How to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation: The Harvard Business Review Guide

When you’re in the middle of a conflict, it’s common to automatically enter a “fight or flight” mentality. But it’s possible to interrupt this response and clear a path towards a more productive discussion.
00:00 Have you ever lost control during a heated argument at work?
00:28 Emotions are a chemical response to a difficult situation.
01:35 To stay calm, first acknowledge and label your feelings.
02:25 Next, focus on your body.
03:32 Use visualizations.
04:19 Focus on your breath.
04:52 Repeat a calming phrase or mantra.
05:08 Ok. Let’s review.
Start by taking a deep breath and focusing on your body. Repeat a mantra to yourself such as “This isn’t about me,” “This will pass,” or “This is about the business.” And try to distance yourself from the negative emotion you’re feeling by labeling it: “He is so wrong about that and it’s making me mad becomes I’m having the thought that my coworker is wrong, and I’m feeling anger.” And don’t forget the value of taking a break. The more time you give yourself to process your emotions, the less intense they are likely to be.
Reading list:
hbr.org/2017/12/how-to-contro...
hbr.org/2015/12/calming-your-...
hbr.org/2013/02/break-your-ad...
hbr.org/2021/01/how-to-keep-y...
hbr.org/2015/05/recovering-fr...
hbr.org/2021/12/managing-your...
Produced by Amy Gallo, Jessica Gidal, and Scott LaPierre
Video by Andy Robinson
Edited by Jessica Gidal
Animation by Alex Belser
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[@bariscan9267]

Here is the only formula you need: do not personalize it, try to respond not react. Think that you are there, who is self confident, having enough compassion and maturity, to balance the tension and emotions, in a honest way. In the end they will respect you, and you will build trust which has been the most valuable asset throughout the history.

[@elangop6293]

Very well articulated

[@georgiafrancis9059]

Works for 99%, it's that rogue 1% that makes you want to throw rocks at a glass window------that "fight or flight" has caused more heart attacks and high bloodpressues than we know-------if that person is a relative, you're in a pickle-----if that person is a client, just dump to client! Wsh you could talk to a former client that I had to set free. Say a prayer for her next victim.

[@Nurulhuda-zx2zj]

THIS IS MIND BLOWNG

[@user-qe1ql4ky4d]

Helpful,succinct and makes perfect sense. Thank you.

[@JimShingler]

This is GREAT!!! I wish this existed years ago. Really great Wisdom

[@simonanebi]

Great topic and insightful too. I would love if a topic on what constitutes a gossip or a conversation in someone's absence and how to identify when a healthy conversation becomes gossip and how to not be part of it . What is actually gossip?

[@alicjalipiec]

Thank you for your videos, they are very helpfull for me as a boss!

[@NeilAcquatella]

I'm just reading Seneca's De Ira; this is timely, and useful from HBR. Thanks

[@leafmealoynederpydeu85]

This is the best video ever it helps everyone!

[@SarahEdwars1994]

Thank you for your advice

[@user-iw8np2kq2h]

Thank you for amazing video. My tactic is to call the people I love to calm down.

[@jonassilva6829]

Fantastic content, well done!

[@edwardturner1282]

Very helpful. I am a Group Therapy Facilitator. I can certainly use this information.

[@chantillylace1369]

Great types!

[@subhodeepghosh7190]

Loved it. ❤❤❤

[@elfridhasman4181]

Love it💞

[@marcahampton]

"Serenity now", Frank Costanza

[@bayou__]

I self always cool calm and confident. Having a good attitude that the basic

[@liubaldogarcia1420]

Great 👍

[@espentt5681]

Ty :)

[@raaziyahshamim4761]

More videos on visualisation techniques and conversation tips to make a person accept your point

[@shafiakutty]

What do deal with people you hate the most ? Please cover this in future…..

[@harvardbusinessreview]

Thanks for the suggestion. We've just put "How to Work with Someone You Hate" on our production calendar. You'll see it in a couple months we hope!

[@sirisaksirisak6981]

Think.1.You may be right, yes but..2.Don't too focus on goal.3.Be good listening.4.Ask, why I'm crazy.

[@Enavor]

Doesn't work with respect to relentless bullying in the workplace - but - for most conversations it's good advice.

[@georgiafrancis9059]

YOU are right------sounds good, but not so practical when dealing with an Alpha who is super insecure within their own skin.

[@melb2734]

Honestly, I think sending out the resume or transferring departments might work better if things are that toxic.

[@sirisaksirisak6981]

Accept the true truth that life is a problem living, human live in the placebo neuro systematic.One to solve ignorance is a bless, let it be,let it be whisper of the freedom let it be (The Beatles).

[@rovercoupe7104]

I should write this and keep it in my pocket. M.

[@albewillbuild]

Interesting to ponder. This control is more difficult if you include actually listening and absorbing what is being said. When people talk over each other I see it as the inability to handle what could be the truth. The combative or defensive postures which are normal responses makes a win-lose situation. Redefine what it means to "win" and transfer that feeling of "victory" from winning an argument or protecting ones self esteem to maintaining self-control. If I remain calm and absorb the information and perspective, then I am victorious regardless of the outcome of the disagreement. I enjoy thinking about it on those terms.

[@georgiafrancis9059]

who concentrates on "winning", surviving an insecure, rude, nasty jerk makes you want to take boxing lessons and put their face on punching bag!

[@albewillbuild]

@@georgiafrancis9059 😳

[@sirisaksirisak6981]

Change subjuct thinking.

[@alexandermontiel5004]

Its called a handfull of prozac.... lol

[@georgiafrancis9059]

!!!!!

[@dulguunbold2067]

😶‍🌫

[@screenager2009]

Unfortunately, these strategies work when you are already calm and can think rationally. Not so helpful when you have already worked yourself up to a rage, as is often the case in workplace conflicts.

[@melb2734]

TIPP skills may help when your emotions have taken over.

[@ednan9]

Very true. Difference between super vs sub par brain - and to make it super, the way i see it is to train your brain by creating artificial stress encounters- and have your brain remember it😊

[@kaylabufkin1933]

Arguments with family members on abortion. My husband and I have not yet been able to have children of our own. I am pro-life. My mother and other family members are pro-choice. I lost control of my emotions when my mother told me I don't know what it feels like to be pregnant. I said "no I don't" and couldn't help but cry which initially made her more angry and then before I left she apologized and so did I. I hate that I allowed my mother to make me cry. I want to control the fact that every emotion leads to tears for me! I despise it!

[@user-zd2to2vu2h]

I deeply deeply feel you. Every emotion especially anger leads me to tears especially talking about abortion. I’m sorry that this happened to you, remember you are stronger than u think 💙

[@melb2734]

I'm so sorry. I struggle with crying too. Your reasons for crying were understandable.