How To Create Simple, Good Consequences That Work

[@seseaghito]

Dear Nicholeen, I deeply feel you're doing God's work of saving lives and families, through your ministry. I'm not a parent yet, I'm a teacher and I got so many useful tips from your book and your videos. I'm trying to adapt the idea of extra chores to a secondary school classroom environment. Many blessings from Italy.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late reply. Thank you so much! I feel that way as well. I love that you're adapting this for your classroom! You're not the only one. These resources might help you in your efforts: TSG in the Classroom Part 1: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hJDHpnyEftiVnKM&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Part 2: kzbin.info/www/bejne/iIDGZ56bYt2CgLc&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Part 3: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fIGth42IhbFseJo&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgY2xhc3Nyb29t Podcast episode: teachingselfgovernment.com/parenting-blog/podcast/podcast-118-tsg-in-the-classroom/ You've got this!

[@amandakan4279]

I love this so much! I was a parent who used time out because I did not want to yell or spank my child. It seemed like the best choice out of those. Now, I see it was not a good choice, it is a punishment. A chore as a consequence works way better at getting to the heart of the matter.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. I love this testimonial! Thank you for sharing!

[@rcwann1]

Thank you Nicholeen for taking the time to put this great teaching content together. It's been a real life-changer for my family.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response! You are most welcome! It's my pleasure.

[@angelyur8571]

I would love to hear more about consequences and how to properly instruct your child.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You got it! kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y2nPoWNmn5d_p6M&pp=ygUYbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcm9sZSBwbGF5 kzbin.info/www/bejne/nIakomyoftyqarc&pp=ygUlbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgZm9sbG93aW5nIGluc3RydWN0aW9ucw%3D%3D If you'd like more in-depth teaching, I recommend my online TSG Parenting Course. Here's the link, in case you're interested: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope this helps!

[@kitwebb24]

I'm so grateful for your teaching

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm so glad it's been so helpful!

[@kelseybenham4005]

I appreciate this a lot! But could you give us some please some examples of specific actual consequences. Because I am having trouble coming up with ones that do not create detachment or punishment. Specific ideas would be great

[@rcwann1]

She uses extra chores alot and I've done the same. Some specific examples are taking out trash, doing dishes, cleaning bathroom (this includes the toilet), raking grass/leaves, weeding garden beds...these are all ones that I use and I'm confident Nicholeen would approve. Extra chores would typically be chores they are familiar with...they just do an extra one as a consequence.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. I think that @rcwann1 hit it right on the head! It's the perfect answer to your question. Thanks for asking!

[@ThePolce]

I absolutely love sodas! They’ve helped to teach our youth decision making skills.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. Yes! I love this! I'm so glad they've been helpful!

[@ashleyallen1858]

Thank you Nicoleen!

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

You're most welcome!

[@kitwebb24]

Also I wish I could afford your entire teaching, I watch all of your videos. I have 5 children and love your self government

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

That's amazing! If you don't have it already, I do have a free resource that could help you until you're able to get my full course. It's my Calm Parenting Toolkit. teachingselfgovernment.com/calm-parenting-toolkit/ I hope that helps!

[@kitwebb24]

@TeachingSelfGovernment I will look again for it ♡ we have your audio book and can't wait to get the kids books . I share your videos and teaching with everyone I know. It's so beneficial for us as adults ASWELL lol

[@emloufox]

I’d love to see more example geared towards toddlers. My daughter is only two. A small example of some behavior I try to correct is when we’re on walks she will kick her shoes off onto the road. I have been telling her “ok, if you kick your shoes off we will stop walking.” (I have a cart I push her in and she loves it) then I will stand there for a minute or so and make her put her shoes back on. She typically responds well to that and stops but sometimes does it several times. Does this seem like an appropriate consequence or even one at all? I want to lay a good foundation but also make sure I’m being age appropriate.

[@ERICA850]

I love the shelving under bathroom sinks. Did you add that yourselves? I feel like every vanity should have that

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I wish I could say I did. I usually do my filming in a staged house, designed for filming videos. No one actually lives in it.

[@AR-pb2zh]

What if the child refuses to do the extra chore? My 11 year old son typically gets upset if you ask him to finish his tasks including picking up his socks in another room. If I tell him he has earned another chore he says "no, I'm not doing it" ..and invites me to ground him for a day. It gets very frustrating following him around to make sure he is willing to finish a task whether that is making up his bed, brushing his teeth without reminders, and eating his lunch at school, which I can't police at all.

