How to date an INTJ (with LiJo)

20 things you HAVE to know when dating an INTJ : www.typematchapp.com/product/...
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#mbti #intj #16personalities #relationships

[@elmoomle4565]

If an INTJ male is talking to a woman about any topic that's not related to his current purpose...he is flirting.

[@KatanaKamisama]

Truth.

[@LittleMew133]

Lmaooooo

[@notavideographer]

INTJs don't flirt. INTJs stalk. And then we engage militarily after thorough strategy analysis.

[@hopezoie907]

I'm an intj female..this is so true!! 😂🙈

[@KatrinaKatress]

notavideographer I’m laughing 😂 true

[@N0B0DY_SP3C14L]

This is correct, and it's because we are hunters. Our traits evolved from being the hunters of our tribes.

[@robgoodsight6216]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@bendam9257]

That’s PUA shit right there.

[@KatrinaKatress]

As an INTJ, A dealbreaker for me is someone who does not put emphasis on their own personal growth and development.

[@KatrinaKatress]

Alexander Kane definitely ♥️♥️

[@DH-ig3bo]

Saame

[@billbutton7669]

Good to know.

[@angelous6630]

Now what exactly do you mean you wouldn't give someone a chance that needed help with thier personal growth cause I don't know if I am an INTP now lol I would be the one now that needs a hand from a smart caring individual for i have fallen far from grace and seems i really need that reason to "give a shi" again not from you ofcourse but I am now finding that 16 different types ok but all take an ambiguous nature of growth. To my point if that person was shining out to you and you liked them after you seen that they were struggling would you walk away too much work or just may be that person would rock your world and you can't ever part. I walked from both so I am seeking your knowledge willing to share fact ... any one can share and Thank you for entertaining my rant by reading it

[@codedemenssoftwaredawidjak2253]

Same. Not that many people put work to improve. And more you see dis balance between you and one's progress - especially when that person is involved in taking drugs, or some kind of addiction, or just simply doesn't give a fuck. -INTJ-A

[@InternetLiJo]

Thanks for having me on Katie!! I really enjoyed your questions!

[@Turd_Eating_Dog]

I held my breath when she asked you the question about the appropriate date for an INTJ. I immediately thought "coffee/book shop, Art Museum then park". Your explanation was great. It's possible every INTJ has bought a deck of those cards for 'human research'.

[@calebalexander7488]

Great video! Multiple times you ended up completing the answer I was giving to her questions. Especially when it came it the need for autonomy within relationships.

[@angelous6630]

LiJo well as i said to Kate i tested at a INTP I wonder how different a INTJ is things you said i know in this video your hard drive running at double speed. I also wonder if numbers and astrological signs mean anything also being a virgo tendencies are to be 100%male with some female traits. Anyway I cant wait to figure out why I am struggling with even connecting to anyone to even get a date i am so far away from confidence that anyone can be wanting to date. I thank you for your time also and look forward to see if you understand what I mean.

[@mialindvall]

So much that resonates with me when it comes to relationships, I love how well you put our wierdness into words Lijo ❤

[@mastermindmoney7605]

Your answers were spot on. The whole no romantic pressure/friends first really resonates.

[@Revaiel_]

INTJ males flirt when they are confident and with a friend they are comfortable with, and it is by using their humorous wit to make the person laugh.

[@kjellman96]

I don't have any humorous wit. I'm not worried though.

[@RelentlessRoxas]

Something to know about INTJ's; hard to get, easy to lose.

[@LittleMew133]

Terrifying

[@cinthyaraudales5033]

Accurate

[@kssgpv]

i disagree, i think INTJs are very resilient in a relationship and they don't easily let go. Very loyal and persistent. That's why it's difficult to decide to get into a relationship

[@YonasonWeideman]

INTJ date ideas: various museums, date at home/ Netflix, park or nature trail, online/ Zoom date, walking around a college campus, anything that accomplishes something practical, am escape room, volunteering, etc.

