- This is how you stop your partner from cheating | Esther Perel | SVT/NRK/Skavlan

[@Cr8ive453]

You cannot stop anyone from cheating and it's not your responsibility to do so - it's theirs.

[@joda1432]

E N yes boundaries and morals

[@cheery-hex]

Agree. advice like this is crap.

[@computerbiscuit]

I've been cheated on several times by different people. It gets easier to recover after lots of practice. Get your heart broken and you finally realize that you should love yourself.

[@beberivera7011]

@@computerbiscuit #preach

[@karaa7595]

Yeah but you can certainly help set your partner up to fall into temptation.

[@goodfortune5480]

I'm in a relationship with the gym, we always seem to workout

[@denisa239]

Good Fortune 😂

[@dewiariani5542]

hahahahaaa

[@sleazybtd]

Until you realize how many other men have gotten all sweaty and tired while inside of that gym.

[@sharonjarvis-young710]

... Lol not anymore... now you have to deal with the relationship at home

[@madeinjapan3333]

Good Fortune 😂😂😂😅

[@MERKAMGCLK]

Everyone is tempted. Character is how you respond to that temptation. It is a moral choice based in honor.

[@lesliemontagne6797]

Well said. And I agree. I am afraid, however that some couples are unaware they've married a person with an "abusive mentality". Most abusers' best chance in therapy is to work on changing their attitudes toward others and the world. Morals and character aren't relevant to them. Cheaters are abusers.

[@arabakoleman1132]

Exactly . There's always a choice.

[@samsonbb1114]

I know of a man who can help you manifest whatever and whoever you wanna manifest within two day

[@samsonbb1114]

He was the one who helped me restore back ex 3 days ago without delay

[@samsonbb1114]

message him on WhatsApp

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

Mine cheated for 38 years from day one. I'm free now, so happy I cry.

[@Veronica-yd5dz]

How are you doing now?

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

@@Veronica-yd5dz I have never known peace like this. It's fascinating. At first I was super lonely, I still get lonely but I try to set myself up and fill my calendar for when I'm not at work, I have few friends...but its enough and its still way better than what I had going....and things are getter better all the time, my health is improving...eating less sugar, exercising, getting fresh air and sunshine, gardening, bought an E-bike, I go on meetup hikes and have lots of friends there too.Shop when I want, eat when I want, thanks for asking!!

[@Veronica-yd5dz]

@@mmommo-hx4dx glad you’re doing good! You sound like a new woman :) there’s something so liberating about being your own person, on your own terms. Just don’t make the same mistake of getting with a deceitful man. Listen to your intuition. Good luck!! :)

[@DD-jm5ug]

👌❤😙💪👍 I'm well happy for you 😆

[@tinkerbell716]

I'm so happy for you ♥ you deserve the best!

[@h.r.brooks876]

“Cheating is not because you want to find someone different. It’s because you want to BE someone different.” 😵

[@SteakCutFries]

this woman makes some incredible insights about our own natures, @6:22 she starts one of the best clips. It's just mind blowing to hear someone present so precisely and eloquently and without tones of Shame or judgement

[@DesertMoon]

Her most underrated and most powerful comment.

[@annieelie3657]

@@SteakCutFries Amen. Also, this quote is so poignant and true.

[@11nica5]

Yeah, that was mind blowing 😳

[@chall242]

Mic dropped

[@sandraflores2914]

It does not matter how special you make your partner feel..if your partner is not happy with him or herself they will never be happy with just one person..This is why they just keep looking for what they feel they are missing..

[@rp8812]

I couldn't agree more

[@cubajohnson6645]

It's very true. I can relate that's why instead of trying for another relationship, I'm now working on what's missing in myself. It sucks but what needs to be done.

[@sonnydayz2118]

S F , very true. Spot on.

[@missybella9046]

Agree S.F. tired of the cheated be blamed for the cheater. I did Everything for my past partner...helped him even get a job,car on...and on. Still cheated on me and my son that called him "dad." Always complimented him...think it went 2 his head. Fuck relationships

[@nelsonjg27]

Okay, but how do YOU know YOU are making your partner fell special in the way they need it?

[@geraldflorence1220]

When I was a child about 6 or 7, my mom and dad divorced because he was having cheating behind her back. They had a terrible fight which I barely remember. When I got older about 15 or 16, I understood better what had happened. I made an early promise to myself that I would finish a relationship before I started another one. I understood that when one cheats, it hurts at least 3 people where there are no children and if you add children, you count each child as being hurt. That's also why I want trust in my relationships. It goes both ways. If I cheat, I lost her trust in me. If she cheats, I can't trust her. Anyways, I'm in a good relationship and happily married for 18 years.

[@agathakirk6380]

You are a honorable and respectful human being; your spouse and if you have children, they are proud of you. Even if they may not say it; They are thinking it. God be with you and your family.

[@AmBockshorn]

You're right about actively ending a relationship before starting another one and by that become a cheater. But actually the relationship has ended when you thought another person will give you what you don't get or don't want from your current relationship and were not able to talk earlier to your current partner about your needs. Crushing on someone else can happen, talk to your partner about it and it may go away. Cheating to me is the result of dishonesty or lack of bravery to talk about what you feel. If people's visions of a relationship just don't match (anymore), that's fine, then just end it.

[@Fleur502]

..

[@rayc9899]

When somebody is a cheater, you could be JLO and guess what will still cheat. They have no confident in themself and love the chase after chase to feel better about themself. It have nothing to do with you but all about them.

[@soniafraga4893]

Bless you guys

[@iammarcodorian]

The way to become “another self” is not through cheating/flirting with others, but through self-development and self-awareness.

[@ineedhoez]

She never said that was the WAY.

[@brendabernier5096]

Truth

[@sharonjarvis-young710]

Exactly, So do it... leave the person you've become... use this awareness to change who you are as a person instead of using that as an excuse to cheat or not communicate with the one you love...

[@That_Handle]

Yep... I would add that developing understanding about the tendencies of others' attachment styles is of great benefit beyond understanding your own. Following that, learn whether they have proclivities towards narcissistic actions/words when still operating from their attachment styles & measuring whether they can lay down those fear-based interactions and mindsets without them feeling compromised of not having those narcissistic tools they were taught in their childhood or young adult years they grew to erroneously believe would keep them safe, satiated of shallow needs being met to delude themselves while the deeper, more feared need goes unmet. Sounds like continual cycling through attachment style repairs or traumas/enmeshments/codependency ... Hm. Watch 🔥 "Fearful Avoidants: 3 Things That Make You Feel Attraction & How to Overcome Limerence" 🔥 kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHnJo6egq6qJe7c and... Watch "6 Key Things the Secure Person Does while Dating - What You Can Learn/Adopt! (Part 2 of 2)" kzbin.info/www/bejne/fondi6WXnsiXZ9E and plenty more there I've found to put context to my healing from her infidelity, barriers to vulnerability and communication. .... Understanding my ex's inner child has helped me heal so much in ways that take me back to an innocence - being a child when I would see them to forgive them and love them. That awareness has helped me reflect in my own idealizations of her. An interesting turn of events/mindset for me I have to say because I didn't see this kind of transcendence coming... Yet, in spirit, that would have been my goal if we would have stayed together, regardless - to talk about these openly in a safe-space conversation and grown... So here I am being present - congruent with whom I knew myself to be - and I feel a calm peace in knowing I have grown as much and more even though it's not within the vision I had for us to grow alongside each other together. It's enough to feel good about at least realizing my growth and not becoming truncated from our break-up. Best wishes y'all. 👍✌🤟🖖👋

[@d.benders2413]

Marco Dorian: Bravo, well said!

[@cheery-hex]

you know how to stop your partner from cheating? choose someone who values loyalty as much as you.

[@roberthermann97]

I think a significant problem with that is, that they still have to value it as highly 5, 10, 25 years later.

[@hgzmatt]

It's very easy to make a commitment.. not so easy to keep it when circumstances change completely. I guess my ex was only honest when she broke up a week after saying she's committed. Or maybe she felt it wasn't valid anymore because it's all my fault anyways.

[@varshag6014]

Which seems impossible

[@anthonyperkins5856]

dont get married. thats how you really stop it.

[@nocturnaljoe9543]

@@anthonyperkins5856 It doesn't stop the cheating, but it free's you from bad consequences. Don't marry.

[@davecope09]

She's right on point with the part about the lie. . . As soon as the lies start, about the time/relationship you're spending/ having with someone who is not your partner. . . YOU'RE CHEATING!

