How To Deal With Abusive Parents | Ask Shaykh YQ #52

[@nafeeshfarooqui2782]

I am abused thrashed and insulted by my own mother. I can't do anything. I can only complain my Allah.may ALLAH help every child who have such bad parents. AMEEN

[@maryambashori297]

Same and Ameen

[@nafeeshfarooqui2782]

@@maryambashori297 may Allah help u

[@umarbhat7589]

May Allah help you. I too suffered lot of abuse from my parents, especially my mother. I moved out of home later & tried to build my own world.

[@42_10_]

omg same. it become so traumatic to me every-time i had to go home i have anxiety.

[@nafeeshfarooqui2782]

@@tazeenrashid2055 I will pray for you. My Mother bitches about me to almost everyone ,like my neighbours, my relatives and even my teachers and fnds.I don't have father. Don't be sad and depressed Tazeen. Never miss your Salah and pray hard.I believe that ppl like us who don't have anyone except Allah have very bright future♥️🙂

[@Als1822]

as a mother my heart hurts. how can you bring a child into this world and abuse them? a lot of asian parents tend to be emotionally manipulative as well. name calling, threatening, talking your kid down, humiliating them in front of everyone etc are all a part of many asian cultures. seriously if you can't raise a kid right without resorting to any form of ab^se then keep your damn legs closed!

[@hylianlegends]

Really? You had to bring race into it? I work in psychiatry, and I can tell you it happens across all races and cultures.

[@Als1822]

@@hylianlegends im aware it happens in all cultures but thing is its sadly acceptable in asian cultures. spanking, emotional manipulation even of your adult children etc are more widespread than in western culture. I speak from experience so...

[@ArvInd-vd2ww]

@@Als1822 May Allah Azzawajal reward you for being a good mother. However sister, please make sure you keep a right balance. Not to abuse but not to over-pamper as well. Sometimes disciplining is also important. May Allah Azzawajal guide all of us. Ameen.

[@Als1822]

@@ArvInd-vd2ww yes but I believe discipline doesn't have to involve abuse. Your kids should not fear you. They should fear disappointing you.

[@ArvInd-vd2ww]

@@Als1822 True. Disciplining is not abusing. I believe that over pampering is a type of abuse too. Its a way to give a false perception of the world to the child and at the same time taking off abilities from him, which he would have developed otherwise.

[@qazishahid]

The biggest issue in these types of lectures is that it's the children who see, hear and feel these but the parents never do. They wouldn't even search for this content. It's the traumatized children who do this to seek help psychologically and in terms of Islam

[@tajsaber]

I am so glad to see a clear answer on this topic. Like many I am sick and tired of people telling you to respect parents it seems that they are able to get away with anything. So many scholars add to the pain of the person who has suffered by not giving an intelligent answer. Jazak Allah Khair Shaikh may Allah bless you

[@nimoshakira1057]

I only know the pain

[@alenhalilagic7115]

So true !

[@Hondab18c5]

💯

[@faridaaali6170]

@Mohammed Raheem i have kid they are older adults i love them underconditionly like friends with them they share everything with me not unlike most muslim parents love them only becus they do as ther told and emotinally blackmail them !!

[@faridaaali6170]

@Mohammed Raheem you were rude you said use your brain crying out loud

[@IqraQadirKhan]

These topics are easily brushed under the carpet. For south asian parents, emotional abuse doesn’t even exist. We need to talk about these topics more. It is currently such a huge issue in our muslim family systems but no real solution. Thanks for this video

[@asmakhatoon8166]

south asian parents are worst

[@tahan5512]

wtf i am south asiasn and i had a shitty childhood women man women

[@hanimacchi]

BS I'm south asian myself and I've heard more parental abuse stories than I even wanted to know from my south and east asian friends. I too had a shit childhood so don't come into this comment section to be ignorant of other people's experiences.

[@ineedthisappeverytimeieat]

@@asmakhatoon8166 YEESSSSS my mom is abusive and she is south asian and I'm an only child so I'm very lonely as well. She is emotionally abusive not physically surprisingly.

[@jannatulkawsar7163]

I couldn't sleep the whole night due to the disturbance of my father's physical and emotional and status abuse! Saw this video and I feel a bit okay

[@audaciousifti]

Thank you for at least talking about this, most people act like this is normal

[@fadhilahi1430]

100% true

[@Fj034]

Exactly

[@caragrey3055]

So true

[@asmakhatoon8166]

exactly scholars tell us to obey them

[@canawal8870]

Absolutely true

[@Shur30]

Been in a similar situation..but the perpetrator has been my mom. From as far back as i can remember i never had a healthy relationship with her. She abused me the most cuz i was the quiet one. I tried to distance myself from her but it triggered her more. She is the reason i’ve silently cried to Allah for the past 30 years of my life. Now as a married adult, i am unable to see myself as a mother. I dont want any children cuz i’m too scared to turn out like her. Sometimes i feel that has damaged me beyond repair. And she never wants to take the blame for anything, humiliating me all the time in front of family and extended relatives. A ruined childhood, the ripples of which are trickling into my adulthood...

[@kabirrubaiyat]

Subhan’Allah...story of my life..

[@jusdgaf449]

100% you described my childhood

[@palwan7190]

my father always wanted me to be doctor ,from 1 class to 8th class i was beat like wall by my father for not scoring more in exams than my cousin who always stood first in my class in 9th class i worked day and night ,when my friends are having good time with their girlfriends i will be studying hard and luckily my cousin became a part of bad company and i got more marks than him i was awarded by my parents but then my father friend's son score more marks than me he start beating me again but this time emotionally i was studying biology then i dropped it because i said to my father i dont want to become a doctor you never treated me like a child but a horse in a race now i have only 1 year left after graduating as an engineer , my question is can i leave my parents after 1 year at the same time i dont want to make Allah angry on me but my parents because i didnt become a doctor they have emotionally disturbed me alot from the last 5 years i am just maintaining a fake relationship as they provide me with food and shelter the best part is they want me to be like my younger brother who never been to college and my parents never questioned him in return he respects my parent like a child you will never saw whereas I am just faking it

[@sely5200]

It's like I wrote this.

