How To Create DESIRE In A Long-Term Relationship | Esther Perel & Lewis Howes

[@juwa4519]

Thies Woman deserves Standing Ovations👏👏👏👏 Thank you so much

[@kristinstewart5556]

I love the theme of flipping the focus on one’s self internally than outward toward the other. Not selfishly but as a way to clarify the essence of a relationship.

[@cm-kl2wx]

This is what love used to mean...' what do I bring to the relationship? How can I meet my partners needs? What are their needs? As a man I'm never asked these questions my modern women...I think that, as she said, the sexual revolution in the West has done great harm to relationships overall.

[@ng-marc]

100% agree there is no one and only. That said, unconditional love definitely exists. It exists for your children, mother, father, sister, brother, dog, cat and yes your life partner. The issue is the definition of love itself in popular culture has been corrupted. Lust, romance, attraction, pleasure, sex is not love. Confusing these terms is creating mass misery. Love is unconditional appreciation and acceptance of another soul. Reducing it to an orgasm or butterflies is fun in the moment but unfulfilling in time because that is a lower vibration. Real love, leads to real heart felt joy and peace in the deepest aspects of our souls. Nothing wrong with a romantic passionate experience but that is not love. Long term relationships must be built on stone, not quicky sand.

[@ng-marc]

Ps: Let's be honest. Reproductive rights are limited to one gender. Men still are playing by the old rules whether they know it or not.

[@azharnaqvi4599]

Maybe 🤔

[@eraniklihsuk]

Beautifully summed up

[@MindfulChaos]

Quickie sand lol. I don’t know if that was intentional but 👌 good stuff

[@eg4514]

Yea it exists but you can still choose to cut them out of your life while loving them. 😌

[@elainec5333]

I sometimes feel that many people don’t know how to do life. Some don’t know what, how, when to eat. Some don’t sleep more than 3 hours for months straight. Some don’t move their bodies enough. Some don’t even breathe properly. Some don’t know how to write with paper and pen. Some don’t think critically. Some really shouldn’t be driving. Some don’t have the emotional or intellectual bandwidth to transcend trauma. It’s no wonder why relationships have become more impermanent. I don’t necessarily think that needs to be judged as good or bad. I don’t know anything for sure quite frankly. Just sharing my opinion today. I might change my mind later when I relocate to another country with a different demographics. I think having self reverence and being unapologetically honest is liberating and kind.

[@colsadventures]

The other major change within the last generation is how long we stay with one company. Our village keeps changing because we keep changing jobs. Everything is becoming more superficial including our work and social relationships so we lean in on the one who is still there. We need the village, and we need stability in those social relationships if we keep changing jobs or industries.

[@ps6572]

This podcast moved me.. the wisdom , knowledge , host and guest were exceptional. I feel I could listen to her forever. Thanks for bringing this to us..

[@teah1210]

Esther is amazing. Love the wisdom she shares with her captivating charm!

[@GreatnessClips]

Glad you enjoyed it! Means a lot!!!

[@histakes12]

If it’s just the two of us, I can always blame you. If it’s a community, I have to be accountable to everybody else too.

[@davidkauffman3398]

So very true!!

[@Christine66]

Having a community around me has been the best thing in my life!! It feeds my soul... and has been good for me in my relationship with my BF, and he's good with it. 😊

[@stephaniefortney22]

She’s a beautiful a jewel …. This interview is Powerful…..absolutely brilliant….filled with incredible insight, clarity, wisdom, and truth….. I wish everyone could hear and learn from Esther, an absolute Gift! Thank you both for this Interview it’s all Wonderful Insights, we’re never done learning…. Very Grateful

[@GreatnessClips]

You're welcome, thank you for tuning in🧡

[@Strathom1]

I have listened to it several times now, and I always find new aspects and perspectives important for me and my relationship. Especially the last definition: The good foundation! 13:26 👌🙋‍♂️💯

[@sophieblooming8555]

Curate a portfolio of relationships which contribute to life in different ways. But that special one for the deepest connection of all is the whole premise of why we are viewing here to learn how to build such a deep running and long lasting one.