[@That_Handle]

Sounds like continual cycling through attachment style repairs or traumas/enmeshments/codependency ... Hm. Watch "Fearful Avoidants: 3 Things That Make You Feel Attraction & How to Overcome Limerence" kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHnJo6egq6qJe7c and... Watch "6 Key Things the Secure Person Does while Dating - What You Can Learn/Adopt! (Part 2 of 2)" kzbin.info/www/bejne/fondi6WXnsiXZ9E and plenty more there I've found to put context to my healing from her infidelity, barriers to vulnerability and communication. .... Understanding the child that was inside her and is likely still has helped me heal so much in ways that take me back to an innocence in being a child when I was young to find ways to love even those who were chastised and hated. An interesting turn of events/mindset for me I have to say because I didn't see this kind of transcendence coming... Yet, in spirit, that would have been my goal if we would have stayed together, regardless.... So here I am being present - congruent with whom I knew myself to be - and I feel a calm peace in knowing I have grown as much and more even though it's not within the vision I had for us to grow alongside each other together. It's enough to feel good about at least realizing my growth and not becoming truncated from our break-up. Best wishes y'all. 👍✌🤟🖖👋

[@liveforchrist1474]

I layed my hand on my spouse's shoulder and said to him, "Be born again in the name of Jesus." And he has been believing in God ever since. He is more respectful now, he isn't always out trying to cheat on me anymore. Also, I heard of people being delivered from smoking and drug addiction through water baptism. It changed them forever more. They haven't touched drugs, smoking or alcohol for 20 or more years. I know people who were on the verge of suicide , overwhelmed with guilt, depression, anxiety, and hurt, all they could do was cry out to God, "God please save me!" And God heard there simple prayer and at that moment He turned them into true believers in God and Christ. They walked away from that prayer full of hope and joy of the Lord and not lost in sin any more. So please find a christian church and ask them for a water baptism service and bring your spouse and loved ones in need of deliverance. Pray to God every day never give up, He listens I know. Respect and honor God cuz He wants to give you good things. Tell your loved ones to just pray to God , "God please save me." He will save them from despair.

[@secretdad544]

That is when I know in my heart I have crossed a line - when I feel inclined to lie about time / relationship with the other person. That is the precise and exact moment the cheating begins - not only cheating my partner but cheating myself. That is also the precise time to stop, pull my head in and focus on the person I am committed to

[@TheNoirAlien]

Because the nature of relationships between men and women is to procreate, men and women should know this and learn to respect boundaries, both for themselves and others.

[@anndavis2920]

so the innocent person doesnt really and truly have a monogamous relationship. i dont think. Its just a partnership. For the kids, for economical reasons or whatever. Its not a "relationship" in the true sense of the word n i would not call it that.

[@jbailey1898]

How does a married person with children get past those commitments enough to cheat? I've never understood this. Even when I was really struggling in my relationship with my husband, I couldn't cheat on my children! It wasn't fair for them to be dragged into a terrible storm I would have created if I had cheated. I am so happy that I was faithful to my family. My husband and I got through the rough times and now we're so happy and our relationship is stronger than ever. We stayed faithful to our family and it has made all the difference. I didn't always see it, but now I see that my husband is my perfect match. He is another version of myself because of his loyalty and commitment to our family. The best relationships come after years of working together and loving and supporting each other through hard times.

[@Kiwiwanderer]

As Joni Mitchell said so well “ If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one. What happens when you date is you run all your best moves & tell all your best stories - &, in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over & over” .

[@officialWWM]

Tanya wow, that's brilliant.

[@guillaumehabarugira]

That's perfect!

[@nathanwood1027]

Tanya. Thanks,that is Wonderfully said.

[@zulu2885]

Wtf, that one just saved me a heart brake ❤️ Much gratitude

[@sidecar7714]

Joni abandoned her daughter to pursue her career...hmmm?

[@Burps___]

This guest is extraordinarily well spoken.

[@tanyenomichelle7021]

He is incredibly smart, one of the best character actors I've seen. I forgot all about her (and I love Ester), when I saw him. See Constatine and John Wick.

[@nebamarlene4231]

Cool One used u

[@Meditativeshit]

Cool One she is sooo pedantic

[@coolwater55]

Cool One And always amazing when it is a second language.

[@iss3669]

i like her accent too

[@wadecahill6001]

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock

[@machomanic1768]

Being good is subjective. Usually all are good according to themselves and many have difficulty seeing themselves in the mirror. However, no one sees them better than their partner.

[@Someguyorgirlfulness]

Your statement is a 100% correct. But how long does the diamond stay a diamond? I've had only 2 diamonds in my past, or so I thought! until they turned out to be plastic at the end. They were better than the rest by far. But I'm sorry to say, there just seems to be too much sorting through dog shit to find the 1:10,000,000 piece of diamond/glass/plastic.

[@praphatkasemsant6950]

Right , Sad to see that good not volume as good because the ones whose got it doesn't get it . Together is the keys . Equal rights as women respect the man we do need the respect from them as well. Cheating is absolutely not right.

[@KT-kd4zt]

@macabre Ducet Until you get an STD especially one that you can never get rid of.

[@jessiefrye3045]

Isnt that the truth? They throw away a gem, in search of a gem. Like they cannot see what they have. That's called not valuing another person Only those with bad character, no morals and no values cheats. Get out of the relationship FIRST. Then go do as you wish.

[@Diza519]

There is nothing you can do to prevent someone from cheating. It’s about who they are. Their character, loyalty or commitment to you, period.

[@tranellmoore6591]

Narcissistic people cheat repeatedly and some people have really bad screw ups. I personally have forgiven cheating before and it never happened agian. Of course to each is own and everyone has the right to walk the the hell away. However, before you do think about if you did something so shitty and knew you were super sorry for it but really wanted to prove you’ve learned your lesson but someone wouldn’t give you that chance. That would really suck ! We are human and no cheating is dead ass wrong - so is a lot of things ppl do but it still happens. You mess up once ok but twice you are OUT!! ✌🏽

[@kriztoppa]

Give up the coochie

[@briandillow6767]

Exactly this is it how important is loyalty & faithfulness to that person it has to be that the spouse would rather die then cheat has to not make sense I’d rather end the relationship than cheat I hate cheaters

[@dietrickvann.2748]

It’s also your role in it. A frigid cold person pushes the other person in to the arms of someone else.

[@anitacampi1966]

@@dietrickvann.2748,Then divorced the person don't deceive her/him ...

[@anewloveofficial9137]

Even if you do your duties as a good partner you can never control your partner for cheating you because cheating is a choice and not an accident.

[@davidsummers8723]

There's nothing you will ever do to keep someone from cheating on you and it may be the smallest thing that triggers it I was married for 20 years and nine cheated on me when I asked her why she said honestly I don't have an answer now maybe she was just lying but I don't know but what I really do to stop it if they want to cheat they're going to cheat same thing with you if you want to cheat you're going to cheat. I would just hope I would have the courage to go to my significant other ahead of time and say look I am probably going to end up doing this so I'm letting you know that you know this is probably over I just don't break your heart.

[@jenniferjennifer1740]

Absolutely

[@robkitchen5344]

@@davidsummers8723 bullshit.... Set up a dungeon... Chain the cheater to the wall.... Feed once a day... Problem soled

[@furosh118]

True - I don't buy that "it just happens" - it's a choice (and for serial philanderers, it's a lifestyle). I think Bill Clinton said it honestly (ironic, I know) - " I did it because I could" . It's about sense of entitlement.

[@ladylightvybe4138]

@@davidsummers8723 indeed. I am sorry, these types have no conscience & often enjoy hurting others. A former partner of 4 years was a serial cheat unbeknowns to me when I met him & fell for his charm. Very quickly I found he was an angry, violent control freak who micro managed me, kept tabs on my every movement & the catalyst to my leaving was being held against my will when he took my keys & locked me in a room, only to spit, kick, slap & verbally abuse me when I said it was over. Scared the hell out of me when he kept sending messages that he was going to harm my children so I had to get a restraining order. He's long gone now. Most despicable man I've ever met. Now I have peace.

[@gazellep]

"I rather come from a broken home, than to live in one!"

[@mijuajua4820]

Well said Gazelle!

Said by no one who has ever come from a broken home.

[@Musika1220]

5:45 that was big : "... you want to leave the person you have become", "... there is no greater other than a different version of yourself"

[@thefringesalon4871]

AIWATE That was Mind Blowing

[@quarteracreadventures855]

This

[@lalineaa]

The most profound insight I gained from EP.

[@artsyhyd]

Some just want a new self, a new routines. And some comfortable with the same routines. I guess that makes ppl cheat and loyal.

[@stevemines6870]

BULLSHIT

[@momoerdengi]

That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *brian hacks online*

[@MaryJane-qx7pk]

I really appreciate *brian hacks online* I could not believe I could have the access into my partner phone successfully.

[@jobseekerm8675]

Don't go through your partner's phone. Not only is it a huge violation of your partner's autonomy but it's also just plain pathetic. Besides what will it get you? You'll either ruin your relationship by finding out they're cheating or ruin your relationship because they weren't but you still didn't trust them and went behind their back. If you feel the need to do this *brian hacks online* all this I saw it's just heart wrecking.

[@myzgod]

im the one who anticipates. no courage to leave. just wondering.

