Dating as an INTJ

[@helenshianimation7567]

I am an ENTP, I do get on really well with INFPs, but I can confirm that INTJs care way more about others than INFPs do. When I was at my worst, I tried telling many people about my problems, but this INTJ was the only person who really listened to my problems and gave good advise without any judgments.

[@justcallmejon22]

Congrats, because it sounds like you're part of the INTJ's Fi! INTJs will come and go as we please but we will never ignore a friend or family in need ❤

[@dillonmason4503]

That's probably because the INTJ likes you (or) is a friend? Us infps are very caring also. But we get very offended if our advice/help is turned down when we try, so we may learn to look for the "help me" flag before assisting. Sometimes infps are also just lost in our own world a lot. We don't want to be this way all the time. We just are.

[@helenshianimation7567]

@@dillonmason4503 Us ENTPs like to go to the INFPs for interesting conversations and watch and research things on the internet

[@jessicag630]

My ENTP friend never feels that my advice fits him. It feels like he never trusts any of my advice or opinions on his problems. INTJ can and have the tendency to be brutally honest too, so probably your friend is not an INTJ. ISTJ perhaps?

[@helenshianimation7567]

@@jessicag630 The thing is whether your ENTP friend trust your advise or not, he will act like if he doesn't, because that's what us ENTPs do. Our tertiary Fe still understand that we shouldn't embarrass others, but we know that INTJs don't really care about what others think of them, so we act a lot more rude towards INTJs, we will pretend to rebel against what you say, but secretly follow through. and no, my friend is definitely not an ISTJ, I find xSxJ types tend to take things too 'literally', where as Ni users have the ability to recognise the intentions of others so they see the bigger problem behind your story and the Te tells you what to do about it. If there is another type that this INTJ friend of mine is similar to, he reminded me of some ISFPs I used to know.

[@ishyameru6232]

Dating as an INTJ… something I’ve actively avoided since the last time we won’t speak of

[@ishyameru6232]

Losing someone feels worse than losing a loved one

[@supersaiyan8437]

@@ishyameru6232I agree

[@justcallmejon22]

Sucks to hear about your bad experience but life is meant to be lived. I hope you get over this hump and start putting yourself out there again one day ✊🏼

[@Acethe_happyaccident]

Same

[@t-man5196]

Yes but have you tried dating as another type?

[@elizabethstandard5184]

DON'T PANIC! because the clock is ticking. As an INTP female, I had such a rotten time with romantic relationships before 40 that I gave it all up and became a cynical celibate for a decade. But then I turned 50 and everything changed. I met 3 fantastic guys in a row, the last I was with for 11 years. All these guys remain close friends. Now I'm just turning 71 and I still have a twinkle in my eye. I am growing, learning and maturing all the time and still have a another good 20 years at least to go. I think the trick is to eat as healthy as you can and stay in shape and this will fuel your optimism. Yes, as an INTP, I also feel like a mind that happens to own a body and it can be a chore to look after it, but the rewards are enormous, especially on your outlook and attitude. So, forget the time, just stay focused on becoming the awesome super-person you are meant to be. I call it ageing disgracefully!

[@sandymendizabal9977]

As a female INTJ, i can relate to all this hands down a 100%. A life struggle but i'm comfortable being on my own. It sucks at times but better than wasting my time with someone who doesn't value or understand how i do things. I'm by no means a perfect INTJ, far from it. I'm still working on my flaws as far as expressing my internalized feelings and understanding others needs. These vids definitely give me insight as to how i can improve and of course not think like i'm the only one going through this.

[@justcallmejon22]

We'll continue to grow together my INTJ sister ✊

[@sdsloveslife]

Thank you fir sharing this. INTJ male who feels the same way.

[@christineg5699]

I'm a 60 y/o female INTJ and I can totally relate to every single thing that you have said. I was very lonely in my 30s for all of the reasons that you have expressed until I met my "forever person" at age 35. I knew within a few weeks that he was the person for me. He's an ENTJ and we are a great pair, married 24 years and going strong. Don't give up. There are lot's of great partners out there for you.

[@justcallmejon22]

Congrats on finding your person! I've always been a fan of the ENTJ/INTJ pairing ❤

[@SeaofSpears]

I can't remember the last time I felt the need to comment on a KZbin video. I'm an INTJ, and your words resonated with me. Do I want to express those feelings externally? No. But I do want to say that I feel I've been heard, which is extremely rare for me personally. Interpersonal relationships are inherently difficult when you value time with yourself so highly. Anyway, good luck on your journey man. The right person will either come along, or they won't. The best option is to live our best life by ourselves and hope that we exist in one of the universes where it works out to a satisfactory degree.

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for commenting and it's always nice to hear from others with this share experience. I agree, lets continue living our best lives ✊🏼

[@aiuchiha111]

My INTJ friend shared this with me. Now I am even more motivated to take care of and respect my INTJ friends' baby Fi. You're one of my favourite people here, Jon, and I believe in the goodness of your destiny. You will meet your forever person, it makes my heart glow to find people who also have this "forever" ideal as me💖. Don't worry, I will make sure to take care of fellow INTJs for you😊😊😊 - Sincerely, an INFJ

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for taking care of your INTJ ❤

[@Pirogok01]

You are so sweet!❤❤❤

[@yfaewwegfawg]

INTJ male here, more seriously, the main problem is being honest with my own nature of still wanting affection and intimacy. If I could logic my way out of it and put it beneath me and look down on it, I totally would. But I still have emotions. What I am doing now is becoming the best version of myself. But the key thing is that socialization, community, and acts of service are part of this, not just my solo goals. Being around people you are comfortable (and uncomfortable) with really helps keep down the ni-fi loops with dating. If I meet women I like doing my thing, then great; I'd love to meet someone naturally who is already involved in the things I am. If not, then whatever. We're INTJs, our fictional characters are the most badass people ever. Look at Bruce Wayne, he can actually do everything. No one is perfect, but INTJs can damn well get close. A strategic mind enables us to quite literally work on finance, emotional health, physical health, passion projects, social life, community, acts of service, and dating if you want to, all at the same time with a ruthlessly consistent effort. If that's not attractive in dating, then nothing ever will be. Better to live a fulfilled life in peace than participate in modern dating misandry and misogyny.

[@justcallmejon22]

"Better to live a fulfilled life in peace than participate in modern dating misandry and misogyny"..I love this 🙂

[@ameliadeshane9192]

That is all attractive in dating. ❤

[@friendlyanomaly6109]

Batman is considered the most attractive male superhero. He's an INTJ.

[@kssgpv]

there is not such a thing as misandry. We just hate abusers and you take it personally. The reaction to misogyny in patriarchy is not translated to misandry, you just have to take responsibility and treat women as human and equals.

[@missnerd4832]

INFJ here. I recently got into a relationship with an INTJ. For both of us it's the best thing we ever came across. You will find your forever person ❤

[@thehuntressdanni2972]

JEALOUS!!! I came across a gentleman who's in an INTJ INTJ pairing and I'm totally hoping that even if it's not a romantic pairing, that I end up with a fellow INTJ friend. I am so happy for you guys! 💕

[@justcallmejon22]

Congrats on the relationship! Please take care of your INTJ for me ❤️

[@missnerd4832]

@@justcallmejon22 thanks 😊 I will look after him well 🫶

[@Persephoneeeeeee]

Same. I'm an INTJ and am dating a INT? Its the best relationship I've ever had.

[@breathesfreedom]

I've met INTJ on a video game we both love,and live on completely different sides of the world. We were both struck with each other and we started talking every day. But,it was me who messed it up with constant doubts about him and him "not caring"about me. Now that I look back,he showed a lot,and is still showing but he doesn't anymore see me as potential partner,but wants to be friends with me. Makes me very sad but I still think about him all the time and care that he is okay,healthy and happy. I still support his decisions and secretly hope I can be the one for him regardless of distance not being the most efficient solution haha. Oh god :D - INFJ-t

[@ssll8232]

As an INFP, this is why I always used to clash with my INFJ mom. Having my Fi always ignored made me feel worse growing up, especially as an immature INFP teen. Now I am mature and get along the best with INTJs. I am dating an INTJ right now. He's great. We both listen to each other and respect each other's views. I have learnt to not take things he says personally. I know they come from good intentions. He is a very kind person.

