How to cope when you’re stressed, rushed, and overloaded! (When not having enough time is torture)

Not having enough time is torture because you are in a constant state of being stressed, rushed, and overloaded. However, in my own life, it is self-imposed. I try to take on too many things and commit myself to too many things and then wonder why I get overwhelmed when it feels like I don’t have enough time. Do you often feel rushed that you don’t have enough time to manage everyday life? In this video, I will share what I recently learned and how to apply it to avoid being stressed and overloaded.
🎞️Timestamps:
0:25 Introduction
2:38 What I learned
4:57 Feeling slow and inefficient
7:27 Neuronormative Expectations
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👋Welcome to Autism From The Inside!!!
If you're autistic or think you or someone you love might be on the autism spectrum, this channel is for you!
I'm Paul Micallef, and I discovered my own autism at age 30.
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this channel in the first place because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
Autism affects many (if not all!) aspects of our lives, so on this channel, I want to show you what Autism looks like in real people and give you some insight into what's happening for us on the inside. We'll break down myths and misconceptions, discuss how to embrace autism and live well, and share what it's like to be an autistic person.
Join me as I share what I've found along my journey, so you don't have to learn it the hard way.
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➡️️ / @autismfromtheinside
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Peace,
~ Paul
#autism #asd #autismawareness

[@Green_Expedition_Drgn]

I love it when you confirm that how I do things is ok and not to let everyone else get to me.

[@ivanaamidzic]

You'll never catch me at the store without preplanned shopping list. If I don't have it, I am utterly lost.

[@gamezswinger]

Great video! Part of accepting our limitations is reducing our responsibilities as neurodivergent people. There's a great Albert Einstein quote: once we accept our limits, we move beyond them.

[@MaryanaMaskar]

Thank you for this quote! It's so true!

[@colleend80]

I GET OVERWHELMED AND STRESSED VERY EASILY. I MEAN IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH FOR ME TO GET OVERWHELMED

[@maxbladel]

Same 🥵

[@trevor807]

Just all that capitalization is enough to overwhelm me

[@bastianogr4960]

I loved this video. So much wisdom in there. Last year I went to rehab for the first time in my life. What I found out there, was, what an impact real pauses have on my entire day. By pauses I mean, sitting on a deck chair, staring into the trees and just let my mind relax. No thinking, no planing, no contemplating, no duties, no expectations, not trying to lead my thoughts in any direction. Just listening to the wind in the leaves, watching birds and clouds do their thing, taking up the smells and sounds around me. No activity at all. Only for 10 or 15 minutes. What a revelation that was. As you said, it's just a small adjustment, but it shapes the day into a completely different game.

[@gloriarourajaulin5748]

Similar to mindfulness

[@adrianariess9622]

Yes, I need that too in order to not keep thinking. Blessings.

[@peterdalton200]

Paul, I can relate to what you are saying. I am 57 years of age, and it takes me longer to accomplish tasks. I am expected to keep up with the pace of neurotypical people. When I relax and take my time, I feel better and accomplish more.

[@gloriarourajaulin5748]

Yes, sometimes incredibly quick and sometimes incredibly slow!

[@Sharkuterie327]

I’m about to write a “resignation letter” for a commitment that I cannot keep up with anymore. This was some real talk that I needed today. Thank you, Paul.

[@stefaniecolapinto]

that’s great 😆 sometime we really do need it

[@Sharkuterie327]

@@stefaniecolapinto It was a tough decision but definitely the right one!

[@sittingstill3578]

My old boss used the same strategy of denial of time. Everything had to be done in half the time but with perfect quality however, if you managed exceptional quality then you were berated for doing too good of a job. I have so many stories about how this was used to break and torture people. One year, we had three successive employees do midnight runs as a result of the massive accumulated stress. The background looks nice, Paul. Thanks to everyone for making it work.

[@sittingstill3578]

A midnight run refers to fleeing the country at a time when the owner/boss is unavailable and unable to react due to business being closed. Often this means leaving on a weekend or vacation.

[@KonjikiKonjiki]

I used to work at a large organisation performing meaningful, technical work. It just seemed like such a great fit on paper; unfortunately, it had become something that was incredibly non-ASD friendly because people with more seniority dictated how every little thing ought to be done, and those who needed to deviate from those restrictions were treated poorly. I can't believe how long I lasted in that kind of envieronment, as this video demonstrates, it was quite literally torture. I am still recovering from the stuff I went through there.

[@chrisgrain2204]

I cant tell you enough how much you are helping me accept myself with ALL my limitations. Previously I felt so so sad at all my inability, how LONG it takes me to make decisions and do tasks others can do so easily and quickly. I will no longer ❤hopefully beat myself up trying to be as good as others. I will try not to condemn myself, compete with others and not judge myself so harshly. Instead hopefully I can now accept myself, be kind to me like I usually am to others, admit to others when I need more time and stop expecting so much from myself and STOP allowing others to demand so much from me when I simply can't (not because I don't want to but because I simply don't have the needed resources to supply demand)😊❤

[@0hffs]

I know I'm only 3 minutes in but even when my routines are guaranteed to work, for me, and not anyone else, I get picked apart and questioned why I have do the things I do. I hate having to explain myself and the system that I have taken to eliminate as much physical and psychological stress for myself even though it's not for others to understand. There's a reason and purpose for me to leave 2 hours ahead for public transit travel. There's a reason I do xyz. I unfortunately have people in my life that just annoy me rather than help me.