[@Silvermoonscorpion]

​@@jobseekerm8675I disagree. Hubby and I have full. Open access should we feel we need to. And IF one of us finds something questionable, I at least don't feel like I did something bad. He did. Or me if the tables are turned. I don't find it pathetic or whatever.. It's sad sure but we deserve the truth and sometimes that's the only way we can get it. My ex was definitely lying and cheating but I had no proof. I did look through their emails bc social media didn't exist then. Sure enough I found the proof. After that, they could no longer treat me like I was crazy and paranoid. Watching them attempt to explain it all away was hilarious. I also felt much stronger when it came to leaving them. The need to snoop sucks but sometimes it's warrented.

[@susannepinheirobartolo4427]

The grass is greener where you water it

[@kyleefaren3075]

Underrated comment here

[@reason5591]

BAMMM!!! Perfect answer!!!

[@nelsonjg27]

Most poignant comment.

[@rr1621]

The grass is greener to the cheater. They are the ones out on the "greener grass ". Maybe they should just leave the grass they do not feel is green anymore instead of killing it.

[@futgaming]

thats what she said last night

[@kinesis4868]

Wow this lady knows her stuff she’s brilliant

[@levithorstone2876]

@@Willy_Tepes well it takes two to cheat so is they both go that's two less in the world. but the Islam thing isn't it all about force and threats so that doesn't change how woman truly are because it seems there nature is to cheat so the force that's put on them doesn't work just like boose and drugs choosing not to do it because that's who you are as apposed to just not doing it because it's legal says volumes about the individual, rather then a mindless slave to authority

[@levithorstone2876]

@Rick Ramirez love is really a delusion

[@markrobson5614]

Nonsense it’s about individual weaknesses!

[@Natielk]

LouLou Thomson kzbin.info/www/bejne/fqnTfmOid8Sfgqc

[@That_Handle]

Sounds like continual cycling through attachment style repairs or traumas/enmeshments/codependency ... Hm. Watch "Fearful Avoidants: 3 Things That Make You Feel Attraction & How to Overcome Limerence" kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHnJo6egq6qJe7c and... Watch "6 Key Things the Secure Person Does while Dating - What You Can Learn/Adopt! (Part 2 of 2)" kzbin.info/www/bejne/fondi6WXnsiXZ9E and plenty more there I've found to put context to my healing from her infidelity, barriers to vulnerability and communication. .... Understanding the child that was inside her and is likely still has helped me heal so much in ways that take me back to an innocence in being a child when I was young to find ways to love even those who were chastised and hated. An interesting turn of events/mindset for me I have to say because I didn't see this kind of transcendence coming... Yet, in spirit, that would have been my goal if we would have stayed together, regardless.... So here I am being present - congruent with whom I knew myself to be - and I feel a calm peace in knowing I have grown as much and more even though it's not within the vision I had for us to grow alongside each other together. It's enough to feel good about at least realizing my growth and not becoming truncated from our break-up. Best wishes y'all. 👍✌🤟🖖👋

[@DeadIron87]

This woman is incredibly smart. Great interview.

[@joda1432]

Jared Peterson years of knowledge

[@Willy_Tepes]

Really smart, she made fucking sound totally equivalent with kissing. This woman is a gift to any cheater that needs an excuse.

[@Emma-hw6se]

Thats not smart, many therapists say the same thing

[@missvegan1967]

Jared Peterson Wise & intuitive

[@kmills2k560]

I agree! She was clear in her message.

[@interhistoria5632]

You know how to stop a partner from cheating? Don't have a partner. Works 100% of the time.

[@JD-qf8ul]

Sad life tho

[@MarioLopez-hb6li]

@@JD-qf8ul sad when all you want is a partner, but there is more to life than just a partner.

[@henrysilva2011]

Doesn't mean the same thing in Chinese with those words BULLSHT

[@majesticchurro2294]

Wow you are the wisest person that ever walked this earth.

[@DD-jm5ug]

Not sad if it's how you enjoy your life. 👌

[@lyczious]

How powerful is it to see the attentiveness of these men; the respect, openness (via body language) and the respect to not interrupt or minimize Esther at any given point-nor has she minimized either gender in her examples. What an amazing segment. My mind is blown by the powerful information and discussion ! 👏🏿👏🏿

[@Stevengomez-j6q]

This should be normal YOG

[@83H07D]

It’s quite normal to be honest. I think social media and the extremist feminist movement made it appear otherwise.

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

She is a great communicator. Healthy.

[@woodspirit98]

Oh it's 100% normal for men to listen and be attentive when a woman speaks. Why do you think men spend a lifetime asking women what they want yet never get an answer. This woman isn't avoiding questions. She's not making men guess what she is thinking.

[@GillAgainsIsland12]

Remember, they know they being recorded and millions of people will see it. Let's see how they really act in private.

[@Whiskeyshotglass]

If you are not happy just leave the relationship. There is no justification for cheating. If you are in a relationship you accept the boundaries. If you can’t respect boundaries then don’t enter into a relationship.

[@anndavis2920]

right. but then people always do. Especially when they are blinded by illusions and fantasies that they want a person for sex only, and they too young, dumb and immature to change their childish, narcisstic n toxic ways. I aint no dummy and i have boundaries w/these guys. I let them know what i wont tolerate and what will happen if they overstep them. I want loyalty and thats what i will get/have or else he can keep on stepping and dont look back b/c Im not going to.

[@danielbianchi3479]

i aggre with you, leaven instead of cheating! it’s just not fair to the 1 i used to Love!

[@TheMoonlitArcade]

We cannot predict our future actions in a relationship. When our romantic journey begins were are overwhelm with powerful hormones that have a shelf life. Even if you leave the relationship when you face temptation you still hurt the other person. I ponder on what we can do to avoid thise issues before they arise often.

[@TheMoonlitArcade]

It's a bit depressing knowing that we are traumatizing each other.

[@Whiskeyshotglass]

@@TheMoonlitArcade if you know you are facing temptation, walk away. The smart thing to do is never allow yourself to be in a tempting situation to begin with. Don’t play with fire. In the end it never is worth it. Loyalty is a scarce commodity these days. If you have it hold on tight to it.

[@mayaandreaygrillomassar790]

"Secrets. Violation of an agreement." "It isnt that you want to leave your person, it is that you want to leave the person that you have become." She is brilliant.

[@briharrison9334]

Once you cross that boundary and seek emotional connection and validation from another person it’s a choice that will forever change a partnership. You can’t love and respect your marriage if you’re enjoying the attention and validation from the opposite sex.

[@Turnpost2552]

Advocating for Homosexuality?

[@deborahrouse5644]

@@Turnpost2552 Ignoramus

[@disnalee]

Yes your correct.

[@Jaimelaffoon]

Monogamy is a choice you make. Even if you are tempted to cheat, If you value and TRUELY love that person you will behave unselfishly and leave the temptation behind.

[@nooneknowsmytroubleswithgo3406]

Jaime Laffoon i wholeheartedly agree!

[@alliswell7968]

WORD ❤ ABSOLUTELY GOLD❤

[@CFneo98]

I truely don't believe in marriage, I will explain why. In life we desire the things we aren't allowed to have. For example in my life I've server 14 months in the army, it wasn't by choice because it was mandatory and I was getting 1 day a week outside. No watches no nothing, just the plain choice, sleep to make for the lack of sleep? or go out and have fun? I always chose to have fun. See when you marry someone you get the impression of being trapped in a cell and that's what ruins a relationship(amongst other things ofcourse).

[@kiarahimmelstein4412]

Jaime Laffoon agreed.

[@andreamcgehee5072]

Jaime Laffoon make sense...... but i guess a lot of men dnt love because all men cheat

[@charityg235]

So many Truths spoken. Infidelity hurts, it's not just about being "wrong", and it effects more than the 2 people in the relationship. Affairs are about feeling "the erotic energy of aliveness" and has nothing to do with the health of the relationship. "It isn't just because you want to leave the person you are with, it is because you want to leave the person you have yourself become. And it isn't just that you want to meet somebody else but you want to meet another self. There is no greater Other than a different version of yourself." She pulled no punches and was honest and raw, and funny. Thank you so much!

[@rajeshmishra6852]

Charity how well she just explained characterlessness in positive way..

[@charityg235]

rajesh mishra I did not say it was positive or negative. I did not pass judgment on what she spoke and I don't think SHE said or spun infidelity any positive light. She spoke on it about it being hurtful, morally devastating, on a SYSTEMIC BROAD LEVEL. YOU SHOULD LISTEN BETTER.

[@rajeshmishra6852]

This thing also fits better for any criminal who do any criminal activity, because he dont want to be any good for anyone because person doesnt like situation. It doesnt mean if person changes personal self and you define it well and suddenly it become different thing. It is still the same thing and should have been not done. If you explain it more there is only room for your explanation is in direction of justifying it towards less wrong.