[@carmenm8521]

My mom is INFJ and we do have a hard time understanding each other

[@ssll8232]

@@carmenm8521 to me, as an INFP: INFJs are the people who understand me the most but also completely misunderstand me. How is this possible? Lol. They can come across so inauthentic and rigid to me and I can come across as selfish and “too sensitive” to them. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate INFJs for their wisdom and the order they can bring into our lives but their rigidity and often single-mindedness is suffocating for my free-spirited INFP self. I also always feel like they’re judging me IN SILENCE haha! And I can feel that 😬 My INTJ lets me be me and I let him be himself. I love that about INTJs. It’s like we don’t even have to try- we just listen and understand each other. My INFJ mom on the other hand had been moulding me into something she wanted me to be all my life. Hence, parental enmeshment. She’s a lot mature now. I still love her to death. My Fi clashed with her Fe a lot. I would be bullied at school and I just needed to be heard about my feelings (deep and intense) but she keeps going on about her wisdom and tells me that I’m too sensitive and fragile, while completely ignoring the feelings I just poured out to her. She also used information I had shared confidentially with her in future arguments or conflicts against me! Ufff held a lot of resentment for that. But yeah, like I said, there is no person in this world that I love more than my INFJ mom but these were some things that bothered me a great deal. I wanted to also explain since other INFJs may find it useful.

[@sylviaowega3839]

You should try finding yourself an INTP. I can tell you that having met several INFP’s, they have told me that they feel most comfortable with us INTP’s, because we can understand them like no other as we are the most similar to them. I am married to an INTJ, but an INFP based on my personal experience that they understand me like no other type.

[@justcallmejon22]

I understand my INFP friend 🧡

[@dillonmason4503]

But aren't you lacking that emotional affection the intj won't give you? That was the only thing holding me back from continuing a relationship with the intj I was with (infp here.) She was cool, level-headed and engaged me in deep conversation which I loved. But she wasn't the lovey dovey type. And I am.

[@bekkifromwisconsin]

"You have to be able to compete with my love of being alone". I have said versions of this in the past. My friends think it's funny. Partly because they know how honest it is.

[@justcallmejon22]

My friends laugh at my honestly all the time as well 😆

[@lalune323]

51 female INFJ here. Respect for spilling out your heart for us online. It was also genuinely interesting to hear you talk about your dating issues with INFJ females. I would appreciate if you elaborate in a follow up video. I always love to learn sth new. Thanks for your videos!

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you and I'm considering making those videos 🙂

[@hanchs]

My partner is an intj male and we’ve been together for 8 years now (Gahh!). No relationship is perfect indeed and I think sometimes we just need to accept each other’s differences. It’s also very important to set boundaries and give each other space when needed. Overall, I’m very happy to be with my serious yet secretly goofy intj partner and look forward to our future. Good luck! - isfp :D

[@justcallmejon22]

Congrats on your relationship and it sounds like you two are making it work. Take good care of him for me please 🙏

[@kristenscott8181]

As an ENFP involved in a failing relationship with an INTJ it's incredibly helpful to hear your perspective. Thanks

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm hoping the best for the two of you ❤

[@Christine-wu9tx]

I'm also an ENFP dating an INTJ... It's certainly challenging as I'm in the early stages! 😩

[@gabrielnadia1085]

ENFP and INTJ get along well when mature...INTJ is less reserved and ENFP IS more focused. If you want to have it now, try to focus on tasks more, add music/ instrumental while doing them. Let the INTJ do at your place more. Relax and thank!

[@meganlyons9908]

@@gabrielnadia1085when you say “let INTJ do at your place more” do you mean encourage them to spend time doing their hobbies at your place so you’re doing solo activities “together”? Thanks for adding advice!

[@agent9184]

I've thought about it a lot, but the issue tends to be that we have a predisposition for a life of abstraction. Not just INTJ's but types like INTP's as well. What I mean by that is that we want to maximize the usage of our Ni and Te (our mind, planning systems, introspection) and we find the sensory quite useless (the body, activities with no goal, cooking 3 hours to eat for 2 minutes) which leads us to abstract things like science, engineering, philosophy, etc. This makes it hard to connect in relationships because it's like we are a mind that owns a body, while most people are bodies. Most people just aren't spending the insane time we spend on thinking and abstraction. The majority views connecting as physical intimacy, having fun, partying and such, but we crave a mental intimacy, like a merging of two databases - where we share what we're thinking, and compare it with what someone else has been thinking. If you enter a relationship where someone just couldn't be bothered with what you've been thinking about, there's no connection for either of you. You want to spend all your time reading Schopenhauer and programming, you wake up with a mission, they wake up wanting to feel good, to spend time going out on dates. This ends up with a relationship where they feel like they're dating a spy, because the INTJ is always doing something in complete isolation with headphones on. The INTJ seems reluctant to do "relationship" things with them, go out in public, even though the INTJ considers that time spent as a huge gift for the partner because they sacrificed valuable time to do it... Relationships typically end when that dynamic appears. It only works if you sacrifice your true motivations to appease your partner because you value them even if you don't like taking time away from your thing. Another way it could work is if you find another INTJ INTP/etc. that really understands you, which is what I thought romance was, two people who understand each other, heading towards a goal, but together, where the priority isn't entertainment but just getting along and sharing company while you both read books or chase a dream - incredibly rare, but it would be ideal. For the slightly unhealthier INTJ's, they just swallow some occasional loneliness while charging forward and dedicating life to interests. Regardless, it's very interesting experiencing this narrow slice of existence, and no doubt whatever we choose to do will definitely be a unique experience.

[@BuizelCream]

I resonate with this a lot. I'm not yet in my 30s, but I had already realized long ago why as an individual I'm so disinterested in dating and finding a partner due to knowing that people don't find relationships primarily through mental intimacy, but physical intimacy. There are other irl factors ofc that eventually made me feel like I wanna spend the rest of my 20s and most likely majority of my 30s being single to capitalize on the freedom that I have now due to growing up in a family who restricted my life to follow their plans, and other life experiences that unfortunately was all cult-like. Despite all that though, I do feel like my heart is hopelessly swayed into love with a particular person because of how that individual values me and my feelings (Fi) and how he looks up to my skills and career (Te & Se), but unfortunately I do see signs of struggling when he's trying to keep up with my Ni passionate ramblings, and I'm wary about this because I know my feelings do get affected when I don't feel like my Ni is being valued enough since I'm an INTJ. It's just a need. Hopefully, it can be worked out, but I guess time will tell on my end.

[@justcallmejon22]

You did an amazing job expressing our struggle! I feel like I'm missing things in my video now 😅

[@hineewinee]

As an INFP, this is the kind of relationship I'm looking for!

[@sylviaowega3839]

I’m actually that INTP, whom for asked out with the INTJ with whom I am still married to now. When he showed interest, I was incipiently quite hesitant to date him, as I was not interested in dating at the time, and was sick and tired of guys that were only interested in my body, and not willing to make any kind of of commitment. Most were uninteresting, carried way too much emotional baggage and far too emotional for me. Thankfully for both of us I decided to give him a chance, instead of friend-zoning him. My INTJ also seemed surprisingly lively for an introvert, and notice he has the intelligence and serious that I was looking for, and didn’t have loyalties issues like with the other MBTI types.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm always happy to hear about your successful relationship with an INTJ. We really are lively once we're comfortable with a person and it's always nice to hear from someone other than an INTJ. As always, I'm rooting for your marriage ❤

[@FlyUEx]

infp here.. You need to know something: as a infp who is now quite mature (41) and deep on the self development path, I do hear your words loud and clear! I had dated intj in my 20s and ..as you with your infp relationship, we also broke up cause of my moaning and emotional vent and not doing much action abut myself..- he just grew tired of that. That relationship was my true love,though. Today, i so wish i could have been different back then and see things from his point of view and how that affected him.. but hey, we all learn. All I can say, don't lose hope. women who are older, even the feelers, do mature and get their T function in the right spot. All the best for you, really appreciated your video. Thank you for sharing it.

[@justcallmejon22]

It's sad to hear that your relationship didn't work out and it shows maturity not to bash the INTJ for what you realized to be your own shortcomings. A relationship goes both ways so I'm sure he's responsible for a lot of the reason why it ended. Thank you for telling your truths and I haven't given up yet, I don't think I ever will 🙂

[@meganlyons9908]

Looking back, What would you encourage an infp to try differently with themselves or with an intj to head in a more balanced direction?