[@Elfen41]

Lindsay, you're speaking my language. I think boyfriends who show up unannounced at work is a deal breaker because if I have a project I'm working on, any distraction will not be appreciated. And if a guy can make me forget that the world exists for a minute, I'm his.

[@tralaritralarajiju2652]

Yes. Agree completely. -intj female

[@rebeccapem5550]

I'm an INTJ and my husband is an ISFJ. I come up with the big plans and he helps me carry them out.

[@futuristicorange3895]

30 minutes of lindsay and kate flirting lol. If you wanna know what an intj flirts like, its usually like this but a bit more. Just having fun playful banter, while also talking about interesting topics. Well done you two. I love both ur channels. 🐨💛

[@TypeMatch]

HAHAHA basically yea. I'm just drawn in and energized by IJs

[@lauranatalie1434]

When she was talking about how INTJs will look past/through people because they're so focused, from their POV I picture ENFP popping into frame at random times and surprising them, asking "WHATCHA THINKING ABOUT?!"

[@apoorvsom9120]

That is soo freaking true! A random ENXP popped into my life just being like that.

[@luisacordero1501]

My closest girlfriend is an INTJ and the male friend I’m interested in is also an INTJ. I love their brilliance and even when they appear insulting, I can see through it and know they deeply care.

[@rodemates]

I'm an INTJ female and my ideal date is somewhere relatively quiet (outdoors/cafe) where we can just mainly talk. I want to know who the person is and if they are interesting to me. It's sink or swim. I like to strip away all the big distractions from what is really important in the beginning. Let's not waste either of our time is my thought. But I do understand that some people need the big distractions like movies and malls because they are so nervous. I'll go along with it sometimes but I don't like it. I mean I don't even really like those things on a normal day.

[@barbarat67]

I relate to so many of the things LiJo says. Especially the deal-breaker, where people think "time together" = how much I love you. I find that true in all relationships not just romantic ones. I have always found It hard to express that to others who don't understand. I have felt bad so many times when people thought I didn't care about them or wanted nothing to do with them just because of time apart. I can see that some feel deeply hurt when I don't spend enough time with them so I try to meet their needs. Although, I know within myself that "time spent together" doesn't equal my love for them. I find it inherently stressful that love should be defined by "time spent together" and I am always scared of not doing enough interacting with those kinds of people. I have some people in my life that completely understand this either because they feel the same way or can put themselves in my head. I find it peaceful to be in relationships with those kinds of people because they understand that my love is unrequited and not something they have to earn (it just exists because of the person they are). That is why I seek out these relationships more, no fuss.

[@ClovisPiper42]

I’m an ENFP female newly dating an INTJ male. This was so enlightening. What’s funny is that I am always rushing out the door and he is thinking of a million things to do.

[@KatanaKamisama]

9:50 INTJ, can confirm. I was in a relationship with this girl, and I was giving her ~4hrs a day, 6 days a week. I had one day which I had expressly reserved for one of my hobbies, and she felt like I didn't love her, because I reserved time to "be away from her" (her perspective). Meanwhile she had about the same time slot weekly that she spent at relative's, which I pointed out was a double standard, but she refused to acknowledge she was being irrational, and just kept insisting "that's different".

[@ProJanitor]

Golden pair intj plus entp lol great video!

[@NanulSavage]

INTJ’s don’t care about the activity of the date since the purpose is to chat and get to know each other. But one can definitely list what are bad dates; movies, concerts, stuff that doesn’t allow the purpose to manifest.

[@guillonremi5668]

INTJ's basically are trying to rationalise, even what shouldn't be, typically : love, flirting... I don't know if it's common among INTJ's but I feel like deep down we're super romantic but we're so weak emotionaly that our TE older brother won't let anything threaten his little brother FI looks like I'm doomed to remain forever alone ^^' (FI actually crying inside) btw 22:00 climbing in tree... hum remembers me of where you'd spend a lot of time during your childhood Lindsey, am I onto something?^^ (don't be afraid I'm just another INTJ trying to solve everything ;)

[@DH-ig3bo]

I agree. In my head I imagine being very romantic and flirty but when the opportunity arrives I just can't do it. It's really weird but I can show my love much better with acts of service.

