meltdowns get to me ugh

[@Backwoodstails]

Being raised by an emotionally reactive mother was incredibly traumatic. I realized as an adult i was reacting with the same learned behaviors. Do better by your child because that stuff is horrifying.

[@SusanDaschner]

As a person with the same struggle, I find it helps to remember that my Mom probably learned this from her Mom and so on. It's easier to believe my grandma had no faults, but my Mom couldn't have just picked up these traits overnight. On a side note... I am working on this and have saved this video to re watch as I need to. Maybe i can be a better grandma than I was a mother. I am intelligent and creative and kind, but I was emotionally very reactive, and this affected my health and my children. I love them so much.

[@tametra_lasha]

​@@SusanDaschnerI'm glad to read your perspective because I've been beating myself up about this although I *know* I can't go back in the past to fix things. "Maybe I will be a better grandmother" or maybe I can help my adult children overcome this... Those are things I can actually do to improve my behavior moving forward.

[@RobRowan-l2p]

Well said..👍🏻​@@tametra_lasha

[@imiloa.]

@@SusanDaschnersame same 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@mintsnake]

Sames. And when I don’t react the same way, she would say I’m unsympathetic or disloyal. So, guilt. She’s improved over the years, but I’m worried about how it affects her health. She is anxious and has difficulty sleeping. I’m worried that these habits are so ingrained in her, that she doesn’t have the awareness of these bad habits. She just thinks they’re normal or justified.

[@NerdyScubaDiver]

I was so emotionally reactive, that I lost just about all my friends and artistic progress as well. A lot of lost time, energy, money and relationships…but at 38…it’s better late than never. It has gotten easier over the years to be less reactive. And complaining less and less. That always helps. Appreciate your videos! Peace, love, blessings to all.

[@draedeltoro6542]

Learning this at 29. Best wishes to ya.

[@SpencerHillier]

Cool video, My relationship of 6 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him

[@MonaW.Thompson]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor FATHER ABULU who helped me bring him back

[@SpencerHillier]

amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him

[@MonaW.Thompson]

His name is fatherabulu, and him is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...

[@MonaW.Thompson]

Fatherabulu, has incredible powers, and he can assist you.

[@SpencerHillier]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked he up now online. impressive

[@navaa1477]

In my first year of marriage my partner and I noticed we would get into arguments and use words like "you always do this" or "you never do that" and it never helped the situation. So we promised each other to ban these words. And it actually took practice to get out of the habit! But we stuck to it and it made a real positive change.

[@Anna-bb6ox]

Thanks you so much you have save my marriage

[@enryiggins2878]

Some takeaways: be solution oriented rather than choosing to be helpless. Honesty. Self-accountability. Thank you.

[@crystalfunky]

100%

[@WhoThisMonkey]

There is no solution to the majority of humanity being absolutely hopeless.

[@meganh5948]

I tend to think in black and white. I’ve always been it’s all or nothing. I didn’t realize that thinking this way increases your anxiety….which now I see how it can. Thank you for this.

[@AnnoulaXeni]

"I've ALWAYS been it's all or nothing" 🙂 Did you say that deliberately?! (Good luck, just teasing!)

[@truthjunkie63]

I'm that person also.

[@lucianahurduc9383]

@@AnnoulaXeni Good insight 👍🏻....don t think it was intentional

[@LisaMaryification]

I need to check myself when I fall into black and white thinking. Perhaps the answer is to write down every gray in between.

[@Swan-rb4yg]

I'm not that person. I always see the gray areas, but some things are black and white, and it seems to me that choking them down would be a lot more detrimental then calling them what they are. There is such a thing as righteous anger.

[@DeaderCat]

Im an extremely emotionally reactive person, and until this video i thought i was just born like that, its just the way i am, and theres nothing i can do about it. Mind you, i have been to therapy many times and nobody has ever pointed this out to me. Im so happy to hear its not a verdict i have to live with. I can change and i can do better. Thank you so much for this video!

[@helllllkat]

My boyfriend is more emotionally stable than I am and I just feel bad all the time for crying over stupid stuff whether it’s the smallest comment or a minor inconvenience in my day. I want to get better at managing my emotions and feeling things less deep than I do if that makes sense.

[@catchingmybreath]

I feel you 😢❤️‍🩹

[@justsneha9591]

im doing the same

[@srishtisinghal6885]

I do the same gurllllll

[@Underneath.It.All.]

I’ve been in therapy and support groups for several years now trying to learn how to stop my emotions that are so extremely intense…it’s constant work everyday…I also had a dysfunctional abusive childhood and experiences a lot of trauma…I’m a very highly sensitive person and yes I’ve came along way, I really have but it will always be challenging…when a person has acted the same way almost their entire life, it’s hard to retrain the brain and emotional responses. The first step was developing self awareness…and was willing to be honest about my behaviors without that change won’t happen! Don’t give up! ❤

[@elenamaldonado7304]

I have the same problem.

[@lizvillegas6603]

I needed this. Been struggling lately with a vicious cycle of magnifying my feelings and being overwhelmed, which leads me to feel the bad things more. Thank you so much!

[@GreensnGuitars]

Me too ❤

[@bobreiter1863]

You can't treat reality, yourself, and others like one-sided caricatures. Personally speaking, I find one of my anger triggers is when someone paints me only using my negatives without any regard for the positives. I then accept their skewed verdict and accept the emotion of self-hate. Thank you so much for this video. It really gave me a lot to think about. You are really good at what you do.

[@RachaelJohn]

Gosh. Same. I hate it. Hopefully we'll get better.

[@audaniataylor4853]

God, me too. I had a boss who is young, energetic, sharp, and obviously used to being in charge. I was raised in an abusive household with a cult-life religion that emphasized black and white thinking. You're going to heaven or you're going to hell. You're a good girl or a whore. There was no in-between and this boss's disparaging attitude toward me is something I still fight in my head all the time. It's exhausting.