[@ft5730]

We hear you , you are not on your own. Been in the same boat, suicidal in my teens and early 20s. My imaan, which has always been gift from Allah helped me and also 10 years of counselling Alhamdollilah

[@zoniyakhan7478]

I can't stop crying while listening to this video. This sums up how hurt i still am while in my late 20s.

[@Amy623]

Know that you crying is a form of healing 🤍

[@no.964]

Boo hoo.. mY siTuaTioN is JusT sO haRd 🥲 quit complaining and thank your Lord for the countless other blessings you have. What’s with the endless self-pity in these comments? SubhanAllah. If you’re gonna complain, complain to your Lord, not the comments.

[@noneofyourbuizness]

​@@no.964 Disgusting

[@themorocstar]

Same sis same

[@romaiseb]

"the more the dhulm (injustice) increases, the less the huqooq (rights) are there"

[@syedafatima8119]

Those words moved me deeply. I shall never forget them

[@aszirmouth]

Wow Having been abused mentaly, emotionally and economicly, i grew up staying away from my family inside the house. Hating them and hating myself. Thinking i was abnormal. Having no selfesteem whatsoever. Hate being around, interacting with people. I don't show my emotions. I cant have a deep conversation, without tears so i avoid any deep talk. I cant stop thinking about the past. I feel a deep pain and emptiness inside me. I try to let go and forgive. But i can't forget. Always asking myself why? Why? Why? I would never commit suicide but everyday i wish i wasn't born, that i dont wont to live this life. I dont have any love for myself. It's like my WHOLE life was one periode of depression, 36 now. I try to remember myself that my parents had issues, being in a different country, dad working all day. Mom working at home full time, depression (i was born 1 month before my sister, 4years old, died)... Why? Why? I cant remember receiving any type of physical love when i was living at home. only from outsiders.

[@hdakahidef]

I'm sorry to hear that. Many of us experience this believe it or not. I have issues with 1 of my parents and it's so tough tryna make them happy, or just trying to avoid insults. Love them and forgive them. I realized that parent of mine and the insults I just have to accept and be the bigger person. There really is too much emphasis on treating parents well to do much about it, it's a test from God, and as long as your remaining patient, you will be rewarded and that rewards should keep you going and give you inner peace knowing the pain, and depression will all end in a very short time, this life is very short. I hope your ok and I pray to Allah to make it easier for you and to fill your life with happiness

[@internetflower9408]

A E me too

[@palwan7190]

my father always wanted me to be doctor ,from 1 class to 8th class i was beat like wall by my father for not scoring more in exams than my cousin who always stood first in my class in 9th class i worked day and night ,when my friends are having good time with their girlfriends i will be studying hard and luckily my cousin became a part of bad company and i got more marks than him i was awarded by my parents but then my father friend's son score more marks than me he start beating me again but this time emotionally i was studying biology then i dropped it because i said to my father i dont want to become a doctor you never treated me like a child but a horse in a race now i have only 1 year left after graduating as an engineer , my question is can i leave my parents after 1 year at the same time i dont want to make Allah angry on me but my parents because i didnt become a doctor they have emotionally disturbed me alot from the last 5 years i am just maintaining a fake relationship as they provide me with food and shelter the best part is they want me to be like my younger brother who never been to college and my parents never questioned him in return he respects my parent like a child you will never saw whereas I am just faking it

[@SSeifaddin]

I am so sorry to hear that. When you are sad try to think that you are not alone. Many people have the same problem. IshaAllah you get better and you and your family enter jannah-Al fardious

[@light3940]

I'm only three years older than you, 39, and have dealt with the same. I still live with them and my life has been HELL ON EARTH. I honestly can't imagine hell being any worse than MY LIFE. May Allah help us both and enter us into JANNAH AL_FIRDOUS

[@sajjadshoabe.]

It is about time we talk about this subject as a community....

[@jantelopez5626]

YES! what feels tolerable is something a community decides together .. so speak out about how you feel. do not feel ashamed to tell your community how you feel if you are abused. the shame of abuse is not the victims

[@AnasShaikh-qr5kh]

May Allah bless you for even touching this topic. All scholars just shy away from such critical issues. So happy to see that you will talk about abusive parents. May Allah bless you.

[@shirinsultana3682]

Thank u brother, my father thinks that I'm burden , he tells everyone that he feeds me from childhood and I'm not good enough , now I'm struggling with my own psychological torture . it's my question why I'm in this world?

[@light3940]

I am a 39 year old female who lives with her parents. Both of my parents abused me and still do. I have dealt with physical, emotional, economic, and psychological abuse. My life has been a complete hell. When they talk about Hell on Earth, my life is it. I didn't know about economic abuse until I read this article. My father makes me BEG him for money for my food. He doesn't turn on the air conditioning any lower than 85 degress, even when it is almost 100 degrees outside. He makes a six-figure salary but he spends it all gambling at the casino and with mistresses. Growing up, my stepmother threw metal chairs on top of me and smashed my head into the wall. But the worst was the mental abuse she inflicted on me. I once had to call the police JUST because of the WORDS that were coming out of her mouth...they were so painful I will not repeat them...and when the police came to our apartment, she told them that I was "hallucinating" and made it all up! The worst part of her saying that is that I HAVE HALLUCINATED before and have a psychotic illness. SO she was using my illness to defend herself when she was clearly in the wrong. Rarely a day passes that I don't cry. My parents literally make me cry EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am on Disability insurance for mental illness (which was in large part due to their abuse) and am saving money to leave one day. Until then, the ONLY THING THAT helps me is praying to ALLAH. Folks, if you have a life where you find yourself smiling everyday, consider yourself BLESSED.