[@ninadiener9806]

Totally! I have lots of love to give when I really like someone, but actually expressing it in a more understandable, standard romantic way is nearly impossible, I just feel it differently, I think

[@scott7008]

You are right, really , im an INTJ, and we live in a really strange world.

[@anacheah8981]

More neutral term is to analyse. Analysing everything comes very natural for me since forever.

[@AS-jq4lb]

poor Squishy (Fi 3) 😔 as an INFP, i try to make contact with my INTJ friends’ Fi and entice it out to play with me and that big beefy Te tries to run me over, but my Fi stands firm during the onslaught. and Ne is way too curious to let up and asks all the inappropriate and challenging questions 😆 i know Squishy hates me sometimes but as it keeps coming back for more playtime, i guess i’m doing something right...

[@notavideographer]

"SF" is where people meet. So true, and a helpful thing to be aware of. *takes notes*

[@yd8104]

That introduction was sooo INTJ! LOL Anybody else to their guest : "can you introduce yourself for those who don't know you?" INTJ : "Her name is x, link to her channel down below. So, first question : ..." So efficient, i love it! Thx

[@hannapriskilla9815]

Date idea: As an INTJ, I would love it if you took me to an escape room and then dinner :) But it's maybe more of a third date idea.. You get to see how the other person works with you as a team, how they think, how observant they are, how good of a memory they have, how they work under stress, and how good they are at solving puzzles (and how competitive they are). Plus it's super fun.

[@pureicefire]

I'm an INTJ and that idea sounds really fun to me, I would love it

[@LittleMew133]

I LOVE ESCAPE ROOM.

[@malindaeckert2300]

Lindsey reminds me of Alanis Morrisette. 🤘

[@InternetLiJo]

Thanks

[@vaportrails7943]

The interesting thing to me about this video is how much variation there is within these types. I think they're a good general description, but they don't tell you everything about someone. As an INTJ male, some of what she says is exactly like me (not giving a crap about current trends). Some of it's not like me at all (needing a huge amount of space in a relationship, ignoring my girlfriend, etc). When she starts talking about flirting, we are completely different. Maybe because as a male, I am visually drawn to women regardless of type, and I understand that attraction for women is much more of a mental thing. So the flirtation is subtle, just a little hint here and there, just enough to let her know that I might be interested. And then maybe we start talking, and maybe one of us invites the other to do something together. I don't like crowds, but one on one conversations are something I'm pretty good at. So my advice, at least for women with an INTJ male, is that if there seems to be some vibes going on, just start a conversation one on one, and be friendly and honest. The negative thing that happens sometimes is that other people are suspicious of me, and/or defensive, and seem to think that I'm looking down on them or something, even if I'm not. Don't be intimidated, just chat. And be friendly. Not complicated.

[@danielaaguilar8897]

This video was really great!!

[@BiblicallyHandle]

I’m an INFJ who tends to feel out of place in an SF world. Thank you for making me feel understood.

[@LittleMew133]

Same 😭

[@flm8580]

What's an SF world? In brief. Care to elaborate? :)

[@5thdimensionliving727]

Really helpful podcast 🙏🙏 I’m a ENFJ- A who is considering dating a INTJ. I found your insights fascinating. Thank you 🙏

[@enfieldjohn101]

I enjoy Lindsay and Kate's channels so it's great to find them talking together. It's funny how LiJo says that she and her husband met naturally and it sort if happened. That happened to me in that I was set up on a blind date by coworkers. It worked out that she was a special ed teacher and a Christian who accepted me and understood me as I really am. I wasn't nervous around her. I could tell that I didn't have to try to be someone else. Deal breakers for me when it comes to relationships would be people who are loud and boisterous most of the time. Like LiJo says, someone who is needy and won't give me any alone time. My wife is really good at talking me into taking a break from what I'm working on now and then. She's also good about being a sounding board or to daydream with. She also seeks my advice about things Im more into than she is. Does anything make an INTJ feel better than asking them for help or advice and then actually taking that advice? I've been told when I was single that a girl was flirting with me, but I didn't even notice. :) I'm oblivious to that sort of thing. I don't like surprises either. I find spontaneous moments a bit scary. My wife will ask me as much time ahead of time as possible if I'd be interested in doing someting. She'll also give me at least two options to choose from, so if one idea doesn't strike me, I've other options to pick that I know she'll still be ok with doing. Great dates we've been on have been like museums, botanical gardens, concerts of favorite bands, helping each other with projects, etc. One great example of the last one is when she wanted to build a garden for her students, it was a great experience because it me let do my thing with what I know about plant science, raising plants etc. While she brought her creativity and understanding of what the kids need. So great. Good video! I recommend it to anyone trying to understand an INTJ in their life.

