What's the Best Way to Deal With a Narcissist?

What's the Best Way to Deal With a Narcissist?
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[@spencerkristich4369]

the best way to deal with a narcissist is to stay AWAY from them TRUST ME!

[@gumarovasquez5825]

Amen, just walk away.

[@digitalbrand5510]

Gray rock, no contact method.

[@hikerhobby1204]

Absolutely! They will eat you, spit you out and you’ll take years to heal!

[@Shay4YourMind81]

Totally agree 💯 Go no contact.

[@hcwoolfgmailcom]

Hey! "Trust me"... that exactly what a narcissist wold say. JK. 😁😂🤣😃😄😀😆😁😂🤣😃😄.

[@veeshoo2880]

There's only one way to deal with a narcissist: Don't. Dead serious, cut them off forever, no matter who they are.

[@jrbullock]

Stfu with this toxic masculine environment. There's toxic ppl but nothing about masculinity is toxic. Freaking leftist brainwashing bullcrap

[@juliecastro5987]

Your absolutely right

[@calliecrider2475]

What if the narcissist is the mother of your step children that you love dearly and have been fighting for custody of for 8 years? We got custody of my husbands oldest because he wanted to leave her household but we still have maintain contact with her and help foster a relationship between her and my husbands oldest. It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place 😔

[@lisajeter9511]

@@calliecrider2475 Pick your battles!

[@jacobturnbow2158]

Narcissists are some of the best people around, just ask them.

[@michellejohnson5217]

Counseling will backfire with a narcissist. It gives them ammo and makes things worse!

[@mightymouse1005]

Narcissist are masters at manipulation of therapist who doesn't specialize in Cluster B personality

[@dimphosweet]

I can testify to this

[@jordanbarker3854]

It does not give them ammo unless the counselor is an incompetent weenie!

[@sherriflemming3218]

Indeed you're correct. Toxic Parents by Susan Forward Safe People by Henry Cloud Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Safe People by Henry Cloud The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman

[@thereflextester]

Like tony soprano

[@AnnA-vg5vx]

The best way to deal with a narcissist is YOU DON'T. Cut ties.. happy life 😊.

[@karaa7595]

No contact is the only way to go. Narc abuse causes chronic illness which can lead to premature death.

[@kentc6973]

Like what?

[@rosannearcher6706]

Chronic fatigue syndrome, it's exhausting

[@sexygabby30]

Causing autoimmune disorders…depression brain imbalances…death

[@confusedwhynot]

Been through over 30 years of abuse and neglect from a narcissist. I have had 4 surgeries due to illness. Been through three hard pregnancies. Our children all have had health issues. I'm in counseling and so are all our children. My husband has been gone for over two years and I finally got to a place in my mind that I am strong enough to divorce him and move on. The kids don't have a relationship with their dad. I am rebuilding relationships with my siblings because the abuse has pushed my family away. My husband came from abuse and neglect as a child. My children and I are healing and making progress. I wish I had had the courage years ago to leave and get a divorce. I look back and clearly see all the things that were red flags.

[@kimdawcatgirl]

Agree! Proven! Cancers, ALS, any autoimmune issue, etc!

[@tankgirllovesroos]

"The only people who get upset when you start setting boundaries are the ones who benefitted from you not having them." I am just like the wife/daughter. My husband has helped me see my worth and I will forever be grateful.

[@lfrands]

I don’t know you, but I love this and I love it for you 🥰

[@pmeehan_3]

There is absolutely no coming to a compromise with a narc.

[@cindylong624]

It like talking to a brick wall.They live in their own little world...

[@issacray9124]

instaBlaster

[@HOLDXSTEEL]

With a narc? Like a cop?

[@anrcandy]

My mother is a narcissist it’s so difficult I’ve been battered and bruised I’ve gone back and forth with her and it’s just painful So true

[@sherriflemming3218]

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman Safe People by Henry Cloud The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk

[@samali6066]

the best way to deal with narcistic people is to just leave them period. there is no fixing them or anything , just leave as far as you can and run, never look back.

[@nikstar1313]

This is my mother as well, it’s been 3 1/2 years no contact and it’s been the most eye-opening and most productive and peaceful thing I’ve ever done.

[@sherriflemming3218]

It's the right decision! Adults choose their family and relationships. Toxic Parents by Susan Forward Safe People by Henry Cloud Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman

[@nikstar1313]

@@sherriflemming3218 thank you soooo much ❤️🙏

[@cynthiawarren9379]

My mom was toxic, and probably a Narcissist based on what I have read on this topic. I had to walk away from her and it was difficult. I just could not deal with her verbal abuse anymore. When she passed away I went to her funeral and I had to grieve the mom I never had. I have come to realize you can love a relative, but not like them as a person.