[@ros8986]

I have found that even if I have decided on a purchase of a particular item, I need an hour in the store to look at and think about all the aspects of the item. When shopping on line I look at all the aspects (including price which may be that I decide, I am not sure about this item but for five or ten dollars I will experiment). One reason to delay acquitions is, for me, to see how many times I find I need a particular item, how much better will things be if I get it vs just accomodating that I don't have it in my life. And accepting that sometimes, even with my meticulous thinking and measuring, etc, an item jsut doesn't work out. On the other hand, I bought a wonderful pan for $10 at the thrift store and it is the best pan I have ever had.

[@timflatus]

This video gave me a big smile. Every day. I don't just take on too much I take on enormous projects which are almost impossible to complete. Recently I completed a couple of things that have been on my list since September and would have taken anyone else a couple of weeks. I never allow enough time for travel or to decompress, so I have learned to only schedule one thing a day and allow myself lazy days where I just watch youtube or do some gardening or whatever. In my head I just tell the people I imagine bullying me to do more that they'll just have to wait - or something ruder to that effect depending on my mood.

[@sharonvaldez9059]

You’re telling my story. What kindness and “self” care we are giving to our selves!

[@aslfdjalskjflkajs134]

I saw a video where a lady was sharing about her talented father who had so many gifts, but was very slow in putting his work out there for anyone, because everything had to be done by him, and everything had to be perfect to his standards. She wasn't judging him, just sharing his challenges on the spectrum, and some of his choices of managing his life. For me, it made me think about how I do that. And I still struggle with it. But I'm learning for certain tasks, half assing something is better than whole assing it. Because some things just need to be "good enough" not perfect, and there isn't time to do every single thing perfectly. Also, if I need to focus a lot and do one thing well that day, like cooking, something else may have to go to the side. If I have to visit, dishes etc may have to go to the side. If I'm working hard on a project, eating may be quick/easy/no-prep things. I have to decide what's important that day and let other things slide a bit. But at some point I need time to catch up (cleaning, meal prep, etc) or I will be very bothered by it, and/or unhealthy.

[@haleyeyre2418]

Thank you, great video Paul and the background looks good! 😊

[@JustMyAutisticalities]

Thank you for sharing. I do that all the time shopping. Stare at all the options for ages. If I'm rushed I can't choose and leave without the item. Thank you for the good insight and tips.

[@finnthehu200]

I do that all the time. If there are people on the same aisle as me and I don't already know exactly what I need, I will probably just leave, lol

[@heathermalone]

I was going to say a similar thing! If I'm rushed I either choose the wrong thing or don't get anything and end up without the stuff I need. There is always a degree of decision fatigue but it's worse when there's time pressure. I had to buy a lightbulb a few months ago and I was staring at the shelves for about twenty minutes.. rather than berating myself or trying to hurry myself up, I said it's ok to take my time, even if I'm here for hours the main thing is I get the lightbulb. I ended up making up a song and dance (literally) about the words on the lightbulb boxes, and that helped me to process the information as well as lighten my mood, haha.. And it didn't take hours, it only took twenty minutes! So even though it might have taken twenty seconds for someone else, that was a win for me 😅 .

[@JustMyAutisticalities]

@@heathermalone Wow, now that you mentioned it... I do sometimes hum a short melody over and over while trying to decide and this actually helps me not to be so overwhelmed by choice and information! I had a similar experience standing in front of a shelf of binders... For 30min and then walked away because I recognized that I was in decision paralysis. Went to a dollar store and they had only one kind of binder on sale and that's the one I got. Turned out perfect.

[@MadelineTasquin]

This popped up in my feed at the perfect Time!! I feel so additionally rushed these days by the multiple genocides unfolding and so many online conversations that just feel like more turd-slinging when we are all in the same boat. I know all the people who are fighting back and forth on my feed, and each one of them is a complex and unique human who I appreciate. It feels so frustratingly like "divide & conquer" tactics are winning, in every field of human activity, and of course it's all interdependent. So yeah, I feel myself grappling deeply with these questions of communication & fluid dynamics of human belief and emotion... how do we cultivate spaces where healing can happen? It's not a literal question I'm asking in this comment, but a larger field of exploration / special interest / deep dive that I feel is a lifelong study but it's coming to a head right now in such loud ways. Craving reclaiming of the imagination on a species-wide level, and I feel that embracing and learning about neurodivergency and spreading awareness is a beautiful thing that's parallel / concentric to this... Oh gosh, I didn't mean to write so much on that. What I wanted to express just how time-consuming these deep thoughts and these 1on1 conversations and research & reading about these things have been recently... SO, it's perfect timing to be reminded and supported in multiple AuDHD and Autistic spaces today that it's OK to crunch on things slowly/// reframing this time of my life where I am having very "little to show the world" as an investment in this Idea that keeps coming back, but that requires a lot of deep foundational research. Both/AND: "What if I still come out behind?" is also a beautiful re-setting of the barometer of what I view as "successful" from our daily Neuronormative Bath of expectations. Beautifully done, thank you friend! Much love & gratitude from Oakland, California!