[@sultrycitrus]

Sounds like that's when you resort to the "Loss of Privileges for 24 Hours"

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response! Great question! I think @sultrycitrus answered your question perfectly. The Rule of 3 would be your next step. Here's a video explaining what it is and how to execute it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3a5iomdjM59qsU&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZSBvZg%3D%3D I hope this helps!

[@ladym7852]

Man, I can't believe I missed this one! 😫

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

It's okay! I'm glad you found it. :)

[@jordanpalmer8659]

Do you have a video about consequences for very young kids? My two year old isn’t going understand that he has to do an extra chore BECAUSE he hit his sister.

[@supermomto7]

He will when you use her method of describe the behavior, tell what he should have done and finish with “because you hit your sister, you EARNED an extra chore”. With really little kids it helps to give them a very simple chore that they can do. I usually do something like pick up 5 toys. Search her channel for her toddler videos. She has more details there. I took her class 13 years ago and it really helped me then, I fell away from being consistent and am getting back into it again, it’s the best parenting stuff I’ve found for discipline. It incorporates lots of true principles about relationships and even about brain development. I recommend her full course (and I am not getting any benefit from saying that).

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. I think @supermomto7 explained it perfectly! Thank you! Here's the link to my course, if it's something you're interested in: teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/ I hope that helps!

[@shannonlampe9331]

Who is author for 4 books?

[@katig.4094]

What extra chores can I give to my son if there’s not very much to do in my house?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. Oh, there's more than you might think! Garbages can be emptied, baseboards can be wiped, window tracks can be cleaned, windows wiped, chair legs wiped down, doorknobs and light switches disinfected, and much more. If you'd like a document with a huge list of chores that are pretty universal, email Paije at [e-mail] and she can get you squared away! I hope that helps!

[@Lolikuki-g3]

Where can you buy the book why is this not listed?

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

I'm so sorry! Here is a link to the store on my website: teachingselfgovernment.com/store-category/materials/ I hope this helps!

[@friendalways9140]

My 15, 12, and 9 year old (the 9 year old is oppositional) have all gone out of instructional control and refuse to start their 24 hr. work period for 8 weeks now, continuing to speak rudly and disobey instructions that's given and refuse to do any of their chores. We have lots of positive consequences attached to chores and things they should be doing, like candy, but since they refuse their consequences I told them they can't have candy and those things until they come back in instructional control because it's been so long now.. So when they are disrespectful with their words or actions, or disobedient I'll say that has earned you an extra chore and they always say I don't care it's not like I'm going to ever do them anyway. I've been writing down every extra chore they've earned in my phone so when they ever get tired of not having any privileges they can do all the extra chores they've earned. They're up to about 40 give or take with each of them individually. We still go on the family activity together every Sunday but I'm thinking about taking that away as well just for this ongoing defiance. I already eventually took away the individual mother/daughter mother/son dad/daughter dad/son dates. They go to the point where they go crazy wild playing all over the house never doing what's told of them so now I'm saying to them you will have to stay in your room until you choose to do your homework and chores. So they'll sit in there and play a while or relax in their rooms until they want to do something else come out and they do it regardless of what I've told them. And I'll say no you have to stay in your room until you can do your chores and homework and they ignore me and keep going.

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. That is quite the situation! The full response to your comment is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your questions on one of my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!

[@amybussells276]

What happen if don’t do any Consequences

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Great question! You would then move into the Rule of 3. Here's a video explaining what it is and how to do it: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z3a5iomdjM59qsU&pp=ygUVbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZW9m I hope this helps!

[@MoNika-pu9jy]

Holy thats crazy

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

How so? :)

[@brookefitz3377]

Hi.. my son just turned 13 and he has never really had that nuch discipline bc his father would fight me on it. Now it's really hard bc he's 13...I need help lol

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. I have so many videos about using TSG with teens! Here are some: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jYrWq4ygfLeAnqM&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdGVlbg%3D%3D kzbin.info/www/bejne/g2a8pneniLKreJo&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdGVlbg%3D%3D kzbin.info/www/bejne/nmmrmmegnph3epI&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdGVlbg%3D%3D kzbin.info/www/bejne/hKqZZJeepZxjZq8&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdGVlbg%3D%3D kzbin.info/www/bejne/qYiXdohonZ6Ji5o&pp=ygUTbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgdGVlbg%3D%3D That's just some of them. I hope they help!

[@jodipirelli8480]

That’s not a consequence so you’re wrong if you don’t put your socks away that’s not a consequence that’s an event the consequence of not putting your socks away is that you can’t find the socks that you’re looking for or the match to the sock that you’re looking for and you need to find something else but that’s not a consequence that’s an actual

[@TeachingSelfGovernment]

Sorry for the late response. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!