[@lademoiselleketoret6958]

This is my dad. I love him but I’d never seek out his company of a person, and I dislike him exceedingly. Terrible personality. He is definitely not a safe person to be your authentic self with. We are surface and that is totally fine by me. He set that parameter for our relationship and now I full agree and am okay with not engaging with him. Took me a very long time. But sometimes, God just needed their DNA to bring you into the world. But you soon learn they aren’t your “real”parent anyways. God is.

[@khueleminh5262]

​@@lademoiselleketoret6958 It's sad that I can relate so well to this..

[@dianaverano7878]

Narcs are angry people. They live and breathe daily for the argument, drama, fighting. These people will create fights if you surround them with peaceful, patient,loving people. That is how you filter out narcs vs normal people. Perfectionism, critical, controlling, manipulation, all for 1 goal. To create fights and drama. Narcs will only change to become normal people if they stop fighting anyone and choose peace instead. That is the only way.

[@gerrenallmon6999]

​@@lademoiselleketoret6958I learned the best way to deal with narcissistic people and people who intend on making other people's lives miserable is to just love them from a distance. I have family members who are like that that are narcissistic I do love them I just love them from a distance.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward Safe People by Henry Cloud Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk

[@speedracer9627]

Brad can be deeply grateful that his wife’s eyes are open and she’s on board. When the woman is a conformer to the parent’s narcissism it’s not a good scene.

[@autumnjoiner-smith7381]

or when it is their child

[@speedracer9627]

@@autumnjoiner-smith7381 Or both!...:-)

[@autumnjoiner-smith7381]

@@speedracer9627 my bf has child that isn't narcissistic exactly, yet is misogynistic and a toxic individual

[@speedracer9627]

@@autumnjoiner-smith7381 I assume you mean misogynistic?

[@autumnjoiner-smith7381]

@@speedracer9627 yes I was multi tasking that's why I spelled it wrong! thanx for the correction.

[@uluvnic]

My mom is narcissistic and I didn’t even realize it till this year at 37 years old. I appreciate you addressing this topic. It really hit my heart bc I realized being raised by a person who literally only cares about herself had lead me to believe I don’t really matter. Fortunately I have an awesome God who loves me and who’s healing me slowly. And I found a counselor who understands, like you, Dr. D! So I’m super hopeful about the future. Since acknowledging this about my mom and upbringing, I’m able to say, oh that thought is a lie. And I replace it with God’s truth. Before I just lived in confusion. ❤️❤️❤️ thank you!!

[@gusramage]

The book Children of the Self-Absorbed is amazing. My wife’s mother is a case study in Narcissism.

[@LL-lj1kq]

uluvnic ....you are greatly loved and highly valued.♥️♥️

[@spencerkristich4369]

stay away from her

[@veronicasmith1147]

You rely on yourself to start with love yourself💖💛💚💙

[@veronicasmith1147]

You rely on yourself firstly and give yourself love kindness and understanding💖💚💙💜

[@belindagarza3958]

There is nothing you can do with someone like that but realize they are broken and walk away.

[@beng4647]

I agree. But they are broken. It's a complete lack of confidence. Kindness does help. Most narcissists have never had that.

[@debbielockhart7762]

​@@beng4647Not true.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO

[@fhuber7507]

Remove their audience. Just ignore them. The narcissist can't stand being ignored, so its hard. But you have to deny their reward of your reaction.

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

Sounds like a now famous couple, one member well known, the other formerly vaguely recognized from a TV series, who have been bleating their emotional woes during the era of Covid-19.

[@giainto5564]

Yep, must withdraw your contact and reaction and response from narcs. Otherwise you’re giving them the supply they seek.

[@debbielockhart7762]

​@@carylhalfwassen8555Who?

[@CaliCoast805_lovin_life]

​@@debbielockhart7762assume Harry and Megan???

[@lms2379]

RE narcissistic mom: she will stop threatening self harm after the cops show up a couple of times and she has to deal with that.

[@aimee8428]

OR she will like the attention.

[@GameChanger597]

LOL that's funny. But honestly I think that would only cause the problem to continue because the result of the cops shows the narcissist that the person is invested. Threatening suicide when you know the person has no intention of taking action is completely abusive. What you tell them is I'm sorry you feel that way, go seek someone who can help you 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@sherriflemming3218]

If first responders take her to the hospital she can be assessed and admitted as an involuntary patient under the mental health act.due to a threat of self harm or harming others. Suicide prevention.

[@belindagarza3958]

I have been feeling iffy about cutting off contact with my mom until hearing what Dr Deloney said. Now I know I did the right thing.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk

[@candyluna2929]

You need to ignore the narcissist. You cant speak logic to them. The best thing y'all did was to move away

[@SarahR2D2]

We moved 8 hours away

[@SarahR2D2]

@@GodnMe Smells like a pesky mother in law

[@SarahR2D2]

FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE. Give your kids room and enjoy being an empty nester. Get a life of your own

[@meljay5660]

"no meaningful interactions, just occupying time." Yep I know what he is talking about.