[@charityg235]

I hope you relisten until you see that she is an expert and this IS so helpful, BECAUSE there is ABSOLUTELY NO JUSTIFICATION!!!! And she does not pass judgement! You hear judgement, sir. That is called projection, in psychological terminology. And, I hope that in learning this you can grow. When something like this "speaks" to us in this way, in which we "hear" things that are not, in actuality, spoken, there, it is our projection of our hurt or anger, or resentment into the translation of that conversation or message (or event). We do this , as human beings, very often, subconsciously, it is very hard not to do. In this video, she explains the ways things happen, the hurt, and the actors and the behaviours and the feelings of guilt, shame, and all of the destruction that occurs; she speaks the hard truths of the desires within us that we do not like to admit. She also speaks at the societal level to say that we, as a society, are deeply enabling, wrong thinking. So, my friend in humanity, I hope you look at why you feel so alarmed by this woman speaking so frankly and honestly, to educate. Her words specifically: "never minimize this." While also, in opening this discourse marriages and relationships may have the opportunity to change. She fosters growth, reflection, love, and really honest relationships that can nurture and be life-giving to those relationships they touch. She only says that she, personally, does not ascribe to one love-of-your-life type of expectation in trying to have relationships. And, she distinguished that in the modern world and different cultures there are very different ways of viewing and taking that; however, it seemed to be saying that regardless of what you "hope" one-love-for-life or not, or many, in the end there is hurt when it does not work out; and the only option is to be as true with your feelings as possible. To be monogamous with who you are with, respecting the relationship as agreed upon between you and your partner privately and individually; because, that is not for YOU to decide for someone else. Good luck to you. Please, open your mind.

[@scottherf]

Charity eroticism as Esther explains is life and aliveness. Dolphins and humans are unique in having sex for pleasure but only humans experiences eroticism which is primarily mental.

[@isaidromerogavino8902]

This is the beauty of a brilliant, logic and well-structured mind. She could be an expert in any other field and be so impressive

[@lilypowell1123]

You don't know too many French People !! I know the French...They ALWAYS TALK LIKE THAT !! OF COURSE THEY KNOW IT ALL !!

[@8acenelson]

"There is no greater other than a different version of yourself." Wow. How true. She has wisdom.

[@leofeza9325]

What is Abruzzi doing there? She's incredibly brilliant. These dudes minds are blown away.

[@mandi4995]

Leo R nshung lol I asked myself the same question. Prison break squad. Very brilliant indeed.

[@TehnQ]

Leo R nshung fg

[@alwaysadilene]

Leo R nshung this exactly what I came to comment about. She is far too intellectual for them, can’t even keep up. The questions the interviewer had were kinda awful especially how they never were smooth out his mouth.

[@Bootstrahps]

Leo R nshung if you watch all the way to the end T-Bag shows up and gives his take on prison relationships. 😉

[@sheimage3791]

Leo R nshung exactly what I said

[@sleepinglionarchives]

The only way to stop your partner from cheating is for them to choose not to do it. Pick a new mate

[@geoffreyokrongly916]

If a cheater would just find a mate with tons of make up and wigs, they would never cheat. Just have a “fantasy night” and make it fun.

[@raymondflores5176]

@@geoffreyokrongly916 that sounds awful

[@11Garrett11]

Or don’t choose monogamy.

[@TroyMountain]

@@11Garrett11 Well that is the trend in all this: "Why bother 'partnering' if s/he is eventually going to cheat anyway?" Effecting the destruction of family feminists attain to-- in favor of godless state-supported sport fuckery.

[@mpoppins1528]

@@geoffreyokrongly916 Not true. I did that and he them wanted a threesome. He went to a prostitute who also refused to do that. I divorced him. It should be an equal relationship with 2 people. He never wore wigs for me.

[@urestauro6367]

I think you can be doing everything right in the relationship and yet they are still going to do it.

[@ChoppingtonOtter]

Only if they are a particular type of person. As you heard, most betrayals are after many, many years of honesty. But yes, there are people who are just born cheaters and do it all the time. I think most of us have known someone like that. But it seems that most people don't intend to be like that and something goes wrong later.

[@iss3669]

yes they feel empty inside nothing to do with partner

[@eleonoranostradamus2869]

Yes true

[@Blessing_tv]

Yeah.

[@sagec274]

U Restauro that means that the person might have a personality disorder, traumas etc

[@kelliemanning1063]

I have watched and listened to many interviews of this Dr. She is a very interesting and intelligent women. She really explains things well and talks about both sides of an affair and cheating.

[@daytoday6132]

Except an “affair” only happens to the cheater and the accomplice involved. It’s an “assault” to the one being cheated on.

[@thomasjones9920]

There is no lasting happiness in being dependent on another person to make you happy.

[@ayolekacindy4436]

True that

[@armyofTristan]

That is why at 45 I am still single. 😄

[@fanity6]

“There is no greater other than a different version of yourself”

[@yuanyingmona804]

I'm truly impressed that she mentioned the Chinese word of Crisis. She is incredibly intelligent and I really found comfort listening to her opinions.

[@ibrahimhamada5751]

Ithe chinese are made crisis management 🌹❤️👍🇪🇬

[@samuelobas120]

Wow you look enchanting I will love to get to know you please contact me on here if interested {samuel.obas02/@?{/y/a/h/o/o/./c/o/m/}

[@marlon3259]

Only half way through this and this woman is already the smartest person I have ever heard of when speaking about relationship. Wow!

[@polorie]

Infidelity is doing anything you wouldn't do with your partner beside you.

[@crystalmadchic7461]

Totally agree neo polorie

[@IAmTheEggMan111]

Very profound

[@agee7777]

but we only have one toilet!

[@sourcescience]

I wouldn’t take a shit with her beside me. Is that infidelity?

[@bluesunstar5088]

@@agee7777 that's why you *take turns,* fool! shut the door, do your business, *flush,* open a windows & spray some pure essential oil water in the air if need be.. then open the door and say, *NEXT!!* 😁😁😁😁

[@eileenhoulihan4294]

Yes Yes Yes. Secrecy is the issue and is what harms the relationship and destroys the trust.

[@shawnp6291]

RTHA300 I appreciate your hustle

[@rose9936]

Eileen Houlihan Agree👍🏻

[@cottagegymfun]

Pickel Sandwich why bet? Ask her. She's a grown woman why would you subjugate her to being a virgin. Her attitude is one of a researcher and therapist. I get it that you don't like her which is fine.

[@jesmec9753]

Pickel Sandwich well I guess u haven't met the right woman then. my ex couldn't take the truth he was a lying backstabbing cheater weak and definitely lacked maturity. Liars suck be it male/female. Period. Cheaters are the scum of the earth.

[@jesmec9753]

Pickel Sandwich your welcome. Your right nobody 's perfect. My ex male walked out after 38 yrs. Of marriage and chose not to work on his cheating, lying ways and told me he didn't have to justify his actions. He continually slept w/multiple women and one of them stalked me. He walked out like a coward, his new play toy girl can have his immature ass. I didn't want to end up getting the gift that keeps on giving from what I call CD (community D*@k). Now his new toy can deal with it.

[@LandE520]

So true! If there is no remorse and they belittle it and tell you it didn’t happen even though you have proof, it’s time to move on. Been there done that

[@Alignmented1]

I could listen to Esther for hours, learning sooo much!. Thank you

[@gunnarkrug469]

you are leaving the person that you have become - that is pretty powerful...

[@joebarrey3637]

I would only think that someone would do this is to feel dangerous or daring. Human instinct perhaps is to crave that spark of the unknown to challenge our capabality and sense of vigor or fire that burns within us.

[@gloglos100]

Joe Barrey no, it’s experiencing oneself deeply or differently. That matters, a different part of self, And it could be very rare to find. A stray screw does not do that. A stray screw will be surface. Circumcision reduces ability to bond.

[@jalex5808]

I love her. She's so we'll spoken and articulate. Lots of good points. P.s. I'm not watching this as a cheater. I'm the one who was cheated ON and I'm about to realize this is very true

[@emmanuelokokon1307]

"we used to marry till death do us part, today we marry till love dies." powerful and touching! I want to stick with the former!

[@marcusjames2979]

Hello are you planning to get back your ex back , in a easy better way i can recommend you to a powerful spiritual man who help me get back my ex whatzpp him for help (+234,907,122,8097)

[@mickcameron821]

@Dimepiece is he not allowed to be? who are you to tell people how to feel?

[@LSSYLondon]

Why is it better to marry till death?

[@jmgmetal]

Lissy London cause that’s actually part of the marriage contract. Here’s how I see it: there’s some 8 billion people on the planet and I chose my significant other and she chose me. It’s something very special. In a world of so much variety imagine being chosen and loved so faithfully..it’s sacred.

[@oluwasplash33]

I can direct you to a prophet who help me in a case like this I know he can help you too

[@Skyl3r07]

I love and respect this lady... I could listen to her all day 💯💕she knows what she is talking about

[@o0Avalon0o]

12:12 This is a "great" way to break up with someone & shows a lot of empathy. After being cheated on, I've learned just how much I appreciate that break up talk instead of a cheating talk.

[@MegaLadylove2012]

The last statement: wow! Because we tend to behave this way. Imagine how polite, how sweet or proper we are in public to total stranger yet terrible towards the ppl we claim to love. We really gotta stop it. Be charming, be more loving, more considerate towards the ppl closest to us. Pow!

