My Relationship Experiences as an INTJ

I hope you enjoy the video! Please feel free to speed it up. The harder something is for me to discuss, the slower I talk lol
INTJ, INTJ Female, Relationships, Story time, New Creator, Myer Briggs, 16 Personalities

[@Nicholas.Rogala]

I'm so sorry. The gentile heart of an INTJ is wrapped in plate armor for a reason. I hope you find what you are looking for. So say we all.

[@joubertrouret2769]

SO SAY WE ALL!

[@MrPrebuttal]

NTJ's in first world countries/western world can typically be unhealthy, they are better in places like south america/russia/middle east where there is still tradition.

[@mamu7976]

Deep video. When I look at the eyes of other INTJs, I can see they've been through a lot. Absolutely right. It's not our responsibility to fix other people. The path may be set before them, but only they can walk it. I have avoided relationships altogether, as I've yet to process the traumas of my own past. Luckily INTJs can learn fast and can change their path with courage and determination. Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all they say. I'm sure the INTJ, is like like the phoenix, the INTJ will rise again, from the flames of despair. To fly and achieve the highest of highs, after suffering the lowest of lows. If you are an INTJ in the midst of depression, please note, you are a special person, you are appreciated, you are enough, you are safe, you are loved and most importantly; you are not alone.

[@mamu7976]

@DrMAD oioi Mature INTJs develop their weakest function, their blind spot Fe. Self development is key. You live in the world of stereotypes, you have much to learn.

[@mamu7976]

@DrMAD oioiSocionics (8 function model) is superior to MBTI 4 function model. Your ignorance is amazing. Stay in the dark ages with your non existent Fe. Do you like my Te now? LOL.

[@mamu7976]

@DrMAD oioi The polar function is known as the undervalued function. It's hard to develop, not impossible. Your ability to type is laughable. My Ni is telling me you are a waste of time. We are done.

[@mamu7976]

@Has Goodles Haha. I try to avoid looking into the eyes of INFJs. When An INFJ looks at you, it is like they are seeing right through to your soul with wet intuitive eyes. The storm of introverted intuition within. The sadness. The spacey look and the INFJ stare. Both INTJs (2%) and INFJs (1.5%) see the world through the lens of introverted intuition, our dominant function, so we are very similar, yet so different.

[@J_Trask]

You had me until the last paragraph.

[@wildhorse2084]

I've had a longstanding theory that INTJ personalities result from traumatic childhoods. Ni is a predictive, projecting-into-the-future, calculating quality to have as a dominant function, and it's one that's oddly formed in childhood for us. Why would a child learn to act in such a cautious, methodical, and protective way but for something like a traumatic experience? Ni is pretty freaking careful, and once it makes up its mind on something, it learns how to get there almost out of an urgent sense of necessity. Personality is formed early on in childhood, and I do believe the reasons we adopt the function stacks we do, is strongly impacted by environment. -Fellow INTJ with trauma in childhood

[@nikiyikes5674]

You'll love the video I just posted then :) It's about INTJ mental health.

[@talkingtochapri]

Facts 🎯

[@LAStars-sratS]

I agree. 66 female INTJ, definitely early trauma/s. Had lots of time to review it all.

[@nickpantuso5802]

I'm late to the party and I agree that there is overlap with trauma response (ie. post traumatic stress) and INTJ types, but I don't think they can be the same thing. I have worked with many trauma survivors and very few would type as INTJ and I myself have taken MBTI multiple times over past 15 years and always get INTJ and I did not have a traumatic childhood or adulthood so far. Personality seems to be more nature while trauma is more nurture. Just my two cents and I like your channel Nikki!

[@Tarantula_Fangs]

I have a massive crush on a INTJ female and I love how confident yet quietly shy she is. She’s soo honest, yet very awkward. I want to really understand her and I find her to be sooo attractive. I sense she has a lot of substance, but I feel like I have to dig for it which I love to do as an INFJ.

[@justinoliphant9875]

Hey pal, as an INTJ myself, I can really relate to many of the phases of personal development you’ve gone through, namely learning the value of emotions. Also, that was super brave talking about your experiences and emotions like that, I know it’s very difficult for INTJs.

[@KatanaKamisama]

You're NOT the only one that sees the world that way. I've described it as the whole world is like an old TV... black and white with low resolution and lots of background static. But someone I'm attracted to, shows up in full color and HD.

[@KatanaKamisama]

I tried to write a much longer comment but for some reason it wouldn't post. So I just truncated it.

[@nikiyikes5674]

@@KatanaKamisama I knew it couldn't be just me, but it seems to not be something that is common or maybe discussed a lot. It was jarring when I finally started seeing "color", but more jarringly was seeing myself in color and in a more flattering light. Especially when I was filled with so much poison for so many years with no one who could understand or help. This will probably be something I have to work on for my entire life. Feel free to comment back if there's more you'd like to say since it wouldn't let you lol

[@KatanaKamisama]

@@nikiyikes5674 I was going to recommend that you read "The Plant Paradox" By Dr. Steven Gundry. It will change your perspective on food, and medicine. He has a KZbin channel as well if you want to sample before you invest, but his data and argumentation are much clearer in the book.

[@zoeng9026]

INTJ Female here. And a Cancer (so kind of more emotional lol) I totally relate deeply with everything you said. It’s really not easy. I went to therapy too. What I would say is we as INTJs need to appreciate ourselves. And own our value systems. Be free to express ourselves and not fear judgement. Get used to being misunderstood. I feel like once I accepted that I am, there’s nothing else to prove.

[@anneh851]

It took until my 60s to meet someone truly compatible. Prior to that, no boyfriend for about 30 years. I had just lost interest. Life is definitely harder for us INTJs in the earlier years. I'm so sorry for what you had to go thru, and I am glad you made this video, Niki. :)

[@LittleMew133]

Wow congrats, which mbti personality is your so?

[@anneh851]

@@LittleMew133 I'm pretty sure he's ENTJ. He's not interested in this stuff and won't take the test, but figuring out the "TJ" portion was easy enough, and subsequent covert questions helped figure out the rest.