[@richardrosebealprestonjohn3144]

So spot on! This lady! Today's world so much more to deal with!! Exhausting / exhilerating - depends how much you want out of life.

[@rudeawakening3833]

Wow … This blew me away . I feel as though many of these points exits in my present relationship ; which is FAR more enjoyable and fulfilling than any that I’ve experienced in my past … Thank you 🙏

[@kimgordon3695]

"a Home is a foundation with wings" ~ Esther Perel

[@freshliving4199]

To desire someone or something is to be subject to that desire. I’d rather be free from desire. This way when a person or thing is added to you, you are grateful and can appreciate it fully. No matter if it brings suffering or pleasure. You win/grow either way.

[@evaggeliastavropoulou7829]

I'm the complete opposite: I don't desire anyone, ever, not even when the opportunities arise. I'd like to feel that desire thing about someone, even if only once in my lifetime.

[@hb0012]

Great content. I was a confirmed bachelor and never wanted children then I had one, a daughter. I changed without even trying and suddenly the things I pursued become just things that really didn't matter.

[@kerryfoster1]

Having children changes both your expectations and values. Who wants to be a confirmed batchelor?

[@JohnNy-ni9np]

I can relate, life without the joys and responsibility of parenting is not complete.

[@JurajHatina]

Just wow! I’ve seen dozens on videos if not hundreds regarding this topic but this one seems to hit really deep and feels profound!🙏Thank you!

[@NYCLight]

Priceless sensibilities and wisdom! Wonderful conversation. Things I wish I knew, say ..…. 30+ years ago. Let’s see if ‘never too late’ holds up in this awakened chapter of my life. ❤. Thank you for your brilliant content!

[@GreatnessClips]

You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡

[@Scheherazad100]

It's never too late. Don't box yourself in. You get what you work for. This is true in a romantic and sexual relationship too. You keep building thru the various types and stages of intimacy. Get out there. Get dressed up, put lipstick on, smile, shoulders back and face the world every day with confidence and hope. Enjoy the journey and have faith. Just love those open to your love.❤

[@kerryfoster1]

Yes the one and only is a myth! You chose somone and become 'contented' with them. This can happen several times in a lifetime! We mould our connections to that person. The most wonderful and satisfying experience in life.

[@GreatnessClips]

🧡

[@drbobinski1]

Thank you Esther. You are brilliant and wise. I learned so much. And thank you Lewis for your excellent interview.

[@mishajade3960]

Foundation and wings sounds good to me, it takes 2 people that truly want to be there and putting the work in to maintain it by being honest to what they truly want from the beginning and no hidden agenda, that’s why most relationships don’t work. People hidden agenda could be for financial or other family related matters, etc 😅

[@KRAZEEIZATION]

She just confirms what I’ve learned by the time I hit 54!

[@DanielAlves-hj8zb]

I've never experience anyone ever express it so clearly.. i absolutely love everything you said and relate with it Thank you!!

[@jdcharlie]

Yes. I have had a lot of mental disagreement with the word "soulmate" As human beings our wants/desires are infinite, never-ending. To have too many expectations from another person is to set yourself up for disappointment. Soulmate is not a person! It is the quality of experience we have with a person.

[@phoenixrisin2269]

Men become strong when they can control their desires. Meditate on it!

[@ivywildwss]

As long as both partners don't expect the other spouse to not have any male friends if they have female friends etc.

[@lornabartlett2744]

8:16 Happier to practice years with the one and only in the Forefront of my heart deep in my soul to carry me in His gracefully, mercifully into the eternal, temporal good in my spirit entering into a growing thriving examining all inclusive spiritual life for the glory of Abba Father loving Sovereign Savior and soon coming King!! Thank you Merci 8:16

[@macavelli8905]

Good conversation romantic unconditional love is very difficult to establish, but research findings indicates it's very real and for the few who have found it. They know it takes time...

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you so much!😊

[@ringoheinrich7021]

Well thought and spoken. ... I will come back and watch it several times.