[@xoashley8402]

omg yes! i thought it was just me

[@eclispedessence]

I do this all the time. I’ve actually been accused of overusing extreme language to express my dissatisfaction and it really bothers my boyfriend. Sometimes I notice he doesn’t respond for one minute and suddenly I assume he hates me and I tell him he “never” replies to me or is “always” away or “always” chooses others over me. but in reality, it’s just my rejection sensitivity and fear of losing him rising to the surface. I grew up with a very, VERY unstable family where people would spontaneously combust over nothing (or very trivial triggers) and blow up for a few minutes to maybe an hour then simmer down in the same day. It’s been so intense cops have been called here. I’ve witnessed the most tumultuous ups and downs from my family members since I was a child and I suspect I adopted similar behavior, which sucks. Once I feel something is wrong or I’ve been hurt by somebody, I feel like the victim, like it’s the end and everything sucks and it usually dissipates within the same day, though recalling it will allow for it to linger. Thanks for this video! As somebody with severe trauma (from my family as well as things outside them), rejection sensitivity, anxiety, self esteem issues, you name it… my emotional dysregulation has undoubtedly sabotaged my close relationships and opportunities in life. I wish I could see things more objectively and practice patience, cause if I don’t get instant gratification, I often assume the worst and start reading minds to justify my horribilizations.

[@IfeomaNwanze1ze]

Same here

[@5itka]

very well put and relatable

[@xLiLlyx98]

Absolutely same, but also the mind reading becomes a source of anxiety in itself and makes me fear that people will withdraw because I kind of assumed the worst of them... just trying to make people think that me fearing they hate me has actually very little to do with them lol

[@love_and_protection_9993]

Wow I related to all of this a lil too much haha good to know I’m not alone

[@xLiLlyx98]

@@love_and_protection_9993 hi welcome to the club I hope we all get to leave again someday 😂

[@74beehoney]

As a therapist myself, I truly appreciate your ability to provide such thorough and helpful psycho-ed in a way that is going to be more digestible for viewers than clinical speak. 😊 Thank you !

[@chanbriajackson4679]

Agreed

[@HeyMichsi]

I think anyone who's trying to successfully live beyond survival mode needs to hear this. It certainly hit deep for me thanks so much.

[@LightnessofJoy]

I grew up with a parent who expressed verbally black and white thinking, and made it hard to think outside of that trap, and it took awhile to learn that there are other options/ways of thinking. Even though I could tell both my parent and I were aware of nuances, we weren’t yet equipped with the verbal skills to express them. I am much better now with this thank goodness, and can overcome helplessness.

[@LomeLindi]

I'm in this boat as well. Being raised by someone who is dominated by black n white thinking makes it hard to see grey in the world, but it's definitely possible once we catch ourselves doing it.

[@jennifermiller5041]

I tend to be a black and white thinker. Ugh..I don't want to be. I also have lots of trauma and not much trust, due to legit reasons. It's so hard to work your way out of this.

[@salsadip7453]

@@jennifermiller5041 its ok to keep the circle small even if most people are definetly grey, doesnt mean they are good for us a few trsuted uplifting people are enough, rest can be filled with friendship to oneself went from social butterfly to loner, but recovering. the right people find you, when you are stepping in the right direction!

[@tedspradley809]

"I could tell both my parent and I were aware of nuances, we weren’t yet equipped with the verbal skills to express them" That's not black and white Thinking, it's black and white Talking. Big difference, as long as we're aware of it.

[@redhead911126]

Things get complicated when you grew up second guessing yourself because you were gaslighted a lot so now you end up getting very black and white in arguments because thinking in grey feels like gaslighting and second guessing. And I think a lot of my black and white thinking also comes from self protection because I don't feel like I can trust people, and I have tried to reach my own high expectations for so long that I don't even trust myself and it really hurts to try and "fail" or trust and get rejected or let down. But black and white thinking never feels good. I just feel constantly stuck and I am aware that I am difficult to live with and it triggers even more shame and I just want to withdraw even more because it adds to the narrative that I'm bad or I can't trust people to be able to tolerate me.

[@dobedobedo1982]

I was thinking the very same thing while watching it. Very similar experience to what you describe (and I'm also a redhead :^). I have worked super hard over the last year to finally reconnect to who I really am and learn to trust myself. It's essential for your healing for you to be able to say "this was not my fault, someone did this to me" and yes, maybe they did it because of their own trauma, but that's theirs to deal with. By the way, I have found the Internal Family Systems approach to be invaluable for reconnecting to myself and addressing my triggers. Just mentioning it in case it's also useful for you.

[@Blissfulbizz]

THISSSS

[@svondriska]

So-I’m struggling tonight and have dealt with ideation due to trauma and other crap and that’s pretty much where I was at tonight. My therapist recommended this video as we identified this as a thinking error. It’s largely based around teaching from Dr. David Burns who wrote “Feeling Good”. I logically understand the concepts and can completely digest and comprehend the theory/theories.. however, just as (how I heard/interpreted) you noted-this thinking NEVER feels good. There is no satisfaction or validation. IThe struggle is noting it-recognizing when it happens, working it out according to all the sheets and still ending up feeling no different than where I started. The discouragement is palpable. You put into words things I have been trying to figure out how to relay to my therapist so candidly, thoughtfully and clearly explained. I really needed help with that so seriously, thank you so much.