[@LtGrandpoobah]

Been there. After 25 years of trying and 8 years too many of exposing my kids to their many forms of violence, I had to grieve the loss of my parents (prior to their physical deaths) when they turned their backs on us and refused to change. It was hard, but God took care of me and saw me through it.

[@tinkm4669]

Re: narcissistic mum…. Expect nothing, hope for the best. Invite her to meet 1/2 way physically if you want to catch up. She will either come or not. Her choice. Stay at a hotel if you go to her hometown. Meet at public places and be pleasant. Leave politely if she isn’t. Boundaries are so important here ❤️

[@racheljordan6705]

"Servant leadership" beats a "toxic" boss any day. People can respect and work for that type of individual, male or female.

[@samplautz5586]

Not all the time, but for those that are mild to medium on the toxic scale that is true. We just got a new boss at work, and there are some people who he just doesn’t like. He’s also kind of toxic at points, yelling at employees for throwing up and asking to go home, and he purposely schedules people when they can’t work. I try to work as hard as I can and so far he has stayed away from me. He told me im the best 21 year old worker he’s seen, and I intend to keep it that way. I do feel bad for some of our workers though. One has a stomach ulcer and can’t work until after 1. Well he keeps scheduling them before 1 and got his late days up enough to where he wanted to fire him, but luckily our other managers get a say in if the person gets fired and they voted to keep him

[@itisAlex_]

The fact that John is offering to talk to people is amazing. Most of us do not seek help for these “little things” due to lack of funds or just not knowing who to go to. Thanks John!

[@mightymouse1005]

Narcissist are rarely diagnosed because they rarely seek counseling to better themselves. They go if they have an ultimatum or court order. Dr Ramani, whose a world renowned expert on cluster B personality disorder say its closer to 25 percent. There are different types of narcissists and its a SPECTRUM.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Sam Vaknin is excellent as well.

[@candyluna2929]

I was in an abusive relationship with a man that when things got hard he threatened suicide. Over time I was like "yeah do it, but dont do it in the apt and not in your car either!"

[@wilshannoa9727]

How do you address this with teen adult kids that are now the narcissist focus.

[@Dannniellleee]

@@wilshannoa9727 Figure out why they’re exhibiting the attention-seeking and manipulative behavior. They might feel invisible unless there is negative attention on them. Also, perhaps you can help find a trusted adult or younger mentor to whom they feel they can open up. Good luck! 🥰

[@catslove3884]

I'm going for groceries. Call me when you are done.

[@nancylang4294]

Told the ex just don't do it in my home. I'm not cleaning up the mess.

[@quarterlimit5838]

Geeze this is almost identical to my life. Only I went complete No Contact. Hardest but Best thing I have ever done. So much more peace in my soul. Boundaries people, boundaries are sooooo necessary!

[@growingandlearning164]

Same..it's my mother.

[@caffeineaddict5124]

There no such thing as "being reasonable" or having a "reasonable" conversation with narcissist lowlife. They respond to strategy and their own pain. Nothing else. Certainly not to reason. Think of them as an opponent in chess. That's all you can do. When my wife and I moved overseas my mother-in-law said "What's the point in having kids if you just move away?".

[@axiomaddict]

As a woman who has been characterized as “masculine” even as a child (I’m 67), who has a beautiful father and brother, I don’t conflate toxicity with masculinity. They’re two separate things. Masculinity can be really rich and warm, playful, direct. Or it can be ugly, coercive and violent. Femininity can be luscious, sweet, smart, deft and insightful. Or it can be characterized by histrionics and off-putting indecisiveness. Kudos to this man for reflecting on this matter now. I’m sure his son is already benefitting.

[@alexyokiel4493]

I had a good friend who was narcissistic and I didn't even realize it until a few months back. I was supposed to help him move into his new apartment, but my car ended up needing a new engine so it was in the shop. I was over an hour away at my boyfriend's house and wasn't able to get a ride home until the day after he moved. He blew up my phone all day screaming at me. Calling me all kind of names and said I was stupid and selfish. He also said the only reason I didn't help him was because it didn't benefit me. I was the reason the friendship was ruined and I chose my boyfriend over him. I told him if he was understanding instead of berating me, things would be different. He thinks he did nothing wrong and I ruined everything. I got out of that friendship and it was so freeing.

[@debbielockhart7762]

That sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder to me. And good for you for getting away from that "friend".