[@BadNessie]

As someone who's always been slower than others at accomplishing simple tasks (like getting dressed, body hygiene, packing stuff, tidying up, cleaning, picking the right thing as a long term solution), I very much relate to this. Last year I returned back to my childhood home area after 23 years because I wanted to be in closer proximity to my aging family. That lead to lots of nice family dinners that I now need to reduce because I found that I can't get regular stuff done as soon as these appointments are added to the list regularly - although I obviously need to eat anyways, but it's a huge difference for me if I can eat whatever I want whenever I want or if there's a set appointment and it's social and it will take longer than eating alone. It's fun, but it's also incredibly draining for me, so much so, that I skipped other things to have the energy. Now I'm skipping a lot of those appointments, need to explain that I'm NOT depressive, but I also don't have a (edit: autism spectrum-)diagnosis, so I can't use that as an official excuse because it will be seen as bulls***. Thanks a bunch for this video, maybe I'll find a way to explain myself better due to this. 🩵

[@RubberTag]

Wow, this was amazing. I think you come to a correct conclusion. If I may share something similar from me, a work I was at before I got asked to put up a shelf on a wall and I gladly accepted it. I am not so good with handy stuff so I wanted to learn and develop new skills. But I was very cautious with how I was going to do it, over thinking and planning a lot. Wanted it to be straight and at a good height and stuff. Meanwhile I was talking with a colleague about it, another one came and said something like "Ah, just put it up, doesn't have to be so perfect", and took the drill and drilled a hole. The other colleague told him to be more chill and have patience with me. But I kinda defended the other colleagues position, he who drilled the hole, by saying that it is probably true that I am overthinking stuff. So I have tried to force myself to not do that. But I think I have to chill more and accept that I need more time

[@ThroughTheLensOfAutism]

I always had trouble finishing tasks on time, especially tasks that included writing (example school work) this made me seem lazy or just very slow.

[@pascalehunter8868]

It meant a lot hearing about your experience with being rushed and taking longer than others to accomplish certain tasks. There have been SO many times in my life, especially when I was younger, when I would take "too long" to do something simple like clean my room, and people around me would get frustrated. I didn't realize just how much shame and anxiety I had surrounding these moments. Thanks for making this video; it meant a lot!

[@veganphilosopher1975]

This video was exactly what I needed to hear. One thing I've been struggling with is that it takes me a long time to cook a clean. And while I want to learn how to be more time efficient, you've helped me realize I need to be patient with myself and allow myself the time I need to do things while avoiding burnout

[@xtremegamer78]

Good thing my job isn't rushed. I do MIG welding by the way.

[@lindalindalinda.]

Yes, that's it! If I allow myself to take the time it's so much more relaxed. On the other hand, moved house a year ago and still have to do a lot of things, I was shocked I "wasted" a year. But it's like you said: I just have to take my time with these decisions. And taking care of my kids is more important than unfinished stairs.

[@SpicyAutistic]

I had a lot of "surprises" come up for our household last year. I am trying to recover from Autism burnout right now. As a result, I had to withdraw from school. I don't like the idea of having to start loan payments soon, but it was too demanding of my time, causing me to feel rushed. Your video here helped reminded me that I need to be kind and gentle with myself and knowing it's okay to take as much time as I need to regroup and pause so I can recover. Thank you, Paul! 😊

[@smrblythe9898]

This video came in with such perfect timing for me. My responsibilities at work have changed a lot over the last months, and i’m still feeling quite overwhelmed and inefficient a lot of times. But I also know, that once I have fully passed this step of figuring out the new rules & processes, and established a routine for myself, it will take everything to a complete new level. I just need to give myself some grace, take the time I need and not compare my working style too much to others. So thanks for putting this so nicely together, a gentle reminder to everyone out here 😊

[@Judymontel]

Paul - I can't even begin to tell you how important this video is for me. Limitations. Mine change, depending on the day. Also, now that I'm older, some of my strengths have shrunk and BOY am I shocked at how much I used to take them for granted - both to move me forward, but also to give me a lovely morale boost. But I think my biggest problem with acknowledging my limitations is the sense of shame I feel. Your willingness to talk about this openly really helps reduce that shame - thank you so, so much!

[@ds.laetitia]

I relate so much to your "adhesive hooks process" ! That's me when I need to make any decision.

[@nanamikado999]

You have no idea how much I needed this video !!!!!!

[@kathymorris12312]

Always rushed....Too rushed to properly comment the way I'd like to right now. Thank you for this video, I feel better!

[@sharonvaldez9059]

YES!!!!! I totally do this. My husband of 20 years has always said “what’s so hard about that! You’re overthinkin it!”. My fight or flight kicks in before I have time to think. I now realize at 50 (diagnosed 3 months ago), I have always been autistic, and that was enough to traumatize me, that precious little bidy innocent girl as young as 3 years old, much less life and all the things that have shook me to my core, but that I gained wisdom and understanding from, and situations that flood thru my mind like video clips. I just don’t wanna have to go thru the trouble of returning it and allllllll that dread😩 So YEAH, I love to go everywhere, or no where, by myself. I absolutely looove it. Change my agenda and lighten my load with ease…🤓

[@divinelotus1322]

I found your video at a time I am myself feeling rushed and like I do not have enough time to do anything. The words that you mentioned "Sometimes I feel like I am really slow. I feel like I am really inefficient. That it takes me a really really long time to do things." I have the same thoughts especially when I see others moving at a faster pace than me and I think, why can't I? Your video made me realise that it is okay. It is the pace I move and that is totally okay. When I start something, I go deep in it and yes I take a lot of time to choose as well. But once I make a decision, once I complete the task fully as I wanted to by taking all the time, energy, focus I need, I have the feeling of complete satisfaction and belief that it has been done well and I don't ruminate over it after that. Whereas if I rush into doing something, I keep ruminating over it afterwards. So I'm definitely going to do things at my own pace and take as long as I need without any stress. Then I know I will actually be happy with the outcome and know it has been done well. I subscribed to your channel. I know I will get more wonderful insights. Thank you.