[@emikotagahushi941]

This sounds so much like me! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being guarded around people. That’s probably healthier than not being guarded at all, like what I struggle with lol. I tend to meet people and assume they’re all good, so when they do something I see as bad, I think oh they’re such bad people. That’s when I become guarded. I’ve learned now that - they’re just them, I’m just me, we’re all just trying to get through life the only way we know how. We’re all on the same boat, so let’s just chill. It doesn’t mean to let your guard down, but just realize that they’re people too - with flaws, their own issues, motives, opinions, day to day businesses. I think you may feel you can’t trust people because you can’t control them - at least that’s how I used to feel. But coming to accept that is a really freeing moment. So even when they disappoint you, you can say it’s okay and move on because they probably just had their own reasons. Same for having high expectations for yourself and failing. I learned that the hard way and fell into a dark place for two years where I didn’t land the college or job that I wanted. When I came out of that hole, I realized that I COULD be satisfied in a “mediocre” place too, at least I would’ve called it mediocre back then. Now it’s my happy place, because I’ve come to terms that I set high expectations thinking the others were unacceptable or pathetic(in a sense), but now I’m in that “pathetic” place and you know, it’s not as bad as my parents made it out to be. It’s not the “black” extreme side, it’s just another place. Things are what you make them out to be. So, I’d say, yes, set life goals, but not as if they’re high expectations. Just think of them as things you want to accomplish. Setting them on some pedestal will make them feel unreachable and you’ll be disappointed if you don’t reach them. But setting goals on the horizon - now those are just in the distance, and you can take steps to get there. :)

[@shaunaniguns]

Same. Also a redhead.

[@barbaracimini1447]

Wow! This was seriously useful, since I’m a classic black & white thinker. I was able to instantly see how these less reactive strategies can result in a richer, softer, happier, more loving experience of life.

[@RailynLynnie]

A wise reel once told me 'You're entitled to your emotions but how you react is your own fault'.

[@pjmackall]

Reframing can be damaging when dealing with a narcissist. You start to create positive reasons about them that talk you out of getting away from the abuse.

[@ohnoohno25]

I agree. It’s a great video, but this is not the one for me and he would not be interested in growing from it.

[@FitzyS]

Exactly some things are really black and white and some aren’t lol! It’s the ability to differentiate between the two, that’s the issue.

[@jd_music23]

So, this is just to offer some prespective on how nuanced thinking could still help someone deal with and leave a narcicist or even learn to heal from a narcicist ex and you might totally disagree but that's okay. (To be clear. I'll say "you" a lot here but I'm just meaning you as in anyone really) Firstly the nuanced thinking might not need to be on whether or not they're actions/words hurt you and are toxic for you as that is probably pretty clear they did and if you're being "honest" then it probably will be that they are wrong for you and all the pain they've caused you is very real! However the nuance might be calming yourself through emotional reactivity to realise that actually you are wasting your energy arguing with them. Or it may be challenging your own negative self-perception to realise you're not the problem, it's them and remove the black-and-white belief that they're always right and thoughts that may occur such as "I'm just useless/hopeless/stupid" which they might have triggered you to believe. Or it might be that you realise you are engaging with them in a way that triggers their narcicistic behaviour (maybe you're not assertive enough or too assertive or criticising them triggers certain behaviour) so you then you have the information on how to avoid certain situations if you can't leave them yet (I mean we're hoping that's aim; to leave but sometimes you need time to build the strength to plan a departure) or you yourself might feel societal shame in leaving them that you can "never hold down a relationship" or "it would be terrible to be seen having a fallout" which is more black-and-white thinking you may have and that ultimately the best thing is in fact to walk away! Finally when healing it may be realising that they are in fact a hurt scared inner child and whilst you still need to get away from them you might reframe them afterwards not as someone who is the "worst person ever" and instead someone who you were hurt by and doesn't have the skills to deal with adult life but you still ultimately choose to leave and block out of your life for your own health and that may be easier for some people's recovery too as it help you let go of the pain if you're seeing the human rather than the narcicist. So I would argue that nuanced thinking could actually A. Help you identify a narcicist sooner and B. Help you realise that the relationship (whatever kind of relationship it is) isn't working for you and you need to cut them out. That's not to say any of this applies to you or that you need to thinking this way to be clear but just to point out examples of how this thinking could be considered nuanced and less emotionally reactive. I think it's really to do with how the conclusion is reached rather than the conclusion itself. Nuanced thinking can still involve you realising that someone is a huge red flag that you need to get away from them and maybe see past limiting beliefs that may stop you from seeing that.

[@nagadoooo]

@@jd_music23 this was a really, really helpful reframe. I have people who have been harming me in my life and although this video has a really great advice, it’s tricky when I try to apply it to my situation. But your examples of how nuanced thinking could help with narcissists helps. Thank you!

[@Pancakes4dindin]

So then dont deal with narcissists. Leave.

[@parisazamani1751]

I love the idea of being specific. When we dig into the situation we realize that there wasn’t a serious problem and we are only exaggerating and overreacting. Plus it takes time and it cools us down.

[@maramhaddadin4499]

I cannot even describe how thankful I am to have you being part of my life. You helped me tremendously..

[@madslynne7372]

I used black and white thinking to leave my abusive partner. And I continue to use it nearly three years later when I catch myself slipping wondering if I made the right choice. I did make the right choice.

[@chirpie11]

The best choice!

[@diandreabrown8711]

The BEST CHOICE

[@xLiLlyx98]

Well, I guess in that case it's better to keep the black and white thinking. As in "that person was the worst choice for me and I should never get back in touch with them!" Because it's true in that case.

[@JillDeim]

I love this person AND I need to leave them permanently for my own safety. I want to make the relationship work AND i see continual red flags that make it abundantly clear it’s time to leave them for good. I’m going to miss this person AND it will be the best decision of my life. It will be expensive and scary AND it will be worth it. I don’t feel worthy to leave AND I feel I deserve better.

[@itsyourcaptainyt]

1,5 years of on and off therapy and this is the most useful, actionable thing I've heard so far. Thank you.

[@falconbritt5461]

This is SO very helpful for those of us raised by parents who were severely traumatized themselves, parents who might today be diagnosed with any (or all) of the following: narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, rage, depression... Being raised by such dysregulated and extremely emotional and negative people gets us started in the womb (literally, both energetically and chemically) and then trains us in this kind of thinking and feeling for as many years as we stay in the home. It's a lot to overcome and rewire, but BW thinking is definitely the place to start. Thank you SO much for your videos!

[@tomasnilsson866]

Thank you ❤

[@RecaJ333]

My roommate once told me I think in color, but most people think black and white. I didn’t understand quite what she meant then, but after watching this do. Thinking in “color” is beautiful AND stressful. I always feel like I’m in the middle because I understand where the other person is coming from, and all they see is white or black.