[@haileycooper6252]

That sounds like my mother. We havent spoken in years as i tried to talk to her but she decided to ignore me and block me on social media. I was just done after that, so much so that i didnt even shed a tear. It gave me all the answers i needed when she ignored me and blocked me. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

[@GameChanger597]

That's not a mother that's a spoiled rotten child who has been left unchecked

[@mightymouse1005]

The best gift a narcissist can give you is the discard you

[@mightymouse1005]

My mom always told is that she had us to take care of her. She hated anyone we ever married because our spouses and kids came before her. She would sabotage our parenting so make our kids love her more than us.

[@TheLatinaJourney]

"All I can control right now in this moment, is my mind, my actions." ..... preach it. 🙏🙌👏👏👏

[@bloomingale7868]

Have to give you props Jon. Your segment on toxic masculinity was beautiful. Never viewed it that way. Dave’s built a great team of men with integrity. Women too!

[@Banshee365]

The only cure for narcissism is distance. I had to distance myself and my family from my own mother. As much as that sucks our marriage and my family in general is soooo much healthier.

[@catherinenelson4162]

The sibling doesn't have the right to put that on her sister. The sibling needs to get help to learn how to handle this appropriately.

[@julie2x]

John did an amazing job answering the question about toxic masculinity. He recognizes that toxic masculinity is ill defined by so many people. For some it’s a tantrum by men who are unhappy if they are passed up for positions of power and fail to see that the most qualified person gets to be the leader and that perhaps at times unqualified people have been handed positions primarily bc they are NOT men. Lots and lots to unpack here. Keep thinking! Don’t just be influenced by talking heads in the media. Amazing explanation and advice. Bravo!

[@kathrinebeeder9892]

Get away, faster the better. Learn to say “no”! You have rights.

[@Sheryl777]

Sometimes parents also have to do the same type of thing to their children that John is recommending that these people do to the mom. Sad, but true.

[@gregoryblake5944]

John, you're personally helping me stay a float! I love your content!

[@Katrn30]

I was in a two year relationship with a man I later found out was diagnosed (while in the military) with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was lucky to survive him…he used to brag about how many people he killed. Animals got sick and died around him. He had 2 ex wives who believed he tried to poison them. He constantly talked about how his exes were poisoning him with arsenic. My dog and myself stayed sick the entire 2 years we lived together. I had to get a restraining order, and cops visit him regularly because 9 years later he is still stalking me. At this point, I don’t believe there is such a thing as a good man for me…so I’ll stay single.

[@Orthodixi]

I’m so sorry

[@ilonas7760]

Yep single and therapy!

[@LuluNoboa]

I am trying myself to get away from my partner for acting as such. I can’t believe you had to go thru that

[@Orthodixi]

I tend to wonder how high in the spectrum of narcissism or much worse than narcissism…..antisocial PD

[@sherriflemming3218]

Glad you got out safely! The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

[@ew3359]

I went through this with my Mom, it happened when my oldest child was a toddler and I saw my Mom's behavior towards her. I insisted on going to counseling with my Mom. During counseling she would not hear the words I had to say (how badly she hurt me), the counselor was stunned at her behavior. That's when I realized what kind of person I am dealing with (narcissist, maybe BPD). I went through a 2 year season of grief, realizing I will never have the Mom I need and want. It has been years now, but I set firm boundaries with her early on, and we now enjoy a relationship that she is capable of having. I know that I can't go deep with her, and a lot of talking revolves around her, but I am OK with that now. And every once in awhile she tries to push boundaries (like a toddler), and I gently push back. She knows when she's crossed the line. But ultimately it has made for a healthier relationship.

[@carlabell860]

I always loved Mister Rogers and since his death I have been wondering who was going to step in and tell people that they are loved just because they are themselves. Today, when talking with the gentleman about toxic masculinity you said "They do not understand at an early age that they have inherent value just because they are people, just because they are beings, just because they are worthy of being loved...". That reminded me so much of Fred Rogers and what he tried to teach all of us as children. I have heard you say similar things to people on Dave's show; acknowledging their feelings and being kind in your response. Maybe your show is taking off so well is because all of the people that he talked to as children are adults now with real adult problems that are looking for someone kind, caring and understanding, like Mister Rogers. Maybe you are the one to step in and take his place...... Definitely a compliment to you..... I know I am connecting with the things that you are saying and liked you and your manner pretty instantly and I think I am a great judge of character. :0)

[@jesusbarajas9444]

In my opinion if you tell someone they are perfect the way they are, is enabling for narcisists/addicts/criminals... one is not excellent for just being born. That creates entitlement which doesn’t give anyone true worth or value. You give as much as you want to receive, no one deserves things if they didn’t work for them.