[@keepitundacoveR123]

😔😔😔

[@maryambrahim82]

😥❤

[@whoknowsuz]

May Allah aid you and make things easy for you

[@rosefadel5421]

May Alah make it easy on you my love You are most precious in Alahs eyes I hope for you a major change in your life ❤️

[@Daisyafi]

hugs and dua for you, May Allah azza wajallah brings eas to your pain :"

[@sulaymanjaved688]

JazakAllah for addressing this topic which is completely glossed over/ignored by our scholars. There are muslim brothers and sisters whose life is turned into a living hell by one or both of the parents. And because the only thing they hear in the khutbah is that you can't even say uff to the parents (which is stated in the Quran obviously), but never is a situation addressed where the children are being abused. And sometimes these children want to commit suicide but they cannot because its haraam. So that conference regarding abuse in the community especially in the context of parents would be highly appreciated and I believe it will help a lot of people struggling to come to terms with this.

[@jannatulkawsar7163]

@String Harmony May Allah help you and bless you with blessings that will help you grow towards Allah and keep your toxic parents away from you! Ameen

[@shamimoonshaik1395]

My mom is so arrogant and emotionally abusive. Everything has to go her way. She put my brother's wife through hell. When I tell her not to do that to her, she started hating me too. My brother thought he could never make mom happy, so he committed suicide 😭 Even after loosing a son, my Mom did NOT change a bit. The emotional blackmail still continues... I make dua that Allah gives her hidaaya

[@Your__mama]

@@shamimoonshaik1395 subhanallah my Allah forgive and her

[@SH-nx7kc]

Jazakallah Khair, as someone who has suffered a lifetime of abuse from both parents, it brings me relief to hear a scholar talking about children's rights. For us who are victims of parental abuse, it's wrong for scholars to just expect us to have patience and tolerate the abuse. That's not what Islam teaches us - children have rights too.

[@sadmuslimbro4369]

I am exactly in the same position. I always used to search for something exactly like this one in youtube.

[@internetflower9408]

Pearl exactly

[@hamnashahid9859]

@@abundance313 preach !!!!

[@Noor-y1p7n]

Allah always A capital name of the only King of all the worlds please always A capital

[@smiles4you142]

My parents torture me and always prioritise my brother and the reason they give me is that "we are your parents, we can do what we want and you have no right to complain" and the second reason they give me is that "you are a girl and you must bear all this cause you have to get married one day and you must learn to be pissed off!" So many girls of my age (15 years) start dreaming about their marriage and life partner but here I am, who hates it now, I don't want to become a slave or a such parent to my children what my parents are to me! I am so sorry Allah tallah that I'm saying this about my parents but yes I am really suffering, I am fed up! Oh Allah please give me courage to deal with all this and solve all my problems!

[@p2bkrf233]

Elhamdullah I needed that video. My mum has always been hating her daughters and loving her sons. She loves money more than anything. She never loved me or my sister never show us love. She was refusing to give is stuffs to eat like candies because we should keep it for our brothers. She was asking me and my sister to give her money but never to my brothers. Elhamdullah. She did not want to talk to me for more than 3 years, when i took my apartment. Now i'm 42 and i told her at 39 that i wanted to marry. She went totally crazy and refused. Saying bad stuffs about my "now husband". Even if she does not know anything about him. She refused totally my wedding. I'm 42 so I asked to my little brother to give me his acceptation. Now elhamdullah i'm married halal. But she refuses to talk to me, she make me away from her house and her life. And even my sister who was trying to support me, she is 45 and not married yet because my mum prevents her her whole life to do so. She is taking my sister for her nurse her cooker her wallet even if she is earning less money than my mum. My sister has amazing heart, God bless her. She stands for my wedding but now my mum nearly slapped her and make her away from her house. My mum does not want to talk to us anymore. What can I do? She has the right to be like that with us? She said to my brother that i'm a bitch, because I wanted to marry and she is trying to make them not talking to me ever, by saying bad stuffs about me, by swearing she will not talk to them ever if theh talk to me What I did wrong? I'm suffering inside. My husband is amazing elhamdullah My mum is making doua against me and my sister to die, that i will fail in my wedding..... If someone can, please give me piece of advices. Make doua for me and my family. Elhamdullah. Sorry for my bad English, it's not my language

[@jahansadaf]

May Allah bless you and make it easy for you.

[@p2bkrf233]

@@jahansadaf amin. Thank you

[@rabbi619]

First you should immediately find a good person a bit religious person for your big sister and help her get married and yes see that her husband is good. And then help your brothers get married you see i say this because you all are just getting old when will your brothers and sister marry i still dont know how old are your brothers but still they also need a halal relationship but first it is your sister get her married. Yes about your mom maybe she will change or she may change as she is getting older you can know about her from your brothers or visit her if she allows but it is just better not to see her just my opinion.

[@hinahalde3492]

Jazak Allah Khair...all scholars make it seem if you are parents you have right to mistreat and abuse in all possible ways and it is so easy to get away with emotional and verbal abuse as it leaves no scars and this abuse has a domino effect. Parents think by virtue of being parents they have immunity and are not answerable to Allah.

[@SH-nx7kc]

"Parents think by virtue of being parents they have immunity and are not answerable to Allah." I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU!

[@shahanak5593]

I was very talented and motivated child. But some people destroyed my mindset. I loved science so much. My ambition was to become a scientist. But my father continously crushed my dreams. Now i have no motivation to do anything. My life destroyed. Now i have no wish to live. I am not lying. My father always do injustice to me. He never motivate me but always destroy my confidence. I never saw a father like this. But he still pretended as a good father infront of people. But i am depressed for more than one year mainly because of him. No one under stand my mental pain😭

[@zaranawaz3168]

Even quran says not to cut ties, but how am I continue with someone, who's never changed, who's destroyed my life, my identity? And is ready to take rewards when I am doing good. This is hypocrisy. I can't bear. I cry all the time. thank you for the honest answer.