[@missphilosophie]

Ive happily met my ENTJ. He's the only man to understand me ever. Including my own family. He's a breath of fresh air after resigning myself to being alone after leaving my ESFP ex-husband (i met him before i knew MBTI, never again). I feel very fortunate and very understood finally ❤

[@justcallmejon22]

Happy you found your loverboy ❤

[@SreyesSrinivasan]

What you said about how Te can be just as kind as Fe is so true And as a fellow INTJ, explaining my unbalanced relationships with INFJs in my life just clicked when you mentioned them not validating your Fi Honestly your videos are so so comforting, pls keep uploading and I really hope you'll be able to find your special someone 💙

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you my friend and I hope your relationship with the INFJ improves ✊

[@coldxois]

I am so happy that you got a large amount of people following you and your videos, i remember when it was less people, i hope you find love in your life, im 38 so it is a hell finding someone when you are reaching your 40s

[@justcallmejon22]

Of course I remember you man! I hope you and your child are both doing well 🙂

[@mumm-ratheeverliving3138]

Here’s the thing. Thinking back on a horrible marriage that lasted for waaaay too long…. Even in that relationship, it was one of the loneliest experiences of my life. Now that I’m single, I’m appreciating the peace that comes with the loneliness. It took a while, especially when being completely trampled for so long. Hang in there, thanks for sharing. Definitely a lot to chew on in here.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm sad that your marriage ended but I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place now. What you said about being lonely in a relationship is why I'm okay with being single 🙂

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

My intj brother I appreciate you being vulnerable with the rest of us. It is important for our particular type to express our emotions because we are seeing as not having any. I had a ride or die infp 4 Wing 5 and I'm an intj 5 Wing 6 on the surface I think it looks like you met somebody that's exactly like you and who doesn't love themselves what you need to practice my friend is what is called Shadow work essentially it's doing the complete opposite of what you normally do so if you like to stay home instead of going out guess what you have to go out and if you'd like to stay silent and not talk to people guess what you need to make 5 minute friends do it in places where you don't ever go and you're never going to see them again but if you just happen to meet somebody cool get their phone number send them a text. People pay thousands of dollars to learn how to do this I kind of figured it out on my own

[@justcallmejon22]

Congrats on finding an INFP! I appreciate the advice and I force myself to be social even when I don't want to. It's a slow process engaging with Se, but I refuse to have a weakness so you can find me out and about with a purpose 🙃

[@SalvatorePellitteri]

Are you kidding me? I can't believe how much of what you said reflect my situation, 90% of what you described I can feel like I had the same experience.

[@marekczesc1982]

Yeah he nailed it. I'm about to be 43 and essentially have been single my whole life despite being a great catch. My alone time needs are an anchor. Dating is a skill I've never mastered. I put it up there with algebra.

[@justcallmejon22]

You're not alone my INTJ sibling ✊

[@amaya_lis]

This video is valuable to me and am thankful of you sharing publicly for us to fall back on when understanding the depth of our INTJs authentically. I also agree to what you shared for an example, “why is that you’re favorite color?” Many get offended or gave me a vague reply like, “cuz that’s what girl/boys like.” I’m also not purposely analyzing for advantage, it’s natural for me to get to know people at deeper level and like you said, you have my attention. You’re videos in the channel helped me tremendously and I am thankful for KZbinrs like you to publicly share 😭

[@justcallmejon22]

Always happy to hear that my videos are making a difference 😀

[@real.mariam]

Thank you for making this video. Loved your perspective. This was definitely eye-opening for me as an INFJ female.

[@justcallmejon22]

Happy to hear it. Let's grow together 🙂

[@Sukunabhaiya]

As an INTJ respect for you to share your personal feelings out there as full of vulnerability and potential flashbacks from past partners ,,,,you are one of my sets of personality i admire

[@angelaf6688]

Wow, powerful video, thanks for putting yourself out there. Your words hit home, and I can say the self-analysis loop you go through, you're not alone. Silver lining though, one of the INTJ superpowers is not dwelling much. Please share any golden nuggets of wisdom on how to manage and upgrade Fi to not be such a cripling defect at times.

[@justcallmejon22]

It's always a nice feeling know that I'm not alone...is this Fe?! I'm still trying to figure out my Fi so stay tuned on my video on how to improve it 😊

[@sonalsharma2612]

Thanks for all that you share, Jon. I think we INTJs always strive to be understood better. I often mull over the same questions you posed in this video.

[@justcallmejon22]

Arrived to any conclusions yet?

[@johnphamlore8073]

To be blunt, this video isn't about a dating problem for a certain personality type. It is a commitment problem. When is good enough, good enough. The moral of the story is don't turn down a good person who is available and a good fit, because they just don't come around that often.

[@GRACIE342]

Thank you for sharing. I loved listening to you, I do not think you are the problem. You just havent found the right person yet. I wish you the bestest!

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you so much 🙏

[@tobias-stein]

HI Jon, thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions. Hope you are doing better now. I haven't been in many relationships, but the one that "broke" me was also with an INFJ. I am 35 as well and this break--up is almost one year in the past now. I am still thinking a lot about her and what I learned for this relationship. I fell it would be so much easier hating her and just leave this behind, but as you said yourself we INTJs cannot do this. So my resolve is to honer her memories (she's not dead) and will always use it as an reminder. I certainly did grow a loth the past year and I am very proud of the better version I became. It seems like your still grieving, so don't let yourself down. It is ok to be sad and feel all the emotions, being vulnerable is powerful. Hang in there, the right person surly comes ;) Best, Tobs

[@justcallmejon22]

I appreciate the support my brother, I still have hope that we'll find our forever person soon ✊

[@apushman]

I agree that us INTJs really do care about people, we are simply not vocal about it and express it in another way. We think about a person's problem/ feelings and try a way to solve the issue. If someone posts something on social media, everyone will say something to make the poster to feel better. Us INTJ instead think of a way to help them instead of saying empty words. We are viewed as heartless at first meanwhile we try to help the person behind the scenes or tell the person directly in private. No one will know that we are doing something for the person unless someone else actually sees our action.

[@justcallmejon22]

No one needs to know, the problem just needs to be fixed and the person just has to be in a better state 🙃

[@gabrielnadia1085]

If you know that what you are doing is helping somebody who can not recognize your intent beside looking heartless, why don't you state it before??? Like: "I know you are having this rough, Can I help and give my two cents? You should consider this and that. Hope that helped!" Acknowledge, help, reinforce acknowledging.😊

[@epyon02alpha42]

First and foremost, thank you for sharing brother. As an INTJ those opening 7 minutes felt like I was having a real conversation and break down with, well myself lol. You out here spitting facts especially when it comes to INTJ 'code switching' based on the social environment we're in being so second nature it is almost like the primary plan if the environment isn't agreeing with us. Blend in, don't draw attention, discreetly exit when you see an opportunity. As I'm going through my own struggles right now, which honestly felt like they came out of nowhere and I'm still trying to figure out how my partner and I got here but due to low communication right now that's a practice in running a hamster wheel and expecting to get somewhere meaningful, everything you said resonated a lot. I hope you're healing well from your recent separation. Also, funny enough what the younger generations call "settling" I saw as early as my 20s as a successful indication of a functioning relationship. Needless to say, I SUPER sucked at dating when I was younger cause I was already looking into the future of, "how do I get to that point?" and that was not what a lot of women in that age range even wanted to entertain. Also in regard to lesson 2, consciously KNOWING I'm going to have to suppress my strongest function to just appear "not creepy" to a potential partner is another reason I'm hoping I get whatever broke worked out, cause I'm an old dog and that would definitely feel like a step backward.

[@justcallmejon22]

Always happy to hear from you brother! I hope you get through whatever you're going through with your partner but it sounds like you're taking the right steps if maintaining the relationship is the goal. I've learned a lot from my failed relationships but I'm not jaded because every relationships will make me a better person for when the right person comes along. It's not a matter of who, it's just a matter of when, and I'm willing to wait for it 🙂

[@gabrielnadia1085]

I am ENFP(w) and in love with INTJ(m). I encourage his outwardness, goofiness and he helps me putting goals and stay grounded. I tell things the way they are and he loves that I never lie neither caress his ego. I challenge him😂 He is the best of ALL men on earth and needed to see he was enough. No INTJ don't think they are perfect contrary to what we see. They compensate their fear of rejection/abandonment by building walls around them that are so hard to break. But they can not resist truth, love and self joke. Edited to add: And time for themselves ! Granted I NEVER get bored by myself.

[@justcallmejon22]

Congrats on finding an INTJ! It sounds like you're both doing great together and I'm happy for the two of you. Take care of him for us please 🙂

[@TEAMHYBRID007]

I'm reaching the end of the video and you're pretty much nail on the head straight to the point I can concur with a lot of the information that's being portrayed you're talking about being narcissistic I do not think this is the case I think we are more authentic and when you run into somebody that's narcissistic they hate the fact that you are a truth-teller and you will see what narcissism truly looks like. Be your true self follow your own path do what makes you feel comfortable everyday but sometimes you don't use a muscle it's called atrophy then you start exercising it and you become better than you were when you started keep up the good work bring positivity into the people that you meet every day Inspire hope and set a good example for the rest you will slowly but surely see a benefit🎉

[@justcallmejon22]

I agree 💯. One of the beauty of having Fe Blind is that it usually doesn't affect me when those words are thrown around. A double edged benefit of being an INTJ 😅

[@katnipkatnips]

Hi Jon, thanks for baring your heart here. Really appreciate your Ni, it's evident here. I hope you find what you are looking for and some years later, you would be talking how you finally have the answer to these questions why those relationships didn't work out and be completely happy. Cheering for you.