[@petuniabloom]

@@jesusbarajas9444 It's not about perfection, but unconditional love. Every human being deserves being seen in that light, even if they're on death row. They could be us; we could have wound up as them. We can't fix everyone; but we can decide we're going to love humanity and have compassion.

[@mks6148]

My mother is the same way but I am a very mentally strong person with very clear boundaries so I was able to cut her off flawlessly. I send her money every month and have very short conversations when I talk to her (preferably no more than every 2 weeks). She’s used every imaginable tactic for years, triangulated my siblings against me, disparaged me, everything! I stand firm. I will do no harm but will take no sh**t. My siblings that enabled her for years are now stuck having to deal with her and their lives are tormented. They are all miserable and resentful towards me for choosing to be happy and detached from the dysfunction. Oh well life is short and I will protect my peace all cost.

[@marlene9028]

Hi! I just read your comment and all I wanted to say is thank you! Protect my peace at all costs...oof... when I read that it almost brought me to tears. Very inspirational. Thanks for showing us how to be strong.

[@bunniewood]

Why the f do you send her money?!

[@bunniewood]

Also if you talk to her every 2 weeks you didn’t “cut her off flawlessly” at all

[@mks6148]

@@bunniewood Well I’m African and that’s our culture to send our parents money every month. Also, she paid for college and allowed me to come to the US and go to school unburdened by student loans like most Americans are. So I kinda feel obligated to.

[@GameChanger597]

How is talking to her every other week and sending her money every month considered cutting her off??? Not trying to be rude, I just don't understand

[@charliebruner8243]

Dr D! Just have to say this really hit my heart. Been dealing with an alcoholic dad who would call be intoxicated and tell me what I needed to do because “I’m his son, half of him is me, he is half the reason I’m here” so thank you. Major understanding from this

[@Amiga247]

A very powerful “letting go” ceremony for me has been the Hawaiian ho’oponopono meditation.

[@mightymouse1005]

I did a "mock " funeral

[@thinlaydolma2568]

I am grateful for teaching me boundaries with everyone including your parents. I just came out from long term relationship. I think it failed because I didn't have a boundaries whatsoever. Never ignore red flags in the beginning of relationship that will determine your relationship in the long run.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

So true. Great advice but hard to follow for a lot of people.

[@DeathSpellXVI]

What an awesome definition of masculinity from Dr. John.

[@Britt-dg3rc]

Thank you for touching on this topic. I am dealing with this issue but with my husband. Unfortunately that sucks for the mom to say that she made you to serve her really had me in tears. I am well pray for the family and God will heal and mend with time.

[@Lifeszebarbie]

Whoa… a grief ceremony 😭 I’m going to do this. I’ve had three babies and not felt safe having my mom involved in pregnancy, birth or even around my babies. It has broken my heart and I’m sad that I don’t have a mom to help and teach me; walk along side me. She wants to be involved but I just can’t. She makes choices that reiterates that I’ve had to keep her outside of our safety bubble.

[@abbagirl8819]

❤❤❤

[@calliecrider2475]

My husbands ex wife is a narcissist or maybe has borderline personality disorder and I have seen first hand in my step sons what affect that has on kids. They are absolutely emotionally wrecked and it’s heart breaking.

[@michellesimmons3150]

I have found that the person who slaps a label on another without anything more than KZbin and google….aka you do not have a PH.D. In mental health….are the ACTUAL ones with a cluster B personality disorder and are overly controlling and manipulative…

[@sarahalderman3126]

Or they're wrecked because their father ran off... I'd be very careful about what you believe. I have watched my friends move forward with relationships like this only to later learn that the problem was actually him... he just blames it on her, as usual.

[@calliecrider2475]

@@sarahalderman3126 I’ve been married 9 years to my husband. She cheated on him multiple times. Once with his best friend. So no, he wasn’t the problem.

[@calliecrider2475]

@@sarahalderman3126 she’s been married 4 times as well. 9 kids in total. So maybe try not to assume you understand the situation?

[@sarahalderman3126]

@@calliecrider2475 all I said was to be careful... hope you have been. Good luck.

[@pennyplatt6587]

Your definition of a leader holding the world of the family was awesome

[@lisajeter9511]

You can never live far enough away from a Narc!

[@jesuslover5968]

Thank you John for teaching how to be the man of the family alot don’t know how to do that and the whole family cripples from it

[@daltonbrasier5491]

Men who abuse their authority are just as harmful as weak men though.

[@nickivanaltena923]

Absolutely Fantastic, Dr. John!!

[@erickahall2857]

Thank you John!! I truly appreciate your wisdom!

[@sondrashepherd9753]

Really appreciate this content today...thank you! I think you've found your niche--great job!!

[@blackgirlsonfleek9598]

Dr. Delony, it is clear that you are both a scholar and a man of deep integrity. You advise from a place of intellectualism AND interrogated principle. Thank you. By far, my favorite show on this network.