[@GIGADEV690]

​@@anneh851sneaky intj yeh😂

[@avneet5219]

I've seen a lot of INTJ childhood stories from a lot of different sources and being an INTJ myself, I'm building a conclusion that out of everything I've seen, INTJs have the worst childhood and even tho I'm 21M, my childhood is very similar along your lines. Sending tons of blessings and hope to see you better and thanks for sharing such an insightful video. Stay blessed :)

[@eseeslye634]

Yes! Really attacked a lot

[@julie_273]

Thank you for sharing. Side note- Your natural makeup look is very flattering. You're are gorgeous!

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you!

[@mialindvall]

Thank you for sharing so openly, it helps all of us feel less lonely in our experience ❤ /INTJ

[@fvm8906]

INTJs ironically got to stick together. I say "ironically" because INTJs are renowned for our independence, often to the point of being lone wolves or hermits.

[@itsangelk]

I said "right" so many times in my head I practically made a circle. You are empowering! Much love ♥️

[@emberflash1641]

I know there's a certain point we need to take accountability for our actions, but even when we were very young, the BLAME INTJs endure whenever we mess up is so difficult and soul crushing. Hearing what those adults said about you is horrible and to know how much you figured out on your own after dealing with such horrible bullies (cuz that DOES get in your head) is really impressive. I've been lucky enough to have helped friends when I was younger showing them it was ok to be themselves and I'm really proud about that. No one deserves to belittle themselves, especially at so young an age. I got a lot out of watching this. Haven't really been in a serious relationship but I do tend to love wholeheartedly. Your experience with never seeing anyone's face reminded me of A Silent Voice and the guy's issue with never looking at ppl and seeing them. Thx for sharing and the self-growth your underlying message holds.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you for such a heartfelt comment. I can tell you really understood what I was expressing and my experiences, and I appreciate that. I haven't seen A Silent Voice, but that does seem to capture how I used to view people. It was jarring when I finally started seeing the world and the people around me.

[@justjoyce21]

I love your honesty. I don't like how social media stereotypes Intjs as just cold,unfeeling,selfish,narcissistic masterminds.We can be kind and sensitive too

[@isaymamamoo9469]

That's true. I think we appear cold and remote as a means of self-preservation because we're so sensitive. We are scared of getting hurt so we push people away.

[@ma6542]

Hey Niki , I want to hug you as an INFJ and I can feel your sadness through the screen …. You are worthy and will find the right person and I hope that next time you do not tolerate such bad treatment and normalise it because you have convinced yourself that it’s okay as long as their actions are logical , if your feelings are hurt it is not okay and they must be addressed ( which is probably one way how you will know whether the said person cares or not ) …. I’d love an InTJ girl as a friend so do let me know if you wanna connect in real life …. I hope you are healthy and in a better place now

[@ValikPav]

Thank you for your openness and sharing your experience. A lot of food for thought...

[@jackhe972]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. You definitely deserve to be loved!

[@alicialeafgreen7422]

So many emotions, staying so composed. Respect you SO much!!🤗

[@rodemates]

Thanks for sharing! My experience has been as follows: I've liked a lot of guys and a lot of guys have liked me. I have never liked celebrities. Even though I have liked lots of guys I haven't wanted to date many of them. Many people find that so bizarre. To me thinking someone has good qualities doesn't mean you belong with them. My relationships tend to be long and healthy or very short. I have a very high bar for marriage and I'm okay if I never get married.

[@nikiyikes5674]

That makes complete since to me. You can find someone attractive but not find them dating worthy, or marriage worthy. The two things, in my opinion, should be separated at times. You know if you're not compatible, and even when there's nothing wrong that doesn't mean it's right. Thanks for the comment!

[@Kat-Has-Cats]

This comment sums me up very well; either really long (3-5 years) or really short (2 weeks). I'm very particular about who I date and most of my love interests are missing 1 or more of these requirements so they remain friends.

[@LeandroBarroslol]

Thats resonate a lot with my life. Tks for be so brave and share

[@privateprivate9534]

Hey Niki, I’m sorry for the challenges you’ve faced. I’ve had a few myself over the years, but it makes us who we are. Thanks for being so amazingly open and empathetic in your videos. I know it can be hard but keep on moving towards love and compassion, take care of yourself, and love those around you, Things iron out eventually. Your a beautiful person, thanks you for sharing with others.

[@Echteseele]

Thank you for sharing I can totally relate with your struggle to make people let in and often I am not even interested in people. I guess personality type is how our life experiences shapes something we were born with. Overtime I learned to listen my feelings and respect that human part in me, I can tell you I feel way better, insomnia disappeared and I am overall happier, good luck with your journey

[@enfieldjohn101]