[@lemurpotatoes7988]

Always?

[@BR-ck2vd]

Thinking in color is a great way of putting it. I tend to be under reactive for just that reason. I see the whole picture while the folks raging are focused on one triggering piece of the puzzle. For the same reason, I'm very slow to anger or feeling hurt, because I generally take a step back for perspective. It's definitely something we can all learn by noticing when our thoughts are extreme or negative (we can all fall into a victim/self pity mindset when we're highly stressed) and taking the time to question those absolutes until they become more realistic & positive thoughts. It's just like any other habit that requires patience & practice.

[@Zetos]

@@lemurpotatoes7988 😂

[@matildamatilda1836w]

@Lawreca I'm so the same, thank you for putting words to it so well! ☺️

[@RecaJ333]

@@lemurpotatoes7988 YES!

[@sarahjane7082]

This video was in my recommendations, I hadn’t watched anything like it before but I am so grateful it popped up. I just realised how emotionally reactive I am. I’m constantly saying “I have no time, I am literally so busy every hour that I’m awake,” etc. I also get so worked up whenever I need to do something like a presentation or a class that, when I’m finished, I feel so relieved it almost feels like I’m surprised that I survived it, like I convinced myself that doing something like a presentation or running a class will literally kill me. My emotions are so extreme, there really is no grey area, but I’m so thankful I just watched this and will definitely try to catch myself anytime I start using black and white thinking. Thanks for the video!

[@jennag5715]

This video came up as a recommended video in my feed. I'm happy I watched it. When I get upset, I often think in black and white and later communicate my feelings (emotional reactivity) in black and white. This video helped me understand how this is damaging to my well-being and possibly even my relationships with others. Thank you

[@cheesycheez]

My therapist helped me so much with how I describe things to myself. My life isn't less stressful than it used to be, but I've become less bothered because I can acknowledge both the lovely and stressful things in my life, and when I think of my stressors now, I know they are temporary. I'm so glad to see someone is making this kind of information to help oneself more accessible for more folkx :)

[@RaulShr6771]

This was an interesting way of addressing emotional reactivity. In contrast to this, I find it amazing how so much of social media actually trains this “black and white” thinking. I am thankful that there are human beings like yourself who are helping others become more aware of their thoughts and emotions. It is very much needed in today’s world 🤗

[@whathappenedwas7083]

I’m 32 now and over past five years since lots of loss and stress (step father / bio father/ and sister passed on and moving twice); long story short: my patience to not get irritated and annoyed then upset so fast has been severely tested . Been praying also to have my patience, kindness and empathy to grow. And forgiveness as well for hurt I’ve caused even if unintentional or unknowingly.

[@salsadip7453]

best wishes to you!

[@Kelbeangirl93]

You got this I wish you well in your journey to a better u and smile

[@songindarkness]

Omg in years of counselling and therapy I have never had a therapist actually break down why black and white thinking is so difficult to break out of before and why it’s so bad in the long term. This is incredible. Thank you!

[@little_miss_vintage]

As someone with BPD and MDD who does this black and white thinking non stop - this is SO helpful! I took a ton of notes and adding this to my treatment plan❤

[@relyTyllaeR]

You've basically just confirmed what I've been doing for a little bit now in my healing journey. It's good to know that I'm heading in the right direction at least.

[@lankanikai8056]

This is one of the best videos I came across, I was diagnosed with BPD and emotional regulation and black and white thinking is a big part, I will use this when I have my moments

[@mona5713]

This is one of the most life changing things I've heard in long time, for people who are ready to take responsibility. Thank you

[@aishwarjyagoswami1449]

This came up on my feed when I was intensely raging and crying out in response to something. And although, my feelings aren't unjustified, I need to work on not getting carried away by this black/white thinking pattern. It only makes matters extremely worse for me and everyone else around me. Thank you for these videos.

[@helenivanova5440]

This lady truly deserves her more than a million subscribers, doesn't she?:)

[@PrestoJacobson]

1.21 million is a lot to me! I liked the video and don't understand why the need for ads if she privately practices. Maybe better help is legit and the doctors can give out FMLA; I dunno.

[@helenivanova5440]

@@PrestoJacobson well, some extra money is always good. Besides, she spends time for making videos so why to reject being paid for them?

[@PrestoJacobson]

@@helenivanova5440 true, it's a problem with most video creators, like Alex the Analyst.

[@helenivanova5440]

@@PrestoJacobson you mean, ads are problem? Well, maybe some options exist when you can pay a bit money and don't see irritating ads...I don't know, i live in Russia, so because of all sanctions, restrictions and prohibitions we don't see ads anyway.

[@jayciet.3240]

She deserves her subscribers cause she's wants to help people. She's helped me figure out a lot of things and traumas that had me stuck in life. If it weren't for people like her, seriously I don't know where I'd be. So thank you for all you share with us!

[@mrslovato3263]

This is gonna change my life. I'm so grateful. I have ADHD and need to become resilient so bad.

[@Plantbliss]

The KZbin algorithm is listening. And I thank you. This is me and I know it. It’s a work in progress to deal with it. Not fast enough for my husband or me for that matter but it is a forward progression, mostly

[@gfawka]

Emma, I just wanted to say that it's thanks to you and to your videos that I decided to try therapy (through BetterHelp) and it did help me a lot! I am still on it and still progressing, I've been doing it for around 3 months now. I was afraid to try it and I started watching your videos as a substitute to therapy, but then I decided to try therapy and I am so glad I did. So I just wanted to thank you for helping me make this important step in my life.

[@tnt4648]

That's wonderful 😊. Wishing you much success in your healing ❤️ 🙏🏽 . Therapy can be really awesome!!!

[@PeaceLoveUnityRespect]

Despite watching so many of your videos and getting so much help from them every time I open up or see a new release I'm a little bit reluctant because I sort of feel like I should be able to handle my issues myself but after I watch your videos it truly gives me an understanding on how I feel impacts the way that the rest of my body reacts and I am highly appreciative of the work you do here on KZbin.