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you, my friend ❤️

[@smilesmile1237]

I love this video, I'm also INTJ and even your comment responses provide me learning opportunity.^^

[@justcallmejon22]

I appreciate the support 🙏

[@feicchi]

Hi Jon, thank you for sharing and being honest with your thoughts and feelings. I relate to everything you said. As an INTJ woman (32), sometimes I feel like I'll end up single forever. I have accepted if that's gonna be my fate. I also ended a relationship with an INFJ a year ago. That one scarred me the most out of all my relationships. I remember begging and voicing out my FI but it was ignored to the point that I backed out on our marriage 2 days before the date. I felt like I wasn't heard, I felt like other people were the priority and not me. I have not regretted my decision one bit because I could see myself miserable in the future if we got married. I am happy where I am right now. I have learned so much after the breakup and realized that I can never escape nor ignore my Fi. I am seeing an ENTJ and it's going really well so far. I hope that it will blossom into something in the future but, I am not getting my hopes up. I am always looking forward to your videos!

[@justcallmejon22]

I always appreciate your comments! I'm sad to hear that your engagement didn't work out but I'm happy to hear that you listened to your Fi. It's better to end it now than to end it later. Congrats on finding an ENTJ, they really are one of the only types that understands and appreciate an INTJ for who we are ❤

[@hanfei6871]

I am a male INFP and when I confessed my feelings for my INTJ girl, and she cried after a brief moment. I did not acknowledge her tears (I really wanted to, but it was such an intense moment that I couldn't address internally in time as well) and taken a step back for her to find composure. I did respond to her tearful comments in a calm and detached but assuring manner since - I am very aware that INFP can smother the heck out of an INTJ. Really hope I didn't make a mistake; our boundaries are still platonic, but I can tell that we have become much more intimate after the incident.

[@Grimilliana]

Cute

[@justcallmejon22]

Take your time. The INTJ will have no hesitation letting you know that she's not interested in you. Keep doing what you're doing and I hope the best for the both of you ❤

[@shillout]

Hey there, always love your videos. I actually wish you could make a video to evaluate your experiences with INFJs (yes I'm totally being egoistic here). I just keep seeing all these videos on how "spiritual, special, deep, guiding listeners" we are. I believe that actually could be harming for younger INFJs to keep watching, just because of how disconnected we are with our Fi. It's a bit like portraying INTJs as the Masterminds, totally ignoring our weaknesses. I wish we could get to hear others truths based on their real interactions with us, get that smack in the face to be able to truly look at ourselves, and I believe you could do that in a good way. I know you have been touching on it before, but that was just a friendly punch 😏 Yes the truth can hurt, but we need help to evolve and you know it. Maybe someday you would consider it, it might benefit you in some way too? Learning that we might be hurting the ones we love unintentionally hurts us more than doing it directly. (It's crazy how we think we are so selfless but just look at that sentence) 🤦‍♀️

[@conniedavis3783]

I (INFJ) would that too

[@justcallmejon22]

I always appreciate the support! I'll consider making that video but I'm more against it at the moment since my channel is focused on uplifting the MBTI community. It'll be made if I figure out how to keep a positive tone through out the video 😅

[@shillout]

@justcallmejon22 Yes that's what I was thinking too, it's not an easy thing to talk about while making it sound at least ok. But I hope you will find a way that suits you, I would love to hear anything you have to say.

[@OksanaHavryliuk-t7z]

​@@justcallmejon22it might be even more useful for INFJs, then all good words together. Because, relationships with INTJs feel really magical and it's such a big loss when two Ni doms fail to find a way to connect. This INFJ would very much appreciate your insights on this matter!🙏🙏

[@carol-lo]

You are so truthful to what you say, totally agree with you.

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for listening and commenting 🙏

[@ЛюдмилаШевченко-л4ы]

I'm an ENFP, admiring INTJs. Thanks for sharing! It's exciting 2 get into ur mind. Wish u peace 🙌

[@justcallmejon22]

Good luck ENFP ✊

[@joshuamorris4853]

I can't even begin to express how it feels to hear someone who also feels grief at timelines that will never exist. It hurts so bad.

[@justcallmejon22]

You're not alone in that feeling, my friend ✊🏼

[@web_jar6630]

This is an extremely valuable video for me (an INTJ-T male). I sincerely thank you for sharing your experiences and how you feel. It's just a random and honest thought- maybe try to not pursue love at all. Sometimes we need ourselves more than anyone else, you know....

[@justcallmejon22]

I don't pursue my relationships, oddly enough, they always come to me. I just keep the doors open😅

[@web_jar6630]

@@justcallmejon22 Surprisingly this is also what I have experienced. For some reason it doesn't work for me when I try to pursue romantic relationships. It's always the case that I'm busy with something important and I'm trying to focus on my project when it appears unexpectedly. It's very confusing to me 😵‍💫

[@faeriemae]

You really hit the nail on the head on a lot of points. It's just too taxing mentally to actively seek anybody out especially when you are looking for very specific things in a partner... and it's just very hard overall. I have been single for two years and during that time I have been working on myself (I got promoted twice in '23, yayy!) and feeding my hobbies and special interests. I know I am probably hurting myself the longer I wait but just starting over is deteriorating and reopening up to someone overall feels draining even thinking about. You are absolutely correct at the end... if you cant stand to be alone at the end of the day then you aren't fit to be in a relationship. I learned that the hard way. I wish you the best luck and all the happiness in the new year!

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for being honest and the best of luck for you this year as well 🎊

[@iloveGod1105]

Jon, YOU are such a blessing and a whole gem!!! 💛💛💛 Thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom and being so brave! I'm so sorry that things have been so difficult for you, but I admire how brave you are to take us on this journey with you and for how you are trying to help others too! We love you and you are so so special! If you ever want a new friend, please let me know and I'll share my email. I love making friends! 💛

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for the kind words! I'll make sure to reach out if I feel like I need someone to connect with 🙂

[@iloveGod1105]

@@justcallmejon22 Absolutely! ☺️

[@Revna_Engel]

First, thank you for having the courage to share your ideas with us. It's fascinating to get an insight into how other types see the world, process their thoughts/emotions, and (most importantly for me at least) understand what introverted intuition truly means. We INFPs need a good 30+ years to "fully bake" before we're ready to truly date.

[@justcallmejon22]

INFPs are perfect the way you are! I'm still waiting to meet an INFP that's around the same age as me because I'm curious to see how they developed (INFPs outside of my social circle) 🙂

[@Revna_Engel]

@@justcallmejon22 Gosh, I was a disaster when I was in my teens and twenties. But now that I'm in my mid-40s, I can hardly tell if I'm a well developed ISTJ or INFP (and it doesn't help that I'm a 5w4). I hope you find someone who is perfect for you. I guess I just said it so that you don't give up hope on us because we're a bit ya know when we're young.

[@MohamedOsama-ev3ck]

that was so helpful im an intj in my 20s and watching you made me realise alot of negative mistakes that iHAVE and can fix so i will work on improving them . pardon my english too its my second language.. love you

[@justcallmejon22]

Your English is perfect! Learn from my mistakes my INTJ brother, we will continue to grow together ✊🏼

[@tile-maker4962]

Even at 35 you are having the same issue I am having. I am 31. But you do what I do, project what is ideal Ni for the purposes of future security. You have to learn to let go. Your life is not written in stone and when you start to realize you are free from expectation, someone comes your way. On the outside, we cry like school girls but on the inside, it is a foiled plan. This is why I stopped learning to expect an outcome and start living in the outcome. It makes you better over time.

[@justcallmejon22]

I agree that you shouldn't expect a specific outcome while dating but I'm also aware that I can't help but make predictions about our future together. It sounds like you're in a better place than I am in dating and I hope it continues to stay that way, my friend ✊

[@MindDrifter_Ed]

Goodness, thanks for being so open. This is perhaps the best video on the topic told by an INTJ. I came here with a purpose of understanding my INTJ friend the best I can. Being an INFJ, I am now worried about this Fi-ignoring stuff. Because, on the contrary, I am trying so hard to be gentle with her, as I perceive her heart being like that of an innocent child. I want to cradle it and keep it safe. But the problem is, she expresses so little of her Fi that I just don't know how to do that. With no feedback, I feel like being unarmed. So please could you tell more about INFJ's ignoring your Fi? As I'm dreading to make such a mistake while at the same time I don't fully understand what to pay attention to within myself to avoid making it. And of course I wish you to find your forever person. I think the key thing here is for both people to just decide, in their maturity and full awareness, to stay, to be with each other despite any difficulties. Just to decide this one thing but in its fullest. Express this determination to each other and then set off through the thick and thin of life together, with understanding and compassion. Because I believe that this beauty that people tend to see in each other in the beginning of their relationship is not some delusion or a non-existing ideal of the person. No. I think it is the most real, most true image of a human being. We all should see each other like this and love each other like this. But we can't. The image becomes dirty and muddy with time. Yet the beauty is still there. It's just our own hearts get covered with more and more dust so that we lose our ability to see like we did before. We should remove the dust from our hearts, and we will be able to see all that beauty again.