[@Muldra85]

Ouch, this hit so hard. After working myself out ofburnout for soon two years or so, slowly adjusting my life to a more autism/nevrodivergent lifestyle, I started accepting certain things about myself: that despite my struggles with routines, I really need some to offload my brain a bit, and, I need lots and lots of time completing ordinary daily tasks. My life started picking up pace again, and I began implementing more activities and commitments outside my home as these often are the best way for me to overcome inertia and having a fairly regular routine. However, the last weeks I have started to feel increasingly anxious and paralysed, as though i don't have enough time on my hands, even though the things I'm doing are really bringing me joy. And I realise that I expected of myself to just function in new spaces with new people, and to just continue with the rest as usual. Now at the brink of overwhelm I hope I'l manage to cut back on commitments a bit to avoid too much backlash and a new burnout period. Thanks for bringing all this very informative and relateable content to someone on the search for answers and solutions!

[@johnmyers8633]

I have really been feeling overwhelmed lately. Although, it's somethings I've struggled with often. I never thought about before how I could just give myself permission to actually take the time I need, to focus on my needs. Even that small revelation has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders.

[@SuzieQGirl]

10:46 Always battling time.

[@user-cf3vr8yt8j]

I absolutely get it and I feel the same. I'm self-employed and try as much a I can to work at my own pace and not to be held hostage to deadlines by simply not imposing deadlines for most projects. However, there are a number of down sides to this. I feel slightly unconfortable by taking a long time for certain things as I take note of how long others take for comparable tasks. Then there is the fonancial problem. Tasks not compelted means less or no income. And finally, no new products means customers look elsewhere in a market where shiney new and exciting products pop out every day. Worst of all is a competitor bringing out the same product I had been working on for a long time leaving me with little sales oppostunities even when I'm eventually done with my product. All this leads to a latent level of anxiety that ebbs and flows depending on how things are going...

[@spotterofgold]

9:33 to 9:49 was exactly what I did the first time I went shopping for Command hooks. 😂 The great thing is how your tone of voice and choice of words re-framed it for me in a way that feels supportive. Thanks, Paul.

[@cubinican1218]

OMG this was so helpful. I've been feeling like there aren't enough hours in the day, which makes virtual communication both at work and my personal life DIFFICULT. But I feel so much better about all of it after listening to your perspective. Reframing "slow to start" or moving at a slow pace in general as "front loading" is genius. It makes me and my brain feel better, PLUS, it's a great way to describe my process at work. Thank you so much😊

[@chainbreaker]

9:10 yeah, i do the same. I NEED the best option, is not a choice.

[@akari2084]

I really needed this video, thank you. I've been in a kind of a rollercoaster life for the past (10?) years, in the middle of which I sought help from a therapist, and I'm still struggling to get out of my burnout. At first gihe group was really helpful and now I feel even worse because I can't join the usual meetings since I simply have no time or energy left. Hope I can slow down a bit asap. Thanks again for your words, they make me feel less "wrong" for being how I am

[@mellowhny]

i remember when i had school late and in the next morning u have to do it all over again... but u would have needed a break or something... worst time ever when u don't have enough time but u can't regulate it yourself

[@itsmeraz3008]

Not diagnosed, just learning. But it made me chuckle thinking that im not the only one when out shopping and taking me ages to pick something. Whilst people around me have come and gone. Example, i will spend ages looking at the bananas to pick the best bunch for my family. So not too green not too yellow, not bruised, not too small or large, at the right price, consider how many bananas i have at home blah blah. And I do similar things with the rest of the fruit/veg.

[@christopherglover8048]

Wow. Only just found this channel. A lot of this video fits me. There is some comfort in learning this.

[@sonnentausnest]

I can't spend that much time in a store because it's certain to lead to sensory overload (too much noise, people walking around me etc.) I've taken to buying many things online. The juggling balls comparison really helps me right now. If I can reduce a few things, maybe I can cope better.

[@Geaners100]

I am AuDHD, so I have the conflict of wanting to do everything, but the autistic lack of "spoons" & demand avoidance. I usually feel rushed to hurry & get it done so that I can rest.

[@chong2389]

I have felt that I do not have enough time since turning 70. I have a need to get as much accomplished for others, as is humanly possible, before the clock runs out.

[@heathermalone]

This is SO helpful. I feel like I've been on this journey too but not been able to put the right words to the experience.

[@megr4576]

I am easily overwhelmed and overloaded. I am already anticipating that next week because of a sudden burst of unexpected demands at my job, other things are going to have to be put off or done half-assed or I might need more takeout meals because it's just more than I can manage without having a breakdown. It sucks but knowing my limits means not rushing into burnout. It's a learning process for sure.