[@lezliehammer]

Thank you for this. I have depression and have always had a black and white viewpoint, but I didn't recognize it until now. I will work on being more specific and truthful.

[@vegansinthewildover5023]

I catch myself doing this often while I’m driving. I’ll see a car with a fancy trailer attached to it or some thing and I’ll say boy, everybody has a nicer camper than me. Or I’ll hit one red light and think oh no, I’m hitting every red light today. But then I will laugh at myself and bring myself back to earth. Thank you for this, it is very helpful.🎉

[@jankonig5359]

Always is always wrong and never is never right 🙂 thank you for your great content 🙏

[@hailey813]

My issue is much more inner than outer. My extreme emotional response is when someone accuses me or challenges me or bothering me when I'm all socialized out. I try to hold in the emotion and be polite but they won't stop, won't listen, won't let me escape. I keep trying to mask myself until I explode in either anger or tears. I don't deal well with conflict at all and I generally end up having an unreasonable emotional response. And to the outside view its sudden and out of nowhere, where I've just lost this great war of social propriety against my own panic

[@terrylynn7936]

Oh, I can relate to that so well!!

[@wendi2819]

I relate to this. I'm holding it in too. So then when I react it looks like it just happened out of the blue. But it's been moving towards a volcanic eruption inside of me for hours or days.

[@Lyddiebits]

Hi!!! Are you me???

[@salsadip7453]

i face similair struggles i think i, for myself dont connect enough/have overgone something when that happens i am well prepared for a lot of situations, but sometimes the battery is empty and THEN. its hard to to, especially if life throws challenges your way when you try to retreat but it surely can be done we can do it!

[@iamkevinkouassi]

Have a journal at hand or your memo voice app. And start venting on it. Everything you would like to say. The act of writing will calm you. Then, go to the person and request that you’d like to read them something. And read what you wrote. The more you do it, the less you’ll need your journal to express your emotions.

[@Stupify8]

Oh my. I’ve been recognizing my black and white thinking ever since I’ve been an adult. I’ve been like this my whole life. Only recently have I started noticing this frame of thinking was damaging. A driver who cuts me off is an idiot. Someone said something thoughtless - never want to be friends with HIM. Even my “whites” were extreme, things were “so amazing/completely awesome” etc. just so reactive. This video is so helpful. Take a deep breath and slow yourself down. ❤❤

[@sarahovenall9246]

This girl has her knowledge and understanding down! This black and white issue is something many people really struggle with, and she puts this so clearly, simply, and with things you can do to get better. Thank you for these AMAZING videos!!!

[@azureavocado5195]

She’s a woman and a Licensed Therapist - not a “girl”.

[@jdb8171]

I'm working on my black/white thinking about black/white thinking. It's been an eye opening journey to discover how tuned into having to be "being right" all the time and how people (family, friends, co workers, etc.) react to me when I'm in this mode of thinking. When I get distance from the thought patterns and take responsibility for them, I can see how that insecurity of needing approval can be insidious. I'm also getting better at seeing these behaviors in others and I can not take it personally...even when others are doing their best to make it personal.

[@ElvisSonicMaverick]

From a single mother of a 3 year old boy, first generation of being a sober parent to my child and a meth and alcohol recovering momma...thank you.....had the craziest day today...we're in Alaska and it's raining in winter. We're stuck inside and your video helped me so much , thank you from the bottom of my heart. ❤

[@horrormoviereactions]

I hope you and your boy are warm and safe, congratulations on your recovery. I hope you have some support in-person, and I am grateful you're doing the work to make sure his childhood is secure. That's a lot to overcome, you should be so proud of yourself.

[@dimplewraich7257]

I cannot express my gratitude enough for you for giving free therapy to a lot of people in need of help. I’ve never found the therapists I saw not helpful at all. They were quite useless and ahd no knowledge about therapy and this is just a video and 1000 folds more useful ❤

[@quinalexander2580]

I wish i would’ve watched this before today! I was horriblizing all over the place today but this really helped reframe my thoughts about the situation. This is going to be super useful in the future because I catastrophize so often. Thank you for literally saving me one video at a time

[@elevenbyfive]

I think it's clear that i needed to watch this since my first reaction was "oh, god, i'm ALWAYS doing this..." !!! It's really useful to have some clear, simple steps to follow. Your videos help me a lot. Thank you.

[@srtbluekat6748]

🤣

[@IreneL]

The part where you mentioned our ancestors reminded me of this quote that I read recently '' Everything that we feel inside has a charge, a frequency, so what we call the “negative qualities” or the distortions, they also have a charge. They are almost like a habit that we have. '' - Andrew Kenneth Fretwell (from his book Emotional Alchemy: The Love and Freedom Hidden Within Painful Feelings)

[@syh4533]

Tried that. Telling them my frustration for lying to me. Instead I was accused of playing victim, being blamed for something else etc, rather than taking accountability

[@caroline_1881]

that doesn't mean that you did it wrong. maybe your partner is an abuser and likes gaslighting

[@69emokittie]

I've gone thru the same thing for most of my life. With my dad, a lil bit with my mom (but she rarely does that ever anymore), my brother, my grandma (on my mom's side), some bosses/coworkers, some friends and most of my romantic partners. Its pretty hurtful and is genuinely very confusing when you're doing what is technically the correct and healthy thing to do and other people end up flipping it around on you. And from personal experience, each time it happens, I find it to be more hurtful and confusing than the last; it also makes it increasingly difficult for me to even understand or trust my reality. Going thru this is awful and can be pretty damaging to a individuals brain. It just tends to cause the person (who was originally doing the correct thing) to instead start going in the opposite direction and can cause them to even start acting more like the people that gaslight/abuse them. And if you're trying to learn/heal this, it can feel sometimes impossible to make any positive progress when ur in those moments, dealing with a toxic individual. Multiple times in my life I have relearned the healthy and correct reactions/responses (created new pathways for my behavior. Consistently forming it to be habit till it was automatic and I felt pretty solid with myself and felt extremely healed from where I was)... just to have a toxic person/ppl repeatedly, consistently and frequently gaslight me, call me crazy, ECT....then BOOM! Before I even realize anything, Im essentially having to start back over from scratch with my healing. Each time it happens, it is intensely more difficult for me to restart the healing again.