I love the pictures on your wall! When I'm in the here and now and not living in my mind, I'm very observant and can't help but notice everything. These pictures are great. I also like how you describe not noticing people, like how they don't seem to have faces or are grey blobs. I kind of relate to that since I'm usually lost in thought and don't even care about most people, not like it seems like you're supposed to if that makes sense. I see them as something to observe like anything else, like animals or plants or machines, rather than as individuals who I 'ought' to care about. Sometimes, I even see my own immediate family more objectively than maybe I 'should'. I had few friends as a kid. The few I had never stuck around. By the time I felt like I'd gotten to know them, their family would move to another town, even another state, and I for some reason, never made the effort to keep in touch with them and they didn't either. We didn't have Facebook or cell phones back then so keeping in touch wasn't as easy as it is now. I've gotten back in touch with some of them now thanks to social media which is fantastic. But, in the meantime, I felt abandoned each time they'd move away. Eventually, I quit trying to make friends. I still struggle with it and the friends I know in person are all because of work, or church, or some other shared experience that puts us together. I was born with hive tumors inside my head that gave me high fevers (so high that I'd hallucinate sometimes) and made it so that I saw double all the time. I still see double if I get too tired and can't focus anymore. I've learned eye exercises that help me keep my eye muscles strong, but only for a time. The fevers finally went away about the time I reached puberty and I eventually got to the point that I could focus with the eye exercises, so I seem 'normal' now, but the psychological damage was already done by that time. I wasn't any good at any of the things that boys in the ranching culture I grew up in are 'supposed' to be good at like riding horses, playing football and basketball, etc. The only sport I was any good at was long distance races in track because all I had to do was just keep running. I was afraid of heights and of water too, so swimming was out. I learned enough to keep from drowning, but I still hate to swim. So, as you can imagine, I wasn't a popular kid and was instead a target of bullying all of my childhood. The only friends I had were also outcasts for various reasons and like I said, they all wound up moving away at some point in my childhood. My family didn't always get along and they still don't (sometimes, they'd argue and fight so loudly that I'd go hide in my room or go for a run across the meadow that our house was in), but they stayed together and I didn't experience divorce in my life as a kid. It seemed like something that happened only on soap operas, until my aunt and uncle got divorced after my cousins were in high school. It was a shock to me. Trying to help my cousins cope with it was tough, especially since I, by nature, don't deal well with emotions to begin with. My wife's parents got divorced when she was a little kid, and her dad got divorced a couple more times during his life so I've learned a lot about being empathetic towards people who have gone through that. He died of cancer when my wife was in college. So, she had to deal with forgiving him and with mourning his loss before I met her. Sometimes, it still bubbles up and I do my best to help her cope with it, mostly by listening quietly while she gets those feelings off her chest. Then, after we'd been married for a couple of years, her mom, my wonderful mother-in-law, died in a car accident. Her mother was great and really seemed to love and accept me, so I miss her terribly too. Like I said in comments on the earlier video, things haven't always gone well for us but we're there for each other. I really appreciate these videos that you are making. Your being open and honest about how you feel and what you've been through helps me open up a bit too. Some videos like this that reach me are as therapeutic as talking to a therapist. It may not be a happy or uplifting video, but it is very helpful to me and I bet it is to others too. I think you'll find the relationship you really want and need someday. I used to think that it would never happen for me for years and years, but it finally did. Our relationship isn't perfect, but it is caring, loving, accepting, and more like a deep friendship (the deepest friendship I've ever had) that also happens to be a romantic relationship. Definitely, take your time. It is so very worth it.

[@Chef8898]

You are a wonderful human being. To be able to be so open and reflective so intelligent but emotional, so honest and authentic is a huge gift, sadly this seems to be something that only grows on ash. I thank you for sharing this.

[@nikiyikes5674]

That's what I want my channel to be. Anyone can look up general INTJ information, but it's not common to find INTJ's showing what's beneath that barrier we have up. Being vulnerable isn't our favorite thing in the world to be, but I know firsthand we're so much deeper emotionally than is portrayed. Thank you for the comment :)

[@moza7894]

Damn. That hit hard in the feelings. I literally cried from 21:10 to 21:30, this somehow resonated with something deep. Thanks to you and this video, I now believe that not only Traumas affect our lives, but just the way we as INTJs perceive and deal with traumas, that makes them so deep and life changing as they are. On the positive note, we learn from our experiences and develop ourselves further. So keep your head up and focus on your goals, you are pretty strong and can achieve whatever you wish if you insist.

[@et9120]

This one was deep, thanks for sharing!

[@nikiyikes5674]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@Dgn404]

Although my pains are different, I recognized the hurt in your eyes and I really feel for you. I'm glad you have the attitude you do towards it with hope and insight. I hope that now things are a little better and it hurts a little less. I think I was in the same circle of traumatic environments growing up as you were and I respect that you use a healthy amount of vagueness in talking about your experiences. It is both smart and kind to do so.

[@elypelowski5670]

I previously stated this on your Romantically clueless video but I think it is worth stating here as well based on your topic. ---- Find your self a cognitively mature ENFP male and you will do just fine ! (Yes - I know men cognitively mature more slowly than women so you may have to let your intuition guide you to the future version of him) I also think it helps if he prioritizes reading and personal growth, spiritual growth etc. over partying and being the social lite.(this may come more an more later in life) Just some friendly advice from an INTJ male that has been married to an ENFP female and that has experienced all the stages of ENFP / INTJ relationships from teenage years into our 40s. Peace to you Niki !

[@carlstevens1487]

I would agree that ENFP is a great match. INTJs that have been through a lot of life trauma or struggle with depression, and just want to feel safe and loved in a relation, may also fit very well with ESFJ types. INFPs are also a great match (similar energy to ENFPs, but a bit more reserved and sensitive) and can lead to a very deep and loving relationship.

[@dumbledalfthewizard9486]

This was a really beautifully honest video. Thanks Nikki. I've always been attracted to INTJs and I think you might have just saved me a lot of heartache and pain. In particular the segment where you talked about people trying to force you to open up causing you to close down hit me like a truck because I've made that exact mistake before with a young, anxious INTJ friend and it just feels awful from both sides. I have tried so damn hard to understand INTJs but it's like trying to collect crumbs that fall off the table and you just shoved the whole pie off for me. So thank you.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I was hoping that it would help those out there who know INTJ's. Not all of them will be like me, but I believe it's pretty universal that patience is key and you can't force us to do, well...anything lol

[@chantzukit681]

my heart sank watching this entire video. thank u for being so brave to open ur wounds for the world dear intj. much encouragement - enfp male

[@nikitaniki19]

You are extremely refreshing. You have zero superficiality to you. Absolutely none. I notice this in INTJ females. It's pleasant to find someone so genuine. It's very satisfying to come across someone more like me and less like the rest of the world

[@dentamiraar]

This was the most honest video about INTJs feelings ! ,, I was depressed and blaming myself for being unwanted or didn't enter any relationship ! ,, And most of people in my life made me feel that I'm wrong and blamed me for not giving a chance for a man entering my life ,, i can relate to the phases you've talked about *_* , your video gave me better feeling , thank you so much ❤️ , and please make more videos !❤️

[@moza7894]

Well, the pressure from other family members and friends (mostly sensors/feelers) in our culture is really high, especially for females at a certain age. And they often show no appreciation of how one thinks and feels. It is not you who is wrong, because it is not wrong, it is just that we tick differently, we think differently, and we feel and love differently, and we need time and special people. Also, although we may appear cold from outside, we are burying our emotions deep within. That makes us for them cold robots, which entices them to do more pressure to get a reaction from us. Just stay strong, be yourself until you find the right guy one day. Sorry for this random long comment from nowhere, but it is the same boat for us just opposite sides.

