How To Have A Difficult Conversation

How To Have A Difficult Conversation | Mel Robbins

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Mel Robbins

Күн бұрын

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@Lee-255 3 жыл бұрын

1. Acknowledge responsibility 2. Define the outcome 3. Listen & validate 4. Restate the outcome

@learningearningskillsvlogs7877 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks dear

@AdamWestUS Жыл бұрын

@hanslang4910 Жыл бұрын

Mel, this was AMAZING. No long intro, right into the subject matter. Concise content. Asking for support AFTER you've delivered the goods. MASTERFULLY DONE

@djames5137 3 жыл бұрын

1. Acknowledge my responsibility right up front. 2. Have a goal for this conversation. What outcome do I desire? 3. Listen and validate the other person. 4. Restate the outcome that I desire.

@israabaydoun192 Жыл бұрын

1. Acknowledge your responsibility for what happened 2. Keep the outcome in mind: before you go to that conversation, think of the outcome. During the conversation, keep going back to the outcome, because if you get emotional or angry or the other person does, the only thing that will keep the conversation going is the outcome you put in your mind. 3. Listen and validate, with expressions like: ahh now i get it why you did that! What you're going through must be tough! Validating will prevent the other person from being defensive and will put them at ease. 4. Finally, restate your outcome. Make sure you reached it.

@PracticalInspiration 3 жыл бұрын

Brilliant, difficult conversations will happen from time to time but understanding how to make them most productive is a valuable skill

@helendsilva8321 8 ай бұрын

The one problem is there is an assumption that the goal is a positive one for both people. This os a step where the goal needs to be reciewed. Problem goals that people may feel are healthy goals are 1) to make the other see what it feels like for me 2) to point out how the other person is wrong is at at fault ... and so on. This can be a bad communication trap from the outset if thevl goal is note intended for BOTH parties to win and feel better. So we do need to review and check out goal first.

@thesaltybeard1793 5 ай бұрын

I feel like this was addressed in validate? Specifically saying like don't be debating about things.

@drag-ha 3 жыл бұрын

I take jabs until the person notices I’m upset and then have a full blow out and feel great every time but this is the most mature way to handle it.

@thesaltybeard1793 5 ай бұрын

LMAO

@inassefadil2022 3 жыл бұрын

i hope those tips will help me coming out to my parents

@miriammandel1968 3 жыл бұрын

I hope so too! Best to you ♥️

@gilljackson9971 3 жыл бұрын

Hey Inasse wishing you well and visualise the out come you want

@Bellasie1 3 жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best. I just hope it's safe for you to do so. Be strong no matter what.

@EuroCafeAuLait 3 жыл бұрын

You can do it - how they react is on them. Good luck 👍

@adrianaela251 3 жыл бұрын

Hope it goes well! No matter what, be there for yourself :)

@susanlarson215 3 жыл бұрын

I've got so many difficult conversations I need to have. This will really help

@AhmetKaan 3 жыл бұрын

*You have a dream.* *You chase it.* *You fall.* *You learn.* *You get better.* *You keep marching on.* *And so it goes.* If you saw this comment, I believe in you. I wish you the best. 🖤

@corrieball180 Жыл бұрын

As someone who is autistic and very emotion driven I found this to be quite helpful, especially the part about listening to and validating the other party involved.

@aimeerichardson2115 3 жыл бұрын

Mel, I just wanted to say thank you for this. I need to have a really difficult conversation this week and have been suffering from horrendous anxiety about it. This video has helped to really put things into perspective about the whole thing. Keep up your amazing work! I appreciate you so much ❤

@casey2401 3 жыл бұрын

I need to respond to a difficult conversation today. This is perfect to touch up on this morning! Thank you Mel. 🖤🤗

@janebond3263 3 жыл бұрын

how it went? did you used this technique?

@JessicaRios-re6vy 6 ай бұрын

Thank you. I got a text saying I "triggered " my housemate. I feel sooooo bad because I don't know what I did? I'm watching this video because I truly care about her and our relationship and want to be sensitive to the conversation. The conversation is in T - 34 mind. Pray for peace.