[@angelous6630]

Exactly exactly exactly how this has hit on all my questions about things I am interested in now and i am spinning. Now i doubt that I am a full INTP oh crap I am seeing similar comments conditions that are working in this theme. I come here seeking knowledge thanks i am more confused about what I was excited about and now it's a quest and you will think i am nuts for all my comments. Again thanks for the everything KATE!

[@bluesherbet2741]

Same happens to me.

[@ariannad5949]

INTJ here. Ive been dating an EXXP man [i believe], and he told me last night after a 6hr date that he wasnt sure if i was into him bc I didnt "flirt". I just said "I dont flirt, but im consistent (in my words and actions). I like you a lot, I wouldnt be here if i didnt like you." Idk what else to do honestly I dont think i'm capable of "typical flirting." Edit: Lol I have the "Were not really strangers" game, and another one called "Lets get deep." 🤣

[@anneh851]

About the ignoring we do: usually we do it as a protective/defense mechanism when we believe the other person probably won't like us. In these times it's so nice to be proven wrong!

[@masayuangelanggraini6144]

My INTJ crush suddenly ignore me after we are hanging out with my guy friends and mention another guys ... but they are all friends. I got very hurt and idk what to do. I want to let him know I care in subtle way .. but now I just feel hurt :'(

[@anneh851]

@@masayuangelanggraini6144 I'm sorry this happened. Is he jealous? Maybe one of the other guys is also interested, and if he knows this, well, it would be a problem. Hopefully you guys can talk this out.

[@masayuangelanggraini6144]

@@anneh851 I am not sure my self. But it is a pattern now, so maybe. You know they are hard to be predicted. I really like him so it is so sad ... he doesnt ignore me completely. We still talk after class ... but he doesnt innitiate text anymore.

[@heffthehecked]

that first deal breaker is very true for me and my ISTP friend except i like to think he grew out of that so now we are still friends :)

[@se7en6ix2wo4]

I think people are best viewing INTJ as vendors or transactional people. If you bring them junk, you'll get junk in return (small talk, toxic behavior etc.) if you bring them understanding they will try their utmost to understand you. If you bring some loyalty, they will match or surpass all these things the more they like you. When trying to flirt or approach, don't be as cold as them, but be of some value beyond the norm, you also have to be someone worth trading with. I can small talk anyone and get the same in return.. getting a real deep and honest opinion on something is harder and worth more. But don't just sit down and place a grenade on the table, although it would buy a good amount of my intrigue, that only gets you in the door (at best). I think a good first date would be something engaging that requires teamwork or something super lowkey and quiet.

[@isaymamamoo9469]

Interesting. Why do you mention teamwork for the first date?

[@Binyamin.Tsadik]

Nice talk

[@TypeMatch]

Thanks Binyamin!!

[@drleo6409]

I took the test a few years ago I can't remember if I am an INTJ or not I think it was but now I want to take the test again. Listening to this makes me thing I am.. ,, every personality is very interesting..

[@salsabilislam8510]

Deal breaker 9:09 moment. Couldn't agree more. Dealing with an ENFJ boyfriend who drives me crazy by giving me those big lectures about giving time and attention. It is a chaos.

[@NB-qy7ku]

Think as entj relate to lot of this. The engaging mind is good way to draw connect

[@heshammohamed8701]

INTJ can analyise almost anything that anything is a skill that we can work hard to master and use it

[@denvercolorado811]

You should interview an INTJ guy about how to date.