[@lunar5781]

Life is such a struggle,for most of us.Felling very sory after watching this video,and remind me the brutal days I experience when I was little.NTs are the ones most people couldn't understood,either in the west or the east.Hope u can stay healthy and look after yourself well,and find ur OWN HAPPY LIFE as soon as possible.We are not alone.Best Wishes☺️☺️

[@lunar5781]

@Has Goodles Hello☺️Nice to meet you!

[@jasoncox5505]

I'm an INTJ and I totally relate to much of this.

[@maddiesiegmund5623]

Thank you for sharing. Your videos are quite cathartic. When I was a teenager I also tested as an INTJ but did not give it a second's thought until years later. I grew up with one parent with substance abuse and the other one neglectful. I never had a celebrity crush or fantasized about dating a famous person. I did have one unrequited, cringey obsession with someone for years in middle/high school actually, but outgrew that, thank god. At 16 I then fell victim to a psychopathic person who pretended to love me in order to live with me (he was in the foster system and my parents literally took him into our home when we became friends). I fell for his charm and confidence, fell very in love, and it was a year of mindgames, powertrips, the works...ultimately he flipped a switch one day and never pretended to give a shit about me again. He did show up and give condolences like a normalperson when my mom died, so there's that, but otherwise we've doorslammed each other. Who knows how that has affected me through my twenties and my ability to open up to people. Overall I'm glad I had the worst experience I'll ever accept Early in life and got it over with and learned how to identify and walk away/move on from such toxic situations. A couple longnterm relationships and a three-year hiatus from dating later I feel ready to love again...the most recent attempt was a No Chemistry situation...we shall see.

[@nikiyikes5674]

There's a certain maturity you gain from trauma, but I hate that we have to experience such terrible things to be able to see the colors of the world clearly. But when we find that person, we'll know healthy from unhealthy. So there's that.

[@HKashaf]

I have just started to talk to INTJ women. In a long distance relationship, I feel like I have poured my soul out to her and I got like 6 sentences in return. She is extremely reserved. So I came here to learn more about the inner workings of a INTJ women. It is hard to discern lack of interest from reserved personality. Thanks for sharing and making yourself vulnerable. If things work out between me and her then this video definitely would have played huge part. Otherwise no one has this much patient.

[@ak9335]

Hi i’m late to the party but may i know how’s things holding up for you? wishing you the best in life - from an INTJ woman whose trying to understand their partner

[@tile-maker4962]

INTJ male here. You have similar parental issues that I do. I developed commitment anxiety for years. I always felt like love relationships were nearly impossible because I was so far behind in life in much needed areas. Love the videos btw!

[@wh0kn0ws75]

I can almost understand how you felt in the past, I lived the same things more or less. I say "almost" because sensitivity is different in each person. I know how it can be difficult to say these things, it's not an intj's skill... expressing. Sometimes I wanted to cry but I just can't, idk why. That's the reason why people today call me "Mr robot" and sometimes I think that they are right... but it hurts, it's not my fault. I started to fake my emotions most of the time to hide all this shit. But deeper, I know that nobody could really appreciate me. I don't want to be dramatic, so I thank u to share part of your story. It always helps somehow.

[@pugninja7037]

I know a intj who can't let his troubled side heal, I hope one day he wants to understand and want to move past his past,for his own sake. What a strong woman you are.

[@mastermindmoney7605]

Wow I resonate completely. Hope to meet someone like you and heal together. Love from another intj

[@Dandoz666]

Not all storys have to be happy ending forever. You seem like an awesome person and not having that many diffrent relationships is not bad. I am an INTP and I know I need to heal after a relationship most of the times it takes the same amount of time for me to heal as the relationship was.

[@Squid-ward24]

You are Loved. Love You

[@fvm8906]

I'm an INTJ dude and I love you the way you are, I'm deadass serious. No judement from this INTJ. I just want to shower you with the L💜VE you deserve.

[@Deanna_Marie_]

This is so so good.

[@CollyWobbles._3]

As an intj, and also coming from a very abusive family, i loved someone when i was 13.A lot actually. It's literally exactly what u said. A lot. That person did not love me bsck, he straight ignoree me most of the times but he would still stare at me, i had a hope and loved him for almost 4 years. Later, i liked another guy who kind of texted me back, liking pictures, idk... Little signs. Giving me hope just to reject me again. Later on, i got into a relationship who is emotionally immature , he didn't like me but he's just there, who just wants to date... There was no me. And, by this time, i got hugely insecure (i still am) which made me give up on romantic relationships and focus on personal growth for now. I still struggle with loving people from one side because whenever they love me back, it feels as if, im on a pedestal, having to work so much to the point of being burned out,it icks me off. I just, am not sure. I know i will be fine for all the hardwork im putting , but why even am i working hard? To be loved?

[@Chtsht23]

Great video, Nikki! Really insightful, my friend.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thanks so much!

[@Chtsht23]

@@nikiyikes5674 keep posting them, I’m here for it.