[@colastyles]

Serena Quaye Yes! "If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers." - Maya Angelou

[@shaksshakora6621]

Serena Quaye this true

[@shannonlilia]

Serena Quaye amazing and so true. I love this.

[@arielreads]

that is so simple yet so true! this is the best comment on this video

[@alepta8476]

That's a BIG reason people cheat; they don't get respected at home. That's why I did it and I'm still trying to get the ungrateful bitch out if my house.. I feel sorry for her. We were married 25 years. I put her through college and then a teaching credential but she didn't take any teaching kind because she decided she didn't like it. I should have moved out to live with my new lover but I didn't want to hurt my wife, who is so hung up on fidelity that shed be destroyed. I wanted to protect get from that, even after she just used me ad a resource. Believe me, there are FAR WORSE CRIMES in a marriage than infidelity

[@JamesMc2051]

Emotional intelligence at genius level.

[@Fendy1]

Yes ... do you think she's INTJ?

[@luckystone2293]

She is not. Clearly doesn't understand the meaning of integrity. Majority INT..s have common core values.

[@TechnoMageB5]

4:42 Dr. Perel gets it. My wife and I (Christian couple) had this conversation 20 years ago. She felt guilty because she found another man (a teacher in her training program for a new job) desirable. That's it - all in her mind, she hadn't even spoken to him about it. For context, I think like an engineer because I am one, and this was no different. I told her: "So? I find other women desirable too, probably much more often than you find other men desirable. Why? Men are visual creatures; young women in this society are constantly making themselves up to be attractive, so the temptation is constantly being introduced. That's not cheating - that's called not being dead. Our minds are, among other things, problem solving tools. In our minds, nothing is off limits, because nothing happens in the real world because of it unless we make a choice to bring it into being. This is something most people don't realize. Is there an INTENTION there, or just examination of a wouldn't-it-be-nice scenario? It's a fine line, but a distinct one." The Bible is written in metaphor. I really started to understand it a lot better and apply it to life better when I realized this. So we come to Matthew 5:30: "But I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a woman, to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." As I see it, this is a warning against allowing what's a simple attraction/daydream/desire to turn into an intention that leads to infidelity. This is why my wife and I agreed, after this conversation, that even flirting is cheating (anything further than a one-off ha-ha type that no one takes seriously, and even then we agree it's best to avoid misunderstandings), because you are _advertising a sexual availability_ deliberately (intended), which crosses the line - you have now expressed those thoughts into the physical Universe. The wisdom of the Bible here is in knowing the seeds of infidelity start with the passing thought, and before you know it: "oh no, I didn't mean to sleep with ___!" Given the Bible has been translated, and in so doing the cultural connotations are lost, we have to make up the difference by practical application in real life. The key is it has to be workable while preserving the spirit of the message being communicated. Anyhow, she felt much better about the whole thing after our discussion. Still married now, 22 years, 28 total together, and we have 2 teenaged boys (who look like Xerox copies of me.) She still gets excited to see me when I come home from work, and I'm glad to see her too. Defining, agreeing to and knowing the boundaries saves a whole lot of unnecessary heartache.

[@myotherusername9224]

Brilliant.

[@sexytrice831]

Best comment I have seen so far, very smart, looking is one thing, but when u go out directly to look and give out your number knowing you are married and carry on a full dialog with this person on the phone days at a time, and not even giving your spouse that attention and time, says alot..

[@2567joy]

Great great words!

[@lydiapetra1211]

That verse is very powerful because it states : Men control your eyes.... control yourself.... control your thoughts....!

[@carriefawcett9990]

Sorry but I hate your comment. You're talking about how you have one-up on your wife because you're constantly lusting after young women, but it's not your fault, it's the way they're dressed? Then you're spouting off bible verses left, right, and centre? Yuck, glad you're not my husband. 🤢🤮 Didn't the bible also tell you you should be poking out your eyeballs if you're lusting after other women? Yeah, you can keep your lust-filled hypocrisy 🙄

[@ransacker6546]

My ex would ogle women in front of me and deny it. It was so obvious that some women flirted back and some seemed offended by him. I am attractive and when I see other men who are with their wife or girlfriend ogle me I turn away. Its disrespectful. His disrespect made me not love him or like him. If a person does that in front of their significant other, imagine what they do when not around them.

[@kiela17]

@RinascitaVita The world needs more women like you. Bless you💟

[@laries9648]

It’s bizarre! Especially getting called jealous or delusional for it. Only later to find out they cheated is why that’s a huge problem aside it from being flat out disrespectful 💚

[@h3llnite]

Exactly

[@leahwillson1340]

Ransacker , I think I'm involved with your ex. He sees no wrong ogling women the whole time I'm out with him. We need a way to mark these guys so we don't fall for them.

[@JJDPROMEDIAPRODUCTION]

So...What's your point?

[@barbieandguns7294]

I laughed really hard when she said “the leftovers that you bring home”. She’s smart 😅😂😂🤣

[@Chitzibau]

Barbieandguns tudor

[@ixxgxx]

She's good. Really good. But, if you watch all her videos and interviews, there are templates she works from and most of her statements are tapeloops.

[@violeta585]

B/c it's her truth, the knowledge she has, she can't be giving different answers to the same question o.O

[@ixxgxx]

Voicu Violeta it’s sure makes it easier that way doesn’t it. A mantra. The tape loops said are sometimes direct quotes out of her book. I would hope that if seen in person for therapy the mantra is different lol.

[@3Deezy]

LMAO best line

[@happyhippeemama3020]

Mort Fertel is spot on about marital commitment. It goes deeper and requires clarity on continued EFFORT to make the spouse PRIORITY NUMBER ONE - BAR NONE. Any person continuing to come up with "reasons" why not to remain in this mental committment should save others the torture of putting up with them. Selfish motives are the foundation of perpetual cheaters. Most people wont do the work to fix themselves, just run to other people thinking outside fixes inside...

[@furosh118]

And also blaming others for their own inadequacies (or inability to communicate properly)

[@jambajoby32]

To anyone here: I recommend the book “How to be an Adult in Relationships” It was helpful navigating a crappy relationship

[@jambajoby32]

@@WiseGoddesss hope it helps!!! 💕

[@sharpcookiellc]

There’s no such thing as a soulmate. We are not born lovers. A relationship requires a set of skills that is developed over time.

[@That_Handle]

Hm. As we are "not born lovers" , we are, nevertheless, highly affected / constrained by attachment styles (later dictating our affections) which we don't come into this world with, either. ....Sounds like continual cycling through attachment style repairs or traumas/enmeshments/codependency ... Hm. Watch "Fearful Avoidants: 3 Things That Make You Feel Attraction & How to Overcome Limerence" kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHnJo6egq6qJe7c and... Watch "6 Key Things the Secure Person Does while Dating - What You Can Learn/Adopt! (Part 2 of 2)" kzbin.info/www/bejne/fondi6WXnsiXZ9E and plenty more there I've found to put context to my healing from her [emotional?] infidelity, barriers to vulnerability and communication. .... Understanding the child that was inside her and is likely still has helped me heal so much in ways that take me back to an innocence in being a child when I was young to sense and find ways to love even those who were chastised and hated. An interesting turn of events/mindset for me I have to say lately because I didn't see this kind of transcendence coming... Yet, in spirit, that would have been my goal if we would have stayed together, regardless.... So here I am being present - congruent with whom I knew myself to be - and I feel a calm peace in knowing I have grown as much (and more yet to come) even though it's not within the vision I had for us to grow alongside each other together. It's enough to feel good about at least realizing my growth and not becoming truncated from our break-up. Best wishes y'all. 👍✌🤟🖖👋

[@celeste8389]

Simulates aren't always lovers....

[@CrystalSicily]

Yes. But you also can find your Soulmate. Find someone who loves everything you do.

[@cosmopolitanbay9508]

Some people are not born with soulmates. That's the difference. Comparisons rendered useless.

[@CrystalSicily]

@@cosmopolitanbay9508 No one is born with a Soulmate...you must go out and find them.

[@PrinceofPeace2000]

I used to cheat but when I was younger. I've grown and married now. Would I cheat again, no. Is she the one for the rest of my life... I don't know but we made a promise. And I will keep working on it even though we are different.

[@starlightjeff28]

Dexter Torillo I agree with you wholeheartedly.

[@ld8956]

Beautiful soul! I admire your integrity. you'll be happier that way because there's no worse emotion to feel than guilt or loss of respect for oneself.

[@asylumnurse88]

My husband cheated in his previous relationships & I asked him would he do it as an adult & he said no way because he didn't care about his exes the same way he cares about me. However devastatingly nearly 11 years later, we are separating because I don't trust him nor will I ever again. Countless indiscretions over the years paired with pain, guilt, anger & betrayal have all come about. In this case I think it's once a cheater always a cheater. I'm so sad that we didn't work out because I will always love him. Cheating is a choice & almost a dirty habit. Sadly my husband has to learn the hard way😥. I don't want to leave him but I'm not happy & have fallen out of love.