[@dirkslifeadvice5339]

Ahhh background stimulus. 😌😌😌

[@joshharper1906]

speaking of being at bars... I wouldn't normally be at one but I was touring distilleries in Kentucky and I was at Fort Nelson (Michter's bar) and I was by myself and some young ladies ended up sitting next to me while I tasted thru a flight of bourbons and kept trying to talk to me and it didn't really register to me until some time after i left that they were probably flirting.

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

I'm an INTP and since we both like out space that should be great, but its confusing as hell trying to find out if you connect when there is seeming apathy at the front end where you'd think there would be a slightly higher interest level. This is great at the committed relationship phase where trust is established, but its impossible to gauge whether there is enough interest on the other end to invest in the relationship at my end.

[@rogerhuggettjr.7675]

@TRXSH • Things have improved since my post. 6 months into an ISFP relationship where she signaled her interest at the outset. We've been sure of each other almost from the first date.

[@clintcarpentier2424]

GYAAAAAAAAAAAH Close the door! You're letting the light in!!!

[@ruonanzheng2019]

The first question just make me laugh.

[@drheckyll]

how does an intrj flirt? - i read they type you from a distance. I read this AFTER i typed somone and as consquently found this site and others - just did it naturally - was shocked i was actually flirting when i discovered that list! - then texted the list to my friend lol. re dates - musicals opera etc - let music be the date!

[@heshammohamed8701]

but as INTJ , I could understand the way of filrting from someone else and understand the other person perpective so i use the way of flirting that she likes , but still i feel too much in control and at that level it's not love or even fun , so i back off from this relation .

[@yd8104]

16:29 We are capable of that. How so? We use how super power and learn how to do it, like anything else, tunnel vision for weeks or months to acquire that skill set.

[@stormiewutzke4190]

I'm an ISTP. I just tried flirting and fell flat on my face. I have pulled it off and the person seemed right but then I forgot about my texting problem. I finally ended up submitting a very long resume. I am pretty sure it went badly after 2 days but I have some hope since I have had. Her not get back for days in the past. Ugh flirting would be so much fun if it didn't come with dating. I do got an idea for a topic for you. What type females are best at swearing. For any ladies out there just so you know if you can remain upbeat and happy and swear without it sounding forced, let just say you are likely to attract a more open minded male. It's probably a way to sort ot tender egos.

[@sofia8574]

5:58 OMG YES

[@tahababikir6014]

22:40 INTJs are not the go-to for ideas. ENTP friends can provide NT ideas for activities...

[@ObsidianBehemoth]

It takes me about 6 months to warm up to people... not ideal.

[@johnknight9150]

You mentioned "SF" as being that place where people meet, and how you feel an outsider if you're not in that space. As an INTJ that's always been the case for me until I discovered French culture and French conversation. They *hate* small talk and you are expected to contribute something interesting (not the weather!!), and if you don't have anything to contribute, you simply don't have to speak. And you don't have to smile either. From what I can tell, the French aren't the only people like this. So if you've always felt like an outsider, try mixing with another culture.

[@johnknight9150]

@Titan Maximus It's not as universal as you think. I'm used to the way we do things in Australia (which is fairly similar to the US) but the French have completely different social protocols. They hate being hugged for one thing - they call it 'the dreaded American hug'. I'm not sure you read my post correctly: we INTJs love to go deep and hate small talk. The French also hate small talk and want a conversation of substance.

[@johnknight9150]

@Titan Maximus That escalated quickly.