[@VRIceblast]

You're an attractive girl. You're a INTJ, so all your life you should have a ton of experience understanding toxic people. You have been watching how other people interact with each other, and you can spot fake people, or you'll notice the way someone thinks, by how they react. You need to set Boundaries, and never let anyone cross them, no matter how much you might love them. Those boundaries should be there for a reason. You should have a lifetime of reasons for each of those boundaries. If someone crosses a boundary, you talk to them about it. If they don't take you seriously, and show you disrespect, and gaslight you, then you need to start lowering your contact with that person. So boundaries should never, ever be crossed. If someone crosses one of those boundaries, you remove that person from you life. Just the fact that they so easily crossed that boundary, is all the reason you needed. End of story, slam the door, and bolt it shut. Trust and Respect are the 2 most important things in any relationship. Any time you let someone come unchallenged across one of your boundaries, that person will lose some respect for you, and you will lose some self respect because you didn't stand up for yourself. It's a very slippery slope, and you don't want to go down it. If you stand up for yourself, that person is either going to respect you more, or you'll learn that they don't really respect you, but that they are part of your life, because they are getting something from you. That is really your only value to them is. In a way, being an attractive girl makes finding a possible mate very easy. Because guys are very Visual. So you'll usually be able to tell if one is interested in you. All you have to do is basically set up boundaries for anyone you might find interesting. Are you attracted to them, Check. Are they a good person, Check. Do they Stimulate you intellectually, Check Do you like enough of the same things, that you want to be in the same room with them most of the time, and so on. Think of what's the basic Foundational needs you want in a man. You have been in a few relationships now, so you should have some experience data points that you can build your boundaries with. Boundaries you want your man to cross. People don't tend to change. It takes a serious event for someone to truly change, and few people ever experience that event. The problem comes in at the beginning of a relationship, because many people fake who they really are. They try to appear better than they really are. Eventually, they will slip up, and you'll see the real them. INTJ are really good at reading between the lines, seeing what someone really means, even when they don't know it themselves. We are usually good at spotting fake people. Use that lifetime of experience to see through peoples actions and behaviors, to read the real person underneath. You can then Predict how likely this person is likely to cross one of your boundaries. Judge how they react to you calling them out for crossing one. Someone that really cares for you, will apologize, and be willing to talk about it, so they understand you better. Others will get mad at you, and not take responsibility for their actions. They will gaslight you. Life is too short to keep toxic people in it. Cut the dead weight and move on with your life.

[@intellectualfilms4883]

I can relate to most of this. I say this with displeasure, but I don't think people like us are meant to be with other people. I come from a very good family, but I am the way I am and my relationship experiences lead me to conclude that success is not in the cards. It's all the more demoralizing because I do want to get married and start a family. I wish you luck.

[@WolfoxBR]

Wow. Thanks for sharing this. As a fellow INTJ, I could relate to a LOT of what you said (and how you said it, interestingly enough) even though my relationship history is quite different. INTJs can love *very* deeply indeed, and it can hurt SO much when it doesn't work, even when you are able to see it coming. Anyway, I appreciate your willingness and courage to share your story and your feelings and I hope you find someone who will truly appreciate you for who you are, someone worthy of that deep love that you have within. And when that happens, I'm 100% sure it won't be a "business transaction". It never was for me either, not even once, and as far as I'm concerned, it never will be.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Agreed. The closest to a "business transaction" as I go is just communicating my thoughts and feelings in a very direct manner. For many years I held back because it wasn't appreciated and ended up becoming a one-sided fight. However, at this point in my life, I'm not out to waste my time. Thanks for the comment!

[@WolfoxBR]

@@nikiyikes5674 Yeah. It's so refreshing when you can be direct and to the point and not be understood as rude or uncaring. Not that I really know what that's like, mind you - as I said in a different comment, not a lot of IXTJs in my life - but I can imagine it would be amazing. I'm the one to thank you. I'm so glad I found this channel. :)

[@ameeshpatel6489]

I am 20 and INTJ and have never been in a relationship. I remember as a child my aunt yelling at me telling me that I am going to be like my father who is a reserved quite. I have had people I had deep crushes on but I knew they will never think of me as the same but I am slowly, very slowly trying to date people and it has been interesting to say. Met this one person an INTP and we had good conversations and I hope we can chat again soon. Thank you for sharing and being honest about your relationships. I know talking about love is something I hate doing lol.

[@lunar5781]

Hey bro!I am from China and a ENTP.Hope u enjoy ur life and relationship with the love one~Nice to meet u anyway

[@shallowslumber]

INTJ here, I also have experienced guys not being patient with me and it hurts but I’ve been through a lot of trauma so I probably need to be with someone more understanding. Thanks for sharing.

[@captainfrosty31]

This was scarily relatable. Fellow female INTJ.

[@HopeIsStronger]

As an intj I felt like my story is basically exactly the same as yours. I hope you can find your someone!

[@nikiyikes5674]

I am part of the problem, but I have done much healing. Now, I just need to be interested in finding a partner (haha)

[@briannamorrison380]

I had crushes when I was young, but I always knew that the appeal was strictly looks. I never had a relationship when I was younger that lasted more than a week. The man I'm married to was and is my only serious relationship. I never would have thought in a million years that I would be married. I think I just got extremely lucky. As for my experiences growing up, I had similar experiences to yours. My family is very volatile, it's very hard to trust any of them. Even my own mother. My mother is actually my most recent problem in my family. She told me how she really felt about me a few years ago and even though we've made up since then I don't think our relationship will ever be the same again. I've always been the black sheep of the family and my mom was the one I thought was on my side. But I was wrong. Now it seems like when I go to visit her there's this mask that we both put on in order to get along and stay in each others lives. I'll be honest though, I really don't want to anymore. I'd rather her just tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore and let me begin to pick up the pieces and just learn to live with the fact that I have no parents. My dad has been out of my life for a while now and even though it still hurts that he doesn't care, I have been able to move on and not be trapped in a bunch of fakeness. I have no friends, because like you I find people uninteresting and friendship seems in my experience to be so over rated. None of the friendships I have had have lasted. It seems like most people want to do all the same things that I have no interest in, like going out drinking, going to clubs, going shopping or getting their nails done. Gossiping is another thing I really hate. It's one thing if they're venting but some people just want to talk about other people over some really petty things. I guess my life is going to be mostly lonely aside from having a husband.

[@cjay233]

Your husband, what is his personality type please. Thanks.