[@jamestucker1126]

I always relate to so much of what you say, Paul. I've been following you on and off for about a year now, and what you say, never gets old. I even like watching your earlier videos. I'm loneliest in a room full of people. Because, when I'm actually alone, I can at least pretend that people like me. How sad is that! When I get some spare cash, I plan to sign up to your site on patreon. I've talked about most of the topics you've raised over the years with my psychiatrist, at one time or another. Which just goes to show how similar our trajectories have been. You are most definitely, not alone. I got onto my psych because I needed his help with a bullying case that I had brought against my employer (a government agency, no surprise there). That was 10 years ago, and I won the case. But I still see my psych. Sadly, he's the only person who has really ever 'understood me'. I'll never forget the day he said to me, "You've done extremely well, considering your condition". I just cried, uncontrollably, for about a quarter of an hour. Me, a 55- year-old man! Well, I'm 65 now now, and retired. I was always last at pretty much everything I did. No-one cared that I was almost always right. They also didn't like the way I did things. The fact that even got things done which other people couldn't do was never good enough. "I didn't think you could do it", was all one boss (our Chairman in fact) said to me after I once completed 3 months worth of work in 6 weeks. A simple 'thank you' have been nice. I was subsquently overlooked for promotion because, according to my boss' someone on the Board didn't 'like me'. But he couldn't or wouldn't say who or why! And that wasn't even the bullying case! Now that I am retired, it's as if a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. These days, my wife is my only boss. She doesn't always understand me but she does have the patience of a saint. So, we work, quite unlike my first wife. My dearest is quite literally the only person who has ever let me do things my way and at my pace. So life is, at long last, good. If someone doesn't get me or the way I do things now, I simply drop them from my very small inner circle of fellow 'odd balls' (except, of course, for very close family -you can choose your friends but ... ). Oh, the freedom, to finally be me! By the way, I love your new work space!

[@polyesterbebe]

when you overthink and put all your energy in, you get very little in return

[@CLGlitter76]

I can find university difficult here in UK with deadlines but I have a "RAP" in place that gives me additional support and an extra week for deadlines.

[@Mcstalley]

I can relate to every single one of these thought processes, Paul

[@wirkaswirka]

I often feel rushed and overwhelmed. The problem is that I just don’t know what is important. I try every trick to prioritise but nothing works. I also like to think things through before I finish. I try them in my head or in real life. I call it „playing”. It makes me much calmer. I can make mistakes, try things, move them around. I even allow myself to change my mind😂 But when it’s done it’s done. Finished. No changes were planned! If they are needed it’s like a failure. Too much effort and work to undo and do it again. To correct or change the concept. I don’t have time for this. I wanted it to be finished and move to another task. My brain starts it’s alarm mode. It’s exhausting.

[@Jaydensautisticguide]

To understand what is important you need to look at your values. If you have values you can align to that may help you stem out to what might be important. For example What I want to improve: Socialising is important to me Action: go out to that party I don’t Want to go to

[@Catlily5]

​@@Jaydensautisticguide Lots of times it isn't having to do with values for me. It is do I take a shower or clean the cat litter box. Do I wash dishes or sweep the living room. Stuff like that.

[@Jaydensautisticguide]

Oh I was looking at it a little deeper. What you can do to figure out those two things is this.… Example : If I Dont clean the car litter box then.…. If I dont sweep the floor then….. You can aso analyze what needs to be done first Is the car litter box over flowing? Is the floor so dusty you can see the floor? Prioritise the most important thing first. What's more urgent to clean

[@Catlily5]

@@Jaydensautisticguide I am thinking about what will happen next. The prioritizing is the problem.

[@Jaydensautisticguide]

@@Catlily5 could you test writing it down? If you think of everything at once it can get overwhelming. What I like to do is focus on one thing at a time. I know this one particular task needs to be done so I write it down and write what time I will do the task Example 8:00 shower Don't worry about priorities to much unless is very very serious issues because then you can get overwhelmd on simple tasks. So my advice would be to write it down and then go do the task (at specific time) and just focus on finishing that one task. Then eventually the task will get done .

[@hollieverafter]

I'm less than a year into knowing I'm autistic and I'm still trying to figure out how much I can manage. I'm sorry afraid of cutting myself too short too soon when it's something I may just need to find a different way to do. My biggest example is my job. I am an independent travel advisor and a trainer with my agency, which is one of the top Disney-centric agencies. I love most of what I do and my team is more like family. But I always feel like you explain in this video. I think, months later, I'm coming to the realization that, as my business and role have increased, I can't sustain it, and that is a source of grief for me. It's the lack of consistent routine as we are often in a ‘responding’ mode with clients. That constant context-switching is so stressful for me over time. I need a more predictable routine, I'm afraid. I also think that's why I love my teaching role as a trainer for new agents. I get to deep-dive topics for presentations and can create videos, which gives me control. Anyway, I just don't want to make a rash choice when I obviously am ‘new to this’ and end up ending something I could have figured out, long-term, because of how I feel now. Wow, that was an emotional dump. Lol. I hope it makes some sense.

[@DJ_Dopamine]

I have changed careers (including passing several degrees to suit) over the years because I can never find the right job/career for me. I'm still searching, even as I hit my late 40s! But a consistent routine at work is very important. So long as you love what you are doing, otherwise the boredom sets in and that leads to issues with motivation for the likes of us. It's a difficult balancing act, finding that motivation/challenge, whilst not being over challenged! I certainly understand the context switching issues. I've always tried to work on a single large project at work. But my superiors prefer to have me in a senior role, managing 3 or 4 projects at once. This is a cause of stress and difficulty that's entirely due to the context switching.