[@ikjul]

I think you should keep ur distance so that you yourself don’t get hurt and talk to them but not too much so that u don’t get hurt

[@greengre4689]

I feel most scholars and imams often tell everyone to respect parents and how much of a sin it is to treat them badly. However, it is also a sin to treat human beings badly eg children, which is often forgotten about. Are the scholars and imams focusing on parents for their own personal gains eg to get their children to be slaves to them or are they spreading this message because Allah loves those who are good to their parents? Something to think about. There needs to be a balance when speaking about the rights of parents. There are some parents abusing their children badly and they forget they will be punished in hell for that. Part of the blame goes to religious leaders. Astagfirullah some fathers are molesting their own daughters. May Allah punish those fathers. And these fathers probably dont think it is a big deal because it has been drilled into their heads that parents have such a high and special status in Islam. May Allah give us knowledge.

[@dabatulard6045]

If fathers are molesting their daughters, the daughters should just put a knife through their head. Even if it's their own dad I don't care, that's just low for a man of the house to destroy his purpose of protecting his daughter

[@koko..56]

DABAT UL ARD!!!!!! I wish l could do that but l have no power I’m just a girl at the end of the day so whatever I say to my dad he doesn’t care he makes my life miserable

[@koko..56]

Mustafa Alam yeah I’ve Tried that let’s say it didn’t end well

[@koko..56]

Mustafa Alam my dad is arab so The ignorance is a next level

[@koko..56]

Mustafa Alam who told you this joke arab dads are something else to be honest it depends

[@evergreen3643]

This carries on in south asian communities it's because the parents' keep one golden child in the family. They tend to "love" (control) this child through over praising and over pampering. They then use the golden child as an example of an obedient child. There's alot of manipulation involved and playing one child against the other. It's the escape goat in the family that usually get's the abuse, the child that speaks out on the parents toxicity is recognised as the trouble maker by the family. For the parents its so important to keep the golden child as their role model child to control the others in the family. I've seen this in so many asian families. It carries on more because the golden children defend the parents without seeing the abuse towards the other siblings. They become entitled and narcissistic. These behaviours are passed down onto the next generations.

[@asim9795]

I feel like killing myself because of the emotional torture my mother gives to me. And yes I'm the black sheep of my family

[@evergreen3643]

@@asim9795 I'm sorry to hear your mum is treating you this way. But you're not alone. This sort of hardship happens alot amongst blacksheeps in Asian families. Best thing to do is try to find your own place and leave. Suicide is not the answer as it's forbidden in Islam. Leave the situation rather than thinking about ending your life.

[@asim9795]

@@evergreen3643 things have got worst! Recently I've been on heavy cough medications and have been struggling with a really bad lung infection and yet my mother kept criticizing and being toxic. To the point were i pleaded her to make me breakfast cuz I couldn't cook for myself given my condition she denied. A verbal fight broke out later that day and I was drowsy and half asleep from all the cough medication. The verbal fight got so big she kept attacking my manhood and I told her to stop it or I might hit her. When she heard me say that she kept provoking me, getting in my face to hit her if I'm truly a "man" and given the drowsy state I was in,when she was all in my face,I pushed her face away from me which looked and seemed like a slap. And that's it. Now I'm the worst son ever and everyone is saying how God is gonna make me suffer here in this world and again later in afterlife. Though when we both were calm I fell on her feet and apologised,she is not ready to accept my apology. After everything she's done,she's got her family also treating me even worst then before. Idk what to do anymore. I'm at my breaking point.

[@evergreen3643]

@@asim9795 Im sorry to hear that. When they bring in religion it doesnt mean theyre right! God is just and they will also have to answer for the way they are treating you. Keep your faith strong an pray for a way out.

[@TooMuchWithIt]

My family isn’t Asian but you couldn’t have described my family structure more perfectly, right on the dot

[@m.s3518]

I can’t stop crying because when I have children I’ll never treat them the way I was treated

[@water_dragon10]

inshallah (don't forget to mention Allah).

[@HazelWorldwide]

There will be no real reconciliation and the parents always think they’re right. They think they’re infallible and beyond reproach. And of course the burden to forgive and let go will fall on the children who were subjected to bad parents in order to protect and ease the guilt of the adult parents who should have behaved better. How can parents simultaneously be the smartest and wisest in the home but when confronted with their wrong doings they get to claim “I didn’t know any better, I was ignorant” ?? How convient that they get to have it both ways and never take responsibility for their cruelty and disrespect. Parent “diplomatic” immunity because they DECIDED to reproduce and bear children that never asked to be born or suffer. It’s beyond unjust and no amount of religious theorizing and shaming will make it feel fair and good.

[@sadmuslimbro4369]

TRUE

[@saminkhan416]

100 percent facts brother

[@Ruffles2012]

100% agree, so well worded. It's like saying to Palestinians "oh please forgive your oppressor, they might not have known it was wrong!" Like wtf???? Everyone knows mistreating another human being is wrong but for some reason it's justified when parents do it.

[@ineedthisappeverytimeieat]

Very Helpful For Me Because I Have A Mentally Abusive Mom But My Dad Is Amazing And She Keeps On Telling Me About Parents Rights In Islam ALL THE TIME.

[@Nadia_E44]

Samee I love my dad but my mother is so mentally abusive. She’s also not even Muslim and she’ll always be telling me things like “Is this what Islam teaches you?” and it’s rlly hard to deal with.

[@nimrasalahuddin6015]

It's about time people realize this is a thing and it is happening in the indian subcontinent as much as it is happening in America or England or another big country/city. The difference is that when we face emotional and mental abuse we are forced to shut up in the name of "Wabil walidaini ehsaana" or if you are fortunate enough for supportive people around you that understand it as abuse they are just like.... "Have Sabr." It's killing our emotions and it's killing our mind. Which leads to people saying... "Oh Great! First you're certified crazy and now you are doing a majour sin by not listening to parents....." I swear these people will have a gigantic court day. If not in this world then the next Insha Allah.

[@saqulaindiwanalhind4097]

Ya Allah help us..