[@justcallmejon22]

I appreciate you learning more about your friend to become a better friend yourself. The issue is that our Fi doesn't seek to be cradled or treated like something to protect, it just needs to be respected. As counter-intuitive as this may sound, if you put too much effort into caring for our Fi, it makes us uncomfortable because our Fi values your Fi-value. By not showing us what you care about even if it's opposite of ours, how do we know that you actually care about us or just putting up an act? It spirals into those moments when we are vocal and not being listened to because Fe doesn't think it's important. There's a lot to it but my best advice to take care of your INTJ is to just be there when you're needed. We will come to you if we need you.

[@MindDrifter_Ed]

@@justcallmejon22 Thank you for your reply Jon. The advice you gave me just now and the information you share in your videos are so valuable. Thank you again for your guidance. I will do my best.

[@axel15forever]

Thank you Jon for this wonderful insight, I understand that this was a hard video for you, your work is very appreciated. As an ENTP attempting to romance an INTJ that doesn’t understand the purpose of relationships, this has been a great explanation of how I may need to proceed.

[@justcallmejon22]

Good luck ENTP, take care of the INTJ for us 🙏

[@juliegracet]

I'm a female INTJ currently dating a male INFJ, been almost a year since knowing each other. Progress was fast but so is reality. It's quite rocky now and really unpredictable how or when it will end. But one thing is for sure, he's the best guy I ever loved and the guy who understood me the most, and maybe the reason I'm still holding on despite everything. But I'm almost at my limits too. So, IDK. Just leaving this here to comfort myself. But man, I appreciate your content. Thanks for being brave and sharing your thoughts. ❤

[@justcallmejon22]

I hope things work out for the best ❤

[@aiuchiha111]

So much of what you said here is so relatable to me. 😅 After 3 hours of socialising, I need a whole week to get rid of that cranky and snappy state that extraversion put me in.

[@ragsansally6343]

Tbh the last few unscripted minutes hit home really 😢. Its just just so relatable to me whatever you mentioned. I am okay with it may be I am not happy. Its always my emotions which run on a bullet train and I never found a way to express them. And after not watching this video for almost 7 months because dude I was happy single and I didn't wanted to date anyone or as you said I was not ready for it. But now I think it's the right time for me to watch it when I needed it the most. Thanks dude really. You made me realise that sometimes what makes me happy doesn't makes me at peace and I would prefer my peace at any cost.

[@justcallmejon22]

I understand, my INTJ sister. What keeps me hopeful that I'll find someone is when I receive comments from other INTJs that have found their forever person. If they can find that person, so can we. I'm hoping the best for you ✊

[@sl33pyTea]

Thank you for being vulnerable Jon. I hope you find what you’re searching for.

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you 🙏

[@dolarich]

Whoa just watched 2 of your videos, so honest, absolutely loving it, this is so like my intj friend who I help out with his love life. It's all bout following that Fi and staying true to your heart!! Believe in it and don't prepare for the downfall, prepare only for the upfall!!

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you brother, I appreciate the kind words 🙏

[@colleenmitchell5208]

Great video good for you. Being alone is not lonely it's peaceful. Only when you can be happy with yourself can you be happy with a partner.

[@justcallmejon22]

💯

[@known8049]

An INFJ who is currently in a long distance relationship with an INTJ. I want to understand my INTJ partner in a deeper level. When we first started dating, he would rarely talk about his feelings. And like you said, INTJs are not the ones who like to express their emotions openly and my significant other is like that too. It took some time when he tried to open up to me about his feelings and i encouraged him when he did. I'm always patient with him for his need for space. I never try to force him to express himself. And since then he has become more open to me and is still learning to open up. Thank you so much man, you really helped me when i needed it. Your videos helped me to correct the mistakes i was making. And I hope you will find someone you deserve one day ❤❤❤

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you, for taking the time to understand your INTJ partner ❤

[@abhishekmahur2662]

My first love was with an INFP, started at when I was 16. Continued for 6-7 years, but it didn't end well. I felt suffocated and lost my energy and ambitions. I was extremely loyal throughout but I always use to feel that she needs to work on herself for her lazy attitude. In those times I was blamed for being emotionless, cold hearted and careless. But truly it was the opposite but I couldn't express myself. I used to feel I've the problem until I landed on MBTI. It was a relief to know about myself and my INTJ traits. It took me sometime to heal and come out from that low zone after heartbreak. I'm 27 now struggling from analysis loop of a date happened almost a year ago where I rushed into things in contrast of my usual just to give it a chance once. Although, I got the intuition that she's not the one but for once I took the risk of going against my intution only to come to learn that it's never a good idea to take chances in matters related to heart even though I can myself believe the opposite.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out with the INFP but I'm happy to hear that you've learned from the experience. We'll keep trekking on together, my friend ✊

[@steak8687]

I'm a female INTJ in my 20s. At 25:38 is literally the same problem I had with my ex. Thank you for making this video, I finally... feel less bad.

[@justcallmejon22]

You're not alone ✊

[@j.thorgard]

10:45 I am an ENFJ and do the same thing without being perceived as psychoanalysis and as you know people don't like to be diagnosed. My tip for you is to let them own their realisation; would you agree that diagnostic evaluation is your way of understanding the world and sharing insights is your way of showing care? You are probably giving subtle clues of diagnosing them without even noticing, the solution is to depersonalise your observations eg. "It sounds like you enjoy family time" vs "I can tell you enjoy family time". Notice it's also a statement that invites an answer, which helps break up the onslaught of questions that can be perceived as an interrogation. Hope it helps. Thank you for your authentic videos that show the full spectrum of INTJ, please keep sharing your insights, they're appreciated.

[@justcallmejon22]

You ENFJs are so sneaky, I love it! I swear my ENFJ friends have slowly made me a more gentle person over time and I'm not even aware of it 😂

[@smilesmile1237]

lol I'm also INTJ and I was just talking to a girl and she suddenly asked why I'm asking those questions :D Edit: Since this stopped our smalltalk I was about to tell her: To continue our smalltalk and answer my question, you have three different options. (then provide her a list of smalltalk options) 😆

[@siegniteyt1096]

Finally, someone talking who is real INTJ. Your thought process is almost the same with mine. I realized that my Fi is holding me back all along. It's our defense mechanism rather than weakness. That's where things all become sensitive just as you said that we put layers to protect it. For me, how they treat my Fi is my deal breaker than Ni. Ni is just how I perceive the world, how I learn things, how I forsee the outcome, and how I trace the root cause of the problem.

[@justcallmejon22]

People will claim they are open minded until they are faced with an opinion that goes against their own. Auntie Fi is our moral compass and will continue to protect us as long as we let her ✊

[@milah368]

Thank you for being vulnerable🌿 (You don't appear 35) have you joined masterminds about what your Fi values? I have noticed that paid for X skill to flourish led to know people that want to grow as a person too (I haven't decided to date yet, I want to cultivate soft skills before that) I can see your uncertainty and I really wish you the best. Being a Ni dom sometimes it is crippling to live, because being "unique" sometimes means you can't easily "be normal", which menas you can't with the people you want just because you decide to and that leds to a dark path if not careful. I hope this situation resolves and you can find a wonderful soul as yourself 🍀

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for the encouragement and support! My soft skills are pretty developed but I'll take a look at the group you mentioned.

[@milah368]

@@justcallmejon22 good luck🍀 this year and next I am not enrolling in any kind of educational program that doesn't have any community interaction (+good client service, ofc) Information is good, but I have to get out and live, byt at the same time Te is strong, so yes. Joining programms is a good solution for me. I did some but they were online with 0 human interaction and they were good, but if I want to evolve faster, I have to push the comfort zone. So, yes good luck🍀

[@cristianouzumaki2455]

Thanks for sharing with us. Very helpful

[@justcallmejon22]

✊

[@marekczesc1982]

Yes, we *are* the problem. Definitely takes me time to care deeply about someone and by the time that happens I'm already in the friend zone.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm right there with your my INTJ brother ✊

[@kimtopology4257]

It's usually the case when your not looking for a relationship it comes looking for you Synchronicity is a real concept Carl Jung was a firm believer in this concept the earth speaks to us or nudges us to be at a certain place and you meet the love of your life it will happen when you least expect it .

[@justcallmejon22]

How long I gotta wait?!! 😂

[@kimtopology4257]

If you want to make this a reality that will be your driving force Ni Te I believe that there is a reason for everything I have been in a few relationships when I wasn't looking for them if this is your desire the universe will speak to you through people or situations I know your skeptical I was too but something clicked we are all interconnected if it happened to me why would it be any different for you ? @@justcallmejon22

[@Snail-f7j]

As an INFP who just broke off their first, long-term relationship and is having a lot of the same thoughts; I felt that. I was dating someone with Fe and I agree. I just felt like after a while, I didn't really matter. Honestly I felt like my services (car, time, man-power) were being rented out to my partner's friends without my consent. At the same time, I felt like my biggest asset was going completely unappreciated. But they weren't a bad person. They were doing everything in their power to keep me happy, I just realized that they would be breaking their backs trying to meet my needs, and they would only ever be half met. The other thing is that I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that no one is ever going to fully meet my needs. It sounds stupid, but as an idealist, that's painful to arrive at. I'm also aware that I have some major challenges in relationships which will either be extraordinarily painful to face and which may end up sabotaging a lot of relationships to come. Even though my life is a mess in every aspect, and I am still hurting and spooked by my last relationship, reconnecting with my authentic self and who I am when I am alone is a breath of fresh air. I may be broken in some ways, but I have cultivated a psyche that makes it wonderful to be alive sometimes. Watching you struggle with the same things made me realize that finding a lasting connection is a universal struggle, and also that that's life. It's bittersweet in a way, because it's so profoundly human.