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you so much! 😊

[@spicey1731]

Her perspective and wisdom are distinctly influenced by the fact that she looks at American culture from an outside pov. So she can call us out on our ridiculous myths and entitlement.

[@iamBANGMARTIN]

Agree. Definitely disconnected from reality

[@oliviaknight1123]

​@@iamBANGMARTINI don't think this means she's "disconnected from reality" 😮

[@iamBANGMARTIN]

You are wrong @@oliviaknight1123 , also Your sister - Olivia Newton John - was much cooler. RIP!

[@oliviaknight1123]

@@iamBANGMARTIN 🤣 I agree, she was much cooler! 😘💋❤

[@for4forever]

Lack of desire in relationships is not an “American thing”

[@HawaBintYusuf]

It's always a pleasure to see Esther wish it was longer

[@GreatnessClips]

🧡

[@mammadijacopo3347]

Great advice liberating, so true Live life in the moment, things change people change

[@casualobserver1204]

Hey Lewis, I just need to say how good the lighting is on your videos.

[@princessxena7686]

I wished that the olden days were still valued 🙏

[@soul-etude]

One question: why people, without ever having an experience of having a single person for all our major needs, are still longing for it? Can we all want the same thing, just because we are ready to give it? I do not need a whole village in my partner - a dentist, a farmer and a doctor, but I do want a lover and a friend. A friend can share with you a lot of things, compared to a colleague or a parent or an acquaintance, plus I want my partner to want me physically. It's not a lot to ask from a person! And it's not a lot to give either!

[@JasonLiske]

Amen

[@marimolnar4129]

Wonderful, amazing coaching. With charme, remarkable. Thank you very much, merci beaucoup Ester, c'êtait magnifique!

[@GreatnessClips]

Appreciate you for watching! 🧡

[@Sunshine-tm9fs]

Perfect questions and answers and comments too❤

[@panpanpanpan4631]

She is sooo cool! So fresh

[@stillme7535]

I wish more people watching this

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you! 🧡

[@robertturner5848]

Once again the lady makes sense.

[@kentondragon9263]

Everything is easy...just find someone that brings you peace and vice a versa😌.

[@mediastreamtong3144]

great video, but it seems the question in the title has NOT been directly answered

[@deborahlee1442]

I was thinking the same thing!! I thought I had missed it.

[@canalofbits]

I love Esther Perel ❤

[@TipoStereoRecords]

This was a beautiful conversation

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you so much 🧡

[@Tephiffany]

So beautifully articulated...

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you!

[@CiluhStyle1]

She is absolutely, scientifically, accurate about everything she said. This is what life is about!

[@GreatnessClips]

🙌

[@good1125]

I can fall in love with different men I date. The one who is in alignment with my purpose and have a similar vision of the future is who I am after… :)

[@mxbadboy263]

Well said

[@soul-etude]

But Lewis, thank you so much for this interview, it's an interesting perspective and you are a genius of a journalist, I have so much respect for you! And wish you so much luck and love!

[@soul-etude]

They make me happy means I am happy to share my joys with them. Sharing is a part of happiness. Everyone who understands our passions and can be motivated by the same things that we are, there is a high level of reciprocity in expectations. Let's just say it this way: with some people it's easier to do things just because they want and value the same. And with others, who have a different vision of life, different values and different preferences, it"s just impossible to get along. Why complicate the things so much as to go and say there is no perfect person for us and you should try hard in any relationship. Seems like Esther perel has never just had a true love story. I mean, I understand, we all get what we get, but why destroy the reality of so many happy couples that just get along so well and make each other happy with much less effort than the others.

[@ivywildwss]

I'm thinking she bases her outlook on study of troubled relationships, as a marriage counselor... she has much much more contact with reconciled or separated couples, but not as much with the long-term older couples.

[@DanHegelund]

Wow. I am astounded by her wisdom.

[@DanDascalescu-dandv]

@4:51 diversify, because "the one and only" for everything means "best friends, romantic partners, lovers, confidants, parents, intellectual equals, business partners, career coaches, I mean - you name it. And I'm like, seriously?". Don't treat people as products. You'd look for the best product.