[@DieWundeBliebt]

I’ve been going through this since I was a child dealing with an abusive parent. I’m a grown adult now and it still effects me to this today and trauma has effected all parts of my life to the point where I have no self worth. I’m so glad that more and more Muslims are talking about this bc i remember being even 10 years ago their was virtually nothing online regarding Islam and abusive parents. I still wonder if I’m being sinned for even talking or speaking out about my experiences. The few times when I did reach out for help I was either shamed by parent or laughed at by people. I can’t just move out bc that’s looked down upon and I don’t have health insurance to seek therapy. I feel so lost on what to do

[@bilqiis9099]

I feel your pain, I am in similar situation, an adult married 4 kids and still suffer from complex trauma caused by my mother and alhamdulillah I am seeking therapy here in the West I hope I go past it and drop all these baggage I have cause I hate it so much wallah

[@ArvInd-vd2ww]

Jazak Allahu Khayran Dr. Qadhi. When I heard this question, my very first instinct was to think about things which Allah Azzawajal says for children and parents in the Quran. My mind went blank and I was very irritated. However, when you started unfolding the different verses of the Quran and the Hadith of the Prophet (SAW), I realized that parents are a subset of human beings. As such, they are governed by the Islamic principles which governs human beings (and Muslims in particular). You provided me (and all of us) with a new way to view the horizon (basically - to think out of the box). I really appreciate you and your knowledge. Thank you so much Akhi. Assalamwalaikum Warahamatullahi Wabarakatuh.

[@mradian6014]

Thank you Dr. Yasir we need more of this lecture especially in Muslim communities in the Muslim majority countries! Salam form Indonesia

[@ramijraja4613]

This is a so sensitive lecture. Questioning yourself before questioning parents,because your action will judge by your intention. Salam from Kolkata India.

[@nusratpopy8724]

ma sha Allah! being the mother of my daughter I've learned from this video and I'll try to remember that yes, I've to answer my Allah Taa'la for my behaviour to my daughter and for all of my misdeeds, Allahu Gafurur Rahim. At the same time, I've also learned that parents can abuse emotionally, economically and psychologically.

[@mahastikia9676]

I can't say how much it meant to me to hear your words! Thank you for clarifying such a difficult topic. I will marry inshallah soon and I invited my emotionally abusive mother and even though chronic pain is elevated each time she talks or writes to me O can still take it. But I can't think of bringing her into my life because each time she comes I am depleted and ill after 5 days! I will plan to send her money. And I have taught myself not to be rude or unsulting. This is the best I can do. Almost the same with my dad, who was absent most of my life, having fun. He spend his days drinking and insulting Allah (swt) and the Prophet (pbuh) and all other prophets... Of course there is a wisdom in being given such parents that only Allah knows. But what I can give them is limited and I hope He will understand on the day of judgement. (Ps. I did go to therapy and got counselling and I'm much better than before.)

[@saminkhan416]

Thank you very much for bringing this topic. Unfortunately, Islamic speakers fail to mention these issues that are very prevalent in Asian communities (South Asian, East Asia, as well as Middle East). May Allah guide those who have tarnished relationships with their mother and/or father.

[@sanarabbi7006]

May Allah make us conscious of our duties n obligations towards our children...whom we take so much for granted...this ummah will never develop until the relations in a family fulfil each other's haq

[@hasanmahbub-ulkarim602]

Please speak more about Narcissism in parenting and marriage. It is obvious that narcissism is in the rise.

[@easyandnatural6320]

Very sensitive and sad situation common in our families and communities. It has very deep impact on individual and grows with them until old age if not addressed and sorted out ....

[@Pedro-nt2ro]

Finally a lecture about this topic!!!

[@Amy623]

Parents never healed front their own traumas. Generational trauma is what the whole world is carrying on the backs. What I see is married couples that is unhealed and still child themselves having children of their own. What do we expect from those parents? They will project their unprocessed emotions onto their children. And if someone from the family doesn't stop the generational trauma the trauma will continue. Raising children the right way is the most important duty and should be one in of the most important topics amongst Muslim communities. I have been talking about this issues for the past few years and I am happy that more people are starting to speak about it.

[@savesheikhjarrah1480]

Couldn’t agree more with every letter of your statement! As immigrants in the west, we need more of our children studying social work, psychology, early childhood education-the humanities! It all starts in the home! And parents are the home makers!

[@Amy623]

@@savesheikhjarrah1480 I agree with you 💯

[@fagarfield9230]

Sad to hear such cases but always seek help from close family or relatives. Blessings from UK. 😓🤲

[@lauraandlisa381]

Aameen. As always an enlightening insight into a much needed issue in society that hardly gets any attention.

[@noorizaheydatoulah3968]

Asalamwrwb Brothers n Sisters. Jzk khairan so much Sheikh Yasir for your courage in dealing with this extremely sensitive topic n shedding light n helping the children of such parents even when these children are still abused when they reach adulthood. May Allah SWT reward you and your whole generation with Aafiyat ameen thumma ameen.

[@sadafwani228]

Thank you so much u have saved me from doing suicide ...i have a huge respect for you ..i have no words ..i thank Allah who had put forward this video infront of me when i have a grave desire of this ...thank u ...u saved a life today

[@honeybee3579]

It's so sad that this problem is very present in our society nowadays. When, oppression is one of the worst sins ever

[@zayedamahmood4167]

This video made me so emotional 😔,I was always abused mentally ,physically and emotionally and it gives me anxiety all e time

[@anindysch]

Maasyaa Allah thanks for mentioning the surah Baqarah, it was so much needed. My heart straightaway feels lighter, from worry and fear of what i'm facing. And alhamdulillah i gain confidence to keep going, knowing that Allah won't bear us with more than what we can take. Jazaakallah Khayran.

[@smiles4you142]

What you said to approach to other family members, I did it! But my mother heard me crying and telling what she does to me to my aunt and after some day she started black mailing me emotionally that I'm your mother and what a sinful act you have done, means that I shared my negative thoughts about my mother to someone else! Well extremely depressed because of my parents both father and mother, as soon as I get financially independent, I'll go to a therapist without informing my parents cause they will definitely don't like it but I am fed up now!