[@nickp6498]

My emotions are constantly pushing me around like I’m their bitch. Everything negative that happens is an identity crisis where I question what kind of person I am (because I did this, that makes me THIS kind of person), and the way people view me or the way I think people view me, becomes how I view myself. So my mind becomes a roller coaster. Not sure how to overcome this. I’m tired of being tired.

[@blessing291]

samedt!!! i even dream in this behaviour no joke...terrible nightmares and waking life😂

[@deztheray8935]

This was a while ago so I don’t know if you’ve made progress or not but I used to be the same way. I was so depressed in junior high and high school and would always react so angrily to everything, I’d scream and yell and would get so angry and have no self control. If you’re on birth control I’d recommend against one that has estrogen cause it magnifies your emotions, also I started writing in a positivity journal, so I only write things I’m grateful for or positive things about other people. And be specific if you do this, like I was grateful so and so said this to me today, or something like that. It’s hard at first but you’re exercising your brain to think positively more often. Another thing that’s helped me a lot is God, reading his scriptures and praying to him has helped me so much to become stronger and have more self control. Also therapy! I don’t know if you can afford it but find a therapist and pushes you, not one of those cushy ones that just agrees with everything you say.

[@SherifatSuliemon-lw6ls]

Here is everything you need to know about Emotions, specifically anger. Do you know that all emotions are sensations? Be it anger, happiness, etc. And how you react during anger is how you react with others too. When happy, you rushly do, say and promise stuffs, same with anger, just that the difference is one is positive and the other is negative..but for you to really understand, after your actions, be it happinees or sadness, how do you feel? There are 2 ways of acting with any emotions. 1. Over. 2. Under. Over simply means, acting immediately the emotions happens, which often times leads to saying too much. While Under is ignoring what is there, which helps on the short run but eventually makes you overly react on the long run. This 2 approaches, you must have tried, especially if you struggle with emotions, and you must have wondered what the problem could be? So here it is. Emotions are there to pass a message of your body to you. At the point when it arises, notice the thoughts, and the first practise is learning to be with it instead of reacting. While the 2nd practise is listen to the message. 3rd practise is, by the time the emotions has subside, communicate it with love, through request rather than complains. Let me know if you need help and i am open to guiding you, i also recently droped a video about it on my channel, hopefully it helps you better understand. Love to you my peeps❤

[@Phoenix-kd1we]

I didn't know that my reactivity comes from black and white thinking. Thank you very much for this video! I appreciate the sheet to download. 50% less reactive sounds great to me.

[@jasonvanbreda4749]

This helped me realise the size of this black and white thinking thing (but trying to be balanced with that too). How quickly I use extremes (and times I've tried to prevent my wife from doing the same thing), and therefore to be aware of what I allow myself to think and say.

[@AWAShowme]

I learned more in 10 minutes than I ever did in many hours with a counselor / therapist. This video deserves to be shown in schools and everywhere. Thanks very much for sharing.

[@iwonabender2531]

In this video there is a suggestion that we shoul analyse our reactions. The problem is that overreacting leave no gap for analysis. There is a trigger, body state and reaction. Any analyses could be done only after. So, the challenge is how to break or modify this strong neurological connection for the future. Because if we are already in this highly emotional state, is too late. We are unable to think, and breathing is too weak to change such states.

[@imiloa.]

This. Is. So. True.

[@beebee3333]

This is fine if you are overreacting to trivial stressors. Not useful if you have actually been traumatized and your despair is an accurate response to what has happened.

[@5tw3b45tcf]

I think I needed this information nowadays. I often get into stressful situations where I think people don't respect my boundaries. I think being stressed tempts me to use black and white thinking more. I think I have a hard time vocalizing/articulating my perspective and being more assertive.

[@brittanypowell1173]

Great video, so relevant. I find that I can see a world a gray OUTSIDE myself. When it comes to my own emotions and situations, I'm black and white. My mom was the same way. I grew up with her constantly using "all" or "never" statements so that it became so normal. Time to break through my own polarized thinking and cut myself some slack when I'm hating on myself. Thanks for the video!

[@Mary-on4js]

I wish more people put in the work to be a good human. I'm not patting myself on the back, but I'm applauding everyone watching this video. To improve themselves, their lives, and the lives of others. Having grown up with an emotionally reactive parent, I could've only dreamed she'd watch something like this. I now consider it such a privilege to put in this work before having my own children, to carry on these messages and hopefully help others as well.

[@AatikaKhanTheDarkHorse]

It's my favorite channel. I never knew her name (I just checked, it's Emma). When I search for my problems, I get therapy in a nutshell in the search results. I can only identify that this video is going to be the most helpful, as usual, by the channel name and Emma's photo. Thank you, Emma. I believe you are underrated on KZbin. You deserve more views. Thank you from Pakistan.

[@lizbusby86]

Could you do a video from the other side? What are the best ways to respond to someone who is emotionally reactive when you aren't (or at least are striving not to be)? Any tips for healthy conflict?

[@kategilbert1158]

Yes! I would love some help with this as well. Thank you

[@jennifermejia6274]

I would love this video to be made as well

[@shilohhosanna]

Yes please!

[@therealkakitron]

As an aspie adult, it's actually difficult for me to become emotional, even when I try, so when my wife and I fight about something, I typically stay collected and can be more nuanced about what's being said, vs her who reacts very emotionally and uses superlative terms like "always" etc. So what I do is simply identify when we're past the point where she's no longer engaged in the argument factually and I just tell her that I'd like to remove myself from the scene. Of course in the moment she gets upset about that too, but it takes only a few minutes of her having a bit of space and she cools enough to start thinking about the issue clearly again, without the overwhelming emotions. I think as the person who stays more cool headed it's the best thing you can do.

[@QueenCloveroftheice]

Love this idea!