[@cindycinn2724]

So what she's different opposite attract finding someone like yourself would be like fuckung yourself too one is real the other is full of shit check the finger prints no your not the same

[@Someguyorgirlfulness]

@@asylumnurse88 can I ask you a serious and personal question just for my own awareness. Not to judge you. Because I don't know you and never will. But can you honestly answer that you never cheated on him early on to middle of the relationship? Honestly?

[@seahorsesees]

some valid points, but you can't "stop" someone from cheating no matter how hard you try or how good you are to them. It will always be a reflection on how they are feeling about themselves and even if you're giving them the world, someone can still cheat bc they're "bored" or "restless" or whatever and you shouldn't blame yourself or ask what you could've done differently.

[@TacticsTechniquesandProcedures]

This argument [in the video]gives the cheater so much power. You cant change people. You can point out the flaws they have either by omission or direct engagement in communication but it wont stop them from cheating. Sad really.

[@ANTHONYTERRELL]

Agreed, she’s makes a lot of sense, and sheds light on many of the factual variables around these situations, but this video shouldn’t have that as a caption, because there is truly NOTHING you can do stop someone who wants to cheat from cheating.

[@coolwater55]

seahorsesees Agree.

[@rr1621]

I agree .

[@Jenpen2014]

seahorsesees so so true

[@cevdetakcan3058]

*Johnsonspy* , you're one of my favorite people on this planet.. (And I don't even know you personally). The way in which you present your work, the content and the access is just awesome. Thank you!! This project is unbelievably amazing and thanks for presenting my the access with so much positivity!! All the best from Germany....!!!!!!

[@EmiTevet]

What eloquence. What a mind. Wow!

[@zaphodbeeblebrox9432]

I am a child of divorce, and I was relieved when my parents divorced.

[@iss3669]

me too. That's because family life must of been unbearable- lot's of fighting.

[@ineedhoez]

I agree with that. I also don't believe that we should stay in unhealthy relationships for the sake of children. I believe that is far more detrimental to the child than divorce. You set the kid up with a model for relationships that isnt real. They grow up in dysfunction and dont even know it.

[@TheMrmoc7]

If you're doing something you wouldn't do in front of your significant other, that's cheating. That took me 2 seconds.

[@petermuller7079]

I don't do 'number two' in front of my wife .... am i cheating twice a day für 23 years now? ( ... or just shitting? ;-) ) This formula sounds appealing and has some value but is more like a cookie fortune.

[@sv9943]

@@petermuller7079 oh my....u dint get the finer point that TheMrmoc7 was trying to make did u? Nobody is stopping u from shitting in front of ur wife...u can definitely do it if u want to. But if u are purposefully hiding and backtracking on things just to make sure ur partner/wife doesnt know... thats cheating.

[@petermuller7079]

+S V Oh, i really think, i got the point. :-D But my point - and i think you just supported it - was: It is i little more complex in reality than a 1-sentence-in-2-seconds recipe. Also i think that some kind of 'privacy' and 'secrecy' has to be maintained even in the best of all relationships. Not all dark thoughts are good to be revealed to each other and 'some things can never be made unseen'.... So i think the 'contract approach' of Esther Perel can be valuable for some people.

[@sv9943]

@@petermuller7079 so ur saying that there are some dark thoughts that ur wife doesnt know, is it? Thats fine too. We all are allowed our personal privacy. The fine point u dint get here is that:- if ur wife doesnt know and someone else like ur friend does.....or best friend or cousin or whoever then my friend..thats cheating . And when there are things that cant be unseen or really dark- its ok to hold them inside of u as long it doesn't eat u up. When it does...its better to share it with ur partner (for those in a relationship) or anyone close to u ( for those who arent)

[@petermuller7079]

+S V I totally agree with you .... but do you see the difference between you/our definition and TheMrmoc7's '...If you're doing something you wouldn't do in front of your significant other, that's cheating...'? And his pejorative statement '....That took me 2 seconds....'? THAT's what i opposed to. Sometimes 'short and easy' is TOO short and easy

[@JosephDiveley]

You can't stop a person who has decided that their honor and integrity no longer matter.

[@CL-fs3kt]

Yup

[@furosh118]

And decided that you no longer matter too.

[@Jy-xq2ew]

Well. If you can’t see the warning signs. Then you are part to blame

[@darinvee4980]

@@Jy-xq2ew Bullshit. The cheater alone is to blame. If they had any honor and integrity they would have ended their "unsatisfying" relationship prior to starting a new one. In this way they eliminate being a cheater.

[@Jy-xq2ew]

@@darinvee4980 im sorry you were cheated on. I have been cheated on.. I think we all. At some point were cheated on.. " sure i expect someone to chime in a say " not me".. Anyway. The idea of a relationship is to get to know eachother. No spend time together.. We get carried away with dates. Events. Holidays. As if that time constitutes "getting to know each other"... Your just hanging out.. Its fun. Its exciting. You just caught up in the moment.. Your not really learning about yourselves... Thats why you missed the signs

[@blocke1875]

I won’t waste my time trying to stop someone from cheating in the first place

[@eleonoranostradamus2869]

B Locke exactly

[@reason5591]

Me either @B Locke! I move on until a man comes into my life that truly loves me, loves himself and loves us

[@Drewzdev]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/epWad5yuq9R-eNk You want to go to war Blake ?!!

[@gerryfish3425]

That lad in the funky shirt was speechless, I think he learned something 😂

[@fox_85]

🤣 😂 🤣 😂 I thought also this about him

[@ajackson5955]

He’s only there to fix the cable.

[@iammaximus614]

That’s a guy from John Wick

[@whencesleepfairy]

Absolutely what I thought too 😂 dumbfounded!

[@oliviasaina6436]

@@iammaximus614 isn't he John Abrutzi from prison break?

[@devonwhitham4502]

My parents waited until I was 22 to divorce, despite infedelity and years of extremely dysfunctional, high drama fighting that often danced around the line of violence. I am 34 now and often think it would have been preferable for my parents to have divorced when I was younger. Perhaps then they would have recoupled and provided my sister and I with a more healthy model for relationships. Hard to say for sure, but I often find I don't trust my memories from childhood. They're a big blur up until college, when I left their home and learned how to live in a lot more peaceful manner.

[@Kittlyn]

My parents divorced when I was very young and I have trauma because of this. It hurts more and more every year even though it was in very past!

[@allywolf9182]

Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder

[@Natielk]

Devon Whitham kzbin.info/www/bejne/fqnTfmOid8Sfgqc

[@That_Handle]

Here's some considerations for the outlooks versus the sources of pain... Sounds like continual cycling through attachment style repairs or traumas/enmeshments/codependency ... Hm. Watch "Fearful Avoidants: 3 Things That Make You Feel Attraction & How to Overcome Limerence" kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHnJo6egq6qJe7c and... Watch "6 Key Things the Secure Person Does while Dating - What You Can Learn/Adopt! (Part 2 of 2)" kzbin.info/www/bejne/fondi6WXnsiXZ9E and plenty more there I've found to put context to my healing from her infidelity, barriers to vulnerability and communication. .... Understanding the child that was inside her and is likely still has helped me heal so much in ways that take me back to an innocence in being a child when I was young to find ways to love even those who were chastised and hated. An interesting turn of events/mindset for me I have to say because I didn't see this kind of transcendence coming... Yet, in spirit, that would have been my goal if we would have stayed together, regardless.... So here I am being present - congruent with whom I knew myself to be - and I feel a calm peace in knowing I have grown as much and more even though it's not within the vision I had for us to grow alongside each other together. It's enough to feel good about at least realizing my growth and not becoming truncated from our break-up. Best wishes y'all. 👍✌🤟🖖👋

[@minervacampbell488]

I would like to hear more about how it was cause you just described my marriage

[@zeminerzayeva9286]

I have very serious doubts about the first time I hired *brian hacks online* to help get electronic evidence. I am experienced in law enforcement, my family is a law enforcement family, and I have access to the Internet just like anybody else does. Conspiracy to cheat is a very serious deal beaker, and there's no way I could see any attorney that actually claims to be on your side saying it's inadmissible, or this is not something actionable.

[@pegsggpg]

I like the part she says, " if you're having an affair, it's either something missing in our relationship, or there's something missing in you". Cheaters definitely have something missing in them, most of the time.

[@beepboop9519]

yep

[@asylumnurse88]

Insecurities! Agree!

[@theliftexpert]

The something missing in them is usually a good orgasm when requested and rejected to often 🤔

[@benjaminsaunders8372]

I think you missed her primary point. She uses that line as a straw person argument and refutes it right after - she says, "this symptom model defies the true stories of people." The whole argument is to realize that its not helpful (or accurate) to assume that your primary partner is actively working against you, but that they, for some reason, are transgressing their *own* boundaries - likely because they want a new version of themselves.

[@venusunrise6352]

Empathy

[@veracollins2439]

This woman is brilliant !! So much depth and wisdom

[@robertyoungquist2746]

And Brilliant lighting tonight...🤯😁🤑

[@lioydwilliams1850]

Vera Collins,hope you are with a good man!