@sillysuzy631 Ай бұрын

I looked up “ confrontation “ under your name and this video came up. I’ve been dreading a conversation I must have this my daughter. I had an uncomfortable experience happen last night in front of her husband and child and was treated poorly and dismissed. This was fantastic advice on how to get through and resolve the conversation! Thank you so much Mel! Xxoo

@supersosiska 10 ай бұрын

I've just advanced to a low level management position and this video sounds like a great instrument towards dealing with future hiccups with my coworkers.

@liamrenwick3751 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve gotta say a huge thanks for this video. Such simple advice but so helpful. Had a conversation this evening I was absolutely dreading to the pit of my stomach and stuck to these tips and got through it. Thank you!!!

@Bellasie1 3 жыл бұрын

If videos could be framed, this one would have to hang in my office.

@deannaspringer5340 3 жыл бұрын

Excellent comment!!👏👏👏👏❤

@Bellasie1 3 жыл бұрын

@@deannaspringer5340 Thank you very much!

@78widget 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Mel, this is truly an amazing video! Not only did I learn through your words, insight and knowledge, but I also discovered how calm I was watching it because of your calm energy in how you delivered it. Then it clicked inside me that not only did I learn these 4 techniques, but also the importance of staying in that calm/balanced energy to keep that conversation moving forward in a positive, productive and effective way to reach the best outcome possible.

@victoriapalmer5146 3 жыл бұрын

Great advice. You look fantastic in this video calm, content, organized, energized, confident and of course pretty🌸💐

@victoriapalmer5146 3 жыл бұрын

@@christianpulisic7784 F*** off this isnt where you go to pick women up!! LOL

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

Hello beautiful lady, beautiful woman with a beautiful smile,how are you doing,how's your family,how's the weather over there oh my god you are looking very beautiful,your beauty is making me going crazy right now,I want to know more about you if you don't mind

@victoriapalmer5146 3 жыл бұрын

@@jerrypeter6478 F***OFF looser!

@janebond3263 3 жыл бұрын

I have to do a difficult conversation with the Dean of my University, she is not answering emails, that way I am feeling she is avoiding me. I was a subject of discrimination, harassment, and bullying. She promised to help me, but months without the outcome. My scholarship could be at risk and she has been defending who caused me discrimination, an important professor that provides donations. So that conversation will be though, you made me feel more comfortable. Thank you Mel, Love you a lot and everything you do!

@lotstosay6359 6 ай бұрын

I really appreciate this video and it’s useful for business deals and projects not just interpersonal conflict. However I find most conversations that are difficult are because the person should not be in your realm in the first place or has some maturity issues. People who go on defense first usually are just unwilling to do the right thing. You shouldn’t have to practice to have an honest conversation with someone about truthful things in friendships, work, or relationships. Most people know what they did and could care less about being accountable or they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Two mature people can have a difficult conversation I think without the heavy dread and tension. Doesn’t mean there won’t be emotions but it shouldn’t be pulling teeth to make someone feel comfortable for being disrespectful or rude.

@kbs7583 3 жыл бұрын

This is timely advice for me, so thank you, thank you. And while I'm here...Mel, you look terrific !

@AdamForrest-p8e 3 ай бұрын

You explain even tough topics in a clear way.

@wiser1254 3 жыл бұрын

This is very helpful. I need to have a very difficult conversation with my adult daughter. I need to get very organized with my thoughts before this happens, so thank you so much for these guidelines.

@CynthiaHamil-c9k Жыл бұрын

This lighting, the setting, your makeup, the presentation - is one of your very best on-camera looks and presentations. This is great lighting for you. I also like the maroon color for you. It anchors you, similar to how black would...but is slightly softer and compliments your skintone and eye color very well. You have some great videos - I watch your videos several times a week. Thank you for the work that you are doing. I appreciate your advice! You are doing a great job!