[@justcallmejon22]

One of the only person that I feel fully understands my pain in dating is an INFP friend of mine. We're both so different on the outside but we both want the same thing internally. I'm not sure what you went through during your previous relationships but I want to echo what you said, it's bittersweet to know that I'm not the only person struggling to find a meaningful relationship ✊

[@75V37K4]

Sometimes I think that internet algorithms can actually read my mind, lol. Every time I go through hard times one of your videos pops up in my feed. And yeah, it hits hard. Every time. It's something in between a hurt and a relief. I've been heard and understood, I'm not alone, I'm 100% in-cannon XD So thank you for what you're doing, Jon.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm hoping for the best and that you get through whatever struggle that you're experiencing at the moment 🙏

[@aishanusoul]

Single female intj 37 yr old here. I dont want to date i feel good alone but i want to have someone eventually , the RIGHT one who is healthy, kind, patient etc.

[@justcallmejon22]

I feel you, my INTJ sister. The right person will come, we just have to be open to the opportunity when it happens 🙂

[@christinaguzman3561]

I took the test im an infj. I had a situation with a intj i believe. No concrete data tho. I noticed he needed space evertime it got to emotionally close to me. He seemed overwhelmed. For me my emotions are what tells me im alive. I understand his allone time was valuable and i appreciate he chose me to be his company. I just wanted to bake the guy some heart shaped cookies. To get creative when it came to my love for him. He was admite about not wanting a girlfriend. He didn't have time not even for himself. I felt expressing love to much. Would just overwhelm him. I don't doubt he knows himself. I just started to feel apathetic now that he is becoming more closer to me emotionally. I have to revaluate the boundaries he himself set up. I dont push Because i want him to be honest and athentic. Only then can i really relax and feel secure. Reality is everything he has shown me is that when it comes to emotions Its unstable. He knows it . No need to tell him.

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

I'm an INFP but I can somehow totally relate with what you said. I'd say I'm a bit more open when it comes to expressing emotions, though

[@justcallmejon22]

INFPs are the cutest, I don't doubt your guy's ability to court someone 😅

[@leedlbagginshield8492]

@@justcallmejon22 Dated an intj and I never met a person that I could relate to so much on a spiritual and mental level but who at the same time, was very different when it comes to emotions. If I’ll ever settle down with someone, it will probably be with an INxJ type or another INFP. Cannot imagine anyone else who gets me on such a deep level and is also a weird loner.

[@alezay75]

I usually don’t come across video’s that is relatable but I relate completely and at one point I felt very vulnerable. I appreciate your honesty.

[@justcallmejon22]

I hope you're in a better place than I am 🙂

[@alezay75]

@@justcallmejon22 I am sorry hear that.

[@kd7334]

I appreciate how you didn't generalize as if ALL INTJ's are this way. Although, I agree with you and realize I'm not weird, just different.

[@justcallmejon22]

Different, but in a good way 😊

[@ameliadeshane9192]

I appreciate everything you shared.

[@MrRager1996]

Once you let go of it all, freedom begins and Te shines. I'm a proud single INTJ hermit crab 🦀

[@ssll8232]

Aww Mr. Crab 🦀

[@MrRager1996]

That metaphor works in so many ways because I'm also crabby. I'll pinch you like one 🦀 🤣

[@ssll8232]

@@MrRager1996 Don’t pinch me Mr. Crab… I’m an INFP 🥲

[@MrRager1996]

@@ssll8232 I don't pinch my favorite people and they all happen to be INFP

[@ssll8232]

@@MrRager1996 INTJs are my favourite crabs haha 🦀

[@TPGFGchannel]

As an INTJ, you are not the problem! Although I totally get how you feel! People are all gray/grey areas, we're morally grey. We can make good/white choices or bad/black choices, that have the power to determine the course of our life and others. We are all people who are looking for a type of unconditional love. I also think that the love we want is one that will love us no matter what. So thank you so much for this video! You don't know how this has touched me and impacted me, being a single INTJ, hearing parts of your story. Might be off topic, but I think God does exist and that it's the most fulfilling thing ever to be single as an INTJ knowing that I have a relationship with the being who created me. I would definitely encourage you to seek Him out if you're curious about it. It's the best decision you'll ever make and it's a journey, it's also a relationship and doesn't necessarily have to be considered as a religion. Although it usually fits into that category, like there are tons of religions out there. Anyway, I know you didn't ask, but I'm gonna come out and say! > < you remind me of Paul from the Bible and he's definitely someone who reminds me of an INTJ. Some info about him: he stayed single all of his life, even though he thought marriage was important and beneficial. Don't know if he ever considered it for himself, maybe? idk... From what I've read about him, he was a phenomenal dude in the things he did and places he traveled for God to be recognized and praised. He even wrote to a church, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength..." I say all this to say, I'm very inspired by Paul, and you as well because kind of remind me of him. Of course, I feel the same about myself, like, maybe I'm meant to be single all my life? because in most ways I almost feel built for that type of life. To travel and connect with people, to do all the things I can dream of and tell them about the opportunity to know 'God'. I even (not coincidentally) have a yellow T-shirt that says "Paul" on the back since that was a sports team I was on back in high school (at that school you didn't get the choice to pick your team they picked for you). INTJ's are at most misunderstood which is meh and they're usually alone but I love being alone!

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for the kind words. I'm sure we're both walking the path that we need to and will eventually get to a place that will make us complete. I haven't lost hope and my hope extends to you as well ❤

[@margaretchayka6878]

I'm 60 and a happy single lifer; never felt lonely, and don't understand such feelings. Had a kid, though, and raised her myself. She's also an INTJ, but more stable, and she got married.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm happy that your daughter found her forever person ❤

[@namez2a]

You should circle bad and do a video on how INTJ's process heartbreak when this one is less raw. Unfortunately Ni can be like a magnet that repells more often than it attracts just due to the proportions of type representation out there. It doesn't make you any less lovely and those of us who connect over intuition are starved of it alot of the time. That's why I always watch your videos. Also so much of the phase of life woes are so relatable. I read once that intj are less likely to let their emotions get the better of them an settle which is why infjs often marry sooner. You still have a chance to avoid alot of the complications that can dictate your circumstances and personal freedom. I could say I'd wish someone would have told me but in my case an intj actually did but I took it in the most harmful way and it backfired in the form of a bad rebound relationship just in the wrong way.

[@namez2a]

What do you make of an INTJ talking out of their a** during a breakup. Is it a bunch of hot air and what is the state this is coming from. Is their anything helpful that can be done at this point or should bystanders just duck and cover?

[@justcallmejon22]

Answering your second question first. An INTJ that just got out of a relationship will be like any other human, emotional to the point where we will say anything to make ourselves feel better. In regards to how an INTJ process a breakup, I don't think that's MBTI related but instead all the mechanism a person learns throughout life 🙃

[@the_agate_gate3782]

The different persona for different people thing is so real. Where I run into issues is when I have one person I’m close with in the group, I will end up being the “real” me, regardless of who else is there.

[@justcallmejon22]

They're going to meet that version eventually 😅

[@skeletard1234]

I am dating a 39 year old intj. He was single till 36 until I met him . I am a estp. Firstly your videos are soooooooo useful. Thank god for your videos. Secondly yes intj are sooooo difficult to be with. Takes a lot of accepting on both ends as intjs are so conventional and stubborn. I will be happy to discuss more if you need.

[@justcallmejon22]

What's the toughest part of dating an INTJ?

[@skeletard1234]

He is so stubborn and refuses to give in to any pleasantries : example buying flowers, sending me to air port. Which I have now accepted. But to everyone else it’s just weird but the key is to accept him as he is. It’s been 2.5 years we been together and we have not seen his parents yet ( also cos we live in different countries of both parents). It takes a lot of hope and patience that it will work out fine because it took 2 years for us to be together for him to say we are in a relationship and I am his girlfriend.

[@skeletard1234]

He is also not willing to share his feelings. The only thing he shares is “good”. I think on that part as an intj, you verbalisé way more :)

[@namez2a]

Now I want an example of an INFJ ignoring others Fi values. I want to cross-reference it with my experience to see if it's something I do and need to work on. Or maybe you have a susceptibility to this pattern? It's a curious thing.

[@namez2a]

Sorry if this sounds cold, just wondering the truth of why it is.