[@melissatomelden8125]

Another amazing and profound content thank you thank you .. keep being great and awesome doctor d 🙏🙏🙏

[@cathyosullivan718]

Dr. John is very knowledgeable about so many subjects.

[@Orthodixi]

I wish I had counseling on trying to deal with this when I was young. I started learning about this in my late 40’s. It is hard to change. My sister is sad about losing our parent when I feel nothing. I cried when he died, but the damage it does long term is hard not to be manipulated. We had some of this on both sides of the family. It’s hard to navigate at times. I feel for this couple. I think a counselor/coach who can walk beside them would encourage them keep on keeping on while tweeking their situation. 🙏❤️

[@jeremyzamorano4774]

Good show. Thanks for your work John.

[@santi60294]

Dr John You are the best counselor ever I have myself post graduate studies in this area .Wish i knew about you much sooner .Blessings

[@happyascanbe]

I'm in a similar situation. I have sadly been in no contact with my family because of my narcissist alocoholic father and enabler mother. My siblings have taken their side because it's easier. It's so sad.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

I had to go thru that. .It gets better! We realize we haven't really lost, something That was NEVER Really there.... I Chose Healthy

[@show_me_your_kitties]

My mother was diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder in 2002. She only loves what serves her and out of sight you are out of mind. She will make you feel like you are so important too, but it's not real at all.

[@chrislim7976]

Sounds like people are more like objects that can do things for them and once you have no utility it doesn't matter. Sorry but that's very scary.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Safe People by Henry Cloud Toxic Parents by Susan Forward The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman

[@ivankaavdibasic5774]

Please use the narcissist term more. For the sake of those abuse by narcissist parent and spouses. It is the worst. I know. But society gaslighted us. Justifying their behaviors. And the poor soul they are just lost in it. Cudos for this husband for first caller. Learn about Narcissists for God's sake. Love and Light ❤

[@sophiaiswisdom1]

You always need to surround yourself with people who can love you and back you up when things get tough in life because those people will always know how to help you get through the hard times. I grew up with 2 loving parents and I was incredibly lucky and realizing more and more all families are not the same. I am 35 and still coming to understand who my mother really is because she is a very private person.

[@sarahk.connects8692]

Such great advice as always

[@anuradhaprasad2614]

Love this show ! Living in the other part of the world but follow your show.

[@jeremyrosenahagen4577]

Lots of great things to take for this. Talks a lot lol but different then other Ramsey’s in good way!!! Like paints a clear picture of what ya thinking! Teacher to listen to the whole picture. Keep up the good work. I like how he lets the caller get in to deep detail and not cut them off .

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

Yes, I do not care to hear from the Ramsey kids who are on the show because of nepotism. I like this presenter.

[@thisis.michelletorres444]

Wow, this resonates! I think it's much more common than people think, and people need to get rid of the shame around it!

[@mightymouse1005]

Listen to Dr Ramani. She specializes in cluster B personality and is very skilled for decades. She says it close to 25 percent. Social media has increased narcissist behavior as well. SELFIES, women using filters to look younger and everything is about ATTENTION, likes, comments......teaching young people to need that constant attention and affirmation.

[@beastshawnee]

My father was a covert, narcissist psychopath. My childhood was hell and even tho my brother had far better privileges -his was too. My Mom believed Dad every single time he said he knew he had a problem but he was going to improve. Dad being covert meant everyone liked him and he massaged that so that no one would believe the evil things he did. He tried to murder me on multiple occasions as well as the daily beatings. (car wrecks, suffocations, drowning attempts, one extra severe beating. My grandmother realized what was up and accused him thru Mom who didn’t believe it. I also didn’t believe it as a child because while I knew he was crazy and mean I also thought he loved me (tho that sickens me to even say it) But eventually I saw the patterns and put multiple events together and saw the real issues. He convinced mom the night where he held her at gunpoint and threatened to kill us all and then her and himself was just a bad night-he really loved her of course he’d never do that. But it was real clear if she left him what would happen. they don’t change. Near the end of his life- in his late 70’s he went on a rant about how he should have killed my niece and how he had the “Right” to kill all his children and grandchildren because “they wouldn’t even exist” if his “DNA wasn’t in them”. Oh he was spitting mad too! I mean he was extreme and when he died at 82 -I felt a huge wave of relief -felt like chains slipping from my neck. Now I wouldn’t have to worry about his hurting or killing anyone else. Idk if he had other victims besides his family. It absolutely would not surprise me. Certainly he continually was grooming someone one way or another. Mind you he never had a real diagnosis because he fooled every counselor he ever went to. Everyone loved him. Only a very few people ever saw the real man. Only me-the house slave- seems to have clearly seen the full picture. And finally I have been able to make sense of my mother’s role and responsibilities in all this. After my brother died I decided to write about our childhood and that brought up fractals of memories. It was tough-super hard. But I suppose figuring if all out is a win of sorts. But nah-YOU will never change a narcissist. I think my dad had some brain issues. His father had been chemically poisoned during WW2, and Dad had a major heart birth defect and was an early open heart surgery patient-They couldn’t stop his heart the first time and sewed between beats. He had a later surgery and they could restart hearts by then. But both times of course he was under heavy sedation. I believe possibly these caused his mental condition. Sime days he was crazy over random things which he couldn’t control- The neighbors telephone ringing for example. Screaming and ranting over this type of thing. every day for years he just acted how he pleased. And mom thought of him as a perpetual victim. We kids didn’t have the right to be mad at him or upset with him-it was all our faults. “You shouldn’t push his buttons. You know how he is.” She’d say. I just hated him.