[@charles2241]

I wouldn't ditch your mother, or even pretend that ditching her would be better, just live with it. It's not that terrible, so you guys put on a facade of sorts. Just look at it as the best y'all can do for the time being, and maybe later things will bloom much better. You're at least putting some effort into it now, even if it feels forced. Not every relationship was ever meant to be heavenly. You might need to look at this from her point of view. Maybe, just maybe, you might be HER one grasp of sanity, even if it's brief, forced, and seems to have no purpose. I think it's pretty safe to presume that cutting ties with her completely is actually rather a cowardly thing to do, and probably quite selfish. Maybe all she's wanting now is to know one of her kids will be there for her when she has her last hospital stay, etc? I'll relate a tad here. My mother had broken her hip, and I was having to stay with her there a great deal at the hospital. My brother and I would split shifts more or less. But my mother in a hospital had an extreme problem of wanting the blasted temperature adjusted in the room, literally every five minutes, and so she wore me to hell. I'm not sure what I was set out to get, and I made sure to take longer than I needed to get that item, even though it was hard to find in the first place. I had some thinking to do alone. At a certain point, at least for a minute or two, it seemed the only way to solve my problem is just leave and don't come back, she could learn to fend for herself. My mother was always the fairly helpless sort, and her having quite a few odds against her, just made that even worse, including her being 100% deaf. Fortunately, you might say, I live within driving distance of her house and the hospital, so me running, what would that achieve? So I decided I was going to nix that idea, but I would go up there one more time with the item, and I would have to think further what I would do beyond that. Immediately upon entering her room, there was the doctor whom I had not seen all day, and he released her. All it took when there was the breaking point, was me to want to try ONE MORE TIME. Think about how much of a jackass I would had been, had I had decided not to come back, and then she's stranded up there ready to leave!!! I never would had lived such stupidity down. Even more fascinating was her rehab place stay, as I was ragged to the bone there too, and on the next to the last day she was there, I was up there 18 hours straight, probably without sleep. Just to show the power of what I told you earlier, this is rather profound now that I think about it. The idea of me leaving her at the rehab place never occurred to me. But one time I was maybe sleeping a bit in a chair next to her bed, and she was asleep. I awoke, with this feeling that some INTRUDER was in the room, probably somebody trying to get into her purse. I didn't hear it, I just sensed it. I decided to deliberately not move at all in order not to alarm "IT" but to just open my eyes, hoping it would not see me aware something was going on. Right after I opened my eyes, some shadow person went running full speed from the foot of her bed, and seemingly out to the hallway door. I sprung up immediately to kick ass of whatever this thing was that was trying to rip her off, etc, but it got away. A few hours later, right the other side of that same hallway door, I left for the day, completely awake. Suddenly I heard a pleasant woman's voice I had never heard before (not seductive) and she had snuck up right behind me. But she spoke VERY loudly, as though she screamed with a normal voice (like somebody talking normal, but the volume turned WAY up beyond what is normal for that short range) and called me by my first name. I spun around at this weird thing, and nobody was there. I don't know if I imagined both entities or not, but I've never seen or heard anything before which I couldn't account for. If especially that first thing really was some sort of spirit, I'm having to wonder what happens to mother if I wasn't there. Just a bit more on the first thing. It was solid black as if no light could touch it and flat, no more than an inch thick. I saw it for approximately a half a second and it disappeared in some shadows. It was the shape and size of say a nine year old girl, wearing an outfit from the Old West, including a bonnet. Other than it's full speed movement, the object didn't move at all and was dead silent. It also appeared to levitate. Needless to say, I never have dreams like that. I couldn't help but notice afterwards, the extreme differences in the two things. One entirely visual with no sound and a little girl. The other VERY loud and that of a woman instead.

[@alicialeafgreen7422]

INTJ here so on point! I love the "Faceless" Analogy I feel like it's right on point and along the lines of a demi or sapiosexual.

[@nikiyikes5674]

You are correct. Nice reading between the lines! Thanks for commenting.

[@SOULJAJOE010]

Ok, you're really interesting. First time here I'm so sorry for the relationships you had. I deeply empathize with the experiences you had. In fact, my own past experiences are the biggest factor in why I got interested in typology, I just felt as though something about me was very odd even though others did not notice(or maybe lol... because ngl sometimes i say some wtf-sht, like full on conspiracy theories if its a close friend 😂). But seriously, the first thing I did after the assessment was doing research and watching youtube videos and wow, it felt as though I wasn't listening to some other language that I had to decode as I'm listening(which was always the case but it was normal so it had been unrealized(however, i do believe i have a single intj friend that also says 'wtf-sht' 😂 where he would talk about politics, systems and structures of society in such an abstract way... etc etc and it was not only relatable but i kinda thought/considered/believed already)). tldr; Happy to be here. Instantly subbed after a few minutes of you talking INTJ here as well

[@ajadegirl]

Thanks for sharing

[@nobodyhere4667]

I did the same thing with the test and I feel the same way, if I had looked more into it, I may have navigated life a bit better. It's interesting listening to your experiences, thank you. I came to watch this video because I was curious how your experiences as a womyn would differ from my male INTJ experiences. I do had a very difficult childhood but mine was a bit different. Alcoholic father but he stopped drinking when I was young but his rage made him what I have heard called a "dry drunk". I honestly think he was abused through the church as a child and suppressing it is the reason he is the way he is. My mother likely has something but lots of manipulation and love was always conditional. My oldest sister loved drama and she would throw tantrums when she couldn't boss people around or get her way. I remember trying to hide from them in my room. I'd close the door and play in the closet to get farther away. Outside the door it was like having these large speakers blaring emotions 24/7. "It really stripped my way to be fearless" wow, I get that. I have always been fearless with love and relationships. I figured "the one" was out there so I'd better get looking. Many never lasted long but I was willing to try and stay open. By my 30's, it had just gotten old. My dating life got more sporadic but I didn't notice at first because I kept moving to these really small towns. I had my dog of 13 years and I was spinning out a bit, just devastated inside and I met this womyn who seemed like she really cared. Long story short, short engagement, marriage, move, buy house, long court battle over house, divorce, bankruptcy and the last 4 years in self imposed isolation. I never wanted to hide from the world so bad before after any relationship but all of it was too much. When you said that's "It really stripped my way to be fearless", my thought was "that's it! that's what I lost". Thank you for putting that into words so well. :) Right there with you on gifts. My parents when they were not ruling with fear they would often resort to bribes similar to yours. When you speak to the "I am not immune to manipulation" I use to think I was as well. This might just be a individual thing we both share and you can tell me if you disagree but it sounds like you have a large "Love Blind Spot", I know I do. Looking back I can usually see all these red flags that I ignored. I think this is the "want to believe" problem. It took me a long time to figure that one out, I think you were way ahead of me on that one (in age comparison because I am old). I think INTJ's feel very deeply, that's why we need to learn to try and control those strong emotions as INTJ's. I think our in deep analyzation of painful emotional experiences, we replay it so often one experience has a much larger impact but in smaller and repeated impacts. I know I struggle to let things go until my brain has finished reviewing it, I don't have much choice over it, that's just the way it works. Unless I want to use repression but I can feel how unhealthy that is so it is a tool of last resort.