[@janeylane87]

That's exactly, exactly what I'm feeling right now! I feel so stressed out always with anxiety and overwhelm to the point where I'm doubting my abilities to do anything. But I talked it out and listened to others talk about overwhelm and I came to this conclusion you talk about here. I just took on too much I wanted to go too fast and I needed to allow myself time and space to go slow. It's ok if I don't get to the finish line with everyone as long as I do it at my own pace 🐢. Thank you so much for this it was very reassuring and helpful ❤!

[@HansImWald]

Unfortunately, I'm a doctor and can't always choose how busy I am. All in all, it's a very bad situation for me at the moment and I'm currently compensating for it with unadvisable means. Sometimes I don't know whether this is still the right job for me.

[@barbaraf.115]

Thank you for that, Paul. Very well explained. Relate to all of it. 65 years old, research for hours, spend lots of time in stores, etc... Recently moved to Europe from Canada and talk about the amount of routines that need to be set up with EVERYTHING different! This helps a lot to know I am not the only one needing LOTS of time.

[@rhuechantal6316]

Thank you so much for this video. It came at just the right time. As I have recently moved myself, I am learning so many new things that the locals take for granted. The town is quirky and not logically laid out. So I am giving myself time to learn to navigate it. It is definitely the stress of being rushed, and the stress of some people demanding that I navigate life here like a long time local. There are many wonderful changes here as well as challenges. I do best when I just look at it as an adventure. I accept that I need time to learn, to acclimate, and to develop new systems for these new environments. Thank you for Gently reminding me that I can give that time and patience to myself, take breaks, pace myself, and accept my limitations.

[@lynnstillwell2]

Very relatable. I'm much older than you are, and I've learned the peace that comes with accepting limitations and not worrying about what others think about my limitations. You're doing great! 😊

[@gloriamurley385]

This practice brings the joy back to life

[@flyygurl18]

Emotional. So, it's Natural (not defective) to need to do the heavy legwork at the beginning super thoroughly (Front Loading) because it will make everything easier and more efficient in the long run (and having the need to do this with every process or decision-making). It's a constant mental battle, just racing against my own clock and doubting my strategy; connecting these two elements in such a way is so relieving. Also, identifying the unanticipated (extra time) is a crucial factor as this is often required for successful Front Loading...It's ok to be the slow coach..very enlightening.

[@NotPMHarper]

A huge energy crash/potential autistic burnout is the thing that made me really stop and seriously consider whether I might be autistic. I am a very "accomplished" person and have been all my life. I've been able to do many activities and projects while getting good grades and such. I always prided myself on being efficient and being able to get a lot of things done in a day. But that came at the cost of constant overwhelm, anxiety, self-hatred when I didn't meet the high bar I set myself, and exhaustion where I would have mini energy crashes every few months. As I've gotten older and moved through different life stages (childhood to adolescence to university life to full-blown adulthood), I have had to seriously cut back since a life of running myself into the ground has made me unable to keep up with everyday life things. I have begun adopting similar principles to what you talk about here; allowing myself the time to be "inefficient" and not rush around all the time. It has been really liberating and I am slowly getting less burnt out/fatigued.

[@4Nevyn]

This is an issue that I cannot explain to people. I have to spread out to ensure that I can manage.

[@SuzieQGirl]

0:47 They do the same thing in the Army.

[@StarWonder]

Lots of deep breathing, & lots of mindfulness practice for me. Lots of positive thinking, not being mean or hard on myself, & radical acceptance for what is out of my control, as well as taking responsibility for what I can do. If I'm not mentally available, I can't be physically or emotionally available too. Reaching out, asking for help, communicating directly, finding solutions, keeping a list of what my priorities are & following it. If I'm feeling so rushed I'm not functioning well then it's toxic for me as much as anyone else around me. So I take responsibility to take every available option to set myself up for success, & being kind to myself -when- mistakes happen, no one is perfect. Having DBT helped a lot, for mindfulness. Grounding exercises. But really making sure I care about myself enough to actually stop & take account of as to why/how things turn into not enough time. Such as not paying attention to how much I'd agreed to do for others without taking into account of my own limits. When it happens, I then take responsibility & reach out & communicate & apologize for previously established expectations cannot be met & try to find an amendable/amicable solution. If my way isn't efficient, look for other's experiences to gain more knowledge, practice those things. Using scripting methods really helps with it. No matter what, no matter how complicated or difficult, self-love, patience, self-kindness, not being mean to oneself is so important to get to a place where I can be productive & not feel like I'm not enough or not doing enough. Some things I'm slower at because of loss of time/bodily experience, plus I have chronic pain issues & disabilities related, so I'm FORCED to slow down. Sometimes if I try to push myself, it backfires so bad I am left out of commission for way too long & am actually not able to take care of myself properly. My becoming disabled at 12 years old gave me the unique slow-down perspective because I literally couldn't keep up, so I had to live that way, accepting I can't or won't be like others & to stop comparing myself. Instead, reevaluate what my successes are. Woke up & fed the cats? Success! Brushed teeth for even 2 seconds, or rinsed mouth with water (I have to shower to brush my teeth or the sensory overload makes me gag/vomit so without a shower to be a different overload enough for me to deal with fully brushing my teeth, it's the best I can do) success! Took care of myself in any way, or got dressed, or ate, or even slept at all! All success! It really changed my perspective. Changing my environment when I can, like too many dishes/utensils to wash/keep up with, just use a couple, put everything else in storage for guests/more people visiting, or give it away. Or accepting that I can run a load in the dishwasher not full, or that even if there is a pile of dishes, just one single load in the dishwasher or one single dish washed by hand is a drop in the bucket, all success. Changing how I looked at things, while it still feels overwhelming & I still even cry or get angry about the piles that can happen, I'm getting better at breathing through it, figuring out if I can do something about it then & there, or to put it on the schedule of what to do/how many spoons I have/etc. Changing how I measure success, keeping account of what I'm actually getting done, finding it is a lot more than what I don't get done. Putting things into a different perspective with different methods. Also, doing the thing I don't want to do, that helps a lot. Saying out loud even, how hard it is, how I don't want to do it, & that's okay, & then telling myself I don't want to, but I'm going to, then getting it done - within my limits. Or asking for help with things outside my limits. If I can't get help, it can be overwhelming, very lonely, but I try to work on solutions. (If something falls out of my hand, & I can't pick it up, I can use my cane to help with most items, using it like a hook or different ways to move what I need off the ground. I had an incident I dropped my cane down a step, someone went to help, I said it's okay, this time I got it, I had my collapsible cane with me too, (I wear raver pants that have giant pockets at the lower-leg area, I usually keep with me in case I do lose my solid cane) then I used that to pick up my other cane. Then I started taking both with me everywhere just for that reason, then found it useful to pick up trash having two canes too. Just constantly looking for new innovative ways to use something I already have as more than it is, focusing on that instead of that I can't get something done. When it is something I really can't get done, & no one can help, I search elsewhere, resources, online, ask ChatGPT, or come watch videos like this by fellow Autistics & ADHDer's! Gaining valuable insight & perspectives I can't experience on my own & finding value in what others go through & appreciate any vulnerability it takes to discuss it & share it openly so others can learn too!