[@alostballntallgrass4611]

My father has been doing the same thing to me in I was 4 when my parents divorced. Almost exact same story...we love 3 hrs from him, offered to try therapy, tells me I'm a horrible daughter for not taking care of him ( he didn't raise me), when i had a miscarriagehe told me God was punishing me, misquotes the Bible such as "blood is thicker than water", he has cursed at me since I was about 10 years old and always tells me I'm a horrible person and daughter. He uses my grandfather against me. My dad is living with his dad, expecting me to take care of him because we are blood. This this hilarious because my mother was adopted and she along with both grandparents and uncle and church and neighborhood all had a hand in raising me... none of whom are blood related except for my mom. I got to travel the world with a choir and study abroad programs, they paid for my college... no student loans. It would take too long to list all the things that I was blessed with. He talks negatively about my mom, grandparents, and uncle now that they are all dead. He wants me to get rid of the home I inherited and give him money because he thinks I'm rich, wrong. I think how dare he feel entitled to money from a family he constantly talks negatively about, blames them for keeping he and I apart. That's false! The fallacies in all his arguments are unbelievable. My dad's dad is the only grandparent I have left and I can't even call him with my father intervening. Too many interactions of what I now know to be abusive behavior to list. He has also treated his past 3 ex wives the same and countless girlfriends. I also have an early life memory of my dad physically throwing my mother against a wall during a fight. It is such a clear memory from 4 years old, probablymy earliest memory. . I even remember the room layout and what they were wearing. However I've never confronted my dad because I'm scared of his reaction. My father has gotten so mad from me going no contact that he even reported me missing too many times to count...5 times in one month. I was so embarrassed and apologetic to the officers.

[@JakeStewart1343]

Yeah, my dad is very similar, and my grandfather was like a true father but has passed of old age 14 years ago. I've realized biological/blood doesn't mean I should be obligated to accept his behaviors. The non biological people who have been their unconditionally for you are your SOUL TRIBE and true family. I haven't yet met my soul tribe but I feel I'm about to as I'm finishing healing childhood trauma my father put me through. Thanks for your touching story! ❤

[@SMG338]

What a powerful topic. Hit home very much for me. I ended up moving to another country after finally realizing that young girl’s dream of her mom that is nurturing and healthy will never be. I so appreciate your kindness and compassion in supporting this couple.

[@dhangsommers]

Hi Dr. John just love your wisdom.

[@hannahchildress7764]

Love your show! Only complaint is I wish it were more frequent! 😀

[@dylanrice5696]

I see Yung’s ‘Man and his Symbols’ on the desk. Great read!

[@jenniferhuerta9824]

John makes me a better human being daily.

[@bayonina]

Very helpful video! I need to add this in my upcoming VIDS. ☝🏻

[@jaclynkiszczak230]

Well said about toxic masculinity. Well said.

[@lisajeter9511]

John I’ve heard so many ppl say the word Narcissist is so over used . What if it’s not , and these people really are Narcissist? I’ve seen over and Over Judges aren’t capable of recognizing a Narcissist and neither are every day folks. But the damages they can do is life long! Eventually decades later people say “I never realized they were such a Narcissist!” This world has produce as many Narcissist as we’ve produced Conspiracy Theorist in the past decade!

[@AfikaOfficial]

Relly impressed with this response from John. Ritual and ceremony isn’t acknowledged in our sociocultural needs, and yet we participate in them unwillingly or begrudgingly all the time with funerals, inaugurations, States of the Union, etc. I’m impressed that the first response was to lean on ritual and ceremony instead of the more “traditional” agnostic, scientific, or secular therapy responses that I’m used to hearing. Perfect diagnosis 👏🏾🕯️

[@BermetJamankulova]

Great words about what is true leadership

[@liz9284]

Love all the narcissism experts in the comments saying “just walk away” like it’s so easy. It makes me wonder if these ppl ever dealt with an actual narcissistic family member at all. Anyone pretending these dynamics are simple is either not dealing with actual narcissists or they’re lacking some empathy themselves.