[@PlentitudeIsland]

I caught that also. I'm Infj female with Intj son. There have been times he gets very upset when he thinks I ignore his feelings. Trust me I Don't. I simply see more in a situation and, when we disagree he thinks it's because I don't care how he feels. I do with all my heart. He needs a wider understanding of why others ( and me) do as we do. I'm not choosing them (or myself) over him. I understand how this can be misunderstood and it's hard for me to explain in words to him. He's super intelligent so I'm hoping these things will eventually be understood. I think Jon also said half a sentence that makes me think this might have been what happened to him also. If it's about feelings Infj will talk it to death to get to the bottom ... thinkers have limits and will walk away angry (and unresolved). I have issues but I see a lot more than people think I do. I also leave things open to allow for future info because I reeeally hate to make mistakes in making firm judgements. 😊

[@CosmicHoneyMotherShip]

@@PlentitudeIsland+1 to this and the previous comment. Curious on how and INFj did not read/pick up on someone’s emotional needs. Totally possible, as anything is! Would just like to hear some scenarios. .

[@szasama]

I came to the comments for this info too. We (infj + intj) have been married for 28 years and I'm still not sure what this means exactly. We have conflicts, but I don't know which of these are due to me ignoring his Fi. I'd love some examples to try to learn from them.

[@namez2a]

I think the challenge I have when interacting with someone’s Fi as an Fe user is that the values seem to have less of a presence. They can be hard to identify when kept private and you are left to interpret actions to identify what they are, or if they are vocalized I’ve found that they don’t have as much of an emotional presence. It’s like the difference in understanding something between just being told it and truly understanding it. I recently had an interaction with an Fi user, probably an istj, where I witnessed a generous act of service carried out with kinda gruff mannerisms. It is kinda hard for me to dismiss the mannerisms but I can get to a place where I can logically reason that it was done out of love and even try to look for the Fi values behind it. I can totally see an Fi vs Fe exchange getting out of hand though if the Fe user won't let the more important Fi value take precedence over some off-putting behavior. The challenge is that I interact with the Fe world first as it demonstrates more of a presence in all I perceive. I know I try to make space for Fi and it helps if my loved ones can outright identify and remind me of their Fi values but it is something that is probably easier for INFJ’s to ignore since we don’t get to experience it for ourselves through the other person's shoes, and if your loved one’s ignoring you that’s a problem. It can also be harder for us to feel the sentiment due to the noise Fe creates (i.e. gruffness, etc.). I suppose both Fe and Fi can be a problem if left unchecked. An INTJ needs someone who will hold space for their values whereas an INFJ needs love communicated in a way that is natural to receive. It takes alot of development to get to this point so it would be fair that it is hard to find. If I were an INTJ who kept running into this Fe vs Fi clash I would first be patient in understanding most people are not developed to this level or practiced in this kind of dynamic. Then I would look at if “am I tangibly communicating my values?”. If yes and my values are still being ignored then I would look inward at patterns of codependency or isolation.

[@ColinLack]

I'm a 33 year old INTJ. My potential partner (we've discussed dating just neither of us is ready to date) is an ENFP. I'm definitely a tsundere. She's a deredere. She's 30 almost 31 and at minimum we work well as close friends. Also, she really understands that I NEED time to recharge and leaves me to it. She's also the only person who has gotten me to live in the moment. This video was great btw.

[@justcallmejon22]

Happy to hear that you found an ENFP that accepts you for who you are! Whatever happens, I hope you give it your all my INTJ brother ✊

[@caravue7033]

Jon, I really appreciate what you talked about in your video.

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you ❤

[@maxwellgrant7884]

This is a great video. As an INTJ man in his mid 30s I struggle with close emotional relationships and find this video relatable. Definitely an area you should please do more of as it’s definitely my biggest weakness but one if the things I want, but always seems out of grasp and I can’t figure out 👨‍🔬

[@justcallmejon22]

You just gotta put yourself out there man. As a person whose been through it, no amount of research will ever prepare you for a relationship. You just gotta learn it in real time. Good luck, my friend ✊

[@kaydegray9448]

INTJ female. Love your honesty and vulnerability. I totally relate. Wish I’d met you at your age. 😊

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you 🙂

[@jocelynleung7480]

I like how as you go through your relationships, you also go through your function stack 😊 Si-Dom lesson: “I need to be accepted for my Ni” INFP lesson: “I need to be valued for my Te” INFJ lesson: “I need my Fi to be respected”

[@justcallmejon22]

It's the easiest way to approach this video without my Fi going all over the place 🙃

[@solomonsurmounter-growth]

This is a dope video man, always coming with dope content 🔥🔥

[@justcallmejon22]

Thanks dude, keep up the hard work on your channel ✊

[@light5634]

Hey, Jon! A 34-year-okd female INFJ here. My two cents on your question about are you the problem: 1. It's a normal human question most rationally thinking people would ask themselves when they see they have a string of relationships that didn't work out, especially when the see one or more patterns. But as Ni doms we would pay more attention to this and may even fixate a bit (or more) on that. It's a puzzle after all, right? 2. Based of the experience you described, I'd say may be better paired with an NF type. If you feel most comfortable with INFJs, look for one with a decently developped Fi and also Fe that that takes into consideration her own feelings and preferences as well as those of others. It would also help if she's into MBTI. That system does wonders for our two types. Now, some personal experience to let you see why I say that. I've had probably 5 INTJs in my life - 4 girls as friends and one as girlfriend. All 5 came from really bad family situations with a lot of abuse of all sorts. Even though I valued their Ni and The great and had the otherworldly type of connection with all of them, I had to let 4 of them go. They were very immature and unhealthy. The only one I have in my life right is a friend who lives in India, I'm from Bulgaria. She's into MBTI, it's one of our favorite topics of conversation, we both work on all of our functions and exchange tips and experiences to see how we can help improve the other. I know it's not a relationship, but can see such type of friendship last for a very long time because the MBTI makes it easy for us to understand about each other things that would have others lead to arguments. I tried to be as succinct, yet helpful as I could. Hope it gives you food for though. Love all of your videos! You're doing a great job and I hope what you do reaches more and more people with time ;)

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you for both the compliment and advice. It's always difficult to hear negative stories about INTJs because I can relate to being an unhealthy version of my type. I don't use type as a basis when dating but instead, look to see if our values align. What seems to happen is that Fe users will tend to say one thing and then do another, which is inconsistent which is something that Ni-doms tend to hate. I believe a few things can be true at the same time, that I'm partially the problem and that I'm meeting incompatible partners. I'm not jaded though, every heartbreak allows me to learn more about myself. I hope the best for you and your INTJ buddy ❤

[@light5634]

@@justcallmejon22 Yes, that's an unhealthy version of Fe. Been there. I agree a few things can be true at the same time and we can experience mixed feelings and I had to learn that's ok. But it's hard for Ni to accept that. Values and compatibility are the essence for a stable basis, but we change and some relationships just end, sad as that can be. Oh, I also identify with some unhealthy facets of my type. Not pleasant. But we can look at the more developed among and see what they do. There's always room for growth. And I've been thinking we meet incompatible people to learn lessons and when we're ready, we meet the one with whom we can be until the end. All the best to you, too 🌞

[@Jap718]

I’m an INTJ (female) and this made me chuckle. All true things, but I really hope you don’t end up 40 and single lol. I don’t think you will. You’ll find your person ❤

[@justcallmejon22]

I've accepted it and it's okay 🙂

[@manonlegris7858]

I was lucky to find the right person on the first try. He was super patient and waiting until I was ready to open up. If I hadn't met him, I honestly think I would have stayed alone my whole life. I feel like I'm so different from other humans sometimes, even though honestly, I love being who I am and I wouldn't want to change for anything. It still remains difficult on a personal level for us intj

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm happy that you found your person! I know how great of a feeling it is to look at someone and realize that you're accepted as who you are 😁

[@Zach648]

This is so eye opening for me, i noticed alot of my old friends would literally truma dump all there emotional baggage into me. And because of this it would make me super uncomfortable, not only am i a (IFTJ) but im also a Scorpio Sun and Cancer Moon. So im already a super emotional person as it is, so someone emotional dumping into me as i already have my own emotional problems again makes me uncomfortable. As iv gotten older i became a good listener but i also had to tell people im not there therapist, funny thing is whenever i tried to express myself about my own problems i wouldn't even get the same treatment in return.