[@e.2172]

What's DBT

[@Catlily5]

​@@e.2172 DBT = Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It is a mix of cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness etc. I found it useful as well. It is a very practical type of therapy. I heard they have adapted it to use with autistic people.

[@chrisgrain2204]

Hopefully these new strategies will help because currently nothing seems to refill my internal battery. I am so so depleted that all I can do is exist from day to day. Never realised I was autistic until a few days ago. It now makes perfect sense to my life and is finally explaining EVERYTHING in my life. It was the giant missing piece that finally is giving clarity and understanding Praise the Living God who has shown me and I greatly thank Him for you Paul. 😊❤

[@franbragg6747]

More haste less speed is a saying made for autistic people. Carefully thinking through issues is very valuable in many complex situations and can get some things done more quickly in the long term. As an engineer confronted with a boring, repetitive task, I might spend longer writing some code to automate the process that I would have just doing it manually. But the code doesn't get bored and make mistakes like I would have and if the task needs doing again, the code is sitting there waiting. I'm sure many neurotypical people have routines for e.g. coping with mornings rushing out to work, getting kids to school and so on to reduce the executive function load. Even if the situation doesn't appear complex, my experience is it can easily go wrong. I have often returned from a shop in the past with an inappropriate item: an item of furniture too large for the space it needs to go in, or just as likely way too small, because I haven't bothered to measure it properly, taking account of the width lost to skirting boards or whatever other issue might be relevant, trusting myself to just get something that looks about right. I don't do that any more. The more we can understand ourselves and work with that, acknowledging that a challenge in some situations is an advantage in others, the more peaceful we will become.

[@ivanaamidzic]

One of the most heartbreaking things ever is to hear and see how many good, creative, interesting, loveable and lovely people, that are traumatized, have Autism, etc., think and feel that just because they don't do things fast enough or in a certain time line, or if they simply can't do some things and need help and struggle a lot with others, it must mean that there is something wrong with them and that they're doomed and then are shamed of how they are. :( If I could do one thing, I'd take this pain and inadequacy feeling away from everyone.

[@jools7234]

Thank you Paul, this was very useful. I can relate to this completely

[@jennifervieira99]

I found out that one of my camand hooks that some of the hooks don't work for some of the things that you need to hang up like your pictures need the stronger hooks and some have a wider hook and some have a metal hook which helps hang a wreath on the front door so I think it makes sense that you were looking for the hooks to make sure it was the right one and not waste time and money on the wrong hooks. I have autism too but high functing autism and I get burnt out by stress and anxiety if I have to much going on all at once so I try to work on one thing at a time but then I feel the anxiety of not being productive enough with my time and energy so I start trying to add more things as I go through cleaning up the house or getting errands ( post office, library books returned, groceries shopping etc) done. That gives me anxiety if the house is not clean/ perfect cleaned. I can smell dust and other smells that are dirty in the kitchen and bathrooms and living room carpets I dislike carpets and dirty laundry, the air filter too. I also smell animals too wild animals like snakes smell like cat urine to me and thats gross but I know when there is one close by and im always right. I saved a snake out of our pool and I believe it followed me all the time outside if I was doing yard work or washing my car. I know that is strange but I think that is part of my super charged system that gets overloaded at time's and causes other sense to be stronger..I noticed that in me and how I get frustrated with things I can smell things more stronger than other people. People have looked at me like I was weird because of knowing something that I've never seen before....but then I can't figure out details to directions and what or how to do something else I'm all turned around with it and I can't figure it out.

[@chrisgrain2204]

Thankyou Paul. That's a great way to approach something new. That really helps me replace my unhelpful mindset with: spending the time in advance no matter how long it takes me now, for the changes will help me later on. The LORD is really using you to help and reach us. I greatly appreciate you.