[@nayerakhalil1631]

Thank you for properly addressing this issue ... your answer was much needed ... one have grown sick of scholars who only learn rules by heart without understanding them

[@rimoumamari7346]

I am crying... Thank you from the bottom of my heart

[@aetedalodeh4550]

I needed this right now. Alhamdulilah for everything.

[@amelkatrin3464]

This triggers a lot and yet I am 65 years old!

[@shaneedismail9788]

now i'm 35 but my father's attitude towards me affected me deeply

[@rummanamarzia1288]

Jajhakillahur khair so much shaikh..

[@Noor-y1p7n]

Allah always A capital name of the only King of all the worlds please always A capital

[@hadizabagudu]

JazakaLLahu Khairan.

[@StudywithMilya]

Thank you for this, it made cry being able to relate to this but it has also calmed me down knowing how to deal with it

[@savesheikhjarrah1480]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I salute you Sheikh! JAK!

[@dembajallow10]

Thanks so very much! May Allah increase you Sheikh…. You have answered my case

[@hiitsme525]

Thank u ! I needed to know this so much😔

[@Bluevou]

Why is this not viral

[@sadmuslimbro4369]

maybe abusive parents stop this video from getting viral.

[@_exsinner_3769]

Thooba Khan *I am in it 🙋🏻‍♀️*

[@imanhafizal]

This needs to be more heard of

[@maryambrahim82]

Thank you so much ❤this is truly relieve.

[@familiedattel-playmobil]

Allah Bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!my inner jail is open and I am standing out of the inner jail after 40 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AlhamduLillah I am free

[@shakurmuwanda6589]

Thank you for talking about this ❤️

[@internetflower9408]

Thank you for this I needed this!

[@_an_aspirant_1]

Dont worry myy my brothers and sisters in islam...our ALLAH SWT is AL-WADOOD the ALL LOVING🥺❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤💫✨✨✨✨✨🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[@blumachine]

I couldn't stop crying this is my exact situation except this is for both my parents.

[@mekalapragna7585]

Name calling , and shaming is what i faced it is hurting me a lot , Pray god to give me strenght and peace so i dont behave in the same way they does. I have been abused emotionally ,by mother and physically and verbally by father even i just keep calm there ego hurts .

[@fahashmukti1681]

I have the same problem with anonymous sster. My father used to utter very disgusting words even though he is performing salah. Now, we siblings are distant from him then he gots envious of my our closeness to our mother. Until now even were grown up listening to my father's voice give me anxiety and fear.. Astagfirullah. All of us wanna escape if he is around becoz of fear being attack verbally.

[@tanzilakh8502]

At least someone is talking about this. I've grown up in a boy preference family and raised always hearing that my parents wanted a boy and they always make me feel like they couldn't have any boy because I was born. Hope I can lead a peaceful life in future

[@shabana9923]

Well, I dont want to offend anybody. But it's a little bit easier to become a jannat seeking obedient wife. But after that it's very difficult to wish a (or more) girl child after that. Just my experience, from Bangladesh.

[@yellowthing2392]

i came here, even tho im not muslim, because my mom is very abusive :C thank you

[@imsoooboredjaehyun]

Wat happened u can talk to me if u want!

[@dragngamerz2815]

sometimes,reaching out to even close relatives wont work.welp

[@internetflower9408]

DRAG?N GAMERZ pray to Allah

[@SerenityPanoramas4]

Yes, if anything..at times they don't think anything is wrong and that parents have rights over children to treat them, however. In return, the relatives start to look down on you too.

[@jantelopez5626]

the sister who wrote in has Complex PTSD btw - it can grip your life if you are trapped somewhere where you keep getting triggered by the trauma - i.e a family home with your abuser in it - also i think its very weak to just tell the victim to reach to family - this is an area where mosques must provide practical help with getting therapy - DO MORE.. abusers hide behind religion - mosques must adress them . it is your duty to help abused children help the most vulnerable in your immediate community

[@himanshubbb1]

Very much needed advice... Thank you for bringing some relief to my heart..

[@eshraqsalahuddin115]

There are very few dislikes in this video. I think her father and parents like her father are giving those dislike. Just a thought 💭

[@laurieberry162]

It’s not a religion thing. My family told me to think negative. There was yelling. I remember my sister crying for a long time. She was little. I don’t think she remembers. Or maybe she is in denial. I don’t understand her. I do feel dehumanized. But no one said anything as bad as I wish you were never born. I feel sorry if that happened to someone. I am familiar with psychological abuse. I didn’t understand that it was wrong, so I kept quiet. Even white families can have a toxic parent. My brother said that his parents helped him through college. I was put on a medication for not being able to deal with emotional abuse. That I was told that I shouldn’t have a higher education. That I became angry. That people who graduated with me talked about how they enjoyed college. My dad tried his best to get me into self-hatred. He told me that I am not smart. I don’t like being compared to anyone. Sometimes the people who we call normal aren’t normal in everyone’s eyes. Everyone has different experiences. We have to respect this. Although, I don’t see this. In America, there’s hatred towards all types of people by people who need a scapegoat because of their assumptions. It was ridiculous to see black young ladies interview Vladimir Putin. It seemed judgmental. They were trying hard to see him as their assumptions. We hear that Putin is dangerous. Personally, I don’t know him.

[@savesheikhjarrah1480]

I will make dua for you brother!

[@sahramaye4833]

Wa aleykum salam warahmatullahi wabarakaatu jazakallah kheyr shekh brother Yasir

[@mohammedzubair7266]

Glad to came across such topic at the very moment where I can make my dad understood and let him know the rights of a child and importance of having a child to not abuse or punish them beyound their character or bad deeds...Thank you so much for posting such video on very important topic

[@kevinmax2361]

May Allah help us from this Situation

[@ssd7385]

The relatives saw the child being mentally abused and the child's mentality changed drastically. Yet the closed relatives, who actually brought up the boy, didn't say anything to the parents! Because the child is not important compared to the social and economic ties they have with his parents. Humans are sooo petty. The boy just wants to die. He thinks, that he is not fit for this world, may be the next world will be a little bit more in favor of him.