[@johnknight9150]

@Titan Maximus Excuses for what? I adore the French and generally prefer the way they do things. It's strange at first, but there's method to the madness. I don't let the French corrupt me a little, I let them corrupt me a lot! Nothing will change your life and turn you upside down like a French girl! ;-)

[@peterpaul3166]

I mean this as Te innocent as possible: i got so bored half way through but did get enlightened

[@ABC-qu3tj]

What does intj think when blocking and not responding chat from someone (infp) suddenly without telling anything? It really breaks infp heart

[@jonathandelacruz1300]

Bro, this is actually happening to me too lol

[@nadandkfa]

lol me too, im enfp anywys

[@RelentlessRoxas]

Well, they don't think anything. When it's done with an intj it's seriously done done, we have returned into our inner "cave" where(sorry to say this) you aren't welcome anymore. There is no "getting back in". When I ghost I block on every only platform thinkable and trust me, we think of them all. When the the people I've ghosted try to get friends to try to make contact with me I block them too. Any part of the cancer gets cut out. We aren't mad about it we just refuse give it another moment of our time and it's for a legitimate reason, to us. It might not have anything to do with something you necessarily did. It was most probably something where you just weren't inline with their core goals. My advice, although difficult to metabolize, don't take it personally because to an INTJ it surely isn't.

[@isaymamamoo9469]

@@RelentlessRoxas I'm an intj and I'm the opposite. I hate it when people ghost so I'll try my best to respond to everybody. I don't block people either, unless they're disrupting me.

[@isaymamamoo9469]

Unfortunately this question cannot be answered by one person. Your mbti is an archetype and it doesn't account for what one person did to you. I hope you find peace with whoever blocked you and you are able to move on.

[@kennethgottfredsen1326]

According to an Intj reality has to be perceived like an onion. Where every reality represents several layers. In order to reach a logic understanding of this reality, every layer has to be peeled and investigated.

[@se7en6ix2wo4]

@8:20 well just like in the movies, you need a good meathead around who will be willing and dumb enough to go charging ahead, that way we can know if there are any traps which INTJ would've warned about but this guy exploding into a red mist all over the group is.. more entertaining somehow. You think I sound mean but trust me Meathead prefers it this way, you think he would stop to listen to the guy in the glasses warning about tripwires? No. So why rob Meathead and the group of some fun and exciting fireworks? nothing snaps sheeple into more focus anyway.

[@michaelvandenheuvel317]

I should have said hello . but hello

[@dystopia-incognito]

INTJ about stereotype: "And that's not true1" *proceeds to confirm it anyway in different words*

[@angelaf6688]

Escape room is a good date idea. You will escape the room if you let the INTJ do their thing.

[@AimeeVignes]

Not seeing someone after two months? Seems like avoidant attachment

[@AminJones]

LiJo, I met an entp. She's gorgeous but annoying. We met while I was caught in the grip of my inferior functions. Dating her would be an active decision to dwell in a consistent rut; always knowing that I could do better, circumstancially, but staying for the sex and choice of trapping myself into the aforementioned, rut. Alan Watts said, "hesitation is the act of choice". I hesitated. Met her before the librarian. Nothing is certain, but I would certainly have a lot of fun with that plan.

[@AminJones]

I apologize, lady that's not Lindsay, I'm enfj, I read a lot of books by their cover. I'll go fetch a link to, caught in the grip.

[@AminJones]

thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/07/what-each-myers-briggs-type-does-in-a-rut-the-rise-of-the-inferior-function/2/

[@AminJones]

So her, the aforementioned annoying hotness, would be a decision to stay stressed. "It's going to be biblical," again.

[@AminJones]

Btw, lady who's channel this is, enfj turns intj. I'm enfj.

[@losingobernables1829]

Her videos are not good. Cannot imagine accepting to be so boxed in by cognitive functions.

[@aoeuable]

Oh totally. Can you even imagine, taking your car to the highway? All those guard rails and signs telling me what to do. Much better to avoid roads alltogether.

[@syedmazharhasan6803]

@@aoeuable #SavageReply 😅

[@hannahmathilda7101]

LOS INGOBERNABLES Of course there are nuances in people’s behaviors, however-like how biology has systems and processes (that sometimes alter for different contexts) psychologically, there are systems and processes. I hate being boxed in as well, and yet I see typology as a way to expand our mind on how other individuals perceive and act.

[@fvm8906]

@@hannahmathilda7101 Yup. Typology has its blindspots like with any discipline but it is a nice starting point to gain greater self-awareness of oneself and how to understand others not like you.