[@kapelik]

Thank you so much for this video, it hit hard :') Even in ND community, I don't seem to find the level of understanding I'd expect when it comes to my struggles managing things with the daily budget of 24 hours. I already know things take me significantly more time than "average" people, for various reasons, and I am trying to accept that it has to be that way. However, what I don't understand is where you get that extra time if you allow yourself to do things at your pace. In the end, we still work with just 24 hours every day. And I don't particularly enjoy agonizing over adhesive hooks (that's an amazing, extremely relatable example and kudos for just 15 minutes :')), because i'd rather be doing something else and analyzing rarely gets me closer to making a decision anyway. So I'm curious to know how everyone deals with the daily budget that is equal to all of us.

[@user-pt5fb8tu1u]

Thank you for these words/explanation. Also, I appreciate that you frequently look up while you talk. I do this all the time rather than look people in the eyes when I talk with them. I’ve not experienced/seen anyone else do this. It’s a wonderful normalizing feeling to see someone else do that and (think ? that I) know why.

[@KNRK379]

Taking all the time you need to do any task? What a privilege.

[@deadset8091]

I always get the heaviest load hooks b/c some paintings are a bit heavy

[@s.b200]

Thanks in part to your videos I am seeing that I'm not the only one with these non-conventional needs and ways to do things=) My autistic life has become so much more joyful and manageable - and with less burnout!

[@robertomoi2044]

I'm autistic and that accent really grates on me. The notes flowed up and down like almost singing, too. It's very hard to listen to.

[@e.2172]

This resonates so much with me, thank you for this video ❤

[@tracyneil9248]

Oh my goodness! You could be describing me!

[@jnl3564]

If you feel like maybe the strategy of front loading doesn't pay off over time, it's possible that you're severely undervaluing your peace of mind. Your happiness matters! And it's ok to "inefficiently" spend time with that being the main goal. When that's taken into consideration, being slower than others doesn't actually matter.

[@sonnentausnest]

That's an excellent way to put it. Thank you for this.

[@jeffreypollan308]

I recently started to adopt the same attitude. I’m hoping that this video helps to reinforce it.

[@luisrojas7987]

Interesting topic. Than you very much. I always feel so slow since i was a child, everything takes the double amount of time. My strategy has been to improve planning skills, delegate some tasks to other people, work when i feel full of energy even if it is not the regular schedule and the basic one, accept the reality and who i am. It can be ugly at times, but it is true that average people are better than me in regular tasks, but i can win in planning activities and designing strategies, so it is compensated in my favor. Thank you for your content.

[@TessaCoker]

Wait till you’re older, honey, everything takes twice as long !

[@evelynesimon5758]

I can accomplish quite a lot in record time, many have noted. I find it horrible to switch between working modes though, ie between phisical and administrative and I need a full day with nothing to worry about but sleep and eat at least every week.

[@sarahleony]

9:17 I feel called out 😅

[@dianarose1513]

I have been struggling with these exact things! I have not been able to get my whole life to work! I am going to look at everything again and see what I can manage and what I can't! Thank you for what you spoke about! It was all soo helpful! I have CPTSD! I may have Autism! My oldest son shows signs of Autism! I did not know this before!

[@Electrowave]

Good to see you have the full set of Underdogs! 😀

[@existenciaintegrativa]

Thank you so much for your videos. 🙏🙏🙏

[@laurahoman7083]

"Two weeks" was exactly my guess. I get it.

[@catholicactionbibleonlyist1813]

Yes,sometimes I feel rushed

[@rachelmolina3995]

The background looks great! Designing sets take a lot of time. Very nice! Thanks for a great video.

[@michellelambton3636]

Love the background, super happy to see your spider plant doing so well. I’m also taking a long time to devise a cleaning schedule for my workplace. Thinking I’ll go slow so I catch all the things that happen over the month 😃. Thanks Paul!

[@talon5641]

Devon price phd's books are great this one makes me think of laziness does not exist, unmasking autism was great for me too.

[@caraziegel7652]

ugg, i cant imagine how to do that. it always feels like everyhting is on me and i have to do it all and i'm always already behind. Sometimes i can convince myself that its ok. in fact, my middle child often tells me that it will get done when i get it done, and its not 'late'. but its not often that I feel ok about it

[@chearahendry1502]

Thank you for this video. I used to get into trouble in the charity shop I used to volunteer in because I got distracted easier or it took me longer to do some tasks than others, the manager was always getting on at me for being too slow. I was always stressed whilst I was there, or very nervous around him

[@Catlily5]

You were a volunteer and he harassed you? That is wrong.

[@swordseye2]

Just every day life gets me overwhelmed. Taking a shower takes a day of mental preparation and about 30-60 minutes actively. It's exhausting being autistic

[@lonewolfgaming5245]

Thank you for making these videos.

[@Shelly-qq8gm]

I got diagnosis of autism like a year ago, and on top of that a have a severe seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Both combine is like a real mess in winter. right now i'm working on reducing my activites for the next winter to see how things will go. During the low energy month is like impossible to change anythings, because I didn't have an energy left for that. so I need to plan way ahead for the next winter. In winter is like a leaf will make me fall, and in summer is like I can lift mountains.

[@drsandy842]

How can I help someone going through this?? My son has Asperger’s and he becomes overwhelmed he gets angry and sometimes it comes out in aggressive ways

[@Craigjamieson88]

Paul, I love your videos and you gave a talk at my NHS workplace a few months ago. I couldn't find anything relating to the "time stress" as a form of torture on Google, though, do you have any info?