[@felizz12345]

Loved this video, really admire your courage to be vulnerable here.. Its pretty cool how you’ve dated alot for an INTJ 😂 This is not meant as an attack, this is me Te-ing providing unsolicited advice - I reckon you gotta learn to tolerate/sacrifice either having your Ni Te or Fi ignored by the other type. As INTJs we are perfectionists and expect the same from our partners, and I think we need to accept that we cant have it all. I also noticed youve never dated another INTJ, maybe give that a go? Although she will be very hard to find 😂 Or she might be like me - stuck in a marriage, too chicken to be single forever. Im married to an ISTP husband and oh boy the amount of patience and tolerance i have for him, i feel like im a saint, and he still thinks im selfish. He ignores ALL of my functions. He knows my Ni is weird, so he just ignores it or make jokes here and there about it, so the conversation doesnt really flow. His Ti is so stubborn that he does whatever he thinks is right and I should just be grateful for it. Opposite to the ISTJ, my ISTP husband would book hotels last minute 🙄 His inferior Fe is so blind that he has no idea what goes on in my Fi 😢 Not to mention his temper - ISTP just cant communicate properly, they express their anger by smashing things.. I need to leave this marriage.. but im so scared to be single.. and I will only leave if the perfect man asks me to leave my husband 😂 Cos id rather be married to a “housemate” than live alone 😭 I think its easier for INTJ guys to find a girl than for an INTJ girl to find a guy. Not sure about other INTJ girls, but for me, i need my man to be more intelligent and less emotional than me. Which is the main reason why I married my ISTP, cos hes so intelligent and smart in a different way, he makes up for what i lack.. but theres no mutual understanding/connection/communication. Going back to this point: “i need my man to be more intelligent and less emotional than me.” So that crosses out INFP, INFJ, ISFPs and ISFJs. Id never date an extrovert. Prob not INTP, cos dont want another inferior Fe 😂 I actually wouldnt mind an ISTJ i reckon.. a mature healthy one thats financially stable, cos like you said im in my 30s and my eggs are probably dying. P.S. all my best friends are INFP, INFJ, INTJ, ISFJ and ISFP guys, but i wouldnt marry them 😅 Life is hard hey..

[@smilesmile1237]

hi, could you leave your husband? (since the perfect man doesn't exist I decided to do it for him^^)

[@chellymarie03]

Great video! I'm so glad you decided to make this. I could really feel your emotions through this video. I don't think there is anything wrong with making a list of qualities you want to find in a person and expecting to find that. In fact many people do that and claim that they ended up finding that person (Maybe they manifest it. Who knows? 🌚). Also, you do deserve to find the person that is perfect for you. Well, nobody is "perfect", but you deserve to find someone with the qualities you're looking for. Based on what you were saying you've learned from dating the different types you mentioned, I'm wondering how the INTJ-INTJ combination would work? You would both be working with the same dominate functions and hopefully know to respect each other's Fi as well.

[@justcallmejon22]

The older I get, the more I realize that I don't want perfect; perfect sounds boring. But I know that the person I end up will be viewed as close to perfect as possible. Know a single INTJ lady?! Hook me up 😉

[@madlynlithasya]

what the heck? i was also in a situationship with an ISTJ and he was the only one that i actually felt very comfortable and grounded with. it’s real how he can actually help me be in the moment. when we stopped talking, it was the most heartbreaking moment ever.

[@justcallmejon22]

It's the Te/Fi combo. I don't think I will ever find someone else who understands loyalty to the same degress as another IxTJ 🙃

[@madlynlithasya]

@@justcallmejon22 that’s so true. us ixtj’s don’t play when it comes to love and feelings. i think one of our power is to make our loved ones know that we will always be there for them without having to express it in words.

[@sathyath84]

My Te really hope you'll give a try to an ENFJ, then report back your analysis in another video, so we can learn the insight first hand. My Ni tells me it will be extremely appreciated by fellow INTJs as it may save a lot of time to figure things out ourselves, while we may never be able to experience everything ourselves. So insights like these are so valuable. Of course my Fi also keeps telling me at the same time, that it may sound heartless to even ask you about it, but sorry, can't help it. The Fi just at the third slot. The Ni and Te still more important.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm open to dating a person of any type! I'm not trying to be but I'm not following the second half of your comment but from how I'm understanding it, never ignore your Fi 🙂

[@sathyath84]

😄Merry Xmas

[@loveyilla]

Hi i'm an ENFJ/ENTJ girly here. :) I attract a lot of INTJs because we both like intellectual conversations, but I never make it out of the talking phase with them. This is because i'm dating in my mid 20's so i'll talk to men in their mid 20's and 30's, most of these INTJ men approach dating using logic or in gaming terms "min-max" dating where they'll use minimum effort for maximum outcome-where they will date multiple women at once to use analysis and determine the best choice. But since I am ENFJ/ENTJ, i am intelligent and picky, and believe if the guy is too, he wouldn't be in a situation where he's entertaining multiple love interests. Because I am ENFJ, I still believe in "true love" and the magic of a soulmate, so I believe they cannot be the one or they would only have eyes for me from the start. Due to my ENTJ quality, I highly respect the time, money, and energy of whoever I am talking to (I won't go on a date with one guy then on another date with someone else) and get disgusted when I find out or suspect the INTJ is talking to another woman and doesn't have the same moral values that I do. I've only been in relationships where the guy made me feel like I was the only girl for him from the start even in the friendship phase. And since my mid 20's i've cut off multiple men when i see them following new girls on instagram or giving time to other women. As much as I like INTJ's and believe we would hit it off once commitment starts, by the time they are willing to share their heart I no longer want it. I'm looking for the top 2% only! ❤😂

[@QMS9224]

I just tested 90% for INTJ-a. The comment you said about enjoying alone time too much hit me. The thing is, I'm at the point now where I would genuinely rather be alone 100% of the time (29 guy btw). And I have friends and family like I could see them, but I don't want to not even a little bit. I have my work and my million hobbies and music and there's already not enough time in the day for everything. But the problem is I also really want a relationship and kids, I am from a traditional family and I am as well. But how am I supposed to meet someone if I never want to meet anyone? It's a paradox. Maybe I will try that russian bride thing 😂

[@justcallmejon22]

We're on the same boat my INTJ brother. Just keep putting yourself out there. It's going to feel like a chore but we need to find hobbies where we engage with people. Do I enjoy it? Not all the time, but there are moments that make it all worth it 😀

[@лвте]

thank you so much for sharing, it meant a lot actually made me feel understood

[@justcallmejon22]

You're not alone ✊

[@sylviaowega3839]

Jon, I’m not one that typically volunteers advice very often but will now boldly do so now. Perhaps you will be happier (or at least consider) dating an INTP. As an INTP whom has been married to an INTJ for 20+ years. For starters, we are so similar and yet so different, thus still leaving is a lot of room to grow. When you want your alone time, is being the most introverted of all the types we will welcome, and in fact we will give you more than you have bargained for. My INTJ hubby has even accused me of being “the hermit” a few times. We both greatly value logic and critical thought, albeit we approach it in a different way with our Ti here; we don’t enjoy crying, or showing our emotions -even less than the INTJ, albeit we still make ourselves vulnerable with those we care about. Our weakness, or “sore spots, is that I tend to over explain, over think, ramble on and on and make my stores too long whilst greatly irritating and tiring my INTJ’s ear; whilst he will be too rigid and structured and distrusting and dismissive of new ideas and concepts. Also very importantly, just like the INTJ, the INTP is intensely sensitive, greatly loyal; and it is for this reason that we will be hesitant to take the deep dive, -because we fall hard.

[@jasoncox5505]

I'd be curious what your Ennegram types are and what they say or indicate about compatibility. As an INTJ Ennegram 1 I've dated other Ennegram 1's that were an INFJ and ISFJ. Ultimately Fi-Fe conflict was an issue to some degree with both but less so the INFJ. The short version of Enegram 1 is perfectionist. And honestly it is hard to imagine another IxxJ that is not an Ennegram 1 putting up with our bullshit of understanding what the right way is. I am by far not an Ennegram expert. However in the realm of dating, it was intersting. And I am typing the INFJ as Ennegram 1 not tested. She is the poster child for a 1.

[@sylviaowega3839]

@@jasoncox5505 My partner is that perfectionist INTJ Enneagram 1w9 and complains a substantial amount, and for an Enneagram 5w4 like myself it gets very exhausting.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm open to dating a person of any type as long as our values align. INTPs are difficult to find in the wild but I am open to the relationship 🙂

[@sylviaowega3839]

@@justcallmejon22Now that is definitely true! We do not grow on trees. Lol

[@celestialgardens4380]

​@@justcallmejon22 absolutely right. MBTI types can successfully date any other types as long as both are mature enough to accept and appreciate each others differences.

[@Xereszone]

It might be different for you since only few INTJs are religious but in my case the only thing that help me when it comes to Fi is my faith. My quite time my prayer time. My personal time with God and my time with my fellow believer. That's where my Fi feel safe and understood.

[@justcallmejon22]

I'm happy to hear that you find solice through your faith. I'm not believer in a higher being but I see a lot of benefits in worship 🙏

[@CosmicHoneyMotherShip]

:: hug :: looking forward to seeing what growth is to come from these questions you’re asking yourself.. I’m curious if you have mentors or guides.. or any kind of counselor to support and even give you some sage wisdom when it comes to the unseen realms.

[@justcallmejon22]

Thank you! I have a lot of people that I trust to keeps me honest 😊