[@samuelobas120]

Wow you look enchanting I will love to get to know you please contact me on here if interested {samuel.obas02/@?{/y/a/h/o/o/./c/o/m/}

[@maidamonteiro5071]

Do any one knows how i can get hold of her? Please help

[@patrickkuipers6878]

A woman like her should be more on mainstream media. As a therapist (I've had a dozens of them...), she enlightens clearly why mgtow even exists.

[@drewblood02]

I showed my love everyday. Told her how beautiful and special she is everyday. She still cheated.

[@furosh118]

Unless she believes it herself, she will continue to seek it out. Cheaters are cowards - hiding behind secrecy and not being able to speak up (if dissatisfied with the primary relationship)

[@NinjaRunningWild]

You did your best. That's a reflection on her. It's about her lacking in herself, not you.

[@sandycheeks1580]

🎉 🫂 Move on by learning to love yourself more. I assume you were married. If not, maybe that’s why she left. If you made kids in the marriage, stay a strong father💪🏽 in their lives.

[@muffyrodriguez]

Infidelity is insecurities/ insecure person! No matter which way you look at it! Scared people

[@benfine2328]

baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks

[@flyisdancing]

Divorcing you doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means that I want my life back. A life without you and the hurt you bring.

[@charlottebruce979]

A lot of times it means you don't love your husband or wife, that's why you are divorcing them.

[@wshamoon7548]

Charlotte Bruce not necessary, sometimes you’re forced to let go of someone who can’t change to the better

[@butterflydoll3123]

Wow, you expressed how I feel so accurately!

[@dquest7761]

Well said my friend!!!

[@kieranidris1103]

Summs my engagement up

[@o0Avalon0o]

9:07 _To move on, they MUST acknowledge how bad they've hurt you._

[@Adrian-yi8fl]

They never do.

[@chrigerosen3752]

Yeah...many of us will be waiting for a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. No thanks.

[@lorettemaufor1088]

My husband turned his cheating on me and made me apologize for cussing hi. Out when I found out. Can u imagine that. Never acknowledged the hurt and pain he cause me.

[@LaughingblueSu]

@@lorettemaufor1088 They all try that.

[@EdwoodCA]

10:25 Such a GREAT analogy! *"Have you shown up?* You work here. You're very invested in this project. You're super attentive to me. You're charming. You're funny. *When you go home, is this the guy that goes home? Or, is it the left-overs that you bring home?"*

[@TheNoirAlien]

This was Key, a very important part.

[@mialite7959]

This is how I stopped my husband from cheating on me.....I divorced him!!!!!

[@FF-fb3vd]

nancy johnson ))))))))

[@phillipharding6610]

nancy johnson oh my God what a typical answer , I bet your husband is so glad too get away from you !

[@spascebox]

Comfortable. No need for self reflection. Esther Perel in another talk: why is it that the focus is so much on cheating and not on multiple divorces? In the US divorce rate is 50% in first mariages and 55% in the second. My advice would be to listen to what this lady has to say about schifting moralities in our modern society. It helped me a lot to understand my and my partner’s roles in my former relationships and my present.

[@forhisglory9256]

Nancy, My Mom always says, Give them a inch they will take a mile. In other words, the more you forgive them the more they cheat. They get the mind set that you love them so much that you actually forgave them for cheating, when they cheat again you will forgive them, because you love them that much. My Mom also says, one time can be looked on as you made a mistake, but the second time, you've made cheating a habit. My opinion is this, if any one wants to stay with a cheating spouse stay, but if you want the respect you deserve, leave them, give them what they really want, everyone but you.

[@dannyp1343]

Cheated on multiple times only solution is divorce they mistook my kindness for weakness n what I found out is that if they do it once they will do it again for the plain n simple fact that you allow it you allow them to disrespect you , once may be people make mistakes but after more than one it’s no accident it’s a choice n you owe to yourself to not let anyone disrespect you , fallow the golden rule they wouldn’t like it if you did it to them so why are you tolerating such disrespect from someone ? So you are ok knowing he or she is cheating on you right now? This is something you wil allow?if children are involved is this the type of thing you are teaching them and it’s ok with you ? You need to love and respect yourself and if letting go of this evil person who KEEPS cheating on you is the only answer than so be it , love yourself respect yourself don’t tolerate hate or disrespect from anybody if they do it once they will do it again. This isn’t love cheating on some one is not love let go and move on as hard as it may be you need to let go because what broke you will never fix you n hurt people hurt people you need time to heal so you can find someone who truly cares about you . God bless and best of luck to anybody who’s ever been torn apart like this .

[@sinchasin3611]

I know there can be one and only. You love them deeply and respect them. I had some situations where I could cheat but I just couldn't. I. Couldn't do it because I know someone is doing very thing for me and waiting me home. And I can't do him back with this.

[@yogini326]

Esther is a treasure. I've learned so much listening to her and reading her work. Check out her podcast if you haven't already.

[@BonoAnimoes1]

This lady is absolutely amazing 😻! I love her very eloquent way, of explaining this polemic subject 🙌

[@jackieheaney6864]

I have been with my partner since I was 15. We have been together for nearly 40 years. We have been through many marriage reforms. If it's broke we fix it, not throw it out.

[@Slywill7352]

So you guys were cheating on each other?

[@Natielk]

Jackie Heaney kzbin.info/www/bejne/fqnTfmOid8Sfgqc

[@lylarosewood9549]

My grandpa cheated on my grandma multiple times and they tried to “fix it” now both of them have cancer and they want a definite divorce because my grandpa continues to be abusive. I think it could have been better to throw it a long time ago so they won’t stop being miserable

[@jackieheaney6864]

@@lylarosewood9549 Omg yes much better for both to be out of it. My hubby is not abusive, we.Have much the same problems as everyone, jobs, family, money kids (4) but we have been lucky enough to work through it all. Unlike a lot of others we know.

[@annieconway8998]

Depends on how broken it is, I suppose. If a bone is too shattered to reconstruct the surgeon amputates. Not a decision taken lightly, but necessary nonetheless to save the rest of the body and the mind

[@garymullins7431]

I stopped the cheating partner by leaving them the first time.The grass is greener over the septic tank. Have fun falling in.

[@ineedhoez]

Men leave. Women stay.

[@davemoody4517]

ineedhoez . . . bullshit ! You shouldn’t drink and comment, it brings out the stupid in you.

[@Jacky06]

Lol. Clever. 🤣

[@mihaeladog7187]

The look on that guy face is priceless... he is thinking of something 😁

[@elainec5333]

Personally, I have never thought that getting married or having children was a good idea. No one is worthy of me forever. This world is not good enough for a child when it’s hardly good enough for me. We ALL change. And that’s ok but no one should be inconvenienced to stay if that change doesn’t work for the relationship anymore. I have enough self reverence to not want anyone who doesn’t communicate well or respect me. I also have enough self reverence to not be codependent and be different for anyone else. It’s quite easy to connect with high value single men and also be comfortable in the peace of solitude. Anyone who disturbs my peace is out. I think it really comes down to self reverence. Your definition of it for you.

[@Wulveric]

The sad thing is, and I truly believe this, there are more cheaters out there than there are loyal people. In today's day and age most people live their lives selfishly. Me, me, me, me. So it's no wonder that when it's time to be in a committed relationship they don't know how to step away from self-satisfaction and the pleasing of themselves first rather than for their partners. It used to be give and take from both sides and you never had to question or feel insecure. There was a balance. Now it's just take and demand for more and if you can't give them more they'll find it somewhere else. Greed, gluttony, lust and envy have taken over and these people are proud of it. Promiscuity is glorified in the media. Look at my glamorous life. Look at my exciting life. The laziness of not giving a shit enough to put in the effort to bond with a partner and earn the respect and kindness that is required for love to grow. No one cares. And then the wrath that inevitably follows from the lost souls and broken-hearted who have been trampled by all of this rampant selfishness and lack of empathy. Now we live in a hellish world where children growing up in broken, fatherless homes with unworthy mothers are quickly becoming the common denominator if not already. Those misguided children then grow up to continue the vicious cycle and it never ends. It just gets worse. The solution is to bring back morality, humanity and accountability. Those three things are key. It may seem impossible when you look around and see such a ruined world but it isn't. It is possible and it starts with YOU. The individual.

[@garyfarmer1964]

well said

[@laries9648]

Best comment 💚

[@feleciaanyaka737]

So True you couldn't said it better.

[@kdmylove]

Fantabulous

[@daraseffect]

Wow....thank you for this!!!

[@yogithashetty2587]

Esther perel is extremely smart, brilliant and intelligent 🙏thank you for bringing this show !

[@mikeengler2203]

When Esther pops up on my KZbin feed it's like the voice of God talking to me I have to drop everything to listen...im 73 a man have had plenty of loves relationships and one marriage...Esther hits on all fallacies and truths about relationships like a 12 cylinder engine I've learned a lot still learning...people listen to her and think and understand what she is saying...she is like handing out cliff notes on how to love and trust

[@Veronica-yd5dz]

I love your comment. You should like a poet.