[@suzicraig1073]

Exactly! Even if you leave them they will retaliate! They don’t want you to be happy without them. And will go out of their way to continue making you miserable.

[@candyg2063]

I was married to a narcissist for 32 years. I think at age 62, he was going through a midlife crisis. He told me he never should have married me. He told me it was my fault he lost his jobs. ( he worked at 36 different companies in the 32 years we were married. He said it was my fault he stopped doing everything he liked to do like snow skiing. He is now living with a woman who is the same age as my oldest daughter.

[@RachelSemeson]

I Wonder how that is going 😒

[@debbielockhart7762]

62 is well beyond mid-life for any of us. He sounds like an old fool. You are better off without him.

[@sunnyday3539]

Sorry you are going through that. I’m unfortunately in a very similar situation right now. They have to find someone young and clueless who won’t be aware that Cluster B pathologies exist. Glad you are free of him.

[@mightymouse1005]

Everything will be her fault too. I would feel sorry for her.

[@mightymouse1005]

Our kids do NOT owe us anything. We chose to have them.

[@sippingtea4743]

Excellent excellent show

[@tinah6685]

My daughter was just diagnosed with bipolar And My son is 14 with dyslexia and possibly adhd and does the same thing as what you said your son did! It is so hard to deal with the mood swings and attitude and absent minded accidents in a productive Non-hostile way!! Thank you for your advice on how Control thoughts and your actions !! I’m working on empathizing and going back to an old method for when they were very little when she said something mean just to tell her I’m sorry you feel that way and not be argumentative and make the situation any worse!!

[@MN-br5nb]

You have it tough. It will be okay. Do take care of yourself in small ways and make time for you. Or you will be consumed.

[@doktorlehar]

Sanest thing I’ve heard on this subject in a long, long time.

[@itsanjuagain]

I love your answer for the toxic masculinity guy, hope he learned something

[@carolea7158]

And a lot of this goes both ways, man or woman, boy or girl, whoever it is, they need to know how to serve rather than be served. There's no attack on masculinity per se. There's an unfair pressure on all to *perform* rather than serve & improve.

[@Riyaanreality]

Me too. I know Dr. John from the Ramsey Show and as someone who disagrees with Dave politically I was intrigued to hear John’s response. I’m impressed.

[@user-nn1nc7us9p]

Caller 1: Wow. I thought that was normal. 😳🤕😒 I get so excited (at nearly 50) when my mom feels like a safe space. I do forget...and i grieve every time...over and over and over..Thank you 😢

[@eversosophi9653]

Great advice for Brad!

[@lrhodes9612]

A new book? Can't wait!!

[@chungiechung2325]

My mother in law is a full on narcissist. And her daughter has taken the brunt of this over the years. Now she has finally gone no contact to save her sanity

[@kristinecrowley8321]

Sounds like it could be borderline personality disorder too. That’s my experience with what your caller described. After 40 years I went to contacts. It’s unfortunate but it’s to protect my kids.

[@amandaadams2151]

This has me in tears, this is our exact situation with my mother in law. It was so painful to watch for 3 years of our marriage. We have cut ties for now (2 years so far) my husband doesn't have panic like he used to. He still deals with guilt. Any advise as to how I can encourage him and help him process his guilt?

[@cindylong624]

His Mom is guilt-tripping him to get him back under her control.He has nothing to be guilty about being an adult and a husband

[@tobyfitzpatrick565]

I agree with Cindy. Maybe your husband can imagine himself putting that guilt in a box and saying, "Here, mom. You can have your guily back." As he hands her the box.

[@haleytruslow7200]

Do you have children? If he imagines himself treating his children the way she treated him, it should evaporate any guilt pretty quickly.

[@SarahR2D2]

She was very effective at her guilt manipulation

[@SandraStachowiczLtd]

He can say "I forgive myself for taking myself out of a situation that was making my life miserable and I do it with love"

[@vernabryant2894]

My mother was a narrissist.She was totally in love with herself.Self centered and mean .

[@emmarose6590]

No contact. Most narcs do not change.

[@jackieboo6776]

Awesome video!!!! 😃

[@Lovetheonewithin]

When you ignore them and don't give them emotional responses, they disappear. Easiest way to deal with a Narc

[@uni_versetones]

I got dizzy with all those circles Dr John. Hahaha, you have a great talent, I wish I had your way with words.

[@dionkokalidis]

Go John!

[@SD-hs2pk]

2nd call, an opportunity to become a better version of yourself while looking at other options

[@stephanier1336]

Oh my goodness this sounds like my mom!