@MackenzieMaddox-r2i 3 ай бұрын

You always make complicated topics feel simple!

@krismorris4010 Ай бұрын

Truly gifted!

@GeorgMadsen Ай бұрын

Mel, this was a wery good recipi for me. This week I shall have the difficult talk with a college! Thank you so much. Georg

@benroytravels9881 3 жыл бұрын

Who else thinks about Mel’s rule of 5 seconds when you don’t what to get up from the bed? ✋😅

@cheryljune1603 3 жыл бұрын

But I get up when I want to, I’m 71, I am so tired

@benroytravels9881 3 жыл бұрын

@@cheryljune1603 ok…

@domenica6586 3 жыл бұрын

Me!

@the_furf_of_july4652 Жыл бұрын

Which rule of 5 seconds?

@krismorris4010 Ай бұрын

@the_furf_of_july4652 based on some of her online content (google her name and 5 second rule if you haven't already) and a book by the same title. The premise is to make decision regarding action (could be a basic as getting out of bed in the morning) and then count backwards 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and DO THE THING. You are taking action before your brain can engage and get you to second guess.

@lissam8988 3 жыл бұрын

We are not anger, we are not sad. We may be having a feeling of anger or a feeling of sadness. Never say I'm angry or I'm sad. Words are very important Don't own them. Just accept the feeling of anger or the feeling of sadness.

@mariabd1242 Ай бұрын

Hello, I watched this video before having a difficult conversation, and I couldn't believe how much IT HELPED, that you sooo much !

@PorscheMaria 3 жыл бұрын

THANK YOU! This is something that should be taught in school at an early age. I needed to see this, unfortunately I quit a job due to avoiding a difficult conversation with my boss. I’ve struggled with this issue with many people. I feel a bit more confident using these tools.

@mariajosesilva5538 3 жыл бұрын

Hi Mel. Thank God I find your channel. I needed this guide to deal with one emotional situation I’m facing at the moment. I’m following your channel for almost an year and it helped me a lot. Greatings from Portugal 🇵🇹

@debrad6599 Жыл бұрын

Mel you always come through at the perfect time - much needed! Thank you so much! ❤

@markhuber8345 3 жыл бұрын

Perfect message for me today on the day of my estranged daughters graduation. Thanks for reaffirming my mindset that will be needed today💐🙏😊👍

@heathers.9740 4 ай бұрын

Rehearsing actually does help sometimes, but its more like presenting the problem to someone on the outside so i could get a nonbiased response. It can help reorganize your thoughts or approach the situation in a better way.

@charityoverman 3 жыл бұрын

This video coming up the day after my best friend quit her job at my company via text- thank you.

@wxb200 8 ай бұрын

Although this was a short video, you made A LOT of really great points!!! I subscribed & liked immediately!

@miriammandel1968 3 жыл бұрын

This is an extremely helpful, simple, precise video. I will listen again and again. Thank you for your wisdom.

@AhmetKaan 3 жыл бұрын

*Most great accomplishments were achieved by the people, who at first had no idea what they were doing.* Keep going my friend. I am cheering for you. 🙂🖤

@girlonfire8405 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I like youuu

@AhmetKaan 3 жыл бұрын

@@girlonfire8405 🙏🙏🙏

@deannaspringer5340 3 жыл бұрын

YES!!! Amazing what validation does! Also amazing how many people do NOT validate your position or feelings. Very rare when actually its simple respect. Thank YOU!!!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰💯💥💥💥

@jennyrossman4614 3 жыл бұрын

Good morning

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@domenica6586 3 жыл бұрын

I love these techniques. They are on point, and very effective.

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@Gokay-op9sn 4 ай бұрын

Thank you for showed one way to who wanna have difficult conversation

@ZmeH906 Ай бұрын

Awesome! Love you Mel!!!

@clairelouise335 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Mel. My job involves lots of difficult conversations and I sometimes procrastinate. I'm going to try these techniques 👍

@susanaaires3979 Жыл бұрын

This is pretty good advice. The problem is most of the time, people don't deserve validation.