[@mohsisohal806]

Preserving the family unit is a key element of Islam. We observe hijab, don't even shake hands with the opposite gender and have a severe penalty for zina to preserve the family unit. Desi parents will comfortably destroy it within their own homes.

[@zinatsharmin2785]

I am 36 years old but my parents still abusing me emotionally, physically & economically. Even though I am married, I have a beautiful daughter & amazing loving caring husband. But now me & my husband & my daughter we r very depressed and anxiety for their abusing behaviour. Plz pray for me to get off this toxic situations.

[@rizuanaaboobacar5538]

I am in a similar situation. I am 44. Email me so we can talk [e-mail]

[@abelievereverrising283]

You must upkeep the family ties. But this doesn't mean visit every day, take beatings, and give up half of your money. May Allah help you and everyone else,

[@rabbi619]

Dont talk to them for 2 months

[@Food.artfusion]

I'm 15 year's old my mother says me rubbish things which I I cnnt even able to listen day by day I'm getting depressed I don't know what to do how to control

[@zohashahid30984]

Make a video on narcissitic parents and siblings and abuse in joint family system in pakistan and south asia

[@stariehearts2366]

I'm losing my faith because of my trauma. When I was a child my dad would hit me everytime I got an Ayah wrong in the Quran and that trauma has resulted in me feeling physically sick when it comes to Salah time. My dad makes us read Quran every night and I don't get a choice. If I refuse I get beaten. I'm sick to death of reading Quran, I don't want to even look at it anymore because it's the source of all my pain and anxiety. 😢

[@sara_qr6nl]

Salam alaykom. As your sister in Islam, please don't give up on your Faith. That is all that matters in this life and it is THE way out of your pain. Think for a minute: was it really the Quran the cause of your pain or the person that was forcing you to it? I can understand the fact that whenever you see the Quran it brings back difficult memories - that's a HUGE injustice you've gone through besides the abuse itself - but it's not the Quran. You DESERVE to go back to Allah, you DESERVE a good relationship with Allah, that was stolen from you but you CAN create a new relationship with Him through His Book and fill it with love, mercy, kindness, tenderness, love. You got the power, ask Allah to guide you to Him. Please don't give up on Allah, he is the Most Loving and He is waiting for you to go back to Him. May Allah make it easy for you and heal you from the pain you've suffered.

[@stariehearts2366]

@@sara_qr6nl I can only repair my relationship with Allah when I'm free of this house I'm forced to live in. Whilst in this house, I can't repair anything because I have constant anxiety attacks because I can't get away from my abusers. I can only begin to heal when I'm away from my abusers but that won't happen anytime soon 💔

[@sara_qr6nl]

@@stariehearts2366 I see your point and only you know the situation you're in. However, Allah is always with you and you don't need much - you just trust in Him. He can be of help especially while you're going through these struggles. Ask Him. May Allah alleviate your sorrows.

[@mohammedshafiqulislam7334]

That is not okay.🙄

[@mohammedshafiqulislam7334]

That is not okay.🙄

[@story5188]

mashallah , allahuma barik great detailed answer.

[@Noor-y1p7n]

Allah always A capital name of the only King of all the worlds please always A capital

[@norolinedoll5210]

Happening same with me, every coming day feels so hard to live.

[@uzairazhar2564]

You have my sympathies, stay strong. I’ve been in the similar position as you so feel free to DM if you feel necessary.

[@norolinedoll5210]

@@uzairazhar2564 thank you but things are better now...!

[@uzairazhar2564]

@@norolinedoll5210 😊

[@Xyzabdd123]

Thank you for this

[@1iq40]

I finally realised what a horrible parent my mum is because whenever i am ill she tells me to shut up and goes on about how she is always so stressed

[@theshape7214]

My dad gave me away to his brother when I was a baby but still mentally abuses me all these years later and expects me to treat him like a king when all he is is a narcissist and user.

[@mekailkamran03]

May Allah make it easy for you and those of us who are suffering because of their family members.

[@theshape7214]

Mekail Kamran thank you ❤️

[@rafealrusdi5499]

May Allah bless and protect you brother... Hope things are better for you now...

[@HabibaMohamed-ym6wq]

Grapeson Dolan Aweee sorry

[@internetflower9408]

Grapeson Dolan I’m sorry to hear that may Allah help make it easy for you inshallah!

[@XxBeyBladexX]

Amazing video.

[@zuhrafathima6205]

Everywhere it's respect parents respect parents.i have no clue if this is the talk i want to listen.my parents do love me a lot and infront of the society they are extremely proud of me because of my studies and all that but deep down they don't realize that their fights ,their problems,their abusing was just a thing to them they had to deal with but as a kid to watch and go through all that and the physical abuse which comes along with their anger which is complimentary. And then you find solace as u get out of the house (hostel for studies).thats wen u realize what kind of a person you are.you are completely different person wen u r not around them.there is no anger,no abuse,there is just peace which u really strt to enjoy except one thing u carry because of ur emotionally abusive background you prefer being alone unlike your friends and u never share anyy beyond a limit .u limit urself for everything .And then wen u choose a person who u think life will be worth living and then wen u confront ur parents .as their relationship was so bad and how that toxicity they had put in you.you are literally carrying it..they never let u decide for yourself and as an obedient kid u accept their decision (manipulatiely getting u out of that) and saying mean things about the guy they never spoke or never met.and they decide.and as an obedient kid u knw ur parents will only think good for you .u accept their decision and let go of it .then unfortunately during lock down u are back home ur mother puts all tbe burden on you and goes away for sometime from you.she just forgets that the toxicity they had carried becomes an mental illness when u r older.1.they are not into deen 2.they are not happy which wouldn't let u be happy 3.contant virtual fights 4.as they become old as a young responsible daughter it is your duty to take care of them but everytime till the time the person wakes up.its very peaceful and then wen the person wakes up u get this feeling inside you.things will be bad and u will be hurt so be prepared and learn to ignore and not cry about it.and then wen u try to stay away from that and concentrate on ur classes u hear banging on ur door,abusive words.i would just pray that the lock doesn't break And then wen you lose your mind and begin reacting all u can hear from them is crying and whimping..(everybody needs money and nothing else because deep down he never had a good relation with his wife (young couple with problems) .they pass on the toxicity ,disrespective words to you and to a mother wen u talk about all this just says.u stay out of it and don't interfere + who is extremely proud of u for ur materialistic acheievements and boosts abt it to the whole family and tortures u from inside..it is very difficult to carry the toxicity and again again again they ingest it in you wen u r older.you want to get out of it..but they won't let u..it's really difficult..i would rather appreciate from now on atleast scholars rather than talking abt parents right...please do talk about the responsibilities ,respect,how to treat that child with respect ,and dignity and the most important part wen u r below 3 or4 yrs the child never remembers how u did treat them. But they do when the kids are older. Atleast treat them as humans and not not something which was created by you .so u can treat however u want .it's a blessing and i hope this toxicity and grief goes away from me and i hope i am never this kind of example in my future...