[@wwhyk1459]

Your eyes are beautiful✨

[@ChromaticTempest]

Man, yeah. I related hard here. Trauma fracks us all up. Nothing feels right and for folk that rarely feel anything, I think it takes far longer to sort. Sometimes I dream of becoming a person that exudes feeling, connects easily with others, and maintains a healthy perspective on interpersonal developments, but then I wake up and It's not that I forget the dream, it's that I run from it. Fighting that natural tendency, that's the fight right there. Nothing is harder. Learned BS habits do not just shake off. BUT, new habits can be formed rather easily! In fact, it's a bit of a human hack. Do a thing for 1-3 weeks daily and suddenly the brain begins to reward us with happy chemicals for the thing, whatever it is. So, want to be more personal or open, just do it. Eventually the brain figures out we should and rewards us for it. Want to emote more? Just do it. Want to exercise, or eat better, or dedicate more time to something meaningful? Just do it. Our brains will catch on. When it comes to complex systems like romantic relationships, probably the key habit that many will have to work on is trust: trust in self, the other person, that it can work, and so on. Use the hack. Maybe it will lend an important edge. It may not be enough, but I think it is in the very least something, and sometimes that little iota of a kernel is enough. There is also the bit about how to be selective. What criteria do we use? I think it reasonable to list that and go through how something is healthy or unhealthy. Since our barometers are cracked and hard to read, probably want outside input on this. A healthy list will include behaviors we trust to inspire positivity. An unhealthy list will often exclude based on nitpicking or absurd expectations that no human can live up to. People are perfectly imperfect. They have good and bad habits and behaviors and we always both love them and despise certain aspects within them. For instance, I just used so many conjunctions in the previous sentence that a civil person will not maintain their temper while reading it!

[@SeraphXeno]

very useful and impressive

[@godfathersaccountant8100]

you’re damn awesome

[@seqranger1]

I know this comment is coming late for you. Having said that, I recently have understood that I am an INTJ-A. Maybe slightly different than most as I chose to join the Army Infantry out of high school against my own nature. It has given me a lot of social benefits but it doesn't change my internal self. Listening to you be so vulnerable is so emotionally amazing. I have so much respect for your ability to upload this video and share it with all of us. In an attempt to be vulnerable, in respect for yours, I went through a 12 year relationship with someone who I love immensely but I had to come to the same realization that you did much earlier. You cannot help or change someone else. It's the worst feeling in the world. You love them so much and being a fixer and a problem solver you just want to believe that eventually you will be able to help them. But you simply cannot. Just like you had to, I had to, we all have to eventually look inward when we want to change. Some people don't want to look at themselves in that way because of all the demons they hold inside. Regardless, I sincerely appreciate and respect your upload. I hope life is going absolutely amazing for you and I wish you the best. Edit: We are not immune to manipulation. Sadly, I've found that I am quite susceptible to manipulation because I am very aware of my lack of emotional and social abilities. That relationship has made me extremely aware of it. Because of it I will never allow that to happen again.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you so much, and thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I hope you're doing well and conquering the world.

[@seqranger1]

@@nikiyikes5674 I am doing the best I can. Personally, yes, I am experience a lot of success and everything is working out for me. I would be shocked if you aren't having the same experience. It seems like personalities like ours tend to be successful in whatever we put our minds to. When it comes to something as ethereal as love the struggle feels ongoing. It's hard not laugh. It feels like when I was choosing my character I put all of my skill points into everything that wouldn't help me find a true love. Like you said though, we do love deeply. I think INTJ's might love the deepest of them all. More loyal than all. It's what makes finding true love so difficult. When we choose to be that vulnerable we know the "contract" we are making, and while others apparently take it for granted, we do not. That sets us up for the heartbreaks that we experience. I don't really regret them, but they did hurt immensely. On a positive last note. I am conquering my little part of the world, I have two of the greatest friends anyone could have, and I am very hopeful and positive for my personal future. Sincere best wishes.

[@okagewesley]

The beauty of an INTJ woman are so adorable. I can't explain well how i persevere it, but that is so nice 😊

[@szxnc]

Are you intj?

[@okagewesley]

@@szxnc Yes I am

[@lancefarrar3442]

Thank you

[@mickygarcia4251]

People change over the course of a relationship. The person you are is not the person you are going to be, so the landscape of a relationship is by its very nature rocky. Also, I find that people are fickle, unrealistic and naive. I prefer the stability of knowing that I'm on my own, rather than wondering when I'll be on my own. Besides all that, the dangers of a relationship to a man is that you can lose your financial footing when you make the wrong choice. Adding all that together, I just see a lot of downside risk with very little probability of a win.

[@DoomLegion83]

I see your eyes moving, i know what you feel, how you recall, process, ni-concept things. Same with me. Greetings INTJ male. I can draw it upon your picture from the video if you like

[@Kramer649]

One bit of knowledge that keeps me going is ; We intj's may Show emotions the least, but we FEEL them the most! For me words cannot do the emotions I feel justice, thus making it soo difficult to express them. Go forth; fear Not. Andrew

[@speedy_comet]

I hope things are working out for you. There are billions of people out there it's only logical one of them will work out.