[@KadirPeker]

Pure wisdom.

[@cakecleveland9438]

Yes ! To everything she just said so refreshing !

[@GreatnessClips]

🙌

[@lumen8039]

Ive felt much about what she explained much of my life. I feel that people who are not American or come from backgrounds who are not American have a similar view of love, relationship and community. It’s challenging to have this view but live in and be steeped in American ideologies of hyper-independence and at the same time feeling entitled to having it all whenever you want. It makes a breeding ground for never reaching deep connections with ourselves and others

[@davidharrison1502]

Wonderful description. Thank you.

[@GreatnessClips]

👍

[@tuulistewart5875]

Thank you! // How do we find this game you show on the table??

[@sharylforster3870]

Great advice!!

[@corynickoleff767]

I get it. I feel my partner loves me unconditionally but desire.....that is hardly expressed by her

[@timothypeterson59]

Wow!!!!!! Did I need this video today.

[@rammul7801]

This’s just as important to be taught in schools like sex education

[@VivianneRoseLee-hz8oo]

Except proper sex education isn't taught in schools in the US... 😤😒🙄🤷🏽‍♀️

[@elchristian3266]

Wholesome interview

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you for being here!

[@iloveyellow7214]

Hi Im still at 8:52 But the belief that the purest example of true love that I never realized that was in front of me growing up is was my parents. Imagine loving a whole different person who you have to raise and be responsible for without ever knowing who it is from the ground up... Is terrifying(well for me) And when that person becomes another capable human? You still love and support it without question. I dont know if that is passion as well(cause passion for me means youre willing to suffer for it. Whatever it is 🤷🏻‍♀) I never knew someone who discusses love in this way would make me evaluate life growing up. Damn ;-> This episode was so enlightening Mr. Howes. Thank you (灬♥ω♥灬)

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you for watching🧡

[@yanis80]

The notion of unconditional love is a myth. That sums it up

[@GreatnessClips]

🧡

[@mxbadboy263]

Love is conditional except for ones children.

[@corettagreene1444]

Why go out of one’s way to make someone desire us? If there is no sign of interest or initial contact, why bother with it? I’m just There are no benefits of desiring someone who doesn’t feel the same. Why not just let them be? Let’s talk about it.❤️✌🏾🙏🏾

[@alexfletcher5192]

It's actually a fascinating contrast between the American concept of 'What about me?' and a wider world idea of 'What about you?'....

[@omardavids8912]

Beautiful!

[@GreatnessClips]

🙌

[@heidimills2226]

There was wisdom. And the wisdom wasn’t just about preventing unwanted pregnancy. We might have more technology, but we are not as wise. We’ve lost knowledge and wisdom about human relationships.

[@mingyaowu7720]

Well ultimately we are just humans we have our strong and weak points.😊

[@chloevanrooyen1596]

VERY INTERESTING 🤗

[@GreatnessClips]

🙌

[@ftsmith351]

Amazing! I wish I was educated earlier

[@bencopeland3560]

Honestly this clip doesn’t really address the issue in the title.

[@pabloromaoignaczuk]

Please, watch again with attention to understand it😊

[@ibelieveinaccuracy.fact-ch5942]

You missed it😩

[@mehdiberkati2554]

01:11 🌍 Culture has shifted to prioritize sexual attraction before emotional connection in relationships. 02:09 💑 The idea of finding "the one and only" soulmate has led to unrealistic expectations in romantic relationships. 05:24 🛡 It's a myth to believe that one person can fulfill all your needs - diversify relationships and don't rely on a partner for everything. 10:18 💔 Unconditional love is a myth - adult relationships involve ambivalence and contradictions. 11:27 😊 Pursue integrity, joy, connection, and growth instead of constantly seeking happiness in a relationship.

[@lars1480]

When The love is gone from Your woman there is nothing You Can do to get The original love back it’s sad and hard to discover you just have to move on let go of her - it Will hurt but you Will be fine again !