[@the_furf_of_july4652]

Thank you for putting the sponsorship at the end! Even though it’s for betterhelp, it’s still great for making the video flow better and feel more genuine, and I appreciate it

[@KismetKat11]

Perfect timing. I’m struggling with situations at work and realize my self talk and complaining isn’t make things better, doh! I knew I needed to change course, change something. This is so helpful to give myself some agency back and keep myself from feeling (playing) the victim. I need to be held accountable too.

[@ninacueva3828]

This video was so informative, concise, and well summarized! I try to keep in mind that most, if not all, things aren’t as simple as black and white. Growing up and observing my parents use black and white thinking, I came to see it as oversimplifying and hurtful. Now I understand why much better! Thank you, Emma!

[@twirlygirlie1]

I appreciate your videos SO much because whenever I’m told to “lighten up” or “just let it go”or various other gems, I always ask, “What are the steps to that?” and here you are… 1, 2, 3, 4! THANK YOU!!!!!!

[@Lana-px7gc]

As Eckhart Tolle says, stay in the present moment with awareness that observes but does not identify with the thoughts and emotions that arise from them and also with the realization that they are being produced by the fears and insecurities of the ego.

[@kasturipatra9128]

This is invaluable advice. I've been going through some difficult emotions, and this showed me the way. Cannot thank you enough for what you do, Emma. 💜🙏🏽

[@emilytreu2312]

It’s so hard to catch yourself doing this! It comes so naturally especially when you’re in your feelings

[@carlapaperdoll]

Breaking this thinking habit has freed me from my depression, of course with the help of meditation and other tools my psychologists gave me. Accepting you need help is the first step. Next is seeking it.

[@jayt4835]

This is something I figured out years ago. I didn’t know the definitions or words but i absolutely realized why I catastrophized everything. I’m far from an expert on how to handle those moments but my goodness I have been able to dramatically improve my thought processes and reactions. I’m also generally a happier and kinder person.

[@elizabethwomack4829]

I love these videos - they are so logical. I could see this mindset and process being perfect for short interactions or relationships where both parties are logical/desire to improve. I only wish it also applied to toxic work environments. There is really no "winning" with those. And try and I might to reframe, when the same situation repeats time and again, it solidifies itself in my head as a fact. The 20th instance of "they were both mean and may have just been having a bad day", or "My boss isn't a bad boss; he told me he would talk to [coworker] and not to worry about it" is just me lying to myself. That person really is just a crab with no respect for others and that boss really isn't a good boss if the only way to get him to address an issue is to receive a call from HR after I went over his head. Toxic work conflict leaves me feeling either trampled-upon (if I didn't react to the situation), being labelled dramatic/a complainer (reported to boss/human resources dept.), or called a villain (stood up for myself). Don't get me wrong, I have had some good bosses in the past, but in the toxic environments there is no such thing. It feels impossible to reframe situations with family-business bosses who really do put blood, not only before other employees, but before logic, profit, customers, ethical business practices, laws...etc. every single time. Or supervisors who really do never question the senior employee despite continuous issues. (Such as being blatantly and routinely absent without approval, PTO, or explanation, talking back to superiors and telling them they "don't want" to do something and to give it to so-and-so instead, sowing seeds of contempt between departments - without provocation - by making unbidden and off topic replies that falsely insinuate mistrust and blame.) The boss that is so fearful of turnover (even of a lackluster employee) that they tell other employees to ignore the bad employee's behavior, even physical threats, or false claims against someone that could (and have in the past) result in their termination despite the recurrent nature of these issues and the knowledge that they will continue to arise over and over. Where there is no logic, even logical solutions fail.

[@teresalaws7861]

That is so helpful. I didn’t even realise I was thinking in black and white when it came to emotional situations until I watched this.👍

[@dfoster7452]

I know this is how I operate at times. Happy to see this video.

[@jamielawrence4749]

wow, this is a really great perspective shift about someone being "the worst" and me being "the best" as a form of vindication. I always thought it was just me being broken and critical to myself. But this is actually a little loophole that I think actually helps way more!! I want to get out of this loop. Called me out!! Haha. So appreciated. There is a lot of stuff I'd like to just "not deal with" so it seems easier to not be the one who is responsible for fixing it.

[@steviebelieves8320]

My therapist used to call it ‘splitting’ when I made out that something was all bad or all good.. thanks you are wonderful

[@mr.brightside6119]

Thank you for this! Never hurts to be a little more accountable for ourselves!

[@annabellacrewe8858]

Great, I used ro work wih this as a social worker many years ago..I had to learn myself, because of my own opbringing and social environment..So good to listen to this reminder. In fact necesary being 71' I still have to rehearse a bit !❤

[@harmonymiller7999]

I am so grateful for you! Thank you for this! I didn’t realize my black and white thinking was such an issue. This is so helpful!

[@sunflowerthatkeepsgrowing]

Thank you,I struggled with just seeing things based on pat patterns and tend to misjudge/misinterpret situations based on how I think they are in my mind which made me cry a lot then later when I get clarity , I feel like I literally keep on hurting myself over nothing and the anxiety keeps growing so this was really helpful because I really want to stop feeding my mind with negativity ❤

[@lrwhcymru]

This video REALLY resonates with me . I’ve been trying lots of things to improve my relationship with work stress recently and haven’t been able to articulate the problem but this video has illuminated it clearly. Thank you so much for uploading this ❤

[@tylerbenjamin328]

I just finished cosmetology school and I applied for my first job in a salon. They were taking a while, but they did want to give me a job offer. In my excitement I fell into this black and white line of thinking. "If they wanted to give me a job why is it taking so long? Surely they can't be serious about hiring me?" Long story short instead of relaxing I "reacted" my way out of that job haha!! It's okay though because I'm recognizing these behaviors for what they are and I have another interview today. 😄 lol thanks for the great video, all the examples you gave really helped! 🥰🥰🥰

[@gazingupwards6387]