@Karaah1 7 ай бұрын

Yikes.

@EmperorMingg 4 ай бұрын

I needed this today, thank you so much.

@janebond3263 3 жыл бұрын

excellent !!! I love all your advices! thanks a lot Mel!

@lifecoachpaden 3 жыл бұрын

These are such powerful techniques. I love the bonus one especially. I believe we don't take time to rehearse having a difficult conversation when it can actually help us with the live thing! Thanks for sharing, always inspired by you Mel!

@ritazita1111 3 жыл бұрын

I like your videos much better without ANY background music. I find it distracting.

@evadeanu1 3 жыл бұрын

Agree

@InkLifter 4 ай бұрын

Ditto

@psoasiwassaying 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for this, so helpful!

@erlekont 5 ай бұрын

Great video, thank you so much!

@chrisolson3240 3 жыл бұрын

Excellent information when talking with parent of child and their childs behavioral development (toddler). Thank you.

@jeanettajohnson2079 3 жыл бұрын

Yes . Agree. Putting other person at ease. Making the other person feel heard.

@christianpulisic7784 3 жыл бұрын

Jeanetta Johnson,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺 dear

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@snowman1185-v 3 жыл бұрын

This was really sound advice! As well as extremely timely in my current life situation. SO i always appreciate your material. Nice to see people who share their wisdom and you always do it when i'm getting up which always helps sets the mood for the day. Thank you :D:D:D

@Ralkholi 3 жыл бұрын

Mel, thank you, thank you, thank you, I loved this.

@29aaronjones 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you Mel for this amazing video. All of it makes perfect sense. I have felt reluctant before with some tough conversations to validate their feelings because (to be fully honest) that might seem weak like "giving up power" or stepping back from some higher ground that I feel I entitled to. I have not always known what I want to see changed after a blowout. I wanted to be heard and validated during or after a tough conversation, but that is not a true goal. The biggest challenge I have with interpersonal tough conversations sometime is knowing what I want to have changed after the conversation. My stall point seems to be knowing what I deep down actually want other than a stop to some behaviour. So, I avoid some tough conversations. I know what I don't want, which gave me a red flag and a feeling of frustration, but I have not fully learned what I want long term as a goal from a new change in behaviour. Asking someone to "stop doing something" needs to also have a matching request for a new behaviour to replace a previously bad habit. Please reply if this makes sense. Thanks Mel

@fauziarahmatika4829 6 ай бұрын

This is really helpful. Thank you!

@mariaioanna75 6 ай бұрын

Excellent!!! Thank you

@TaylorJohnson1 Жыл бұрын

I happen to be the recipient of needing a difficult conversation today. I’ve known for two weeks and my anxiety has made me sick.

@Lard1147 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for this awesome video

@bayou__ Жыл бұрын

❤❤ valedate, just like double check for what you done. Or coworkers done. This is my experience in oils and gas field

@Bitcoinfibo 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks Mel, hi from Turkey. we love you a lot

@lynettehart2644 8 ай бұрын

Loved it and thank you.

@adriennetysim 3 жыл бұрын

This is perfect timing. Im going to have one on monday with a staff member!

@beverleyreid7572 3 жыл бұрын

I hear you girl. All those office issues.

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@CrystleSky 3 жыл бұрын

I love that your a good person your a really wonderful soul ❤🐎🐎🐎🐎

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@elismorales8384 3 жыл бұрын

Awesome. Thankyou so much. From Puerto Rico Elis.

@jennyrossman4614 3 жыл бұрын

Hello Eli’s👋

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@casamkt1 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks again, from Cali Colombia. S.A

@arianajoy1090 3 жыл бұрын

I so love this. I appreciate your brave and vulnerable teachings. :)

@evadeanu1 3 жыл бұрын

Nice! Short snd concise message.

@christaylor751 3 жыл бұрын

Great Idea's Mel, maybe you could do one on being on the receiving end of a difficult conversation, how to deal with bad news ...