[@polyaplus]

I dig the Tom Marvolo Riddle (LORD VOLTEMORT) "FREE HUG" Picture on the wall....soooooo INTJ

[@zzzzzzX.7]

I love her eyes

[@RandolphTheWhite1]

I can relate to what you said about marriage being a trap. I mean, to each their own, but absolutely not for me. Especially for a religion. I'd honestly prefer starvation, or, maybe not, but it'd be super close. People might say "it's gotta be with the right person." Marriage is about appearance, status, and social pressure. Let's be honest. I'm a firm believer that love is something that happens to people over time. It's not an emotion, but rather a firm commitment to action. And it develops in spite of what the person wants. It's like an animating force, but what do I know.

[@missphilosophie]

I'm INTJ and I wish I could give this a million likes.

[@chrissorrels7093]

Much of your relationship experience seems more indicative of your avoidant attachment style rather than specifically INTJ. You already know that you are avoidant, so you can work on that. If you haven't already, you may want to take a deeper look into your relationship with your mother. Sometimes, fathers with demons spiral downward because they were married to a covert narcissist. If you ever thought your mother was the angel, that's a good sign that there may be more issues. It's hard enough being an INTJ without laying on childhood trauma. It takes an INTJ longer to figure it all out due to the weakness in understanding their own feelings. Best wishes on your journey through life.

[@Matthew-us2ys]

Were you on a CS Joseph stream at one point, I seem to recognise your voice. Anyway, nice video, I could relate to plenty of it.

[@denvercolorado811]

Good job

[@lunar5781]

I rewatched the video just now,and wish we can chat someday: )

[@rameshcppodcasts]

Experiencing and experimenting? 'Normal People' series comes to my mind 🥴❤️ INFJ here

[@LittleMew133]

I'm an INFJ and I barely liked anyone whom I cannot somewhat guarantee a long future with. My brain just goes "what's the point?"

[@Anotherguy1st]

Agreed as an INTJ, to me a girlfriend is always wife phase one for me. You usually can't tell her that or she'll run away though!

[@VaronPlateando]

well... as an INTJ gent's, my story | experience can only be incommensurable to yours. even if observations | reflections may resonate. more technically, I'd score in cptsd screening (making sense with some early teens experiences) and only recently on virtually any on 'wrong planet syndrome'. with this of course, romantic idealism long gave way... to dismissive avoidance and phantom pain at times. I do give | get tango embraces regularly - and as you present yourself, I could project such 'other side' in you, too (well... it being utmost unlikely to meet you in that sphere though).

[@wx1995.]

Relatable.

[@LOADING...o.o.o]

I’m a INTJ female and grew up without a father. I do have a father in US but grew up with him not being in my life for 15 years. Later I came to US states at 15.

[@mobashiryusuf4813]

As an infp who was an intj I got her and i know why it happened cuz i know when I was an intj i tend to decide and predict realistic thing while in reality people tend to follow emotions and dont like decisions that are logically correct i realize that i should be emotional sometime at least and say things what its felts rather than speaking the truth which will insult them. Infp are more emotional but not effective as intj 😅 and balancing i cant do that but j can feel the ni te when i take decisions to get to my target it was a great time. I was highly effective and efficient at the time of intj.

[@LAStars-sratS]

Don’t overthink things. Just be sincere, true to yourself and let the other person know how you feel. After that it’s in Fate’s hands.

[@fvm8906]

Being generally quiet during social gatherings is so INTJ.

[@elypelowski5670]

You totally give me Jodie Foster vibes from Silence of the Lambs. Is that you Agent Starling ???

[@dylanmoore7077]

Holy fuck, are you me? I feel like I've had the same pattern and thoughts with my relationships, aside from my parents having a stable marriage. Like all the rest 100% what I've been through. Down to the relationship pattern of young love - discovery that casual isn't me - health issues for the other side that I codependently attached to. Also C dif sucks. Clinda is one of the worst at causing it because it's hard on most gut bacteria (anaerobes) because they don't grow back fast enough. Then C dif takes over in a couple weeks. I hope they didn't give you that PO for a skin infection or acne. Then did oral Vancouver cause you to get an allergic reaction or anaphylaxis? That all really sucks. Glad you're doing better.

[@SeraphXeno]

very honest

[@jennifer9797]

I always give people a shot at having a relationship with me but it just doesn't take because they want to "save" me. It's insane.

[@Hensch]

I took some acid yesterday on valentinesday and what can i say it's the only valentines day i will remember, all the other ones were as uneventful as my romantic life. I just havn't met the right one yet but well, i got time :)

[@DoomLegion83]

I only now see the voldemort memes LOL

[@mkschreder]

We should go on a live together. Two INTJs.. what could go wrong?

[@jamesdeancocochanel]

What is your enneagram type. Thank you for sharing this. It helped categorize some things and I’m not an INTJ but close.

[@sadrariahi3968]

As INTJ I think there is no good match for us for romantic relationship. 🤕 we will be alone .

[@nikitaniki19]

I've noticed the way you move your eyes and your tone of voice is extremely similar to mine. Im aware of the INFJ stare, do INTJ's also have their own mannerisms? Theres another female INTJ I've watched and she does the same

[@majdavlk649]

i also noticed myself, and otehr INTJs to have really bad childhood. that makes me wonder if the personality is more from upbringing, or if INTJs cant self indoctrinate

[@AquaticGoat]

I just quit everything and I have never been happier

[@nikiyikes5674]

I fill my days with reading, writing, exercising, singing (not good but I have fun lol), and learning Korean. I can say I've never been happier as well. I don't really "try" when it comes to people. Not anymore.

[@MoPoppins]

SAME! Only wish I’d known sooner that trying would be so futile, but better late than never,

[@smoothlyrough512]

I dont even try and date as an intj male. Its not worth it in my opinion. Im further to the introvert side of the slider, and its just not fesible to even think about dating. I honestly dont value anything but my time, myself, and my family. Yes, thats in order.

[@jennyonthespectrum4581]

I still have bullies. Some adults just have nothing better to do than make others miserable. They are dumb and find it entertaining because they have no talents or real hobbies. You just have to realize most people are kind of horrible to others. Just find the very few that aren't. I tend to stay clear of extroverts and 70% of neurotypicals for that reason.

[@adindubose9314]

Sharpness 2,000,000%