[@halfcentury1112]

This woman is so accurate I am shocked....

[@revecawithav4150]

I admire this woman so much. Every time that I listen to her, I learn something new.

[@benfine2328]

baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks

[@imjuslooking7270]

So true what she said, if "the other person will not come clean and have remorse for cheating YOU"RE DONE." That's what my ex-gf was like. No accountability, kept getting extremely defensive whenever I brought up shit, lying about where she was/who she was with, going on lots business trips to So. Cal., saying she had to talk to her sponsees late at night, catching her up at 3 am texting someone else, etc, etc.. It never ended how fucked up she was!! so I dumped her last October and still feel to this day that I made the right decision, whether she really was cheating or not.

[@discipleslim9506]

She was definitely cheating.

[@lumkamanzini9524]

Well done

[@50pence59]

Covert narcissist Don’t go back 👍

[@manic_miner]

Thank goodness for people like Esther Perel, smart, emotionally intelligent and, most importantly, not afraid to challenge the norms and expectations of generations of people raised with ideals that just do not fit in our modern emotional world.

[@sabejreid2072]

I don't agree - I say don't Marry until you are older - then you can commit because everything fits. When you are young you want to get experience - and have choice and build your power base, your life so you are free. That's what I think is true.

[@James_36]

@@sabejreid2072 the data makes your claim weak and wrong

[@Lalsaekledikkantiii]

As a Retired combat Marine I want to tell you that as what you are doing is just as important as any warrior on the battlefield. You are waging warfare against cheater on the digital battlefield. You are defending and protecting the most vulnerable of our society against these predators and cheaters. Keep up the good work *Johnsonspy* .

[@justaweirdblonde1954]

I've always told the men I've had relationships with, the moment you are unfaithful is the moment you end our relationship. If I've ever felt so disconnected from my partner that I have felt myself drawn even into a hypothetical affair in my mind, I end the relationship. I've been in many abusive relationships (that I ultimately ended) but never once have I been unfaithful. Why? Because no failing relationship is worth sacrificing my morals and integrity for. No matter how it unfolds with a partner, there should be a base level of respect and empathy towards them as a human being. A failed relationship will not pollute your mind and foster insecurities anywhere near as much as being on the receiving end of adultery.

[@gerardobenavidez8152]

I absolutely agree with you Blondie.! I hope someday a find a woman with your morals. It is extremely extremely difficult to find people like that anymore

[@Thomas-ni1jn]

I have recently told my girlfriend the same thing. I have been cheated on before and other than say, seeing something tragic happen to one of my sons, it is the most enraging and painful feeling I have ever experienced. I kind of felt like a jerk but during a chat I told her that if it happens once we will be finished. No therapy, no excuses, nothing will walk it back. I had to plant the flag on that point.

[@justaweirdblonde1954]

@@gerardobenavidez8152 there are plenty out there like me, just don't waste your time with the bad ones 😊

[@justaweirdblonde1954]

@@Thomas-ni1jn not a jerk at all. Reality is, we are all conscious of our decisions and able to gauge the consequences of them. If you truly love someone, the idea of inflicting pain on them is inconceivable. That's why a cheater can't reason away their act with "but I love you". That's not love. It's just harder for the person to accept THAT is the truth, so they stay.

[@That_Handle]

Yep. ...Sounds like potential for continual cycling through attachment style repairs or traumas/enmeshments/codependency tendencies if not addressed ... Hm. Watch "Fearful Avoidants: 3 Things That Make You Feel Attraction & How to Overcome Limerence" kzbin.info/www/bejne/jHnJo6egq6qJe7c and... Watch "6 Key Things the Secure Person Does while Dating - What You Can Learn/Adopt! (Part 2 of 2)" kzbin.info/www/bejne/fondi6WXnsiXZ9E and plenty more there I've found to put context to my healing from her infidelity, barriers to vulnerability and communication. .... Understanding the child that was inside her and is likely still has helped me heal so much in ways that take me back to an innocence in being a child when I was young to find ways to love even those who were chastised and hated. An interesting turn of events/mindset for me I have to say because I didn't see this kind of transcendence coming... Yet, in spirit, that would have been my goal if we would have stayed together, regardless.... So here I am being present - congruent with whom I knew myself to be - and I feel a calm peace in knowing I have grown as much and more even though it's not within the vision I had for us to grow alongside each other together. It's enough to feel good about at least realizing my growth and not becoming truncated from our break-up. Best wishes y'all. 👍✌🤟🖖👋

[@dn3607]

You really can’t stop someone from cheating. No matter how great of a personality you have, how attractive you are, or how much money you make. You can’t control someone’s mind and actions. You can do everything right, but you can’t stop someone from cheating.

[@someother7252]

The point was how do you make your partner feel special and how do they make you feel special? Attraction, money or personality won't help you.

[@mrbacker5780]

Sounds bitchy I agree

[@bbaattttlleemmooddee]

You're diffusing your responsibility on the matter. You play the star role in determining how your partner feels about the relationship. Your partner plays a star role too, but that fact doesn't absolve you of your role any more than your role absolves them of theirs. What you do, what you don't do, what you say, what you don't say, and how you treat them, every little thing matters. Exactly half of everything in the relationship that is done, not done, said and not said is directly within your control. And that will never not be true. That's why assigning blame is never the right approach. By assigning the blame to the other person, we don't have to look at ourselves critically or take on the unpleasant task of burning off our deadwood, deciding which parts of ourselves to keep and which to ignite. And then we're destined to fail again next time in exactly the same ways.

[@maunder01]

Spot on. It is a CHOICE.

Rejection is cheating.

[@Symbolsysteme]

Maybe I am an exception, but I can honestly say that I was extremely relieved when my parents divorced when I was 5. When my parents where still married they were always arguing and there was such an explosive atmosphere at home. After the divorce all our lives where much more peaceful. Both of my parents had new partners and we even went on holidays all together. So, for some children a divorce of their parents is the best solution.

[@James_36]

possibly, or you're just coping and have mind blocked the trauma you went through and don't realise all the pain it caused. The data is clear on this

[@Symbolsysteme]

@@James_36 Of course I would have wished for a perfect family when I was a child. But since I didn't have the perfect family, on contrary - my parents had a very unhealthy relationship - it was much better for me and my sister and for my parents too that they divorced. Everything calmed down after their divorce and we even went on holiday with the new wife of my father and with the new boyfriend of my mother. I don't know which data you are refering too, but as we know there are always exceptions to every rule.

[@HeySeussGranny]

4:26 Feeling alive, important, seen, desired, having attention on you, feeling that you matter. 5:42 you want to leave the person you have become. You want to meet another self. There is no greater other than a different version of yourself. 9:47 Affairs are about longing, loss, and self exploration. What were you looking for?

[@benfine2328]

baby Am Ben easygoing person I like good and do good I like friends that have understanding and fun to be with I love arts, museum and music l lunch luxury every Eve I compose poem and scripts am a civil engineer and a contractor I work for company and I work in Asia,africa,and Europe I need a woman who understands What love is all about, to be my own I saw your picture and I am impressed you're beautiful and baby you shines like a diamond springs In Sky nicely like flowers in the garden of Eden's I close my eyes all I is you at first sight I felt the energy of Sun rays angel'wings written love on it I love you so much baby I want a wonderful woman will love me and know who I am and be mine forever i hope You will reply soonest thanks

[@samuelobas120]

Wow you look enchanting I will love to get to know you please contact me on here if interested {samuel.obas02/@?{/y/a/h/o/o/./c/o/m/}

[@ronwilson888]

The fact that they would do it is a reason just to dump them. Cheating is a coward thing to do.

[@mmommo2025]

thanks Ron, my ex blamed me, never said sorry....

[@ambeedextrous]

“There is no greater other, than a different version of yourself.” Wow. ❤️

[@marthanelson800]

You can hire an investigator privately.. to help you ... find out chats and calls,gps ...etc .sort out your relationship... text [phone].. for assistance..

[@TheChrismsanchez1]

You can not "make" someone stop. Some people just love the chase. The adrenaline rush of the chance of being caught.

[@ineedhoez]

This is about how to prevent it. Stop them from cheating implies that they haven't started yet.

[@cheesealien1695]

@@ineedhoez or if you catch them lacking in any small way, do it Mongolian style and chop its head off.

[@PHX5P]

“The majority of people who have affairs are not chronic philanderers, they’re actually often people who have been faithful for decades and one day they cross a line that they never thought they themselves would cross, and so you wanna ask, for what? And what starts to happen is this: often when you are attracted by the gaze of another, it isn’t just because you want to leave the person that you are with but it is because you want to leave the person that you have yourself become. And it isn’t just that you want to meet somebody else but you want to meet another self. There is no greater other than a different version of yourself.”

[@curtistinemiller1560]

I personally believe people cheat for various reasons selfish excitement,greed.,opportunity,Some just cheat because it is who they are!