I have noticed that I become extremely impulsive with anger when I'm in a hurry, usually after I've been procrastinating. I have an ADHD diagnosis and no longer take medications for personal reasons. I don't really use the words you mention often since I had gone through CBT and learned, for the most part, to stop those thinking traps. My mind goes into blaming others and for some reason I become ultra sensitive to noises, especially repetitive sounds/speech(like alarms, beeps from messages, a movie that has not yet been started and repeating the same tune, hearing repetitive small talk when I'm busy and don't care to talk). Once I get annoyed under stressed circumstances whether it be from hormones or running behind and wanting to shut down the distractions, it's very difficult to talk myself down. The best thing to prevent me from feeling intense rage is to acknowledge that I am not perfect and it's okay to be human, I got behind or screwed up and I just have to slow down and accept where I am and what i need to do and trying to use my adrenaline as motivation will hurt myself and others most of the time. I have just recently realized that my reactions to not reacting when angered by noises feels exactly like intense withdrawal symptoms that i had gone through when quitting smoking, or that feeling of need that i feel when fasting I feel like i use adrenaline as some kind of angry motivation to push myself. I believe reacting to anger is a habit/addiction that is necessary to withdrawal from. Anger adrenaline works, but it makes me feel like crap. Sometimes I'll make clicking sounds to distract myself from noises or turn on white noise. I have learned to deal so much better than in the past. I have much better self control. I still have a bad habit of procrastination but I don't explode and feel like people are purposefully wanting to cause me more issues. I accept accountability for what I am aware of within myself. I share these things because I have searched for answers and understanding and would like to share my experiences to contribute to the knowledge given here in this video. Thank you for your videos.

[@katievilichay2359]

I could relate to this SO much-I wasn’t even into the second sentence yet and was already wondering “does this person have ADHD?”, bc I do too and this all sounds like me.

[@notdolgutz9728]

Haha wow are you me…??

[@gazingupwards6387]

@@notdolgutz9728 maybe an extension? Lol

[@gazingupwards6387]

@@katievilichay2359 I'm sorry you get it, lol

[@vanessaharris6559]

Thanks for breaking down black & white thinking! Definitely provides another way to view this. Makes sense fight or flight reactions. Very helpful- Thank you!

[@ArtOfShannonLee]

In response to ongoing childhood emotional abuse, I became like the calm in the storm. Except, I was calm on the outside and a storm on the inside. For a long time, I didn’t have any idea how badly I was doing, because I dissociated from my body so much that I didn’t know how to be IN it. I’ve been working on forcing myself to actually FEEL my feelings, and to try and express them in healthy ways. The end goal is to be as serene and unflappable internally as I always used to look from the outside. But that’s hard work. Thank you for this.

[@ianbosireobiye1268]

You really were honest: using “I feel” and giving the situation time so that you can chill are all honest!

[@KarimJovian]

Thank you

[@prosper4wardubbi915]

Sometimes what we need to do is to REACT. Do not forget that as well.

[@jesspressterp]

Something that has had a huge impact for me has been creating a relationship with my inner child with help from the “homecoming” book. When i get triggered i let my inner child vent and say everything she wants to say including bw thinking then i help her feel heard and comforted. Then POOF i feel calm and can face the situation with clarity because i felt acknowledged. Just being “honest” with myself with out feeling acknowledged… well i just never had the strength to overcome my triggers with that approach. But i still find this information very valuable!!

[@wendi2819]

I actually screenshot your comment, just like you are someone in group therapy with me and this input registers clear to my toes. Thank you! I read one of John Bradshaw's books close to 40 yrs ago now. I've never read Homecoming. This is the 2nd time I've seen it referenced in 5 days. Hmmm. I was emotionally abandoned throughout my childhood. So it's easy for me to abandon people places and things as a result. I will forget that about what my inner child knows and does! Then those regrets just break my mature person's heart. I hate myself for all those times I didn't wait for more I had information and just got out, or left. There's one big one that changed the course of my life. It still kills me and I still punish a little child (me) for only knowing how to discard because she was discarded. So thanks.🙏🏼 (I'm in 12 Step recovery now).

[@dianeattwell6294]

Awesome reply. You put something into words for me that I’ve never been able to adequately express. Thank you

[@jesspressterp]

@@wendi2819 Aw i'm glad someone benefited from my comment that's what i was hoping! definitely check out the book and take the time to do the meditations and writing your inner child needs this! and also check out @patrickteahan his channel has amazing stuff on inner child work. Take care!

[@siobhanfox1643]

I'm the queen of always and never when I'm in an argument. I learned about cognitive distortions years ago and have been trying to catch myself, but I love how this video gives actual tips of how to challenge the distortion in the moment. Thanks a lot. Your content is phenomenal.

[@MummaMia5]

I’m seriously going through one of the most difficult times of my life. This came up on my feed and couldn’t have come on a better day. Thank you SO much. I really needed to redirect my thinking to cope with what’s happened and what’s to come. 🙏❣️

[@allyson5712]

Yes!!! This is extremely helpful!!! The black and white thinking definitely plays a large part in my and my husband’s arguments, thank you!!! P.s. On a side note, you have that new-mom-glow about you, just beautiful, blessings to and yours 😊❤

[@Shay-wl4lx]

This is the best explanation of B&W thinking I've ever heard! Thank you!

[@BigBossMan538]

What do we do if we’re dealing with being bullied? How should we categorize people who do awful things? I’m not talking about not cleaning up after themselves or not communicating.

[@eminemilly]

Not sure but that sounds hard to deal with being bullied. I'd guess it depends but maybe categorize their actions instead of leveling them, just the actions they're doing or saying. And like she said don't black and white yourself putting yourself down too, you're just doing your best. As far as what actions to take to reduce stop or somehow cope with the bullying , I don't know. I hope maybe you can talk to someone about it And get some help. I can listen here if you need. Best of luck noone deserves to be bullied

[@eminemilly]

Labeling them**

[@BigBossMan538]

@@eminemilly I could've done without her smugness with her saying "You poor thing" and her video.

[@CathChartrand]

Thanks for your help! Everything is always clear and very useful.