[@shenotmexd]

my mom tells me she wishes i was never born and im her only daughter which sucks lol

[@chompchomp7853]

I reached out to a cousin, his wife (my in law) threatened to leave him if I call him again. She also started gossiping about my conversation with her husband that she was listening to, which I knew prior. He's the only relative but his wife helps my narcissistic mothers' abuse. I'm planning to leave them all even if I go to hell. I can't take the rumors, hate, ridicules --all caused and reinforced by my own mother. I've been crying & making dua morning and night for years with no improvement. I can't stand it anymore. She even told people that i do drugs and other disgusting things... what's frightening is that it's her who cries and acts like the victim. Everyone hates me

[@faisalnadeem659]

it's not just sisters i know how it feels jazakallah for answer sir

[@benmaier7169]

Thank you

[@ahmedrafin6092]

Perfect question

[@kaiumerziehung3827]

I am crying as I right this , but I have been manipulated too much that I don’t know what to do

[@kaiumerziehung3827]

cherifa don’t worry Allah(SWT) will help us.

[@baybiisk]

may Allah ease our pain :(

[@kaiumerziehung3827]

Z. Ameen

[@syedsaniyanamra324]

Me too crying this time because my mother says that she never wanted me to born a girl..she was expecting a boy..but i was born...her behaviour is always different wid my other siblings and harsh behaviour wid me😭😭

[@shujaatfarhan]

The times, place & type of culture you live in made you answer correctly based on the one-sided story. Its true these things are in our ummah too, Sometimes stories are exaggerated and sometimes understatement and sometimes misunderstandings. My parents physically disciplined me & Alhamdulillah I realize that had they not done at that time, I would have been much worst person. May Allah give them high status in Jannah for doing that and forgive them if there is any wrong on their part. Aameen!!!

[@lightman2258]

Physical abuse is very harmful for children, in a psychological and pedagogical way. If you want to make a child disciplined, so you can use a lot of tools. We don't need to abuse him. Our prophet (s) is a good example for education and he didn't abuse his children. Other prophets didn't do this too. There is no narration like "Ibrahim beaten his son Ismael..."

[@sulaymanjaved688]

I believe the situation of the sister goes far beyond the occasional (or even frequent) smack a child may get for being naughty.

[@lightman2258]

@@sulaymanjaved688 For me it was important to explain, that just smacking a child is very negative. Everything beyond that makes the harm only bigger.

[@Idkkk__]

i hate my mom she treats me so bad and treats my brothers good shes the reason why i have a anxietys and shes the reason why i cant talk to anyone cuz im always scared because since i was young whenever we have guests i was locked in my room i could never talk so im use to being by myself so talking to people gave me anxiety and sometimes she says she wishes i was dead..... she never told this my brothers but me....and im the one caring for her more than any one of them ah... and sometimes she says '' do u wanna be slut''..... because i tell her i wanna move out cuz i cant take it anymore ........ so am i wrong? for saying i dont like her...........she hits me calls me things whennn i do everything my brothers dont do for her........so if im going to hell for it ohwell ....iguess life and after life isnt for me

[@sadmuslimbro4369]

I can't wait for death. I'm waiting for it.

[@kabirrubaiyat]

Sister, I’m 40..and I’ve been where you are now..my mother was violent, tried to shame me, subdue me, etc. She succeeded for a while, but it has backfired greatly to an extent.. My advice to you: Try to journal your thoughts. Hide it in a safe place (where she can’t pilfer through your personal belongings; generally, such mothers have issues with boundaries). Try to maintain an emotional and respectful distance. Physical too, as much as possible. Try to avoid trigger topics- things you know might set her off. Also, confide in an adult who you trust, someone you know is going to be a source of emotional support. Keep making dua my dear..speaking from experience..dua is *powerful*...may Allah make it easy on you. Don’t forget: He is Ar Rahman, Ar Raheem..the Most Compassionate, the especially Merciful. He loves us more than our own mothers. Don’t give up on your Creator..insha’Allah, this is a test that you need to pass..and you will be rewarded for it immensely. Lastly, it does help to try and see through her perspective, and to take into account where she is coming from. My mother for example had a very volatile childhood. It helped me to make peace with much of what she did to me growing up..

[@sadmuslimbro4369]

@@kabirrubaiyat NARCS GET TRIGGERED BY ALMOST EVERYTHING. MY PARENTS NEVER HAD ANY KIND OF BAD PAST. BUT STILL THEY ARE NARCS.

[@samiahab7923]

@East african 123 youve just explained part of my life and im only 18. can we get in contact as it would help to have someone who has been through exactly the same thing. my mother is also a narcissist and i cant stand to be around her, although all these videos have said to 'be respectful' i try my hardest but its never enough

[@hinash6163]

May Allah ease your pain 😢❤️

[@Yankeesarete]

When a parent makes you feel like you are a child and you are a adult knowing that every person is different