@bhermann7281 3 жыл бұрын

Mel, thank you for sharing. You really are changing the way I am handling and living my life. I've always had trouble containing my emotions when speaking with anyone who has pissed me off, or when I need to discuss a difficult situation or event. I will try these steps with hope it will keep me calmer and my heart rate lower when I'm dealing with a difficult situation.

@christianpulisic7784 3 жыл бұрын

B Hermann,You look cute 🌹🌹 dear

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@candy2325 3 жыл бұрын

@@jerrypeter6478 okay calm down lol

@blackcatt10 Жыл бұрын

I’m really anxious, about to converse with my friend to see if we can work things out

@reyagu4607 10 ай бұрын

A few months later, if you feel like sharing how did it go friend ?

@darkshmoo1598 9 ай бұрын

im about to do the same thing and i am really anxious and scared that she won't wanna talk to me 😞

@godloveskaren 3 жыл бұрын

GREAT advice! Are there any videos that show examples of how to do this?

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@fluxdegreef5500 3 жыл бұрын

Brilliant stuff, Mel. Thank you! 🙏❤️

@alaiaadam5767 Жыл бұрын

💥💥🍾💥🍾💥 Think of the outcome meanwhile taking

@Julianaalcantara-u7y Жыл бұрын

that was very helpful. thanks =). i've been avoiding asking or mention the new boyfriend of my best friend. Because we've been friends for about one year, shes great. Since our first day going out, we talk all the time, every day and we do almost everything together. She understands my jealousy and i tried going out we both together. But i still feel like shes been taken. I know this sounds noone sense. But i am working on it. She desserves de best e hes really great. But i feel another thing, guilty and shame, for feel this way. Now the voice in my head keeps saying that i am not good enough to be around them. Anyway i am working on this e been talking to her, to help me get out of this feeling.

@clsaloha1100 3 жыл бұрын

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼😃. This was sooo good! I’m sending this to my kids👍🏼

@huntershipton 2 жыл бұрын

Loved and needed this Thank Mel! love you 🥰

@rachelcharris 3 жыл бұрын

That was great thanks lovely. Smart girl and see the lawyer there very helpful.

@jermaineedwards7157 3 жыл бұрын

Great advice, thanks Mel

@suzannefrancis1242 Жыл бұрын

Loved this ❤thank you

@MalianaTV 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks this is simple and really helpfull

@pholland8353 3 жыл бұрын

Love you Mel!!

@lithathilakan6657 3 жыл бұрын

Much needed for me for tomorrow

@sheyedlington9046 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

@twinkletoes800 3 жыл бұрын

Amazing practical steps. 👏

@johnayala2540 3 жыл бұрын

Excellent pointers❤❤

@rhaedark4480 3 жыл бұрын

Parece solo util para tratar un problema como una conversacion de negocios

@santoshikalavala9617 3 жыл бұрын

I will try my best

@GiGi_Ki001 Жыл бұрын

The issue with this approach is getting what you are after could take longer than this single discussion. By stuffing everything in this one discussion, you inadvertently ignore that this is a person as complex as the universe. What if you changed your goal to really understanding? You could be completely wrong.

@CazSity 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you!!!

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@amaliariganova5181 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, i really love that u put the video on with the theme i struggle with... Can u please gimme a hint (i know u already did) but please how to say the neighbour to not shut the door so noisely. She does it every Day almost all day, except when she is not at work. But im at home as i work from home, and its irritating me. The neighbour is actualy the owner of this house where i live. Thank you, God Bless u Mel and every one 🙏💞💜💚🌞

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

@amaliariganova5181 3 жыл бұрын

@@jerrypeter6478 😁🙏🌞🍀

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

Beautiful nice to meet a beautiful lady like you,where are you from

@amaliariganova5181 3 жыл бұрын

@@jerrypeter6478 from europe and u

@jerrypeter6478 3 жыл бұрын

Wow that is nice,I am from fort Bragg north Carolina,nice to meet you