[@annemariecote6972]

👌🏿🙌🏽❤️thank you for this lovely interviews!!

[@GreatnessClips]

You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡

[@anamesa3824]

Superb ❤

[@GreatnessClips]

Appreciate you for watching!

[@gt-gu7rb]

I always have believed what she is saying maybe not consciously but people who go thru life looking for that "one and only" are delusional. Furthermore people, both men and women never put the same criteria on themselves they expect of others in a lot of cases. As far as people changing. Yea they change , they get worse

[@haggai3.477]

Thoughts are Spiritual Conversations. WORDS are the Window Through Which Thoughts become actions. Actions are Manifested Motives. Thoughts trigger Emotions. Emotions are the Language of the SOUL. Emotions emit a frequency called Feelings. Feelings are the Language of Frequency. Emotions regulate Mood. Mood mitigates what a person is motivated to do. Mood is the messenger of the SOUL. Imagination is the conjuring of WORDS as pictures. Desire is the process of bringing one's imagination to it's boiling point. Passion is the Pinnacle of one's desire. Obsession is the object of one's passion. Obsession is the fire that consumed one's Time. Ultimately, you will only be remembered for your Obsession.

[@zinaboulahia9291]

Powerful message!

[@DanDascalescu-dandv]

What is the message?

[@KylianTeam]

can not wait

[@artifactsantlersoh]

Wow what truth bombs she dropped there.

[@Stukkeman]

Unconditional like is a myth. Unconditional love most definitely exists.

[@anitoroyan272]

I prefer Gabor Mate.

[@John83118]

The wisdom of this content is a catalyst for personal evolution. A similar book I read opened new pathways for exploration. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

[@aidanbryden4691]

Esther mentioned a sociologist at 7:00 but I can't catch the name... Anyone know it?

[@ewelinaswiatoniowska9650]

eva illouz I think

[@observer1242]

If it’s “purely physical“ then average very nice and successful looking people are SOL. The beautiful erotic connection should be the fruits of a deeper and more meaningful connection based on identifying someone who is worth knowing, who you get to know, who you like, and who you wish to initiate a relationship with that grows from something small to something meaningful based on values ultimate leading to intimacy.

[@Tsaniya81]

What the Word for feeling Joy of someone’s else Joy called ? Comporsion?

[@Code3chef]

I have a few questions .

[@davyhendrix]

There is no one and only

[@CatCassandra]

One can watch this for months on end… but if your partner does not know about this guidance and advice and never works on himself it is lost… how do I get him to want to work on himself?

[@angeliquedominique740]

Love your interviews so insightful subscribed

[@GreatnessClips]

Thanks for subscribing!

[@jeremygreenberg1279]

Brilliant! I love this ❤

[@catalinaherrera2870]

Thank you! So helpful

[@noranova9314]

Such a great interview !

[@GreatnessClips]

Thank you so much!

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

❤❤🌷

[@greylatern]

I was following and absorbing, until she said unconditional love doesn't exist. You can absolutely love someone and who they sre, yet not personally be ok or have some incompatibility. If it's not a personal core issue/deal breaker it's just fine👍

[@karyna2824]

Love you Ester Perel!!!

[@GreatnessClips]

🧡

[@Dr.AsmaAli80]

"One person instead of a whole village " 😅

[@maggieelizabethvillaquiran4475]

Unconditional love is a myth... (?)

[@rasco553]

It’s about seeing each other nude and why keep going if you don’t like them nude I think

[@krolewnamartusia1800]

Before our moden way of seeing love and relationship was created, each relationship started with sex and physical desire, it is anthropological proven? Today we are not happy because we start relationship without "chemistry". And meet someone who we really desire is to be extremely privilege.

[@Nancy-vt3xm]

Very good.

[@GreatnessClips]

🧡

[@ImranKhan-tj3dr]

I m single 👧👧💗💗🌹🌹

[@patrickdezeeuw1594]

What did we learn from the Song of Solomon? The epitome of romantic love and obsession. How did that turn out for the wisest man in the world? A 1000 women weren’t enough. He died a fool.